"You get all that, sugarcube?"
Rarity blinked in confusion as she came back to the moment. A moment of panic struck her as she contemplated how much of that lecture she had missed. A bead of sweat formed at her brow under the stern gaze of the foreign pony standing next to Applejack.
"P-pardon?"
"Ah said, did ya get all those instructions?"
The sweat now dripped from Rarity's forelock. Would it be better to ask for a repeat at the risk of further annoying the already irritated-looking pony, or to save face and say yes? No, best not to betray the trust of her friend. Honesty is always the best policy.
"Oh of course, dear! There's absolutely nothing to worry about!"
Dammit. Too Late. Commit.
"You couldn't possibly be entrusting this delicate task to more capable hooves! Honestly Applejack, I've already memorized everything!"
Applejack raised an eyebrow.
"Well, alrighty then. Just make sure you do everything right because Cousin Appuru here has come all the way from Neighppon with his prized strawberry plant to make us all some of his delicious, Equestria-famous strawberry daifuku and we'd just be in one tarnation of a bind if we didn't have somepony to look after it while we're showin' him Canterlot."
Rarity's asshole clenched with diamond-producing force, which she could have used to bedazzle a very unsanitary dress.
"Like I said, darling, nothing to worry about! Now you run along smartly or you'll miss the noon departure from Ponyville Station!"
Applejack, with eyebrow still raised, gave a nod and tipped her worn Stetson. Cousin Appuru bowed. Somewhere, distantly, a gong rang out.
Rarity sighed as the door to her boutique closed and walked across the room to the day bed. Rarity, not the door. She threw her hoof dramatically against her forehead and flopped down on the expertly arranged assortment of cushionry and moaned aloud.
"How in Equestria am I meant to take care of a strawberry plant? I can't even keep Opal alive for more than a week."
As if on cue, feline hacking and sputtering began emanating from the room adjacent.
"Squealie Boar, Opal's found her way into the Prozac again. Be a dear and fetch the ipecac, would you?"
"It's Sweetie Belle," Rarity's sister trotted by with the bottle of syrup.
Rarity sat up on the bed and stared at the vibrantly green and red plant. The strawberries had come in juicy and plump and were nearly ready to be picked. The sight of them alone made Rarity's mouth water. The thought of them dying because of her negligence caused a bolt of fear to shoot up her spine. Not because there would be no strawberry daifuku- she had never heard of the stuff. No, what worried her exponentially more was the thought of Cousin Appuru-san returning to find his beloved plant withered away into oblivion. At that thought, Rarity imagined her head falling from her neck as the Neighpponese pony's fatal steel cut cleanly and most honorably through her vertebrae.
"No!" She cried out, standing bolt-upright from the bed, which just ended up looking odd because ponies are quadrupedal. "I'm much too young and ladylike and creamy-gooey-milky-sucky-titty-drop-drawers gorgeous to die at the hands of traditional Eastern vengeance!"
At that, Sweetie Belle walked into the room, mane frazzled.
"Well, she died. Want me to go ahead and salvage the soul so we can insert it in the next Opal clone?"
"We don't have time, Swarthy Bill! We need to figure out how to keep this strawberry plant alive for three days because if it dies there won't any soul to salvage!"
"Well that's an easy one." Sweetie said, chucking Opal's corpse into the freezer. "We should just ask Twilight if she has any books on strawberry plants."
"Good thinking, Sweaty Balls!" Rarity exclaimed. She grabbed her saddle bag and shoved Sweetie face-first into it and took off galloping toward the library.
Twilight had just finished putting the finishing touches on her newest research project. It had taken her hours of intense concentration. The skill required to undertake such a delicate operation without waking up the subject was master-level only. But by the time it was finished, the results were undeniable. Spike, conclusively, looked like a real faggot with a penis drawn on his face.
"Dear Princess Celestia..." Twilight started her report.
Just then, Rarity came crashing through the door. In her surprise, Twilight leapt backward, crashing against the desk. A bottle of white paste fell from its perch on top of a stack of books and splattered across Spike's face, right near the head of the drawn-on penis. Twilight stared at him in shock for a few moments before urgently grabbing a quill and parchment to scribble down notes.
"Twilight, dear, you simply MUST help me! I'm in a terrible mess!"
"What is it, Rarity?" Twilight rushed over to her friend. "Are you out of orphan tears for your nightly exfoliating facial mask?"
Spike woke up at the word "facial."
"Oh no dear, I still have at least two gallons left," Rarity flipped her mane. "At the present moment, I'm tasked with the responsibility of keeping a strawberry plant alive and I haven't the foggiest idea how. I was hoping you might have a book..."
Twilight's equine vagina quivered and a drop of horse pussy juice ran down her leg at the mention of the word "book."
"Of course!" Twilight gasped. "How many, um, books did you need?" Her breathing became shallower.
"Oh at least three or four."
"THREE OR FOUR?" Twilight panted.
"Actually, you'd better give me all of them," Rarity said, looking around the library. "I'll need every book you have on strawberries."
"Oh god..."
"I have a lot of research to do, so the more reference material you can give me, the better."
"Oh I'll give you ALL of the reference material and you better take it all," Twilight moaned and grinded herself against the desk.
Rarity took Sweetie Belle out of her saddle bag and peered inside.
"I wonder if all the books will fit in here..."
"Hör auf so zu reden, ich bin schon ganz feucht!"
Back at the boutique, Rarity poured over the books Twilight had given her. All of them, without exception, seemed to be coated in a weird slime. At this moment, however, nothing mattered more than keeping the strawberry plant alive. And as the leaves began to wilt, time was of the essence.
"How could it possibly be dying?!" Rarity screamed. "It's been less than two hours! Of all the worst things that could happen...this is THE. WORST. POSSIBLE. THING!"
Sweetie Belle cringed as she flipped through one of the jizzed-upon books. Suddenly, her face lit up.
"Well here's the problem! It says here that strawberries don't like the cold, and it's freezing in here!"
"Nonsense," Rarity cooed. "It's at least eighty degrees in here!"
"Rarity, the thermostat says sixty-two degrees. Are you getting hot flashes?"
"I am nowhere near old enough to be getting hot flashes," Rarity said through gritted teeth. "Do you want the sorry stick again?"
Sweetie Belle cowered.
"Perhaps it's just malnourished," Rarity suggested. "Swiffer Jet, go down to the basement and get the bottle of plant food."
"On it!" Sweetie exclaimed and bounced down the stairs.
Rarity examined the wilting plant. The color was draining from it quickly. If these strawberries were to survive and she to keep her head, rapid action must be taken. Rarity flipped through the books.
Strawberries and How To Grow Them.
The Strawberry: Growing Nature's Big Fat Juicy Nipples.
Dead Strawberries: How Did You Manage To Fuck This One Up?
That last one might be useful.
Suddenly, Sweetie Belle came bounding up the stairs with a small vial.
"I found it, Rarity! Do I just pour it on?"
"Oh yes, darling, just pour it into the soil," Rarity started to turn around and caught sight of the label on the bottle. "SWAGGY BOB NOOOOOOOOOOO!"
But it was too late. Sweetie Belle had already poured all of the poison onto the plant.
"Oops?"
"OOPS?" Rarity cried. "How in Celestia's sweet holy asshole did you think poison was plant food?!"
"It was dark! It had a 'P' in it!"
"Swanky Bull, I'm not mad. But when Applejack and Tojo get back and there can be no strawberry daifuku because the strawberries have all been murdered, I'M NOT GOING TO BE THE ONE WITH A KATANA UP HER ASS."
Suddenly, the front door opened. Applejack and Cousin Appuru-san were back.
Rarity literally shit on the floor.
"W-what are you doing back so s-soon?" She somehow managed to form the words through her tears of unbridled terror.
"Oh, there was a bomb threat to the royal palace and the whole place got closed off. They think it was Kamikaze Kolts again. Either way, they weren't lettin' him in." Applejack gestured to Appuru-san. "So we decided to all come back here and whip up some o' that strawberry daifuku. Did you take good care of the plant?"
Rarity gulped. Cousin Appuru stared at the now dried, wilted, and thoroughly dead plant.
"Strawberry die? Fuck you."
Author's Note
Yes, this was all leading up to a terrible pun.
