Jason wakes reluctantly, as if being forcibly dragged into an unfamiliar world. A small voice in his subconscious demanded that he be awake this instant, and no later. That seemed to be the only explanation as to why he would be up at such an ungodly hour.

Jason can see the same beige ceiling he left the night before his restless slumber. He knows for a fact that this is the only place in the universe that one would find such a disappointing color.

Jason looks to his left to check his alarm clock, but his heart sinks as he notices the all too familiar spickle-speckle pattern tormenting his peripheral vision. Like an after image that won’t go away, it taunts him. It’s a warning he can do nothing about. It won’t be long before his head is throbbing and he’s vomiting out his insides.

“Fucking migraines,” Jason moans as he curls into a fetal position, trying to wish away his unpleasant future. But like all the other times, the persistent voice continues to torment him despite his constant pleas.

You can’t do anything about it, Jason. You can’t do anything at all.

He can already feel his lips starting to go numb. If Jason is ever going to be happy again, it will be solely due to the complete annihilation of the medical condition known as chronic migraines.

He sits up, his stomach lurching protestantly. No eating today, Jason thinks, the fallout of that kind of behaviour will destroy your appetite for weeks. Or as he should say, fallup.

He swings his legs over the side of his bed, and finally stands on his own two legs. Staggering over to the door, he tries to think of something in his bleak apartment that could possibly ease the pain of what is to come. He opens the door, and immediately regrets it as sunlight sears its way through his skull. Shit, these things are worse that he remembers them. One week wasn’t really that long ago. And how much time before that one? Ten days? Two weeks? Are they getting more frequent?

Saying goodbye to the grim cityscape below, Jason closes the blinds one by one. There, that’s better. To Jason’s discomfort, the tips of his fingers are losing feeling despite his constant irritation of them. At least now he can think. Isn’t caffeine supposed to remedy these sort of things? He begins to shuffle his way to the kitchen. It’s more of a sty now than a kitchen. Covered now with dirty dishes not worth washing, empty cans not worth crushing, and torn-up wrappers not worth trashing, it’s hard to imagine a person who wouldn’t look upon such a kitchen in utter disgust.

The cleanest part of Jason’s kitchen is the pantry. There isn’t much left other than the bare necessities: overflow sodas, cookies, and rice. Jason wishes he had alcohol. Whatever was left in the refrigerator is now long expired, and Jason is too afraid to open it.

What began this mess? Jason thinks to himself. Not just the mess in the refrigerator, or the mess in the kitchen, or even the mess encompassing the entirety of his apartment, but this whole place. The whole world. It must have started sometime around the beginning of his trip to a strange cartoon land. No, Jason thinks it started earlier, or at least he hopes so. It would be less his fault that way. Jason can still here Derek’s voice though.

Ten bucks says you just fucked us over.

Jason doesn’t doubt that Derek would have won that bet.

He eventually decides to cut his losses and settles for a room temperature soda. Perhaps it’s not as zippy as coffee, but it’s the placebo effect that counts right? Jason thinks so.

“Shit,” Jason said, perhaps a bit too quiet for the given situation.

“Goddamn, dude. What the fuck just happened?” The voice of Jason’s valued associate/best friend Derek was no more than two or so feet to the right of where Jason lay. But Jason lay in shock, and was much too incapacitated to check up on the condition of any given associate or friend of his.

They were in a forest, or some sort of portrayal of one. There were trees, with big dark-brown trunks sprouting little light-brown branches with little green leaves on the end. The ground was a standard-looking light brown, dotted with the occasional dark-brown rock. The entire area seemed undetailed and out of focus. It was as if the world were a mere drawing, with several consecutive sketches making up the environment. Then Jason noticed something else strange.

“I can’t feel my hands,” Jason said. His voice was trembling. How had this happened? Why, just a second ago they were watching television in the comfort of his own living room.

“Shit!” Jason said again, this time quite a bit louder. He had a dreadful feeling in the pit of his stomach. This couldn’t be what he thought it was. Or could it? He rolled over and stood, this time on all fours. Then he finally looked over at Derek.

What he saw an innocent looking creature, characterized mainly by the flamboyant coloring covering most of his body. He was mostly a navy blue though, which happened to be the color of the hoody Derek had just been wearing. His hair had been turned to a lighter shade of blue, as if almost to complement his body, but what was more striking than that was the fact that it was the same shade of blue as Derek’s jeans. To top it off, a spiraling horn sprouted from the center of his forehead.

“Shit, man.”

“Oh, fuck.”

Jason was waiting to wake up. This had officially gotten too weird. As if he didn’t already have enough shit to deal with, this screwed-up thing was already pushing Jason’s limits.

He looked down to find two dark purple, hoof-like limbs. Jason tried to see the rest of his body, but through twisting and turning he could only see more purple.

“Oh god, this can’t be happening,” Jason moaned.

“What’s happening, man? Why are we a pair of fucking ponies?” Derek roared.

“I don’t know man. We just need to figure out what the hell is happening,” said Jason, shutting his eyes.

“I’ll tell you what’s happening: we’ve been sucked into that gay-ass pony show of yours, and now we’re fucked because of you.” Derek’s pony-like features were darkening with frustration.

“Just shut up, man. Whatever this is, it’s not as bad as we think it is,” Jason said, still trying to find clarity in the situation. He would have rubbed his temples, but he didn’t have any fingers to rub them with.

“Really? It’d better not be, because right now this looks pretty fucking bad.”

“Excuse me?” Both of them were interrupted by a third pony, having approached the first two without them noticing. This one was clearly a female. She was a very light yellow, her hair (mane?) was a bright pink, and her eyes were deep blue. But the most noticeable feature about her was a tattoo on her rear of three pink butterflies.

Derek and Jason froze. Jason’s thought process had been reduced to the basic computational logic, punctuated by the most primitive of internet grammar. Fluttershy is stare at you. What do?

“F-fluttershy?” Jason couldn’t help it. For some reason he couldn’t just bottle it up.

“You know my name?” she said, aghast.

“Now look at what you’ve done,” Derek said, “you’ve already gone and spilled the beans on this whole situation.”

“Shut up, Derek,” Jason snapped. Then to Fluttershy, “hello. Um, my name is uh, Jason, and this here is Derek.” Fluttershy looked at them strangely. Jason continued, “you see, uh, we’re not from around here, and we would be forever in your gratitude if you would be so kind as to help us out a bit.”

“Well, um,” Fluttershy sputtered, “I just need to... go...” With that she ran off back the direction she came from.

“Jesus fucking Christ,” Derek muttered, having already mastered the face-hoof maneuver. “Ten bucks says you just fucked us over.”

“What is it, man?” Jason responded, “you gonna pin this on me too?”

“Well yeah, kinda. Why the hell did you have to say her name?”

“I couldn’t help it! Do you think I had any idea she would totally lose her shit?”

“Well you would have more of an idea than me, wouldn’t you?” Derek was right. Jason hated to admit it, but he knew perfectly well what Fluttershy was like. One had to look no further than her name to see the most fundamental element of her personality.

“Well, ok then,” Jason said, “what do you think we should do?”

“Well, first we should get out of here. Then we should go to school on Monday, just like normal human beings who live on Earth.”

“Yes, I got that part,” Jason knew Derek’s sarcastic half all too well, “but what the fuck are we going to do right now?”

“Well, your friend Fluttershit is probably going to tell someone else, so unless we want the Girlyville police berating us with weird ass questions, then we should probably leave this area.”

Jason sighed deeply. “Good god, you are retarded,” he mumbled, “Alright I’m done arguing. Let’s go.”

So they started walking. Somewhere. Jason secretly hoped they would stumble upon Ponyville, but he wasn’t too hopeful, considering how they hadn’t followed Fluttershy. The woods didn’t change much, either. The trees they went by were all the same, and the ground never changed.

Walking itself was even stranger. Instead of the standard one, two, one, two of human walking, they struggled with a one, two, three, four pattern. Both Jason and Derek often stumbled over their own legs, and when they weren’t doing that they would often pause, trying to remember which leg to move next.

They’d been walking for maybe two minutes in complete silence when Derek finally said, “Dude, can I ask you something serious?”

“Yeah sure, I guess.”

“What do you think this all means?”

“What do you mean? Don’t give me any of that stoner bullshit.”

“I mean, why the hell do you think we’re here?”

Jason paused a moment. “I honestly don’t know. This whole situation makes zero sense to me. It seems unbelievably random and pointless for us to end up here. What’s even stranger is the fact that this place even exists.”

“Is there any sort of reference to a human world in the TV show?”

“Not really. The closest thing I can think of is Equestria Girls, and that was a trainwreck involving technicolor people and the whole structure of civilization being crammed within the confines of one high school.”

“So, no then.”

Pretty soon they reached a path. It zig-zagged in a whimsical “follow the yellow brick road” manner, but had a darker brown tint to it compared to the normal ground. It was clear that the scenery down the path to the right of where they were standing was much more detailed than that of the left. The faint movement of a light wind could be seen, and the trees looked a bit more natural. It was as if the environment was trying to tell them “this is where all the shit is”.

Jason and Derek looked at each other, shrugged, and took a right down the path. For better or for worse, they were going to take this place head on, despite all the total crap they both saw coming their way.

After what seemed like a far too little time, Jason and Derek came over the crest of a hill and saw what appeared to be a small pony establishment a few hundred feet below them.

Jason sighed. “Looks like Ponyville,” he said.

“Ponyville?” asked Derek with a confused look on his face.

“Yeah. It’s where the show takes place,” answered Jason.

“I don’t get it. Do all the ponies live here then?”

“No, they occupy a whole country called Equestria.”

“So then Ponyville is the capital of Equestria?”

“No, that’s Canterlot.”

“So then why is it called Ponyville?”

“Because it just is.”

“But that doesn’t make any sense! It’s like if humans had a town called ‘Humanville’.”

“Why the fuck do you even care, man? It’s just a name.”

“I care because we’re fucking stuck here until someone figures out how the hell we are going to get back to Earth.”

Just then they noticed a group of six ponies approaching them from the bottom of the hill. They were far away, but Jason could tell it was the whole Mane 6. Every last goddamn one of them.

“Shit, dude,” Derek whispered, “this is just what I said was going to happen. The shit’ll really hit the fan now.”

“Jesus fuck, man,” Jason whispered back, “stop over reacting. They’re just the main characters.”

The purple-on-purple pony known to Jason as Twilight Sparkle was the first to address them. “Greetings. My name is Twilight Sparkle.” She said this in the most official Twilight Sparkle-ly voice Jason had ever heard. “My friend Fluttershy here has told me that she found you two out near the edge of the forest. She also said that you knew her name and that you were in a bit of a fix. My friends and I would be more than happy to help you, but only if you tell us why you’re here.”

Jason and Derek looked at each other nervously. Neither of them had any idea as to how they should handle this situation. “Well, uh,” Jason started. Though he’d clearly screwed up their last encounter, it still seemed obvious to both of them that Jason should handle the talking. “We’re from a really far away place, Saddle Arabia, and in traveling here we have become rather, uh, lost and we need some help with lodging and food for the time being.” A lame answer, but legit nonetheless.

Twilight then said, “hmm, and how did you know Fluttershy’s name?”

“Well, uh, that was just a coincidence. You see, I was merely commenting on her fluttery and shy-like qualities.”

“uh-huh,” Twilight responded. The rest of the mane 6 looked just as unimpressed as Twilight did. “A strange story indeed. Regardless, I will find someplace for you two to stay tonight.”

“No need, Twilight. I am perfectly fine with having those two stay at my house until further notice.” Jason found it very hard to hide his excitement. Of all the mane 6, Rarity was clearly the best. Her purple mane, her perfect white coat, her voice, her personality, even her cutie mark, all of it was just dazzling do Jason.

“Are you sure Rarity?” Twilight said, “I’m sure I can find somepony else to accommodate them.”

“Oh, that’s quite alright,” Rarity said, “you see, I am quite intrigued by foreigners. It would be an absolute delight to host them!”

“Alright then,” Twilight said, “looks like you two can accompany Rarity back to her home for the night. In the morning, I expect to hear more about how you got here.”

“‘kay,” Jason said. It was all he could manage in the midst of everything that was happening.

The eight of them then began walking back down the hill into Ponyville, and the rest of the mane 6 slowly peeled off as they headed to their respective homes.

When it was just Derek, Jason, Fluttershy, and Rarity, Derek whispered to Jason, “why the fuck did you say we were from Saudi Arabia? I don’t know shit about that place.”

“No, you idiot. I said Saddle Arabia. It’s just a pun. The place was briefly mentioned in one of the episodes as a foreign country. I’m pretty sure we can get away with telling them anything we want when they ask about what it’s like there.”

They eventually reached Rarity’s house. It was a small, two story building with a boutique on the bottom floor. Rarity opened the door and let herself in. Jason entered, followed by Derek. Derek was about to close the door behind them when Fluttershy stopped him.

“Wait,” she said, “I just have one question.”

Derek turned around, still awkward in both communication as well as movement in his new pony body. “Yeah?” he said, “what is it?”

Fluttershy paused a long while before she spoke. “I was just wondering, um, what does ‘fucking’ mean?”

“Fucking bitch!” Derek screamed, kicking the rear bumper of the car as it hung a right through the intersection. “Tried to run us over? You’re fucking psycho!” he continued to yell at the now receding car. Jason and Derek were crossing the street after enjoying the amenities of a local soda machine.

If he remembers correctly, Jason and his friend had a special kind of loyalty to that certain row of vending machines. Memories of that venue perhaps aren’t the most important, but this one still holds a spot in Jason’s mind.

“Damnit, I spilled shit all over my pants,” said Derek.

“Damn strait,” Jason replied, “you should have gotten coke anyway.”

“Yeah, whatever.”

It was a blistering Friday afternoon, and Jason and Derek were strutting down the main drag like a pair of ‘80s cool kids. It was hard to blame them. They wanted to feel alive for one night before the workload of their seven daily classes consumed the rest of their weekend.

“So where are we going to get some food, huh?” Jason asked, “I was thinking about wings, but I guess you’d just complain about the prices again.”

“Actually, I heard Garrett and some of the other guys were meeting down at the wing place after school.”

“Well, shit. If we hurry, we could chow down on some wings, while at the same time chillin’ with some brosephs,” Jason said with his mocking gangster-like tone.

“I’m serious, dude. Those guys are chill.”

“Alright, whatever lets you sleep at night.”

Thirty minutes later, Jason and Derek were lounging in front of a pile of meatless bones next to four of their peers. Two of them were stoners, both of whom were currently stoned.

While the two stoners were still busy satisfying their munchies, Jason, Derek, and the third kid (Garrett?) were long finished eating.

“So Jason,” blurted Garrett, “what’s hangin’ man? It’s been, like, forever right?”

Jason coughed, “uh, not much.” He didn’t like pretend-socializing with people he didn’t really know.

“You should tell him about your new favorite show,” Derek snickered.

“Fuck you, Derek.”

“Wait, what?” The subject had already caught Garrett’s attention. “Tell me about this new show.”

“He watches My Little Pony!” Derek exclaimed.

“Friendship is Magic,” responded Jason.

“What?”

“I watch My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic. Just be clear on what generation we’re talking about.” Jason cursed himself for his obsessiveness.

“Whoa!” Garrett said. He seemed to have just realized something important. “Are you, like, one of those- what are they called?- brownies?”

“Yeah, I’m a fucking brownie,” Jason replied sarcastically.

“So you’re not then?” Garrett asked.

“I’m a brony, not a brownie.”

“ohh,” Garrett looked like he understood. Jason didn’t have very high expectations for Garrett’s intelligence level. “So is it, like, super intense or what?”

“Not really. They pretty much just help each other learn about friendship.”

“ohh. Fuckin’ rad man.”

Derek was busy convulsing on the floor with laughter.

Author's Note

So, uh, yeah. It's kind of confusing, and I'm not sure where I'm going with it. If it clears anything up at all, the story is told from three different points in time, latest being the first section, earliest being the last section (they're separated by horizontal rules). I'm pretty sure I'll have each chapter continue the story from each of the three points in time.

I'll probably have chapter 2 up in a few weeks.