Cake Walk
An MLP:FiM Fanfic by Midnight Shadow
Note: I'll reiterate what I said earlier. This story is only here as an example of what NOT to do. It's a BAD story. Badly written, badly executed, short and simplistic. A five year old could do better. It doesn't deserve to be up on EqD and wouldn't be if it had been delivered now.
If you've ever wondered whether standards at EqD have gone up, then read this. They have. Be assured.
***
“La-la-la-la-la-lalaaaaa” sang Pinkie Pie as she bounced along the country road wearing her patented umbrella hat, just in case. It was amazing how well she could sing with a cup held in her mouth. Many ponies saw her pass and and just rolled their eyes and shook their heads. This was, after all, Pinkie Pie.
The very pink pony ecstatically bounced to a stop in front of a large, busy, red stallion, “fiff if for foo!” she mumbled through the cup
“A-wha’ now?” said Big Mac, looking up from his chores, large sun-hat flopping on his head
“FI faid, fiff iff for foo!” she all but spat it out onto a bale of hay before making an annoyed little ‘harrumph!’ noise, clearing her throat, “I said this is for you, silly!”
“That’s a cup o’ sugar, sugar.” said Big Mac, mystified
“I know what it is! I brought it to you!” Pinkie Pie laughed, giggling with her hooves covering her muzzle. When she had stopped, she started to explain. And explain. And explain.
“I was in the kitchen and it was such a lovely day and I was hungry but not for sandwiches cos I’d had sandwiches yesterday and they were like so good but I didn’t want them again so I decided to cook and then I didn’t know what to cook so I found a cookbook and opened it and...”
“Woaaahhhh there li’l missy, y’all be gabbin’ ninteeen to the dozen, back up there an’ tell me why you durn gone an’ brought me a cup’o’sugar all this way, huh? You durn well know how ta cook...”
“Cos I was cooking cupcakes, silly! And this is an entiirrreeeeely different recipe to normal!”
“....and?”
“And it said take some sugar, but I didn’t know where to take it to, and then I ‘membered you’re always asking for some sugar from almost everypony you meet, though now I think about it it’s only the girls, but most of us are girls here an’...”
Big Mac groaned and put a hoof to his face and made a mental note to stop saying “gimme some sugar” where Pinkie Pie could hear, and then spoke, “Pinks, you durn got the wrong end o’the stick with this here cookin’ plan - mmm....mebbe you’se need talk ta AJ, she’s better with apples...”
An orange pony with three apples as a cutie mark raised her head from what she was doing, “Mah ears’re burnin’...who’s that callin’ ma name? YEEEEHHAAAAWWWW!”
Applejack came bounding over the fence in a scatter of hooves, main and tail and leapt clear over Big Mac to stop just shy of Pinkie Pie, “did I hear y’all mention cupcakes?”
***
As Big Mac, carrying a huge pair of panniers filled with apples, trotted down the road with Pinkie Pie and his little sister Applejack, the sun climbed higher into the sky. A sudden breeze almost took his hat off - the flick of a tail is what actually sent it flying.
“DAAASHHHHH! Come onnnn, that’s mah hat!”
“Ooops,” giggled Rainbow Dash, coming to a stop in mid-air, fluttering her wings, “didn’t mean to cut it that close! I’ll get it!”
Dash zoomed through the air, did a barrel roll, picked up the hat, curved up into an immelman and zoomed over the trio, depositing the hat on Mac’s head before bouncing off a tree and sommersaulting in front of the group, “wotcha dooooin’?”
“We’re makin’ CUPCAKES!” shouted Pinkie Pie gleefully
“...in the road?” giggled Dash, blowing a stray lock of hair out of her eyes
“NO, silly!” Pinkie Pie giggled again, it wasn’t difficult to make her laugh, “at my house.”
“What flavour? Chocolate?”
Big Mac looked meaningfully at the apples on his back.
“I mean...chocolate too, right?”
***
WHAM WHAM WHAM WHAM WHAM...
“UGH!” complained Twilight Sparkle, “can’t they tell I’m reading? And can’t you get up and open the door?” Twilight gave Spike’s basket a kick as she passed.
“mmm...m’bus’sleepin’” mumbled Spike, pulling his blanket over his head so Twilight wouldn’t see the thumb in his mouth, “go’way!”
“Lazy dragon. Don’t care if you’re a baby, you shouldn’t need to sleep that much.”
Twilight opened the door with her muzzle open ready to give the interlopers a mouthful but deflated when she saw the happy hopeful looks of her friends. They’d even picked up Fluttershy who looked like she was going to curl up and die from the embarrasment of actually being visible, and Rarity, who was determined to make sure that any cupcakes made were simply beautiful.
Twilight sighed, “what is it now?”
“We’re making CUPCAKES!” said everyone, Pinkie giving a little jump into the air.
“...In my doorway?” said Twilight, raising an eyebrow and flicking an ear.
“NO silly, at my house!” said Pinkie.
“What’re you waitin’ for?” said a voice by Twilight’s ankle, “LET’S GO!” Spike had woken up and gotten himself ready for a good cupcaking in record time. Twilight sighed again, her quiet day of reading was ruined, so she dutifully headed off for a few excruciating hours of fun with her friends.
***
“So I separated two eggs...only the recipe said five? So I put one over here in the sock-drawer and another one over here in the bread-bin...and the other three are here. They must have been really naughty cos the book says I have to beat them, but I just gave them a light spanking only I think I did it wrong...” Pinkie Pie was explaining in exasperating detail about her misadventures with cooking. Twilight rolled her eyes, this was, after all, Pinkie Pie.
“Right,” said Twilight, “time to get organized...”
***
A while later, with Pinkie Pie excitedly putting sprinkles on not one but three batches of cupcakes, one chocolate, one apple, one vanilla, there was a knock at the door...two ponies stood there.
“Muffin?” asked the first hopefully, a grey pegasus pony with a lazy eye.
“Derp- I mean Bright Eyes! No, not muffins...cupcakes! Want some?”
“uh huh!” said Derpyhooves, and delivered a letter or two to various ponies already in the ponyden. The other pony was Vinyl Scratch, better known as DJ Pon-3,
“PONIESSSSSS....I...I thought you could do with some music? To eat your cupcakes with?”
Pinkie Pie giggled, “Come in, silly! Infact...”
Pinkie went to the door and out into the town, “ATTENTION EVERYPONY! WE’RE HAVING CUPCAKES! WHO WANTS SOME?” she hollered, and quite a few more ponies started showing up...
Sometimes, Pinkie didn’t need to plan a party, they just happened.
