Fruit Cocktail

Chapter 7

Appleloosa, Equestria

As Spike stepped off of the train, there was one thing that he noticed before anything else. It was hot…so Celestia damned hot. Yes, it was true that he had technically visited Appleloosa before but…that was when he was a dragon, not a human. Dragons were built to resist heat, nay, they thrived in it! In his previously scaly form, he could have taken a bath in hot lava and came out no worse for wear. However, much to his dismay, his new human form didn’t withstand the heat quite so well.

He glanced over at Sunset and AJ and grumbled to himself when he saw that they didn’t seem bothered in the slightest. Fluttershy didn’t seem too bothered either but that was only because she was wearing a thin sun-dress. So that only left Rarity, the only other person in the group who shared his plight. Much like Spike, she had opted to wear a t-shirt and a pair of blue jeans. Spike had yet to verbalize his discomfort but Rarity had no such compunctions.

Rarity adjusted the collar of her shirt. “Uggh! Why does it HAVE to be so hot out here? I sincerely hope that it won’t take Braeburn very long to meet us. I’d rather not stew in my own sweat, thank you very much!”

“Calm down Rares. Brae’s usually a punctual fella. He’ll be here soon.”

“Very well. But so help me, Applejack. If your aunt’s house doesn’t have air conditioning…”

Before Rarity could finish her sentence, Braeburn came barreling down the terminal towards them. Without a moment’s hesitation, he crushed AJ’s poor ribcage with a fierce Apple Family bear-hug. Ever the gentleman, he released AJ and started gathering some of Rarity and Shy’s luggage.

AJ coughed. “Nice ta see you too Brae.”

“Likewise AJ! Ah see ya brought some o’ yer friends along. Howdy y’all and welcome to Aaaaaaapplelooosa! Hmm…ah recognize Ms. Rarity and o’ course, Ms. Fluttershy. But I’ve never seen the green haired fella or the fiery-haired gal before.”

“The guy's name is Spike, and the other one is Sunset. It’s their first time in Appleloosa and ah wanted ta show ‘em how fun the Summer Festival is.”

“Ain’t that swell? I’m sure they’ll have a grand ole’ time. If y’all will follow me, we’ll get yer stuff loaded onto the truck.”

One very bumpy and complaint ridden truck ride later, the Ponyville entourage arrived at Cherry Hill Ranch. The ranch itself was owned by AJ’s aunt, Cherry Jubilee. She inherited it after her husband, Cortland Apple, died from a heart attack five years prior. Unlike her husband, she wasn’t entirely fond of farming, even though her family had made a name for themselves selling cherries all over Equestria. Cherry’s true passion was marketing. She left all of the growing to her employees, while she sold a variety of cherry based products. As a result, she became a very wealthy woman but she was still very much the same kind-hearted country girl that Cortland fell in love with two decades ago.

Cherry kissed Braeburn on the cheek. “Welcome back. I trust our guests have arrived as well?”

“Sure have Ma. Although, there was a bit o’ complainin’ on account o’ the bumpy road. Especially from Ms. Rarity. But…ah reckon she’ll be right as rain as soon as she sees her quarters.”

“I imagine so. She always struck me as the prim and proper type. Hmm…if I’m not mistaken, it seems that Ms. Fluttershy has decided to stay as well. How very interesting…”

“Umm…yeah. So she has. What of it?”

“Oh nothing. I was just thinking of how nice it must be to have your favorite pen-pal come over for a visit. And during the Summer Festival no less.”

Braeburn blushed. “Ah r-reckon it is rather nice.”

“So…are you going to ask her to accompany you to the festival?”

“The uhhh…thought might have c-crossed mah mind.”

Cherry patted him on the back. “A word of advice son: Do a little less thinking and a bit more asking. Oh and for what it’s worth, you’ve made an excellent choice. She’s got quite a pair of knockers for her age.”

“MA! T-that ain’t proper! You know I like her for more than just that.”

“Good, that means I raised you right. But…I still think she’s really cute.”

Braeburn shook his head while he tried to compose himself. He realized long ago that it was pointless to argue with his mother. She always liked to tease the people that were near and dear to her heart. Although embarrassing, it was never done out of spite but out of love. Noticing that Spike had already taken Rarity’s suitcase as well as his own, Braeburn decided that it would be both polite and prudent to take Fluttershy’s luggage.

As soon as Cherry’s guests entered her home, their mouths all hung open in shock. Having never actually visited the ranch itself, they expected it to be modestly sized and furnished. However, they were met with the complete opposite. It was a sprawling complex that easily compared to a luxury resort or grand hotel. The inside was crafted from brilliantly lacquered wood that was made from the finest imported Zebrican ebony. Hung along the walls were genuine Buffalo Tribe quilts and art that most certainly were older than Appleloosa itself. It gave the ranch a sort of rustic feel that one might get when visiting a lodge, but with flair of sophistication. Once everyone stopped gawking, Cherry stood in front of her guests and spread out her arms.

“Welcome to my humble abode! I hope that the accommodations will be to your liking.”

Rarity gasped. “You call this humble?! My word…I w-was expecting a rustic little farmhouse b-but this is simply MARVELOUS! I feel like I’m staying at some opulent summer lodge, nestled in the mountains of Prance.”

“Thank you kindly, Ms. Rarity. I take quite a bit of pride in keeping my home as presentable as possible.

“And quite presentable it is! I have a feeling that this week is…going…to…be THE BEST POSSIBLE THING!”

Spike chuckled. “Whoa save some of that enthusiasm for the festival. I wouldn’t want you to tire yourself out before we got to do anything.”

“We? What exactly do you mean by that Spike?”

“Uhh…you know, all of us.”

“Ah. So we’re going to the festival as a group then?”

AJ held up her hand. “Now hold on a second Rares. Let’s not jump to any conclusions just yet.”

“Excuse me darling, but I was under the impression that this little sortie was all planned out.”

“Well…kind of ah guess. BUT! It wouldn’t hurt to go over some ground rules. You know, just to make absolute sure that we know exactly who we’re going with—ah umm…mean what we’re doin’. Yeah…that’s it!”

“Fluttershy, do you agree with Applejack?”

Shy shuffled her feet. “Umm…I think it would be a pretty good idea. I mean, what’s the harm in planning things out a little better?”

“Worry not my dear companions, for I am a reasonable woman. And women of reason listen to the opinions of their friends. Tomorrow morning, we shall convene to decide who goes with whom. As for now I’m tired…and hungry enough to devour an entire buffet table. It’s improper for a lady to make any decisions on an empty stomach, after all.”

Braeburn rubbed his hands together. “Whelp, all the luggage is now officially stashed. Seein’ as it’s already four thirty, we might as well grab an early dinner. Are y’all up for a bite to eat?”

“You have impeccable timing, Braeburn! I was just commenting on how famished I am. An early dinner sounds like a wonderful idea. I doubt anyone will oppose because we had a very light lunch aboard the train.”

“Good. I’ll take y’all to mah favorite restaurant in town! It ain’t the fanciest joint around, but the food is down-right delicious.”

The Whiskey Keg: Tavern & Grille, Appleloosa

Braeburn led his group of friends to a quaint little stone tavern on the edge of town. It looked somewhat out of place compared to many of the modern buildings around it, simply because it was far older than any of them. In fact, the tavern had been founded the very same day the town had, making it a historical landmark. Above its time-worn oaken doors, a painted sign displayed an overflowing whiskey barrel. Below the sign in flowing cursive it said: “Rest ye weary travelers from yon desert’s harshest gale, and wander inside for the finest ale.”

Despite the tavern’s outward appearance, the inside was a strange blend of modern and historical. Old iron chandeliers hung from the ceiling, powered by electric bulbs instead of candles. The mugs at the bar were made from pewter but the bartender filled all of them from a modern tap. Nestled in the middle of the room was a large hearth, complete with a roaring fire and a rifle placed upon the mantle. Across from the hearth was a karaoke machine.

The six of them sat at a large circular table situated between the karaoke machine and the hearth while the barkeep wandered over to take their orders. The barkeep was a burly man who wore a pair of blue jeans, a white dress shirt with the sleeves rolled up and a leather vest. His modern attire clashed heavily with his choice of hairstyle. The man’s black hair was slicked back and finely combed which complimented his thick mutton chops. Noticing all the ladies present at the table, he bowed slightly and smiled.

“Welcome to the Keg! What’ll everyone be havin’ this evening?”

Braeburn waved. “Howdy General, ah brought some o’ my friends from Ponyville here to sample your fine cuisine and do bit o’ drinkin’ too. As for me, I’ll have a steak.”

Fluttershy and Rarity both ordered a Caesar Salad because they were the lightest eaters of the group (despite her earlier boast, Rarity had a figure to maintain). Applejack ordered a rack of ribs, while Sunset opted to order a simple hamburger. Spike, used to consuming vegetarian dishes and gemstones, thought that it was high time to try some meat. In the end, he decided to get something called “Pulled Pork BBQ” and “French Fries”. Once the barkeep scribbled down their orders he handed a tiny slip of paper to his cook and resumed his duties behind the counter.

Spike took a bite out of his dinner roll. “Why did you call that guy a general? Did he serve in the military or something?”

“He didn’t serve in the military as far as ah know. We call ‘im the general ‘cause his hair makes him look like the famous frontier commander, General Ironsides. His real name’s Barley Oats, though I haven’t heard anyone call ‘im that in a long time.”

Spike and Braeburn continued to chat about various things, even after their food. Rarity wiped her mouth and took a moment to observe the two. She couldn’t help but stifle a small giggle when she saw how wide Spike’s eyes became when he bit into the pork sandwich. He chewed it slowly, as if it was the last thing he would ever eat. It could have just been the murky lighting of the tavern, but Rarity swore she saw him shed a few tears in apparent joy.

“I have no words. This is like…THE BEST SANDWICH I'VE EVER HAD!”

Braeburn laughed. “Well, this place is famous for ‘em.”

“You don’t understand. I’ve never had pork before. Sure, I’ve heard about it and I’ve seen plenty of pigs…but I never knew pork was so…DIVINE! It makes me wonder what other things I’ve been missing…”

“Ah ain’t never seen a man get so emotional over BBQ.”

While Spike continued to espouse the glories of roasted swine flesh, Rarity shifted her attention towards Fluttershy. It worried Rarity that her introverted friend had barely touched the salad in front of her. Instead, she was using her fork to fiddle with a crouton while staring at Braeburn wistfully.

Rarity knew that Shy was smitten with AJ’s admittedly handsome cousin, due to their constant (and adorably romantic in her own humble opinion) correspondence since the Buffalo Tribe incident. But she also knew that the subject of her friend’s affection was a delicate one. There would be no lewd jokes or teasing, as she had done with Applejack. Such things would only serve to embarrass her friend and possibly discourage her from even attempting to court Braeburn. No, only the gentlest approach would do in this situation. Rarity positioned her chair slightly closer to Shy while gripping her hand firmly.

“What’s wrong darling? You’ve barely touched your salad.”

Shy sighed. “Oh…sorry, I got lost in thought. It won’t happen again.”

“Well, that's perfectly alright. Actually, I believe I need to go powder my nose. Would you care to join me?”

Fluttershy blinked. “Huh? Oh, but I--”

“I insist,” Rarity hissed, before grabbing Fluttershy's wrist and hauling her off her chair.

AJ raised her brow. "Where are you two goin' in such a hurry?"

"We just need to freshen up a bit. Don't worry, we'll be back in two shakes of a lamb's tail!"

"Hmmm, well alright. Just don't take too long."

Rarity dragged Shy into the bathroom and stood in front of the sink, tapping her foot.

“It’s going to take more than that to brush me off. You know I won’t stop asking until you tell me what’s actually wrong.”

“I’m…frustrated.”

“Frustrated with what exactly?”

Shy rubbed her forehead. “Rarity, I don’t mean to be rude but…please don’t act like you have no idea what I’m referencing just to spare my feelings. This is serious!”

“Ah…very well Fluttershy. Why doyou feel frustrated?”

“I was really hoping that I could ask Braeburn to go with me to the festival. And by me, I mean just the two of us. No…groups. But…I h-haven’t really had the chance to talk with him one on one.”

“Between you and I, that was the whole reason I suggested we wait until morning to decide the festival’s…arrangements. We all have a certain someone we’d like to go with.”

“I see. You want to go with Spike, don’t you?”

Rarity coughed awkwardly. “Ehem…yes, I do. I hope that this festival might transform our current relationship into…something more.”

“I was wondering if you liked him. It’s nice to see that you’ve finally set your eyes on a guy that actually exists.”

“What exactly do you mean by actually exists?”

“Well…you’re always talking about how you’re going to find a handsome prince to sweep you off your feet. That’s really romantic but…it isn’t very realistic. Sorry…but it’s true.”

“Yes, I suppose it is. However, we’re veering off topic darling. I want to talk about your issues, not mine.”

Shy bit her lip. “R-right…sorry. What’s so frustrating is that I j-just can’t work up the nerve to actually talk to him about…d-d-dating!”

“I know you have some reservations, but talking to him in person can’t be that much different than writing to him. Please tell me the both of you discuss more than just the weather in your letters…”

“We do! I mean…it started off as small talk but it got more complicated as time went on. I practically bared my soul in some of those letters! A-and he might have too…”

Rarity cooed. “That’s so wonderful! This sounds almost like a romance novel. A handsome and rugged farmhand, who’s really a poet at heart, captures the heart of an innocent maiden. *Squee*! Do you have an idea how lucky you are?”

“Umm…I guess so. But why is so hard to talk to guys? Every time I see Braeburn I just clam up and feel like I want to hide. I don’t get that way when I write to him. H-how am I going to work up the courage? I…just don’t know if I can do it.”

“I think it’s because you’re afraid that he won’t return your affections, or that you’ll end up making a fool of yourself. Fear is a very natural thing to feel in this sort of situation but you can’t let it rob you of your happiness.”

“But…”

“Answer this simple question: If Braeburn didn’t care for you, why would he continue to write back? And for that matter, why would he express himself so thoroughly unless he wanted you to know him on a deeper level?”

“I guess…I never thought about it that way. But…THAT STILL DOESN’T CHANGE THE FACT THAT I’M TERRIFIED TO TALK WITH HIM!”

“Ok, just calm down darling. I promise that we’ll figure something out. Ughh…I wish I had some wine to calm my nerves. Nothing helps me relax like a hot bubbly bath and a glass of Sauvignon Blanc. But…it’s too early for that now.”

Fluttershy gasped. “That’s it! I can’t believe I didn’t think of it before.”

“Think of what?”

“Booze! It’s the answer to my problem. If I just have a little bit to drink, it’ll give me enough courage to ask Braeburn out.”

Rarity winced. “Fluttershy, I don’t think that’s such a good idea.”

“Nonsense! I’ll just get something fruity, like a wine cooler. Those don’t have very much alcohol in them anyway. I’ll be fine.”

“Whatever you say dear. Just don’t go overboard.”

With a noticeable bounce in her step, Fluttershy left the restroom and made her way up to the bar. Barely Oats liked to clean the mugs and glasses when business was slow, but he never failed to spot a patron in need of spirits. Years of bartending had honed his ability to multi-task to the point that he could clean anything without really thinking about it. As the pink haired girl set her hands on counter, he put down the mug he was cleaning and looked at her expectantly.

“What can I get ya miss?”

“I’ll take the fruitiest drink you have please!”

“Sure thing. One Desert Sunrise comin’ right up!”

Shy wasn’t sure exactly what a “Desert Sunrise” was, but it sounded pleasant enough. In her limited experience, she found that most exotic sounding drinks tended to be on the weaker side. While she pondered what she was going to say to Braeburn, she jumped in surprise when the bartender slammed a glass onto the counter. She had expected it to take at least a few minutes for the drink to be prepared but it had only been a little less than a minute. Whoever this bartender was, he knew his craft.

The drink itself was poured into a tall glass, roughly the size of a pint but much thinner. The liquid inside was a mixture of orange and red juices that made it look very much like its namesake. Shy took a tiny sip and found that it was not only very delicious, but it was also bubbly! Giggling loudly to herself, she chugged through the rest of the drink with gusto then slid it across the counter towards the waiting bartender.

Shy burped. “Say…what was in that drink? It was REALLY tasty!”

“Thank you ma’am. Let’s see…there’s orange juice, maraschino cherry syrup, seltzer water, a hint of agave nectar and…a healthy dose of Buffalo Tribe Silver Label Tequila.”

“Izzat all? Hahahaha! Well I LIKED it! *Errup* Oh my! Well anyway, I wuz…wonderin’, do you have like…anything in here that plays music?”

“Sure do. The karaoke machine is on the wall opposite o’ the hearth. Can’t miss it.”

“Thanks! Now if you’ll *hic* excuuuuussse me, I gotta go sing to that sexy cowboy over there so he notices me.”

Rarity watched in abject horror as a visibly intoxicated Fluttershy stumbled her way over to the karaoke machine and inserted a few coins to select a song. A few seconds later, the sound system crackled to life, playing a jaunty tune that would have been right at home in one of those old speak-easies. By some miracle, Shy managed to walk all the way over to the table without falling straight on her ass. She paused for a just a moment, then yanked Braeburn and his chair away from the table and plopped herself on top of his lap.

♫ No one to talk with…all by myself ♫

♫ No one to walk with…but I’m happy on the shelf ♫

♫ Ain’t misbavin’, I’m saying my love for you! ♫

“Uhh…Ms. Flutterhy, what do ya think you’re doin’?”

♫ I know for certain, the one I love! ♫

♫ I’m through with flirtin’…it’s just you I’m thinking of ♫

♫ AIN’T MISBEHAVIN’! I’M SAYIN’ MY LOVE FOR YOOOOOU! ♫

Once she was done belting out the last line, Shy dropped the microphone and started playing with Braeburn’s hair. Meanwhile, Brae desperately looked around the table for anyone who might bail him out of this extremely awkward situation, but everyone looked either too amused or embarrassed to help.

“Well now…that was certainly a nice song. You have a wonderful voice, Ms. Fluttershy.”

Shy giggled. “Thanks, but just call me Shy. All that Ms. stuff makes it sound like you don’t even know me! Oh, by the way …I sang that song just for you.”

“Really? I’m flattered. Honestly, ah am.”

“Well…you should be! It took all of the courage I could muster to *erup*…sing that.”

“Does that mean that you…lo—ike me?”

Shy scrunched her nose. “Duh! Do I have to put up a big *hic* neon sign too!?”

“I can’t believe it….”

“Pbbbfft! You still don’t get it? Fine. I’ll just have to give you another hint!”

Shy grabbed Braeburn’s face and jammed her lips against his own. Such was his surprise that he didn’t really react…until Fluttershy started using her tongue to wrestle with his. Alarm bells rang in his head, telling him that it was improper to take advantage of an inebriated woman. But…a more primitive and far hornier part told him: “Atta boy, tiger!” He allowed the kiss to linger for just a few more seconds and then disengaged himself from Shy’s mouth with a wet pop. With a heavy blush upon his face, he tore his attention away from the girl sitting on his lap and tried to compose himself.

Shy rested her head on his chest. “Mmmm…you’re so warm and cuddly. I think…a little nap is in order. Yeah…jussst…a quick one.”

Within seconds she was fast asleep and slobbering all over Braeburn’s shirt.

Author's Note

I had way too much fun writing Flutterdrunk. The entire scene was ripped off--err...I mean inspired by a comic called "The five levels of Fluttershyness" by JayNaylor on Deviantart. ----> [http://jaynaylor.deviantart.com/art/One-Pony-3-282763293]. The next chapter is all about the Summer Festival, where you can expect gratuitous shipping and fuzzy/snuggly feels.