Applejack in an Interview about Rainbow Dash and the Musical Problem or (The Fanfiction with the stupid title)

by rafaeljr94

Rating: everyone
Tags: Comedy, Random
Length: 1072

After the events of "Rarity takes Manehattan Rainbow Dash has become a monophilia, don't know what that is well think of non stop musical numbers. An interview with Applejack explains how this all began.

After the events of "Rarity takes Manehattan Rainbow Dash has become a monophilia, don't know what that is well think of non stop musical numbers. An interview with Applejack explains how this all began.

Published 1970-01-01 00:00:00 UTC
Last updated 2014-01-06 05:30:32 UTC

Chapter 1

Note to reader: This interview takes place somewhere in between episode 8 "Rarity Takes Manehattan", and the Twilight Zone. So no, I don't consider this canon, and neither should you.

Interviewer: So Apple Jack, we are just taking your statement for research purposes, this will help a lot of ponies understand how monophilia starts. Are you giving me permission to use this recording?

Applejack: Yeah, I recon I am?

Interviewer: Wait? Was that a question?

Applejack: Did it sound like a question?

Interviewer: Kinda, Just answer the question?

Applejack: Which question the first one or the second one?

Interviewer: The first one... Celestia.

Applejack: Yes, I am giving you my permission to use this interview.

Interviewer: OK, thank you, now I guess we should start from the beginning after leaving Manehattan, would you like to begin?

Applejack: Yea. OK. See, after we left Manehattan, everything was back to normal we where all proud of Rarity. Even though she had been a total- hold on, can I say [expletive], oh I can't? OK. Well, even though she had been her usual self, we where proud of Rarity. She had won that fashion thingy and everyone was happy as usual, but when we got home things started to change. Everyone else had gone back to work as usual, me to my farm, Pinkie to Sugar Cube Corner Rarity to her shop, but for a while no one had seen or heard from Rainbow Dash. It was like she just left or something? I mean yea she's lazy but she would never just quit her job. Well, we talked to Fluttershy about it and she said that the last time she saw her she was acting kinda of strange, talking non-stop about Henny of the Hills or something.

Interviewer: Henny of the Hills? I see. So, when did you find her?

Applejack: Let's see... It was about a week later. Turns out she had gone back to Manehattan, to go see more musicals, she saw all the great ones, you know, Phantom, Chicago, The Lion King, Wicked, did you know they brought back Cats, I was sure pissed off about that one.

Interviewer: Oh, really? Did they bring back Elaine Paige?

Applejack: Yea, I think so. I mean I didn't see it but Rainbow Dash said it was her.

Interviewer: Wow... Well what happened once she returned?

Applejack: She just told us she went back to see more musicals. She said Henny of the Hills had changed her.

Interviewer: But I thought she wasn't a fan of musicals?

Applejack: Well yeah, but when all you have are the ones down here in Ponyville, there ain't much to like.

Interviewer: OK. So she came home and what? She just liked musicals? That doesn't seem so bad?

Applejack: Yea, that's what we all thought at first but then it started getting weird, she was singing non stop, it was like in that movie with Wolverine, Les Mis or something, even when she was just talking she was singing. And just to be completely honest here because I am the element of honesty after all, it was pretty damn annoying,

Interviewer: The movie or Rainbow Dash?

Applejack: Rainbow Dash. The movie was OK, Catwoman could have been in it more though.

Interviewer: OK. So she would just break into song?

Applejack: Uh-huh, and I don't know if you've ever heard her sing but it's down right horrible, usually we just dub over her when we have a musical number.

Interviewer: Really? Who does that?

Applejack: I do.

Interviewer: Oh. You know, now that you mention it you two do have similar voices.

Applejack: No kiddin.

Interviewer: OK continue.

Applejack: Well we where getting pretty sick of it so we thought maybe if she saw a movie she would stop singing so much. You know calm her down.

Interviewer: OK. What movie did you see?

Applejack: Frozen.

Interviewer: [expletive]

Applejack: Yea, we had no idea. The movie was great and everything, it was beautiful and the songs where amazing but, I swear to Celestia if I have to hear "Let it Go" off key one more time, I'm going to kill that pony.

Interviewer: OK so what happened next?

Applejack: Well, after the movie it just got worse, she was breaking into songs left and right, but the worse thing about it is that she has no musical timing. Like, there has to be a reason to break into song, you can't just start singing out of nowhere, then you just look foolish. And you see, we where at this Royal Princess thing for Twilight, really fancy pants, Luna even made an appearance, and well it was going fine we hadn't heard a peep from Rainbow the whole day, but then during the ceremony out of nowhere Rainbow Dash breaks out into a full rendition of Mama Mia, that's three acts and an encore.

Interviewer: My Celestia.

Applejack: Yup, that's when we decided to take her to the cuckoo's nest- I mean rehabilitation center, and that’s when the doctors told us she has monophilia.

Interviewer: Of course and how has her treatment been going here?

Applejack: Well, we hoped we wouldn't have to go this extreme, but I think this is best for her. I cain’t imagine the pain she's going through. I mean, I couldn't finish the first High School Musical, and she's been forced to watch all of them for days now.

Interviewer: Do you think the treatment will be a success?

Applejack: No way of knowing... All there is to do now is pray. May Celestia help her soul.

Interviewer: May Celestia help her indeed.

Applejack: OK are we done here or what I gotta get back before Granny starts beating Winona again.

Interviewer: Of course but before we go, is there anything you would like to say to Rainbow Dash on this recording?

Applejack: Oh yea. Well, sugar cube, don't worry soon your treatment will be over and we can go back to being the six great friends we always are, without you around the group is just a little bit less cooler.

Interviewer: Would you say it's 20% less-

Applejack: No I wouldn't. OK I'm done here.

Interviewer: Wait, before you go. Do you know if your friend Rarity is single at the moment?

Applejack: Yep, definitely out of here.

Interviewer: Wait, what?

Applejack: Good bye! (Hoof steps out the door)