The League of Incredibly Useless Super Ponies
A series of unfortunate events.
Our story starts off like most stories. Under the bright and shining sky in the city of Ponyville. It was an average day, ponies were shopping, eating, playing and working all across this quite town. The day, being the normal day it is, will soon change to become a most interesting day to say the least. It wasn’t even noon before energetic pony Pinky Pie comes jumping into Twilight's library with a huge announcement.
“Guess what everypony!” Pinky shouted after she basically broke down the door. “It's super big humungous gigantic news!”
“Pinky,” sighed Twilight looking at her old door. “Two things. The first is to please stop breaking my doors. The second is, what's the news?”
“I was just in Canterlot with the Cakes competing in the ultimate bake-a-thon when Celestia stopped by. She told me to tell you that in three days she will be transporting barrels of toxic magic waste through Ponyville!” Pinky stopped to take in a breath.
“Pinky, I know this already,” said Twilight putting a blanket over her door. “Why was this such big news?”
Pinky took a huge breath. “Because I found one bit on the train ride over! It's my lucky bit now!” Pinky started to squeal with delight as she hopped out of Twilight's library.
Twilight sighed and formed a smile on her face. “Oh that Pinky. Well, time to start another door funeral then get to work.” After burying yet another broken door, Twilight began preparations to make sure that nothing happened to this batch of toxic magic waste. She got all of the security needed for that day. She made sure that nothing was planned that would in any way be able to knock over the barrels. Yep, Twilight did everything she needed to all in one day.
“Ahhh,” Twilight sighed in relief. “There's nothing like that feeling of a job well done, eh Spike?”
“I couldn’t agree more,” said Spike, putting in the final hinge for the tree's brand new door. “Isn’t she a beauty, Twilight?”
“She certainly is Spike,” she said walking over to her baby dragon. “I wouldn’t expect anything less from my number one assistant. Let's go to bed now. It's been a long day.” Spike nodded and followed Twilight upstairs into the bedroom.
Meanwhile in Canterlot Castle
“Sister!” Shouted Luna running into Celestia's bedroom. “I have urgent news for you.”
“Ugh,” Celestia moaned sleepily. “Couldn’t it have waited until tomorrow? I was in the middle of the banana dream and it was just getting to the good part!”
“This is no time for your plantain related dream,” bellowed Luna. “This is important! A giant storm has been forecasted to happen on the same day the magical toxic waste is supposed to be transported! If we let the transportation happen that day, it could have devastating magical consequences.”
“Oh my me!” Celestia said throwing her blanket off. “We have to post-pone the moving of the goop!”
“But sister, we need to get the 'goop' to it's destination on time,” Luna protested. “If it's exposed for too long, it could have devastating magical consequences! We need to move it from the locker to the disposal area in one day!”
“Wow,” sighed Celestia. “A lot of things we do could end up with devastating magical consequences. Very well. I guess we will have to move it tomorrow then! I will contact Twilight and arrange everything. Thank you, sister.”
“You're welcome sister,” Luna sighed with relief. “Goodnight.”
“Goodnight Luna.” Celestia pulled her blanket over herself and got comfortable again. “Oh bananas, take me away to dreamland!”
Back to Ponyville, early the next morning.
Today was a day like the other one. Ponies were waking up from their sleep, fillies were getting ready for school, and Twilight was making a checklist for the day.
“Make checklist,” Twilight looked down at the checklist. “Check. Check off make checklist, check. Next is to wake up Spike.” Twilight put down her quill and walked up to wake Spike up, but he was already awake and moaning. “Oh, Spike! You're awake already but, are you okay?”
“My stomach,” groaned Spike stretching his arms across his tiny green belly. “I think something big is about to come out.”
“Spike!” Said Twilight in disgust. “I know you're not feeling well but that's gross.”
“No, not like that, something els-” Spike was interrupted by one of the biggest belch's ever heard accompanied by a huge green flame. What followed was a letter bigger than the others.
“Wow, this was a big one Spike,” said Twilight picking up the letter. “Let's see what Celestia has to say. Hmm, a few lines about bananas', friendship stuff, more bananas, oh, here we go. 'Twilight, I'm afraid I have some rather important news. We had to move the transportation of the toxic magic waste to today due to the incoming storm. Sorry about that. Your mentor, Celestia.'”
Twilight dropped the scroll in pure terror. “Oh no! Spike, this is terrible!”
“Why?” Asked Spike. “What's wrong with moving it today?”
“Because I can't get the guards for today! I made sure they would be able to do it tomorrow!”
“Well, I'm sure it will be fine without guards, Twilight.” Spike said trying to calm her down.
“That's not the only thing, Spike! Today is also the day when Rainbow is supposed to perform a sonic rainboom!”
“Why is she doing that today?”
“It's part of the parade also going through town today!”
“Well why is there a parade today!”
“Spike, don't you pay attention to the calendar I gave you for your birthday? It's the Ponyville holiday Barrel Pushing Day. Oh this couldn’t have gone more poorly”
Spike looked at Twilight with a surprised look. “Today is Barrel Pushing Day? I need to get my Pushing Gloves ready!” Spike ran to his dresser to try and find his most sacred gloves.
“Spike, don't you even care about what's happening?” Twilight yelled to him.
“Oh, uh,” Spike said not paying attention. “Yea, it's bad. Where are those dang gloves?”
“Fine, you stay here and do whatever it is your doing. I'm going to try and make sure everything goes as planned.”
And like that, Twilight ran out the door faster than you could say devastating magical consequences. It was going to be quite the challenge for Ms. Sparkle to pull this off without anything going wrong, and she knew it. How convenient that all of these things were happening on the same day? It was like Twilight's personal nightmare had come true.
Twilight ran into town to try and at least settle everything down but it was too late. The parade had started and she could see the toxic magic waste carriage coming into town. She ran to greet the carriage driver. Ponies everywhere were cheering loud for the different floats that were going down the street. Most of the floats just consisted of barrels being pushed over, but still, ponies were cheering.
“Is everypony ready!?” Screamed Rainbow Dash who was already flying high in the air. Cheers erupted from the crowd. “I said, IS EVERYPONY READY!?” Even louder cheers erupted from the crowd. “Let's get this party started!” Rainbow Dash started flying straight upwards like she was racing to the clouds.
“Wait, Rainbow!” Screamed Twilight, but it was too late. Rainbow was too high in the clouds. Twilight was about to fly after her when she heard a shout from the crowd.
“Look everypony!” Shouted somepony in the crowd. “Barrels just arrived for us to push over! Let's go!” Half of the crowd started rushing the carriage while the other half anticipated Rainbows rainboom. A thousand thoughts were racing through Twilight's mind.
“Oh dear,” she said.
The League of Incredibly Useless Super Ponies
“Oh dear,” Twilight said watching the oncoming heard. “What do I do, what do I do?” Twilight started pacing back and forth as the heard got closer. “There has to be a spell for this kind of situation. Think Twilight, think!”
The heard was about to reach the carriage full of barrels when she had a brilliant idea. A purple aura appeared around Twilight's horn as she built up magical energy. Right when the heard was a foot away a purple beam shot out of Twilight's horn and engulfed the ponies. Everypony in the heard was now frozen in time.
“I knew that time stopping spell would come in handy one of these days,” she said in a sigh of relief. “But now I need to deal with Rainbow.” Twilight shot up in the air in hopes of reaching Rainbow before her descent . She flew closer to the distant blue dot but it kept getting higher and higher. “Oh it's no use. I'm not fast enough.” Twilight flew back down to the carriage in hopes of at least trying to protect it.
“I don't think it will be safe here,” Twilight said to the driver. “You guys need to move!”
“It's okay Princess,” said the driver in a raspy voice. “We gots everything under control. You can go ahead and unfreeze yur little friends there.”
“Are you sure?” Asked Twilight fearfully. “This is very important.”
“Yes Princess, you can trust us,” he said with a reassuring nod.
“Alright then,” she agreed. “But if any nuclear fallout or something like that happens I'm holding you responsible!” Another purple aura surrounded Twilight's horn as she shot a beam at the crowd of frozen ponies. They resumed their barrel pushing mob like they were never frozen in the first place. Twilight covered her eyes in horror as the head of the mob reached the carriage. What happened next greatly surprised the princess.
The first pony that tried to hit the carriage bounced off of some sort of invisible wall. The second and third ponies did the same thing. Every pony that tried to hit the carriage to push the barrels were stopped by the same wall.
“The A.P.F,” the driver said. “Otherwise known as the Anti Pony Forcefield. It's a shield that makes it so no pony gets in or out. Courtesy of Princess Celestia.”
“Well that's a relief,” said Twilight watching everypony bounce off of nothing. “But how do you two get in and out.”
“Also courtesy of Princess Celestia are these magic necklaces.” The driver and his friend showed Twilight two necklaces with purple gems. “It prevents any magic from affecting us.”
“That's pretty cool, but what about-”
“Geronimo!” Shouted Rainbow as she fell out of the sky with lightning speed.
“The sonic rainboom!” Shouted Twilight. “How will you guys defend against that!”
“Also courtesy of the Princess...” the driver said flipping a switch inside the carriage. “...is this.” From the sides of the carriage came two giant spikes that stuck themselves into the ground. Rainbow came falling out of the skies and right before she hit the ground she shot right back up breaking the sound barrier and making a beautiful rainbow shoot across the sky. The ground shook a bit, a few windows broke, but the carriage remained still.
“Everything is perfectly fine now.” Said the driver as he raised the spikes back into the carriage.
The driver never could have been so wrong. For you see, Twilight, Celestia and the carriage driver never took into account one of the most erratic variables there were. Pinky Pie.
“Okay,” Twilight said cheerfully. “You guys can move on through now.” The carriage started moving, but it was not three feet from where it started when Pinky fell from the sky with her cannon.
“Let's get this party started!” She shouted as she pulled the string.
“Pinky, no!” Yelled Twilight, but it was too late. The cannon was already going off. Right in the direction of the carriage. Like a carriage that is being shot with a cannon, the carriage was shot with a cannon.
“Everypony get down!” Yelled Twilight as she dove behind a nearby table. “It's going to blow!”
The contents of the cannon hit the side of the carriage hard, and the impact caused barrels of magic toxic waste to explode. The goop went everywhere! It went all over the floats, on the buildings and over the roads. It seemed as if the goop had went everywhere over Ponyville.
“Oh dear Celestia,” Twilight screamed. “We need Celestia!” Not having time for Spike's magical burps at the moment, and also the fact that she didn’t even know where he was, Twilight quickly wrote out a letter and sent it to Celestia with a spell she invented when Spike was too sick to send a letter. Not a few moments later did she arrive on her giant golden carriage.
“Well what happened here?” Asked Celestia, frowning at Twilight. Pinky Pie walked over to the princess.
“I partied too hard,” Pinky confessed looking down in shame.
“Oh, not a problem young one,” said Celestia looking down at Pinky. “The barrels had only left the locker an hour ago, it hasn’t been exposed long enough to cause serious damages.” Pinky smiled at the princess and skipped away.
“However,” said the princess getting everyponies attention. “I will need everypony who got a substantial amount of waste on them to come with me. If you only got a little in your mane or on your hoof, just go wash it off, it will be fine. Everypony that got a lot on themselves, come to the entrance of Ponyville.”
As everypony separated and started cleaning themselves up, it was found out that not very many ponies got that much magic toxic waste on them. Only a few of them needed to meet Celestia. As they walked to where Celestia was, a team of ponies with what looked like giant vacuums came into the town and started sucking all the goop up.
“Alright,” said Celestia. “You 6 were exposed to a great amount of waste. Thunderlane, Applejack, Derpy, Bon-Bon, Scootaloo and Spike, I will need you to come with me back to Canterlot.” The five ponies and baby dragon all sighed as they got into Celestia's carriage. They were on their way to Canterlot.