From Failing Hooves

“Twilight! Are you even paying attention?” I heard a familiar voice snap. The words came resonating from the back of my mind like the soft sound of ocean waves lapping at the sandy shores of my mind. At first quite distant but soon clawing forcefully to the front of my thoughts, pushing aside the daydream I had engulfed myself in.

By the time I had processed the mare’s words, it was far too late. I glanced up awkwardly, my cheeks already flushed and hot. My hoof ceased its tapping, which it had apparently been doing this entire time as I stared all bleary-eyed at the wooden table.

As I had anticipated, the entire room was all staring at me expectantly, their expressions varying from some form  of nervous sympathy or simple annoyance. Celestia sat parallel to me, and though I had a clear view of her face I could not determine for the life of me what was running through her head. Disappointment? Slight amusement? All I knew was that her eyes were locked on me, following my every move with an dull frown.

“Well?” The mare said impatiently, “Are you prepared to give your report?”

“My apologies,” I gulped as I hurriedly snatched the paper I had been doodling on, hoping the mare who had been the subject of most of my crude sketches hadn’t noticed, “I was just - wait, what? What report?”

This elicited an exasperated groan from the majority of the table. Cadence, who had been blushing along with me as though she were the one making a blatant idiot of herself, nudged me a little too sharply in the ribs.

“Your Cloudsdale economic efficiency thing? Remember?” she whispered. My eyes widened in realization that I had completely forgotten the report over the course of the month. Gulping audibly, I shakily rose from my seat. I managed to force an awkward smile onto my face.

“Ah yes, that report! I have it memorized.” I lied, my skin going from a brilliant scarlet to a more pasty hue of my usual lavender coat. I made my way to the chalkboard and raised a pale yellow stick of chalk to the board and quickly sketched what could possibly be the worst depiction of Cloudsdale ever. In an attempt to aid the audience in distinguishing my sketch from a limbless sheep with several tumorous mounds on its back, I wrote above it: Cloudsdale, home of the pegasus ponies.

I heard somepony suppress a snicker, which didn’t help my courage anymore.  “So yes, over my month of… intense economic examination, I have concluded that… Cloudsdale is good.”

The mare just to the left of Celestia, the one who had called upon me, now glared at me with a short, creased frown. I examined her intently, my eyes scanning her wrinkled, beige cheeks and stern crystal-blue eyes hidden behind her magenta horn-rimmed spectacles, which were attached to a link of small, plastic pearls that ran behind her head.

She shot me a withering glance before opening her mouth to speak, “Ahem. Is that… all you have to say, Princess Sparkle? Because you seem to have overlooked the blatant economic crisis they are currently undergoing in the eastern regions.” The several business-type ponies perched at the round table turned to one another, muttering and glancing me with ashamed frowns.

“I-I, yes, I feel that…” I stammered, my eyes darting between Cadence and Celestia as though the sheer image of them would awaken some forgotten knowledge from the dark recesses of my mind. “Well, with the current state of the Rainb - I mean, um, Weather Factory… things will quickly… improve?”

“Well, that’s hardly a full report!” the mare scoffed, stamping her crinkled hoof on the table. “I can’t imagine why -”

Celestia cleared her throat, still maintaining a somewhat blank expression. Her brow furrowed ever so slightly in frustration. “Miss Sandstone, that is quite enough.” she ordered quietly. The room fell silent, but the tension seemed to be buzzing in my ears like the drone of an insect’s wings against my ear. “Meeting adjourned, next week we hope to discuss further upon this topic.

Miss Sandstone, as she was called, began to slink away, but was soon halted as Celestia commanded her to remain. She emerged once more from the flood of delegates flooding from the doors. I worriedly lingered by the door, hoping to have a quick word of apology with my mentor, but no such luck.

“Twilight Sparkle,” she said sternly, I froze, knowing it was a rare occasion that she would use my full name in such a frustrated tone, “you may go.”

“But princess!”

“I said go.”

Hurriedly, I gathered my things and levitated them into my saddlebag. II scurried outside, eager to escape the harsh glare of my once proud teacher. You really screwed up this time, Twilight. I continued to scold myself, muttering beneath my breath, as I trotted away. So many questions flowed through my head that it send my thoughts whirling into action.

Did I really screw up so badly?

Before I could stop myself, I found myself turning on my heel and heading back to the now-sealed doors to the royal conference room. My breath was heavy and my head spinning with worry, but I managed to steady myself and press my ear to the heavy oak door. At first I couldn’t hear much above a jumbled whisper, but my ear slits soon tuned into their conversation.

“Princess Celestia, forgive me if this is out of line, but I don’t feel your student was ready for the tasks you bestowed upon her! She is but a foal, and now she wears a crown. If she can’t hand in  a measly report on time, what makes you think she can help rule an entire kingdom?”

At that moment, it seemed as though my heart had dropped into my stomach. A wave of heavy nausea coursed through me, urging me to gallop off to the nearest bathroom and spew the contents of my lunch. I managed to fight the feeling back, but it still remained, threatening to grip me once more.

“Twilight Sparkle has been my faithful student for years now, and not once has she ever been tardy unless something was very wrong. She is probably just overtired, but I assure you that this won’t happen again, Miss Sandstone.” Celestia replied calmly, her sheer voice soothing my jittery nerves more than the reassuring words themselves.

“Well, I should hope not.” the mare retorted, clearly still unimpressed. Realizing the conversation had drawn to an end, I scuttled away from the door just in time to see the beige earth pony trot away.

Heaving a sigh of relief, I made my way steadily up the winding staircase, running my hooves along the sleek opalesque finish of the banister as I ascended. It had been an ultimately tiring day, and I spared no time in unfastening my cloak and leaving it to dangle on the bedpost as I went to work on my teeth.

Things seemed perfectly in order in my room, nice and tidy as I always liked to keep it. I had a certain eye for things being out of place and I could swiftly indicate the troublesome object and straighten it accordingly. A few dusty novels I had pulled from the shelves the other night lay stacked upon each other, ready to be reshelved and alphabetized.

Yes, everything seemed perfectly in order.

Or, at least they would be if a silhouette had not emerged from the corner of my eye, engulfed in an orb of blinding light. Not knowing what else to do, I screamed as loudly as I could. Well, I had tried to at least, but a spell was quickly cast to seal my mouth like the comedic cartoon zipper I always saw in Spike’s morning cartoons. What escaped my lips was more of a muffled yowl.

I was preparing to spread my wings and make my escape from the intruder, but I came to a halt as I realized just who was standing in the middle of my room with a nonchalant grin. With the familiar pinkish tint of my magic dragging the zipper away and freeing my mouth, an involuntary gasp was revealed.

“That… that must be the most accurate, nay, amazing Starswirl costume I have seen in.. well, ever.” I squealed excitedly as I galloped towards the middle-aged stallion, hardly caring about what sinister intentions may lie in wait. With wide, expectant eyes I continued to examine the seamless cape, perfectly embroidered with the stars and moon in the right formation and all. Even the shade of fabric seemed almost absurdly correct.

The circular bells on the hem of his cape were polished to a lustrous shine, and his infamous hat really tied it together well. However, the centerpiece of the impressive cosplay was the beard. It was a well-groomed bundle of wispy grey locks, and I couldn’t even tell where the string was hidden.

“Whoever you are, this is simply amazing! What is your secret? It’s almost as if I’m talking to the real…” my voice trailed off as the words meant to follow caught in my throat. Could it be? Of course not! the stallion fixed me a wizened grin, giving a hearty chuckle.

“Starswirl the Bearded at your service, m’lady,” he greeted, taking a sweeping bow, “And you must be Princess Twilight Sparkle. Am I correct?”

“Yes… I am Twilight. How did you know, mister… Starswirl?” I queried, cocking a single eyebrow in disbelief at the last few words. “Forgive me, sir, but you’ll have to try harder than that. I commend you for your commitment, but the Starswirl I know, or wish I could, died centuries ago and nothing can change that.”

There was a pregnant silence between us. The stallion had slowly made his way closer, revealing his wrinkled face as he stepped further into the glow of the lantern by my bedside.

“Because, miss Sparkle, Celestia has told me quite a bit about you. And I assure you, I am the real thing.” he said kindly, extending a hoof to shake, which I ignored. My brows furrowed, as though squinting at the figure in my bedroom would aid me in discerning his true identity.

“Okaaaaay, well, if you are truly who you claim you are then who was the captain of the Royal Guard at the time?” I queried smugly, knowing this question had stumped some of the most experienced scholars. It had been an unfortunate mishap that the records of such a time and topic were lost in a devastating fire lit by a rogue band of pegasi.

“That’s easy. Sir Silver Shield. The two of us were quite close.”

I had to hold up a hoof to keep my jaw from hanging agape. That was correct.

“You are… you’re really him, aren’t you?” I asked, slightly dazed.

“In the flesh.”

Not knowing how else to greet my hero, I simply bowed.

“What may I do for you, sir?” I asked, desperately trying to contain my elation at having met a stallion I had idolized since my early fillyhood. My smile faded slightly as he frowned, the creases beneath his eyes sagging further.

“I’m afraid I do not know, Twilight Sparkle,” he said sadly as he stared down at his shifting hooves. After a moment of silence, he glanced back up at me and seemed to survey me fully with one brief sweep of his eyes. Those eyes… they seemed at first quite cold and calculating, but they glistened with hope. “It seems, though, that it is something you have, my dear.”

I tilted my head in confusion. “I-I’m afraid I don’t quite follow.” I sighed, sitting myself on the edge of the bed.

“You’re different from the others, I can sense it.” he said with a hollow voice. His words did nothing to resolve, but only further my befuddlement. After several moments of sitting there, shifting awkwardly as he stared at me with those icy eyes of his, he frowned once more. “My apologies, I was just lost in my memories. it seems I have some explaining to do… I can see you are confused.”

“Afraid so.”

“Well, as you very well know I was once a student of Celestia like yourself. I studied and studied -- read all the books I could get my hooves on -- in hopes of furthering my knowledge. As the years dragged on…I began to wonder what my purpose was. Why I wasn’t chosen…”

“To be an alicorn?” I offered.

“Precisely. When I grew old and my bones grew tired, I finally asked why. I was so angry and scared. I was always promised great things as acolt. I didn’t want to die… I decided to ask Celestia why she would leave me behind like this. She told me rather mysteriously that I had not completed my studies…” he sighed, his tired eyes shutting momentarily. He buried his face in his hooves.

“Are you… alright?” I asked, leaning forward to the stallion. Eventually he nodded, though it was a slow and reluctant nod at best.

“Of course, this only drove me into a frenzy. For years, I toiled away even further at my studies. As a result, I withdrew from the world. And yet, after decades of work, she would still return to me each year and say I had not completed my studies. Maddened… I died alone. They found me in my study, still pouring over a book, even on my last day.”

“I’m sorry to hear that,” I said sympathetically. “But I don’t see what this has to do with me helping you. I haven’t completed my studies, far from it!”

He shook his head and calmly pointed to my wing, which were neatly groomed and tucked at my side. I had slowly gotten the hang of them, however awkward they were to sleep on.

“Your wings. She gave you eternal life as reward for your diligence. A prize I was… robbed of due to my ignorance. Anyways, you can imagine my surprise when I awoke once more, several years later. I appeared before a young mare , much like yourself. I never knew why, but something told me I had been brought back for a reason.

Celestia had given me another chance. Another chance to learn what I never found out… that secret ingredient I never found. Century after century past, and I would return each few years to speak with my teacher’s newest protegee… but I never found out what I lacked.”

“So, there is some mystic knowledge you think I have? I’m afraid I don’t know, I…”

“But you are different, Twilight Sparkle. Each year her students grew closer and closer to the goal I was unable to achieve. And you have found it… that magic that I did not know.” Before I had time to withdraw from him, he had lunged forward, gripping my shoulders with a wild-eyed look. “You must tell me!”

“I-I… I’m sorry! I don’t know if I can help you…” I stammered, jerking my shoulder free. He slumped back into his spot, his entire body sagging like a balloon letting off air.

“My humblest apologies, Miss Sparkle. I’m just so tired… tired of  returning each year, only to relive my mistakes and be cast away, denied the admiration of my teacher… the one mare I ever strived to impress.” I made almost whirring sound as though I were machine slowly humming to life and massaged my temples in thought. It was common knowledge that Starswirl had been an exemplary student. To him, a vast expanse of knowledge ranging from historical figures to advanced levitation would be considered merely scratching the surface of his genius. A burst of thought made me gasp aloud, and my face lit up like a lightbulb.

“Hold on… you said earlier that you were rather… withdrawn from the world?” I chimed, certain I was on the right path. He glanced up from his hooves with a disgruntled expression lying on his furrowed brow.

“Well, yes.” he said rather reproachfully.

“So, did you have many friends?”

“Well, let’s see… I was very close with Silver Shield and of course, celestia… but, well, no. I find acquaintanceship quite frivolous. Especially since I had no time to waste with my studies! If I had wasted my time making friends, I would not be where I am today.”

“Exactly, because you would’ve completed your studies.” I said with a curt nod. Starswirl burst out laughing, his eyes twinkling with amusement. His entire body quaked as his chuckles receded. When he realized my expression was still stoic, he cocked an eyebrow.

“You must be joking, princess! There is no way that silly friendship could be the key. So truly, how did you complete your studies. Was it the report on dark magic, because I struggled with that a tad even to my last day.”

“I’m afraid I’m far from joking, Starswirl. I was once very much like you. My head was always stuck in a book. Instead of visiting with the mares at my academy, I chose to spend my Saturdays studying. That was until a few years ago, when Celestia sent me to ponyville with an odd mission…”

“What is this mission you speak of then?” he asked, leaning in with a look of deep interest.

“To make friends.” I said quietly. At first Starswirl merely gazed at me with glassy eyes, but soon it registered to him that i was indeed being serious. He simply shook his head in disbelief.

“You mean to say… all this time?” I could only nod sadly as I watched the stallion collapse, burying his face in his hooves to keep me from seeing his teary eyes. “I’ll never be freed of this curse then,” he muttered, wiping at his damp cheeks, “I'll be alone in death as I was in life.”

“You don’t have to be,” I said softly and calmly made my way to his side, “as Princess Twilight Sparkle, I officially deem us friends.” Not knowing how to contain myself, I simply flung my arms around my idol, hugging him tightly. At first he seemed startled by my actions, but he soon brought an arm up over my shoulder and leaned in.

“Th-thank you, Twilight Sparkle,” he said quietly after some time. There was an unimaginable sadness in his voice, though I couldn’t think why. It seemed as though he were saying goodbye. I winced and drew back slightly as a flash of blinding blue-white light filled with room before concentrating into the same orb Starswirl had appeared in. It slowly enveloped the stallion and lifted him from where he stood until, he was floating some distance of the ground.

“Starswirl! what’s happening?” I cried over the loud droning filling the room. He smiled down at me as a lone tear slipped lethargically down his wrinkled cheek.

“It seems to have worked… I’m finally going to rest,” he explained with a hint of thankfulness in his voice, “But the truth is, Twilight Sparkle, you are my first true friend. You helped my find the only solution to a question I’ve been struggling to answer for centuries now, and really…” he trailed off, his words caught in his throat.

“I don’t want to go.” he said with a wistful smile.

I was forced to shield my eyes as the light grew ever brighter, reaching its peak. I watched in awe as the orb began to close in around him, finally swallowing the unicorn. A flash erupted from where he dangled in the air, knocking me back. As I closed my eyes, blinking to clear the blurriness that had set on, I realized that Starswirl was no longer there.

“I’ll miss you too.”