The Conversion Bureau - Lab Rat

Lab Rat Guest Chapter:

By: WastelandGunner

NetherPortal is so going to kill me.

And FireWind (Zach) too

Guest Chapter: Contact

“Damn! Why did it have to be cherries?!?”  I violently screamed inside my mind as I remembered what had happened the past two days. Zachary showing up, hitting me with that cherry dart, escaping the HLF HQ, freeing the other ponies, converting, ending up a mare. “Why me?!? Why did it have to be me that the PER was targeting?!?” Then it hit me. “Oh yeah. I tortured ponies for a living. How did I forget that?” Zach, Cloudhammer, Nat, and I were going back to Cloud’s house after a long day. A long day that involved getting hit on by strangers. Everypony was very tired. Especially me. I, for one, woke up a mare, ate food for the first time as a pony, was hit on by stallions I didn’t even know, and worst of all... did I mention this yet... I’M A FREAKING MARE! One of my best friends did this to me too! We were even best buds in high school! “Confound these female hormones! They drive me to girliness!” You have to love old memes.

“How much longer???” I decided that Zach’s punishment shall be my whining. “I’m tired! My hooves hurt! NAG NAG NAG!” I thought that I should put on my best shrill and girly voice to annoy the feces out of their rectums.

“WILL YOU SHUT UP!?!?” Nat screamed at me.

“Fine, jeez.” "That was a little harsh." I thought.

It wasn’t very long before they all decided to tune me out. I don’t blame ‘em. I probably would have too. “IF I WAS A STALLION!” Nothing could describe how angry and scared I was. Soon enough, we arrived at Cloud’s humble abode. It wasn’t the best house in the world, but hey. At least it wasn’t falling apart, because that’d be terrifying knowing that the house you’re sleeping in could come crumbling down at any moment. It would have been a better night, if Zach hadn’t made a move on me.

“You know.. You are a mare for now.. We could.. you know.. experiment.” I brain exploded as he said that.

“WHAT THE BUCK ARE YOU SAYING!?!?”

“Jeez, calm down. I was just saying that we could.. I don’t know.. You are pretty sexy.” I collapsed right there in the living room. “Woah! Are you okay Ms. Duquette?”

“GET THE BUCK AWAY FROM ME!” I shouted in his face as he started to make a move on me. “And don't you dare call me Ms. Duquette!” His face came closer to mine. My heart was beating faster than a cheetah chasing after a ferrari with a trunk full of raw chicken.

He leaned in closer. “Do you need help up?” I sighed.

“Thank Celestia. I thought he was going to try to ki--” We met muzzle to muzzle. This was pretty weird considering he was my best friend, and the fact that he was a stallion, and I used to be a man. Maybe in society’s eye, if they didn’t know I used to be a man, it wouldn’t be as weird, BUT THIS WAS PRETTY BUCKING AWKWARD. It felt leathery, and flat. Pretty damn gross. Finally, he pulled away after what seemed like minutes, although, it was probably seconds. “DAFUQ IS WRONG WITH YOU!?!?” Zach’s eyes started to swell up with tears.

“I’M SO SORRY!” He galloped out of the room, and broke down the front door. However, that didn’t stop him. The persistent stallion kept on galloping, somehow managing to sob at the same time.

I didn’t know what to do. “Should I gallop after him? Should I tell the others?” At least my second question was answered. Cloudhammer, and Nathaniel came running/galloping into the room.

“What happened in here?!?” The two simultaneously yelled. They both saw the door ripped from its hinges.

“Anthony! What happened?!?!” Well, this was not going to go well if I didn’t tell them what happened, so I told them everything. Not that I wanted to, but how else was I going to explain the absence of Zach, and the broken door? “What do you mean he kissed you?”

“Hmm.. How do I explain this? HE PLANTED HIS MUZZLE UPON MINE AND KISSED ME!!!”

“Which direction did he run?” Nat asked me in a hurried tone.

“Um.. I think he ran to the right when he busted the door.” They started to run out the now empty front door. “HEY!! WAIT FOR ME!”

“NO! YOU STAY THERE! YOU HAVE ALREADY CAUSED ENOUGH TROUBLE!” I started to sob. I had caused all of this, and now Zach probably hated me. I’ll admit he wasn’t the worst looking stallion. In fact, he looked pretty handso--

“DAMN IT MIND! GET OUT OF THE GUTTER! YOU ARE A MALE! YOU DO NOT GO AFTER OTHER MALES!” That only caused me to cry harder. I hope that the others would find him. Soon enough, I cried myself to sleep. Only time would tell me what had happened that night. I just hoped that he would come home safely, and he wouldn't somehow get himself killed.

I snapped out of my daydream. “Dafuq did I just dream?!?”