Lost Little Snake

by The card holder

Rating: teen
Tags: Crossover, Gore, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Dark, Human, Main 6
Length: 13456

Naked Snake escapes from captivity in Groznyj Grad, only to find out that he's not quite in Russia anymore.

To the highly skilled operative code-named Naked Snake, today was not that good of a day. On top of being sent to kill his former mentor in order to prevent the Cold War from going nuclear, he had gotten captured, and lost his eye. While he did manage to escape, there was still much he had to do in order to complete his mission.
Still, even being tortured by someone with inexplicable lightning powers was somewhat preferable to finding himself outside of not only the mission area, but his world as he knew it...

Published 2014-01-08 04:20:02 UTC
Last updated 2015-03-29 01:08:38 UTC

The Arrival

Snake pushed onward through the knee-high water, ignoring the images of dead soldiers that he passed. He knew he was the cause of their death, but he didn't quite know why he was being shown this. Hell, he didn't even know if any of this was real.

Up ahead, the ghostly figure of the dead Cobra unit member known as The Sorrow floated about, presenting to Snake who he had killed while on his mission. Snake ignored him, too. He had just managed to escape from the Russian research base/stronghold known as Groznyj Grad after being captured, and he definitely wasn't going to be caught again, lest he lose the other eye. That Volgin was a pure psychopath, pure and simple.

Despite his capture, one could argue that it wasn't really Snake's fault. How was he supposed to know that not only were Raikov and Volgin lovers, but that the latter often got very touchy-feely with the former?

As he was thinking about this, he noticed something farther up the river. It was yet another ghostly image, this one showing a crumpled skeleton wearing a soldier's outfit. Come to think of it, that skeleton looked somewhat familiar...

Before Snake could connect the dots, he felt the life drain out of him suddenly, and he fell over into the water, quickly being swept away by the current.

His hearing was the first thing to recover. Around him, Snake could hear the muffled sounds of rushing water.

Next was his sense of touch. All he could feel was water all around him.

After that, everything else came rushing back, including the fact that he was underwater.

Springing to life, he began swimming to the surface as fast as he could, his lungs burning for air. It wasn't long before he broke the surface and started gulping down much needed oxygen. Shortly after, he made his way to the riverbank, where he pulled himself up and simply laid there for a while, catching his breath. After making sure he didn't have anymore injuries, he got up into a kneeling position and keyed in his chest-mounted radio. "Major, are you there?" he asked.

Nothing but static in response. Grumbling, he turned to another frequency. "Para-Medic?"

Again, static. Frustrated, Snake tried every frequency he could, every time getting no response. Cursing, he got to his feet, looking around.

It was then that he noticed the fact that the trees looked... different. They looked less like the Russian jungle he was in, and more like an American forest. While this was unnerving, Snake forced himself to overlook it. Wherever he was, he couldn't use his radio, which meant that he was basically flying blind.

His stomach rumbled, reminding him of his hunger. First thing's first; he needed some food.

Readying the fork he had taken to using as a makeshift weapon during his prison break, Snake got into a lowered stance, searching nearby for anything that looked edible. However, instead of food, his remaining eye found something square-shaped sticking out of the bushes. Curious, he crept toward it, before recognizing it as his equipment backpack.

Confused, he whirled around with the revolver his former mentor, The Boss, "gifted" to him while he was captured. Seeing no hostiles, or any evidence this was a trap, he went ahead and grabbed the backpack. Satisfied that no strings were pulled, he opened it up to find that all his old gear was inside, plus an eye patch.

After outfitting and reequipping himself, Snake took another look around the area. EVA said that she would give back his stuff in a cave behind a waterfall, farther up the river. So why did he find his stuff just sitting out in the open? Did something happen to her? She couldn't be reached on his radio, but then again neither could anyone else. Just where exactly was he?

After forcing himself to eat a couple of Russian rations, Snake got back to his feet, adopting his usual CQC stance, using both a knife and the M1911 pistol that EVA gave him.

"Time to do some reconnaissance," he said to himself, before walking deeper into the forest.

Three days.

It had been about three days since Snake pulled himself out of that river, and he still hadn't found any clues as to where he was. Not once had he run into any notable landmarks, nor any other humans. The only living things he had encountered were the animals.

And a lot of the animals he did see were completely unusual, bordering on nonsensical. A lion with bat wings and a scorpion tail, a snake with the head of a chicken, wolves made out of wood... Para-Medic would have a field day with this.

As odd as they were, they were still plenty edible (save for the wolves, who instead made good firewood). Snake also made sure not to waste his bullets unless he was forced to, since his supplies were limited. There was also the fact that if he didn't find out just where the hell he was, the Cold War could potentially erupt into a burning hot one. Although something told him that this wasn't quite the world he called home...

As he was finishing off a snake he had roasted over a campfire, he noticed suddenly that he saw something awfully colorful fly overhead. Thinking that it could potentially be an enemy of some sort (or failing that, a potential break from snake meat), he quickly put out the fire and dove into the bushes, taking the roasting food with him. Snake watched as the thing came back, noticeably slower this time, as well as lower.

Of all the things that he was expecting, a winged, blue horse with rainbow-colored hair was not anywhere close to the top of Snake's list. As he watched in shock, the horse looked at where the campfire used to be with confusion, before apparently shrugging and flying back into the sky. Snake watched it leave as long as he could, his single eye almost falling out from how wide it was.

He certainly wasn't in Russia anymore.

Rainbow Dash touched down next to her friend. "Well? Did you find him?" Fluttershy asked worriedly, only getting Dash's shaking head in answer.

"I doubt I could find a single snake just flying above the forest, anyway," she said.

"Oh, then maybe we should walk through there," Fluttershy offered, looking at a nearby snake that looked sad, despite the fact that their faces hardly ever change. "Poor Stanley was supposed to see his brother yesterday, and he'd be devastated if we didn't try to find him."

Dash sighed. "Fine, we can go find that snake, I guess."

Fluttershy let out a small squeak as she smiled, leading her grumbling friend into the woods. Behind them, Stanley waved his tail at them, his face not looking any different from the way it did before.

Cautiously, Snake crawled through the grass in the direction he saw the horse thing go. While he was shocked beyond belief to see such a thing, he knew that it'd be better off if he followed it. He might be able to finally figure out just where he was, now.

Up ahead, he began to hear voices, so he stopped dead in his tracks.

"Are you sure he's around here? He could be anywhere!" a slightly raspy female voice said, in English, no less.

"Oh, but what if he's hurt?" another voice answered the first, also female, and a lot softer. "Or lost? Or even-"

"I'm pretty sure he could take care of himself, Flutters."

Snake stiffened slightly. Were they talking about him?

A bush not too far ahead began to rustle, and the blue horse he saw earlier emerged, hovering slightly above the ground. Right behind it was another winged horse, this one yellow with pink hair.

Snake's eye widened again. There's no way these two were the ones talking, right?

"Look, Fluttershy, you're my friend and all, but we can't keep running into the forest every time one of your animals is 'lost'," the blue horse said, proving itself to be the owner of the raspy voice.

The yellow one, Fluttershy, if he understood correctly, shook her head. "Oh, I know he's around there somewhere. Stanley will be so sad if we can't find his brother."

Well, at least they weren't talking about him. Still, this seemed like his best bet for info, although he didn't want to hurt them, lest that come to bite him in the ass later. With this in mind, he replaced his M1911 with his suppressed MK12 "Hushpuppy" tranquilizer pistol. Once both horses were facing away from him, he very slowly rose to a kneel, adopting his stance. He crept forward at an agonizing pace, doing his best to remain silent, which seemed to be working, as both of the horses were oblivious to his presence.

"Look, maybe we should go back for now," the blue one said, beginning to turn around. Seeing that he was about to be discovered, Snake abandoned the quiet approach and ran forward the two steps needed to clear the distance between them, before grabbing the blue horse in a CQC hold, slightly modified to deal with an equine form. The yellow one whirled around to investigate the noise, only to be answered by a dart flying into her forehead, causing her to pass out a second later.

In his grip, the blue horse struggled, but made no progress towards freedom, or even seeing who had a hold on her. "Hey! What's the big idea?! What did you do to-"

"Quiet!" Snake moved his knife closer to her throat, causing her to stop struggling, while at the same time quickly rechambering his pistol. "You're gonna tell me just where exactly I am, understood?"

The horse nodded in agreement. Snake moved the knife away slightly, before pointing it straight at her throat. "Talk."

"Y- You're in the Everfree Forest," she said, defiance still present in her voice, along with a bit of fear. "It's right next to Ponyville."

"Ponyville..." Snake loosened his grip slightly in thought, before resuming the interrogation. "And just where is that? What country are we in?"

The horse grunted at the reapplied pressure. "E- Equestria!"

Snake grunted in response. "Looks like I'm farther from home than I thought..." Turning back to his captive, he suddenly shoved her forward, surprising her. Before she could turn around and face him, a dart hit her in the side of the head, making her suddenly feel woozy, followed by unconsciousness.

Once her body hit the ground, Snake assessed the situation. From the looks of things, he wasn't even on Earth anymore, judging by the fact that here, the most intelligent creatures were horses. Winged horses, as a matter of fact. He looked at both of them, darts sticking out of their sleeping forms, and had a small thought. "Wonder how they taste..." he whispered to himself.

Just as quickly as the thought came, he shook it off. A good rule of thumb was to not eat anything you could hold a conversation with. Plus, it would more than likely sour any first contact to be had.

Snake looked around. Despite this, he couldn't just leave them alone out here, where who knows what could prey on them. With this in mind, he hefted the yellow one over his shoulder, while using his other arm to carry the blue one.

After a few minutes of walking, he finally came to the edge of the forest he was trapped in for three days. Not only had he found a way out, but there was a town not too far in the distance, which meant civilization.

However, Snake felt it would be better to avoid contact, for now. Making sure no one was looking, he set both of the horses down on the grass, before returning to the forest. He looked back, wondering just how he was going to get out of this problem...

Well, for now, it would be best to simply stay hidden. After all, that's what snakes are known for, right?

Author's Note

Ever have one of those ideas that just won't go away until you make something of it?
Yeah, this is one of those things.
I'm sorry

Tactical Q&A Action

Author's Note

If you didn't read the slightly revised ending for the last chapter, I recommend doing so now, or this chapter won't make much sense.

Tactical Q&A Action

Sure enough, as Snake said, Applejack woke back up a couple minutes later, tired but unharmed. The situation was quickly explained to her, and she shot Snake a venomous look.

Despite this, the two parties were able to discuss things peacefully. Snake withheld many facts about his story, since his mission was heavily classified, even if he was in another world now. This didn't seem to deter Twilight, though, as despite her caution, curiosity was evident in her eyes.

Speaking of eyes, Pinkie soon piped up. "Snakey, why do you wear an eye patch?"

Cringing slightly at the name, Snake answered carefully. "I... lost it."

"Doing what? Are you like a pirate or something?" Dash asked.

"No, I lost it on a... mission." It wasn't untrue, in any case.

"A mission? What, are ya some kind of spy?" Applejack questioned.

Snake thought about how to answer without giving away any details. "...you could say that."

Suddenly, Pinkie gasped. "Ooh, are you a secret agent?! Do you drive a cool car, stop bad guys, and all of those other spy things?!"

The outburst made the human pause. "No, I don't really do any of that."

"Aww..."

Despite her friend's disappointment, Twilight was actually rather excited to have the chance to speak with a member of a whole new species. As such, her mind was buzzing with many possible questions, and she had a quill and parchment already prepared for heavy duty writing.

To his credit, Snake held his composure fairly well despite essentially being on the receiving end of the friendliest interrogation ever. At the ponies' request, he had removed his face paint, though his uniform still blended in with the castle walls around them. His pistols and knives sat snugly in their holsters, ready to use at a moment's notice, though he was starting to think that he wouldn't need them.

Soon, Twilight finally settled on a question that she was surprised she hadn't asked already. "So, how did you end up in Equestria?"

"Your guess is as good as mine. One moment, I'm in my world, the next, I'm here."

"Hmm..." She wrote a few lines down on the scroll, before looking back at Snake. "What did you say your species was, again?"

"Human."

"And how long were you in the Everfree Forest since arriving here?"

"About four days, I think."

Twilight paused in her writing. "Wait, that long? But there's no way that a pony can go that long without food, since the plants are either poisonous or inedible..."

"Well, I'm not exactly a pony, am I?"

"Still, four days is a bit long to go without food, unless..." Suddenly, Twilight gave a worried look to Snake, which Fluttershy quickly caught the meaning of. The others, however, were clueless.

"Uh... Twi?" Applejack said. "What's wrong?"

"She's connecting the dots," Snake answered for her.

"Wait, connectin' what dots...?"

It was Fluttershy who spoke up next. "He's... He... eats..."

"You eat... meat..." Twilight finished.

Silence overtook the room as her words sank in. Soon, six pairs of eyes all fell on the human, who wore a slightly uneasy expression.

This was part of what Snake was worried about. Given their reactions, it was to be assumed that they were herbivores, which could potentially end badly for him.

When he didn't speak for a few seconds, Rarity did. "Is it true? Do you eat...?"

Snake hesitated, then decided to not hide it. "Yeah, it's true." Almost immediately, he could see the ponies' reactions, ranging from disgust, to anger, to fear.

Before any of them could say or do anything, he cut them off. "And I know what you're thinking, but just know that I try to avoid anything that can talk back to me."

This didn't get rid of their fear, though it did seem to put a stop to any rash statements or actions they were about to make.

Twilight was the first to recover, and she started writing things down on the parchment again. "I- If you don't mind me asking, Snake, what exactly... do you eat?"

"First of all, humans are omnivorous, so we can eat both meat and plants." This quelled a bit of their fear, so Snake continued. "We primarily eat meat in order to get the protein we require. As for what I eat, while in the wild I take whatever I can find, though I am partial to snakes."

Twilight continued to write things down, while the others studied the human carefully. Despite the serious mood, Pinkie let loose a small half-hearted laugh.

"What's so funny, Pinkie?" Dash asked.

"He said... he likes snakes... and his name is..." Pinkie's chuckles died down into awkward silence, though she still had a small, albeit nervous, smile.

"So," Twilight continued, "what were you doing before you arrived here?"

Snake paused. "Why is that important?"

"Well, if I know what you were doing before you came here, I could possibly figure out how you got here, and help send you back home."

"I... can't say."

Twilight paused her writing. "Why not?"

Snake tried to think up an excuse, but couldn't come up with anything good. "...I forgot."

Twilight gave him a suspicious look, but said nothing further on the matter.

"Here's a question I have," Dash chimed in. "Just how did you do all that fancy... judo or whatever?"

"That was CQC: close-quarters combat. It was a fighting technique I learned from..." Snake paused. "...my mentor."

The pause didn't go unnoticed by the ponies, but they said nothing. It sounded like it was a bit of a touchy subject for him.

Twilight wrote down a couple more lines on her parchment, then went to ask another question, only to find that she couldn't think of any more at the moment.

"Are you done questioning me?" Snake asked, half seriously.

"I guess so, for now," Twilight replied. Suddenly, something else occurred to her. "Wait, we need to talk about where you'll be staying."

"Couldn't I just stay in the forest?"

"Well... yes, but it's quite dangerous. The fact that you lasted there for as long as you did could potentially be attributed to luck."

"Luck could buy you a day at most. Anything past that, and there has to be some skill involved."

Snake's words made Twilight pause, since she couldn't find any fault with them.

"Regardless, wouldn't you rather live in civilization?" Rarity asked.

Snake thought this over. While he was certain that he was capable of holding his own in the wilderness, they did bring up a compelling point; he wouldn't be able to keep it up forever. Plus, the closer he is to them, the more likely he can be returned home sooner. He would have to make sure and keep up the act of his "amnesia", though, in order to keep his mission a secret. Alien world or no, it was still classified. He didn't get any orders regarding alien worlds, but he was sure the same rules would apply.

"Alright, I guess I could live in town."

Twilight let loose a small smile, mostly at the prospect of studying a creature completely unknown to science for the next few days, or however long he would be here. "Okay, then follow me."

She rolled up her parchment and put in a saddle bag, before walking over to the door. The other ponies were right behind her, followed by Snake. He still made sure he could equip his knife and gun at a moments notice, but otherwise was somewhat relaxed.

Up ahead, he overheard a couple of the ponies talking, probably thinking he couldn't hear them. "Looks like ya found someone who can beat you in a fight, Dash."

"That doesn't count! He was using that... EQD or whatever he called it."

"Seems no different from you using your karate."

"Hey, that's different!"

"How so?"

"Well, it's... uh..." Dash went quiet, and both Applejack and Snake wore smug grins. In particular, Dash reminded Snake of Ocelot, somewhat...

The group exited the castle, and walked out into the grass.

"Okay, Ponyville is northwest of here, so let's go," Twilight directed. Snake already knew this, but didn't say so.

"Lead the way."

Moving In

As Snake followed the ponies towards their destination, he was informed about several factors of normal pony life, including how pegasi can control weather and that the sun and moon were controlled by a pair of princess sisters. At this point, he found that it was easier to just accept things as they were, because questioning them would only bring headaches.

Still, Snake had a couple of questions of his own to ask. "So, what's keeping everyone from panicking when I show up?"

Twilight's ears drooped slightly. "Well, if they saw you, they'd probably freak out no matter what, so it's probably for the best that you remain hidden for now."

He couldn't find an issue with that plan. "So, where will I be staying, then?"

"Well," Applejack spoke up, "you could stay at mah farm, maybe, or you could stay at Fluttershy's place. Both are kinda far outta town."

"Uh, not to sound rude, or anything," Fluttershy broke in, "b- but I personally don't think he should stay at my house..."

"Why not, Fluttershy?"

"W- Well, I have so many animals in my house, and..."

As she trailed off, Snake frowned at the implication. "I'm not just some mindless beast, you know."

"Oh, goodness, of course not!" Fluttershy said a bit louder, mortified at apparently insulting someone. "It's just that- that..."

"Don't worry, I'm not angry. Though, you do have a point. Maybe the farm would be the better choice."

Applejack's wince was just barely noticed by the human. "Well, in that case, Ah suppose Ah could find ya some room in the barn... Though Ah'd probably have to explain you to mah family."

Snake nodded in understanding, but said nothing.

Meanwhile, at the front of the group, Twilight and Rainbow Dash quietly discussed the nature of the human.

"I mean, look at him!" Dash said. "He even looks like nothing but trouble!"

Twilight sighed. "I still think we should give him the benefit of the doubt."

"He held me at knife point. Twice! And he pointed that... thing of his at you!"

Twilight flinched slightly. "Well, he was probably just scared and confused. Wouldn't you be, if you were brought into another world against your will?"

Dash didn't have a comeback for this, and soon the group reached the edge of the forest. The town of Ponyville was visible from here, and it looked like they were where Snake dropped off Dash and Fluttershy after knocking them out.

"We should probably stick close to the forest," Twilight told the others. "No need to raise a panic if we don't have to."

"Fine by me," Snake replied, and with that they started moving again, the human being slightly farther into the forest than the ponies.

Soon, a small cottage on the edge of the forest was spotted, which Fluttershy confirmed to be her house. According to her, Sweet Apple Acres was a bit farther past it.

Suddenly, Pinkie held up a hoof, signaling the others to stop. Before the others could ask what was wrong, she quickly said, "Crusaders, ten o'clock."

The others immediately understood, and Twilight turned around to face Snake. "Alright, do you think you could-"

But he was already gone, the only sign of his existence being a rustling patch of deep grass nearby.

"Heya, sis!"

The princess turned away to see the three members of the CMC hugging their respective older sisters (or sister figure, in the case of Scootaloo and Dash).

"Heya, Applebloom!" Applejack returned the hug, looking at the other two fillies. "How are ya?"

"Ah'm fine, sis." The filly broke away from the hug. "Me an' mah friends were just wondering if you could help us with somethin'."

Applejack's warm smile gave way to a soft, suspicious glare at the three fillies, as Sweetie Bell and Scootaloo stood beside Applebloom, all of them smiling innocently. "Help yah with what?"

The others had mildly suspicious looks, themselves, especially Rarity.

Now under slight pressure, the fillies looked around nervously. "Well, we were hoping you'd help us get our 'forest exploring' cutie marks," Scootaloo said.

"Didn't you already try to do that?" Twilight asked.

Sweetie smiled sheepishly. "Well, maybe this time we'll actually get them?"

Applejack just shook her head, both amused and exasperated. "How 'bout you girls go and play in th' park? It's a nice day, after all."

Rarity and Dash voiced their agreement, and slightly downtrodden, the three fillies started heading back towards town.

"Wait, they went into the forest before?" Rarity suddenly asked, clueless.

"Cute kids. You might want to keep a better eye on them."

All six of the gathered ponies jumped at the sudden reappearance of Snake.

"What the- Where were you?!" Twilight shouted.

"You were going to tell me to hide. So I did."

When she realized he was right, Twilight sighed. "Well, in any case, we should get moving again."

"It shouldn't be much farther," Rarity said. "I believe I can see the orchard now."

Sure enough, apple trees were beginning to appear in the distance. Now with their destination in sight, the group started moving slightly faster, less careful of any prying eyes. Snake still kept close to the forest, though, in case he needed to disappear again.

It wasn't long before they were surrounded by apple trees, and Ponyville was no longer in sight. Now with no need to be sneaky, Snake relaxed slightly, though he was still a bit wary.

"Alright, th' barn's just up ahead," Applejack said. "Ah hope ya don't mind, Snake, but that's where you'll be stayin', for now."

The human let out a short laugh. "Beats camping in the forest, that's for sure."

They reached the edge of the orchard, where Applejack and Dash made sure the barn door was open and no one was watching, then signaled to the others, who quickly filed inside as the doors shut behind them.

The inside of the barn was fairly basic. Tools were located on a work bench along one wall, and there was quite a bit of hay scattered around the floor. A few openings near the roof let in enough light to see, and there was even a loft where Snake could sleep, unseen.

"Not bad," the human complimented, looking around his new (probably temporary) home.

"Well, before ya get settled an' all," Applejack began, her face getting serious, "mind tellin' me why you lied back at the castle?"

Snake froze, his hands subconsciously hovering near his pistol and knife. "What do you mean?"

"Yeah, what exactly do you mean, Applejack?" Twilight asked, her confusion mirroring the others.

"You know I can spot lies from a mile away, Twi'," the orange mare continued. "And him 'forgetting' what happened reeked of bein' an outright fabrication."

All eyes were now on the human, who was subtly looking for a quick way out. Not seeing an escape route that wouldn't fail, he sighed. "Alright, you caught me."

There were small gasps from the other ponies. Twilight was less surprised than the others, but she hid it well. "Why?"

Her simple question got the attention of the human, who turned to face her. "Why would you lie?"

Snake figured it would be best to be blunt, now. "Because that's classified information."

There was a deep gasp at the back of the group, and everyone turned to see Pinkie, her eyes wide. "So you ARE a spy!"

"Of a sort."

Twilight's mind was buzzing with even more questions now. Why would what he was doing be classified? And what was his mission, anyway?

Did it possibly have something to do with Equestria?

"What about the part about being here by accident?" Twilight asked. "Was that a lie, too?"

"No, that part was true."

The princess looked at Applejack, who nodded in confirmation.

"Then why hide what you were doing?" Dash argued. "It's not like they're gonna find out you talked!"

Snake was about to retort, but he realized that she was right. Given the situation he was in, it's likely that the only way he'd have a chance at getting home was to cooperate, and tell them the truth.

Sighing in resignation, Snake looked up, his eye fixating on Twilight. "Okay, what do you want to know?"

"For starters, what exactly was the nature of your mission?"

Snake thought for a bit, then came up with an answer. "I was sent to both potentially rescue a defecting scientist, to destroy a potential superweapon, and to... kill a defector."

Somewhat amusingly, Twilight was already writing things down on a spare piece of parchment. "Where were you sent? Was it a country that your own country was at war with?"

"...yes and no."

The answer made Twilight pause, but she moved on for the moment. However, before she could ask her next question, Dash spoke up from the back.

"What exactly happened to your eye?"

She glared at the pegasus to tell her to not be so insensitive, but Snake just chuckled. "I was wondering when you'd ask about that." He tapped his eye patch. "I lost it after I was captured by the enemy, during a torture session."

This caused the inside of the barn to be filled with complete silence. "A torture session? How brutish," Rarity commented.

"Yes, well..." Twilight scanned the parchment for something before looking back up at Snake. "When I asked if it was a country you were at war with, you said 'yes and no'. What exactly did you mean?"

Snake scratched his chin. "My home country, the United States, and this 'enemy' country, Russia, aren't technically at war, though they are opposed to one another. Hence the use of espionage agents like myself."

"What brought those two countries to be like that?"

Snake paused for a second, then shook his head. "To answer that, I'll have to give you a bit of a history lesson, since everything pretty much led into this."

He took out a cigar and lit it, confirming the smell that the ponies detected back at the castle. Despite most of their mild to strong disapproval, he continued to smoke it. "You see, it first started about fifty years ago, when a high-ranking member of another country's government was assassinated..."

Over the course of the next couple of hours, Snake retold the history of his world, starting from the beginning of World War I, to the outbreak of World War II, to the start of the Cold War. He would stop to answer any questions that popped up (except for Pinkie's questions, which usually amounted to things like "Do they have cupcakes in Hungary?").

He never would've thought of it, but apparently he was a pretty decent storyteller. Either that, or the history of his world was interesting enough to make up for any lack of skill he had telling it. The ponies all paid rapt attention to what he said. Even Dash, who only mocked some of the countries' names when he started, was paying close attention by the end.

The whole time, Twilight was feverishly writing down on her parchment. More than once, Snake had to pause for a second while she retrieved another roll of parchment. By the time he had caught up to the present, she had written nearly three and a half scrolls worth of information.

While Snake wouldn't give any specific details regarding his mission, he did tell them that he was probably the only one who could stop the war from going nuclear. While none of them knew exactly what that meant, they all seemed to grasp that it would be very bad for all involved.

At Twilight's request, Snake also briefly explained his weapons, namely both of his handguns. He felt that most of the terms he used flew right over their heads, but they were still satisfied with his explanation.

As Twilight finished up her writing, she glanced outside, where the afternoon sun was starting to edge its way towards a sunset. "Well, I think that's enough for now. I have to send this report to the other princesses!"

"And them apples won't buck themselves," Applejack added, following the princess out of the barn. "Make yourself comfy, Snake."

Soon after, the others took their leave, as well, leaving the human alone inside the empty barn. After bringing himself to the loft, out of immediate sight, he performed a quick check of his inventory, finding everything in order. With nothing else to do, he killed some time by twirling his revolver around on his finger. At the same time, he couldn't help but wonder just how exactly Ocelot could handle not just two, but three revolvers at a time. He may be young, but he certainly was skilled.

Thinking about the Russian soldier just reminded Snake of the task he still had to complete. He may have defeated the entirety of the Cobra unit, but he still had to deal with The Boss, when all was said and done. Even if he did finally manage to surpass her abilities, would he really be able to go through with killing her? When she taught him everything he knows?

This internal debate continued for the next few hours, until the sun began to set. Glancing out the window, Snake spotted Applejack coming back from the orchard, who tipped her hat at the human upon seeing him. He returned it with a simple salute, and soon after, Snake laid down on a small pile of hay and began to drift off to sleep, his hands near his knife and gun, as they always were when he slept.

Author's Note

I promise, one of these days I'll stop waiting months to update stories.

Still in a Dream

Snake pushed through the bushes, his pistol and knife at the ready. His landing was fairly smooth, so now all he had to do was complete the mission.

Up ahead, he spotted a clearing, where a horse stood. Mildly confused, he scanned the area, finding no sign of any potential owners of the horse. Cautiously, he moved towards the horse, but other than looking in his direction, it didn't react at all.

Slowly holstering his pistol and knife, he approached the horse, which still didn't react. If nothing else, he could probably use it as a distraction for the enemy patrols that would no doubt be coming through here. Still, he couldn't shake the feeling that this horse looked familiar...

"Looks like death wasn't ready for you yet."

Snake wasted no time in drawing his weapons and whirling around to the source of the voice. At the edge of the clearing was a woman wearing a black cloak. He tensed up. He knew that woman.

"Boss..."

"That arm still hurt?" she asked, her tone almost mocking in nature.

Snake knew his mission, but he couldn't help himself from asking. "What are you doing here?"

Instead of answering, the Boss threw off her cloak, revealing her white combat uniform, and charged at her former student. Snake tried to bring his gun up, but she was too fast, and she slammed him to the ground while disarming him. Before he could even get back up, she effortlessly dismantled his handgun, throwing the pieces away.

"Go home," she said, more a command than a taunt. Snake was having none of it, though, and he charged her with his knife. Again, she was too fast, and she grabbed his knife arm and prepared to strike.

Somehow, though, Snake felt like he was expecting this, and he managed to slip out of the hold, both avoiding her elbow and even barely cutting her on the cheek.

After retreating slightly to regain his bearings, Snake thought over what he just did. It felt like he knew what she was going to do before she did it...

Meanwhile, the Boss felt the small cut on her cheek, bringing her finger away to reveal a small amount of blood smeared on it. "Impressive, Jack. Perhaps you did learn something from me, after all."

"Why did you do it?" Snake snapped, still in a fighting stance. "Why would you defect?"

"The Cobras are like my family. We fought together, killed together... I can't abandon them."

"So you abandoned your country?!"

The Boss chuckled, something that was disconcerting when coming from her. "I already told you, Jack. Countries come and go, boundaries change, allies become foes... but soldiers stay together."

Snake was getting tired of her confusing metaphorical talk, so he charged her again. She was ready, however, and was able to grab his arm and twist it painfully, causing him to drop his knife. Undeterred, he managed to wrench his arm free and deliver an elbow to her stomach. As soon as it impacted, Snake grabbed her shoulder and slammed her to the ground, backing away to prevent the possibility of any immediate counterattacks.

Soon after, the Boss got back up, cracking her neck. "So, is the student finally ready to surpass the master?"

"I... have to kill you, Boss," Snake said, somewhat regretfully. "It's my mission."

Again, the Boss smirked. "Well then, complete your mission."

At that, the two charged each other. When one would grapple the other, they'd quickly break free, only to turn the tables soon after. Snake wasn't sure how long this went on for. It could've lasted hours, or it even could've been just a couple of minutes. Either way, though he started out evenly matched with her, he quickly found that he was falling behind. She would get in three hits while he'd only get one, or she'd send him to the ground more often.

Eventually, the two broke off, standing apart from each other, Snake panting heavily. Somehow, the Boss didn't even appear to be winded yet.

"Is that your best, Snake?"

Still panting, Snake once again charged his former mentor, but she was able to slam him to the ground easily. This time, however, he wasn't able to get up, due to the combination of exhaustion and pain afflicting his body.

"Oh, you've had enough?" The Boss walked up to him, staring down at her former student. "That's a shame. You still have a lot left to learn."

She pulled out a short rifle, along with a drum mag, and loaded it. Snake could only watch in horror as she chambered a round and pointed it at him. "Goodbye, Jack."

Snake closed his eyes, waiting for the inevitable, but the gunshot never came. Curious, he opened his eyes to find that he was now alone in the clearing. As he got back up, he also noticed that he had an eye patch now. Why would he-

"So, thou art the creature Princess Twilight mentioned."

Once again, Snake drew his weapons and faced the new voice, but upon seeing a dark blue horse standing at the edge of the clearing, memories of his situation came flooding back.

Holstering his pistol and knife, Snake voiced his curiosity. "Who are you?"

"I am Princess Luna, princess of the night."

"And I'm Snake."

"We know already," Luna waved a dismissive hoof. "Twilight told us about you in a letter."

Snake looked around, scanning the jungle clearing. "So why are we here?"

"It is simple." Luna smiled. "You are dreaming."

"Dreaming...?" That would explain more than a few things. Though that still left unanswered questions. "So if this is my dream, how are you here?"

Luna pointed a hoof at herself. "I have the ability to view and interfere with the dreams of any creature. Most of the time, it amounts to me helping somepony with a problem they have." Luna looked around the clearing, a frown evident on her face. "But this time, I believe it is I who has questions."

Snake believed he knew what she meant, and just grunted in response.

"Who was that you were fighting?"

For a long while, Snake didn't answer, but he eventually decided to bite the bullet. "That was... the Boss. My old mentor."

Luna nodded solemnly. "I see." After another long pause, she spoke again. "Is she the defector that Twilight also mentioned in her letter?"

He didn't say anything, but that was answer enough for Luna.

In an effort to lighten the mood slightly, she started talking again. "So, is your stay in Equestria being most hospitable?"

Snake was still staring off, lost in his own thoughts, but he was still able to answer her question. "You could say that."

The response wasn't exactly what she was looking for, but it was still a step in the right direction. "I am glad."

"Is there another reason you're here?" Snake suddenly asked, looking Luna straight in the eye.

The princess sighed. "I was simply making sure that you were not a dangerous individual."

"Oh, believe me, I'm quite dangerous," Snake said. "But your ponies have nothing to worry about from me. Unless they attack me first, that is."

Luna winced slightly, but otherwise showed no reaction. "That is good. Had you been a threat, we may have been forced to banish you to protect our ponies."

"I understand that. But just so you know, I'm just looking for a way to get back home. Hopefully, I don't have to stay for long."

Suddenly, the world around them began to fade, leaving the human and the princess standing in a black void. Snake assumed his combat stance, looking around, but Luna just chuckled. "Do not worry, Snake, you are just waking up."

"Waking up...? Will I remember any of this?"

"Possibly. Either way, I must bid you farewell for now."

With that, Princess Luna flew off into the void. As Snake stood there, he could feel himself slowly returning to the land of the living...

Author's Note

You know, I actually have a good reason for this taking so long this time. And that reason is _____________________________________I'm a lazy asshole________________________

A Chaotic Encounter

Upon awakening, Snake surveyed his immediate surroundings, as he did every time he woke up. He was still in the loft of the barn, and his equipment was still in place and untouched, so no one disturbed him while he slept. Judging from the sun positioning outside (assuming it was similar to Earth in that regard), it was roughly 9 in the morning right now.

Out of pure habit, Snake scattered the hay pile he used as a bed and picked his backpack up, erasing any trace of him being there. After he was done, though, he realized that he didn't really have anything to do. No enemy base to sneak into, no guards to hide from...

Hopefully, if he did find a way back home, his skills wouldn't be dulled.

Looking out over the orchard, he spotted Applejack bucking apples into buckets. He wouldn't think that just hitting trees would be enough to get the apples loose, though apparently it was an effective method.

Stepping away from the window, Snake remembered the dream he had last night, and thought over it. Assuming that whole thing wasn't just something conjured from his own mind, it was likely that parts of his past were now known by the local royalty. While he disliked the idea of someone invading his privacy like that, he was sure that there wouldn't be anything that would destroy the ponies' trust in him.

At least, he didn't think there was.

Snake was broken out of his speculation when he heard the barn door creak open. Ducking out of sight, he peeked over the edge of the loft, spotting Applejack pulling a cart full of barrels of apples into the barn. After she set the cart down, she looked around the barn, likely looking for any eavesdroppers.

"Snake?" she called out when she was sure the coast was clear. "Y'all there?"

Hearing his name being called, Snake leaned out from the loft. "I'm still here."

"Good." She grabbed a bag that was sitting nearby, and began putting apples into it. "Listen, Ah need you to get these here apples over to Fluttershy, 'cause I'm gonna be too busy with buckin' today, and Ah can't find RD."

Now on ground level, Snake accepted the bag full of fruit. "She must be a big fan of apples, I take it?"

"Oh, it's for her animals or somethin'. You remember the way t' her place?"

"Of course."

Applejack nodded. "Alright, then, get goin'."

While he didn't like being ordered around like that, Snake went ahead and left anyway, retracing the path he and the ponies took yesterday, once again hiding in the forest once he was in view of the town. It wasn't long before he arrived at Fluttershy's cottage, multiple animal sounds coming from inside.

Once he was certain that no one could see him, he walked up to the door, bag in hand. He knocked on the door, and after a few moments, it cracked open, revealing Fluttershy.

"Oh, hello, Snake," she said softly upon recognizing the human. "What brings you here?"

"I was told to bring some apples to you," he said simply, holding up the bag. Almost imperceptibly, there was a small flash of... something in her eyes, and she quickly reached out and grabbed the bag.

"O- Oh, thank you, Snake," she said, setting the bag down just inside the house.

Snake was about to take his leave, when suddenly another voice spoke up from further inside. "Fluttershy, your tea is getting cold!"

He quirked an eyebrow at the voice, while Fluttershy visibly stiffened.

Snake's curiosity was piqued. "Who is-"

"No one!" Fluttershy cut him off, wincing at her own volume. "Er, I think you should go."

He was about to ask why, when the voice from inside spoke again, this time much closer. "Now, Fluttershy, you know it's rude to turn away-"

The voice stops suddenly as its owner comes into view, immediately locking his eyes to Snake's one eye. Both of them stood there for a bit, just studying each other.

Snake was clearly taken aback by his appearance. The animals he saw in the forest were already pretty insane, but this guy blew them out of the water. He appeared to be a mish-mash of various animals, each of his limbs being from a different animal, all connected to a snake-like body, which led up to a head that had a pair of antlers on it.

A few more seconds of silence passed, Fluttershy awkwardly looking between the two of them the whole time. Suddenly, the creature snapped his claw, and in a flash of light he reappeared right in front of Snake, now wearing a trenchcoat and a blonde wig. Acting on instinct, the human quickly jumped away and assumed his CQC stance, weapons at the ready.

"Who are you?!" he demanded, ignoring Fluttershy's panicked looks between the two.

"Are you saying you don't recognize me, brrrrroootheeeeer?" the creature asked, his voice now completely different.

Snake faltered in his stance from sheer confusion. "What?"

There was a pause, and the creature spoke again, his voice returning to normal. "Oh, my mistake, I thought you were someone else." He snapped his claw, and the coat and wig vanished. "Anyway, I am Discord, spirit of chaos and disharmony, at your service."

Despite his mounting confusion, Snake lowered his gun. "I'm-"

"No, wait, don't tell me," Discord cut him off. "You're the one that Fluttershy mentioned yesterday. Snake, wasn't it?"

Pausing while he slowly holstered his weapons, Snake nodded.

Upon seeing that the situation didn't turn horribly bad, Fluttershy let out a soft sigh of relief.

Still thoroughly confused about the whole situation, Snake started to leave. "Well, I should probably get back to-"

"Oh, nonsense, you just got here!" Discord said. "Why don't you come inside, and have some tea with me and Fluttershy?" As he said this, he pulled the pegasus over to him in a sort of hug, making her fidget slightly uncomfortably.

"Sorry, but I'll have to pass," Snake said, causing Discord to frown.

"Oh, alright." He unhanded Fluttershy, and watched as the human started heading back towards the farm.

Before he got very far, though, there was a brief flash of light, and Discord was floating in front of him again. "Oh, Snake, one more thing before you go?"

While he was a bit annoyed, Snake didn't show it, and instead motioned for Discord to go on.

"If and when you finally talk to Celestia, make sure you try and keep a lid on what your job was, okay? Trust me, I've known her for years, and she's nothing if not a stickler for peace and harmony and whatnot."

"...Noted."

Grinning, Discord made a very familiar gesture. "Farewell, Snake."

There was another flash of light, and the human found himself alone again at the edge of the forest. He had things other than being potentially spotted on his mind, though.

That gesture Discord just did... Wasn't that the same one Ocelot kept doing? Was Discord hiding something from him...?

Now mildly worried, Snake continued on his way back to Sweet Apple Acres, eager to potentially get some answers soon.

Author's Note

Here's a game: Figure out just how many MGS references I can cram into a single Discord/Pinkie encounter

Learning and Teaching

It didn't take Snake long to make his way back to the barn, where Applejack was waiting for him.

"So, y'all get them apples to Fluttershy?" she asked.

Snake nodded. "I also had an odd run-in with her... friend."

Applejack nodded in sympathy. "Yeah, Discord's reformed 'n all, but he can still be a mite bit... out there."

"Oh, is that him, is that the one?"

Snake didn't have much time to be confused at the voice before three familiar fillies ran out of the barn, their eyes fixed upon him. Behind them, Rainbow Dash followed.

One of the fillies, the orange pegasus, stood at the front of the group, and started talking to Snake. "Are you the one Rainbow Dash told us about?"

Looking at the pony in question, who had an amused expression on her face, Snake answered cautiously. "That depends, what did she tell you?"

"She said you were the one that cheated against her in a fight!"

The human couldn't help but let out a small chuckle. "Did she, now?"

Dash stepped forward. "Hey, squirt, I didn't say he cheated, but it was some pretty cheap shots."

Looking in her eyes and listening to her tone, Snake could guess why she was here in the first place. "So, you asking for a rematch?"

Dash smiled. "I thought you'd never ask."

The fillies cheered, especially the orange one, and ran off to the side, away from the soon-to-be-combatants. Before they started, Snake turned to Applejack. "This alright with you, if we spar on your property?"

The mare nodded. "Just try an' keep it clean, alright? That means you too, Dash."

Dash snorted in response, her focus entirely on Snake. Likewise, he adopted his CQC stance, and the both of them slowly circled around each other, waiting for the other to make the first move.

Eventually, Dash was the first to act, suddenly flying forward with a karate kick. Snake was caught off guard by the sudden movement, but was able to deflect the attack before it impacted, causing Dash to nearly stumble onto her face. Just before she did, she flapped her wings once, and was able to right herself so she landed back on her hooves.

The pegasus wasted no time, and began attacking again, throwing an onslaught of punches and kicks at Snake while hovering just off the ground. The human was able to deflect or dodge all of them, however, until he caught her back hoof, and tossed her to the ground.

Dash recovered quickly, not looking any worse for wear, besides a bit of dirt on her coat.

Over the sound of the cheering fillies, she let out a small laugh. "That all you got?"

Snake smirked in response, not moving.

Once again, Dash charged forward, only to be caught in mid-air and sent to the ground again.

Just as she got back up, Snake went on the offensive, running up to her and grabbing her front leg. Before she could do anything about it, he sent her spiraling towards the ground.

Just before she impacted, she shot out her wings, sending her flying along the ground. Snake had to steady himself against the sudden gust of wind, so he could only watch as Dash landed back on her hooves some distance away.

Dash's smile had worn off, now, and her face was showing nothing but pure determination. Despite this, Snake still held his own smirk.

Without a word, Dash surged forward again, hooves outstretched. Just as Snake moved to counter, though, she unexpectedly rose, passing right over him. After another flap of her wings, she was able to land a kick on Snake before he had time to react. He was knocked off one foot from the impact, and whirled around to prevent any follow-up attacks.

It seemed that Dash was satisfied with her hit, however, as she backed off, an arrogant smile back on her face.

While Snake had taken far worse hits, his back was still stinging a bit. Regardless, he smirked a little more. "Not bad."

"You can get 'em Rainbow Dash!" one of the fillies shouted from the sidelines.

Encouraged by the child's enthusiasm, Dash charged once more, unloading a barrage of punches and kicks at Snake. However, the human didn't take any major hits, but it seemed that, as the hits kept coming, he was falling behind slightly.

Seeing this, Dash let loose a grin, and started to hit harder and faster.

Unfortunately for her, this also made her attacks sloppier, which Snake noticed. He waited until there was an opening, which came in the form of an easily deflected kick.

Acting quickly, Snake seized the outstretched limb and pulled, bringing Dash off balance. Before she could recover, Snake effortlessly flipped her over, locking his arms behind her head, and preventing her limbs from moving much.

Snake had just put her into a perfect submission hold.

The pegasus struggled, barely able to move, while the human simply held on, preventing her from getting loose.

"L- Let me go!" she shouted, still trying to flail a back leg enough to kick Snake.

"Does that mean you forfeit?" he asked back, now full-on smiling.

"N- No! Just let go!"

"That sounds like a forfeit, to me."

Dash continued to struggle in Snake's grasp, making no progress towards freedom. This continued for almost five minutes, during which the fillies kept cheering her on, and Applejack couldn't help but wear a goofy smile.

Eventually, Dash's struggles started to wane in energy, until what used to be frenzied flailing turned into sluggish wiggling. Snake seemed perfectly able to continue the hold for a lot longer.

When Dash stopped completely, breathing heavily, Snake spoke up again. "So, do you forfeit now?"

She tried one more time to escape on her own, then hung her head. "Alright, alright, fine."

Ignoring the gasp of the watching fillies, Snake relented his hold, letting Dash fall back onto her hooves, stretching a bit in an attempt to stop the slight ache that had developed in her limbs.

Applejack started walking towards the two. "Well well well, I guess-"

Suddenly, before she could finish, Dash flew towards Snake, hoof outstretched in a punch. Snake reacted quickly, though, ducking the attack and grabbing Dash's body, before slamming her to the ground, slightly harder than he had done before. This time, Dash stayed down, completely exhausted from the match.

Applejack gaped. "Wait just a second, you tried t' keep fightin', even after ya admitted ya lost?"

"Technically, she didn't actually say she gave up," Snake said. "Besides, in a real, life-or-death battle, you take any advantage you can get; honor is for the dead."

Despite Applejack's confused expression, Snake went over to Dash, offering her a hand. "That was some nice moves, back there."

Reluctantly, Dash accepted the hand in her hoof, and used it to pull herself off the ground. "Yeah, yeah, rub it in, why don't ya."

"I was being serious." Snake's gaze hardened. "I've been practicing my CQC for almost all of my life, to the point where only the person who taught me," he winced slightly, "can best me in hand-to-hand combat. Or, hand-to-hoof, in this case."

When Dash didn't change in her glum, Snake continued. "You not only managed to land a hit on me, but you also almost got me with that last punch." Snake offered his hand for a friendly post-sparring handshake. "You're pretty good."

While she was still a bit grumpy over losing, Dash couldn't help but smile at his words, and shook his hand. "Yeah, thanks, I guess."

The sound of rapid hoofsteps in their direction reminded the two combatants of the rest of their audience.

Scootaloo was front and center, as before. "I call shenana... shinshana..."

"Shenanigans?" Sweetie Belle offered from the back of the group.

"That too!" the orange one continued. "There's no way anyone could beat Rainbow Dash! You cheated, mister!"

Dash chuckled, despite herself. "Believe it or not, he didn't, Scoots. He beat me, fair and square."

"But you're Rainbow Dash!" Scootaloo continued. "You're, like, the most awesomest pony ever!"

"As odd as it may seem, even I have my limits," Dash admitted, making Applejack fake a spit take.

"What's that? The Rainbow Dash, admitting she's not the best? Alert th' princesses, this is big news!"

"Yeah, yeah, real funny, AJ."

"You had it comin', sugarcube."

Dash turned back to Snake, who was watching the exchange with amusement. "That being said, don't think I won't take this lying down. I'll make sure that, one day, I'll beat you at your own game."

Snake blinked. "My own game?"

"That's right, Snake, I'm gonna beat you with that DQB stuff, because you're gonna teach me!"

Silence fell over the group, each of them wearing a different expression. Scootaloo had a look of sheer wonder, the other fillies were a bit confused, Applejack was genuinely shocked, and Snake's face was entirely unreadable.

"Well, Snake," Dash continued, "what do you say?"

After a bit of thinking to himself, the human looked back at the pegasus. "I don't see why not."

Before Dash could celebrate in any way, a new voice suddenly broke in from above them. "What in the world is going on here?!"

Everyone looked up to see Twilight awkwardly flying in, still not 100% used to her wings. Everyone held their laughter, though, because she was currently glaring towards Snake and Dash, most likely because of the dirt and bruising on the latter.

"Oh, hey, Twilight!" Dash greeted. "Snake just agreed to teach me that whachamacallit fighting thing he does!"

The princess's anger was replaced by confusion. "What?"

"We had a friendly sparring match," Snake explained. "I saw potential, and she wanted to 'beat me at my own game'."

Twilight looked between the two of them, and also shot a couple of glances at Applejack and the fillies. Finally, her gaze rested upon the human. "You challenged her to a fight?"

Dash laughed sheepishly. "Actually, I'm the one who came to him about it."

"...oh."

An awkward silence fell over all of them, before Twilight cleared her throat. "Anyway, Princess Celestia has told me that she is going to visit Ponyville tomorrow to meet you, Snake."

Snake let out a thoughtful grunt in response.

Twilight nervously looked around at his lack of verbal acknowledgement. "...so, who won, exactly?"

Applejack smirked. "Why, Snake here put up the better half of the fight."

Twilight let out a "Hmm," looking at the various bruising present on Dash. "Snake, could I speak with you, for a second?"

Puzzled, Snake obliged, stepping away from the others, and following Twilight some distance away. Once they were out of earshot, she turned around to face him.

"So, will you really teach Dash your... fighting style?"

Snake shrugged. "She seems eager to learn, so I don't see why not."

"You're not going to... teach her how to kill, are you?"

Snake paused. "No, of course not."

"And how do I know that?"

"CQC is, primarily, a defensive form of combat. It relies less on directly attacking your opponent, and more on disarming and disabling them when they attack."

Snake coughed slightly. "Of course, it can be used offensively, but typically it takes a very high level of mastery to do so successfully. And I won't be teaching her that much, anyway."

Twilight still held a skeptical gaze, but she nodded in understanding anyway. "Still, I'd be careful with her. She can be a bit... overzealous, sometimes."

Snake nodded. "Understood."

With that, Twilight started walking back to the others, where she said her farewells and started to awkwardly take off, much to Dash's amusement. Just before she left, she flew over to Snake.

"Remember, you're seeing the princess tomorrow!"

He gave a thumbs up in response, and Twilight flew off, busy with whatever princess duties she had to do.

As he walked back towards the rest of the ponies, he overheard the tail end of a statement from Applejack to the fillies.

"...runnin' your mouths about him at school, y' hear? Th' last thing we need is our farm gettin' attacked by an angry mob because they think we're hidin' a monster or somethin'. Y'all understand, right?"

A chorus of "yeah"s were her answer, and that seemed to be satisfactory.

"Well, sorry to disappoint, but I got other things to do today," Dash said, starting to lift off the ground.

"Like takin' naps?" Applejack deadpanned.

"Exactly!" After waving goodbye to everyone, she took off, flying towards town.

At that moment, Snake was made aware of his hunger, due to his stomach growling. The fillies giggled at the noise, while Applejack flinched slightly, before calming down. "Well, I figure now's as good a time as any. What do you say we go on over to the house and get some fresh apple pie?"

The fillies cheered at that, and Snake couldn't help but smile, too. After all, it had been quite a while since he had a genuine, home-cooked meal, let alone apple pie.

The fillies charged towards the house, Applejack and Snake calmly following.

As they approached the house, a thought occurred to Snake. "You know, I don't believe I've met the rest of your family, yet."

"Hmm, you're right. Don't worry about it, though, Ah'm pretty sure that both Big Mac and Granny will warm up to you just fine... hopefully..."

Somewhat reassured, Snake followed the mare into the house, not completely sure about how he would be greeted.

Author's Note

something something waiting, huh?

Castle Crasher

After returning to his camp and resting for the night, Snake decided to try and find anything else that was notable in or around the forest. The town was to the west, so that was out, leaving three other directions he could go.

After finishing off a hunk of alligator for breakfast, he destroyed what little of a camp he made and began walking southeast, hoping to run into anything at all, really. He knew the river he first arrived in was some distance to the north, though he hadn't run into it since his arrival.

The search was uneventful, so Snake instead used the time to think over his situation. Seemingly trapped in a new world, completely different from his own, with creatures that resembled horses, yet were just as intelligent as humans, from what he had seen. His radio was useless, now, though he still kept it on in the slim hope that he'd be contacted.

Still, if nothing else, at least this world didn't seem to have vam- them, so already that was a plus.

Soon, the trees began to thin out, and Snake arrived at the edge of a chasm. A rickety-looking bridge spanned the gap, but it still looked stable enough to get him across, even if just barely.

Exercising caution, he carefully stepped onto the wood, getting a groan in response. Slowly but surely, he worked his way to the end of the bridge, somewhat grateful to be back on solid ground. Looking ahead, Snake spotted a rather imposing castle not too far away. Now with a solid destination, he readied his pistol and headed towards it, ready for any surprises.

As he came up to the door, he took in all the details of the aged fortress. The walls were certainly old, but still held firm, and the wood that made up the door also looked aged, but somewhat more recent. A few towers could be seen rising above the rest of the castle, and even in the morning sunlight, the place seemed to hold a certain sense of foreboding around it.

Cautiously, Snake nudged open the door with the barrel of his gun, getting a low creak in response. Once it was open enough, he slipped inside, and looked around. The roof was caved in here and there, allowing enough sunlight in to see.

Oddly, where Snake expected rubble to be haphazardly spread on the floor, it was instead piled neatly off to the side, out of the way. There were also some curtains strung up among the columns, and they looked to have been put up very recently.

Trying not to make any noise, he crept to a nearby staircase, his eye scanning over anything that could potentially hide a threat. Finding none, he picked up his pace a bit as he ascended the staircase, glancing outside every once in a while.

At the top, a hallway stretched about twenty yards ahead, a number of doors located on the walls.

Snake carefully opened each one, finding only an empty room, until one door in particular brought results. Inside looked to be a decent sized library, with bookcases reaching at least seven feet high. Notably, a couple of pillows were placed in the middle of the floor, and judging by the stack of books next to them, they were used very recently.

Suddenly, Snake could hear the entrance door creak again, this time much more quickly and loudly. He sprinted back over to the stairs and did his best to listen.

"How much longer do we hafta keep comin' here?" a female voice with a southern US accent asked.

"Just until we get the place fixed up, Applejack," a new voice answered, also female, this one sounding a bit regal, though not much.

"I still don't think you really need a castle of your own," a third voice remarked. Startled, Snake recognized it as the voice of that blue horse he interrogated yesterday.

"Well, Rainbow Dash, I, for one, think that it certainly has some charm to it," another voice added, this one sounding rather refined.

"Yeah! And besides, think of all the parties we can throw here!" a fifth, hyperactive voice said.

As they all started talking, Snake thought over a possible plan. He knew he'd have to get out of there, but they'd see him if he took the staircase down, and he didn't see any holes he could crawl through up here. Maybe if he-

"Uh, girls? Do you smell something... burning?" Kinda-regal voice asked, halting all conversation.

Confused, Snake glanced down, only to see that he had lit a cigar out of habit. Cursing softly, he quickly put it out before hearing steps coming up the stairs. In need of a plan, he quickly yet softly jogged over to one of the empty rooms near the back of the hall, which held a few boxes of no interest. Still, they gave him an idea...

Twilight and her friends walked up the stairs, curious about what that burning smell was. It didn't smell very strong, so the library being ablaze wasn't possible, and they didn't see any smoke coming in, so that was out, too.

When they arrived at the top of the stairs, there wasn't a single thing that looked out of place. Even the smell itself seemed to have gone away.

This didn't stop Twilight from being suspicious. "I think somepony's up here," she said quietly to the others.

"Well of course, silly!" Pinkie said. "We're up here!"

Twilight let out an exasperated sigh. "No, I mean somepony else."

"Maybe it's just an animal?" Fluttershy quietly suggested from the back, subconsciously scratching a spot on her head.

"Whatever it is, we should probably find it," Applejack suggested. With this goal in mind, the six of them searched through the rooms, looking for anything out of the ordinary. All of the vacant rooms were still empty, and the library was fine, leaving the room they were using as storage the only one left unchecked. Rainbow Dash cracked open the door and peered inside, but only saw all the boxes that were there last time they were there. Shrugging, she closed the door and reported back to her friends.

"I got nothin'," she told them.

"Maybe it was just our imagination, Twi'," Applejack offered.

"I don't know, I could've sworn-"

"Look, Twilight," Rarity began, "it's obvious you're stressed out from becoming a princess and having your own castle. Just relax, read a good book, maybe. We'll handle making the place more presentable for you."

Twilight smiled. "Thanks, girls. I don't know what I'd do without you."

At that, the six shared a hug together, before Twilight headed into the library, and the others split up to continue work on making the castle not look so run down.

Snake let out the breath he was holding. Thankfully, no one ever suspected the cardboard box, especially alongside other boxes. He'd have to remember to try and contain his habit, since it seems like those horses have a better sense of smell than humans.

After a couple of the horses entered the storage room and picked up a couple of other boxes, Snake decided to take action. Waiting a few minutes to make sure the coast was clear, he stood up and quickly folded the box into a more compact size before putting it back in his backpack, followed by quickly switching his uniform and face paint to something to blend into the dull blue of the castle interior better.

Once that was done, he carefully slid up to the door and cracked it open just enough to peek through. The hallway was clear, so he slipped out of the door, taking care to close it silently. After that, he stalked down the hall, keeping his eye peeled for any movement, and listening closely for any noises.

Coming up to the library door, he glanced inside, seeing a purple horse sitting on one of the pillows and reading a book. Strangely, this one had both wings and a horn. Said horn was also glowing a light purple, and the book was floating in the air, also glowing purple. He gaped at the display, but quickly ducked back into the hall. After all he's seen, magic doesn't seem to far out there, though it could possibly hinder his escape.

Deciding to worry about that later, Snake continued down the hall, hearing a bit of movement downstairs. Hopefully, they'll be too busy to notice him slip outside.

Creeping down the stairs, he soon was able to view the main hall without being easily spotted. Five other horses were going about, adjusting this or that, moving rubble or putting up various decorations. Notably, not only were those two winged horses here, but there was also a white one with purple hair who had just a horn, and the remaining two, an orange one with yellow hair and a cowboy hat and a pink one with also pink hair, both of which had neither horn nor wings. Curious.

Snake looked between the horses and the exit. There were a couple of pillars between the door and his location, but there was a decently long stretch of no cover between them. He'd have to not only move quietly, but quickly, while they weren't looking. The door was a bit of an issue, but hopefully if he gets that far he'll be home free, anyway.

He looked back at the horses, who seemed to be busy helping the orange one lift a large piece of the roof. Seeing his chance, he moved as fast as he could while still making no noise, making it behind the first pillar just as they looked back. So far, so good.

Chancing a peek at the horses again, he saw that they were now focused on their own things, and a couple of them were looking in his direction. He'd have to wait for another chance.

That chance soon presented itself. "Hey, can somepony help me out, here?" the blue one asked, trying to Attach a curtain to a pair of pillars. Once the others went to help her, Snake started moving again, then took cover behind the next pillar. Once there, he looked back to see that the horses were still busy with the curtain. Grinning, he glanced over to the door, planning his final step for escape.

Well, better go for broke. Looking back one last time to make sure the horses were still busy, Snake moved to the door, slightly faster that he had been moving before, and therefore slightly louder. He was within reach now, just quickly open it and-

"Hey, what's that?"

Snake quickly pressed against the wall and froze at the sound of the pink horse's voice. He looked back, hoping that she was talking about something else, but found that all of them were now staring at him.

Caught, he quickly assumed his CQC stance, ready for anything. However, the horses just looked at him while walking forwards slowly, confusion evident on their faces, along with some fear.

"Uh... what is it?" the orange one asked, tilting her head.

"It looks like some sort of animal," the white one remarked.

At the mention of the word 'animal', the yellow one was front and center. "Oh, I've never seen an animal like this before..." She began walking forward, and Snake tensed up, aiming his gun at her. "It's okay," the horse continued, talking as if he was a mindless beast. "We won't hurt you."

"And how do I know that?" Snake asked, drawing a gasp from the others. "So it talks..." orange commented.

The blue one, meanwhile, had a flash of recognition in her eyes, followed by anger. Before the others could say anything, she was flying towards the human, hooves poised for attack. Snake reacted quickly, though, and sidestepped the attack while also bringing an elbow upwards. The maneuver worked, and the blue horse was elbowed in the stomach, both bringing her to a halt and knocking the breath out of her. Before she could get her bearings, he brought her down to the ground, slamming her painfully, but not enough to knock her out.

Both hands free again, Snake brought his pistol up and aimed at the others, who all wore shocked expressions, and held his knife in front of the downed horse's neck, to discourage her from trying anything.

The tense standoff continued for a few more seconds, before steps could be heard on the nearby stairs. "Hey, girls, why is it suddenly so quiet down-"

The purple horse froze as she saw the situation, and Snake shifted his aim over to the newcomer. "Just what is going on here?!"

Snake observed his surroundings. The door was still behind him, so if he was fast he'd be able to slip out. He'd need a distraction of some sort, though...

Suddenly, he felt his gun getting tugged, and he looked to find it, along with his hand, covered in a purple glow. The purple horse's horn was coated in a similar glow. Frowning, Snake tried to fight against it, and ended up pulling the trigger. However, his aim was pulled off by the purple horse, so instead of hitting her the tranquilizer dart hit the orange one in the neck. She looked at it, worry evident in her eyes, though that soon gave way to fatigue as the dart emptied its contents into her bloodstream.

All of the others were now looking at their unconscious friend, giving him the distraction he needed. Without wasting any time, he started sprinting for the door, no doubt bringing their attention to himself. However, just as he was reaching to open it, he found his hand covered in that same purple glow as before. Grunting, he used his other hand to aim his pistol, trying to rest the sights on the purple horse. However, that purple glow soon took over his gun hand again, and it was wrenched from his grip.

Undeterred, Snake drew his M1911, aiming it at the purple horse, who was levitating the tranq pistol over to her. "I'd give that back if I were you," Snake warned.

"And why is that?" she asked, shifting her attention from the gun to the human.

"Because the one I have now is a bit more lethal." Snake honestly had no idea if this was a good idea, but threats haven't let him down before.

Frowning, the purple horse set the gun down. "There's no need for violence."

"Tell that to your blue friend over there," Snake responded, motioning over to said blue horse, who was being held back by the pink one.

The purple horse looked between her friends and the human, before letting out an exasperated sigh. "Alright, look, we don't want to hurt you. So, you think you can just put the weapons down, and we can discuss this peacefully?"

Snake thought over this. Here he was, in an alien world, populated by small, colorful horses, and they wanted to discuss things peacefully. He thought it over. Back home, if he even thought about discussing with the enemy, he'd be branded a traitor alongside the Boss. But here, probably worlds away from his own, it was a whole different situation.

How would pony society react to him? The ones here acted like he was an animal at first, and if these horses are like the ones back home, he'd probably be shunned, if not outright exiled or attacked, for his carnivorous ways.

Still, if they had magic, it'd probably be in his best interests to play nice, in case they could help send him home...

As he was thinking to himself, the purple horse looked uneasily between Snake and her friends. "Well, what do you say?"

Broken out of his thoughts by her words, Snake came to a decision. "Alright, I'll play along." He held his hands up, still clutching his equipment, in the universal gesture for 'I'm friendly now'. He then holstered his pistol and knife, and once the purple horse saw that his hostility was gone, she let out a sigh of relief.

Snake walked towards her, and she stiffened slightly out of fear, but instead of going for her, he picked up his stolen weapon.

"Hey, what about Applejack?" the blue horse asked, motioning to the sleeping orange horse.

"She'll be fine in a few minutes," Snake explained. "These tranquilizers are strong enough to be instant, but weak enough to only last for a bit."

Seemingly relieved by this, the other horses started coming a bit closer to Snake, taking in more of his appearance. As they did this, purple started talking again.

"Do you have a name, by chance?" She also offered her hoof in what appeared to be a handshake.

Snake stood silently for a second, thinking some more, then shook the outstretched hoof. "Snake."

Author's Note

Because apparently the idea of magic being that overpowered is a bit too much for you people.