Letters of an Ignored Daughter

Dear Princessa Celestia,

What have you got in that shit which you calls head to send your " personnel student " where I am currently living? I mean, it was no longer enough to fuck my life taking my horn and turning me into a deadly Pegasus, you made a pegasi couple (thousand times better parents than you) adopt me, I spending my childhood being mocked by my classmates, and then I discover that the all-powerful ruler of Equestria is my mother and I could have already become a Wonderbolt long time ago. Okay, palms for you.

Your mediocre student had the courage to speak the Wonderbolts not accept a pegasus (correcting her, I'm a alicorn without a horn) who could not clear the sky on a single miserable day. I had the pleasure to rub in the face of that bitch that I could do it in ten seconds flat. Not to mention the small change I made in the style of her mane. Fluffy is more the style of a stuck smartass unicorn. Do you know where I can find one of those glasses for nerds? I'd love to add it to her look.

We (and when I say we, I mean the other four) did everything we could to show our hospitality. And how she thanks us? Locking herself in a bedroom inside a LIBRARY and not talking to anyone. Her dragon (Spike, if I'm not mistaken), is a very fun guy, he managed to make a hat with the uncool lamp which was in the library junk.

So we spent the whole night in a party where the honoree neither made a point to attend and move our asses to City Hall, where each and every event happens in Ponyville. Ponyvillians awaiting you and your sunbutt to raise the sun for the first time in their humble town. And what happens? You simply do not appear and in your place, a depraved crazy pony screams that night will last forever. The egghead saids she call Nightmare Moon, the old “Mare in the Moon” story.

I decided to do something for Equestria, since you do not, and follow your student back to the library. Clearly you knew Nightmare Moon would return and sent a spy (your antisocial student) to keep an eye. Luckily, Pinkie Pie is smarter than her and found the book first.

Five elements and one unknown (holy shit) are able to defeat Nightmare Moon. They are Honesty, Kindness, Laughter, Generosity and Loyalty. In short, Applejack, Fluttershy, Pinkie Pie, Rarity and me. Nothing could be simpler.

I pretended to fall on talk of shadowbolts, they really know how to cherish someone (thing a certain mother does not) even if it were to delay our search for the Elements. If they were real, and not just ponies created from the nightmare, that stallion much like with Soarin would be lucky to clop with the unknown Princess of Equestria.

We found the elements. Fluttershy and I went down them to the floor with that retarded asking for us to be care. As if I did not know that stones are fragile (okay, it did not make sense). Then she made a pose of intellectual and we decided to leave her alone. Maybe Nightmare Moon would appear and kill her? Then we would find the sixth element and defeat that sinister thing and we would get all the credit that your student would probably get alone. Yes, I have obsession with being famous since the part of my throne was torn from me.

Nightmare Moon stepped on them as if they were, you know, apples and they broke. The smartass saw that she needed us and we turned up at a very opportune moment. She said some crap about us and what we represented the elements. If someone asked me before we get into the Everfree Forest I would answer with pleasure. I always knew I was the bearer of the Element of Loyalty. How else I would try to save your kingdom and your sunbutt after you abandoned me?

Then magically the sixth element came from the ceiling and a rainbow blast (yes, rainbows rule) hit the crazy pony. But instead of killing her, blew the "shell" into a thousand pieces revealing none other than my aunt (insanity sends hello).

Pinkie decides to play a party for the return of my aunt imprisoned on the moon for a thousand years and you grant your student remain in Ponyvile, according to you to learn about the magic of friendship. But I know you know what I'm capable of and wants somepony to watch me. The lame excuse about reports of friendship melted the hearts of my friends, pathetic.

Your daughter,

Rainbow Dash

PS: The sixth element is Magic (of Friendship), she knows us less than 24 hours and already think our friendship is a powerful thing. Damn pariah.

PPS: Spike is a nice guy and agreed to send my reports to you too. He deserves better than Twilight Sparkle, please give him to me as compensation to all moral and physical damage I suffered all these years.