After the opening credits, the screen gives way to a pleasant purple background. In a flash of light, Discord reappears.
"I see you've decided to stick around for my little project," he says, pressing his mismatched fingers together. "Splendid. Now, here's how it's going to work. Using some spare plunder vines, I have linked our world to yours. This is how you'll be able to tell me what you want to see. Don't ask me to explain how it works; let's just say it's not supposed to make sense and leave it at that, okay? Okay.
"Now then, every once in a while, I'll stop the episode and present a list of choices. Each choice will receive a certain amount of applause, and whichever receives the most is the one we'll go with. Let's test it out with a few key concepts."
Discord then snaps his fingers and brings up a few slides which he puts into a projector.
"Now then, in this episode, what do you think our dear Twilight Sparkle should wear?" he asks. "Do you want A: For her to wear nothing like in almost every other episode?"
A slide of Twilight Sparkle appears on screen, and there is a minimal amount of applause heard.
"Figured," says Discord with a sly grin. "Now, do you want B: For her to wear her dress from the Grand Galloping Gala?"
A slide of Twilight dressed in her Gala attire appears, and there is more applause.
"Or do you want C: For her to wear that lovely robe and carry around that scepter I made for her?"
A picture of Twilight looking disgruntled while holding a golden scepter and wearing a purple robe appears, and there is a massive amount of applause.
"I like the way you guys think," says Discord. "Then again, you folks are quite fond of that scepter, aren't you? Not that I blame you, of course. Now, let's get the nitty-gritty out of the way. What do you want to be the focus of the episode? Do you want A: The Wonderbolts to come in for a show?"
A picture of the Wonderbolts appears, and there is a modest amount of applause, including one enthusiastic pony who is off-screen.
"Yeah! Woo! Bring on the Wonderbolts!" an all-too-familiar voice cheers.
Discord turns towards the noise and deadpans. "We already went over this, Rainbow Dash. You're not allowed to vote," he scolds. He then turns back to the audience and clears his throat. "Moving on, do you want B: For the episode to be about our fine heroes getting a key?"
A picture of the chest appears on screen, and there is very little applause.
"Of course, of course. Don't want the story moving too fast, after all," says Discord. "Or do you want C: For the episode to be about Twilight Sparkle being a princess?"
A picture of Twilight's coronation appears on screen, and several cheers are her along with a generous applause. After nearly being blown away by the feedback, Discord raises a stop sign, and the applause stops.
"Okay, I think we get the message," he says. "Let's move on to setting, shall we? I've got some very nice locations for our story to take place. Do you want our setting to be A: Tartarus?"
A picture of a menacing cave marked with torches appears on screen, and only one person applauds. A cough is also heard.
"Alright, do you want B: The Everfree Forest?"
A picture of the forest appears on screen, and there is more applause.
"Or do you want C: Ponyville?"
A picture of Ponyville appears on screen, and there is slightly more applause than before. Discord stares blankly at the audience.
"Wow. Really creative, guys," he says sardonically. "Are you sure you don't want to go with A? We can certainly make an exciting episode out of that."
There is silence.
"Oh, fine," Discord growls. "Ask, and we shall provide."
He then snaps his fingers, and the purple background gives way to Ponyville.
"Right, now let's get this episode started," says Discord. "Like I said, every once in a while, I'll pause the action so that you can make a choice. And just FYI, if you end up not liking the story, then it's your own darn fault."
***
The episode opens up in Ponyville on a peaceful day. The sun is shining, the birds are singing, and everypony is happy. Well, not everypony.
Walking through the town square is a grumpy Twilight Sparkle. She is wearing a purple cape with a nice fur trim and carrying a golden scepter with her likeness on the head. Walking alongside her is none other than her ever-faithful assistant, Spike.
"I can't believe this," Twilight grouses. "The one day I decide to put on something nice for my first royal luncheon as princess, and all of my good dresses are in the laundry."
"Yeah. Weird," says Spike, scratching his head. "But, I don't get it, Twi. Why do you need a dress, anyway? You don't..."
"Normally wear clothes; yes, I know, Spike," says Twilight with a sigh. "But you have to understand: I'm a princess now. And princesses don't go to royal luncheons without formal attire. It's unheard of."
"C'mon, Twi. I doubt anypony would care," says Spike, folding his arms.
"It's better to be safe than sorry, Spike," says Twilight firmly.
Spike shrugs. "Okay, fine. You're the princess here, so you know how these things work. But I still think it's silly."
"I, kinda agree, but I don't want to get in trouble," says Twilight. They continue walking through town, passing by the famous Quills and Sofas Shop. The shopkeeper, Davenport, walks out and notices Twilight.
"Your Highness!" he says, bowing before the princess. "How nice to see you!"
Twilight makes a face. "Davenport, if I told ponies once, I told them a thousand times. Don't do that."
Davenport blinks. "I'm sorry?"
"I've made this clear to ponies ever since the Summer Sun Celebration," says Twilight. "Just because I'm a princess doesn't mean I want special treatment. Just treat me like anypony else."
"Yeah, because there's never a time when your title might come in handy," says Spike, rolling his eyes.
"I'm not saying that, Spike," says Twilight. "I just don't want to abuse my power, that's all. Celestia and Luna never did that. I'm following their example."
"Really? I don't think anypony would blame you if you used a smidgen of your power just to get a cab ride," says a slick voice coming from all directions.
Twilight groans. "Okay, Discord. What do you want?"
In a flash of light, the Master of Chaos appears.
"I'm just here to get the obvious joke out of the way, my dear Twilight," says he. "And with that, it's time to pause the action and make a decision."
"Wait, what?" says Twilight, utterly confused.
"If you have to ask, then you don't know," says Discord dismissively. "Now, one of Twilight's friends is going to walk in. Should it be A: Applejack?"
A modest amount of applause is heard.
"B: Rarity?"
A smaller but still modest amount of applause is heard.
"Or C: Rainbow Dash?"
There is a massive round of applause as Rainbow Dash comes flying in.
"You guys have good taste," says Rainbow, brushing back her myriad-colored mane. "Yo, Twi. What's shaking?"
"I'm just heading to my first royal luncheon," says Twilight.
"Wait, that was today?" says Rainbow, smacking her forehead. "Oh man, I'm so sorry, Twi. I was so caught up in my last-minute training session with the other Wonderbolt Cadets that I completely blanked on that."
"It's fine, Rainbow Dash," says Twilight. "C'mon, we'll go together."
"Hold it right there!"
Suddenly, a pegasus stallion dressed in the telltale uniform of the Royal Guard darts in and stands between Twilight and Rainbow Dash.
"Whoa!" Twilight exclaims. "Where did you come from?!"
"Lieutenant Straight Arrow, reporting for duty, Your Highness," says the Royal Guard with a salute. "I've been assigned by Captain Holy Lance to protect you."
"From what? It's actually a pretty nice day," says Twilight, gesturing to the tranquil scene of Ponyville.
"All princesses need a royal escort," says Straight Arrow. "It's a rule. A rule that you have been neglecting."
"But I don't want a royal escort!" says Twilight.
"Yeah," Rainbow Dash chimes in. "Besides, if she's ever in trouble, she's always got me and the rest of her friends to help her. So take a hike."
Straight Arrow turns to Rainbow Dash and snorts. "And just who are you?"
"Rainbow Dash, Wonderbolt Cadet First Class," says Rainbow without missing a beat.
Straight Arrow blanches. "Oh. I, didn't know Her Highness was having the Wonderbolts escort her," he says sheepishly. "Please, accept my apology."
"And, pause," says Discord. "Alright, Twilight. It's time for the audience to decide what you should do."
"What? What audience?" says Twilight, looking around in bewilderment. "Discord, what the hay are you up to?"
"Nothing nefarious, I assure you," says Discord. "Now, should Twilight A: Forgive this breach in conduct and just go to the luncheon?"
There is a minimal amount of applause.
"B: Take this up with that stick-in-the-mud Princess Celestia and let her deal with it?"
There is a decent round of applause.
"Or C: Order the guard to dance a jig?"
There is a huge round of applause.
"Well, you heard them, Your Highness. Get to it," says Discord.
"What?! Why should I?!" barks Twilight. "That makes no sense!"
"But that's what makes it fun," says Discord, as if this was self-evident. "Doy~!"
After sputtering for a moment, Twilight finds that she's unable to argue.
"Ugh, fine. But I won't play along with all of your crazy schemes. I'm warning you right now," says she. "Straight Arrow, as princess, I command you to..."
She pauses for a moment to groan in exasperation.
"...dance a jig."
"Yes, Your Highness!" says Straight Arrow with a salute. He then does exactly that while Rainbow Dash, Spike, and Davenport look on in bewilderment. As they continue staring at the odd spectacle, Pinkie Pie bounds in out of nowhere and starts dancing with the guard.
"Yeow!" yells Rainbow Dash. "Pinkie? Where did you come from?"
"I was just on my way to get Twilight for her big royal luncheon!" says Pinkie, still dancing all the while. "But then, I noticed you guys were having a dance party, so I decided to join in, too!"
Twilight sighs. "Pinkie, we weren't having a dance party."
"Oh, I knew that," says Pinkie. "It's just no fun dancing alone, so I decided to dance with him to make him feel better."
Spike chuckles. "That's just like you, Pinkie. Always ready to make other ponies smile."
"Yep-a-rooni!" says Pinkie with a wide grin. "Thanks for the dance, Mr. Royal Guard, sir! You're invited to join us, if you want."
"Oh. Well, thank you. Thank you very much," says Straight Arrow.
And so, the group of friends head on down to Sugarcube Corner. But before they leave, Twilight gives Discord an "I'm watching you" gesture.
"Trust me, my dear Twilight. There's nothing to worry about," says Discord with a sigh. "Y'know, it's quite demeaning having to take orders from somepony wielding a Twilicane."
"What does the scepter have to do with anything?" asks Twilight. "The only reason I brought it here is because I couldn't get this stupid cape on without holding it."
"Just a minor musing that you weren't supposed to hear, Twilight! Pay it no mind!" says Discord hastily. He then chuckles. "You saw it here first, folks. For once, my own chaos has turned against me. Actually, this happens more often than you'd think. But, that's a story for another time. For now, let's see how our fine pony friends are doing."
***
The royal luncheon was all set up and raring to go. Applejack had made a delicious spread of all sorts of apple treats alongside Bon-Bon's confections and the Cakes' usual array of baked goods, Rarity was touching up the decorations with her usual flare, and Fluttershy's bird choir was standing at attention alongside a small band of musicians consisting of Lyra, Fiddlesticks, Pitch Perfect, and Kazooie.
"Wow. This all looks amazing, everypony," says Twilight. "Thanks."
"Anythin' for the princess," says Applejack with a tip of her hat. "An', o'course, our friend."
"Indeed," says Rarity, taking a look at Twilight's outfit. She then does a double take. "Um, Twilight? Darling? Why are you wearing, that?"
"It's the only clean royal garb I could find, believe it or not," says Twilight with a sigh. "All of my other stuff is in the laundry."
"Oh, darling! Why didn't you come to me?" says Rarity. "I would've been more than happy to make you a new outfit."
"Shucks, Rarity. I know you're generous an' all, but have ya ever considered pacin' yourself?" says Applejack.
"The thought has come to mind once or twice, I'll admit," says Rarity with a sigh.
"Okay, is this gonna be a thing?" says Pinkie. "Y'know, where we all call each other out on our Elements because we're following them too closely?"
Her question was met with a collection of blank stares.
"Pinkie Pie, you are so random," says Rainbow Dash with a chuckle.
"I know, I know," says Pinkie with a pout. "That's getting kinda old, Dashie."
"Old? I only remember calling you random twice," says Rainbow Dash. "Three times if you count now."
"Oh. I must be thinking of something else," says Pinkie sheepishly. "Never mind, Dashie. Let's just get this party started!"
"And pause," says Discord. "It's time for another choice. Something is going to come and interrupt the party!"
"Discord~," Twilight says tersely.
"Hey, I'm just giving them the options, Twilight. If something bad happens, blame them," says Discord, pointing to the audience.
"You never explained who they are," says Twilight.
"Ooh, ooh! I know who they are!" says Pinkie, hopping up and down.
"We know, Pinkie Pie," says Discord, patting Pinkie on the head. "Now, let's get on with the choices, shall we?"
"Okey-dokey-lokey!" says Pinkie. "Wow, how long has it been since I said that?"
Discord shrugs and ignores Pinkie. "Right. So, what's going to interrupt the party? Is it going to be A: Daring Do?"
There is a small round of applause with Rainbow Dash drowning out most of it.
"Yeah! Woo! C'mon, Daring!" she hollers.
"You're still not allowed to vote, Dashie," Discord chides. He then clears his throat and goes back to the list. "Is it going to be B: Coco Pommel?"
There is a moderate round of applause.
"Or is it going to b C: An Ursa Major?"
There is a massive round of applause.
"Oh, come on!" exclaims Spike. "Really?! You guys couldn't cut us a break?! I didn't even get to meet Coco!"
"Sorry, dear Spike. But the fans have spoken," says Discord. "This is democracy at work."
He then snaps his fingers, and a large Ursa Major barges in and wrecks the place.
"Alright, folks. What do you want our fine heroes to do?" says Discord. "Should they A: Run like heck?"
There is a massive round of applause.
"B: Run like the dickens?"
Another massive round of applause sounds.
"Or C: Run as if their lives depend on it, which they kinda do?"
A third massive round of applause is heard.
"Wait, aren't all those the same thing?" asks Twilight
Discord sulks. "Well excuuuuuuse me, Princess, but a joke isn't funny if you have to explain it," he says.
"Um, actually, I don't think we should run."
Discord turns to Fluttershy and raises an eyebrow. "What was that?"
"I vote for D: I talk to the Ursa Major and find out what's wrong," says Fluttershy.
Discord scratches his head. "Wait, this isn't right. What happened to the pony who is scared of her own shadow?"
"Hang on, let me see this," says Pinkie, taking out a script from nowhere and reading it over. "Hmm. Mmm-hmm... Oh! That's what it is! Sorry, Flutters. We almost forgot that there are still some writers out there who remember that you're not afraid of everything."
"Oh. Well, that's fine. I find that a lot of ponies forget that about me," says Fluttershy with a shrug. "Anyway, may I?"
Discord twiddles his fingers for a moment and looks at Twilight, who gives him a stern glare.
"Okay, folks. Quick poll," says Discord. "Should I A: Obey ole Twilicane and let Fluttershy do her thing?"
There is a modest amount of applause.
"Should I B: Make the Ursa Major even madder and start causing chaos throughout Equestria?"
There is a large round of applause.
"Or should I C: Summon Princess Persnickety aka Celestia here and show that she's actually capable of holding her own without the Elements of Harmony?"
There is a massive round of applause.
"Huh. Seems we've got some princess loyalists in the audience today," says Pinkie.
Discord, however, continues to twiddle his fingers. "A-are you really sure that's your choice? I mean, you know we're like oil and water, right? I don't want to summon her."
"Well, I didn't want to force a member of the Royal Guard to dance a jig for no reason, but apparently, I didn't have a say in the matter, now did I?" says Twilight, raising an eyebrow.
Discord opens his mouth to respond, but thinks better of it. "Touché," he says. "Fluttershy, do your thing. I'm done."
"Oh. Um, okay," says Fluttershy, flying up to the Ursa Major.
Discord sighs and turns to the audience. "Yeah, I know you guys wanted Choice C, but if you really want to control the action, write your own episode," he says. With that, he snaps his fingers and disappears in a flash of light.
Meanwhile, Fluttershy talks to the Ursa Major for a bit and then flies back down to the others.
"Well, what did it say?" asks Twilight.
"She's just here for the party," says Fluttershy. "She's here in the stead of Steven Magnet, who wanted to come but couldn't because he's a sea serpent. So, she's going to join us and tell him all about it later. Isn't that sweet of her?"
"Um, yeah. I guess," says Twilight with a shrug. "But we still have to rebuild Sugarcube Corner."
"Aw, don't worry about that, Twilight," says Pinkie. "It'll be all better than new by the time we have another adventure or whatever."
"How can you be so sure?" asks Twilight, raising an eyebrow.
"Two reasons," says Pinkie. "One, when something is destroyed in this town, it always gets fixed by next week. And two, I think a certain draconequus owes us a favor for this little experiment. After all, he did Pinkie Promise Flutters that he'd clean up."
Fluttershy blinks. "Huh? I didn't know this is what he meant. And how did you know that, anyway?"
"Simple! I read the description for this episode!"
Pinkie is met with another collection of blank stares before everypony simply burst out laughing, Pinkie included.
Iris Out, Roll Credits
Author's Note
I actually had this idea for a while, but I held onto it because I really didn't know how I could get it to work in a text-only format. I did find a good work-around to make thing flow more naturally, but it's not perfect. If anyone wants to do an animation or audiobook of this, please don't let me stop you.
For those who are wondering, the original prompt was: "A normal day in Ponyville becomes not-so-normal." Since this prompt can be used to describe almost any given episode in the show, I decided to play with the idea of it being an episode with Discord at the helm. As such, please try not to take it too seriously, as it's not meant to be.
