The Conversion Bureau: Judgement

by Flint-Lock

Rating: teen
Tags: Other, Gore, Princess Celestia, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Alternate Universe, Human
Length: 5739

A xenocidal Celestia meets a being even more powerful than her and faces judgement for what she's done.

Humanity is dead.
It's members have been converted and brainwashed. Its homeworld has been absorbed, and its culture has been eradicated.
Princess Celestia couldnt' be happier.

Unfortunately for Celestia, there are beings out there who don't look too kindly on xenocide. Beings much more powerful than her...

Inspired by Rush's "The Conversion Bureau: Celestia's Silly Plan"

Author's note: For the record, I don't hate all TCB fics. My problem is with the ones that depict humans as irredeemable bastards whose only hope for salvation is to convert themselves into talking horses. They piss me off. They really piss me off.

Published 2014-01-08 01:40:08 UTC
Last updated 2014-01-08 01:40:08 UTC

Judgement for a Goddess

From her tower atop Canterlot Castle, Princess Celestia watched a world die.

The snow-white alicorn watched the enchanted mirror, trying to savor the moment. This was it; the human homeworld, that ruined dust ball they called “Earth”, was almost completely assimilated into Equestria. All that was left was a tiny patch of unaltered wasteland, growing smaller by the second.

The princess smiled as the shimmering bubble that marked the barrier between worlds swallowed the poisoned land. On contact, the mystical field turned barren soil and rubble to lush meadow and rolling hills. Pools of stagnant water, poisoned by runoff and industrial waste, became crystal clear ponds and lakes teeming with life.

Celestia watched as the unaltered land slowly contracted. Soon, all that was left was a single square mile of irradiated waste, a blemish on the otherwise pristine landscape.

This is it.

The square mile contracted even further. Soon it was nothing but a tiny speck of wasteland, almost too small to see. The speck continued to shrink, and shrink and then...it was gone

Yes… Celestia smiled. At long last, the human homeworld was completely assimilated by Equestria. Earth was no more.

The princess depowered the magical mirror and clip-clopped down the steps to the castle, each step had a little spring in it. She trotted down the corridors of Canterlot Castle, humming a jaunty little tune.

It was a lovely day, same as always. The sun streamed through the windows, not too bright, not too hot, but just right. A soft breeze wafted in through an open window, lightly scented with the nectary hint of flowers

As Celestia clip-clopped down the castle walls, one of the newfoal maids walked by, carrying a tea service on her back.

Celestia’s mood instantly soured. Don’t make eye contact don’t make eye contact don’t make eye contact…

The maid stopped and turned to Celestia. Her never-ceasing smile made Celestia‘s stomach clench. “Good afternoon, Princess!”

The alicorn princess summoned acting skills honed by millennia of practice.. “Good afternoon to you too, Featherduster.” She said. “How are you?”

“ Oh, I’ve been just great, your highness!“ The pale brown earth pony said. “I just finished cleaning the Palace windows and now I’m about to polish the royal silver!”

“That’s great.” Celestia said, trying her best not to grimace.

“Oh, your majesty! Is it true that Earth is gone?”

Celestia swallowed her gorge and smiled. “Yes, your former homeworld was just swallowed up about two hours ago.”

The maid’s ever-present smile somehow grew even bigger. “Gee, that’s great! I hated it there! All that pollution and crime and meanness. Things are so much better here in Equestria!”

Celestia could feel her heart scream LEAVE NOW LEAVE NOW LEAVE NOW! “I‘m glad to hear that. I…won‘t keep you hear any longer.”

“Ok!” The new foal went back to carrying her tea service.The alicorn trotted around a corner, then shivered. Newfoals. They looked like ponies, acted like ponies, and smelled like ponies, but she could still feel the ape inside them, chained up deep within their conscious.

"Really wish I didn’t have to employ them". Celestia muttered under her breath. If she had her way, she’d send all of the newfoals as far away from Canterlot as possible. Preferably in one of the gem mines or one of the farms being opened up in the Exponential Lands.
Celestia sighed. She had to keep up appearances. Even with the mental conditioning that came with ponification, there was still a chance that the ape might rise up. If word got out what her true feelings where, there would be chaos.

Celestia didn’t like chaos.

“Your highness!”

Celestia turned around. A royal gaurdspony galloped up to her. “Princess, you have a petitioner awaiting you!”

Celestia raised an eyebrow. It had been centuries since she’d last had a petitioner. Usually her little ponies had no need for a personal audience.

The princess shrugged. Oh well, nothing wrong with a little change of pace. She charged her horn and instantly teleported to the Royal Throne room.She walked over to her massive throne and sat down.
With a sigh, she remembered when there had been two others, one for her little sister, and another for her former student.
Little Sister, Twilight, I‘m so sorry. Celestia gritted her teeth.Tears trickled down her furry cheeks. She’d warned them against interacting with the humans. Somehow, the vile apes had managed to win them over to their side. With two virtually-omnipotent demigods on their side, the humans had nearly undone decades of planning.

Yet one more reason she hated them so much.

Celestia shook her head. Enough reminiscing, she had a petitioner to meet.

The princess cleared her throat. “Send in the petitioner.”

“At once, your majesty”

The guards slowly opened the doors. Celestia’s heart nearly leaped out of her throat.

“No…No…you can’t…!”

The petitioner adjusted the pinstripe tie around its neck and walked in. “I can.”

-

Celestia was paralyzed.

A human man, dressed in a business suit, necktie, and sunglasses, was standing right in her throne room.

This…this was impossible! The magic permeating Equestria was fatal to humans. Just ten seconds of exposure was enough to turn a human into a blob of rotting necrotic tissue. Yet here was a human, completely unaffected.

The princess quickly regained back her composure. “Who are you?!” She boomed in her Royal Canterlot voice. “What are you doing here?!”

The human slowly, slowly walked up to the throne. Celestia’s stomach churned.

“HALT! DO NOT COME ANY CLOSER!” She boomed again.

The human ignored her. “Guards!” Celestia pointed to the human “Seize this creature immediately!”

Nothing happened. The guards might as well have been statues.

The human finally stopped just in front of the throne. Celestia struggled to maintain a facade of calm. “Identify yourself, creature!”

The human looked her in the eyes.

“I am everything.”

“I said ‘identify yourself!”

“I just told you...” The creature said, its voice as cold as the depths of deep space. It lifted its sunglasses, and the universe dissolved. Celestia was bombarded with Images of alien worlds flitted through Celestia’s head. Worlds where thought and logic took physical form. Worlds where stars were only a few miles across and burned out within a year. Worlds upon worlds upon worlds...

Just as Celestia’s mind was about to crack, the world returned to normal. The princess clutched her head with her hooves, trying to restore some sense of sanity. “All of those worlds and more are part of me.” The human said in a deadpan manner. “Every atom of every molecule of every planet is part of me.”

The princess’ huge eyes widened even further. “You’re…you’re the multiverse.”

The being nodded.

“Yes, I…” Celestia gulped. “I understand.” She summoned a glass of water and chugged it down. “What…what are you doing here?”

“I have come to discuss your recent actions with the humans of universe 61842”

The multiverse pulled a chair out of nowhere and sat down. “Tell me. What were your reasons for invading 61842?”

“Invading?!” Celestia roared indignantly. “I saved humanity!”

The multiverse raised an eyebrow. “You destroyed their homeworld, erased their culture, and brainwashed them into loving you.” The multiverse crossed its arms. “That’s a rather unorthodox form of rescue.”

Celestia furrowed her brows. “You must know how violent the humans were. You know how their greed ruined their homeworld. If I hadn’t had them converted, they would destroyed Equestria as well!”

“You?” The multiverse said. “What about your sister and your protege?”

Celestia bristled. “You’re the multiverse. You know very well what happened to them.”

“Oh yes, yes I do.” The multiverse pulled a lit cigarette out of thin air and took a long drag. “They caught wind of your true plans.”

“True plans?!” Celestia boomed. “The humans brainwashed them!”

The multiverse blew a smoke ring at Celestia. “That’s what you keep telling yourself. You know very well that they uncovered your plans to subjugate humanity.”

“What plans?”

“You cannot keep a secret from me….” Another long drag on the cigarette, followed by another smoke ring.”…any more than you could prevent an hour from passing. Everything that happened to humanity during the last fifty years of their existence- the ecological disasters, the wars, the hatred- it was all part of your master plan to make them welcome their own genocide. My agent told me everything.”

Celestia’s jaw almost fell off of her head. Agent? What agent?

“Discord of course.” The multiverse took another drag. “He is a sort of ‘undercover agent’, making sure that my constituent universes are running smoothly." TIt blew out a perfect smoke ring. "Well, at least as smoothly as is possible for a universe.”

The alicorns’ eyes almost bulged out of her skull. The personification of chaos itself was there to ensure order?!

“Of course.” Said the multiverse. A faint smile appeared on its thin lips. “What better cover for an agent of order than a force of chaos?”

The multiverse stood up and tossed the cigarette over its shoulder. It vanished instantly. “‘Tis a shame he was not able to inform me sooner. Otherwise your takeover would have been stopped immediately. Unfortunately, that tainted magic of yours…”

“Tainted?!” Celestia exploded. “Magic is the very embodiment of Harmony! It can never be tainted!”

“Don’t lie to me Celestia. I’m getting quite sick of it.” The multiverse frowned. Celestia could feel its eyes slicing her apart like cleavers. “You know very well that magic is still susceptible to corruption.”

The multiverse began to pace back and forward. “Tell me, why is the magic of your universe inimical to human tissue?”

“You already know why.”

“Indulge me, Celestia.”

“It’s because humans are inherently chaotic, and harmony cannot tolerate chaos. “

“That’s a lie and you know it.” The multiverse said. Despite its deadpan voice, Celestia could feel a subtle fury in its words. “ Discord told me of the ritual you performed; how you integrated your hatred of humanity into the very fabric of magic. Now the slightest exposure can kill a human in seconds.”

Celestia swore she could feel the multiverse glaring at her. “In all of my uncountable years of existence, I have never seen a God poison her own universe.”

For a minute, the two beings just stared at each other, not speaking, not moving. Finally, the multiverse broke the silence. “Why do you hate humanity so much, Celestia?”

Celestia opened her mouth, but the multiverse instantly shut her off. “No wait, I’ll answer for you. You hate them because of what they’ve done.”

The multiverse continued “ When you first peered into their universe, you saw all that they had accomplished; their advances in philosophy, government, science. All in a mere 10,000 years.”

“You saw that world and were amazed. It took your race almost half a million years to advance to where it is today. And here was a race that had achieved all of that and more in a fraction of that. Without magic. Without a princess.”

“That amazement soon turned to jealousy. It wasn’t fair; how dare a race ascend so quickly when your own race wallowed in barbarity for so long?”

“ No! That’s not true at all!“ Celestia shouted. It was a lie. Yes she hated humanity, but they deserved that hatred!

“The only being you’re deceiving is yourself, Celestia.” The multiverse said. "Discord told me how your jealousy grew into an all-consuming hatred. Every new invention, every new idea, became a personal insult against you.”

“Of course, your own pride couldn’t let this stand. You used your magic to influence the minds of humanity’s elites. You let your hatred for them taint their minds, poisoned them into ignoring the damage their wars and their greed were doing to their world. You knew that this lust would lead them to ecological ruin.”

The multiverse pointed an accusing finger at Celestia. “But of course you couldn’t be content with destroying their world. You wanted to make these beings bow before you. You wanted to humiliate them. So you had them make the potion, set up those ‘Conversion Bureaus’.”

The multiverse lowered its head. “Now, a once proud race has been reduced to a class of chattel slaves.”

“Untrue!” Celestia bellowed. “The Newfoals are treated no differently than the rest of my subjects!”

The multiverse crossed its arms. “Really? Then why are they being mostly being used as unskilled laborers? Even in their pony bodies, they still retain the skills they possessed as humans. Surely you could find a better use for them than sweeping streets or weeding gardens?”

Celestia said nothing.

“I thought so.” The multiverse said.“Lets change the subject for a moment.”
It put a manicured hand to its chin.“ Tell me, Celestia, Did you know that there are other versions of Equestria?"

Celestia shook her head.

"Indeed there are. Thousands upon thousands of Equestria's. Some are virtually identical to your own; others are so different you wouldn’t recognize them as Equestria”

Celestia said nothing. Her mind was a total blank.

“You’d also be interested to know that there are versions of Equestria in which humans and ponies coexist. Allow me to show you.”

The multiverse lifted its sunglasses. Celestia found herself in the middle of the palace chapel, surrounded by wedding guests both pony and human. Standing at the altar was a nervous-looking human dressed in the regalia of a prince.

“Where am I?” She squeaked. “What is going on?”

Watch.

An unfamiliar song began to play on the organ. The doors to the chapel opened, and a pony completely covered in a white wedding dress trotted in.

The prince tugged at the collar of his chest. Celestia gagged. Humans were so ugly. Those flat faces, those beady little eyes, and that pale, hairless skin! What pony in their right mind would find that attractive?
Whoever that bride was, they were either blind, or foolish.

The priest began to chant something in some alien language; either some strange variant of Equestrian, or some human tongue native to this universe. After what seemed like an eternity, the groom lifted the bride’s veil.

Celestia’s heart stopped. Her gorge rose. The bride was her!

The other-Celestia looked into the human’s eyes with what Celestia could only describe as love. The prince slipped a jeweled ring onto her horn, she levitated a similar ring onto his finger, and they kissed.

Celestia could feel the bile rising in her throat.

“Beautiful, isn’t it?”

The princess turned around to see the multiverse sitting on one of the pews. “What…what is this place?”

The multiverse put down the program it was reading. “This is universe 9898. You are witnessing the wedding of General Caleb Trask of the Royal Guard to Princess Celestia of Equestria.”

The bile continued to rise in Celestia’s throat. She choked it down. “Why are you showing me this?”

“Because this world is almost exactly like your own.”

Celestia had a lot of questions she wanted to ask right then. All she could say was“What?”

The multiverse stood up and stretched. “Everything about this universe is virtually identical to your own; its history, its laws, its culture, everything is just as it is, or rather, was in your world.”

“But…” the multiverse turned to her, its voice as cold as ice, “there is one significant difference. Can you guess what it is?”

Celestia shook her head.

“In this world, when you learned of the human world, your fascination didn’t turn to jealousy or hatred. No, you admired these strange bipedal beings. You wanted to learn from them, use their knowledge to better your world.

“Over time, you perfected a spell to create a Tunnel of sorts between your two worlds. First contact was somewhat rough at first, but eventually, your race learned to embrace humanity.”

The multiverse snapped its fingers; Celestia found herself floating above a massive golden city.

“What is this?!”

“Manehatten.” The multiverse said bluntly. “Roughly twenty years since the return of Princess Luna. And it appears to be rush hour.”

Celestia took a closer look at the city. The city was alive with activity. Figures in strange flying suits filled the sky lanes, accompanied by strange wedge-shaped airships. Celestia could feel magical energy pulsing from crystals scattered throughout the city. She could feel being harnessed and used to power all sorts of bizarre machines.

Whoever built this city seemed to have a love for nature. The golden skyscrapers were covered with moss that had been arranged into beautiful, geometric patterns. Celestia could see the streets of this strange city weren’t paved at all. Instead, they were covered with a strange, short grass.

“In this world, humans and ponies have become one people.” The multiverse waved a hand over the cityscape. “Together they have built a utopia. Disease and famine are relics of the past, and crime is virtually unheard of. Sure, there’s the occasional conflict or two, but nothing too serious.”

The multiverse snapped its fingers. The city dissolved, and was replaced by Celestia’s throne room.

“That could have been your world, Celestia. A world as close to perfection as is possiblet.” The multiverse frowned. “Instead, you used your magic to exterminate and enslave an entire race.”

The multiverse pulled a massive scroll out of nowhere. “After consulting with several of my subordinates, I have come up with a verdict.

The multiverse’s voice suddenly became much, much deeper. “Princess Celestia, you have been found guilty of xenocide, slavery, and forced conversion. Your sentence shall be carried out immediately.”

Celestia gulped. “What are you going to do?”

The multiverse looked Celestia in the eye. “I’m going to spread the truth.”

-

Featherduster gently polished the royal silver, humming an upbeat tune as she did so.

Out of all the jobs Celestia had her do, this had to be her favorite. She didn’t know why; maybe there was something soothing about polishing all of those countless pieces of silver. Maybe it was the way the silver reminded her of Princess Celestia’s majesty. Maybe it was just the fact that her actions served the Princess.
It didn’t matter. It made her happy, and that was all that mattered.

As she polished, Featherduster’s thoughts turned to memories of her old life. How long had it been since she cast off her filthy human body? Ten years? Twenty years? It seemed like a lifetime
Something bubbled up out of Featherdusters’ subconscious. She put down the polishing rag and jar. It was a memory about books. Hundreds of books, all piled up in the middle of a town square.

She remembered something else. A Native unicorn was casting a fire spell on the stack, burning the books to ashes.She remembered someone holding her back as the spells were cast. For some reason…for some reason she had wanted to save those books. Something about them being “all that’s left of our culture”

The earth pony maid shook her head. It was best not to think too hard about these memories Whatever had happened, she was certain that Celestia had done it out of love. After all, the Princess loved all her little ponies, new foal and native alike.

Featherduster set down the silver tea pot. Now that that was done, it was time to get to work on the silverware…

NEWFOALS!

Featherduster reeled, dropping the jar of polish.

SEE THE TRUTH ABOUT YOUR “SALVATION”

Before the maid could react, a flood of images, thoughts, and feelings surged through her brain. She found herself looking through the Princess’ eyes.

What’s going on?

She saw the Princess peer into another universe. Her universe. She winced as she felt the Princess’ jealousy, felt it devolve into an irrational, all-consuming hatred.She saw the monarch taint the minds of politicians and CEO’s, twisting their minds to suit her needs.

Featherduster clutched her equine cranium. “GET OUT OF MY HEAD!!!”

The vision grew more and more intense. She felt the stinging bitterness of Twilight and Luna’s defection. She felt the drug-like sense of satisfaction as the last holdouts of humanity were converted into smiling slaves…

The vision abruptly ended. The maid fell to the floor, shaking like a scared foal. Tears ran down her fuzzy cheeks .
“It…can’t…” She rasped. “Why…no…she…couldn’t…”
Then she stopped. Slowly, painfully, she picked herself up, her face as pale as milk.

At that moment,the remaining scraps of Featherduster dissolved. A cage opened inside the maid’s mind, releasing something that had been contained up a long, long time ago. She remembered a name: Linda. Yes, Linda. Her human name.

The newfoal’s heart began to pound like a war drum. She felt a vaguely familiar emotion stir within her. She couldn’t quite identify it, it was as if her blood had been replaced with red-hot magma. A word bubbled out of the maid’s conscious. She remembered now. She remembered what this emotion was.

It was rage.

-

The castle was in chaos.

Using her magic, Celestia watched as the newly-freed newfoals turned on the guards. What the new foals lacked in fighting prowess they more than made up for in ferocity. The former humans hurled themselves at the royal guards, strangling them with their forelegs or tearing at them with their blunt pony teeth.

“They’re not the only ones.” The multiverse said. “All over Equestria, the new foals are rebelling against their pony masters.”

The multiverse smirked. “I also took the liberty of cleansing the hate from your world’s magic. It no longer attacks human flesh.”

Celestia charged her horn. If she worked quickly, she might be able to recast the mental conditioning spell.

“You’re wasting your time, Celestia.” The multiverse said. “Without the taint of your hatred, you’ll find magic a bit more difficult to use.”

The throne room doors burst open. A familiar looking new foal burst in, her frilly outfit splattered in blood and bits of flesh. On her back was a bloodstained spear, possibly taken from one of the guards.

“MURDERER!” The new foal roared. “YOU KILLED MY WORLD! YOU ENSLAVED MY RACE!”

“Featherduster, please.” Celestia said in her most placating voice. “What you saw was an illusion. You know that I would do no such thing…”

“LIAR!” Featherduster screamed. Celestia swore she could see flames in the new foals’ eyes. “I SAW YOUR PLANS! I SAW WHAT YOU DID TO OUR PLANET!”

Featherduster took the spear and charged, holding it out like a lance. She let out a wordless cry...

FWAP!

Celestia’s horn dimmed. The enraged newfoal stopped in her tracks, quivering with rage. Runners of stone ran up the enraged equine’s body, turning fur and flesh to marble.Within seconds, the ex-human was a stunningly life-like statue.

Celestia remembered something about the conditioning spell. Something she’d cast a long time ago, just in case.

The Princess’ lips spread into a confident smile. She turned to the multiverse and chuckled. “You think I hadn’t considered this?” Celestia’s horn glowed. In her mind’s eye, she could see ponies all over Equestria drop what they were doing and turn on the new foals. Shopkeepers and customers grabbed whatever they could find and attacked rioting new foals. Farmers picked up their hoes and pitchforks and turned on new foals still recovering from the effects of the vision.

“They are hopelessly outnumbered and outmatched” Celestia said, feeling pretty smug about having outsmarted the multiverse itself. “ All you’ve done is ensure their extinction.”

The multiverse’s smirk remained. Celestia’s smugness quickly evaporated. “Do you remember that universe I just showed you? The one where you marry a human general?”

Celestia gagged. How could she forget?

“Well, before I arrived here, I paid the Prince and the Princess a visit. While I was there, I informed them of your plan and what you had done to the humans. Needless to say, they…disapproved.”

“Now, while that world may be a utopia by most standards, it is not free of war. Believe me, the people of that universe have not forgotten how to fight.”

The multiverse strode over to a window. Below, Celestia could see smoke rising from Canterlot; the result of uncontrollable rioting.

“It didn’t take much to convince them to aid the new foals. They should be arriving just about….”

There was a sound like a thousand earthquakes going off at once. A massive electric blue sphere appeared outside of Canterlot, and a fleet of chrome airships filled the sky.

“…Now.”

-

Elsewhere...

On the Equestrian Alliance Airship Shoot to Thrill, Prince Caleb, Triarch of the Equestrian Alliance, stood in his golden combat exoskeleton, itching for combat.

“What are you waiting for?” He growled, squirming in the bulky exosuit. “Plug me in!”

“Patience, your majesty” said a technician adjusting a bundle of wiry cables. “This is a delicate procedure. Any mistake could cause irreparable damage to your nervous system”

The Prince growled. “Very well, but hurry up! I got a tyrant to kill!”

“At once, your majesty.” A pony technician plugged the cables into a port in the armor and checked a crystalline datapad. “Checks are complete. Beginning neural uplink.”

Caleb winced as the armor plugged into his nervous system. Normally, the procedure was rather painful- like a million hornets stinging all at once. Not this time.

When Caleb had first learned of the atrocity his wife’s doppelganger had committed, he’d almost gone off through the gate into this universe by himself. Only a slap in the face from his wife had convinced him to take a full battle group with him.

Ah Celestia, honey, what I wouldn’t’ give to have you here right now. His lovely wife had followed him into combat many times before- Operation: Odyssey Dawn, Operation: Suckerpunch, and the bloody, brutal Griffon Insurrection. This time, they’d had to make an exception.

The battlefield was no place for a pregnant mare.

The beestings stopped. The weight of the exosuit vanished.

“Neural connection complete.” The technician announced. “Try it out, your highness.”

Caleb flexed his armored limbs, getting a feel for the bulky exosuit. It never ceased to amaze him, this neural interface technology. Thanks to it, the half-ton armored exoskeleton felt like a second skin.

“All systems are green, sir.”

“Good.” The Prince turned to an officer sitting in front of a console. “What is the status of our forces?”

“Attero Dominatus, BlueBlood the Second, and Hoofington are at Condition One.” The officer barked. ” All pegasi and attack craft are in their launch tubes. Drop pods and landers are fully loaded. We are at full battle readiness.”

“Good. How long ’till we exit the Tunnel?”

“ETA two minutes ,’lord. You might want to get to your drop pod.”

“Not yet.” Caleb turned to a comms officer. “Open a channel. I feel like giving a little inspirational speech.”

“Hang on.” A pony tech tapped his polished crystal touch screen. “Channel open. You’re on, your majesty.”

Caleb cleared his throat. “SOLDIERS OF UNITED EQUESTRIA!”

“THAT SO CALLED ’‘PRINCESS’ HAS MADE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF HER LIFE. DO YOU KNOW WHAT THAT IS?” Caleb paused for a second. “SHE THOUGHT THAT SHE COULD ENSLAVE AN ENTIRE RACE AND GET AWAY WITH IT!”

“DO YOU KNOW WHAT WE ARE GOING TO DO ABOUT THAT? “ Caleb shouted into the mike. “WE ARE GOING TO FIND THAT TYRANT AND GIVE HER A BEATING THAT IS WAY. FRAKKING. OVERDUE!

The armory erupted in cheers from both humans and ponies alike.

Caleb made a slashing motion with his throat. “How was that? Was it good?”

The comms tech smiled. “One of your best your majesty.”

“Eh, I’ve made better.” Caleb stomped over to the troop bay and crammed his armored body into his custom-made drop pod. He braced himself.

“Exiting the gate in T minus 59, 58, 57...

Caleb clenched his armored fists. He hated this part; being stuck in this tin can, waiting for the pod to drop. It was like waiting in an old-fashioned doctors office, only worse.

“30, 29,28…”

The Prince’s hand went to the oversized mage-rifle clamped to his left leg. This baby had seen him through countless firefights. It had never let him down.

“3...2...1... Launch!”

The pod gave a sharp lurch and the Prince’s pod dropped from the Thrill; a deadly egg laid from an even deadlier bird.

Caleb accessed the pod’s camera feed. He could see the BlueBlood and Hoofington shell the tyrant’s warped version of Canterlot. Beams of white-hot magic turned stone to magma and brainwashed ponies to ash, while ground attack aircraft from the Attero sprayed the city’s battlements with hypersonic flechettes, turning the defenders into paste. Pegasi swooped down and slapped limpet bombs onto anything that looked dangerous, sending orange-red flowers skyward, while landers and drop pods touched down, disgorging countless numbers of earthpony, unicorn, and human troops. All armed to the teeth.

Finally, the pod slammed into the ground. Explosive charges blew the doors open, and Prince Caleb burst out.
A squad of possessed unicorns turned their horns on the Prince, spraying him with deadly bolts of magic. Caleb answered their blasts with a burst from his customized mage-rifle, spearing each of his attackers with a fat bolt of magic. The unicorns slumped over, their brains turned to charcoal.

“ON ME!” The Prince yelled into his suit’s com system. “Lets kick some flank!”

-

Celestia looked on as her kingdom burned.

It was like looking into the bowels of Tartarus. Her loyal subjects were being mown down like wheat before an Earth Pony’s scythe. The Human’s bizarre vehicles were making short work of her fortifications, while those traitorous pegasi zipped behind her lines and raised havoc.

WHOOM!

Celestia heard a wall blow in her castle.

“YOUR ASS IS MINE, CELESTIA!”

“Ah, yes. That would be Prince Caleb breaching the walls of your castle.” The multiverse checked a watch that hadn’t been there a moment ago. “ I’m impressed. I didn’t expect him for another fifteen minutes. Then again, he always was one for being fashionably early.”

The castle rang with the sounds of battle. The bizarre zaps of the humans’ weapons mixed with the clang of Royal Guard swords. She could hear the clops of armored hooves throughout the hall; human-allied Earth ponies and unicorns.

“It seems that my work here is done. I shall leave the rest to the Alliance.”

With that, the multiverse snapped its fingers and disappeared from existence.

Something massive clomped down the corridor to the Throne Room.

THUMP!

The massive Throne Room doors splintered and cracked.

“Knock knock!” Shouted a deep, human voice.

Another Thump. The throne room doors fell apart, and human outfitted in a bulky suit of golden armor stomped in, followed by a horde of armored humans and ponies.

“HONEY, I’M HOME!”

Celestia charged her horn. There was a safe room deep beneath Canterlot. If she could reach it in time...

“OH NO YOU DON’T” The human aimed something like a hand-held cannon at her and fired. The next thing Celestia knew, she was lying on her side, nursing the most incredible pain she had ever felt. A piece of what looked like ivory plaster lay by her muzzle onto her muzzle. Her eyes widened; it was the tip of her horn.

The armored human stomped over to Celestia. He took the massive rifle and pointed it straight at her head.

“Rifle: special setting 5”

The weapon beeped twice.

The human put an armored foot on Celestia’s chest and shoved his weapon into her face.

“You Lose.”

He pulled the trigger...

-

One year later

Linda trotted through the marketplace of downtown Canterlot, her saddlebags bulging with groceries.

Really feels good to stretch my legs. She thought as she dodged both human and pony pedestrians. It’d taken the Alliance mages nearly a month to undo Celestia’s spell. A month of standing perfectly still while a bunch of unicorns hovered over her.
At least they’d been kind enough to read to her. Otherwise she would’ve gone insane from boredom.

“’Bout time they finally reopened the marketplace.” the ex-new foal thought, ducking around a human chatting with a unicorn. Even though the market had suffered only minor damage during the Battle of Canterlot, for some reason the Council hadn’t reopened it until just a few days ago. Something about the more heavily damaged districts taking priority or whatever.

Linda looked around. Those Alliance guys had really changed the place. Those strange techno-magical gadgets of their where practically everywhere, doing everything from lighting up the city to cleaning up the air. The skies were full of magically-levitated airships, ferrying goods and passengers all over the city.

Linda looked down at her stumpy legs and sighed. She’d regained her human mind, but she was still stuck in this marshmallow-horse body. The Alliance had said that the potion’s effects were permanent; any attempt to reverse them would probably kill her.

Eh, I’ll manage. If she could stand being a living lawn ornament for a month, she could stand being a talking horse for the rest of her life.

Speaking of talking horses, she wondered what had happened to Princess Celestia? Well, the former Princess Celestia, not one from the other universe. Some said she’d been turned to ash by the Prince’s mage-rifle. Others said she’d been turned to stone and displayed in some private section of the Royal gardens. Nopony knew for sure.

Linda’s stomach growled. It’d been a while since she’d eaten. And she had a real hankering for some starfruit. The new foal licked her lips. She’d become addicted to the things lately.

-

Deep within the catacombs of Canterlot Castle, kept safe by countless magical wards, is the Royal Vault.

Within this slimy, mold-encrusted vault are items that are too dangerous to see the light of day, but too powerful to destroy; magical weapons capable of destroying the world a thousand times over, artifacts possessed by psychotic spirits, spells that could literally rewrite reality if they were cast, and countless other abominations

These artifacts and more are stored in the dank and the darkness. Never to be used or even seen.

Recently, this foul, stinking Vault has acquired a new occupant. Compared to the most of the diabolical devices it houses, this one is relatively tame- a marble statue of an alicorn with a damaged horn laying on her back. However, if one were to look closely, the would see an unnatural light in its eyes. If one were to approach the statue, they would find themselves overcome by an overwhelming feeling of rage…