"Hello Ponyville, and welcome to the Ponyville Hedge Maze Center! We are proud to present: The latest comedy singer in Equestria! Pony D!
Every pony that had attended were cheering wildly as a relaxed looking unicorn entered from stage right. Levitating his usual acoustic guitar along behind him.
He had a normal tan coat, with a slightly darkened blonde mane and tail that were just brushed to the sides to keep the hair out of his eyes. And his Cutie Mark, which doubled as his symbol for all of his gigs, was a snare drum and a symbol. The two parts of a drum set that was used to make the famous rim shot that came after jokes. Finally, there was his magic aura, which was a calm light green color. It was holding his guitar behind him as he also used it to adjust his mic that was set up in front of a stool.
When he got to his seat, he smiled and waved to the crowd of music loving ponies. All who had come to hear his famous parodies that had gone from Canterlot, to Manehatten, to even Las Pegasus. But of course, he wanted to take a break from the bigger cities and go to a smaller one. And with Ponyville having a colorful past, he thought this was the best place.
"Thank you every pony for that great warm welcome here." He told them with a smile. It was all genuine too. Not like some of the other famous singers like Britneigh Spears or Justin Beaver. "You know, out of all the cities in Equestria I've been to, this has got to be the most friendly cities of them all."
As they all cheered again, happy that Pony D. loved their town, he let them cheer on. "I mean that too! I always like to come to a city a few days earlier, sometimes a week or two for bigger cities, so I can try and hear a few stories about the town I'm in. That way, my songs can sound familiar and make it just that much more enjoyable."
"And honestly, just from the few days I've been here, I can say with the upmost sureness, that I think I have more than enough for a ton of parodies tonight." He told them all, earning another cheer from the audience.
"A little backstory before I start though," He said, wanting to ease them into the songs. He did this with every gig he went to, and it was a usual thing for him. Which of course every pony was fine with because it was interesting to say the least. And besides, it wasn't only about the songs he sang. The jokes were welcoming to hear.
"When I wanted to come here, my manager, who for a lack of a better name will be called Buzzkill, kept telling me that it wouldn't be that interesting. That random and crazy stuff happens all the time here in Ponyville." He shook his head. "And now when this is over, I just might have to send him a letter of apology."
"The second I got here, I was visited by a party-happy local who I am now proud to call my friend Pinkie Pie." One round of cheering later, followed by a certain pink pony letting loose an army of confetti, Pony D. went on. "And boy, was that the best party I've been to in months!"
"Because not only was that party fun. Not only, did that party end in a 'Cake War' which I lost horribly, by the way. But it also allowed me to meet six of her most interesting friends. And I will tell you now, the stories and friends they in turn introduced me to, are now what will fuel these next few parodies."
As he finished the small backstory, he let the fans cheer for what the main event was for. His songs. A lot of them were supposed to revolve around jokes and catchy tunes. Some of them were just meant to be enjoyed rather than hilarious, but they got stuck in the crowd's heads either way.
"One final warning that I like to give every town though because it can come off the wrong way. My songs are not meant to bully or make fun of any pony. If anything, those certain ponies are mentioned in my songs because they made an impression on me that made me feel like they deserved an honorable mention in the show. If at any time it may seem that I'm picking on any pony, let it be known that it's all in good fun. Celestia knows I've insulted myself enough in some of these songs."
With all of that said, he started to play his guitar with his hooves. Rather skilled at it to say the least.
"This takes something that isn't usually fun, math, and makes it-a joke." He told all of them, making them start laughing. Even Princess Twilight believe it or not cracked a smile at that one.
It's New Math
What'ssss a pirate minus the crew?
Well, that’s Pipsqueak on Nightmare Night.
And, Trixie plus a large angry Ursa Major?
An ironic but funny fright.
And, what’s Princess Twi in a tree?
A long and confusing log.
And, two racers with a grudge?
A pony who won with a jog.
Get's worse...
Yo~
Create a decision but make a collision
Get The Stare directly in your own field O’ vision.
Live like your data, when you're all set,
Put it all together, and whatever you get
It's New Math
It's New Math
And what's a baker’s dozen divided by six?
Well that's a friendship problem’s bliss.
And Rainbow Dash flying by and high!
Well I couldn’t see so I miss.
And the square root of the Everfree?
That’s Zecora in her tree.
How do you make the evil plan?
You let Discord, cause he’s the man.
The crowd then had a mix of emotions. Not sure whether to laugh at the joke, or be stunned that he had just praised Discord. Of course, Pony D. just shrugged it off and kept on playing. Not at all fazed by their reactions.
Whatever.
Spike, take the approximate moral letter
And help the girls learn how to handle better.
Live like your data, when you're all set,
Put it all together, and whatever you get
It's New,
It's New,
It's New,
It's New,
It's New Math
And if you took a factor tree
of the factors that caused my girl to leave me
You'd have a tree
Full of MLP.
CMC. See you later
Destructible minds make harmless fun.
What's the opposite of Pon-3?
Wait for the Cello to be done.
Yeah-Yeah-Yeah-Yeah~
Support the Apples with a pro-tractor
Link Celestia and Luna with a common fact-OR
Live like your data, and when you're all set
Put it all together and whatever you get
It's New,
It's New,
It's New,
All right, word problems, ready?
If there's a Snowflake in a pastry shop
With 20 golden bits and he's ready to buy.
In order to predict his volume change,
You'll need to know the value of Pie.
And there's a metal train that's a mile long
And at the very back end, Ditzy Doo struck her
How long will it blind and scare the night guard
Provided that she is a good inspector.
And if 30% of ponies fly.
30% just used some magic.
What are the odds that a pony chosen at random,
Spends there free time and past time to study logic
And if Twist is half as old as Button
Who is two years older than 12 year old Tiara
For how many more Winter Wrap-Ups,
will they have to stop goofing off and work outside?
Cause math can be seasonal.
Cos, having Fall is like graphing charts,
if there’s no positive ‘Y’ then it’s time to end.
And having Winter is like rounding up,
It’s something I always would recommend.
Having Summer is like math homework
I do it best when I'm with my friends
And Sick Days are just like bad fanfics
If they’re gonna end badly, just keep it to yourselves.
It's New Math.
As Pony D. concluded the song, the crowd busted out in laughter and cheers. Amazed at how well he had put all of those events into one song. So much so that most of them didn't even stop to realize that they had no idea what song he was parodying. Of course, none of that mattered to them as they kept applauding. Wanting to hear another song.
And Pony D. was never a pony who let his fans down.
