The Mane Six Play Monopoly
“So Twilight,” Applejack started slowly, unsure of what to make of the board game before them. “What is this game?”
Twilight of Sparkle shuffled the stack of cards with her hooves that apparently work like hands. “Well, this is Monopoly.” She sounded extremely stuck up and petty. “Some stallion gave it to me on the way home.”
“More like stuffed it into you face,” Rainbow Dash said incredibly loudly, almost blowing out nearby eardrums. “He pretty much told you to take it or he’d stab you.”
Fluttershy mumbled something, but no one seemed to notice or care.
Twilight of Sparklers set the deck of Community Chest cards into its respective place. “Okay, he might have held us at knife point, demanding we take the game, but otherwise he was a rather polite gentlecolt. He even said excuse when he ran over the four other fillies to run away from us.”
Each of the other ponies looked at one another weirdly and back to their purple friend.
“Darling, don’t you think this might be a bad idea?” Rarity started. “Clearly there might be something wrong with this game…” Within a single moment of blinding magic, Rarity’s mouth had disappeared completely.
“God, I hate your voice,” Twilight of Sprinkle stated plainly while looking to her friends who all nodded in agreement. Rarity gave a worried look and began slouching sadly. “Anyway, let’s start playing! I’ll be the…uh, what is this?” She held up a strange object that was shaped like two V’s placed together, but at the tip were two splitting edges.
Fluttershy mumbled the answer, but no one listened or cared.
The ponies all shrugged and Twilight of Spreadsheets exclaimed loudly, “I’ll call it a Twinkle-D!”
“Why does that sound like a porno name?” Applejack stated plainly because the author was too lazy to put any emotions in her voice but rather place a fourth wall breaking explanation as to why she had no emotions each time she spoke throughout the entire story.
Twilight of Sprucetrees stuffed a thin, rectangular box under her bed because they were playing Monopoly in her room and totally nowhere else. She giggled sheepishly and said, “Get your mind out of the gutter, Fapplejack. That’s definitely not a porno name.” There was a single second of silence prior to Twilight of Spreadlegs looked at Fluttershy and said, “What about you Sluttershy? Which piece do you want?”
Fluttershy decided not to question her unicorn friend and replied quietly, “I’ll take the shoe…if you don’t mind.”
“The bag of money? Well if you insist.”
Fluttershy replied with, “O-okay…”
“Rainbow Dash can have the thimble”—Rarity waved her hooves angrily as she watched Twilight of Sprains toss the thimble to the blue Pegasus—“Applejack can have the party hat”—Pinkie Pie, who had been unusually quiet up until that point, groaned as well—“Pinkie can have the boat and Rarity can have nothing because no one wants her to play.”
Rarity made no sound, realizing that it was futile to argue with the single most powerful non-alicorn being in Equestria.
Applejack moved everypony’s pieces to the start point. “How should we decide who goes first?”
“We should roll and see who gets the highest!” Rainbow Dash shouted into Fluttershy’s ear unintentionally. The yellow mare squeaked painfully and covered her ears. “Then we go in counter-clockwise fashion!”
“Why are you shouting!?” Big Mac screamed as he opened the door to Applejack’s bedroom door because they were playing Monopoly in Applejack’s room and totally nowhere else.
“I’m not shouting!” the blue mare started angrily. She went to the opposite side of the room where the door was and shoved her face against Big Mac’s defiantly. “This is how I talk!”
“I bet you’re a real screamer! Eeyup!”
“Wouldn’t you like to know!?”
“Eeyup!”
They then began making out in the hallway like an oddly and badly shipped pair, and Rainbow Dash kicked the door shut.
Twilight of SprintMobile raised an eyebrow at the suddenness and down at the game before them. Maybe this game really was something she should be worried about. She had never seen Rainbow Dash and Big Mac alone together for anything, yet there they went, making out in the hallway like it was some messed up fanfiction.
“Oh well,” Twilight of Sprays said nonchalantly, flicking Rainbow Dash’s piece away from the board like it was nothing. “I’ll just start the game and we’ll go counter clockwise. Agreed?” Without waiting for her friends to answer, she threw the dice out of her hooves after somehow rolling them around like they were in a cup. “Yah! Sixty-three!”
“That reads nine,” Applejack corrected. “Can you count?”
“Shut up!” Twilight of Sprockets snapped angrily, shaking the house with her rage. “Celestia never taught me what numbers were!”
Applejack remained unfazed but Fluttershy, Pinkie Pie, and Rarity shook in place. Twilight of Springtime sighed and moved her piece nine places along the board and landed on a picture of a road with numbers below it and a title that read Connecticut Avenue.
“We haven’t set out the money, Twilight,” the emotionless hick-pony stated, looking down at the floor where none of the paper money had been placed for each player’s use. She looked up at her violet friend.
“Yes, I did,” Twilight of Sprightlier replied childishly.
Applejack looked down at her hooves once again and saw neatly stacked arrangements of paper money in front of each of the ponies. Applejack merely huffed curiously. She looked up at her still terrified friends. “Pinkie Pie, it’s your turn.”
Without a second of logical writing, Pinkie Pie spit two dice out of her maw and they rolled.
“Oh, lookie there! You got an eleven!” Twilight of Springtides yelped happily, taking Pinkie’s piece and moving it over the St. Charles Place. “Would you like to buy it?”
The pink mare knew that Twilight wanted to play the game and if no one bought anything, it technically would be playing. Who knew what wrath she would bring down if no one properly played? She nodded.
“That’ll be one hundred and forty dollars, please.”
Pinkie Pie fumbled with her money until she counted out exactly 140 dollars.
“Thank you.” The unicorn handed a cyan colored card to the pink mare and looked to Fluttershy. “You’re turn.” She pushed the dice to her friend, the dice still covered in saliva. Fluttershy pushed around the dice for a moment until she was content on the amount of time she took. “Seven! You get a chance card!”
Twilight of Sprittling handed the card to Fluttershy, trying to not look at it. The yellow mare looked at it and squeaked. “Go straight to jail.”
There was a moment of awkward silence until the purple unicorn smiled. “Whatever you did, you need to face the consequences.” The unicorn placed her friend’s piece into jail zone, but no sooner did the piece touch the board, the windows smashed throughout the entire Carousel Boutique because they were playing Monopoly in Rarity’s room and totally nowhere else. Through the many smashed windows, tall figures holding metal weapons with flashlights began screaming and shouting as they hoarded around Fluttershy like a swarm of insects.
“Fluttershy Smith, you are under arrest for the murder of Philomena! You have the right to remain silent! Anything you say can and will be used against you in a court of law!”
“What’s going on!?” Fluttershy screamed fearfully, tears rolling down her eyes as she was placed in hoofcuffs and wingcuffs. “Philomena isn’t dead!”
“Tell it to the judge!” the tall, ape-like figure yelled, dragging Fluttershy out of the room still screaming with fear.
When the commotion had ended, Rarity and Pinkie Pie were left holding onto each other through Applejack, who remained completely unfazed from the ordeal.
“I wonder what that was about,” Applejack stated.
“Well, Fluttershy clearly has some things she needs to get fixed in her life,” Twilight of SprinklerSystems giggled as she pushed the dice towards Applejack. “Your turn.”
Without a moment’s hesitation, Applejack took the dice in her hooves and tossed them. They landed on seven as well. Applejack reached down and took a Chance Card. She raised an eyebrow and said, “Go to jail.”
The sound of broken windows breaking a second time shook the Carousel Boutique. Applejack immediately shot her hooves straight into the air and a swarm of black suited figures came to her and one screamed, “Applejack, you are under arrest for being the best background pony in FIM! Anything you say can and will be used against you in a court of law!”
“By the way, what are y’all? Monkeys? Apes?”
“We’re S.W.A.T. b***h!” The butt of the steel weapon slammed against Applejack’s face but she remained emotionless, even as they dragged her away.
“I deserve this, I guess,” she stated before she was taken completely out of view.
Twilight of WordsThatStartWith”Spr” smiled slyly at Pinkie Pie and Rarity. “My turn.”
She took the dice in her maw and tossed them quickly. They landed on two fours. Twilight moved her piece over to the second Community Chest and yelped in delight. She withdrew a card and raised an eyebrow fearfully.
“Go straight to jail!”
Shattered glass shattered even more as a swarm of strangely dressed figures burst into the room yet again with metal weapons and screams.
“Twilight of Spankle, you’re under arrest for being the single most overused character in fanfiction shippings! Anything you say can and will be used against you in a court of law!”
“What? I don’t even know what shipping is!”
“Shut up!” the figure screamed, slamming the butt of his gun in the side of Twilight’s head. She yelped in pain and felt the knot that had just formed on the back of her head. They began holding her down to hoofcuff her squirming body.
“I didn’t do anything!” she screamed as she was pulled away from the board game and her friends.
Then there was silence as the two remaining mares looked at the board game in front of them. They, without a moment’s hesitation, pulled the board game back into its box and threw it into Fluttershy’s fireplace because they were playing Monopoly in Fluttershy’s house and totally nowhere else.
“Let’s never speak of this to anypony. Okay?” Pinkie Pie said terrified.
Rarity nodded and attempted to speak but began swinging her arms around maniacally. She still had no mouth.
“Me too, Rarity,” Pinkie Pie said agreeing like a bad sitcom’s ending sequence. She began to awkwardly laugh as though Rarity were laughing next to her.
Rarity only waved her arms around crazily as her pink marefriend brought her in for a loose hug.
