Manehattan.
The city that never sleeps.
Not one wink.
Not ever.
No surprise, then, that most of the inhabitants were so cranky all the time.
Not that I was any different. But then, it came with the job. After all, I'm not a sugar-frosted sweets baker, I'm a P.I.
That night was especially slow. I was deciding whether to have another drink or just close up for the day when the door opened.
Damn. Now I couldn't do either.
A mare came over to my desk. You know the type. Stylish mane, purple in this case, cascading down across sterling white fur, partially covering her face. Either a model or a fashion designer. Possibly both. Most likely trouble, either way. I asked her what she wanted.
She was looking for a friend of hers. They had come together on a trip from some nowhere called Ponyville with a few other friends, and one of them had gone missing.
That's the big city, kid. Ponies disappear all the time.
But I can't be too choosy about my clients. They have bits and I have bills, so they call the shots. I asked her to describe this friend of hers.
Pink mane. Pink coat. Blue eyes for variety.
She sounded like the kind of pony who would walk right into an open storm drain, or try to go shopping in a bad neighborhood after dark.
So I had two theories about where she could've gone.
The mare said she could lead me to where she last saw her friend. I said that that was ridiculous, since she clearly wasn't there anymore.
Turns out this fashion mare has a glare that could freeze fire in its tracks. I decided that we'd follow her idea. For now.
We walked up to the fashionable part of town, near Central Station. Fashion week was just winding down, so there were a lot of noses held high.
I guess I can rule out one theory.
I did see some road work going on, on the way there, though. So the other theory was still looking plausible.
We went up to the mare's hotel room. I began to have my suspicions that this was no ordinary case.
These suspicions were confirmed when she opened the door.
Inside, four of her 'friends' were waiting for me.
A setup.
I should have seen it coming.
Before I could turn, the mare shoved me roughly into the room. Now they had me.
The tall purple one stepped forward, clearly the leader.
"Pinkie, we're worried about you. You're acting very strangely, like you aren't even yourself. What's going on?"
I backed up against the wall.
They weren't looking for their friend at all.
They were just looking for a patsy to pin the crime on!
Well it wasn't gonna be me. There was no way back to the door, so that left only the one option. The window.
"Pinkie no!"
"Stop her!"
I regained consciousness slowly. My head hurt.
A lot.
We were still in the hotel room. That was good.
I could see the crack in the window. Must've been harder than I thought.
The blue one stood over me, scowling.
She must be the gang's muscle. Her and that orange one. I didn't like the implications of being left alone with her. I asked what they wanted from me.
"We just want you to stop acting crazy, Pinkie Pie. Come back to us, please."
I wouldn't be fooled by their nonsense. I eyed the window, judging if I could get through this time.
"Don't even think about it, Pink. I'm watching you this time."
Fine. The door then, as it was foolishly unguarded.
I ran.
I ran down the hallway, down the stairs.
I ran out into the street.
I had to get away from them, before they got me. I could hear their shouts close behind. Catching up, coming closer. I had to get away.
I knew where to go.
I knew that the Detective would be angry at being awakened at this hour, but that didn't matter.
CRIME WAS AFOOT, and I had to stop it.
Unfortunately, I never made it. Coming around a corner, I found myself face to face with the orange thug. Her cowpony hat fluttered slightly in the breeze.
I heard the other pony land behind me. I was cornered now.
No choice.
No chance.
Time to fight.
"Pinkie, stop it!"
"Pinkie, it's us, it's your friends!"
I was bound - captured!
They took me back to their leader. She "knew what to do with me".
A spell.
A mind spell, erasing my memories, erasing who I was, turning me into a copy of their friend.
Making me into someone else, to cover their tracks.
Twilight Sparkle stepped back, stunned.
"Did it work, Twilight?" asked Applejack, "Do we have our Pinkie Pie back?" The worry was clear on her face. None of them knew what had happened to the happy pink pony. Pinkie Pie had just run off in the middle of the night, no explanation, and when they found her....
"YOU BLEW MY COVER!!" Pinkie Pie shouted, straining at the ropes tying her legs together.
"Twilight?" asked Rarity, noticing the princess's ashen expression, "What's wrong?"
"Well, I went to use my memory spell, to remind Pinkie Pie of who she is..." Twilight began, "But,..."
"But what?" said Rainbow Dash, impatient for this all to be over, "What, was the Pinkie Pie we knew just a fake memory and this crazy paranoid investigator Pinkie the real one or something?" Rainbow Dash rolled her eyes.
"That's... that's pretty much right." Said Twilight. "I can't recover our Pinkie's memories - because none of them are real."
They all turned back towards Pinkie.
She was gone. Across the wall, words scrawled in icing stood out, trailing off to the broken window.
"GET YOUR ASS TO MARS"
