A field of black. Strewn across it, as innumerable as the sand on a beach, stars. The stars are of all colors and sizes, reduced to pinpricks by their immense distance. Amidst this display, a starship glided along, its engines are humming a low and subtle song. Its prow extends forward, ovaline in shape. Behind this, rectangular nacelles extend on short pylons from the lower section of the ship. Its shield generator glowed soft blue. On the front of the ship, bright lights proudly display its name.
USS Voyager
NCC 74656
Inside of Voyager, on the fifth deck, a dark blue stallion was frantically walking in circles in the corridors. His face was tearstained, but he ignored any requests after his condition, walking right past a concerned security officer. His gaze was focused inward, and he was only paying enough attention to where he was going to avoid any collisions. He could feel his heart throbbing painfully, tearing itself apart with every beat. Why? Why why why why why-
“Ensign?”
He looked up from his hooves. Next to him was Voyager’s resident Talaxian, who was known as Neelix. He was walking quickly to keep pace with the stallion’s quick stride.
“Are you alright Ensign...?” Neelix asked, puffing slightly as the stallion pulled a sharp turn around corner.
When no name was forthcoming, he tried to get in front of the rapidly moving navy legs. “Is there anything I can do to help?”
After several more laps, it was too much for the stallion’s legs. He tripped, narrowly missing Neelix, who jumped out of the way.
“Ensign?!” he said, hovering overhead.
“Orion.” supplied a passing pony.
“Ensign Orion? What’s wrong?”
Orion ignored him, instead curling up on the floor and sobbing loudly. His body shook from his misery, his breaths coming in sharp gasps. He ran frustrated hooves through his grey mane. His pain became so great, he put his foreleg on his mouth. Somehow, it made its way in, and he bit down. Hard. And momentarily, the physical pain overcame the mental. He could taste the iron of his blood, but he didn’t release his hold. The pain in his heart resurged. Why?
___________________________________________
Earlier
___________________________________________
“I’m finally going to do it!” said Orion, straightening his uniform and stepping out of his quarters. “I’m going to tell the most beautiful pony in the universe that I love them!”
He walked cheerfully through the corridors, turning the familiar corners and taking a turbolift to the correct deck. Exiting, he made his way to the mess hall. Inside, crew members were still eating their lunches. He spotted his friend, Sirius, who was talking with Lieutenant Paris. They must have been talking about something funny, because Paris was laughing. Orion made his way through the tables and chairs, sidestepping Seven of Nine, who was arguing with one of the Engineering staff. Paris noticed him coming, and grinned.
“Hey,” he said, some of the laugh still audible in his voice, “Orion!”
“Hi.” said Orion, coming to a halt in front of them. He felt nervous now. “Sirius, can… can I talk to you?”
“Sure.” he said. “You just did.”
“I-I meant alone.” Sirius raised an eyebrow, but his smile remained in place.
“I’m coming.” he said, standing.
___________________________________________
“Neelix to Sickbay.” said Neelix, still standing over Orion. “Something seems to be wrong with Ensign Orion.”
“Could you be more specific?” came the Doctor’s voice from Neelix’s combadge.
Neelix looked down at Orion, who was still biting his own leg.
“Well, he’s biting his leg. It’s bleeding.”
“Did you ask why?”
“Yes, but he won’t talk to me.”
“Could someone else try?”
Neelix looked over his shoulder. One of the several watching ponies walked forward.
“Orion.” she said, leaning down next to him. “Could you tell me what’s wrong.”
Orion gave no response, other than biting harder as a strangled sob escaped his throat. Tears were continuing to pour down his muzzle.
“Orion?” Nothing.
“It’s no good, Doctor.” said Neelix. “He won’t answer.”
“Very well. Stand by, I’m on my way.”
Shortly, they were joined by the EMH, known simply as ‘Doctor’ or ‘The Doctor’. He set down his medical kit, leaning down next to Orion.
“Ensign.” he said grumpily. The Doctor wasn’t known for his fabulous bedside manner. “Would you be so kind as to tell me why you are injuring yourself?”
He had as much luck as Neelix and the mare in getting Orion to talk. He opened his kit, and removed the tricorder. He opened it, activating the medical instrument. Removing the scanner from the top, he ran it down the length of Orion’s neck. Orion ignored him, too caught up in the disabling pain. When the Doctor had finished, he returned the scanner to the Tricorder, and examined the data.
“He’s in perfect health.” he declared. “But he has heightened levels of Serotonin. I’d like to take him back to Sickbay and see if I can find anything else.”
He stood and tapped his combadge, which beeped to acknowledge its readiness.
“The Doctor to Janeway.” he said.
“This is Janeway.” said a mare’s voice over the comm, slightly distorted. “Go ahead.”
“Could you meet me in Sickbay?”
“Why?”
“I’ll inform you when you get here. It’s… personal.”
“I’m on my way.”
“What’s going on here?” asked Seven of Nine, coming around the bend in the corridor. “Why is this Ensign bleeding?”
“Seven!” said the Doctor. “Would you assist me in taking Ensign Orion here back to Sickbay?”
“Certainly.”
Seven single-hoofedly was able to lift Orion and put him across her back. He didn’t protest, but he still hadn’t removed his hoof from his teeth. Another strangled sob escaped, as a fresh wave of pain washed through him. Why?!
___________________________________________
Earlier
___________________________________________
“Yes?” asked Sirius, following Orion into the corridor.
“Over h-here.” said Orion, pulling him aside. Though nervous, a strange thrill was burning in him.
“Yes?” asked Sirius again, his curiosity clearly aroused.
“I w-wanted to tell you… I… um…”
“What?” Sirius leaned forward.
“I think you’re an amazing friend…”
“Thanks. But you could’ve told me in there.”
“But t-that’s not all. I… I…” Orion was choking on the word, it was so big. “I-I…”
“I-I…” said Orion, stuttering. He took a deep breath. “I love you.”
Sirius stared at him, shocked. Then his expression changed to a nervous smile.
“Y-you’re kidding…” he said. “R-right?”
Orion didn’t answer, just staring at him. Sirius’s expression changed again, this time to one of anger and disgust.
“That’s just wrong.” he said. “I never thought…”
He shook his head, stepping away. Then he turned and left, leaving Orion’s heart to shatter.
___________________________________________
“Thank you for coming Captain.” said the Doctor.
“You said it was personal?” said Janeway, walking into Sickbay, followed by a tall stallion. The door closed behind her.
“Not for me.” he said. “A member of the crew.”
“Who is it?” asked the stallion.
“His name is Orion.”
“Orion?” said Janeway, looking up slightly at her companion. “Doesn’t ring any bells. What about you, Chakotay?”
“Yes.” said Chakotay. “He’s from stellar cartography. Voyager’s his first assignment.”
The Doctor led them into his office. Using his display, he brought up all records available on Orion.
“Interesting. Your previous first officer noted that he planned on recommending him for the Enterprise.”
“That’s certainly impressive.” said Janeway. “But hardly relevant. Doctor, why was he brought to Sickbay?”
“He injured himself.”
“In what way?” she asked, concerned. As Captain, she was inclined to feel personally responsible for all of the crew. And with their being stuck in the Delta Quadrant, so far from the Federation, even more so than usual.
“He bit himself hard enough to draw blood.” said the Doctor. “Would you like to see him?”
“Yes please.”
They followed the Doctor out of his office, over to one of the bio-beds. Orion was lying on his side, his jaws still latched firmly onto his leg. His mind was in turmoil, as confused and anguished thoughts wound through his head.
Why can’t he love me? Why? So what if I’m a stallion, I still feel this way!
“Ensign?” said Janeway, putting a hoof on his shoulder. “Would you please stop hurting yourself?”
After a moment, Orion released his hold on his own leg.
“All you had to do was ask nicely.” he said, his voice made bitter by his pain.
“Really!” said the Doctor, annoyance evident. “I’ll be sure to make a note of that!”
“Please do.” murmured Orion, clutching his bloody leg against himself. The Doctor stalked away, and Janeway watched him go.
“Orion.” she said kindly. “Would you please tell me why you did this? Neelix said you were walking the halls like there was a hull breach behind you.”
“I had to keep moving.” he said quietly. “It hurt so much.”
“What does?” she asked, sitting on the end of the bio-bed.
“I c-can’t.” he said, a hint of a choking sob audible as he spoke. “It still hurts.”
Janeway looked over at her companion, who stepped forward.
“Orion,” he said, “we can’t help you if you won’t tell us what… hurts.”
Orion remained silent, the pain within him building ever higher.
Why can’t he love me? Would it be different if I wasn’t a stallion? Would he love me then?
Janeway stood, going back to the Doctor’s office. The Doctor was messing around with hyposprays.
“Who was the last one he talked to?” she asked. “They might know what’s going on.”
“I have no idea.” he said, not looking up from his work. “Why don’t you ask around?”
“Fine.” she said, leaving. She motioned for the stallion to follow her, and they exited Sickbay.
___________________________________________
She returned shortly, armed with a wealth of new information. She walked slowly up to Orion, newfound sympathy gentling her steps and voice.
“Orion.” she said softly, walking to where he would have to look at her. “Did you tell Ensign Sirius that you love him?”
He choked out a sob. Then slowly, he nodded.
“Why?” she asked, her innate curiosity kicking in. “Did you mean it?”
“Of course I meant it.” he said, his voice full of loneliness and longing. “Why would I say that if I didn’t mean it?”
“How long have you felt this way about him?”
“I-I’m not sure. Definitely since b-before Voyager ended up in the Delta Quadrant.”
“I see.” She sat down, and put a hoof on his shoulder. “I’m sorry, and I know it hurts. But there are plenty of mares…” She coughed. “And stallions on Voyager.”
“I-I know.” he said. “But… if my best friend w-won’t… c-can’t… who will?”
“I don’t know.” she said. “That’s part of the great mystery of love. Even now, with all of our technology, it confounds and defies any attempt to explain it.”
He nodded, feeling a bit calmer. “But… I still love him. And it hurts so much, knowing… knowing that your love can’t be returned.”
“I know.” she said, appearing lost in memory. “But… someday… you’ll find it won’t be quite as painful. It’ll always hurt, but you’ll be able to move on.”
He sniffed, and lifted his bloody leg. “Now what?”
“We clean you up, and you’re free for the day.”
“But I haven’t done my shift.”
“I think… you need a little time.”
He smiled. “Thank you, Captain.”
She got up, and turned to leave. “Um… Captain?”
“Yes?” she said, turning back to face him. He was smiling hopefully.
“Would… would you like to have dinner with me?” he asked. “If y-you’re free, that is.”
“I’d like that.” she said. “You’re an interesting pony, Orion. And just so you know…”
She stepped a bit closer. “My last first officer planned on recommending you for the Enterprise.”
“Really?” he said, looking happier than he had the whole time she’d seen him. “The Enterprise?”
“Yes.” she said, turning back to the exit. “See you at 1800 hours, my quarters.”
“Yes Captain.” he said. “I’ll be there. Thank you.”
She walked outside, joining Seven of Nine and the stallion. She nodded, and they started walking for the bridge.
“How is he?” asked Chakotay.
“He’s meeting me at my quarters for dinner.” she said, surprising the other two (or, at least, Chakotay). “I wonder though…”
“Yes?”
“Did Ensign Sirius mention how long he’d known Orion?”
“He said it was nearly… four years.”
“That’s a lot of time for Orion to have developed… affection for him.” noted Seven. “That could explain why his reaction was so…”
“Intense?” suggested Chakotay. “Extreme?”
“Yes.”
“Well.” said Janeway, stopping at the turn to her quarters. “I seem to have a dinner to prepare for.”
“Captain.” said Seven. She and Chakotay left for the bridge, and Janeway returned to her quarters.
___________________________________________
Orion was still hurting, but his stabbing pain had reduced to a dull ache. Dinner with the Captain? And she’d said yes? He smiled slightly, wincing as the Doctor cleaned out the deep cuts he’d given himself.
This was going to be an interesting night.
