Bored God

by Dubious

Rating: teen
Tags: My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Comedy, Human, Anthro, Main 6
Length: 1166

An almighty being gets bored and decides to mess with Equestria for a while.

The Unnameable One has been around since the third dawn of time, and has grown increasingly bored over the eternities, upon catching wind of a tv show from another dimension, he decides to travel there and wreck shit. This is a story of how he wrecked the shit of everypony in Ponyville.

Published 2014-01-09 17:20:05 UTC
Last updated 2014-01-09 17:20:05 UTC

Don't be afraid, your shit will be wrecked soon.

The Courts of Raxibald Thirty Seven, The Trial of Fred Mckillurface.

"... I hereby find one Fred Mckillurface to be guilty of thirty seven quintillion counts of murder, twenty seperate counts of causing space faring species to go exitinct, including the Energites, how you managed to kill a race of immortals is beyond me, and a recorded total of ninety three trillion hours of loitering outside one thousand and six seperate bars... *Sigh* Simultaneously. This court hereby sentences you to-" The Judge said before rudely being cut off.

"Bored now, Imma go wreck the Ponies shit. Chaio." Fred Mckillurface said before vanishing in a corona of energy. Shortly afterwards quickly reappearing. "Forgot my wallet, also my name isn't Fred Mckillurface, it's-" And no more was heard, for at the mere utterance of his name, the universe cancelled sound.

Meanwhile, in Equestria.

"Ah, what a lovely morning to awake to the sound of ponies screaming in terror and the smell of burning wood... Another monster is attacking Ponyville, isn't it, Spike?" Twilight Sparkle said as she awoke from her slumber, having quickly deduced the situation. Just as she was getting up, she heard a booming voice shout.

"I am Lord Emperor Primo Ratione Mali, and you will fear me, and cower before my greatness!" The voice boomed, shaking the whole town in the process.

"I'll send Celestia a letter." Spike groaned as he walked in with a tray laden with eggs, oatmeal, and orange juice.

"Thanks, Spike, I'll be sure to give you extra chores today as a reward. I just know how much you love doing everything that I am perfectly capable of doing myself." Twilight said with a smile as she levitated the tray over to herself, completely missing Spike grumbling something about where she can stick her chores.

"I SUMMON THE SO CALLED ELEMENTS OF HARMONY TO FACE ME IN MORTAL COMBAT! SHOULD THEY NOT APPEAR WITHIN' THE HOUR, I WILL RAISE THE TOWN!!!!" Lord Emperor Primo Ratione Mali bellowed at the top of his lungs.

"CAN I AT LEAST FINISH MY BUCKING BREAKFAST FIRST!" Twilight shouted back with just as much volume.

"Okay!" Was her only reply.

Thirty minutes later Twilight and the rest of the Mane Six were assembled in front of townhall, ready to battle to the death with this strange creature claiming to be a Lord Emperor, standing at over twelve feet tall, wearing black armor with glowing red trims, covered in barbed spikes, and wearing a helmet carved in the shape of a strange skull covered in horns and causing it's eyes to glow a bright red.

"Greeting, I am Lord Emperor Primo Ratione Mali, and I shall now destroy you, prepare for-"

"MORTAL KOMBAAAAAAAT!!!!!!" A sudden voice boomed from everywhere at once and strange music began playing.

"That doesn't sound good." Applejack surmised from her position in the formation.

"That's not me." LE PRM said, holding his spike covered hands up in innocence.

'I SAID MORTAL FUCKING KOMBAT, FIGHT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" The omnipresent voice shouted again.

"Okay, okay." Rainbow Dash said, immediately charging LE PRM, instantly getting thrown into a wall and knocked unconscious.

"Next?"

"RAAAAGHH!" Applejack shouted as charged, before smacking into a pole and rendering herself unconscious as LE PRM sidestepped her attack.

"You're not even trying." LE PRM taunted, earning him a gem to the face from Rarity, which was quickly reciprocated with Applejacks unconscious form to the everything. Seeing this, Fluttershy gave LE PRM The Star, only to be blinded by the glare from his armor and temporarily going blind. Laughing maniacally, LE PRM began to mockingly walk forwards, dodging a barrage of muffins and cupcakes launched at him by Pinkie Pie. Upon reaching a Cowering Twilight Sparkle, he delivered a swift kick to her head, knocking her out instantly and leaving a nasty Bruise. Rounding on his final opponent, he saw a strange being leaning on a post next to her and eating a hotdog.

"I got hungry." Was all the explanation the being gave as it continued eating its hotdog.

"R-right," Said a disheartened LE PRM, "I will deal with you after the pink one!" He said before throwing a spike at Pinkie's mane, causing it to deflate and Pinkie to begin grinning creepily. "Your turn now, strange creature."

"Bored now, Imma blow up that mountain now." The being said, before pointing at a then exploding mountain in the distance. "That's much better, now what were you saying?" The being asked, after displaying immense magical powers.

"N-n-nothing! Nothing at all, oh great and powerful one!" LE PRM said, quickly grovelling at the much superior beings feet.

"Why are you grovelling? Imma still wreck your shit just as much as all the other ponies."

"But, sir, I am not a pony."

"You are now." The being said, flicking its strange appendages, and suddenly LE PRM turned into a red and black alicorn with bat-like wings, and horns.

"W-what did you do to me?!" LE PRM demanded.

"I made you a pony, now fly little pony! Fly into the sun!"

"But, I can't do tha-" SUddenly LE PRM was launched at super luminal speeds towards the sun.

"That's better, who's hungry?" The being said, having dispatched the clearly infinitely powerful villain attacking Ponyville.

"I am!" Pinkie suddenly shouted.

"Good, coz I'm in the mood for Interoz berry pie, you got that here?"

"What's an interoz berry?" Asked a now regaining consciousness Applejack.

"It's not an interoz berry, it's an Interoz berry." The being corrected her.

"What's the difference?" Asked Pinkie obliviously.

"One is a lower case i, and the other is a lower case L."

"Uh, okay? What yer name anyway stranger?"

"I go by many, my favourites being: Progenitor, The Creator, Infinity, and Klaatu the Destroyer of Worlds."

"That last one doesn't sound like a trustworthy title..." A now conscious Rainbow Dash said.

"I'll have you know, that is my Gamertag, and nickname on all the sites I'm a member of." The being now referred too as Klaatu harrumphed.

"I'm truly sorry if Rainbow Dash offended you, darling. Perhaps you would let me make you a nice dress as an apology on her behalf... Where'd it go?" Rarity asked.

"I'm a dude." Klaatu said, before being surrounded by squares of light." Now I'm a chick, lets get wasted!" S/he said before jetting off too the nearest bar whilst pointing at a random town in the distance and yelling meteorite, which caused the aforementioned celestial objects to violently impact the town.

"I can see where it got the name Destroyer of Worlds from." Twilight whispered to Applejack.

"I heard that!" Klaatu shouted from across town.

"I should've stayed in bed today." Twilight groaned as she facehooved.

Author's Note

Don't expect this to be any modicum of good, I was having like ten simultaneous conversations and listening to K-pop, whilst voice chatting with a guy I know who draws r34 and a hermaphrodite.