Les Cousines Dangeureuses

by Infinite Evil

Rating: everyone
Tags: Rarity, Random, Pinkie Pie, Slice of Life, Applejack, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic
Length: 1769

Pinkie Pie and Applejack go to see a movie about incestuous cousins. It goes as well as you'd expect.

Applejack decides that she should spend more time with Pinkie Pie, now that it's determined that she is her cousin. So what do cousins do together? Why, they go to the movies! However, Applejack chose quite an interesting movie for them to watch.

Credit for the image goes to kyubbi90. His mastery with photoshop will never be matched.

I'd also like to once again thank kyubbi90 for taking the time to preread this thing I wrote.

Published 2014-01-10 10:40:02 UTC
Last updated 2014-01-10 10:40:02 UTC

Don't mess with these cousins

“Hello ma’am. How can I help you today?”

“I’d like two tickets to um,” Applejack hesitated as she tried to read the name of the movie. “Lees Cou-sines Danger-ex?”

The ticket vendor behind the glass only looked at Applejack with a look of confusion.

“I’m sorry miss, I didn’t quite get that. What movie were you asking for?” The ticket vendor asked.

Applejack was about to try and pronounce the name of the movie again when Pinkie pushed her aside and said, “She meant to say that she wants two tickets to Les Cousins Dangereux.”

“Oh. At what time?”

Pinkie turned to Applejack. “What time did we want to go to see the movie again?”

“The showtime is supposed to be at 7:30,” she responded.

Pinkie turned back to the ticket vendor. “Two tickets to Les Cousins Dangereux at 7:30 please,” Pinkie asked.

The ticket vendor looked to her computer and said, “That’ll be 30 bits please.”

Applejack pulled out a bag full of bits that she was holding and gave it to the ticket vendor. The ticket vendor opened the bag and after thoroughly checking its contents, printed out two tickets and gave them to the two earth ponies in front of her.

“Have a great show.”

Applejack took the two tickets and ripped the second ticket apart, giving it to Pinkie, and then they both started walking toward the entrance of the theatre.

“Thanks Pinkie. Ah had no idea how to say those fancy, shmancy words in the title.”

“No problem. I’m fluent in multiple languages so it was a piece of cake for me.”

Applejack was a bit surprised at this discovery. “Really?”

“Yeah. Sometimes, whenever someone new comes into Ponyville, they don’t speak our language. If they can’t speak our language, then they can’t communicate with us. If they can’t communicate with us, then they can’t enjoy themselves if I throw them a party. I don’t want anyone to not enjoy themselves when I throw them a party,” Pinkie’s mane deflated slightly, “So I took it upon myself to make sure that I can communicate with them so they can fully enjoy my parties!” Pinkie finished saying ecstatically. Applejack saw that Pinkie’s mane returned back to full poofiness.

“Huh. Guess Ah’m finally learnin’ more about you and it only took us to be cousins for me to find that out,” Applejack said.

Pinkie put a forearm around Applejack’s neck and brought her in closer. “You could have just asked me silly,” Pinkie said.

Applejack grabbed Pinkie’s arm and tossed it off her. “Ah guess yer right. But hey, now we have even more reason to hang out together!”

Pinkie started bouncing up and down ecstatically. “You’re right! Don’t worry Applejack, I’ll be the best cousin ever!” Pinkie exclaimed.

Applejack let out a small chuckle. “Alrighty then. Come on, we have to get to the movie.”

With this, Pinkie stopped bouncing up and down, or at least started bouncing a bit less and followed Applejack into the theatre. Once inside, both ponies gave their tickets to the ticket taker and then continued on their way.

“Hey Pinkie, why don’t you go save us some seats while Ah go get us some popcorn?”

“Okie dokie loki!” was Pinkie’s response.

“What kind of soda do you want?”

Pinkie thought for a bit before saying, “Root beer.”

“Alrighty then.” Then Applejack went in line while Pinkie went to go save some seats. After finally getting the snacks, Applejack carried the tub of popcorn and two large drinks into the room the movie was playing in. Applejack saw Pinkie near the top of the seats.

After giving Pinkie her drink and getting comfortable in her seat, Applejack looked around and saw that for the most part, the theatre room was mostly empty. The only other ponies she saw in there with them were an elderly mare with a middle aged stallion with some glasses, a small group of stallions and a young stallion with a young mare sitting next to him, probably his date.

The theatre started getting dark and all the thing played for you to remain quiet while the movie was playing.

“Ah get it. Be quiet. I understand this! You don’t have to tell me that for five minutes!” Applejack whispered.

Pinkie turned her head to face Applejack. “What are you complaining about?” Pinkie asked.

Applejack whispered, “Ah’m complaining about the fact that apparently the ponies who run the theatre have to tell us to be quiet like we’re five year olds!”

“The only reason they do that is because there are some who aren’t quiet during movies and if they think that politely asking us to be quiet works, then so be it.”

Applejack shushed Pinkie as soon as she finished her statement. “Not now Pinkie. The trailers are startin’.”

“...well, all the guys in my barbershop quartet are dead, so no.”

Applejack moved her head towards Pinkie’s ear. “Hey Pinkie.”

Pinkie turned her attention towards Applejack.

“Yes?”

Applejack whispered into Pinkie’s ear. “Twilight told me about this movie. She went on for about 20 minutes about how the secret organization in that universe is useless.”

“Really? How so?”

“Apparently, when one of their top operatives got attacked by terrorists, they didn’t do squat.”

“Terrorists? Really?”

“Not just terrorists neither. The movie after that one followed another one of them heroes, but this time, aliens attacked the Crystal Empire near the end of the movie.”

Pinkie showed a puzzled expression. “And they still didn’t do anything?!”

“Apparently not. Whew, Ah tell you, Twilight could not stop ranting about that part.”

“This isn’t freedom. This is fear.”

“Glad I wasn’t there. I like Twilight and all, but sometimes she can be a bit much at times.”

Applejack paused for a second. “If Ah’m completely honest, Ah agree with ya.”

The title screen read ‘Captain Equestria: The Crystal Soldier’.

Applejack returned to her normal seated position and decided to start snacking on the large tub of popcorn. She had it nudged between both her’s and Pinkie’s seats so both of them could access the popcorn with ease. Several more trailers later, the movie finally started to actually begin, as indicated by the dimming of even more lights.

Pinkie turned to Applejack and whispered into her ear, “Hey Applejack, do you have any idea what this movie is about?”

Applejack responded in a whisper, “Not really. Rarity recommended it to me and said it was about cousins and their relationship.”

“Oooh. Sounds like fun. I’m sure I’ll enjoy it as you will too,” Pinkie brought Applejack into a side hug, “huh cousin?”

This time, Applejack decided not to fight the hug. “Ah’m sure of it too Pinkie.”

TWO HOURS LATER

Applejack and Pinkie stepped out of the the theatre, both with slightly confused and unsettled looks on their faces.

“Well, um…” Applejack struggled on what to say next. “That was um, quite a film. Don’t you agree Pinkie?”

Pinkie was just as unfazed as Applejack. “Yeah. An interesting film.” Pinkie turned to Applejack, “Hey Applejack.”

“Yeah Pinkie?”

“Who did you say recommended the movie to you again?” Pinkie asked.

Applejack tried to remember who had told her about the movie to begin with. “If Ah recall, Ah think it was Rarity that told me about it.”

“Oh.”

About a minute of silence occurred before either one of them said a word.

“Applejack.”

“Yeah Pinkie?”
“I think that maybe we should tell Rarity about what we thought of the movie.”

“You know Pinkie, that sounds like a great idea. Let’s tell her of what we thought of the movie.”

And with that, both ponies raced from the movie theatre to the Carousel Boutique at a speed that challenged even Rainbow Dash.

Upon arriving, both ponies knocked ravagely on the door to the boutique. The pony inside responded in way that showed that she was not amused.

“Hold on! I’m going to the door!” was what both ponies heard. The door opened, Rarity opening it. “What do you ruffians,” Rarity saw that it was both Pinkie and Applejack that were knocking on the door. “Oh. Hello girls. How are you?” Rarity asked.

Applejack and Pinkie didn’t have unsettled faces anymore. In fact, their faces were ones of unhappy expression and if they tried hard enough, they could make other ponies feel unsettled around them.

“We’re fine Rarity, thanks for asking,” Applejack said.

“That’s good to hear,” Rarity said. “Well, if you want to come on in, you may. I wasn’t going to really do much today and in fact, your company has made my day better already.”

Rarity took a step back as if to let her friends in, but Pinkie said, “Actually Rarity, we only came here to ask you something.”

Rarity returned back to where she was standing previously. “Really? What is it that you wanted to tell me then? It must be important since you were knocking on the door so loudly.”

Applejack decided to speak. “Ya know that movie that ya recommended to me?”

Rarity thought for a second. “Oh, you mean Les Cousins Dangereux?”

“Yeah, that one,” Applejack said.

“What about it?” Rarity asked.

“Um, well, see the thing is…” Applejack hesitated to continue her sentence. “The thing is…”

“What is wrong with you?”

Rarity was a bit confused at Pinkie’s statement. “I’m sorry, what?”

Pinkie got closer into Rarity’s face. “I said what is wrong with you? You send me and Applejack to go see a movie about incestuous cousins when you fully know that me and Applejack are in fact cousins. Explain that!” Pinkie pointed a hoof judgingly towards Rarity.

Rarity hesitated to respond. “Um, well, see the thing is darling that…”

Rarity immediately slammed the door shut in front of Pinkie’s face. Pinkie could hear multiple locks being turned and saw that the window curtains were closed.

Pinkie turned towards Applejack.

“Well, I guess that’s our answer.”

Applejack looked at Pinkie.

“We can’t just let her get away with this!” Applejack proclaimed.

Pinkie responded, “But what can we do? There’s not much we can do at the moment. She has herself locked up tight in her house.”

“She has to come out eventually. In the meanwhile, why don’t we go watch another movie and try to get the last one out of our heads?” Applejack suggested.

“That’s sounds like a good idea,” agreed Pinkie. And so both cousins went off to see another movie.

Several days later, Rarity found Opal tied to the ceiling with a message.

Don’t screw with the Apple family.

Love, Pinkie and Applejack