Alucard in Equestria (Abridged version)

by EquestrianDovahkin

Rating: mature
Tags: Comedy, Random, Adventure, Derpy Hooves, Crossover, Sex, Twilight Sparkle, Main 6, Gore, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Dark, Alternate Universe, Other, Princess Luna
Length: 1803

Take a bunch of magical ponies, a couple hundred Nazi vampires and a no-life King and what do you get? (based on The Hellsing Abridged Series)

So...
A couple nutty nazis found out that there's an dimension of indefinite magical energy.
Oh, and also magical equines.
So they build a portal and go there.
And a Insane No-life King, with an uncomprehendable sexaul preference might I add.
Follows them.
Oh, yeah and... What's her face..? Ummm, police girl? Whatever.
And it ends with everyone being friends and skipping though fields of flowers...
And by flowers I mean corpses and blood and by friendship...
I mean hate, a lust for blood and the sharing of love...
I mean bullets.
Enjoy

A\N this is based on the Hellsing abridged anime...
And I wrote this just cause I got the idea and said "buck it".

Published 2014-01-10 03:30:02 UTC
Last updated 2014-01-11 22:00:33 UTC

vampires, Nazis and Ponies? Why not!

Author's Note

This isn't my first its just the first on my new account...
Also this fanfic will make no sense if you have not seen Hellsing abridged.
Oh, yeah hope you enjoy :)
Also I'll probably write more if it gets a good response.

vampires, Nazis and Ponies? Why not!

"My Führer, ze portal has been finished" said a skinny yet tall fellow with glasses and long dirty blonde hair.
”Excellent, with all zis (this) power we shall be unstoppable... And we can kill Alucard!" Shouted a stubby dark haired man in white uniform.

HELLSING HEADQUARTERS in god knows where Britain.

"Alucard you blood sucking piece of shit!" A creamy blonde haired woman shouted as she slammed her hands on a wooden desk denting it lightly.
"Oh, why hello too"
"HOW? TELL ME HOW!?"
"How? Well you see if a mommy and a daddy love each other they get a camera and..."
"You moronic fool" she said adjusting her glasses with her index finger.
"OK, I'm starting to feel I did something wrong here"He smirked.
"7.5 million British pounds in collateral"
"Well, ok I guess I got a bit carried away. But majority wise it was that god ugly vampire creep who pilled up what looked like what? I don't know? maybe... 80-100 pounds of c4 and maybe 20 gallons of gasoline in the banquet hall..."he said with a childish grin.
"Alucard if you didn't already know. WHEN BULLETS HIT GAS IT EXPLODES!!!"
"OK! But who knew they would just go through him like that!"
She sighed "Alucard".
"Yes?"
"As much as I would love to bask in the splendor of this conversation"
"Oh, I'm simply flattered"
"We obtained reports that a group of Nazis have been buying some rather interesting materials."
"So, I should go and investigate?"
The women gave a rather quizzical look.
"Sorry did I say investigate? I meant kill. Too-da-loo!"
And with that he was gone.

Equestria.

"Good morning Mr. Cake"
"Why, good morning to you too Twilight Sparkle. What will it be for today?" He said cheerfully as the purple alicorn walked through the door.
"Well I was hoping you had two bakers dozen of red velvet cupcakes for me and my friends?"
"Why, of course I do Twilight. That'll be 24 bits" as he handed her the box.
"Here you are, have a nice day" she smiled as she handed him a pouch and left.

Twilight noticed as she was walking the way to the castle of the two sisters that a series of sound ands flashes as she neared the castle.
She had at first suspected it to be Rarity's magic but the closer she got to the castle the more horrid and terrifying the noises got.
Until she neared the front door step all the somewhat loud bangs and the other horrid noises ceased.
Twilight slowly opened the grand doors peaking her head through.
"Hello? Rainbow Dash? Rarity? Pinkie? AJ? Fluttershy?".
She paused, she then slowly started traversing the halls.

After what seemed like 20 minutes of wandering around the castle she heard voices.
But to her dismay they where not the voices of her great Equine friends, instead the voices seemed masculine and had a strong accent which she could not identify at the moment.
She began wandering closer and closer to the direction of the voices origin.
As she approached a corner she stopped due to the fact she could here the voices almost in front of her.
"Where are they?"
"Well, when you see one kill it, these creatures are useless"
"Understood sir".

This was truly relieving and frightening because she knew that her friends where safe but possibly not for long...
All she knew was that she had to find them first, it was her duty anyways as their friend and as a princess.
As she wandered back she felt her hoof press down on something, before she was able to scream she fell about 12 feet before hitting the ground.
"Ouch" she squeaked.
"Twilight is that you?" Asked a familiar voice.
Twilight slowly raised her head which was flat on the ground to be smiled upon none other than Rarity.
"Rarity? Its me. Are you ok?"
"Could be far better, darling"
"Have you heard what's upstairs?"
"Heard it? We felt it first hand..." Rarity's eyes began to water as her horn glowed its usual blue hue.
At first Twilight didn't want to believe her eyes as the blueish hue enveloped Rarity's glamorous mane and pulled it back to reveal a series of scratches and bruises.
"Rarity... I'm so sorry. If I didn't leave... This would have never happened" Twilight sniffles as her eyes began to water up.
Rarity put her hoof on Twilight's shoulder"there would have been nothing that you could have done. You would have been hurt also and we need somepony who isn't injured like us anyway..."
"Rarity? Speaking of us... Where's everypony else?"

As they walked though the underground catacombs of the old castle, Rarity explained that it was best to split up into groups and how she had decided to go alone and look for Twilight.
"I am the only one with magic anyway"
"Thanks Rarity, but how do we know where the others are?"
"Well,we all decided to meet at Zecora's if we found a way out. Since we are so close to the ever free forest."
"Rarity look!" Twilight raised her hoof and Rarity's head soon followed.
"Why look you found a way out Twilight!"

But this moment was short lived. As two tall bipeds dressed in Grey with hellish red eyes looked upon them.
"Why look at what we have here?"
"Yes, if it is not ze(the) equines who escaped..."
"Hmm, I am rather still quite hungry" he said opening his mouth to reveal a series of sharp bloody fangs with the other do so too.
Twilight and Rarity both shut there eyes to maybe awake from this nightmare... but they did not.
Eyes still closed they heared nothing but the wind and footsteps.
Two loud bangs followed and two little clinks on the ground.

Rarity and Twilight opened thier eyes to find the two bipeds still standing but with one difference... No head. So after the two of the bodies fell to their knees and then hitting the ground hard, releasing a mixture of blood and maggots.
Twilight and Rarity still stood motionless, staring at the two headless bodies was more then traumatizing.
As they slowly raised their heads two things became apparent to them.
1: it was night.
2: there was a tall far more terrifying man with red eyes and a crimson coat and hat.
He simply said looking at the two bodies" I think that blew their minds, don't you?"
After all that the two equines could barely breath...
And they collapsed.
A/N so two unconscious ponies in front of a blood sucking vampire... Well nothing seems wrong or potentially dangerous here. :3

Alucard makes friends (no he doesn't)

Twilight awoke to the crimson cloaked man standing above her.
she looked at her surroundings and figured out three things...
1: she was still in the Everfree forest.
2:she and Rarity were both still alive.
3:and the tall scary guy was smiling at her with a short blonde red eyed girl with a velvet uniform and a large case on her back behind him.

"Oh, great your alive... Because I was soooo not hungry!"
"Stay away from me! Or else... Or else I'll..!"
"Or else you'll shoot me with that magical horn?"
"Yeah... I mean...YES!!! Just go!"
"Ok... How about no. I honestly doubt that thing even works, cause the only magical horn I've ever seen was during Magic Mike."
"What?!"
"Oh... Right, my name is Alucard. I kill monsters with guns... And this is police girl, she's a pussy, so she uses a sniper. What is your name?
"Well, my name is Twilight Sparkle and I'm a princess."
"Wow, you literally lost me right there when you said you were a stuck up bitch"
"Excuse me?"
"See? I told ya!"
"Ok, nevermind for now but how is Rarity?"
"Oh, she's fine... She may have passed out a again after she saw my coat and hat..."
"..."
"Oh, by the way I may have read your mind while you were out. So I know she's a fashionista or as I like to call them... The devil hims-herself? Whatever!
"Well, ok then..."

Alucard then turned and began walking.
"Where are you going?"
"Well, isn't it obvious?" He smiled
"...no!"
"Wow! Way to ruin the moment, well if you must know I plan of killing Nazis. Too-da-loo!"
"...what?.."
And with that Alucard and police girl where gone into thin air

Soon after Rarity awoke and Twilight explained everything.
Rarity passed out and had too be carried to Zecora's by Twilight.

Author's Note

So yeah, probably have chapter 3 out Friday or Saturday...
Also pls don't get pissy about this chapter it was purposed for comedic relief and introducing people or ponies...
Whatever!

Fat Nazi bastard! Are you back?

After mere minutes of leaving the unicorn and stuck-up bitch, Alucard and police girl where in front of the castle...
What followed was a series of screams, cries, splashes of blood and dead Nazis(what did you think?)

"Oh, I sure am glad we're all safe!" Stated Rarity.
"But what about the man that saved you two?" Asked Fluttershy.
"Saved us? He was seconds away from killing me!" Everyone gave a rather quizzical look towards Rarity.
"Twilight, didn't you see that god awful cape of his? Velvet, I would understand but crimson? How dare he!?"
"Rarity, he still did stop those two monster things. I guess we are indebted to him somehow..."
"Tell me more about what happened to the two monster things!" Shouted a Rainbow colored Pegasus.
"Really? Rainbow Dash?"
"Well yeah! Its sound super awesome! like how did their heads explode? Or what made their heads explode?"
"Rainbow, they were still people and deserved to... well... not die and get their heads blown off!" exclaimed Twilight.
" Fine, whatever... bitch" she mumbled.

"Ahh, fat Nazi bastard we meet once again"
"Oh, why isn't it ze legendary pain my ass; Alucard"
"Oh shutup won't you? we all know your a shitty ass German robot... Probably made by BMW at that..."
"BMW is a excellent German company!"
"bla bla, save it for your mother"
"leave my mother out of this"
"make me!"
"Kill me already!"
"Wow, your predecessor was at least a fun Nazi..."
"well....."
"Kaboom, now your dead."

*knock-knock*
"police girl"
"yes?"
"won't you be a dear, and answer the GODDAMN door?"

Author's Note

I gave up on this...
I couldn't find enough stuff so expect chapter 4 to be out tomorrow or something...