How this is going to work
Hello, this is Discord speaking. I am here to tell you what really went down (See what I did there?) when Luna decided to go insane. Now some of you may be wondering 'But Discord, you were trapped in stone. How could you have possibly known what happened?'. Well, puny mortal, gods cannot be contained by something as simple as stone. In fact, I retained my two greatest powers, that of observation and of self-confidence. Now, some of you may be wondering 'But Discord, even if your senses still worked, trapped in one place you still couldn't have known what was happening, so why are you saying you did know?'. Being limited to two powers, I was able to channel almost all of my energy into observation, and allowing me to see, hear, smell, feel, and taste whatever I wished. And others may be wondering 'But Discord, what does self-confidence do for you at all?'. For those you ask this question, I recommend getting a self-help book or even seeing a therapist. Self-confidence is massively useful. For those of you who thought both of these questions, I recommend to stop being nit-pickers. If I wasn't such a good author and was able to avoid every possible nitpick there was, you would be immensely disappointed and disappointment is a bad feeling. And by the way, there are a multitude of cliffhangers in this. A convenient list is added at the bottom.
Other questions you may have are who, what, where, when, why and how I am doing this. These are very important, and if I didn't answer these for you, then most of this story, if not all, would still make sense. Those first two questions are reserved for the readers who aren't the bluest chickens in the henhouse, since it is fairly clear that I, Discord, am writing this and that this is a recollection of the darkest time in Equestrian history (due to it being eternal night and all). But I suppose I must clarify for you that I may be receiving some advice on the exact wording of my recounting from Twilight (Yes, Sparkle). Although I think I have a right as the God of Chaos to occasionally disobey the rules of spelling and grammar, but according to her that the Equestrian language is something very important and I cannot just mess with it whenever I want. Even if I promised to change every book, scroll, and note-to-self to fit my new laws, she wouldn't agree. Apparently it would cause 'too much chaos in the publishing world' (why do you think I wanted to change everything?) and that it would break almost every rule in the Chaos vs Order Treaty (One of those things that are thing explained in-story.) Unfortunately, I cannot go into any more detail on 'what' or else I'd spoil a lot of stuff for you.
Now, you may be wondering just where I am writing this from. I had many ideas on my working location, but there was only one that truly worked. For you see, to write such an epic saga as I am, I have a very complicated list of criteria that must be upheld to the letter. Because I am just such a nice guy, I am going to give you this list so you can figure out where to write your next story. Just call me the Element of Generosity. Number 1 is that the location must absolutely have no more than three light bulbs, but no less then negative ten light bulbs. The second criteria is that chickens can breed somewhere within the immediate vicinity, in case of an emergency. And the last criteria is that it can be wherever I am when I feel like recording my thoughts and the other two criteria don't count. Fun Fact: I came up with this list while watching Celestia and Luna fight the most epic battle ever experienced in the history of Equestria.
When I am writing this is very simple. I am writing this right now. When I am writing this compared to when you are reading this is a whole different question, and not one I feel obligated to answer.
Now, down to the big question. Why I am writing this. It is actually an astoundingly simply answer, but still amazing enough to blow your mind. In fact, I suspect you will gain a passion for philosophy and what your existence truly means in comparison to myself after learning it. However, in order to drive you insane, this will be one more item added to the list of cliffhangers. You're welcome.
In case you a wondering how I am doing this, first I must give you a brief explanation on the very existence of the word 'how'. Once, it was called whethen, and fit in with the other five w's perfectly, and the six w's were easy for every school child to remember in an easy and orderly way. Then I altered the minds of all sentient beings to replace whethen with how, and thus the word how was born. How I did that I won't bother to explain. It doesn't even get a place in my list of cliffhangers because it was a minor achievement and I don't want it to distract you from my great achievements, of which there are many.
Back to how I am writing this story. You see, I am holding an object in my hand, the right one, known as a 'pencil'. I am pressing this pencil, pointy end first, against a material known as 'paper'. When I move the pencil, all the while gently applying force, in certain direction, runes known as 'letters' appear. When several letters appear side by side, they form these things called 'words'. Separated by short spaces, these words, along with a variety of punctuation, form the story which you are now reading.
You may be a bit confused why I am calling this a story when I have told you this is a true event that I am recollecting. This is because I am writing this in the format of a narrative, as well as taking the occasional break from the truth to exaggerate a little, so it becomes a story.
Unfortunately, but not unexpected for a time of darkness, there was a significant amount of swearing during the original events that take place. For those of you that are observant however, this was placed under 'everyone' (Oops, did I just break the fourth wall?). So how come a story filled with swearing be placed there? Simple. I simply edited out the swearing and fitted in words that, while appropriate, I feel fit.
Now, before the rest of you decide to leave due to not wanting your perfect image of the princesses tarnished after learning the truth, I promise you no new negative information will be revealed. Unrelated, have I ever told you I am commonly known as the King of Lies? I have no idea why that is, since I have never told a lie in my life. True story. Oh, and simply because this is life changing information that I do not know how to fit in, Celestia snores. Really loud.
I’m going to have to leave now for what is commonly known as a ‘play date’ with Fluttershy and her animals. I hate to disappoint you by not going on to tell you the truth of why Luna turned into Nightmare Moon, because who feels unappreciated when you are preventing nightmares and solving life crisis's (In dreamland, to boot!) for so many of your subjects? But I have been looking forward to 'playing' with Fluttershy's animal's for sooooo long, and she has just decided to trust me enough with them now. Kind of funny how she trusts me to not plunge the world into eternal chaos now that I’m free, but doesn’t trust me to not hurt her animals, eh? Yes, I did just speak Canadian. So until next time, Discord out.
But wait! I still have to give you the list of cliffhangers. Thought I'd forgotten about that, didn't you?
Why exactly I need self-confidence.
The Chaos vs Order Treaty.
What swear words are going to be replaced with.
Why wasn't I paying attention to the most epic battle in the history of Equestria.
How I am going to ruin the princesses image (Because let's face it, we all know I was lying.)
Why Luna turned to Nightmare Moon.
Why I am writing this
Where I learnt to speak Canadian.
