It was the last day of the month of June. Not that the date really mattered. No... for today was the day that would change Equestria.
Forever.
BANG BANG BANG
Shining Armor awoke with a start. Somepony was banging at his door at five am! Angry he stomped to the door only to see a Royal guard standing there.
"Soldier! What the hell do you want?" When the guard heard his booming pissed off voice he would have shat himself right there if it wasnt for the importain news that he had to tell him.
"Sir! Equestria is under attack from mysterious beef/pork based by products covered in batter!" When the guard said that Shining knew today was the day to fulfill his destiny.
He had been training for this day ever since the great pony oracles of lore for told that the raddest dude in Equestria would take down the... GIANT CORN DOG ARMY. Ever since then he trained with the group know as Ponies Eating Tasty Animals or PETA to combat the future forces of meaty evil!
Shining sent the guard off before turning around and yelling.
"Cadance! I'm going out make sure we have some left over Tums® or I'm going to be barfing everywhere."
"Again?"
"Again."
(^.^)
Ponies were dying and orphans were going blind from the corn dogs death rays as Shining Armor step out side his home in Canterlot.
"Mother of god..." Shining said as he took off his sunglasses that he had put on during the scene break apparently. "It's worst than I thought."
Shining Armor scanned the area with his eyes and saw the mother ship of the CORN DOG ARMY was going towards Ponyville even though the Equestrian leaders Celestia and Luna were in Canterlot. But then he thought about it...
"It's going after my sister! OF COURSE!" Shining Armor knew that it was because his sister was a princess too and it probably wanted to go kill the princess who was pretty much undefended since she HAD to stay in her backwater town with her friends.
But first before he was to go follow the GIANT CORN DOG MOTHER SHIP to Ponyville to save his sister first he had to do what needed to be done of him and save the the citizens of ~~Townsvile~~ Canterlot from the CORN DOG ARMY that stayed behind.
Licking his lips he charged towards a GIANT WALKING CORN DOG and shouted. "FOR EQUESTRIA YOU FUCKERS!" and devoured it. The tasty beef/pork by product covered in batter was so yummy that Shining Armor got the blood lust and ate everything, even ponies within one point zero zero seventh mile wide area.
"THAT WAS AWESOME! FUCK YEAH HARDCORE YEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAH!" Shining Armor shouted. One of those GIANT CORN DOGS must have had some outdated meat or something because Shining Armor had gone pretty much insane within the span of five seconds.
Shining Armor Slowly made his way to Ponyville and destroyed everything that got in his way while shouting terrible words at anything he couldn't kill.
(@.@)
The Carnage was just as bad if not a hell of a lot worst than Canterlot when the GIANT CORN DOG ARMY came upon Ponyville with their terror.
...
Actually the CORN DOGS didn't even really do anything to the town yet they had JUST got there but still they needed to be stopped before anything could happen. Shining knew that he had to act fast before some pony got thier head like ripped off or something bad like that.
"Alright you tasty bags of shit TIME TO GET IN MY BELLY." At that Shining Armor produced a vacuum to his belly that nearly almost kinda really did destroyed the universe but it was fine because Shining Armor went on a epic 20000 billion worded adventure which was probably alot better than this one to fix everything.
After murdering and destroying the universe Shining armor finally made it to Twilight's Library Treefort FireHazard House and found a note on the door saying. "Gone on a trip to kill some peeps to get revenge for Spike brb." The fuck? If she wasn't even here why the hell did the GIANT CORN DOG ARMY even come here? And why was Twilight off avenging that dragon guy dude sorta a slave but not friend of hers? Must be some adventure of theirs that he was never told about. Assholes.
Crushing the note in his hand that he just grew and chopped off because why would a pony even need hands? Shining Armor knew since his sister was gone it was once again up to only him like it was from the very beggining of this adventure to defeat the CORN DOGS by doing what he does best.
"WOMAN!" Shining Armor shouted using his thu'um. In less than zero point nine six four seven eight two five seconds the woman came.
"Did you call honey?" Cadance said.
"Yes. I'm going to throw you into the GIANT CORN DOG ARMY MOTHER SHIP thats like right above us with or without your permission in fact I'm just going to do it right now before you have the chance to reply." Shining Armor said and before Cadance got the chance to reply he threw her upwards into the CORN DOG ARMY MOTHER SHIP THING. As Cadance flew in the air she gave off some prayers of hope to her god of choice and promptly died for her husbands sins.
"FUCK YEAH! I just saved ~~Ameri~~ Equestria from the CORN DOGS time to head back home and be a wifeless childless family man."
And children that is exactly what he did and Shining Armor would be forever known as the CORN DOG ARMY DESTORYING WIVE THROWING BADASS of time.
Fin.
