Meet the Parents

I look from the work that I had been doing to the small digital clock on my desk. Its bright green digits telling me that it was only half past two. Huh. It must be a Monday.

Sighing, I leaned back in my chair, putting my forelegs behind my head. This is gonna take hours… I groaned inwardly. It occurred to me that I was probably just being lazy, but after many mind numbing hours of tedious labour, I beg to differ.

I adjusted my position in my chair, leaning over my desk and forcing my mind to focus on all the dumb paperwork on my desk that needed my attention.

It didn't work.

I huffed in frustration, burying my head in my hooves. I need a break... I moaned to myself. Like a week... maybe go back to Equestria... *sigh* I miss home…

"You alright there, Crunch?"

I didn't bother lifting my head, electing not to waste any of my precious energy on such a pointless endeavor. "Leave me alone, Colin." I muttered.

Colin was a fairly tall white man, with a mop of unkept blonde hair and a stubble for a beard. He kept insisting that he was half black but I find it difficult to believe considering he looked pale enough to make small children cry.

"Well okay then mister Grumpy Pants. I'll be at the water cooler if you wanna join." Did I mention that he was a smartass? Because he totally was.

I chuckled slightly despite my sour mood. It was funny because I wasn't wearing any pants. I got up and leaned in my chair again, and, against my better judgement, began spinning around. I guess you can see now how dire my situation is now that I'm reduced to behaving like a five-year old.

I decided to stop when I noticed a few of my co-workers giving me odd looks and I smiled sheepishly, heat rushing to my cheeks. I've been working here for a while now but I guess the sight of a pony spinning around in an office chair was still amusing to them.

I looked back to my work only for a moment and decided that I probably deserved a break anyway. I pushed myself off the chair, feeling my body creak and protest from sitting in an uncomfortable position for too long. I stretched my body, each of my four legs and both my wings until I heard an audible 'pop!' and I hummed in satisfaction.

I trotted to the far corner of the room where the water cooler was and saw Colin leaning against the wall and sipping water from one of the paper cups.

I nodded to him in greeting. I stumbled on to my two hind legs and leaned my two front ones against the water cooler while I stretched and angled my neck awkwardly to try and get myself a cup with my teeth. Damn these human inventions. They’re never pony-friendly. I really, really hope someone wasn't taking a video of this…

I finally managed to get a firm grip, and tugged with a little too much force, sending the paper cup sailing across the room.

I heard chuckling and turned to see Colin struggling to contain his mirth. He had one hand over his mouth while the other was struggling to keep the cup from spilling its contents.

I rolled my eyes. It wasn't that funny.

I decided to wait for him to stop, lest I embarrass myself even further. Colin was a swell guy. He really was. But he could be utterly insufferable at times, like now. I leaned sideways against a wall and crossed my hooves as I watched him with an unamused expression. “You done?” I asked in monotone.

“One moment.” Colin replied between breaths.

I sighed exasperatedly, and let my eyes wander my dreary office space. It wasn’t much to behold. Small cubicles took up the majority of the space, giving employees an ounce of privacy. However, if one were to lean back in their chair just a couple of inches, the illusion of privacy would be shattered.

Most of everyone were hunched over their desk, doing the same monotonous job day in and day out. Sometimes I wondered if I had made the right decision. I know for sure that sitting in an office every day doing paperwork was not my first choice as a dream job.

I look back over to Colin. He was still laughing at me.

“You done yet?” I asked irritably. Okay, now he was getting annoying.

“Y-yes,” he stuttered. “I’m done now.” He then poured a cup and hands it to me which I gratefully accept.

I resumed my position in leaning back against the wall, idly sipping from my cup at a snail’s pace as we watched everyone buzzed around like worker bees in a hive. I swear, if the boss ever find out how much time people wasted just standing around this damn cooler, he’d have thrown it out ages ago.

Good thing he’s too busy snoozing in his office.

“Hottie at two o’clock!” whispered Colin. I turned to the aforementioned direction and spot ‘Rose’.

The heartbreaker.

She had long flowing red hair that went all the way down her mid-section, tan skin, and baby blue eyes. And she has a body of a supermodel! We nicknamed her ‘Rose’ not because of her hair, (although it is part of the reason!) but because of her personality. Her beauty would draw you in, but will end up hurting you because of all the thorns she’s hiding underneath those vibrant petals. Celestia knows how many men she’s led on only to leave them halfway.

We watched her walk past, clipboard in hand, and glasses perched daintily on her nose. Her hips swaying like a pendulum.

Simultaneously, we turned our heads for a gratuitous view of her ass, our eyes shamelessly following the movements of her hips. Thanks to my equine anatomy, I was able to crane my neck a little further than Colin could. I guess that’s another thing you should know about me and Colin. We’re both HUGE perverts. The more you know.

I gave a slow whistle at that. Just because she had thorns doesn’t mean you couldn’t admire it from afar. “Dude, I think I’m in love.” Colin said.

“Easy there tiger. You know she’s dangerous.”

“But that ass though.”

Somehow, I couldn’t come up with an argument. Instead, I tried my best not to picture the mental image that Colin has so graciously given me. Being a pony, I don’t usually wear any clothes. This plain white shirt and tie would be the most I’d wear. I believe that I have mentioned this before, but I’m not wearing any pants. Picturing the child-bearing hips of a female would most certainly be detrimental to my position.

Wouldn’t want to get an erection in public. That would be bad.

You might think that’d be weird for a pony to be attracted to a human. Believe me, I thought so too at first, but as time passed, I realized they both had one thing in common. Their butts.

Their fine wide asses that I could stare at all da-,Okay, I think that’s enough objectifying the fairer sex in my head for the day.

I turned my head to look at the clock on the wall and realized that almost fifteen minutes had passed. Deciding that I should probably get back to work before the boss decides to make a surprise visit from dreamland, I quickly drained my cup and threw it into a nearby bin. I bid Colin farewell and returned to my side of the office. All the while thinking about spiders.

~

I flew through the air, feeling the wind whipping my mane and tail behind me, my wings flapping at a steady pace as it kept me elevated. The sky was painted a lovely red as the sun made its final journey for the day over the horizon. This was arguably my favourite part of the day.

I look down at all the humans (and some ponies) go about their daily lives in fascination. It never fails to amaze me at how busy everyone just seems to be. It’s nothing like back at home.

Thinking about home only made homesick again, and I tried to refocus my thoughts on flying. I think I should request for a vacation soon. I’m feeling really homesick for some reason.

I slowed my pace as I spotted a particular building. It was a very modest apartment that would oftentimes house middle income workers such as myself.

I angled my body upwards and slowed my descent until I was merely hovering before I landed on one of the many identical balconies, though this one had a small blue flag placed on it.

I landed with a thump. I gave my wings a little stretch and ruffled my feathers before I wiped the sweat off my brow. I’m really out of shape... And it was true! Years of neglect has left my body in dire need of shaping up. I’m not exactly fat in any way, just a big softy.

I walked to the sliding door which was already unlocked and slid it open. “Home Sweet Home.”

~

I stared at the mirror, inspecting it closely. I looked over at my grey coat to my dark silver mane and tail (a colourful palette, I know). I stepped back and gave a full body turn, showing off my cutie mark, which was a plus sign over a minus sign, signifying my talent as being good with numbers. Sighing in frustration, I picked up a brush from the sink and tried grooming myself. Sometimes, it really didn’t pay to not have a horn. Life would’ve been much easier with those pointy things.

After a couple of minutes of me trying futilely to groom myself, I threw the brush away, suppressing a scream of pure bloodlust, before deciding to just head to bed. It would’ve gotten messy again anyway. Besides, there’s always tomorrow...

I climbed into bed, the soft sheets feeling like absolute heaven underneath me. It’s no cloud but it’ll do. I crawled underneath the blankets and laid my head on the pillow, ready to embrace dreamland.

*Click*

The soft sound of the door closing reached my ears, making them flick. My eyes snap open in alarm as I listened intently for any sound. My back was facing the door so it was impossible for me to turn around without alerting the intruder.

I shut my eyes, hoping to deceive said intruder into thinking that I was still asleep. I breathed in as steadily as I could, faking soft snoring noises. I hear the light pitter patter of footsteps and resisted the subconscious urge to swivel my ears towards it to hear better. It was getting closer, I was sure of that at least.

After a few moments of faking sleep, I feel the bed creak and protest slightly as it takes in the added weight. I feel the covers shift as the intruder got under it.

Now’s my chance.

In one swift movement, I turned around and wrapped my forelegs around the intruder, gripping tightly and not letting go, despite the half-hearted protests. “Hey, babe.”

“No fair! You tricked me.” Came the playful reply.

“All’s fair in love and war! And besides, I missed you Elizabeth.”

Elizabeth stopped squirming at that, and looked me in the eyes. Those blue eyes. I could get lost in them. She kissed me. It’s not the first time, but I still felt my heart threatened to burst out of my chest. “Sorry Crunchy-Wunchy, I would’ve come back earlier, but work was a killer today.”

I cringed at my pet name, but managed to catch myself before she noticed. I thanked my lucky stars that I had decided to draw the curtains earlier. I smiled sympathetically at her, and hugged her tighter to comfort her, and to let her know that I was there for her.

“Well we’re here now, together, and that’s all that matters.” She giggled at that, the sound coming out of her mouth like wind chimes in a breeze.

“You’re so corny.” She said, but I could practically hear the smile on those beautiful lips of hers.

“And you love it.” Came my reply. She giggled again, before we fell into a peaceful silence, just enjoying each other’s embrace.

Until she felt something poke her down south. “Really, Crunch?”

“Uh… I did say I missed you, didn’t I?” Came my sheepish reply. Pleasepleaseplease-

“Sorry Honey. Not tonight m’kay? And I did say that work was a killer, didn’t I?” She said mischievously, her eyes narrowing slightly.

Ouch.

“Goodnight, Crunch.”

Goodnight, Elizabeth.” With that, we fell into silence once again, with me hugging her from behind, trying to be the big spoon despite the obvious size difference.

I guess you could say that this was another reason why I haven’t just gone back to Equestria. I have a special somepony right here on Earth. Who would’ve thunk it right? A pony and a human. The concept itself is inane and some even say that it’s an atrocity. All I know is that I couldn’t imagine my life without her.

I fell asleep, happy that she’s with me.