The Clop Conundrum

by Final Draft

Rating: mature
Tags: Other, Comedy, Sex, Random, Discord, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Human
Length: 1029

Essentially Dr. Seuss's Green Eggs and Ham with clopfics instead of oddly colored food.

This is a rhyming story with the same premise as Green Eggs and Ham. There's hundreds of ways you can present clop, but some just aren't willing to try it. At first anyway.

The story itself is not a clopfic, though there are some descriptions of...stuff...

Animated reading performed by myself and (Someone you've never heard of)!

Published 2014-01-10 21:30:03 UTC
Last updated 2014-01-10 21:30:03 UTC

A Simple Discussion

Clop is dirty. Clop is wrong.
Why would you clop to Rarity in a thong?

What is so appealing about Rainbow X Scootaloo?
Surely there are better things to masturbate to

than to colorful ponies, most of which I adore.
Why would you corrupt them with rule 34?

It’s wonderful, it’s grand! Why haven’t you tried?
Deep, deep down, we’re all cloppers inside!

Just bring up some pictures and give it a try!
How about just a little bit of Fluttershy?

Fluttershy? No! Not my favorite pony!
I don’t want to clop, why do you fail to see?!

Shipping is bad, but clopping is a crime!
Pleasuring yourself to ponies; there’s no reason or rhyme!

You wouldn’t rut Pinkie, if she wanted you to?
No I wouldn’t rut Pinkie! Why? Would you?

Oh, absolutely! I’d satisfy her every need;
filling her up with my hot stallion seed,

massaging her vulva, and suckling her clit.
My face would be the best place for her to sit.

Her cries would echo through Ponyville Square
as I squeezed her flanks and pulled her hair.

Why stop with just Pinkie? Rarity is nice.
Pinkie is sugar, but I need some spice.

I’d like to see her in leather of her own design,
and on her sweet pussy, I would gladly dine.

What about Twilight? I know you like her too.
Surely there are a few things that you’d like to do?

This discussion is over! This has to stop!
There’s no way in hell you’re getting me to clop!

You really wouldn’t bang RD or AJ?
I’m starting to think that you just might be gay.

No, I’m not gay, and you’re one to talk;
Talking about ponies and stroking your—

Whoa, hold on now, don’t be so hostile!
There’s nothing wrong with it once in a while;

to want Lyra Heartstrings with her legs spread wide,
and Bon Bon lapping at the juices inside.

I’m going to be sick, in fact I already am,
but you don’t care. You don’t give a damn.

I know! I’ve got something you’re sure to like:
A story featuring Rarity being rutted by Spike!

A tad cliché, it’s been done before;
Spike’s grown up, and Rarirty’s his whore.

Does that sound like something you’d like to read?
If not, I have foalcon featuring Babs Seed.

For the love of God, no! Foalcon is sick!
Would you just leave me alone, you colossal dick?!

Surely there’s something that you’ll find hot...
Give me a moment, I’ll go through what I’ve got.

There’s Trixie and tentacles, what do you think?
Two in the brown and ten in the pink!

No, God no, this isn’t Japan!
When it comes to hentai, I’m not a huge fan.

Or Angel the rabbit and sweet Fluttershy?
In case you didn’t know, Angel’s a guy.

That still doesn’t make it any less weird!
This fandom is fucked up far worse than I feared!

How about Twilight Sparkle giving head to her bro?
Please just stop, I don’t even want to know.

Pinkie Pie X Gilda, it’s something unique!
Still my interest, you’ve only failed to pique.

Everyone loves AppleDash, I’m sure you will too!
This is utter nonsense you’re continuing to spew.

Rarity gets kinky with her sis Sweetie Belle?
Seriously, what the fuck? You’re going to Hell!

Apple Bloom X Tiara? It’s cute! I swear!
Dude, it’s still foalcon! Why would you dare?

Luna and Celestia? A little Princest?
That’s really a word? Surely you jest.

Princestial incest: it’s pretty much canon!
Or what about crossovers featuring Ganon?

The Gerudo king is out looking for love,
he slips inside Luna and yells, “Fits like a glove!”

There’s nothing arousing about what you just said.
Perhaps you’d prefer a stallion in your bed?

You denied being gay, but you aren’t fooling me.
You’d probably get off to rule 63.

Mares are now stallions: a simple gender swap.
Surely this topic will make you want to clop.

They even get new names; Fluttershy is Butterscotch.
Something long and hard now hangs from her crotch.

Twilight is Dusk, and Pinkie is Berry;
Plenty of stories where they pop each others cherry.

Back the fuck up, you’ve gone way too far;
talking about pornos in which little ponies star!

Are you quite certain? Are you quite sure?
Because you really should know, I have so much more.

Well, is there anything normal? One stallion, one mare?
Preferably not related...not that you care.

A moment ago you were positively furious,
but I could tell all along, you’ve always been curious

Fear not my friend, I know what you crave!
Fluttershy being turned into a sex-slave!

Or Big Mac and RD romping in the hay?
Do those sound good? What’s your say?

On second thought, no. This is absurd!
No more talk of pony porn! Not another word!

I don’t want to hear about ponies in socks
I don’t want to hear about mares with huge, throbbing cocks!

Let’s say you were a stallion, now in Ponyville.
Would you partake of the mares? Would you get your fill?

Or what if they were human, just like us?
Surely then you wouldn’t put up such a big fuss

about rutting them crazy, and sucking them dry.
If that was the case would you give it a try?

I care not for your answer, I’m growing quite bored.
You really should know better than to bore Discord.

I’m sending you there, and there you shall stay
until with every mare, you’ve had your way.

I’ll cast a spell, they’ll all be in heat,
none will resist your sweet stallion meat!

Ta-ta! Have fun! Don’t forget to write!
(And poor Anon disappeared in a blinding white light)

Author's Note

That is the end, please take no offense
None of my views, this story represents

This is purely comedic, no malice in mind
But for any harmful undertones you happen to find

Grow thicker skin, lighten up, son
I told you before, I wrote this for fun.

Leave me a like or leave me a fave
But for all of your hate, that you can save.