So here I am, walking Applejacks stupid dog, in the stupid park, to get my stupid payment, for walking this stupid dog. In fact it's not even a walk. I just watch the dog poop and throw sticks for it over and over again.
Plus, ever since that new law came out I have to pick up its poop. It's really gross! I might have seen some poop, but this dogs poop smells baaaaaad! Like, really bad. Like, worse than Fluttershy's house bad. I guess it's better than stepping in it, but still. It stinks.
Tank is a much better pet. His poop is so small, you can't even see it. It doesn't smell either. At least I think so. I've actually never seen his poop. Well, just goes to show that his poop is even more less noticeable. Go tortoises.
Aaaaanyway, apart from the poop, I just don't like Applejack's dog all that well. Actually it's mostly the poop. Ok I'm getting off track, the point is is that I am walking this stupid dog.
So I'm walking this dog in the park. I look at it, it looks back at me, and pants. I frown in response. It looks forward again, but I keep my eyes on its furry little body. As Applejack told me, "If she gets out of line, don't be afraid to put your hoof down.", and I have just been waiting to put that little mutt in line.
It's now still walking forward on the calm, swaying grass. I'm just waiting for it to make a move.., To make a poo... I have a poo bag in my flank pocket, just waiting to come out and pick up the poop. I can see it now, the juicy, stinky, brown/black/green, poo being slowly squished in my hoof, that is in a poo-concealed poo bag. Then I pick up the poop, and make the bag so the poop is at the bottom, and the bag is on the top of my hoof. Then I will move it over to the trash can, and then I will throw it into the trash can. Then I will collapse and gasp for air. Because I almost died holding my breath from the indescribable smell of the dogs solid waste.
But that, is a vision. Now it isn't. I was so caught up in my vision that the dog stopped me in my tracks and made me fall as she stopped to put her butt down near at the ground. Winona is now pooing before me, and it is the most disturbing thing I've ever seen. The only reason I can stare is because I'm talking to her because she is taking so long.
"Winona, just go poo." I said.
But she did not. It was like she refused to remove the plushy brown logs from her body. Well, to me, this was getting out of line. She had been in the same position for three minutes and not the smallest object had arrived from her butt hole.
This was getting ridiculous, so I stomped my hoof down and said, "Winona! Just. Go. Poop."
The dog just looked at me, barked, and wagged her tail. She was still in the same position as she did it as well, in which made me quite more disturbed. My body twitched from my stomach up as I "eww"ed in disgust. There is poop coming out, it's only half way though.
In all of my life, I have seen nothing more inexplicably disgusting than that dog pooing. I'm not even sure the payment is worth it any more. I mean, twenty bits, to go through this? This is like payment for torture. I will never do this again.
My eye twitched irresistibly with the presence of the dog defecating. It was absolutely unpalatable. Or in Rarity's case, uncouth. Why did I go to Twilight's vocabulary study? I sound like a total egghead.
The poop was finally out! I expected the dog to get up from her position and move on. But she didn't, she remained in the same stance and continued to commence her bowel movement.
I could not take it any more, this had to stop. My eyes and ears had started to twitch, and I am nauseated.
"WINONA!!! JUST!! GO!!! POOP!!! IT HAS BEEN 15 MINUTES AND YOU HAVE HARDLY MADE ANY PROGRESS!!!! IS THERE SOMETHING WRONG WITH YOUR BUTT WINONA?!!! BECAUSE IN CASE YOU HAVEN'T NOTICED, YOU NEED TO POOP FASTER, AND HARDER!!!" By now my hooves were fully lifted into the air and I was screaming at full volume for everypony to hear. The dog just looked strait at me and kept barking in its pooping position as I yelled. "THIS IS GETTING RIDICULOUS!!! DON'T YOU KNOW I HAVE THINGS TO DO?!!! LIKE NAPPING!!! I COULD HAVE BEEN NAPPING TWENTY MINUTES AGO IF IT WEREN'T FOR YOU!!! SO JUST!!! QUIT!!! POOPING!!!"
There was a break in the noise. It was so quiet I could hear other ponies breathing in my presence. I turned my attention to the two mare and filly behind me. They had frightened and shocked looks on their faces.
In my uncontrolled insanity I said, "What are you two looking at?".
They took a hint and ran away in terror. Then I looked back at Winona. It was a miracle! She had stopped pooping! Finally we could move on! I looked for her droppings. They were right next to her.
So I took the poo bag out of my flank pocket and put it on my left front hoof. I thought this would be easy, but it wasn't. I moved my hoof to the brown on the ground, but it reached me before I did. *GACK!!* The smell was worse than I could ever think possible. It was Applejack after a dumpster dive, and Fluttershy's house each in one. Only worse!
I could just barely manage to pick it up, reverse the bag so the poop was at the bottom of the bag, and slowly walk over to the trash can. That was the hardest part because the trash can was at least one-hundred hoofsteps away. The smell was absolutely unbearable. I trembled as I walked, losing more balance with every step. I couldn't fly, I was too paralyzed by the terrible stench in my left hoof.
I am now at least one hoof from the trash can, and I am about to collapse. I can't tell from what, me holding my breath in, or the smell that I bring in when I take in another breath.
Just... a couple... more... steps... Before I collapsed, I threw the bag into the trash can and gasped for air. Fresh air came into my lungs that filled me with a sensation of relief. Oh the relief of having fresh air in your lungs. It feels much better than you may think. It's like drinking ice after lava. I'm actually not sure what that feels like, but I'm pretty sure it's pretty close.
To continue, it is finally over. The pooing is over. I have defeated it. I have conquered Mt. Poop Smell! Now there is only one last thing: Play fetch.
It really wasn't as bad as I thought. The only problem with it is that it's boring. All it is is just throwing a stick back and forth. I throw it, the dog catches it, I throw it, the dog catches it, I throw it, the dog catches it. And that just goes on over and over again.
I can not see how dogs can see this as fun. I can see running really fats as fun, but not this. You're just repeating the same thing over and over again. Sure, hoofball does that, but there's more to it. It's tackling n' stuff. This is just too repetitious.
In fact the more we play the more the dog gets into it. How does she do that for hours and still be amused? Just look at me.
I'm sooooooooo booooooooorrreeeeeddd!!! I have been at this for twenty minutes and I'm already bored. How does this dog like doing this. What sentimental value does it find in this stick? Tell me Celestia, tell me this mystery of the universe! I'm so confused!
Is this dog tired yet? I'm getting tired just sitting here and throwing this stick. How long have I been here playing with Winona? It feels like forever. What if Winona never never gets tired?! I'll be here forever! And that's a long time!
So basically, as any pony would do after thinking like this, I began to leave. I hooked Winona back on her leash and began to depart to return Applejack's precious mutt to her home. I was now completely relieved to find myself with this problem over. I could now return to Applejack and receive my twenty bits that she owed me.
I stopped to find the leash tugging behind me. I turned around and saw the dog in a familiar stance...
"NOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!"
I better get double for this...
Author's Note
I got this idea after I pooped my dog and was having a conversation about her misbehavior.
Please like!
And tell me of any errors please.
