Twilight re-read the note Celestia had sent her for the hundredth time as the Friendship Express chugged along, curling up the mountain and drawing nearer to Canterlot.
Dear Twilight,
Please see me immediately.
Celestia
She wasn’t sure what was so urgent, and when she had sent a follow-up letter, she received nothing in return. It sure sounded important, though. Celestia wasn’t wont to just call ponies to Canterlot for no reason, surely it must be something of the utmost importance, like tax rebates or something.
Twilight flipped open her saddlebags and checked to make sure her crown and other princessly vestments were safe and secure, just like she had left them. Breathing a sigh of relief, she closed the bag again, glad that the items hadn’t somehow taken it upon themselves to flee. She wasn't sure why she had brought her crown, but figured it was better to be safe than sorry. Also, it was a pretty sweet crown regardless.
She had considered, briefly, bringing along Spike, or one of her other friends, but decided not to spend time looking for them when she was, apparently, needed urgently at Canterlot. So, quickly stuffing a hastily-made sandwich, and her crown, into a bag, she hopped the next train to Canterlot and now here she was… still with absolutely no idea what was going on.
She lifted up the note again, then sighed and slipped it into a side-pocket. Leaning against the window, she stared outside to see Canterlot looming in the distance, and growing ever larger as they got closer.
Twilight, a piece of bread hanging from her mouth, hurried up the steps of the castle, flung open the doors, and, pulling up her saddlebags as they started to slip a bit, ran right into Celestia.
Rubbing her head, Twilight frowned as she noticed that she had dropped her bread, then quickly stood up and brushed herself off as she noticed Celestia standing over her. The older mare smiled warmly, hiding a chuckle.
“In a hurry, are we?”
Twilight laughed nervously, fiddling with her mane. Her eyes went wide as she suddenly remembered why she had come. “Princess,” she said, “what’s wrong? Your letter sounded urgent.”
Celestia cocked her head to the side, a contemplative look on her face, as if she didn’t know what Twilight was talking about. Then, she smiled. “Ah, yes. That letter.” She put a hoof on Twilight’s shoulder, nodding just a little. “I think we better go somewhere a little more private.”
Twilight raised an eyebrow, but didn’t question Celestia as she led her away from the main foyer. They walked for a bit, and Twilight couldn’t help but notice that her gait seemed a bit strange. It was the way Celestia carried herself. There was a certain… bounce that wasn’t there before. She shook her head, pushing thoughts of Celestia’s bounce out of her mind.
When they came upon the door to Celestia’s chambers, Twilight spoke up.
“What’s going on?” she asked. “Is this a matter of national security? Are we talking in secret because you’re worried about spies?”
Celestia’s bell-like laughter echoed quietly in the cavernous hallway. She shook her head, sending waves through her auroral mane. “No, no, nothing like that. However,” she said, her voice getting quieter, “it is somewhat of a private matter, so I thought it’d be best if we discussed it somewhere we could have some, well, privacy.”
“Private…” Twilight repeated under her breath. A million thoughts raced through her head as Celestia opened the door and ushered her in. What did she mean, private? Was Celestia… coming on to her? Is that why she was summoned to Canterlot? Twilight’s heart stopped in her chest. Oh, sweet goddess, what if Celestia was coming on to her? What if Celestia was running a harem out of her bedroom and was now about to bring her into the fold? I mean, it’s not like she wasn’t flattered, but she wasn’t sure she was ready. This was all so sudden.
For half a second, Twilight seriously considered just bolting out of the room right then and there, fleeing back to Ponyville, but she didn’t. After a calming breath, she realized she was probably just overreacting. She chuckled inwardly at how silly she was being.
Celestia closed the door, locking it behind her before she walked past Twilight, her tail brushing ever-so-slightly against the smaller mare as she did. She stood just a few feet away from Twilight and smiled. “This may seem a bit awkward, I’m sure. I just want you to be comfortable,” she said, tilting her head a little to the side, with a soft smile on her face.
Twilight smiled back, slipping her saddlebags off and setting them aside. She rolled her shoulders, letting out a contented sigh. She laughed a little, looking up at Celestia. “It’s funny. When you said ‘private’, I was thinking it was going to be something… crazy. I don’t really know why.” She shrugged. “I guess that was just the first thing my mind jumped to.”
Celestia covered her mouth, concealing a giggle. She ruffled her wings a bit before letting them settle in once again. “Well, I suppose ‘crazy’ is a relative term.”
Twilight laughed, waving a hoof dismissively. “Really, though, it’s not like you’re going to—Oh!” Twilight’s eyes would have grown as wide as saucers if they hadn’t already passed that point and grown to the size of small planetoids. Her mouth hung wide open, like the gaping maw of a cave, or perhaps a clam.
“Well?” said Celestia, raising an eyebrow. “Did I surprise you?”
Twilight fumbled with her words like she was trying to catch a particularly slippery fish with only her bare hooves. An unintelligible mess of syllables poured out her mouth like a flood. Eventually, when she had managed to compose herself at least somewhat, she said, “I…” and then just mouthed wordlessly for a few more seconds.
Celestia sighed, bring a hoof to her forehead. “Whenever you’re ready.”
Taking a deep breath, Twilight simply pointed at the thing between Celestia’s legs and said, “So… there’s that.”
Celestia pursed her lips. “Yes,” she said, curtly. “I had assumed you’d be a bit more mature about this, Twilight.”
“I’m sorry,” Twilight replied, unable to take her eyes off it. “I just… I wasn’t expecting that.”
“I would suggest you get used to seeing, Twilight.” Celestia turned a little, displaying a bit more of its prominence. “You’ll be getting yours very soon.”
Twilight laughed, wiping a fake bead of sweat from her brow. “Oh, thank goodness. You’re just joking. I thought you were being serious there for a second.”
“I am. Very much so.”
“It’s never a joke,” Twilight muttered under her breath. She bit her lip, shuffling her hooves. “So, let me get this straight.”
“It may also be curved,” Celestia said with a shrug.
“You’re telling me, that I’m going to have… one of those?” Twilight said, again indicating the literal salami protruding from beneath Celestia.
The other mare nodded, causing it to bounce just a little. “Pretty much. That’s part of the process of becoming a princess.”
Twilight was taken aback. “Wait, it’s not part of alicornification?”
Now it was Celestia’s turn to be taken out back. “What? No. What would make you think that?”
“I mean, I just assumed—”
“You assumed?” Celestia clicked her tongue. “You should know not to assume things, Twilight.” She shook her head. “No, this is all a natural part of becoming a princess. Or, at least it’s a natural part once every month.”
Twilight’s whole body sagged a bit as she let out a long sigh. “Another monthly event? One wasn’t enough?”
“Don’t worry too much. You’ll get used to it in time. In fact, it may even become something you look forward to.” Celestia smiled in that charming way she did that made Twilight feel like everything was going to be all right.
A thought hit her. Twilight rubbed her chin, saying, “Why exactly does this happen? I mean, what’s the purpose?”
“To be honest, I’m not entirely sure,” Celestia confessed. She approached Twilight and placed a hoof on her shoulder. Twilight looked up at her, and she smiled. “I’m sure we can figure that out though.”
Twilight’s face flushed red, and she quickly looked down. Running a hoof through her mane, she said, “I don’t know if I… I mean, are you sure?”
Celestia’s smile only widened. “You’re a smart girl,” she said. “Be creative.”
Twilight gulped. “I’ll do my best.”
Her body ached for Celestia. Her mind told her to run away now while she still had the chance, but her heart told her to stay. She followed the princess to her bed. Celestia climbed in first, then beckoned to Twilight with a sultry look. Steeling herself, Twilight followed her mentor into the bed and cuddled up next to her.
She was about to say something, but Celestia placed a hoof over her mouth, whispering softly, “Shhhhh. No more words.”
Twilight nodded, then watched as Celestia slid beneath the sheets. Her heart was racing at a mile a minute, which, cardiologically-speaking, was actually impossible, but that was of no consequence right now. She only had to wait a few seconds before Celestia went to work.
She gasped, her eyes going wide as the other mare began.
“Mm, do you like that, Twilight?” Celestia asked.
Twilight nodded. “It’s great,” she said. “I had no idea it would make such a sturdy tent post.”
Twilight slipped beneath the sheets and saw Celestia, her sausage propping up the sheets, wink at her. Twilight placed her hoof against it and pushed, testing how much it gave. It moved slightly, then bounced back into place. She nodded, satisfied.
“I’m impressed,” she said. “All we need is a little light and we could have a pretty sweet fort.”
“I think might have just the thing.” Celestia’s horn began to glow softly as a ball of light formed at the tip, then released, filling the makeshift tent with light. “There we go,” she said.
Twilight giggled. “You know, I really thought you were going somewhere else with this the whole time.”
Celestia frowned. “Why would you think that?”
“Well… you know,” said Twilight, fumbling awkwardly with her hooves. “It just, seemed like you were going a different direction.”
“Ohhhhhhhhh.” A knowing look came over Celestia. “No, no, I just wanted to share some time with you since we haven’t really had a chance since you were a foal. Besides, you know ponies don’t do that.”
Twilight rubbed the back of her neck, chuckling. “Heh, yeah. I know, it just kinda seemed like… y’know.”
Celestia waved a hoof. “Oh, don’t worry about it. I can see why it might come across that way, but there wouldn’t really be a point. Ponies, as you know, reproduce asexually through spores.”
“Of course. That’s just biological fact.”
“So, there wouldn’t really much reason for us to copulate.” A smile coming over her face, Celestia got an eager look in her eye. “Hey,” she said, “do you want to read some books?”
Twilight gasped. “Do I ever!”
And then they read books late into the night, Celestia’s royal boner keeping the sheets aloft. Twilight reached the dramatic climax of six different books, and enjoyed at least one memoir of a cunning linguist. All in all, it was a pretty swell night.
One month later, Twilight got her first princess wood and she shared it with Rainbow Dash. They burned the midnight oil reading Daring Do and talking in hushed whispers about how great and powerful Twilight's magnificent dong was. Then they had completely consensual sex that was honestly pretty boring and not really worth writing about.
The end.
Author's Note
To all the people following me... I'm so sorry.
