The Chronicles of the Dark Angel Merp, Lord of Carrots
Screw This Cottage, I'm Evil
I haven't always been so easily stepped on. In fact, there was a time when I was fierce, omnipotent, and infinitely more powerful than all my enemies combined. Alas, that day has long passed and now I've been reduced to the vulnerable carrot-muncher that I am today.
To be honest, my life sucks.
I was bit by a fly the other day. An immortal being such as myself reduced to being the food of a winged maggot is a little degrading to say the least. Still, I got over it. Fate has decided to play this cruel trick on me so I might as well go along with it, at least until I can get back at fate for all this crap it's putting me through.
Fate does not know what it's dealing with here! I'mma rear up and kick it down the dang rabbit-hole sooner or later. Hehe, I can't wait.
I am the dark angel, Merp, and I will not be freaking trifled with!
The room shook with each step as a massive yellow creature with wings entered, carrying a bowl of fresh-cut lettuce and carrots in her hoof and smiling down at the tiny creature it was for.
No, mortal! No more veggies! I used to pry the flesh off of kings and scarf down their innards for a midday snack! Where in the flaming fires of Rethula did you get the idea that I was a freaking vegan!?
Mmm... carrots... never mind, yellow slave, this will work ...for now.
:o:—:o:
It's bedtime again, and I still can't believe I have to go through the yellow one's pointless ritual. I mean, does she really have to tuck me in? I'm not a baby world-destroyer anymore, I really shouldn't have to go through all this. Still, this bed is kinda cozy.
I'd tell her that I want more blankets, but because of this accursed language barrier, all she'd hear is awkward rabbit noises, and I really want to save myself the pain and embarrassment of hearing my voice, so tonight, I'll leave it alone.
The yellow one leaned down to kiss the fierce, magnificent bunny warrior on the head before blowing out the candle and exiting the room.
I hate her lip-curses. It's as if she's on a mission to degrade me in as many ways as possible and she's completely succeeding. Every time she gets a chance, she thinks it's totally fine to press her big, yellow face up against me and smear her lip grease.
Well, I have a news flash for her.
That is not acceptable!
Not in any world, ever.
And something else, while I'm on the topic. She seems to think that if she does something to me enough, I'll be used to it, so she can do it more with no problem. And the thing where she violates my face with her lips is just the beginning.
She's begun to dress me in little costumes, which is... probably the most humiliating thing that can happen to a manly bunn- evil leader of dark angels such as myself. The worst part is, I know she'll probably keep doing it, which... would be bad for my reputation among other things.
But I don't complain about what she does to me, at least not enough. If I were to murder a few ferrets, or eat a llama, now that would get her attention. The only problem is, llamas are bigger than they used to be, and ...I actually kind of like the ferrets ...in an evil way, I swear!
But I will find a way! I will not be abused into wearing a pink bathrobe, so help me, me.
That's why I've been coming up with a plan. A plan to get me out of this place once and for all, and back into my old body.
Will I miss being cute? Go step on a nail if you think so.
No! I am the evil dark angel Merp! And I shall not be treated this way!
Now I just have to wait for the right time to begin acting out my plan. My plan of chaos and evil and destruction of all goodness and harmony and crap.
Actually, I'm just getting out of this place, but I swear I will do it in the most evil, magnificent way possible. When that's done I'll come up with a way to get my wings back.
My glorious, heavenl- helly wings. I'm a bad dude, real bad.
When I had my wings I would soar through the wind shocking sparrows and pigeons out of the sky with my laser-eyes. And those shocks really, really hurt them. I mean, they would drop down for a good couple of seconds before coming back up to poop on me.
Did I mention? I loathe birds. Loathe them, end of story.
Except crows, crows are evil looking, which is good. Why couldn't I have been a crow instead if this bunny-rabbit thing. Now that would have been cool. Crows aren't quite as evil looking as I used to be, but if I had to be an animal, it would be a crow. Or a Rottweiler, maybe.
Anyway, my plan. I'm going to just walk out of this room and down the hall, and turn here, ohh, not there, and turn a little here and here, and a little he...
"Aww, Angel, you got up to get yourself some water? Here, let me help you with that. I don't know if you could manage all by yourself. You're just a little tiny baby bunny, after all."
Ever wonder why all the animals are so quiet and well behaved at the yellow one's house?
They're all just thinking of how much they loathe her, and they think this so hard and much, that they look awfully quiet from the outside, but on the inside... they're plotting violent murder! Or at least a time out.
I honestly don't even know if I'm quite as evil as the yellow one is. She would make one heck of a dark angel.
Friendship is freaking magic.
