Twilight Makes a Sandwich

by Flames173

Rating: everyone
Tags: Slice of Life, Twilight Sparkle, Main 6, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Comedy
Length: 1152

Twilight makes a sandwich. What else were you expecting?

A famous purple alicorn makes a sandwich, and average everyday things seem to not want to allow her to do so.

Published 2014-01-11 00:50:09 UTC
Last updated 2014-01-11 00:50:09 UTC

You Shall Not Eat!

Twilight Sparkle, being a newly appointed princess and alicorn, was sitting at home, watching the wonderbolts perform on her small television. One of her best friends, Rainbow Dash, entered a contest and she got two free tickets. She was going to bring Twilight, but princess duties kept her home, doing paper work. So instead, Rainbow invited Fluttershy, but Twilight promised to watch on TV. She was busy checking all taxes in Ponyville were payed completely and on time, when a pang of hunger struck her stomach. Previously, she just ignored them, but this time, it was a searing pain. Easily a 12 on a scale of 1 to 10. The lavender mare got up from her couch and went over to her kitchen area. She used her magic to open the fridge and took out a bottle of EZ-SQEEZE jelly. She put it next to her cutting board then got a jar of peanut butter from her pantry. She set it next to the jelly as she actually grabbed a loaf of bread with her teeth from her breadbox. She gently placed it on the bamboo board and undid the twist tie. She reached a hoof into the bag and pulled out two slices of white bread when there was a knock on the door. "Ugg." She went over to her front door and opened it. "Yes?"

"OOOh Twilight are you watching the wonderbolts on TV too? Did you see that amazing stunt that Soarin just did? When he started it I held my breath I was so scared that he was going to mess something up and fall to his doom, making a splat on the ground here in the middle of Ponyville. Well, maybe not in the middle of Poynville, where do you think he'd land if he did fall? Hey where's Rainbow Dash? Did you hear she won a contest?" Pinkie went on with her usual Pinkie prattle.

"Yes, no, What, no. She's there. Yes." Twilight said, trying to answer all of the pointless questions before Pinkie asked the next.

"And then-"

"PINKIE!" Twilight screamed, sealing Pinkie's lips with magic. "Calm down, I'm hungry, just let me make a sandwich."

"Mmkmm." Pinkie mumbled.

"Thank you." Twilight mouthed. She sighed and let Pinkie free.

"Oh thank you Twilight, you're so thoughtful, now have fun making your peanut butter and jelly sandwich!" Pinkie said as she bounded off to make more cupcakes.

"How did she know it was a PB&J?" Twilight wondered as she shut the door gently and turned around. There was another knock on her door. "Ugg, what now?" She turned and opened the door. She put on a fake happy face. "Oh hello Fluttershy." Twilight said.

"Oh, you seem upset, I'll just come back later." She said quietly then left.

"Ah, Fluttershy, it's ok, I mean. Uhh, bye." She slowly shut the door, waiting for the click. Some pony else knocked on her door.

"Dear Celestia, today I learned to never make a sandwich while in the middle of paperwork." Twilight said to herself snobbishly before opening the door.

It was Applejack. "Heya Twi. Would you like tah help me buck some apples? Applebloom is at school and Macs, uh, on a date. We're a bit short hoofed lately too as ahr interns and helpers are gone." she said. "Sorry it's ah bit short notice, but, yah know me, I wouldn't ask for help unless ah need it."

"No, sorry Applejack, I can't help you, I have a bunch of paperwork left to do."

"All right. I understand sugarcube. Bah." The farm pony turned around and left. Twilight shut the door and expectantly waited for another knock. After a minute or so, she gave up and went over to her kitchen. She opened the silverware drawer with her hooves and used her magic to pick a butter knife. She carefully unscrewed the lid of her favorite peanutty butter and plunged her knife into the smooth depths of the tan substance.

"TWILIGHT!" A white unicorn shouted, bursting through the door, smashing it into the wall and leaving a crack. "THERE'S BEEN A DISASTER!"

Twilight released her magical grasp on the knife, made a disapproving face and slowly turned to Rarity, noticing her usually long, purple mane was dyed green, and burned short, really short.. "What?" she asked angrily.

"I was in my bathroom, and, I wanted to test out a new look, so, I pulled out my green hair dye, wanting only to dye my roots, but, I spilled the dye bottle and my whole main went green. Then, I remember reading on the box somewhere that the dye comes out in heat, so, I turned on my curling iron. I put it to my mane, and it burst into flames! I barely put it out before it burned my coat and scalp! Oh, it's a tragedy!" Rarity said dramatically, she put a hoof on her forehead and fell onto Twilight's couch, sobbing.

"Use your magic." Twilight said between gritted teeth. "Now goodbye." She threw the unicorn out her door.

"But, but, but." Rarity whined, poking her head back into Twilight's tree.

"Goodbye Rarity." Twilight slammed the door on her friend's head.

"That hurt." Rarity complained.

"LEAVE RARITY!" Twilight shouted. She heard hurried hoofsteps away from her library, and she returned her attention to her sandwich. "Now, where was I?" she asked herself. "Oh yeah." She used her magic to scoop peanut butter and plop it onto one slice of bread. She used her magic to squeeze some jelly on the other slice, struggling a lot. "Easy squeeze my horn." she said with a grunt as she finished it. She put the pieces together and levitated the masterpiece to her face. She opened her maw to take a bite when her phone rang. The phone startled her and she dropped her sandwich. There was a wet 'plop' as the sandwich hit the ground. Twilight stared forward, one eye twitching.

"YAAAAAAY!" the crowd on TV cheered.

"Mother flipping doggy butt shiitake mushroom!" she screamed as loud as she could possibly utter. She let Fluttershy go to voicemail.

"Hey uhh, Twilight, I just wanted to say that Rainbow and I are back, the show was amazing, and uh, never go to one with Rainbow Dash." the phone said as Fluttershy left a message.

There was another knock on her door. Twilight flashed to the door, shut her eyes, took a deep breathe and let it out slowly, keeping her eyes shut, she opened the door. "WHAT DO YOU WANT, CAN'T YOU SEE A PRINCESS IS JUST TRYING TO EAT A SANDWICH?!" She screamed in the mares face. She leaned her head down, catching her breath from her rage shout. She opened her eyes, still panting. She slowly looked up at the goddess of the sun.

"Twilight, no pony yells at me." Celestia scolded.

"Aw crab apples."