"What's the point anymore? All I do every day of my life is help them, and what happens? Absoluty nothing!" Spike yelled pacing the room. Twilight was in Canterlot, which left Spike alone, as usual. She would use him and leave him there to fend for himself. He didn't care alot anymore. It gave him more free time to think, which was bad, but full of truth with what he was thinking. He didn't really care when he was left home, but she just leaves and doesn't say anything anymore. She just gets up and leaves, proving his point further.
"There's not even a reason to be here anymore. I'm just used so much by them, it's pathetic. I'm just an assistant. Not a friend, a dragon, or even a being. They don't even notice I'm actually alive. They just act like I'm a robot servant that can be used and forgotten. I'm just a ghost. Why even bother reasoning." He continued.
For the past two weeks, Spike was noticing what was actually happening in his life. He noticed he was being used. He noticed nopony paid attention to him, and when ponies asked about him, Twilight would always say the same thing. "He's just been so busy lately. He has no time for anyone." When he would think about it, his body would heat up and he would just get so angry. Luckily he learned over the years to control it, but now it was hard. He was losing all hope in everything, His life, his friendships, and his love life.
Love. Such a strong word. It's used more than it should be, like Spike. To love something is to affectionately care for something, alot. The word is just thrown around, like a ball. And nopony realizes what it means to Spike. Only because he had a love that was so strong, and it was for one mare.
Rarity.
"Rarity.." He whispered. He sat down and tears began to form in his eyes. He glanced over at a picture of her.
"Rarity... d-do you even c-care about me anymore? I'm waiting for you to finally notice me. I worked my scales off to the core for you," His whisper was rising to a yell quickly. "I thought you actually cared about me. What a waste of breath." His anger was taking over. He clenched the photograph and whipped it at the wall. It shattered onto the floor. He walked into the bathroom and glared down his reflection.
"Well, look what we have here!" Spike turned around. Nopony.
"Hey, don't ignore me. I'm talking to you." The reflection called.
"Am I going crazy?"
"You already are."
"Who are you? Is this Discord?"
"If only I were. But alas, I am not. I am your sub-conscious mind."
"What?"
"I control your thoughts and make them."
"Yeah right."
"Hmmm. That's why you're thinking about running away, or worse." That was all it took for Spike.
"Well if you are, why are you making me feel so sad?"
"Oh, I'm not. They are." Pointing to a picture of the Mane Six.
"Not all of them."
"True, what about them?" Pointing at picture of Spike, Twilight, and Rarity at Spikes first birthday in Ponyville.
"So it is them. And whatever you see, is put into a thought, depending on what you know and feel first."
"Uh..."
"Ugh, you're smarter than this. Alright, here's an example: what you know, is that Twilight and Rarity use you. You know this." He put ever so bluntly.
"Ok."
"And you feel it. You feel used by them. I know it. I also know it makes you feel sad. You can feel them use you. It's something you feel inside you. Heh, you know something? You feel alot of mixed feelings towards Rarity. You obviously feel love and care, but also hate and betrayal. And then on top of that, you never asked her out! And you never will. You're afraid to confess because you think you know the answer. You're afraid, Spike."
"Don't humor yourself. I'm not afraid of anything of the sorts."
"Oh yeah? Go to her house right now and tell her how you feel. Let it all out to her. That's right. You can't because you're afraid. You're afraid of rejection. You're afriad of what might happen. And all of that cause you to feel stressed out, making me think of all these dark things. I also know you're thinking about suicide."
"You're crazy." Spike laughed.
"I know you are. And that is making you get closer and closer to suicide. You're so afraid if rejection, your brain forgot you never asked, and you made it all up. So in your head, you sked, she said no, and now we're here. But in reality, you never asked, she never rejected you, but, we're still here. Know why? All that, combined with the thought of being used is eating you alive, so here." A bottle of medication fell from the sink. Spike picked it up.
"What is this?" Scanning the bottle.
"It's your way out. All of your pain and suffering, it could all be over. And all you have to do, is swallow the bottle." Spike was shaking. He never felt so scared in his life. not when he was the greed hungry dragon, or when he was fighting the Timberwolves, but this was different. He was holding his fate.
"100% Migrane Reliever, for all of your headaches." It read. Without thinking, Spike immediately opened it and was about to take them all, when he was stopped.
"Woah woah woah, you're going to do it without even thinking?"
"You sai-"
"I said you can. I'm not forcing you. This is all you. You're so desperate for relief, you're willing to resort to this, without even thinking twice about it. Hell, without thinking about it at all. You can do this, or tell Rarity and Twiight how you feel. Spike heard paper and a pencil fall off the table.
"Your choice."
"It's yours too."
"I can't choose. That's for you and you only to decide. "
Spike brought the bottle and a small mirror to the table and sat. He was contemplating what he would do next.
"There is always the thought of doing both, but that's not the best idea. Write the letter and then kill yourself? You'll make her and Twi feel worse than you."
He sat there a moment, deciding. A moment turned to awhile, and soon his sub-conscious spoke up.
"Hey, Spike? Still there? You've been quiet. Chose yet?"
"Yep. I have." He picked up the bottle and walked to the bathroom. His sub-conscious spoke up.
"Spike, th-this is y-your decision?"
"Uh-huh. Positive." He said boldy. He opened the bottle. Pop!
"Spike?"
"It's gonna be over! It's finally gonna be over!" Spike cheered. He was shaking like a a phone vibration with Parkinson's. He stood in front of the sink and stared himself down. He didn't see his sub-consious. He saw himself. He hated it.
He poured the bottle inside. The insdes were rattling inside until it hit the bottom. He rinsed the sink to make sure he didn't leave any behind. He knew he couldn't do it then. He had unfinished business.
"You scared me."
"No wonder why I'm so frightened." He said, making his way back over to the table. He began the letters.
Dear Rarity,
Hey there. I just wanted to get a few things cleared up. First off, you need to stop using me. You may not think so, but you are. I am a living being. I am alive too.Treat me like I am at least. If we're friends, you don't use me for your own needs. I help you, and you help me. You make me think you don't care about me, which is scary. I care about you too much to be unwanted and used, which bringsbme to my next point.Other than us being friends, I care about you this much, because I love you. You are the best thing that has ever happened to me. You are so perfect in almost every way. You probably won't even care either, since I'm "young", and it's just a "childhood crush", but I mean it. Not only are you the most beautiful mare out there, you're basically the nicest. When you're not working, you're so sweet and nice and you care alot about your friends. I just wanted to get that off my chest. Ihope you feel the same.
~Love,
Spike
He finished Raritys and Twilights, who's was basically the same, except without the romance part. He sent them both back out and fell alseep. 2 hours later he woke to knocking.
"One sec." He said drowsily. When he opened the door his lips locked immediately with somepony.
"R-Rarity?"
"Shh. Spike I'm so sorry I used you. I never intended to. I took it as a friendly gesture and try help you out just the same. Unfortunately, I'm not skilled in anything other than dress making. I always thought you were the cutest, most attractive, nicest sweetest..."
"Shh.." he said before going in for another kiss.
"I love you, Spike."
"I love you too, Rar-burb!" He belched up a letter from Twilight.
"That can wait." He said, continuing their kiss, this time with no interruptions.
