Babz Weed

by TwilightPoopSparkle

Rating: teen
Tags: Comedy, Adventure
Length: 2921

Babs Seed discovers the wonders of drugs.

Babs Seed buys weed. Now she must share the wonders of drugs across all of Equestria. Will anti-drug activists stop her? Hell no! You can do anything when you're high!

Published 1970-01-01 00:00:00 UTC
Last updated 2014-03-03 22:46:05 UTC

They are like... so good man

     "Stupid stupid stupid!" A brown earth pony yelled, kicking a loose stone out of her way. "I just so happen to get lost. In the middle of the night; I hope there are no rapists out there." She looked up high in the sky, watching the moon cruise through the navy blue night. "Damn moon; won't show me the direction. If only Trottingham wasn't so big."

     Babs Seed blew part of her red mane out of her face before continuing down the road. The street lamps were mostly broken or burnt out, and it didn't help that she was in the most dangerous part of the city. If only she took the bus to Southern Cobble Drive instead of Orange Street, then she could have been home in less then three minutes. Anything could happen to a filly these days. A communication device that could be used long distances would work right now. Too bad that didn't exist.

     A couple of storm clouds hanging in the sky worsened the tough filly's mood. "Oh geeze. Now it's going to rain?" An ally caught her attention. 'Maybe they have a letter stand down there. I gotta write to my parents. Probably dying on the floor for being worried sick.'

     Her hooves echoed off the cobblestone road, the only sound for miles around. She couldn't see too well without lights, and her brown hooves kept stumbling over each other. "Hello?" She called out to the inky night. What did she have to do to get some help around here!

     She actually received an answer. A tap on her shoulder caused her to spin around, breathing erratically to the foe ahead of her. It was a stallion. That couldn't be good. "Shhhh..." The stallion put a red hoof on her lips. "I'm not here to hurt you."

     "THEN WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU WANT?! I here in the middle of the night lost, a little filly, an unknown stallions appears right behind me! I have the right to think that you are going to hurt me." A trenchcoat prevented his cutie mark from being seen, and a fedora covered is mane. In all, he looked very shady. And Babs had the right to kick him in the nuts.

     He loud out a loud chuckle. Babs walked slowly backwards, wishing she listened to her mother about Stranger Danger. "If I was going to kill or rape you it would have happened by now. I just want to give you a present."

     "Is it your dick?"

     This equally loud laugh caused her nervousness meter to rise. "No, but it's a good joke little filly. This present is so much better." He reached into her trench coat, and like all other ponies who worked with illegal goods, he brought out a small package.

     "Marajuana?" Babs asked. Especially with Stranger Danger, Orange Slice said never to take goods from a pony. Still... it wouldn't help to take a sniff.

     "C-can I-"

     "Sure you can little missy! You'll have to buy the bag, you you can take a whiff." Babs stuck her nose in the bag, to be smacked in the face by a peculiar odor. It didn't smell too nice, but a sense of relaxation washed over her. It felt really goooood...Maybe a bag wouldn't be too bad.

     "Umm... how much would this be?" Babs Seed rigged into her purse. Only 20 bits. If she bought a bag now, she wouldn't have that much money to ride a bus, much less find one.

     "Be 15 bits!" No bus then. But at least she would have some weed. She could picture it. Bullies would stop making fun of her for being a blank flank, but actually respecting her. She needed that bag.

     "Okay sir," She said, dropping the bits into his pocket.

     "Please, you can call me Mr. Business."

     Babs let out a small smile. She blew her red and pink mane out of her way, before shaking his hoof. "And you can call me Babs. Babs Seed."

     Drug Lord waved and walked away, sastified for corrupting a child. As soon as he was out of sight, she sniffed into the bag, and felt that sense of euphoria. In the plastic bag was rolled up weed, fresh and ready for smoking. Though she was afraid to smoke, jut smelling the weed wasn't going to cut it. "I'm going to have to get out of this alleyway."

     A couple storm clouds rolled away, parting for the shining stars. It was pretty, but she needed to smoke. Down the street she went, looking for a good place to burn. "A dump... no... a hotel... that wouldn't work... a police department... fuck no... a drug activist rehab center... super duper fuck no... a place where a bunch of hobos are hanging out... perfect!"

     Six of them altogether, warming up near a flaming barrel. A couple of backpacks laid around, filled with moldy and rotten food. And look! One of them was smoking some weed. "H-hi guys." Babs said, sitting on a log to the cleanest one. And that was barely a compliment. Grease smudged part of her yellow fur, and when she smiled or talked, two teeth could be missing.

     A green stallion eating beans out of a can grumbled. "Oh great, another city kid going to make fun of us. What's with the youth these days?"

     "No no! I can prove I'm not a prissy brat!" Babs dropped the rest of her bits in the stallion's hat. Her mother was really going to have to talk to her about giving out money. Its best to keep your money. Orange Slice always told her. That bitch was a crazy old coot. There are some ramblings that you don't have to listen to.

     With a nod of his elderly head, the stallion hugged her. In Babs's head, that was the most disgusting thing that ever happened to her. "Thanks for the money dearie. I haven't seen you before. What brings you to these parts? By the looks of you, you look like you travel through the allyways each day!"

     "I kinda have to use this fire."

     "Sure thing dearie!" The green pegasus said. "I thought you were going to turn us in for crossing the border! You can use our trusty fire any time!"

     "Thanks." Weirdos. Babs nervously approached the brightly lit barrel. Her entire future could be affected from this one bag. It could hurt anypony the same way. But what fun is there in not taking chances? "Well..." She held the tip of the weed at the flame, which burnt off the tip. "Allonsy."

     Hot diggety damn was that stuff powerful! She exhaled a puff of smoke... and euphoria filled her up. Her whole body felt relaxed, and her mind in a state of peace. In other words, that was the best thing she ever had. With a grunt, Babs sat in a more slouched way, her eyesight getting cloudy. The others giggled with glee as her eyes turned the slightest shade of red. But to Babs... who cares?

     "Everything feels... just wonderful." Even if fire was consuming everything in her sight, she couldn't have cared less.

     "I know... right?" In fact, Babs could rest here all day, without a care in the world. A thought of her mother shaking her head disapprovingly popped into her mind. Damn... she still had to get home.

     "Do any of you fine fellows know where Cobble Drive is?"

“Yeah,” The yellow mare pointed a shaky hoof, (Still affected by the drug) to the right. A series not broken streetlight were on the side, where a faint sign read Southern Cobble Road. “All you have to do is go four blocks and turn right dude.”

     Babs sat up, letting out another puff of smoke. “Thanks.” Those were some nice fellows, if only she had enough money to buy a house. But weed seemed to make them happy, and Orange Slice wouldn’t lend money to them anyway. If they were happy, so was she.

     A darkened house came into view. Aside from her clip clop of her hooves against the pavement, it was silent. There was concrete everywhere, not even any grass to spruce up the neighborhood. She couldn’t see the crackling fire anymore, or the stoned ponies. Now she was stoned. Hee hee.

     With one last puff, she dropped the rolled up weed and snuffed out the tip. Her body was craving to finish it all, but she had a job to do. Aww… That was good fifteen bits. Her fifteen bits wouldn’t be the other thing that Babs would loose if she walked in with the drug.

     The house key locked in place, and the door opened quietly with a click. As soon as she walked in, her stomach growled. It felt like she hadn’t eaten in days. She needed food. Now. The priority of food was greater than her urge to pick up her beloved marijuana and smoke it once more.

     “Oh shut up.” She whispered harshly to her belly as she walked inside and opened up the fridge. There was cheese, fruit, and salad, but she felt that only weed would fit her. With a sigh, sh“Yeah,” The yellow mare pointed a shaky hoof, (Still affected by the drug) to the right. A series not broken streetlight were on the side, where a faint sign read Southern Cobble Road. “All you have to do is go four blocks and turn right dude.”

     Babs sat up, letting out another puff of smoke. “Thanks.” Those were some nice fellows, if only she had enough money to buy a house. But weed seemed to make them happy, and Orange Slice wouldn’t lend money to them anyway. If they were happy, so was she.

     A darkened house came into view. Aside from her clip clop of her hooves against the pavement, it was silent. There was concrete everywhere, not even any grass to spruce up the neighborhood. She couldn’t see the crackling fire anymore, or the stoned ponies. Now she was stoned. Hee hee.

     With one last puff, she dropped the rolled up weed and snuffed out the tip. Her body was craving to finish it all, but she had a job to do. Aww… That was good fifteen bits. Her fifteen bits wouldn’t be the other thing that Babs would loose if she walked in with the drug.

     The house key locked in place, and the door opened quietly with a click. As soon as she walked in, her stomach growled. It felt like she hadn’t eaten in days. She needed food. Now. The priority of food was greater than her urge to pick up her beloved marijuana and smoke it once more.

     “Oh shut up.” She whispered harshly to her belly as she walked inside and opened up the fridge. There was cheese, fruit, and salad, but she felt that only weed would fit her. With a sigh, she brought out a daisy sandwich and began chomping on it. The whole thing was stuffed in her mouth just as ten seconds passed. A new record! Digging further into the fridge, and other sandwich was brought out and click. Her ears lazily picked up the sound of a light turning on and an unknown pony walking downstairs. Babs ignored it.

     “Babs?”A muffled voice called, holding a flashlight in its mouth. How did it know her name? “Is somepony here?” Click. This switch turned on the kitchen lights. Babs moaned groggily and shielded her green eyes from the bright light.

     “I have the munchies, let me eat in peace dude.”

     “Munchies?! Dude?!” Oh snap, Babs recognized that voice, and it wasn’t good. It was her mom. And from the tone of her voice, Orange Slice was furious. “What have you been doing missy? It’s the middle of the night! Your pigging out woke me and your father up.”

     The filly turned around, exposing her mother to her reddened eyes. “I’m hungry.” A bomb went off.

     “YOU’VE BEEN DOING DRUGS?!” The light orange mare’s shriek shattered a window, and still the voice carried on outwards. If it wasn’t for capital being on the mountain, the scream would have woken up Celestia.

     “Yeah, and they were good too.” A slap, even louder than the shriek, echoed. It still didn’t wake up Celestia, but it made her quite crank in the morning. Babs’s cheek was bright read, and it stung. “Ow! What the fuck lady? That ain’t cool.”

     “I am your mother! You will not addresses me in such a poor tone of lady. Mistress will do. Or perhaps mom, because I am your mother.”

     “Mother… lady… same thing.”

     “Ugh! You know what? Get out.”

     “Huh?” Said Babs, looking up from her second sandwich.

     “I said, get out. Shoo. Leave. Just don’t be in my home. I don’t want a drug addicted daughter! You shame the family. SHHHHAMMMEEEEEE!”

     “I am not addicted. I just… like the feel of it. You should try it.”

     “Yeah right. Sooner or later you’ll crave another. And another. And more until you wind up on the street like the stupid bitch you are! Which is happening right now!”

     Babs scoffed, throwing her hair back in a fabulous manner. “You can’t disown me.”

     “Yes I can.”

     “But can I at least have some money?” Babs pleaded, putting on her adorable puppy eyes. It looked creepy contrasting her normally white eyes. How else would she survive? You need money to do anything these days. At least those homeless ponies had five bits.

     “Why? So you can buy some drugs?”

     “No… cuz I promise I won’t do it again. Trust me lady.” Ignoring that last word, and the fake promise, Orange Slice tossed 60 bits to Babs.

     “Because YOU are my daughter, who is not anymore, just take it. Don’t expect many more from me again. This is the first time I have ever done charity, ugh!”

     “Thanks lady.” Babs put the bits in her purse and lumbered away. What some magical fingers would do at the moment. Sadly, only the unicorn master race can pull of the perfect middle finger.

     “Good riddance.” Orange seethed.

     Vitamin “The C” galloped down the stairs where his wife was. “I heard some screaming. I thought you were in the bathroom, but there was a slap, so it couldn’t be it. What happened?”

     Orange sat down and took an Aspirin. After rubbing her temples for a bit, she laid her head down. “Oh nothing darling, other than your only daughter became a stupid DRUG ADDICT!”

     Vitamin laughed, worsening Orange’s headache. “I always knew that she would become one! Get it? Babs Seed? Babs Weed? Ha!” His reply was answered by being hit with a frying pan. A nasty bump grew on his stumbling body. “S-still worth it.”

     The gates closed behind Babs with a loud smack. “Damn, I’m one of those homeless ponies now. Stupid lady mom…thing.” As soon as she took a step, a loud squishy sound echoed underneath her hoof and caught her attention. “The… hell?”

     It was her rolled up weed! The drizzle drenched it, making any light, ash, or smoke dissipate into the smoggy air a long time ago. Amazing how the street cleans didn’t pick it up yet. Or, the snobby rich hate the poor, and refuse to pay the janitors. Either way, it was still hers.

     “This sucks like… major balls.” Those who were watching the now orphaned supposedly drug addicted filly, turned away. What was their problem? And why were they up so late?

     A coca-pony can was thrown out of a window and clonked her head. A pony was above her with large bags beneath his yes. “You made Orange Slice mad! Get out of this neighborhood before she pulls a gun on your sorry ass! Or you can get a cutie mark for being bullet riddled.”

     “Fuck you!” Babs shouted. The neighbors made fun of her for being a blank flank, and they always will. Even if she gets it, they’ll ask what took her so long. If only dynamite would blow up in their faces. Then there would be less douchebags around.

     Sooner or later of trying to find her way, Babs stumbled into the hobos’ camp. The head leader poked her head out from one of the sleeping bad laying randomly around. “What brings you here? We already told you the way home.” She spoke, setting a lighter under a marijuana bottle next to her.

     “I got kicked out.” Babs stated. Her tail flicked back and forth angrily, waiting for something to smash. Preferably her mother’s face.

     “A shame, really. Most of us bought so much drugs that we couldn’t afford to pay our taxes. But we at least have enough drugs to last us a life time. If we run low on money, we just sell or drugs for money, which we use to buy more drugs. Genius! Want some?” The mare gingerly held the bottle in front of Babs. A lifetime. The rest of her life, chilling out with