A Change of Scenery

by FrostBite1

Rating: teen
Tags: Romance, Human
Length: 10256

When a human is somehow transported to Equestria and put under the supervision of a rookie. Nothing could go wrong, right?

Equestria isn't all rainbows and sunshine, a fact that Jack will learn soon enough. For now, he has to deal with being in a new world, and getting stuck with a rookie in the Night Guard as his supervisor.

Editor: Zephyr

Published 1970-01-01 00:00:00 UTC
Last updated 2014-02-24 18:12:09 UTC

Prologue

Stone dug into my hands as I climbed, and I cursed under my breath at Mark for convincing me not to wear gloves. He was a good deal ahead of me, climbing the rocks like a mountain goat. In hindsight, I think that accepting to go rock-climbing with him may not have been such a good idea. The strain it put on my muscles almost made me wish that I was back in the military. Almost, but not quite.

"Where the hell is that ledge you talked about?" I asked, trying to avoid entanglement in my rope and gear as I climbed.

"Just a little bit farther, Jack," he replied, looking down to check our height, an act that I wouldn't do since I valued my life.

Mark and I have been friends for years, and getting me to climb the side of a cliff was just one of many insane things that he had somehow managed to trick me into doing. He's an adrenaline junkie, and while I wholeheartedly agree that he should do what he enjoys, I don't believe that I should be inclined to risk breaking my neck or becoming a pancake on the ground if I lose my grip.

Such thoughts aside, rock-climbing wasn't too bad. The view was pretty amazing, as long as I didn't look down, and it served as a good way to stay in shape. The military had gotten it into my head that I needed to stay fit, so I did. I'm a regular member of the gym in town, and I have a bit of exercise equipment at home in case I don't feel like driving. I guess it also helped that I live alone, so after work I can do things on my own time.

"You alright?" Mark asked, bent over a ledge with his hands on his knees as he looked down at me.

"Yeah, just thinking about stuff." I replied, realizing that I had spaced out for a second. Attempting to make up for the lapse, I searched for a good hand hold and pulled myself up.

"Probably shouldn't be doing that too much when you're so far from the ground." He was smiling, knowing that it tempted me to look down.

"Don't remind me." I glared at him and hauled my body and gear onto the ledge.

"Hey, all you had to do was say no when I asked if you wanted to come."

"And let you have all the fun?" I put on a fake smile. "I don't think so." He was right, but there's no way in hell that I'd tell him that.

He grinned and laughed. "All right then. We can rest here, then climb further up before it gets dark."

"Sounds like a plan." I glanced around, relieved to find that the ledge was actually larger than what I had expected. I had hoped that the whole climb wouldn't take too long, but the large cliff still looming above me destroyed that dream.

"Looks like it's going to rain," Mark said, squinting at some clouds in the distance. "We may not be able to finish the climb today."

"Good thing we brought food, then." I tried to sound saddened by the news, but my face was probably backstabbing me with a look of relief.

"There's a cave here too, which means we don't need to get our gear wet."

Rest and a dry place to sleep? I would've jumped for joy if I wasn't afraid that I might slip and fall to my death. Instead, I opted to start removing the belts and straps constricting my body, trying to get them off as fast as I could without getting them tangled together or showing Mark that I really wanted them off.

"Plus," he continued, as if reading my thoughts, "we might as well rest for a bit. We may have to stay here overnight."

"That bad, eh?" I replied. Looking over at the approaching clouds, I was surprised to see how just how close they were. It wouldn't be long before they were overhead, and if it decided to rain we'd probably get drenched pretty quickly.

With the threat looming ever closer, I helped Mark move our stuff into the small cave nestled in the rocks. Bit of a tight fit, but it was roomier on the inside, so it wasn't all that bad. Mark pulled out a pair of sleeping bags while I worked on getting the food out of my pack. Mostly it was just granola bars and stuff to keep up our energy, but we had some soup mix in case we wanted a hot meal while we were out here. Mark always had one of those little camping stoves with him, so it wouldn't be too hard to use some of our water to make some soup in the morning or something.

"Sorry that we can't go any higher, Jack," Mark said, rolling out his sleeping bag and lying back with his arms crossed behind his head.

"It's fine," I replied. "We can't control the weather out here, so there's no point in apologizing for it."

He chuckled and blew some hair out of his face. "I guess, but I still wish we could have gone farther."

I shrugged and rolled out my own bag before looking back outside. The clouds were getting pretty close, and a couple had already made it overhead, pelting me with a couple raindrops before I pulled my head back into the cave. "Yep, the rain's already starting, and it looks like there's gonna be a lot more in a few minutes."

"Dammit. Looks like we might be sleeping here tonight." He scowled and glared at the cave entrance, as if his blue eyes could make the rain go away if he concentrated hard enough.

"Better than losing your grip and falling to your death."

"True..." He looked a bit sad at being unable to finish the climb, but even he's not crazy enough to try and climb a mountain while the rocks are wet. Instead, he just sighed and took off his shoes before easing his way into the sleeping bag.

"I guess I'll get some shuteye while we wait for the rain to pass by," he continued, making himself comfortable and closing his eyes.

"I'm with you on that one." Moving while light still entered from outside, I took my shoes off and slid into my sleeping bag, glad that the floor of the cave was rather smooth instead of littered with annoying rocks.

With a final glance to the cave entrance, I closed my eyes and fell asleep. Unfortunately for me, I'm a light sleeper who is vulnerable to bright lights.

I woke up with a low groan, my hands moving to my face automatically to keep the light out. Squinting angrily at my watch, I saw that I'd only been asleep for a few hours. Allowing my eyes to open a little further, I looked around to find the source of the light that had disturbed me. It appeared to be coming from around a corner near the back of the cave, and I cursed it under my breath as I wriggled out of my sleeping bag and stuffed my feet into my shoes. It crossed my mind to try waking Mark, but I could fire a gun near his head and he wouldn't flinch, lucky bastard.

With the laces of my boots tied and my body reasonably awake, I moved toward the back of the cave, irritated to find that it just led to a small passageway. Crouching down, I was able to move through it into a slightly larger cavern with water running noisily into a pool near the back. The light seemed to emanate from the pool, so naturally I thought that I was hallucinating for a moment, or possibly dreaming. I punched myself in the arm, and unfortunately it was not a dream. So with a dull ache in my arm, I walked over to the pool and looked down into the water, squinting to see if I could spot the source of the light.

"Dammit," I muttered, "why does this light have to fuck with me now, of all times?" I muttered under my breath, wondering how the hell it was in the water and still shining so brightly. I swore, if I found out that Mark had tossed a waterproof flashlight or something in there just to mess with me, I would get even by seeing if he could sleep through a bucket of cold water poured on his face.

The entire time, while I argued with myself over the origins of the light, it remained in the pool of water, taunting me and ensuring that I wouldn't be able to sleep. With a small sigh of defeat, I realized that I'd have to go in the water to get rid of it. Taking off my boots and socks, I rolled up my jeans and stepped into the water. My foot was barely submerged before my eyes shot open and my entire body shouted violently at my head for the rude awakening.

"HOLY HELL THAT'S COLD!" I shouted, jumping back from the water. If I were back in the army, someone probably would have pushed me in for that, but since I wasn't there anymore, I had to force myself to get back in the water and start wading toward the light. My body started shivering as the water moved up past my ankles, so I tried to go a bit faster, hoping to get it over with as soon as possible.

Note to self: Never assume that a pool of water is shallow.

As I got to the point where I almost on top of the light, my foot connected with nothing and I fell straight into the water, my entire body suddenly clutched in its icy grip as I snapped my mouth shut to keep from inhaling water. The light was almost blinding under the surface, and I thought I could make out some kind of stone in the center. Shivering like my body was having a seizure, I reached out and grabbed it, only to be sucked away as the pool suddenly gained a current.

My mind was freaking out by then, so I panicked and tried to get to the surface, which seemed suspiciously brighter than it should have been. However, I couldn't think much about how light had gotten into a cavern. I was much too busy trying to get some air in my lungs. Managing to right myself so my feet were scraping against the sandy ground, I pushed myself upwards, gulping in air as I broke the surface. Completely ignoring the fact that I was somehow outside, I swam toward the bank and hauled myself out of the water.

It wasn't until I fell forward onto the grass that I knew something wasn't right. Struggling to contain my shivering, I wiped the hair from my face and looked around. The sun was blazing in the sky, but it looked... off... The grass was brighter than grass has a right to be, and to my left was a mountain much too large to be the one that Mark and I had been scaling, with waterfalls pouring from its side. I looked to the right, and even the shivering stopped as I froze.

In front of me was a castle, and not the kind that I would ever imagine. This place was huge, and seemed to be more decorative than anything. It was like something from a coloring book, with waterfalls cascading into pools that flowed into more waterfalls that descended down the mountain, and structures that just didn't look possible.

If I hadn't spotted something out of the corner of my eye, I might have stared at the place all day long. As it turned out, I forgot the icy feeling pricking my body like needles for a moment and sat still, as if I was just looking at the castle. Whatever it was that was heading toward me, it was coming fast. I heard footfalls grow louder as it raced toward me, and it sounded like someone heavy running at me through the grass. There was something else though, an odd sound like metal scraping and clinking together.

Pushing the thought out of my head, I waited three seconds, then jumped to my feet. My assailant hesitated, and I took the opportunity, sweeping their legs from under them and pinning them down without hesitation. As I raised my fist to strike, I blinked and looked down at my target.

Huge blue eyes stared at me with a look of horror from beneath a golden helmet. The thing had a coat of white fur, and more golden armor on its back, with some kind of star insignia on the front. The last thing I noticed were a pair of wings spread out on the grass, trapped beneath my legs.

"What the fuck?" I gasped. Somehow ending up outside in front of a castle was one thing, but a pony with wings? I could almost feel my sanity beating itself to death.

Sensing my hesitation, the freak of nature pushed me off, causing me to land roughly on my back with a grunt. I tried to get back up, and looked up just in time to see a pair of hooves just before they got to meet my forehead. The only thought that occupied my brain as I blacked out was son of a bitch, that hurts!

Chapter 1: Imprisoned

At some point in life, a lot of people experience an event that, to them, is like a dream come true. My situation was more like a nightmare becoming reality. Not only did I get knocked out by a brightly-colored horse, I had to deal with the mother of all headaches when I woke up covered in blankets. Doing my best to ignore it, I glanced around my new surroundings. Stone walls and floor, a bed that seemed a bit small for me, some hay in the corner for who knows what, and a series of bars separating me from the dark hallway beyond.

"God dammit," I grumbled, and boy did my head not appreciate it. It was like there was a nail positioned in just the right spot, and the mere sound of my voice signaled some unseen force to smash the nail in with a hammer. Hands clasped to the sides of my head, I hissed through my teeth and curled up until my forehead touched my knees.

Holy hell that hurt, I thought, waiting for the pain to subside before I leaned back again. I stared at the ceiling for a few minutes, allowing my headache to settle a little while I ran through my memory of the events that ended up with me in what looked like a dungeon. First, I sure as hell wasn't on Earth anymore, since all of this definitely wasn't on the other side of the cliff that I had been climbing with Mark. I wondered what he was doing, maybe freaking out that his friend had suddenly disappeared. I had left my pack and everything near my sleeping bag, so there's no way he could think that I'd climbed back down. Would I ever even see him again? I doubted it, since being stuck in this cell surely wasn't going to get me anywhere.

The second thing I thought about was the world itself, with its colors much brighter than anything has a right to be. That horse thing, for one, definitely wasn't normal, with those huge eyes and armor all over it, not to mention the wings. It was too small to be a regular horse, so it must have been a pony or something. That thought was just embarrassing, considering that it had knocked me out. That was another thing that confused me. A pony knocked me out, but a normal pony would have run away as soon as I had gotten off it. Not only did this pony push me off though, it purposely kicked me in the head as I was getting back up.

Something was going on here, and I didn't like it one bit. What I wouldn't give to tie that pony's wings to its side and toss it off the mountain, but that wasn't gonna happen any time soon with me stuck in a cell. All in all, I was pissed and freaked out at the same time. This world just shouldn't have been possible, with its ponies with wings and colors bright enough to put the sun to shame. Yet here I was, a human in the midst of all this strangeness. How did I get here? Did it have something to do with that glowing stone that I tried to grab? Maybe I should have left it alone, and then I would have only lost some sleep instead of ending up in some alternate world or something.

It was almost embarrassing how easily I had let my anger at losing sleep get the best of me. I was ex-military, and controlling your emotions was important, yet I still lost it. Even more insulting, I was knocked unconscious and taken prisoner! If it had been a human, it wouldn't be as irritating, but the fact that it had been a pony in golden armor only added fuel to the fire, and it wasn't long before I was gritting my teeth and muttering curses under my breath.

Determined not to let a pony get the best of me, I stood and walked over to the cell door, ignoring the protests of my bare feet. It looked just like any cell door you would expect in a dungeon, but there was rust along the bars, betraying an air of disuse. Maybe I could get out, depending on if the lock held. Hoping that luck was with me, I leaned against the door with my shoulder and took a few breaths. Holding it in on the last one, I stepped back and rushed forward.

"Fuck!" I shouted, my arm screaming at me as it contacted uselessly against the metal and my head protesting against the loud noise. As I fell back onto my bed and rubbed at my bruising shoulder, I thought about how stupid I was for thinking that the metal wasn't reinforced. They would have to, considering ponies could probably do a bit more damage than I could, at least while I was bare-handed. If I had some explosives, then that would be a different story. Unfortunately, the materials available wouldn't even come close, and I don't think that I'd be able to pick the lock.

I waited a minute, then two, but the commotion didn't draw any attention. No one came down to tell me to shut up or to knock me out again. I was left alone in the dark, with just the empty dungeon as company. I tried squinting to see if I could see into the cell across from me, but there wasn't enough light to get a good look at it. My world was reduced to the tiny cell that I occupied, and it wasn't hard to simply glance around and know the location of everything inside.

That left me with nothing to do, so I expanded my thoughts to the smaller details that had been ignored. My clothes had been dried, though I don't think I wanted to know how. If ponies had somehow stripped me down and dried my clothes before putting them back on, that would be strange indeed. My chosen answer was that they simply dried out while I was unconscious, which was much less invasive. My boots were gone of course, and I doubted I would ever see them again. If I had a knife, I'd cut up one of the blankets to wrap my feet, but who would be stupid enough to leave a knife in the hands of a prisoner?

In the end, I was stuck in a dark dungeon at the mercy of an animal. I had no food or water, and it didn't look like I'd be getting some any time soon. I wished I was back on Earth, and it didn't even matter that I'd have to climb a mountain if I was. Anything would be better than this insanity. Maybe if I could get out of my cell, I could follow that little river that I had climbed out of and maybe find that glowing stone thing. Grabbing it seemed to send me here, so maybe grabbing it again would send me back?

Wishful thinking, but what are the odds that I'd be able to find the damn thing? It could be miles away by now, and I doubt I'd make it very far before ponies with wings descended upon me. If I ever was able to find it, where would I turn up? Would it just smack me back into the cave in the side of a cliff, or would I be somewhere completely different?

All this thinking was just making my headache worse, which in effect just made me more irritated. Sighing in defeat, I laid back on the bed and crossed my arms behind my head, staring at the ceiling. One thing was definite in my mind as I closed my eyes to take a nap; if I get back to Earth, I'm never going rock climbing again.

I think that the world is conspiring against me, doing its very best to keep me from sleeping. Unfortunately, noise wakes me up much less nicely than light. Light just wakes you up slowly, but a loud, irritating noise is much faster. The noise in question was the creak of a door with hinges that needed oil like I needed water to survive. It scraped against my eardrums, and I almost clasped my hands to the sides of my head. I could hear the sound of hooves against stone echo down the hall once it was over, and before I knew it I was looking at Mr. Asshole, his blue eyes gazing at me through the bars. It was a slight relief to see that there was a twinge of fear in them, but not enough to make me feel any better about being rudely awoken.

"Finally awake?" it asked, narrowing its eyes slightly in a failed attempt to look serious.

So much for being tired. That thing just talked. A horse with wings just talked, and if I'm not mistaken it was definitely the voice of a guy. My sanity was naturally busy looking for a gun to shoot itself with at that point. Now my headache and bruised arm seemed like the least of my problems.

"How very observant of you," I replied, trying to keep any hint of nervousness out of my voice. "Honestly, I'm surprised you can talk."

That got him a little bit irritated. "What? Of course I can talk! You're the oddity here. How do you know Equestrian?"

"Equestrian? What the fuck is that? I'm speaking English."

"English? I've never heard of that, and you're definitely speaking Equestrian." He looked determined, which meant he probably wouldn't leave me alone...

"Whatever you say," I said, rolling my eyes. Sitting up, I steadied myself against a wave of protests in my head before looking him in the eye. "Now, what do you want?"

"I came down to check on you." He seemed to calm down slightly as the topic changed, but he still looked tense.

I raised an eyebrow and looked at him, not really believing for a second that he was here just for that.

"Also," he continued, "I figured you might be hungry." Leaving my sight for a second, he returned with a tray balanced on his back. Topped with some kind of sandwich, a bowl of salad, a fork, and a pitcher of water accompanied by a small glass, it didn't look like something you would give to a prisoner.

I tried to keep a neutral expression, but stomachs tend to betray you when they're hungry.

"Guess I was right, eh?" Grabbing the key between his teeth, he unlocked the door and set the tray down inside, watching me the entire time until he closed it again.

"Who's it from?" I asked. "How do I know that it's not poisoned?" I may have been a little bit paranoid, but considering I was the prisoner of a talking pegasus, I had a right to be.

"Poisoned?" he repeated, cocking his head in confusion. "Why would we poison you? You can't really do much in that cell."

I shrugged, but he had a decent point. "Can never be too careful." Leaning over the edge of my bed, I picked up the tray and set it on my lap. Picking up the fork, it crossed my mind to throw it at him. It was a nice metal fork, so I'm pretty sure it could puncture skin easily. The thought was quickly dismissed however, since it would probably just lead to more trouble than I was already in.

It also occurred to me that ponies don't eat meat. The salad looked perfectly normal, like any other salad that you could order at a restaurant on Earth. The sandwich, however, was a different story. I've eaten plenty of sandwiches, and I've never seen one without some kind of meat on it.

"What's in the sandwich?" I asked, pointing at it with my free hand while I stuffed a forkful of salad in my mouth with the other.

He blinked, as if I had just asked him to chase his own tail. "It's just a normal dandelion sandwich."

Okay, now that's just wrong. I can understand those vegetarian sandwiches that some places serve in my world, but a dandelion sandwich? Who the fuck makes a sandwich with dandelions?

"That," I said, pointing the fork at him and swallowing, "is disgusting." I laughed, which surprised both of us. "I mean, why on earth would you make a sandwich out of dandelions?"

"You don't eat dandelions?"

My god, it was like talking to a moron. "No, I don't." I pulled my upper lip back with a finger, exposing my incisors and canines. "Do I look like I eat dandelions?"

His eyes widened slightly and he swallowed. "Not really, no."

"Then there you have it." I impaled a piece of lettuce and tomato with the fork and munched on it thoughtfully. "If you're not going to kill me, what do you plan on doing with me?" It seemed like a good question at the time.

He shrugged his wings. "Don't know yet. The princesses haven't decided on what to do with you. They wanted to think it over a bit and meet you first, so I was instructed to make sure you had food and water."

Well, that didn't really raise my hopes. Considering that I had basically assaulted a guard, I don't think that I would stand much chance in court or whatever they did in this world. At best, I'd probably either stay locked up or get poked and prodded by a bunch of ponies in lab coats, if they even had scientists, that is.

"So," I said, deciding to pursue this new topic, "when am I supposed to meet these princesses?"

"They wanted to meet you as soon as you've had a chance to eat," he replied. "I told the guard outside that I would bring food down here just in case you woke up."

Great, I get to find out sooner rather than later what my fate will be. "All right. Guessing I'll have to be escorted?"

"Yep, I'll be taking you to the throne room, then you're on your own."

Leaving a human alone with princesses? Did this guy even remember how I had pinned him so easily?

Seeming to sense my thoughts, he continued. "If you're thinking about attacking them like you did me, you might want to think again."

"Hey," I retorted, "you came running at me, so of course I'm going to defend myself."

That shut him up. He seemed to think about it for a minute, opening and closing his mouth a few times as he tried to think of something to say.

"Cat got your tongue?" I asked, swallowing another mouthful of food.

He breathed a sigh and shook his head. "I guess I wasn't thinking it through all the way... I'm sorry."

I raised an eyebrow, since an apology was not in the least what I had expected. I expected him to come up with some stupid comeback, but he surprised me. "Apology accepted, I guess," I replied, since I couldn't really think of anything else to say.

"Thanks. What's your name anyway?"

"Jack." I stuck with my first name since I don't really see much point in last names.

"I'm Swift Wing," he said. "Sorry again, Jack"

Okay, I was not expecting anything like that. I know ponies wouldn't have similar names to humans, but Swift Wing? What the hell? In our earlier encounter, I'd say he was anything but swift, and he didn't even fly.

"Neat name," I replied. Insults would likely get me nowhere.

"Oh, thanks. I'm a fast flier, so I guess it makes sense."

I chuckled slightly. "You could say that." Spearing another bit of salad with my fork, I couldn't help thinking about how every bite brought me closer to what might just decide whether I rot here or rot somewhere else.

"So," I began, turning the subject back to my impending meeting, "I'm supposed to meet these princesses when I finish eating?"

"Yes," he replied. "Once you finish, I'll tell the guard outside and he'll notify them, then we just wait to see what they say."

"All right. I guess I better hurry then." Eating and drinking a bit faster, I sincerely hoped that they didn't say anything that involved me being executed or turned into a human lab rat.

Swift Wing offered no reply, opting instead to wait for me to finish before taking the tray and locking me in while he went to talk to the guard outside. He returned after a couple minutes and sat down.

"You've drawn quite a crowd outside," he said. "We shouldn't have to wait long."

Great, I thought, everyone's here to see the freak show. I shouldn't have been surprised, really. If I had been on Earth and a talking pony with wings had been captured, I'd want to take pictures of that.

Swift was true to his word though. After a couple minutes of silence the dungeon door opened on its bitchy hinges, and a rather gruff voice called out.

"Swift Wing," it said, "Princess Celestia says that she wants to meet the creature that you found."

Swifty raised a hoof to his forehead in what appeared to be a salute, his body stiffening just like a Marine. "Right away, sir."

He quickly unlocked the cell and held it open for me. It crossed my mind to strangle him as I stepped out, but it also occurred to me that this Princess Celestia character may not approve of guards being strangled to death.

"Gonna tie my hands behind my back or something?" I asked, opting to be compliant if it helped my case at all.

"No. If you try to escape, you'll just be captured again."

He had a good point, since I was surely going to be in the sights of just about every guard in the place once I got outside. "Fair enough."

"Okay, follow me then." He turned and walked down the hallway. Since I didn't want to stay in there any longer than necessary, I followed after him, my bare feet cold against the stone.

When Swift said that I drew a crowd, I didn't expect the mass of colors awaiting me that would have made an epileptic have a seizure. There were tons of them, and I spotted some ponies that had horns instead of wings, and some that didn't have wings or horns. I was right about the guards, though. As soon as I stepped out of the dungeon, I saw them everywhere, mixed in with the ponies that wore fancy clothes instead of armor. The creepy part is that most of them looked alike, with the same blue eyes and white coats as Swift Wing.

"Are you all clones or something?" I asked.

"Huh?" He followed my line of sight and chuckled. "Oh, no. We just look alike because of the spell that's woven into our armor."

"Spell?" I hoped that he didn't mean actual magic, otherwise my sanity may start to flip out again. Ponies with horns are one thing, but if they can actually teleport or levitate things or whatever, then that's completely different.

"Yeah, the unicorns have a similar one on their armor."

Dammit. That got my eye twitching again, and I was desperately hoping that I wouldn't freak out in front of the princesses. I managed to keep my mouth shut, though, so he wouldn't be tempted to mention something else that might push me over the edge. However, I couldn't stop myself from looking around, so it wasn't long before I noticed how low the sun was in the sky.

"How long was I out?" I asked.

"A few hours," Swift replied. "Luckily I didn't kick you too hard, or you would probably still be unconscious."

He could kick harder? Note to self: Do not challenge a pony to kick you as hard as they can.

"Didn't think you'd draw such a crowd," he continued, glancing around at the assembled guards and pones. Some of them had their heads cocked curiously, while others whispered to each other.

I'm pretty sure a few were betting on what would happen to me. Heck, I would've joined in if I wasn't the center of attention. Prying my eyes from the large crowd, I kept my eyes on the back of Swift Wing's head. The scene around us reminded me of the red carpet in Hollywood, except there were no paparazzi and much less noise. The swarm of ponies formed a kind of path for Swift and I, leading through a large, grassy courtyard to a pair of large doors that loomed before us. It didn't look like they would be opening without a ton of guards pushing on them. As we made our way through the throng, a couple Unicorn guards, their coats dark grey compared to Swift's white, stepped toward the door, their horns beginning to glow. The doors themselves were surrounded in the same soft golden color as they began to open. I was really glad that I wasn't a target at the moment.

Inside was, big surprise, another pair of large doors! What is with castles and big doors? Couldn't they just settle for smaller ones? Since my mind was now occupied with the debate over doors that I had unwittingly started, I didn't notice the doors had opened until Swift Wing gave me a nudge with one of his wings.

"What?" I asked, then looked at the open room. "Oh, sorry." I stepped inside, and the doors shut behind me as I entered.

Apparently, I was to have a solo meeting with the princesses. Not really comforting. With no means of escape available, I resigned to my fate and walked forward, trying to avoid setting foot on the cold marble as much as possible while I made my way toward the large throne near the back of the room. I stopped a short distance away from it and sat down, waiting to see if anyone would show up. When no one did, I slowly got bored and irritated.

Why ask to see me then not show up? I thought to myself. I would think that being rude would be frowned upon just as much in this world as it was in mine. With nothing else to do, I figured I'd take a look around. The room was huge, with massive pillars holding it up, and large windows set in regular intervals into the walls. They were some kind of stained glass, I guessed, with large scenes depicted in them. The colors, of course, were still too damn bright.

One window in particular caught my eye. It depicted a creature that seemed to leap straight from the imagination, its body constructed from parts of different animals to the point where it was almost scary. Who the hell would come up with such a creature? I've heard of Chimeras and Manticores, but this thing was just flat out weird.

"Discord is quite the sight, isn't he?" asked a feminine voice, jarring me from my thoughts.

I turned around to make a reply, only for my mouth to hang open embarrassingly. Unicorns and pegasi were weird, but the thing standing in front of me was somehow weird and awesome at the same time.

Chapter 2: A Chat With Royalty

Ponies with wings are weird. Ponies with horns are weird. Put them together though, and you get something that actually looks pretty cool. The mash-up standing in front of me was slightly taller than I was, with a much larger horn and wings than any of the ponies outside. Her coat was pure white, and her mane was comprised of about four different colors that I didn't know the exact names for. Speaking of her mane, it freaking moved in the air like it was submerged in water. The one thing about her that threw me off was that she had a tattoo of the sun on her ass. Who the hell puts a tattoo on their ass?

"Are you all right?" she asked, cocking her head slightly.

I had been staring with my mouth open, which was probably the reason for that question. I hastily snapped my mouth shut and  blinked a few times. "Yeah, I'm fine. Princess Celestia, I presume?"

She smiled softly and nodded. "That is correct. May I ask your name?"

"Jack," I replied. It didn't seem to phase her that I could speak the same language.

She didn't even blink, as if my name was perfectly normal in a world of talking ponies. "It is nice to meet you, Jack. I must admit, you have caused a bit of a stir."

That sounded like an understatement, considering the number of ponies that had been outside staring at me.

"Sorry about that," I replied, scratching the back of my neck and avoiding her eyes.

"Oh, it's quite all right," she said, dismissing it with her hoof. When she continued, her smile wasn't there, which was probably a bad thing for me. "However, I would like to know why you attacked one of my guards."

I raised up my hands, just in case she tried to attack me. "It was in self-defense. He was running at me, so I assumed that he was going to attack me." To my relief, she just chuckled.

"No need to worry," she said. "Swift Wing informed me about the encounter while you were unconscious. I don't believe that you attacked him with the intent to harm him."

Then why the hell did you ask me that question? I thought, luckily not blurting it out like I wanted to. Instead, I opted for a different question. "If it seems like I didn't do anything wrong, then why was I in a dungeon?"

"I ordered it. To be honest, I have never seen a creature quite like you, so I didn't know what to expect."

"And I've never met talking ponies either, so I guess we're a bit even in that category."

She gave me a questioning look. "Are you saying that you are not from Equestria?"

No, I'm saying that the sky is made of potatoes. "Yep. I'm from Earth, and we don't have any talking equines there."

"You don't?"

"Nope. The only things that talk so far are humans."

"Humans?" She pronounced it slightly wrong, and her eyes were a little wider. "Is that what your species is called?"

"Yep, and on Earth we're the only things that can talk, though parrots can mimic our speech."

"That's strange," she said, her brow slightly furrowed. "You don't know of any other sentient creatures?"

"No, why? Are there talking birds here too or something?"

She chuckled. "Not that I know of, but there are others who can talk, like the buffalo and the cows."

My eye twitch almost returned with a vengeance. Talking buffalo and cows? What's next, talking snakes?

"Interesting," I managed to say.

"I'm sure it's not very easy to handle being in a different world," she said. "Could you possibly tell me some details about your own?"

"Sure, what do you want to know?" I made a mental note to avoid anything that had to do with war. Telling her that humans kill each other just because they don't agree on something would most likely not help my position at all.

Celestia tapped her chin for a moment, trying to think of a question I guess. Just as she was about to open her mouth though, my stomach gave a little growl, and I remembered that I hadn't eaten anything except a salad, and salad does not fill you up.

"What do humans eat?" she asked.

Dammit, I was hoping that wouldn't come up. Ponies don't eat meat, and I had no idea how Celestia would react if I told her that humans eat things like cows and chickens.

"Well," I began, "that depends on what country on Earth you're in."

"What do you mean?"

"Well, humans are separated into a ton of different countries, and some of them are completely different than others. The United States, for example, speaks a different language than China or Russia."

"Interesting, and how do their eating habits differ?"

"Well, I'm not sure about Russia, but China has a much larger range of foods than the U.S. Generally though, humans are all omnivores, except for the occasional vegetarian or vegan."

"So humans eat meat?" she asked, her voice devoid of any hint of fear or distaste.

I blinked in surprise for a second, then nodded. "Yeah, mostly stuff like chicken, pork, beef, and seafood."

She nodded, as if it was a very familiar concept. "You looked a little surprised at my reaction. Did you think I would be disgusted?"

"Frankly, yes." How the hell was I supposed to know that she wouldn't give a damn if I ate meat?

Celestia chuckled and smiled again. "Ponies are no strangers to those who eat meat. Griffins eat meat, and they are welcome in Equestria."

Good to know that yet another mythological creature existed in this place. "Well, that's very reassuring."

"I'm sure. Now, I believe you mentioned something about human culture. Would you mind explaining a little more?"

I sighed and thought for a moment. I always sucked when it came to culture, since I never really gave a damn about any of that stuff.

"That also depends on where you are," I said. "The United States is way different than Russia for example. I don't really know much about the entire culture, but I do know that the U.S. has a high regard for technology and science."

That seemed to get her even more curious. "What kind of technology?"

"Well, a big portion of it I think goes toward medicine to treat illnesses, and that has increased our life expectancy a lot. We also focus on transportation. We have cars that run on stuff called fossil fuels and can drive on the ground at pretty high speeds. There's planes that humans use to travel through the air, and we have tons of different boats and ships that we use to get over large bodies of water."

The plane bit seemed to spark her interest. "How do these planes work? Those of us who cannot fly use hot-air balloons, and I believe one of my subjects uses something that she calls a helicopter."

Okay, the way that she was so curious and knew nothing about what I was talking about was starting to get cute. "Well," I began, trying to hide the smile on my face, "they use engines and different designs to keep them in the air. Jets have engines in the back, while the larger planes used for transportation have two large wings on either side with engines attached to them."

"Wouldn't that have a negative effect on their ability to fly?" she asked, cocking her head.

"No, planes don't need to flap their wings to stay in the air."

"Amazing," she replied, eyes wide, "and they have the ability to transport you through the air without doing so? I have never heard of such a feat."

"Probably because it isn't needed here. Since there are pegasi and hot-air balloons like you mentioned, you probably don't need a massive form of transport like a plane."

"True. The largest form of transportation we have is a train."

"We have those too, and Japan has a kind of train that uses large magnets to hover just above the rails, which allows it to go a bit faster."

"Humans are certainly resourceful creatures."

"Yeah, and we're always working on something new. We have mechanical satellites orbiting the planet the allow us to communicate over huge distance with cell-phones, keep up with the news on Television, and basically keep us connected."

"Orbiting the planet? Do you mean that they are in space?"

"Basically. Science also works on a ton of stuff involving space travel. We've landed a man on the moon that orbits around our planet, and there's a rover on another planet in our solar system that takes pictures and videos of the surroundings."

"I assume that humans like to explore then, correct?"

"A lot of us do, while others would rather just stick with what they know. It took a long time for scientists to figure out that Earth orbits around the sun, instead of the other way around. That was because of a bunch of religious nuts that argued against it, and don't even think about asking about religions. I don't even want to go there."

That made her blink in confusion. "Let me get this straight. Your planet rotates around its axis, causing a false view of the sun going up in the morning and down at sunset?"

"What?" I asked, not really understanding what she meant. Was Equestria stationary or something?

"I am the princess of the sun," she explained. "I control its movement at all times during the day. Have your scientists managed to prove their theory to be true?"

Okay, so she basically said that she controls the sun, the fucking sun. How the hell do you control a massive ball of super-heated plasma like that?

"Well, maybe your sun is different. This theory has been found to be true for a long time now. It's a common fact that basically everyone knows. The last time someone questioned it was back in the middle ages, and don't ask about that either..."

"Very well. I believe you, but I still find it rather odd."

"Another reason that it may be different is that the sun that Earth orbits around is much brighter than what I've seen here. I had no problem looking directly at it. If I tried that back home, it could cause serious damage to my eyes in a short time, probably a couple minutes at most." I furrowed my eyebrows. "Maybe the sun here is... artificial?" If that was true, then I was definitely gonna spend a while banging my head against a padded wall in some insane asylum.

She frowned and raised an eyebrow at me. "Are you making the suggestion... that the sun I am in control of, the sun that provides warmth and light to all of Equestria and beyond, is the creation of a living being?"

I blinked a few times, slightly confused. "Uhm, possibly? I've only been here for, maybe a few hours at most? I couldn't know if your sun is real or not."

Suddenly, there was a burst of laughter as a dark blue, shorter version of Celestia appeared out of thin air. It actually made me jump and back up a couple steps. I should have expected it though. If someone can control the sun, then why not appear out of thin air at your convenience?

"Hello, sister," Celestia said, rolling her eyes slightly.

"Hello, Tia," she replied, her laughter winding down as she looked at me. "I am Princess Luna. It is nice to meet you, Jack."

One, I love how she has like a pet name for her sister. Two, how the hell did she know my name? "Have you been listening to our conversation?"

She chuckled and smiled. "Of course! I wanted to meet you as well, but I decided to let my sister speak with you for a while. Did you really send a human to the moon?"

"Yeah, Neil Armstrong, and he went there and came back."

She smiled. "That's amazing! How did you manage it?"

"Well we used large rockets to get them into space, and two astronauts landed on the surface of the moon while one stayed in orbit around in a command module so he could pick them up when they were finished." I wasn't a big science guy, so I neglected to mention the other details of the mission.

"It must have required a huge amount of energy."

"Yeah, but it proved that we could do anything if could set our mind to it."

Luna opened her mouth to speak again, only to be shot down by Celestia. "It is getting late, sister. We should let our guest get some rest. You can always ask him questions later."

"Wait," I said, wishing to clarify something, "do I have to go back to the dungeon?"

She looked at me as if I had turned into a dog. "Of course not. You will get a room in the tower that we normally reserve for ambassadors. Swift Wing will escort you there, and I think that I'll assign a guard to you in the morning for your own safety."

More likely to keep an eye on me, I thought. "Sounds fair." I crossed my arms and smiled slightly. Anything was better than being stuck in that dark dungeon.

"Sister, could we assign one of the Night Guard?" Luna asked.

Celestia thought about it for a moment. "I don't see why not."

Her sister flashed a mischievous smile, which I didn't particularly trust since I didn't know her very well. "I'll go ask the captain if he can spare anyone."

With that, she vanished once again, and I was left with Celestia. Since the questions seemed to be over with, I figured I'd try asking one of my own.

"Do you think I might be able to get a pair of boots?" I asked, pointing at my bare feet. "I'm not used to walking around barefoot like this."

Celestia smiled and nodded. "I'm sure that we can come up with something, but it will have to wait until tomorrow."

I sighed and nodded in understanding. When she offered no further comments or questions, I took it as my queue to leave, walking back to the large double doors that opened before I even got close to them. Swift was waiting outside, a bored expression on his face that told me that he must have been waiting outside.

"Hey Jack," he said. "How did it go?"

"I'm still alive, aren't I?" I replied.

He chuckled and rolled his eyes. "I guess. You ready to head to your new quarters?"

"Yeah, hopefully I can actually sleep for once."

Swift made no reply, instead heading off down the hall without even waiting for me. I hurried after him, my feet protesting about the cold marble at first, then quieting down as I got used to it. As we went on, I did my best to get acquainted with the hallways that we passed through, just in case I had to find my way back at some point. A lot of it looked the same, with tapestries hung at certain intervals being the only thing that I could actually differentiate. The doors all looked the same, and I knew I wouldn't be able to rely on the appearances of guards since they were all fucking identical.

Surprisingly, it didn't take long before we were ascending a spiral staircase into what I guessed was the ambassador's tower. The steps were wider and shorter than what I was used to, probably because of the height and body differences between humans and ponies. Swift handled it with ease, while I was taking steps two or three at a time just to make it feel more normal. Unfortunately, there were a lot of stairs, and I didn't have very much energy to spare. By the time we finally reached the top, my breathing was a little shallow.

Swift looked back at me with a raised eyebrow. "You all right?"

I waved it away and chuckled. "Yeah, I'm just a little tired." Taking a few deep breaths, I nodded at him to continue, and we walked down yet another corridor to a door that was slightly taller than myself.

Giving it a push with his shoulder, Swift gestured inside. "Here you go."

"Thanks," I replied, pushing the door open a bit wider and stepping inside. It was definitely an improvement over my cell, with a bed big enough for me to actually sleep in, and a pretty nice view from a decent-sized balcony. It wasn't as flashy as I expected, with just a few decorations here and there. The room itself was mostly a big circle, with nightstands next to the bed and a dresser sitting off to the side. There was a lantern on one of the nightstands, used for late night wandering I guess.

Swift watched me look around for a moment before speaking up. "Goodnight, Jack. I guess I'll see you in the morning."

"G'night, Swift," I said without so much as a glance back at him. I may have accepted his apology, but that doesn't mean I can't be a bit angry at getting knocked unconscious by a pegasus.

He said something else that I didn't catch before he left, closing the door behind him. Of course, I took that opportunity to head straight to the bed, where hopefully I could sleep without interruption. Unfortunately, I had barely made it to the edge before I heard the sound of someone tapping on glass. Looking over, I saw Luna waving at me from the balcony, a smile on her face.

"Damn," I muttered, walking over and opening the door separating her from me.

"Hello again, Jack!" she said, stepping inside and allowing me to close the door.

"Hey Luna," I replied automatically, "what do you need?" As she passed, I couldn't help but notice that she had a tattoo on her ass just like her sister, except instead of a sun, it was a crescent moon surrounded by a bunch of black, which I guessed was supposed to be the night sky or something.

"I just wanted to ask a few more questions," she said, acting like it would only take a few minutes of my time.

Knowing that it would probably be much longer, I sat down on the edge of the bed with a sigh. "All right, go ahead."

She smiled and sat down in front of me. "Could you tell me more about those mechanical satellites that you mentioned?"

"Well," I began, not really sure where to start, "they have a bunch of different purposes. We use them for radio stations, which allow us to listen to music almost anywhere. Some companies offer satellite dishes that allow you to watch different events on television without leaving your home."

"Like a scrying spell?" she asked, cocking her head slightly.

"Sort of," I replied, though I had no idea what a scrying spell was. "Those satellites also tend to be in a geosynchronous orbit, which means that they move at the same speed that the Earth turns, so they stay in basically the same spot all the time."

"Interesting, so you wouldn't have to adjust anything once it's in position?"

"Not unless something moves it. If it snows a lot then the satellite dish on your house may be tilted enough to lose the signal to the satellite though."

"So it's a slightly delicate balance."

"I guess you could say that. We also use them for something called GPS, which stands for Global Positioning System. It allows us to know where we are at all times."

She frowned slightly. "Like putting a tracking spell on yourself?"

I couldn't help but chuckle. "Not really. We mostly use it to help us to get to places that we want to go. If someone wants to travel to a different place that's far away, then they can use their GPS to set a course that they can follow."

"I see. It sounds very helpful."

"It can be, especially when you're going somewhere new and you don't know the area very well. Just enter an address into the machine and it gives you a route to follow."

"What about the satellites themselves? How do you get them into space?"

"We use rockets like the ones used to send Neil Armstrong to the moon. Depending on where we want the satellite, I guess they choose a spot on Earth to launch from and work from there."

Before she could ask another question, I decided to bring up something else. "We also have a satellite that's designed for something else. It's called the Hubble Telescope, and we use it to take pictures of distant galaxies and stars."

Her eyes lit up and she smiled. "So humans are interested in astronomy?"

"Yes, and they have been for a long time. Aliens are a big topic because a lot of people want to know whether or not we're the only sentient life around."

She chuckled, covering her mouth with a hoof. "Why would they wonder? Of course there must be sentient life elsewhere."

"Yeah, well some people won't believe it until they get proof. To be honest, I always thought that if Earth was the only planet with sentient life then something is definitely wrong. Why have only one planet with living things?"

"Exactly!" she replied. "It only makes sense for there to be others, even though they may not be close enough to notice."

"There are reports of alien activities sometimes, like someone sees a UFO or something. I find it a bit odd because they always seem to grab their lowest-quality camera to record it. There's even a place in the United States called Area 51 that has a bunch of hype around it. People used to think, and some probably still do, that alien technology and specimens are kept there. If you ask me, it's probably nothing more than a base used for secret projects." I was careful to avoid mentioning the word military.

"Why would they be kept secret?"

"Some people don't want their ideas stolen while they're working on them, so they work in secret until they're finished. Even then they don't usually reveal it until they're ready."

"Oh," she said. "That seems reasonable."

With that out of the way, Luna continued to fire question after question with no end in sight. It started to feel like a game of Jeopardy instead of a simple question and answer session, except I wasn't getting any points for my answers and the only opponent that I was trying to beat was her damned curiosity. After what seemed like a couple hours had gone by, she finally paused and yawned.

"Thank you for answering my questions, Jack," she said. "Sorry for keeping you awake, but I was so curious!"

"It's fine," I lied. I had really wanted to get some sleep instead of answering questions. "You might want to get some sleep yourself."

She chuckled and smiled. "Yes, I am feeling a little tired at the moment. But before I go, I talked to the captain about assigning a guard to you."

"And? What did they say?"

"He said that he knows just the bat pony for the job. You'll meet them in the morning." She started walking back onto the balcony.

"Wait a second," I said.

She stopped and looked at me. "What?"

"What do you mean by a bat pony?" I asked. I'd seen pegasi and unicorns, but I had no idea what the fuck a bat pony looked like.

She flashed the mischievous smile that I didn't like. "You'll see in the morning."

Before I could reply, she stepped out onto the balcony and spread her wings, taking flight and leaving me alone. Still wondering what the hell a bat pony was, I sighed and closed the balcony doors before getting in bed and pulling the covers to my neck.

"I really don't like that smile of hers," I muttered, placing my hands behind my head and closing my eyes.

Whatever a bat pony looked like, I was sure that it couldn't be that weird, could it?