The Cutie Mark Crusaders' Cooking Show

by nss10

Rating: everyone
Tags: Comedy, Random
Length: 2392

Apple Bloom, Scootaloo, and Sweetie Belle start to make cooking videos online. Picture by Insolitus

One day the Cutie Mark Crusaders got an idea to make a cooking web show to get their cutie marks, so come on and see the carnage. Picture by Insolitus

Published 1970-01-01 00:00:00 UTC
Last updated 2014-11-08 06:04:44 UTC

Demonic Sludge

     One sunny day in Ponyville three fillies had an idea, this idea was to make a web series on cooking.  This had possibly been the worst idea they could ever come up with as none of the children had any experience!  So they just did what they knew best, messed everything up.

     "Scootaloo turn on the computer and open Ponytube," exclaimed Sweetie Belle.  The magenta-haired filly opened the laptop and did as Sweetie Belle said.  "Alright now click record!"

     "Alright, you don't have do yell," Scootaloo replied with slight irritation.  The last filly who goes by the name Applebloom was in the corner of their clubhouse deep in thought.

     "What will we make, and how will we make it," Applebloom thought to herself, curious as to how they would pull this off.  She walked to the fridge and got out some ingredients which consisted of: various pots and pans, Chocolates, milk, eggs, hot sauce, and a bunch of "Monster" energy drink (Only celestia knows how Scootaloo's heart is still beating).

     The crusaders then gathered at the table and started the video.  "Hello Equestria, welcome to our cooking show," the crusaders said in unison.  They then immediately got to work, Applebloom cracked eggs and threw the shells into a pan, Scootaloo mixed together the milk and energy drink, and Sweetie Belle threw all of the other interesting ingredients into a pot.

     "As you can see we are all very experienced chefponies," Scootaloo said as she put all of their mixtures in one big pot.  "Now all we have to do is find a way to heat our... whatever this is!"  The crusaders hauled the pot over to their "EasyPony" oven, and they then put the pot inside.

     "Now all we have to do is flip random knobs and the magic food gods will bless our dish," Applebloom explained.  The fillies all waited for about five minutes and they opened their "oven".  They were greeted with a putrid smell and a greenish-brown liquid, but the girls were confident that it would taste delicious.  They then pulled sticks to see who would try their food which could probably be considered a chemical weapon.  Scootaloo got the shortest stick, unknowing that Applebloom and Sweetie Belle had rigged it.  When she went in for a taste she nearly threw up, the substance smelled like a skunk had bathed in grease.  Not wanting to look bad in front of the camera, Scootaloo ate some of the gunk and she immediately went for the clubhouse window.  Applebloom and Sweetie Belle winced as their friend expelled of the satanic slop.

     "Oh mah' celestia, she actually did it," said a concerned Applebloom.  Scootaloo fell on the club house floor and began to lie down, both eyes twitching.  "Ah' think we need to get her to the hospital right now!"  Sweetie Belle and Applebloom began to carry Scootaloo toward the Ponyville hospital.  Scootaloo began to mumble incoherently out of her drowsiness, and Applebloom said, "Aww, she's so cute when she needs her stomach pumped."

     "Applebloom, don't you realize that if we don't get there soon she might get worse... huh she does look cute," Sweetie Belle replied.  Soon the hospital appeared in the distance and the their pace quickened, but then the children realized that they forgot to stop recording.  Sweetie Belle clicked the button to stop recording and in the process of doing so she dropped Scootaloo on the ground.

     "Ouch..." groaned the orange filly, as she held her stomach in agony.  Scootaloo, who was still aching on the ground picked up a "Monster" energy drink and drank it all in one chug.

     "Maybe we should just leave her here she's gonna die anyways," said Applebloom looking at the friend who was in awful condition.  Sweetie Belle looked at Applebloom with a look of pure disgust.  "What you know I'm just kidding!"

     "Well now isn't the time for jokes, we need to get Scootaloo to the infirmary," replied the off-white filly.  The two nodded and dragged Scootaloo by her back hooves in though the door.  "Our friend here needs her stomach pumped because she may or may not have eaten a toxic mixture."

     The white mare at the desk gagged at the sight of the filly who had left a long trail of "Monster" energy drink behind her.  "get her over here we need to get her to the emergency room right away!"  Applebloom scooted the filly toward the stretcher and the mare took off speeding into the hospital.  Sweetie Belle grabbed the computer and began to upload the video, and Applebloom gave Sweetie Belle a nasty look.

     "What, I'm not going to let the video go to waste," Sweetie Belle said.  She then closed the laptop, content with the progress.  The two fillies sat in silence waiting for the operation to be done.  "Shouldn't we tell Scootaloo's parents about this?"

     "Nah' she can tell em later when we're not around," said Applebloom who was concerned of punishment.  "Wait who are Scootaloo's parents?"

     "I don't know, maybe they're just huge shut-ins that never go out of their house," Sweetie Belle answered.

     "So how bout' them Lakers," Applebloom asked.

     "They suck as usual," The white filly responded.  The two children decided to wait in silence from that point until Scootaloo came out of the hospital.  "You know what, I'm going to go home and bug Rarity while I wait, see ya!"

     "Goodbye, I'm going to go back to the farm," Applebloom said.  Both fillies went their separate ways as they waited for their friend to get her stomach rid of the demonic sludge.

Scootagestion

     The next day Scootaloo was released from the hospital, however the doctors said Scootaloo had a minor case of the "Shits" and that she may need to be near a restroom for the next twenty-four hours.  The fillies were disheartened that they could not go crusading as they normally would because Scootaloo needs to get the rest of the sludge out of her system.

     "This sucks, we're stuck here because Scootaloo has bowels of thunder," Applebloom said.

     "How is it my fault that I need to use the restroom," Scootaloo asked angrily.  Sweetie Belle stood next to the bickering duo as she thought of what they could do.  "Besides if anyone is at loss here it's me because I can't eat any of my favorite foods for a week."  She then picked up a can of mush and said, "This is the crap I have to eat just because you guys made me eat the "Trash a la mode".

     Scootaloo's stomach made an audible squishing noise and she said, "Oh crap not again!"  Scootaloo ran inside the Apple's home and slammed the restroom door.

     "You alright in there," Applebloom said, hoping Scootaloo wouldn't make a mess.  The two fillies whose ears had been up to the door heard horrendous sounds, and it was almost like being in a storm at sea.  There were many noises such as pow, crack, and splash.

     "Oh my god," Scootaloo screamed, everything going on was just too much, and then it stopped.  "Yes it stopped!"  There was a moment of pure silence until once more the noises began and a whirlwind of pain started up.  "Why Celestia, why!"

     "Ah' think we should give her some privacy," Applebloom said moving away from the door.  "Glad ah' didn't drink that sludge," Applebloom whispered toward Sweetie Belle.

     "Yeah, that would really suck to be going through that," Sweetie Belle replied.  "I guess I'm going to see how the videos doing."  "Alright just gotta open up Ponytube."

     There was only one comment on the video and it said, "Wow, I wouldn't eat that for one-million bits."

      "Huh, I guess that didn't go so well," Applebloom said.  She then walked closer to the door and said, "Hey Scootaloo would you eat the sludge for one-million bits?"

     "I'm kind of busy here," Scootaloo replied getting very impatient.  Applebloom and Sweetie Belle sat down and began to play Texas hold em' as they waited for their orange friend.  They had just began and Sweetie Belle had an amazing hand, it was a pair of aces.  Applebloom just had a king and queen, both of hearts.  They made bets until Sweetie Belle went all in, however she didn't expect Applebloom to do the same.  The cards currently shown were an ace of spades, a two of clubs, and a five of hearts.  The two ponies showed their cards and then revealed the next cards.  Applebloom was scared as Sweetie Belle had a three of a kind.  Sweetie thought that victory was in her hooves until the cards shown were a three of hearts and a seven of hearts.  Applebloom was so excited as she had won with a flush (five cards of the same suit) due to Sweetie only having three of a kind!  Just as Applebloom was collecting her winnings the door swung open, Scootaloo had ruined the game.

     "Dang, why'd you have to do that Scootaloo," Applebloom said with anger.

     "Whatever, It's not like you were playing for long," Scootaloo replied.  Scootaloo then whispered to Sweetie Belle, "You owe me."

     "Okay everyone, now we can go do something," Sweetie Belle said looking at her friends.

     "Oh my Celestia, my chest hurts so bad," Scootaloo said while falling to the ground writhing in pain.  The orange filly continued to roll on the ground in pain for about five minutes until someone decided to look for medicine.  They wandered around Applebloom's house looking for medication until they made it to the dining room.

     "Alright here is where we keep medicine, whenever Big Mac is hurting he just grabs a whole bunch of pills and takes em' with hard cider," Applebloom said to Scootaloo.  Scootaloo followed what her yellow friend said and she grabbed all the pills she could find.  "Now all we have to do is find Big Mac's stash of cider."  The trio of fillies ran up toward Big Mac's room and scoured the room looking for bottles, and they could only find a half-filled bottle of cider that smelled odd.

     "Alright here goes nothing," Scootaloo said as she began to take some of the pills.  Scootaloo's vision blurred and she was out like a light.

     "Are we going to have ta' drag her back to the infirmary again," Applebloom said.

Cooking Lessons and Pink Problems

     A couple days later after Scootaloo nearly died from overdose, the fillies decided that if their cooking show was going to get popular they would need to learn how to cook.  The fillies knew exactly who to ask.

     "PINKIE PIE," the trio yelled in unison.  Without another thought the fillies ran off toward Sugarcube Corner excited to see everyone's favorite pony.  During the run towards Sugarcube Corner they debated as to what they would learn to bake.

     "Ah' think we should make muffins," Applebloom said with a face of sheer anticipation.

     "Well I think we should make fruit cocktails," Scootaloo said only getting more excited.

     "Scootaloo whats wrong with you," Sweetie Belle said giving Scootaloo a confused look.  Scootaloo shrugged and the group continued on their merry way.  They neared Sugarcube Corner and their minds were filled with the scents of delicious pastries, muffins, and cupcakes.  Soon a Pink mare shot out of the corner and nearly gave the fillies a heart-attack.

     "Hi there guys, what's up," Pinkie Pie said to the unsuspecting fillies.

     "We want to learn how to make good food," Sweetie Belle said to Pinkie.

     "Alright, follow me," Pinkie pie said.  She then lead the crusaders into the kitchen only to see a rather large pile of cocaine.  "Um you never saw that M'kay?"  The fillies nodded their heads and Pinkie got out the ingredients which consisted of the following: various tools, milk, batter, eggs, "sugar", chocolate, and flour.  "Alright first things first, we put all of the sugar into a large pot," she said while dumping a massive bag of sugar into the pot.  "Next, we pour in some milk and add some eggs," once again she follows her own instruction.  "And then we mix it with the flower and chocolate."  "Lastly we add some special "herbs" and special "sugar" and heat it in the cupcake mold!"  All of them were relieved that the work had been done now they just had to wait for it to be heated.

     "This is gonna be so awesome," Scootaloo said having not eaten much other than mush.  As they waited, Pinkie began to smoke a joint, and there was so much smoke coming from it that Scootaloo ended up in getting high.

"I know right the bank ponies will never see it coming," Pinkie said nearly passing out on the table.  With a ping the oven opened showing ever so slightly burnt cupcakes.

  "I got the munchies," Pinkie yelled and immediately gobbled up the cupcakes.  The hyperactive pony bounced around the room until she crashed into the wall with a thud.  The pink pony was knocked out and most likely had a concussion.  The three ponies were shocked and disturbed by the event that took place in front of them and they had no idea what to do, so the three friends, one of which is stoned simply went back to their club house.

     "So who bets that Pinkie 'll be arrested before the day's end," Applebloom asked.

     "We'll get in on that action," Sweetie Belle and Scootaloo said.

     "How do we bet if no-one doesn't think she'll be arrested," Sweetie Belle asked.  The three fillies just shrugged and continued to do absolutely nothing.

     "I just realized that nothing bad happened to me other than getting high, that's a first," Scootaloo said.  Sweetie Belle and Applebloom began to don devious smiles.  "Nope, Nope, and double nope," Scootaloo said while running towards the clubhouse door only to get grabbed by the devious duo.

     "Cutie Mark Crusader Hair dressers," Sweetie Belle and Applebloom exclaimed.  They then put Scootaloo into a chair and started to wet her hair with a water gun.  Sweetie Belle grabbed a pair of safety scissors and began to cut a way on random parts of Scootaloo's hair.

     "Now it's time for the pink hair dye," Sweetie Belle said prompting Applebloom to hand her the dye.

     "No NO NOOOOOO," Scootaloo yelled as her magenta hair was defiled with the pink menace.  Scootaloo was near the point of sobbing as her hair was torn and dyed.  The two pseudo hairstylists stopped their tyranny and let the orange filly go, but she then ran as far from the club house as possible.