Random, Creepy, and Just Plain Crazy Tales from the Mind of a Guy Named Brian

by Dragonlover553

Rating: teen
Tags: Other, Princess Luna, Original Character, Comedy, Rarity, Random, Crossover, Human, Doctor Whooves, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic
Length: 1462

Brian is crazy, therefore, he was able to come up with story ideas no one else could. These are tjose ideas.

Madness, pulled straight from the brain of a young thirteen-year-old human by the name of Brian. Gore is mostly just in "Brian is Sent to Equestria With Magic Powers to Destroy it" and is relatively light.

Published 2014-01-29 15:50:01 UTC
Last updated 2014-03-02 05:08:33 UTC

A Whoovian Wakes Up In Equestia As A Dalek and Gives Ponies Jellibabies

Author's Note

Proofreaders, if you think that Steven is using bad grammar than your wrong. That's just the way daleks talk.

A Whoovian Wakes Up In Equestia As A Dalek and Gives Ponies Jellibabies

"Huh? Where am I?" said the former human. "And why is everything blue? And, wait, Is that one of those dalek sight things? Of course it is." The ~~human~~ dalek said. "Well, if it is, I should treat it like one. Away!" The dalek hovered out of the forest area it had found itself in and discovered,of all things, a village. Not just any village, a village filled with Technicolor ponies. The dalek almost questioned it until he remembered it was a dream. "Alright subconsciousness, we'll play it your way." Then, suddenly, while looking at a brown pony with an odd hour-glass tattoo(strange that they all have tattoo's on their butts) a window flashed upon his view screen.
ALERT! ALERT! THE DOCTOR IS SIGHTED!! So the human said, adressing the pony, "ALERT! ALERT! YOU ARE THE DOCTOR!"
"No kidding." replied the Doctor.
"The Bringer of Darkness, the Oncoming Storm, the Last Child of Gallifrey, the Destroyer of Worlds, the Lonely God, the Predator, the Man Who Silenced the Universe, the Mad Man in a Box,the Caretaker, the Timelord Victorious, the Man With More Blood On His Hands Than Any Other?!" the Dalek(I have decided to call him Steven) exclaimed.
"Yes." replied the Doctor nonchalantly.
"Would you care for a jellibaby?" asked Steven.
"Sure why not?" Steven promptly charged off into the town and barged into a bakery-looking place(the sign said it was called Sugarcube Corner, so it couldn't be much else), nevermind how he got there.
"I require access to your kitchen appliances!" he shouted
"Um, okay." Said a blue feminine-sounding pony. "Follow me." Steven followed the pony into her kitchen.
"Thank you."
"Um, no problem."
"Wait. I have realized a problem."
"And what is that?"
"I have no method of griping the appliances."
"Huh?"
"I do not have any hands."

****

The Doctor had meet all kinds of daleks in his time. Smart daleks, dumb daleks, half-human daleks, mad daleks, the Emperor dalek, the Cult of Skaro, Imperial Daleks, Rouge Daleks, that one dalek that had absorded Rose's DNA, Dalek Sec, and those Dalek-human-timelords the Cult of Skaro had created, then supsquently exterminated. But he had never met a dalek like the one from a few minutes ago. "I have returned with your jellibabies." said the returned Dalek.
"Thank you." replied the timelord as he took a red one from the bag in the dalek's plunger thing. The Dalek then sped off.
Hi! shouted Pinkie Pie to the dalek. "HiI'veneverseenanyponylikeyoubeforewhoareyouareyouanalienwhat'syournamedoyoulikecupcakesand-uh!" the Pink party pony was interrupted when the dalek stuck his plunger thing into her mouth.
"Analizing message. Message analized. I am Steven the Dalek. I do not have a mouth(at least I don't think I do). Would you care for a jellibaby?"
"Um, sure, I love trying new treats, almost as much as making new friends!" She reached into the bag and was about to grab a red one when-
"STOP!! IF YOU TAKE THE LAST RED JELLIBABY THEN DALEKS WILL HAVE NONE!!!"
"Um okay." replied Pinkie, choosing instead a blue one. "Thanks."
"YOU ARE WELCOME! DALEK STEVEN AWAY!!" he shouted as he speed of into the distance.

Raritiy's Rent is Late So her Landlord Comes Over and Burns Things

"Oh, my." said Rarity at the sight in her front door. It was a massive dragon. Shining silver scales, covered in scars, two wings folded upon it's back, four legs, two glowing, golden eyes, and a mouth full of razor sharp teeth. "Um, excuse me, sir dragon."
"My name is Hupon Broken-Fang." replied the dragon in a low, clearly masculine voice. That's when Rarity noticed the broken fang sticking out of his mouth.
"Oh, well, Sir Hupon, I'm afraid I'm going to need to ask you too leave."
"And why would that be?"
"Well sir, my landlord is coming over and-"
"I am your landlord."
"What."
"Well, what were you expecting? A white-coated, pampered, unicorn 'noble', skilled in what passes for magic among your kind?"
"Well-" Rarity stopped. In truth, that was a perfect image of what she was expecting.
"I even send the messages by dragonfire." And that's exactly why she though that. "How do you think a unicorn would be able to send a letter that way? Were you expecting your landlord to have a dragon-slave?" With that the dragon snorted. "Foolish slavers, I kill anypony I find in "ownership" of one. It is my right. I mean I even have a contract with your Queen saying I can."
"Um... Queen? Equestria doesn't have a queen." Rarity said, thinking of Twilight.
"Oh, it does, who do you think mothered the princesses? She may be a thousand years missing, but her rule is still acknowledged."
"Oh,how so?."
"Neither of her daughters have taken the title."
"Oh. Good point."
"Anyway, I didn't come for ideal chatter. I came for the rent. That's 500 bit."
"Um, well, truth be told, I don't have the bits."
"Well then, why not?"
"Well, I'm in a bit of financial trouble right now. I have a little bit of money, but not that much."
"Well, how long until you do have the money?"
"About a month."
"Well, I'll give you two months. But at the end of that span, you owe me 1300 bit. Sound fair?"
"I suppose. Are you sure I can't get anymore time?"
"Yes."
"Oh well, I suppose it could be worse. You could have burned my house down instantly."
"Oh please, I am a dragon, not a demon. I would never burn down your home-without good reason. But remember, two months. Then-" The dragon was interrupted by something cyan hitting his chest. His scales absorbed the impact and any potential damage, but it still hit him.
"HEY MISTER DRAGON!! GET OUTTA OUR TOWN!!!" Shouted the cyan "something".
"And why would I do that?" Asked Hupon. "I own almost all of it."
"Say what?!" Said the cyan thing.
"Honestly Rainbow, attacking dragons off the street is most unladylike." Said Rarity.
"But he was threatening you!!" Shouted Rainbow in response.
"No, I was working out a solution on the matter of her late rent for her landlord."
"And what business is that of your 's?" Demanded Rainbow.
"Because I am her landlord."
"Oh." Said the mare timidly.
"And the landlord of almost everyone is Ponyville."
"Oh." Repeated Rainbow.
"Which means you not only attacked me, you attacked me-on my own property. By extension, I have the legal right to ban you from this town."
"Oh." Said Rainbow again.
"So next time, don't be so impulsive, or you may insult someone who will punish you severely. After all, I own every inch of this town outside Sweet Apple Acres. And who know? Maybe next time, the same thing will happen to you that happened to that tree," he said, pointing to a nearby tree.
"What happened to that tree?" Then a goat of flames shot from the dragon's mouth, incinerating the tree.
"That."

The Author is Sent to Equestira. He returns home half and hour later

"I AM THE AUTHOR!! FEAR ME!!" The author shouted in the general direction of everywhere. He had been typing on FIMFanfiction.com when he had suddenly found himself here. Mostly responding to a pair of threads about how weird things were happening. After all, it was a logical thing to do. Ask someone. He had been reminded of a TV show he had briefly seen live out of sheer boredom. It was called "Every Witch Way". It was pretty pathetic in all honesty, but it somehow reminded him of his own situation. In it, everyone capable of magic, called a 'witch', had several abilities, including spell casting. The author had some strange electrical shocks, some once-slitted eyes, and strange feelings whenever he went into graveyards.
Upon arriving in the Everfree, he was attacked by a manticore, which was what lead him to believe he was in Equestria, for that was the greatest cliche. He had somehow fended it off by shooting lightning out of his fingertips, which lead him to believe that something serious was happening. After a little experimentation, he realized that he could somehow make his vision sharper on command, control electricity, and hear strange voices whenever he felt like it. Which he deduced he never would.
~28 minutes later~
"Okay, I'm in Ponyville."
"Go away human!" shouted a voice from inside the town. The author looked around in confusion."I said, GO AWAY, or we'll make you!!" The author continued looking around in confusion. "You asked for it!" A rainbow suddenly hit him.
~Back at home~
"The [censor]?!"