"I never knew genealogy could be so much fun! Did you know that Aloe's uncle's sister's grandfather is Lotus's grandmother's cousin's uncle making them... sisters!"
"Who are- ?"
"And Featherweight's aunt's husband's daughter from a previous marriage is Action Shot, which really isn't that surprising."
"Pinkie, I don't know who any of those ponies- "
"Except that means they're not really related at all, huh? Strange that. Oh, and Flash Sentry is your cousin."
Scrolls were unfurled all over Golden Oak Library, covering floor, walls, furniture and ponies alike. While Twilight was grateful to Pinkie for helping her research, she wondered if Pinkie might possibly be too energetic for what is usually a slow, calm, ordered work. She was also starting to doubt the value of genealogy in general. There were some relations she had rather not known about.
"You know, that guard in Canterlot. Wait a minute... Dash Sentry? That was the weirdest "l" I have ever seen. Dash Sentry... Rainbow Dash! I wonder if they are related."
Twilight sighed, whether of relief or exhaustion, she didn't know. "Look Pinkie," she said, "just because ponies names are similar, it doesn't mean that they are related. Just look at me. There's no less than sixteen Twilights all over Equestria and I'm not related to any of them." Twilight had discovered this about two months ago, and had become pen pals with all of them since, except for Twilight Sonata, who was eight months old now, and Grumpsnout Twilight, who had replied to her request by sending her a hive of bees. The bees were safely kept with Fluttershy now, and hadn't actually stung Twilight, but she still felt it would be safest not to ask again.
"Yeah, I guess you're right, Twilight. You're so smart. Who is Rainbow related to, though, I wonder."
Pinkie grabbed for another scroll while singing "To, though, Two though too, Two's to you from you know who."
"*Gasp* Look Twilight look look look! Rainbow Dash is related to... Prince Blueblood. Rainbow Dash is a princess!
"You may think you have won, Ahizotl Avisotel Ah-hu-i-sotel you beast, but I know something you don't."
"Oh and what is that my most amazing enemy Daring Do?"
"I'm not Daring Do." Then Rainbow Dash (who had disguised herself as Daring Do all along) escaped from the ropes just as the water reached her chin and flew into the air to do her patented Sub-Aquatic Sonic Rainboom. She-
"Princess Rainbow!"
Rainbow Dash looked up from her story. She thought she had heard Pinkie outside her house. Had she called her "princess"?
"Princess Rainbow! Come out now! I want to show you something!"
Rainbow opened her door and looked down. Pinkie was down there, jumping up and down and grinning like a madpony, and Twilight, floating a scroll. She looked nervous about something.
"Guys, can this wait? I'm sort of in the middle of something."
"No! This is important! And it's super-duper awesomuper, you'll see!"
Rainbow Dash knew from experience that there was no way to argue with Pinkie when she was like this. She flew down.
"This scroll," said Pinkie, once she had landed, "is a copy of the Chart of the Royal Lineage kept in the Canterlot Archives." She grabbed the scroll from Twilight and rolled it out on the grass. "Now look here," she said, pointing on a spot near the bottom.
Rainbow Dash read:
"Patricia Nabob and Haut Monde, two children, Blueblood and... Rainbow Dash? This isn't me."
"You know, I did assume it was some other Rainbow Dash- " Twilight begun.
"Hey! There is no other Rainbow Dash," Rainbow retorted. "I'm the one, the only, the original! Accept no substitutes! But this is still wrong. I know my parents, and it's not these guys. I don't even want to be a princess. And I'm certainly not related to that creep Blueblood."
Pinkie thought about this for a moment. "Maybe you were adopted? I wonder why your new parents haven't told you yet. Maybe they found you lost in the woods and decided to raise you as one of their own, until you are old enough to know the truth and return to reclaim your throne. Do you have any crown-shaped birthmarks?"
"This is ridiculous. Your scroll is wrong. Now if you'll excuse me- "
This time it was Twilight who objected "The Chart of the Royal Lineage is not wrong! Do you know how many ponies have worked on that? It is researched thoroughly and updated monthly and is never, ever wrong!"
"It's not the Royal Chart of Whatever, though. It's just a copy. Now I really must get back."
"What are you so busy with, anyway?" Twilight wondered.
"I'll show you." Rainbow flew back inside and came out carrying a scroll of her own.
"So, Daring Do Diurnally has this contest, except it's not really a contest it's more like a... thing. You write stories for them and they'll accept anything. Anything. But it has to be done today."
"What is Daring Do Diurnally?," Pinkie wondered.
"It's a magazine for fans of Daring Do," Twilight explained. "You can only read it during the day. I've been published there several times."
"The prompt this week was 'Daring Do faces trial for ruining several national monuments.' And this is what I've written so far." Rainbow dropped her scroll.
"Oh Dash, I'd love to read it, I'm sure it's totally awesome. But later. Now come on, princesses. We have to hurry if we want to be in Canterlot before nightfall," said Pinkie. "We need to see that original Chart."
"I'm bringing my ink," said Rainbow.
The three ponies had been walking for a while. Pinkie hopped along carelessly, Twilight hovered Rainbows story in front of her to read it, and Rainbow Dash tried in vain to write the rest of it by holding an empty scroll in front of her face with her nearly long enough wings and holding a pen in her mouth. Suddenly, Pinkie started singing:
The sky is blue, the birds sing and the sun is hot
We're strolling down the stony road to Canterlot
I know that you are doubtful now but just you wait
You'll be a princess soon and it'll be just great
I don't even know why I agreed to this quest
Let's just find your scroll and put these rumors to rest
I'm not gonna be a princess so don't even try
If your scroll says otherwise then it says a lie
Dash why won't you admit this is absolute proof
There's no way in Equestria my brother's that oaf
I'd say it's pretty clear that you are no master sleuth
It's about time that you faced the truth
When we put our minds together, we can achieve
"Pinkie... "
We are the-
"Pinkie!"
"Whoops, sorry, wrong song."
"No, we're here."
Which was true, remarkably enough. During that one-and-a-half minute long song the three ponies had travelled all the way to Canterlot, and even found their way to the Archives.
"Rainbow, this story isn't very good," said Twilight. "I'm sorry."
"What do you mean?"
"It doesn't follow the prompt, the characters feel off, it Daring Do doesn't even appear in it and you made it all about you."
"Oh, you mean my story? Don't worry, it's not finished yet, but when it is, it'll be just as good as I think it is. Also, Rainbow Dash is a canon character and you are wrong."
The Canterlot Archives were huge, full to the brim of ancient scrolls, books, grimoires and crumbled up notes. It take three lone ponies ages to search through. So instead, Twilight asked one of the archivists, who helped them find the Chart right away.
The Chart was kept unfurled inside a glass case and was guarded day and night, but was available for reading by the general public. Twilight walked up to it.
"Whassitsay whassitsay?," said Pinkie, excitedly.
"'Then Daring Do came back from the trial'," said Rainbow, who finally had time to sit down and finish her story. Or, more accurately, she said "'Nn Gaving Go cam faff rom re raiha'." She had a pen in her mouth, after all.
"It says Rainbow... dash," said Twilight.
"Aha! I knew it! I was right all along! You are a princess! The princess Rainbow co-"
"No no no! Rainbow dash. As in Rainbow line. Rainbow somepony. Rainbow unknown."
"Oh."
"'Ou are o awfum, Ranbo'. Ptth. Ok, what'd I miss?"
"I'm sorry Rainbow Dash. I should have listened to you when you said you didn't want to be a princess. I was just so happy for you, it just seemed so exciting... "
Rainbow put a wing around Pinkie. "It's ok. No harm done, after all I still found the time to finish my story."
"And I'm sorry I was so critical of your work," said Twilight. It is important to be honest as a friend, but that doesn't mean I shouldn't consider your feelings."
"Pfft, that thing. I wrote it in an afternoon, how good could it be? Really, you shouldn't feel bad, because I don't." Rainbow Dash thought for a moment.
"But when I am finally done with 'Rainbow Dash and Daring Do have Radical Adventures on the Planet Doom', you had better love it."
That night, far off in a village almost nopony had heard of, Rainbow Marzipan dreamed of the world.