"That will be all, Winter Sheen," Princess Celestia dismissed her aide. The white-coated stallion bowed before leaving her sight. She breathed a gentle sigh of relief as she rolled up the scroll before her. It had been another long day for the Princess of the Sun, and she was more than ready to retire for the night. She got to her hooves, which carried her to her bedroom in short order.
Once the double doors were shut, she sat down on her bed and went about removing her golden shoes. She levitated them gently to her closet, placing them down next to many other identical sets. Her crown came off next, finding its place in the closet as well. Lastly, she removed her golden collar and quietly slid the closet shut. Her eyes moved to the grandfather clock nestled in one corner, and a soft smile graced her face. She had just enough time for a quick bath. She moved across the carpeted floor and into her lavish bathroom.
With a quick application of her magic, the faucet handles spun themselves into position and the tub began to fill with warm water. Celestia gave a brief glance to the array of scented shampoos, bubble solutions, and salts, but she silently shook her head at them. For tonight, she would forgo the fancier extras. She selected a simple, hypoallergenic shampoo just before she stepped into the tub.
A short bath and brushing session later and she was back on her bed, coat sparkling and mane blowing in a gentle breeze that wasn't there. Another look at the clock told her that it was almost time, and she found herself getting a little excited already. It was a luxury that she only allowed herself to have once a week, and it was a thrill that had never lost its edge.
The bedroom doors opened, and in stepped a royal guard. Gripped in his magic was a brown cloth sack which he deposited onto her carpet.
Celestia nodded to the stallion. "Thank you. That will be all."
The stallion stared down at the sack, which was squirming a little. He bit his lip before speaking, "Um, Princess, I don't think I'm entirely comf—"
"That will be all," Celestia repeated forcefully, her eyes narrowing at the guard. He backed out of the room, Celestia shutting the doors as he did so. Sometimes she had to remind her subjects of just who was in charge. She grasped the sack in her magic and opened it up. A little white filly crawled out slowly, gazing around at her surroundings. "Good evening, little one. And what might your name be?" Celestia said.
The filly looked up at the princess as if noticing her for the first time. Her eyes went wide. "P-Princess Celestia?"
Celestia nodded softly, asking again, "What is your name, little filly?"
"Um, I'm Sweetie Belle. What's going on?"
Celestia stood up. "I have brought you here for a very special purpose, dear Sweetie Belle. Tell me, what do you know about being a Princess of Equestria?"
Sweetie stared at the floor, answering slowly. "Well, they get to wear crowns and live in a palace and stuff."
Celestia smiled a little as she went around the room, lighting candles as she talked with Sweetie. "That is correct. But that is not all we do. We princesses have a lot of responsibilities."
"Like meeting with foreign leaders and signing papers?"
"Indeed. Have you ever had big responsibilities, Sweetie?"
Sweetie was quiet for a little while before replying, "I've had some school projects that were kinda hard. Ooh, there was that time when my friends and I had our own column in the school newspaper."
"Mmhmm, and what was that like? How did you feel when you had to write a new column for your school newspaper?"
Sweetie considered for a moment before replying, "Stressed out."
"Ahh, yes. Now, imagine that your newspaper column could determine the fate our fair country. How 'stressed out' do you think you would be then?"
"Gosh, that would be awful!" the filly squeaked.
Celestia stopped next to Sweetie. "Exactly. Being a princess is a lot of hard work, and it is not easy dealing with all that stress. That's why you are here, my little pony."
"It is?" Sweetie cocked an eyebrow and tilted her head.
Celestia nodded, lying down on the carpet. "You are about to become an essential part of the ruling process. You are going to help keep Equestria running smoothly."
Sweetie looked away from the Princess. "I am?"
Celestia lifted up a wing and draped it carefully over Sweetie Belle. "You most certainly are. You are going to help this Princess deal with the stress of ruling a nation."
Sweetie's eyes suddenly widened, and a smile found it's way onto her face. "Maybe I can get my cutie mark for being a princess's assistant! What do I have to do?"
Celestia chuckled quietly. "We shall see about that. And for now, just lie back and relax." With that, Celestia gently rolled Sweetie Belle over with her wing. She shifted, placing her head above the filly and her hooves on either side of her little body. Celestia leaned down, nuzzling Sweetie's stomach.
Sweetie Belle giggled at her touch. Celestia rubbed her muzzle up along Sweetie's neck, and then brought their lips together.
"Huh?" Sweetie said in confusion. Celestia paid her no mind, nuzzling her way back down Sweetie's body. "What're you—" Sweetie gasped suddenly at the feel of Celestia's muzzle in a place where it shouldn't be. "Hey!"
"Do be quiet, please. Nopony can hear you, but I am not fond of hearing complaints."
"Wh-what's going on?" Sweetie pulled all her hooves up to her chest. "What're you doing?"
Princess Celestia put a hoof to Sweetie's mouth. "I would prefer to let you keep your tongue, as I will have need of it later," Celestia said, leaning her head back down and pushing Sweetie's hooves aside. The sudden sound of something pounding against the bedroom door brought her head back up. She stared for a moment before slowly realizing that there was only one other pony powerful enough to break her soundproofing spells.
Celestia hastily slid the squealing Sweetie Belle back into the sack before approaching the doors. She opened them, and was unsurprised to see her sister standing in the hallway. Celestia cleared her throat, gazing through the doorway with a moderately-bored expression. "Yes, Luna?"
Princess Luna's glare could have frozen Tartarus itself. "This has gone on for far too long already, sister. You must stop this at once."
"No thank you, I am quite fine with the way things are."
"That was not a request, it was an order. You will not bring harm to any more of these little ponies. Do I make myself clear?"
Celestia smirked. "The only thing that is unclear is why you think you have any authority to tell me what I can and cannot do in my spare time."
"Sister, please." Luna's glare softened for a moment. "Stop this. This is not the Celestia I knew a millennium ago."
"Times and ponies change, Luna. Or do you still prefer 'Nightmare Moon?'"
Luna's fiery gaze returned in full force. "If you will not stop voluntarily, then you leave me no choice. I will not stand idly by and let you violate innocent foals. I will not—"
Celestia shut the door in Luna's face, cast her soundproofing spells again, and turned back to the sack. "Now, where were we?" She slid the squirming white filly from the bag. Odd, Celestia thought with a frown, they do not usually start crying quite yet.
"I wanna go home," Sweetie sobbed.
"You will go home, Sweetie, but not until you are finished assisting me." She levitated Sweetie Belle onto her massive bed.
"I don't wanna help Equestria anymore," Sweetie whined, held in place by the alicorn's magic.
Celestia ran a hoof through Sweetie's mane reassuringly. "It's alright, my little pony. You may cry, but try to be quiet."
Both ponies were pelted with splinters as the bedroom doors exploded in their frames. Princess Luna stepped through the shattered doorway, a pack of royal guards behind her. "Step away from the filly," Luna growled. "Now."
Celestia turned around slowly, eyes narrowed and lips pursed. She watched as one of the guards beckoned Sweetie Belle through the door and led her out of sight. Celestia huffed. "Is there any particular reason as to why you are interfering with my private time, Luna?"
"If you have to ask, then you are even more twisted than I had realized," Luna replied.
"I am not twisted, dear sister," Celestia said flatly, "I merely have particular tastes when it comes to—"
"Stop! Don't you dare try to play off what you're doing as anything but monstrous. You kidnap innocent foals and... and you...." Luna scrunched up her muzzle and shut her eyes for just a moment, turning away from her sister. "The mere thought of what you do disgusts me to such extent that I cannot even express it properly."
Celestia lowered her muzzle, glaring at Luna from under her brow. "And just how would you know what it is that I do? Do you assume, or are you as guilty as I for watching me and doing nothing?"
Luna turned back to face the other alicorn, her teeth bared. "I have seen it in the nightmares of those whom you have damaged."
Celestia opened her mouth, closed it, then opened it again. "I cast memory spells on them; they cannot... they would not—"
"They do," Luna stated. "Buried within their minds are the memories of the terrible things you've done to each and every one of them. And even though they may not be consciously aware of these memories, they still carry the effects. I have looked into recent history, as you once suggested I do, and none of the fillies you've chosen over the years have led normal lives. Every single one of them is broken inside, and none of them even knew why."
Celestia's eyes turned to the floor, furiously moving to look at different spots on the carpet. "I thought... I did not.... How could you know...."
"How could I know which fillies you have tormented?" Luna inquired. "You may not keep records of such things, but the agents you sent to capture the poor ponies did. Though many literally took the lists to their graves, the ones that remain were more than willing to assist me when I came to them with the promise of protection."
"Were they aware that they were committing high treason?" Celestia slowly asked as her head rose back up to face the crowd. She scanned the pack of guards with her fiery leer, and a few of them took a step or two backwards.
"He is not here, sister," Luna commented. "He is seeing to the safe return of what would have been your latest victim."
"Did you corrupt him as well, or did he go running off to you as soon as he left my chambers?"
"The latter. He said that he thought you were about to do something terrible, and that he was afraid. So I came to stop you as soon as I was able."
"Stop me?" Celestia chuckled darkly. "I do not know what makes you think that you can. Did you really enjoy your vacation on the moon that much, dear sister? Do you miss the moon, and simply want me to send you back?"
Luna didn't blink. "Your threat is empty. You know as well as I that neither of us are connected to the Elements of Harmony any longer. You cannot wield them."
"But we can," came a familiar voice. The remaining guards parted as six mares made their way over the rubble and toward Princess Celestia.
"Twilight Sparkle," Celestia growled as she moved her glare to the unicorn leading the six. "After all that I've done for you...."
Twilight stepped forward from the group of friends, shaking her head. "I'm sorry, Princess Celestia, but you can't do this. The ponies of Equestria will not stand for your abuse of power anymore."
Celestia glared a moment longer before a smile broke out on her face. "I do not recall hearing such complaints during your time as my personal student. Have you grown bitter and jealous over the years because I moved on and you did not?" Celestia stepped closer to Twilight, causing the mare to stumble over some broken bits of debris as she backed away. "Forgive me, dear Twilight," Celestia cooed, placing a hoof under Twilight's chin, "but ponies have to grow up eventually."
Twilight whimpered, and her legs were shaking as Luna pushed her sister back with a pulse of magic. "Enough! You will not harm any more ponies!"
Twilight cringed, shaking her head and struggling to stand as she breathed heavily. She turned around as a hoof touched her shoulder, looking back at the five friends standing behind her. She gave them a nod, and they nodded right back, their faces set with determination. Magic flowed forth from the tiara on her head as Twilight turned back to Celestia, strings of light connecting it to the five amulets her friends were wearing.
"So be it," Celestia breathed, her horn lighting up. But the twisting beams of yellow light that shot from her horn stopped dead a few feet from the six ponies. A translucent shield of blue had materialized in its path, and Celestia turned her furious glare to her sister as she charged up another spell.
A rainbow cascade flowed from the six ponies as they floated above the carpet. Celestia turned and redirected her spell just in time for the yellow streak to slam into the rainbow beam coming at her. She struggled against it, but the power of the Elements of Harmony was slowly overtaking her own. The rainbow-colored stream of magic steadily pushed through her counter spell, and Celestia took a few steps backward as she struggled against it.
Luna closed her eyes, her horn glowing. "I am sorry, sister, but you have left us no choice." The sun stopped its descent toward the horizon and moved back up through the sky.
Celestia turned her head slightly at the sight of the shifting shadows. "No," she breathed, realizing what they intended to do. The technicolor beam of harmony reached her body, and she screamed as it propelled her straight through the palace window behind her.
"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"
The sun itself dimmed as Celestia slammed into it. For a brief moment, the face of the regal alicorn was visible on its surface. Then the light came back in full force, and the face could no longer be seen through it.
Twilight slid to the floor with a squeak and quietly sobbed as her five friends gathered around her. Luna draped a wing over Twilight's shaking body as she spoke to her. "It will be alright now, Twilight Sparkle, for she cannot hurt anypony anymore. Do not dwell on the past, for it is folly. That which has already passed cannot change." Luna turned her eyes to the sky as she brought the sun down and out of sight. "Though perhaps, in time, my sister can."
Author's Note
This marks another attempt on my part to write a deconstruction of a fandom joke, this time focusing on the old "Molestia" gags. If I had any real goal in this one, it was to portray Celestia as being extremely creepy. This is one that sat around for a long time in a state of near-completion. For months, I wasn't even sure that I'd ever actually post it. But here it is, for better or worse.
