Entirely Improbable

"No, I am most certainly not comfortable. Who would be comfortable after being violated by a cotton swab." The grey pelted and black maned patient was obviously disgruntled and seemed to be trying to sit without letting his butt actually rest on the bed. The room was fairly dark now with evening having set in.

"I'm sorry about that John, but it could be really important to figuring this situation out. It was simply too unusual to ignore." Just Fine sighed after her fourth apology of the evening to the unhappy pony. She was checking on him one last time before she clocked out for the night, her only other patient already taken care of. She wanted to be nice, especially after hearing his story from Happy, but her orange mane felt stringy and her peach coat of fur was matted with sweat. Her desire to get home and shower before snuggling up to her mare-friend Cherry Berry was quickly out weighing her patience.

Maybe Quick Study would be there too if she was lucky. Though, Cherry had been feeling excluded when the three of them were together since she couldn't keep up with their conversations about more complex subject matter. Just Fine didn't like the thought of her love being simple or ditzy, but there was no getting around the fact that Cherry lead a life with much less need for scholarly knowledge than herself and Quick Study who was a professional post education tutor for biology and math who was currently completing her own research project. This thought brought a familiar heavy weight into her heart. She really hoped Cherry would warm up to their new friend but it wasn't looking promising just yet.

John continued to grumble mildly while looking around his sparse room. A basic bed with lime green sheets matching his patient gown and a night stand with a lamp and several periodicals were the prominent features aside from a similar bed nearer to the door with a curtain to divide the two if another patient came in. A small hoof loop hung next to each bed with cords going up into the ceilings. After a time, he stopped his muttering and exhaled deeply, "Fine, but next time you could at least get me dinner first."

Just Fine was preparing another platitude to sooth his hurting rectum but stopped as his statement sunk in. Had he just made a joke? Seeing his slowly growing smirk she gave out a bark of laughter, "I'll be sure to keep that in mind then. Dinner, maybe a play, and then invasive cotton swabs. Good to know." She'd thought him polite to the point of being utterly boring. The incident earlier with the exam and the two stumbling mares had livened things up a bit but she still figured he was just a stick in the mud. This was the closest she'd seen him come to being anything other than polite, embarrassed, or stoic. Perhaps there was hope for him yet.

"That's good then. I'm not sure I can take a second helping of this hospitals fare." John's eyes glanced uneasily to a plate holding what was left of a baked apple on a bed of blue grass. The grass was only half eaten as was the apple.

"I know, we're terrible for feeding you healthy roughage. It's all part of our plan to break the wills of ponies while they're weak and defenseless." She held her deadpan expression for a moment before dropping it after she managed to attain a grunt of amusement. It wasn't much, but it was more than she'd gotten all day so she'd take it. Putting her clipboard away she asked, "And how was it? Did it not settle okay or were you just not hungry? I know you said you hadn't eaten at all that you're aware of. Since before this morning at least."

"It was fine I suppose. I can't say I'm partial to Apples or grass though." She quirked an eyebrow at the thought of a pony disliking grass. Was that even possible? "I don't have much of an appetite, though I know should. I don't want to waste any food though, so I'll make my way through it regardless of taste or hunger."

"Having a reduced appetite is reasonable considering your situation. Well, see that you do finish it. You won't be leaving until we get a stool sample after all." He grimaced at this but nodded. Health could be an unpleasant business for both sides of the equation. "Alright then, if you need any help just pull on that cord there."

"Right, and it'll ring a bell down the hall where the night nurse is." He said this while pawing through the various magazines on the nightstand. They were 'Lead Mare Monthly', 'The Stallion', and 'Equestrian Guard' if her eyes weren't deceiving her. She cringed when she saw the EG issue was the early spring 'Guards Out of Uniform' edition. It was a notorious early spring release of different members of the Diarchy's all stallion royal guard posing suggestively for the camera out of their armor. The only reason they got away with it was due to however suggestive it was, none of them were ever out of their sheathes in the shots. Still, it was a risque edition fawned over each year by young mares and growing fillies everywhere.

Coughing into her hoof, she caught his attention before he could discern it's contents, "It looks like you're all set then."

Looking up from his provided reading material he gave her a nod, "I think I am. Thank you for your help today Miss Just, I appreciate it. Well, some of it anyway." She smiled at his unruly look before turning to leave.

"Good Night John." Waving behind her Just walked away from the room down the hall to drop off the patients records. She made sure to open the doors quietly in case any of the other patients were sleeping. Inside was a familiar view. A table pushed against a beige wall with several comfortable mats for the nurses and orderlies to sit. Set into the wall were a series of small numbered bells, such as '3A' and '7B', that had cords coming down from the ceiling to them. This would be how a patient would get their attention.

It was here that the muted blue coated Nurse Tenderheart sat with her hair done up in a bun much like her twin sister. There were several patient clipboards next to her at the table, and her latest issue of Back Herd monthly in her hooves. The magazine detailed a rather conservative Beta mare lifestyle and was all about how to be a facilitating beta in a healthy herd. Things like how to interpret signals or messages sent to you by the Alpha mare and how to keep healthy so you stay in the middle of the pack instead of becoming the herds Omega. It also featured foal rearing information for herd mothers, of course. Just Fine always lead her relationships so she preferred to read Wayfinder herself.

The periodical was another reminder that her fellow earth pony coworker was planning for a foal soon. Apparently her herds lead decided they were ready to start raising a family so this spring Tenderheart and Aloe, or was it Lotus, would be putting Mr. Baritone through his paces.

*Ahem* She cleared her throat to get the mares attention, "Studying up Tenderheart?"

"Oh, Doctor Just! I didn't even hear you come in. Yes, just trying to mentally prepare as much as I can." Marking her page, Tenderheart set the magazine down before looking to her again. "Done for the evening Doctor?"

"That's right, I'm heading home for the night. It's been a long day."

Tenderheart developed a rather naughty look with a little twinkle shining in her pink irises when she winked, "I'm sure Cherry will perk you right up."

Running her peach furred - or 'her peach fuzz' if you were a certain cute mare friend - hoof through her orange mane she returned the saucy look with a tired smile, "I don't doubt she will. But I have to finish here before I can enjoy any of that. Here," Just Fine pulled out John's patient briefing and hoofed the clipboard over to the nurse for reference over night. "He shouldn't be any trouble. He's supposed to provide us with samples so check on him now and then in case he's set one off to the side for collection."

Tenderheart nodded and continued to look over the briefing, "Alright then Doctor, anything else I should know?"

"He's, well... he's not crazy, but he's not all there exactly either. So try not to let any odd comments or confusion throw you off. And maybe keep a tranquilizer at ready just in case." Seeing Tenderheart's pink eyes widen Just went to alleviate the mares rising fear, "No need to be worried, he's only been polite and gentle so far. I'm just suggesting it as a worst case scenario. There really shouldn't be any trouble aside from grumbling."

"Well, if you're sure... how is he crazy but not exactly?" the younger mare sounded hesitant while pulling out a small bin that contained several syringes.

"I am sure." She stepped forward to put her hooves on the nurse's wither and rubbed them with familiarity. Tenderheart tensed for a moment before relaxing into the touch, her ears drooping a bit as she released a sigh. After a moment Just continued while smiling, "I think the worst you'll deal with is his grumbling about invasive examinations. And as for his situation, the most I can share is on his file but summed up, his memories don't match his current reality and he's trying to figure out how to go forward from there."

Seeing Tenderheart nod the Doctor backed away and started to leave the room as the nurse began to fill a small syringe with one of the sedative vials. "Alright then Doctor Just. I hope your evening goes well."

"I'm sure it will." Almost out the second set of doors leading further into the staff only section of the hospital she paused at remembering something else she needed done. "Oh right, one more thing. Tenderheart, can you see to it that this is given to Doctor Happy Days when she comes in tomorrow?"

Tenderheart, placing the prepared tranquilizer aside, took the folded memo from Just's hoof before securing it to John's patient file. "Certainly Doctor. Now shoo, stop lingering."

"Alright, I'm leaving then. Enjoy your magazine." With that she left her coworker behind and proceeded down to her office to pick several items up and drop off her coat for washing. Just Fine still had a long walk home but her hooves didn't feel very heavy knowing who she'd be seeing soon.

MEMO
To: Happy Days
Subject: Abnormality - Quick Results

I won't be in tomorrow so I wanted to let you know some preliminary results of that abnormality I told you I'd found. It will take some time to do a full study of his rectal fluid but a quick test revealed there was indeed no waste-by-product of digestion in his intestine. Not one bit. This effect is possible with a delicate medical spell that removes material from the digestive system but it's a very rare spell that only a few unicorns specializing in digestion have mastered. I haven't heard of this sort of occurrence outside of that spell either. How this factors into his circumstances is unclear to me. He hasn't provided any stool or urine samples yet but when we get those we'll process all three in a bundle. The hospital will have the results of those tests sent to your office since you stated you planned on having him moved to a more semi permanent and hospitable location for his treatment. You said Twilight is designated as his escort and is studying his situation, so I've filed that the results should be sent to her as well.

Just Fine, PD