Entirely Improbable

by Genjen

Rating: mature
Tags: Original Character, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Rarity, Romance, Slice of Life, Zecora, Alternate Universe, Twilight Sparkle, Princess Luna
Length: 20045

Occam's Razor is clear here. Crossing dimensions is neigh impossible, he must simply be insane. Though, try as he might to acclimate he can't help but question the sanity of these ponies and their odd social practices.

Occam's Razor dictates a very simple answer to his situation. He must be a pony who has lost their mind to a fantastical world of delirium and madness or had their mind tinkered with in some way. The idea that he's a trans-dimensional being that ended up in a foreign universe - in a native body and speaking the native language along with reading it - is laughably impossible. He'd be more insane believing this possibility than admitting to it's absurdity.

The problem now lies with trying to figure out what happened to him and trying to acclimate with the culture that's wildly different from what he "knows." It shouldn't be too bad as the pony society seems nice enough. Except, there's a few social nuances regarding the low stallion population and apparent gender inequality that rather bother him. Hopefully it'll get sorted out soon with the help of the ponies and a mind healer.

An Equestria has herds story told from everypony's perspective but the protagonists. Will talk about mature concepts and relationships, but whether it will contain sex or not is still under consideration. A world building exercise for exploring the concept of gender ratio issues coupled with herds in a sapient pony race along with how those herds always have a lead mare.

Published 2014-01-14 15:50:06 UTC
Last updated 2014-07-30 00:22:09 UTC

Watch Where You're Poking

Twilight flicked her ears in annoyance. She was unsatisfied by the selection of reading materials to say the least. Under-informed to downright fallacious magazines littered the small coffee table amidst several old and worn sitting mats. The so called geology magazine floating in front of her was a fine example of this. 'Diamond's Are Forever' indeed. That the issue was from several months ago was another agitator to her sensibilities.

The most infuriating thing of all: it was by choice. It must be seeing as the Mind Wellness Center of Ponyville never bothered to reply to her letters offering to update their stock of materials. She'd hoped she wouldn't endure it again after Rarity's sessions had come to a near end and she put the matter behind her after much coaxing from friend and assistant alike. However, it wasn't to be as she was once more here with poor reading material. Of course, she could have brought a book - as she'd started to while accompanying Rarity in months past - but this trip was hardly planned and so she was left adrift to the MWCP's whimsical reading choices.

Her short conversation with the yellow pelted pegasus receptionist about the matter came to an abrupt end when she succinctly asked Twilight - with flared wings - to take a seat and wait patiently. It seemed that she was high strung despite the calming ambiance in the form of soft music and potted flora. Disgruntled, Twilight had taken her seat once more. Why the ponies here would risk exposing nonsense and lies to patients already of mental frailty was nothing short of deliberate negligence. Clearly she would need to take matters into her own hooves to facilitate the proper diffusion of factual, and detailed, information in this institute.

The amusing imagery of digging out her black spandex suit - perfect for sneaking AND time travel - for a rather complex infiltration literature replacement job came to an end as Doctor Happy's door opened to produce the recently met mono-colored stallion. He was quickly followed by Doctor Happy herself, a mare with a fairly similar coloration as Cup Cake sans the swirling highlight and frosting like hair style.

Setting down the out-of-date geology magazine, Twilight stood to re-engage the most recent oddity Ponyville had provided for her. This one just happened to come with a Doctor staring at a patients haunch. Raising an eye brow she decided some gentle, if direct, social correction was needed, "See something you like Doctor?"

Happy Days snapped her head up and stared at Twilight before blinking rapidly and giving a startled shake of her muzzle, "What? No! I just.." Pausing for a moment the mind doctor gathered her thoughts quickly while John, looking confused, moved a few hoofs away from the two of them. "Good afternoon Twilight. I was just surprised that our new acquaintance here had no cutie mark."

"Really? We put that into the notes on the patient entry exam form. Wouldn't that come up in the session too?"

"Well, I got rather distracted truth be told. Still, it's certainly something I should have caught." The doctor glanced at John at the end of this statement as he interjected with 'Talent Mark'. "I'm sorry, what was that John?"

"Oh.. er... nothing actually." His mouth went into an uneven line as he looked to the side. Twilight stifled a giggle with a hoof at recalling his aversion to having something called "a cutie mark." Her attempts to explain the harmony magic behind the "rump tattoos" had been met with confusion but his cultural stumbling had been humorous.

"Alright then, lets go to the hospital and get you looked over." Happy nodded towards the clinics front door. She paused at the receptionists desk for a moment to deliver some instructions.

Twilight addressed John as he'd started moving towards Happy Days, "So, we're going to the hospital? That's a good sign at least. If things were bad it'd be the Pokey Oaks Asylum."

"Right, small blessings I suppose. Thank you for your assistance once more Ms. Twilight. I've appreciated all your help thus -"

Happy Days looked back before turning around in full, interrupting before John had the chance to continue, "We're going...? Well, certainly I was going to escort him to the hospital for a physical examination as well as an overnight committal. Seeing as he's unaware of our culture and he has no known family, I planned to have his medical matters turned over to the state."

Huh, Happy didn't want her helping with this? But this could be a case of more Everfree magic springing up! "After discussing his circumstances and how he woke up in the outskirts of the Everfree, he asked me for aid in case this difficulty was of a magical origin."

"Actually, I only asked if you knew of anything. You seemed rather quick to study my circumstances after that. Not that I mind but..." Neither mare paid John much attention over what Twilight felt was a minor correction at best. Asking about her knowledge of magic and asking her to investigate a magical infliction when she doesn't know were the same thing as far as she was concerned.

"Hmm... that's.. actually a good idea. Well, John," Happy turned away from her to regard MWCP's newest patient, "I have to confirm that you understand what Twilight being your escort means first." Ah, Twilight hadn't considered that actually. Did he know what it meant?

"That's just the person that's brought you to a clinic right?" Oh, so he really didn't know. Twilight guessed she shouldn't have been so quick with his admission forms then.

Happy gave the stallion a rather piteous look for his naivety., "No, no it's not hun. An escort is the mare that's leading the stallion around and one of the ones taking care of them. It's typically a mother, sister or spouse. Though in some instances a good friend can be used instead. Most importantly, in the medical field, the escort gains full disclosure of the patients medical results."

Twilight could see the gears turning behind his grey eyes as his mouth twitched in intervals. Finally, he settled on a grimace, "I.. see. And what about stallions that show up without an 'escort'?"

"It's not that common, but when that happens the family would need to request the records with official documentation at a later date unless they come with him to collect the results in person." Twilight watched as Happy waited patiently for the stallion to ask anything else. When no questions were presented and he retained the down turned corner in his mouth she continued, "So yes, being in the escort position is fairly important. Knowing this now, do you still wish for Twilight to be your escort?"

Thankfully, she was behind Happy Days so Twilight didn't need to be covert with her smile and nodding to the grey pony about his decision. She should have access to any information that could describe his condition to help her studies after all. She stopped though when Happy turned around to glance at her before going back to the stallions unsure expression. "Is Twilight indeed the local expert on magic and the Everfree like she said?"

"Of course I am! I've been studying the latent magic of the forest since I arrived. Along with friendship, harmony, transformation spells, Illusion mechanics, weather control, chaos magic, dragons, dragons, magical beasts and plants, time, enchantments, love, crystals, and- and... Hmm, I've been rather spread out these last couple years actually." Twilight had been rather busy in Ponyville with all the different things happening all the time. Her studies used to be a lot more focused and less sporadic. It was true she was learning a lot though so a broad education was hardly terrible. Still, she hadn't really noticed there had been so many varieties of issues nor that she hadn't been able to study any one of them nearly as extensively as she'd have liked.

Her train of thought guttered out allowing her to catch the last portion of what Happy was saying, "-pert on magic and the Everfree in Ponyville. Possibly even in Equestria."

"Then it only makes sense doesn't it? If it'll help me get better and she's so willing to take the time to study my case then it'd be foolish to turn down her expertise."

"Studying your case is partly what I'm worried about, but you're right." Twilight's ears folded back and her tail tucked a bit at hearing this. The insinuation was fairly clear. And here she'd been hoping the Ponyville residents had forgiven her for the other months cafe incident. Clopping her hooves together Doctor Happy moved towards the clinics exit once again beckoning the two of them to follow, "Lets get to the hospital before the night time drizzle hits hmm?"

Thankfully, the check in process proved easier than the walk to the hospital. The two mares were, of course, on either side of John and staying a half length ahead as was polite when escorting a colt. However, John kept picking up his pace causing the two mares to speed up to keep ahead while leading him only for him to try speeding up again. This continued for a time before Doctor Happy asked if something was the matter. Apparently, he was just trying to walk alongside of them.

He looked a little perturbed after they'd explained it was the polite way to escort a stallion in public but the two walked on either side of him afterwards as he seemed more comfortable with that. Twilight felt it would be an interesting case study to see Equestrian culture laid bare for an adult with a non-normative expectation. But she also wondered how much his skewed mind and history would bias the work. It could reveal things about their culture that were taken for granted, but comparisons would be useless.

Shortly after arriving and Happy Days requested an examination, they were escorted down the hall by Nurse Tender Hoof. Twilight tried to distract herself away from the nurses well toned white posterior as he led the group to an examination room. The last thing she needed were her friends wheedling out her enjoyment of a nurses backside at the next slumber party. They'd become rather merciless with their teasing lately since each mare started venturing into the wonders of romance aside from Twilight and Fluttershy. It's not her fault the nurses blue soccer ball covered smock made him look approachable while giving that sexy nurse look by framing his butt.

As they reached a room with a peach earth pony mare in a doctors coat standing out front, Twilight repressed a gag. How did she not notice Tender was a unicorn with blue hair, a white pelt, and even unshorn fetlocks!? Oh gods, she was just attracted to a nurse version of her brother. Her horror only grew when she saw his muzzle was equally similar to a certain BBBFF. While Twilight was fending off the bad thoughts, the Nurse left and the Doctor - Just Fine - asked Happy a few questions about John's circumstances. John was gone but she supposed he was inside trying to find a way to be comfortable on the raised, hard, examination table. She wished him luck on that front.

Nodding to the both of them, soon the physician went inside as well. There was a moment of uncomfortable silence as the two sat staring at the exam room door under the overhead lights. Twilight looked around in a desperate search to remove the heart and hoof cutie marked nurse out of her head. The white light yellow walls covered with health announcement posters combined with a few nice paintings of meadows, rivers, and one little quiet cottage provided her some respite.

Thankfully, the silence didn't stretch on for very long before Happy Days broke it. "Now that we have a moment, I'd like to ask what your goals are. You don't plan on making him a test subject do you, Twilight?" Twilight was unamused by both the question and the flat stare she was receiving.

She rolled her eyes before replying to the obvious question, "Well, of course! I'll be running lots of tests as you need empirical data to form and disprove any hypothesis" Twilight nodded her head with a grin making a mental note to dust out her basement and get the incubator chamber ready for future petri dish samples. She quickly found herself looking at a stern stare from the older mare, "What?"

The mind healer stomped her hoof and looked irritated, "Twilight, didn't you learn your lesson after those invasive studies last month? I still see Mr. Jelly about his paranoia of free desserts!"

"It's not like that! I won't be doing any questionable pony experimenting. I'm going to start out with a typical brain scan along with taking biological samples to look for substances in his system." Pausing for a moment Twilight quickly realized what she'd just said, "Oh, speaking of. They could be digesting and voiding from his system now. Make sure the Doctor retains any samples she collects so I can check them as well. Time is of the essence with any chemicals the body can metabolize."

"That's... right, I'll let doctor Just Fine know." The mare seemed to hesitate for a moment before questioning her intentions once again, "Are you sure you won't take it too far? This case is a rather complicated one, and I'm not going to rule out magical interference, but if these false memories are indeed a product of his mind then I'm worried we could lose his current lucid state if he's not approached with care."

Twilight could understand the Doctor's concerns to be careful, rationally, but she was still rather upset by it. She'd learned her lesson about ethical experimentation and studies last month after all. Why didn't anyone believe that yet? She'd had to write and submit a thirty seven paged document outlying safe and acceptable practices for peer review even.

"Yes," was Twilight's admittedly petulant reply along with a frown and folded fore legs. She'd only been trying to figure out if ponies of the three tribes had different eating habits - she did and they do - and if so postulate why - part culture and part thaumatic evolution with an acceptable error margin for persona choices and cross cultural exposure- this would be so. It's not like they weren't eating out in public too, that's public domain right there! And they chose to eat the complementary dessert she'd brought them of their own free will. Everypony has a digestive tract, why did they care so much that theirs was being scanned and studied? This was about the advancement of knowledge and science!

Of course, after thirty seven pages she was now well aware where equestrian law and the Ethics Board for the Advancement of Knowledge felt she crossed the line. About when she listed specific personal information about their families in the observation and culture exposure charts and offering them food without getting consent over ingredients that were present for purposes other than strictly digestion.

"Well, I'm glad then. So, if his troubles did come from an outside source, what would be your guess? Do you think some plant or creature in the Everfree could be involved?" It was about time Happy Days differed her some much deserved respect. Twilight IS the foremost expert on the Everfree after all. With the possible exception of her exceptional zebra friend that lives there of course. Twilight should go and visit Zecora about this at some point actually.

"It's not entirely out of the question. There are several hallucinogenic plant species in the Everfree forest, though I've haven't seen any sign of one being able to make the delusions and altered perception induced by the plant become semi permanent on the subject." Letting her face go limp into a deadpan expression she added, "Of course, this is assuming he's not simply making this up. It didn't seem like he was, but I've become a little wary about masks these days."

"That's understandable considering..." Giving her a look, Twilight was glad the doctor disinclined to continue that line of thought. She didn't want to talk about the wedding fiasco again. "Well, I don't get that impression from him and it's difficult to imagine what he could gain from it. There's also the fact that he hasn't found his talent yet. In reality, I'm wondering if it's not a combination of things..."

That caught her interest. A combination of what exactly? "How do you mean?"

"I suppose you are legally allowed to know as his escort." Twilight did her best to ignore the disheartened sigh Happy let out. It wouldn't hurt her feelings if she didn't let it. She'd known for some time that the doctor didn't particularly care for her. Twilight recalled her from a couple classes she skipped ahead to back in Canterlot and at the time she was being some what of a... well, she could see now that she was a little stuck up and hurt others egos in her enthusiasm for success. The young Librarian was trying Pinkie's advice of being friendly - there was more but Twilight wasn't getting a trampoline - to get Happy to warm up to her. She wasn't getting verbally sniped at anymore so there had been improvement! She took this as a lesson in the importance of first impressions.

"Not having a mark of talent at his age is usually a sign of suppression. Usually it's due to pressures in a family and cultural setting. Such as being a dancer but never being allowed to dance would prevent you from being fulfilled," Twilight noted that someone had apparently been reading Autumn Leaf's penultimate drama, 'Stifling Spring' recently, "So, he could have been stifled in his environment growing up through expectations, punishment, coercion, or force."

"That would explain the lack of a cutie mark, but what about the... you know." She spun her hoof about her head to indicate what she meant.

"Right, that's where I'm wondering if some fantasies or delusions he held didn't get reinforced by something in the forest. I've never heard of a pony that's lucid but retains the memories born of their madness."

"Well, that makes sense. But even being stifled or contained, why would he conjure up an entire world of aliens to escape to? Wouldn't he just imagine being a pony with a different life?" Twilight could see the doctor was reaching at straws at this point, but she didn't blame the mare for it. The chaos of Ponyville oft defied rational sense. Twilight herself had been struggling with it for years in an ongoing battle for her own sanity. Talking to puddles of herself and worrying about magic kindergarten stood as shining examples.

"I can only assume the worst about his previous situation. No matter how careful you are, it's nigh impossible to escape growing up without getting some kind of blemish or scar. Especially colts, with how rambunctious they are. Yet, no matter how hard I looked, I didn't see a single one on him. Though, we won't know for sure until the doctor comes back from looking more thoroughly. Still, it's something to think about."

She hadn't thought to look for any scars but then surely he'd have some right? Even Twilight, living most of her life as a shut in book worm- as an academic she meant - had managed to hurt herself growing up before becoming an Element of Harmony. She idly rubbed near her right forehoof, feeling the small almost bubbly bit of flesh. She'd fallen asleep at her writing desk one night only to wake up with her essay on fire along with her hoof. It'd been over quickly and the doctors cleared up most of the damage but that little spot never truly healed. She made sure to have candle holders that secured the candles with long hallow stems after that. Then, there was also the long line on her belly from a library ladder with a splintered edge that she fell from.

"There was another matter actually." Happy Days continued only after Twilight made sure to signal her attention with a nod. Did Happy Days think she couldn't focus or something? "Did he happen to mention if he remembered his name being John Smith or did he get it some other way?"

"Actually, John Smith isn't in fact his name as far as he knows. It was rather odd but before introducing himself he asked if Zachery Richardson was a reasonable or strange name. I'm not sure what a Zachery is but clearly Richardson denotes being a son of a Richard, though I don't know what that could be either. It could obviously involve riches but then what is an 'ard' outside of a suffix for forming words? So real-" Twilight paused at hearing a polite cough coming from Happy Days, her musings coming to a halt.

Blushing a bit at her obvious lost train of thought, her ears folded back before finishing her answer, "Right. Well, after I told him it was unusual he said I could call him John Smith. I asked him about that first exchange - after I found out about his memory difficulties - and he stated he was trying to distance himself from the delusion by using a temporary and meaningless name until we found out his actual name."

"Oh... well, that's good and bad then. It's unfortunate that we don't have a name to work with while searching for his missing pony report but him taking initiative to move away from the false memories is-" Happy stopped mid sentence as a door opened behind Twilight. Turning around, the young librarian welcomed the coat wearing form of Just Fine as she exited the exam room with faint clops on the tiled floor.

Giving a nod to the two of them, the mare sat on her rump and flicked the orange mane she had pulled back in a ponytail to the other side of her wither. A check board was quickly removed from the side pocket of her coat and brought to bear. "The patient appears to be healthy overall. I took some blood to be tested so the results will be available in a couple days. I have him down for a stool and urine sample tonight, so they'll be tested later in the week too."

She hummed for a moment, "Lungs are good, musculature is typical for his age, good teeth, skin, frogs, and hooves. Though he mentioned the smells of everything around bothering him a lot, there was nothing wrong with his sniffer. I didn't find anything out of the ordinary."

Happy interjected with a query that had Twilight nodding to as well, "What about his ears doctor?"

"Oh they worked perfectly when I tested them like you asked. After flicking them a bit they twitched and, while it took some doing, I managed to get him to start using them. They seem to be working just fine at this point. He did say feeling them moving around was an odd experience though. Something about having ears with fixed positions before now. I asked him what he meant but he didn't elaborate." She raised a questioning eyebrow to the mind doctor at the end, clearly curious.

"Ahem, it's part of the reason the patient is seeing me. I'll explain some of the details after we've situated him here."

"Alright then. Hmm... I did look for scars but couldn't find any. Though I can't be certain as I wasn't able to fully complete the exam." The mare put the clipboard back into her white coat and stood up before the two of them.

This was supposed to be a full physical examination, and it sounded like it was. What else was there? Twilight asked her question aloud, curious about the answer.

"I wasn't able to perform an inspection of his testes, anus, or sheathe. By extension I couldn't perform a penile examination either." Twilight's mouth took on an O shape at this. She hadn't escorted a stallion to a doctors appointment just yet so somehow she'd forgotten their exams involved that sort of thing. It's not as though her own anus, labia, vestibule, and urethra weren't examined when she got a check up so she shouldn't be surprised. This was just a first time for her.

"Did John state any reason why? From what I know, it's not normally a problem right?" Twilight was having a hard time figuring out why such a basic anatomy exam would be problematic too. Those were all very important parts of the body and integral to a ponies health. Why would he avoid them being examined by the doctor?

Just Fine's ears slumped down as the mare glanced to the side, "He was against being exposed or examined in that area. I tried to reason with him about his personal health and how those body parts are natural but he was rather adamant. He seemed somewhat amiable to it at first and was even gearing up to let me inspect his anus and scrotum until I mentioned that he'd need to unsheathe his member for the penile exam and then he became rather difficult altogether saying his member wasn't coming out and he didn't feel he needed any of his lower orifices examined."

The doctor flicked her long well cared for tail from one side to the other in bafflement before continuing, "Normally this is a pretty straight forward portion of the exam. Stallions don't really have qualms with letting themselves out for a quick compliment or two, let alone a medical exam. The only time I had a problem like this before was coaxing an individual with a disfigurement to not feel ashamed of their body with a medical professional. But asking the patient about it, he didn't seem to be lying when he said it wasn't disfigured. Actually, that upset John more now that I think of it." She ended it all with a shrug of her withers.

"Well, if he's not comfortable unsheathing himself then it will need to wait until he's more comfortable. Anything else I should know? Thanks for viewing the patient on such short notice Just Fine." Happy Days gave Just Fine a smile, one of familiarity. Twilight wouldn't be surprised if they knew each other outside of work.

"Of course Happy. Happy to help." Just Fine winked at Happy's rolling eyes before she shook her head, "That covers it so far. We'll have to wait for the results to come back on the samples we're taking but he's-"

Seeing a good point to step in herself, Twilight interjected between the two doctors, "Speaking of samples Doctor, I would like it if you could have some of the samples you procure put to the side for my own testing." Seeing the mares raised eye brow she felt the need to elaborate, "I'm checking them for any signs of his problems being the result of magic. Specifically, magic from the Everfree forest."

Just Fine glanced questioningly to Happy Days who nodded in turn. Twilight wanted to be irritated at this but knew the sharing of medical waste was a cautiously controlled one. Before the conversation could continue, the three mares attention was grabbed by something else entirely.

"Holy shiT!" The sudden yell from the examination room startled the three mares, Twilight herself jumping at the sudden coarse language. Quickly, the two unicorns fumbled their magic around the double hinged door, trying to open it only to thwart each other as she tried to push it inwards and Happy outwards. In turn the two mares ended up in a heap on the floor of the examination room as they smacked into a still closed doorway after charging ahead.

"It's so big..." Hearing this confused voice of wonderment Twilight looked up to catch sight of the commotion. It was John with a measuring tape along with... littler John? Just what was he doing in here? She felt a blush start to develop on seeing his exposed self next to a measuring tape, but was otherwise confused. What was the problem that had him yelling? Didn't he have an aversion to being unsheathed? What was going on?

"Ahhh! What are you doing in here? Out! OUT!" The stallion contorted himself away from them turning his back and pulling the thin sheet on the nearby examination pad down to cover himself - clearly embarrassed - and started motioning at the doorway with his free fore hoof. Oh look, his ears work 'just fine' like the doctor Just Fine had said. Twilight decided she would need to remember that one for later use. And Dash had said she wasn't good at comedy! Ha, that's what Twilight said to that. Ha, Ha, Ha.

"Is everything alright, you cussed and yelled a moment ago?" Doctor Just asked from the hallway, looking at John over her and Happy's heap on the floor.

"No, no, I'm fine. Was just surprised a bit is all. Sorry for yelling. Just, please close the door." He had shifted his red faced gaze to the wall, not looking at the three of them. Or anything as Twilight saw his eyes were scrunched closed.

"Right, sorry for upsetting you John. Come on Twilight." Twilight felt Happy finally disentangle from her and back out of the room. She followed suit, giving a confused pardon before leaving the exam room. As she backed out she felt the cotton of Doctor Fine's coat brush past her and saw the peach pelted mare enter the examination room.

"What are- I meant you too!" John sounded a little high pitched and Twilight had given up trying to put sense to his distress.

"What? I need to finish the examin-," *swing* the snapping sound of a rubber hoof cover being pulled into place broke out of the doorway, just escaping the warble as the door continued to swing in and out several times. "-ine, just relax for a minute and-," *swing*, "- measuring tape over."

"I already said I wasn't doin-," *swing* Twilight could see the doctor with fore hooves covered in thin green rubber covers approaching a mortified John, "- it doesn't need to be checked!"

"Don't get cold hoo-," *swing*, "-ou already got it out to be looked over s-" the door ceased it's swinging at last.

Silence stretched outside the patient room as Twilight tried to process the casual strangeness that she just witnessed. She was so used to Pinkie's special brand of oddities that something realistic like an awkward patient examination gave her pause instead. What a life she lived if this is what confused her anymore instead of the emergency disguise mustaches hidden around town.

"Hmm, that was... unusual." A voice sounded out, dragging Twilight into conversation.

"Ya, it wasn't big at all..." Was Twilight's first response, trying to parse through the events in order of occurrence. Why had he yelled in the first place? The stallion had been wide eyed at himself... did he really think that he was well endowed? It couldn't have been even close the national average. She'd caught a glimpse at that measuring tape, somewhere around twenty-one to twenty-two centimeters give or take his positioning of the tape. It was below the national average of twenty-six and a quarter centimeters regardless. "He really is crazy if he thinks that's big."

"No, not that." A voice decided to intrude into her thoughts.

Snapped back to the world, she shifted her previously bemused gaze to Happy Days. "Huh?"

"It's fairly common for stallions to have an inflated ego about their 'size'," Happy emphasized the word by making quotes in the air with her hooves, "even if they're actually fairly small. It is an integral part of the male ego and few mares, family or herd, would cause them such emotional harm as to belittle it. It's also considered petty and cruel to hurt a mare by debasing her stallions confidence. So, attacks on their male ego are rare."

Twilight nodded along with the mind doctor, clapping a hoof on the floor in concurrence. "Ah, of course. The Short Sheath Syndrome. Well, did you mean how he dropped himself out?" She didn't see anything odd about it. After all, Spike did weird things with his body all the time. Like tasting his feet, eating his claw trimmings, and measuring how far he could spit - she cringed remembering that time - so Twilight just figured that's how guys were.

"Well, yes considering he did just wish to avoid it but more so on how embarrassed he was. It's like Doctor Fine said, most stallions are happy to show themselves off. Especially herdless stallions. It's their most prominent desirable sexual trait, aside from their broad frame and muzzle. Also, attracting mares increases their survival odds and general happiness due to social expectations so it's sound instinct."

"You didn't have to explain a stallions instincts, I happen to be an avid pony biology enthusiast after all. I've read through all of Cherry Marewin's collection on thaumatic evolutions along with Careful Look's investigations into the nature of instincts in Equu's different sapient beings." Twilight tilted her head up in pride at the end, happy that once again, being a well rounded student had been proven useful for everyday life.

"Then you'll agree that this was odd given how he was acting ashamed at his genitalia being exposed, especially amongst professionals. Hmm... that says some unsettling things about his past home life and may lend some credence to my fears." The pink maned mare looked away, putting a hoof below her chin, to stare at one of the many health advisory posters on the walls. Somehow, Twilight gathered she was more likely in thought than taking to heart the 'Have a Hay Day! For Your Health!' slogan from a poster on proper fiber intake.

"Are you sure it was shame? He just looked embarrassed to me. I know my brother felt embarrassed a few times when he 'showed off' without meaning too. Mostly cause it caused problems with all the mares in his classes." Twilight giggled while remembering times with her brother coming home bearing saddle bags filled with Hearts and Hooves Day cards.

Being an aristocratic stallion with a direct line to the Princess through his sister, on top of being athletic and well built, left Shining flummoxed with his romantic life and trying to discern the earnest mares from the disingenuous ones. A little known fact is that he'd actually wanted to try and make it in the ECF (Equestrian Cavalry Forces) and aim for becoming a General - the first Stallion in centuries to do so - but decided to join the Royal Guards instead since it was a stallion only unit. After the worst of it during his senior year she didn't blame him.

Last she'd heard from him he was doing well in the ranks, despite his newest duties as a prince, and still loved the job, but now that he was older he regretted not being tougher and taking the dive into the ECF. Twilight agreed with their mom that this was a much better fit for him though. Neither had wanted to see him charging head first into any border skirmishes or Diamond Dog caves, let alone the 'civil incidents' that happen to ECF enlisted stallions when there were too many physically trained mares around and not enough over sight. Though given that he was married to a certain former bestest foalsitter she wondered just what his days were really like now.

Keeping a hoof to her chin, Doctor Happy waved off the idea with her free hoof. "Years of observing patients emotional and mental queues hones your skills at discerning these things. It was definitely shame."

Seeing an opening for a bit of wit Twilight committed to her jab with a small snort of amusement, "Oh? Keen observations like noticing what a patients cutie mark is hmmm?" She always enjoyed a good quip. The mind doctor looked fairly nonplussed about the comment. Hmm, perhaps back and forth witty remarks wasn't her thing.

Twilight shuffled her hooves nervously when Happy squared up her shoulders and looked steadily into her eyes. Did Twilight go too far? Was this one of those times where a verbal jab was more irritating then funny? She was still figuring that out! What made this too far? "Twilight, first, I want you to know that Rarity has been very happy with our meetings about her compulsive behavior and we're both glad you referred her to me. That said, you're more than welcome to come visit anytime life seems like it's just too hectic, alright?" Happy Days ended her message by raising a hoof and setting it upon Twilight's withers, giving her a gentle pat.

Glancing at the awkward hoof upon her, Twilight shifted her back legs uncomfortably. This wasn't the response she'd expected. "Well, I'm glad Rarity has been feeling better but I'm not sure what you're implying exact-"

"How is your schedule for today looking Twilight?" The other mare squeezed her withers at the end of the statement, gazing at her with an obscure expression. Was it condescending? Was it sympathy? Was it humor? WAS IT ALL OF THEM?!

That strange mark-less stallion had completely derailed her late afternoon plans! "No no no noo no nooo!" Twilight started shaking her head, backing away from the light blue doctor. With a forehoof brought to the base of her horn Twilight began running through the mental checklist of all the activities that had been waylaid by this development.

"I was supposed to pick up that outfit at Rarity's for tomorrow and recheck the reservations at Daisy's Basket along with ordering a cloud over Whitetail Pond and confirm the meeting time and place for the date with Applejack and Soarin and and - I don't have my list with me!" She didn't even have the list on her to confirm that she had remembered it all and - worst of all - she wasn't speaking in proper sentences anymore! This was a disaster AND a crime against Common Equish!

She'd need to run back to the library first to make sure her eidetic memory wasn't faulty from overlooking or failing to read part of the list. It was the only option. Golden Oaks should be closed by now so Spike could split up and do part of the work instead of cooking dinner too.

"Thanks for the help Twilight, and just remember that my doors are always-!" Twilight paid Doctor Happy little attention as she charged up a teleportation spell and vanished with a flash and pop. It was rude to teleport indoors, especially a hospital, but she'd need to hurry if she was ever going to recover her fumbled schedule!

She'd be mortified if her date tomorrow with Soarin and Applejack, after weeks of her friends convincing her to finally try dating and then setting it up with the Wonderbolt, went poorly and they thought she was uninterested, or ungrateful, or sloppy - or - or - worst yet: a slacker! She ignored the quiet voice in her mind that mentioned how Rainbow Dash and Soarin might actually like that development. That was one of many concerns she had that could wait awhile.

Author's Note

Thaumatic is a word Terry Pratchet uses to describe "things to do with magic" basically. A couple friends of mine are big on him, though I haven't read any of his works. Figured the word would do well here.

Not sure if anyone noticed, but I colored Happy Days after the logo of the show with the same name.

I'm not terribly satisfied with the dialogue of this chapter since these are well mannered and semi polite individuals so I found it difficult since their voices (modes of speaking) felt so similar in this mundane setting.

Doctor's Visit and Exit

"No, I am most certainly not comfortable. Who would be comfortable after being violated by a cotton swab." The grey pelted and black maned patient was obviously disgruntled and seemed to be trying to sit without letting his butt actually rest on the bed. The room was fairly dark now with evening having set in.

"I'm sorry about that John, but it could be really important to figuring this situation out. It was simply too unusual to ignore." Just Fine sighed after her fourth apology of the evening to the unhappy pony. She was checking on him one last time before she clocked out for the night, her only other patient already taken care of. She wanted to be nice, especially after hearing his story from Happy, but her orange mane felt stringy and her peach coat of fur was matted with sweat. Her desire to get home and shower before snuggling up to her mare-friend Cherry Berry was quickly out weighing her patience.

Maybe Quick Study would be there too if she was lucky. Though, Cherry had been feeling excluded when the three of them were together since she couldn't keep up with their conversations about more complex subject matter. Just Fine didn't like the thought of her love being simple or ditzy, but there was no getting around the fact that Cherry lead a life with much less need for scholarly knowledge than herself and Quick Study who was a professional post education tutor for biology and math who was currently completing her own research project. This thought brought a familiar heavy weight into her heart. She really hoped Cherry would warm up to their new friend but it wasn't looking promising just yet.

John continued to grumble mildly while looking around his sparse room. A basic bed with lime green sheets matching his patient gown and a night stand with a lamp and several periodicals were the prominent features aside from a similar bed nearer to the door with a curtain to divide the two if another patient came in. A small hoof loop hung next to each bed with cords going up into the ceilings. After a time, he stopped his muttering and exhaled deeply, "Fine, but next time you could at least get me dinner first."

Just Fine was preparing another platitude to sooth his hurting rectum but stopped as his statement sunk in. Had he just made a joke? Seeing his slowly growing smirk she gave out a bark of laughter, "I'll be sure to keep that in mind then. Dinner, maybe a play, and then invasive cotton swabs. Good to know." She'd thought him polite to the point of being utterly boring. The incident earlier with the exam and the two stumbling mares had livened things up a bit but she still figured he was just a stick in the mud. This was the closest she'd seen him come to being anything other than polite, embarrassed, or stoic. Perhaps there was hope for him yet.

"That's good then. I'm not sure I can take a second helping of this hospitals fare." John's eyes glanced uneasily to a plate holding what was left of a baked apple on a bed of blue grass. The grass was only half eaten as was the apple.

"I know, we're terrible for feeding you healthy roughage. It's all part of our plan to break the wills of ponies while they're weak and defenseless." She held her deadpan expression for a moment before dropping it after she managed to attain a grunt of amusement. It wasn't much, but it was more than she'd gotten all day so she'd take it. Putting her clipboard away she asked, "And how was it? Did it not settle okay or were you just not hungry? I know you said you hadn't eaten at all that you're aware of. Since before this morning at least."

"It was fine I suppose. I can't say I'm partial to Apples or grass though." She quirked an eyebrow at the thought of a pony disliking grass. Was that even possible? "I don't have much of an appetite, though I know should. I don't want to waste any food though, so I'll make my way through it regardless of taste or hunger."

"Having a reduced appetite is reasonable considering your situation. Well, see that you do finish it. You won't be leaving until we get a stool sample after all." He grimaced at this but nodded. Health could be an unpleasant business for both sides of the equation. "Alright then, if you need any help just pull on that cord there."

"Right, and it'll ring a bell down the hall where the night nurse is." He said this while pawing through the various magazines on the nightstand. They were 'Lead Mare Monthly', 'The Stallion', and 'Equestrian Guard' if her eyes weren't deceiving her. She cringed when she saw the EG issue was the early spring 'Guards Out of Uniform' edition. It was a notorious early spring release of different members of the Diarchy's all stallion royal guard posing suggestively for the camera out of their armor. The only reason they got away with it was due to however suggestive it was, none of them were ever out of their sheathes in the shots. Still, it was a risque edition fawned over each year by young mares and growing fillies everywhere.

Coughing into her hoof, she caught his attention before he could discern it's contents, "It looks like you're all set then."

Looking up from his provided reading material he gave her a nod, "I think I am. Thank you for your help today Miss Just, I appreciate it. Well, some of it anyway." She smiled at his unruly look before turning to leave.

"Good Night John." Waving behind her Just walked away from the room down the hall to drop off the patients records. She made sure to open the doors quietly in case any of the other patients were sleeping. Inside was a familiar view. A table pushed against a beige wall with several comfortable mats for the nurses and orderlies to sit. Set into the wall were a series of small numbered bells, such as '3A' and '7B', that had cords coming down from the ceiling to them. This would be how a patient would get their attention.

It was here that the muted blue coated Nurse Tenderheart sat with her hair done up in a bun much like her twin sister. There were several patient clipboards next to her at the table, and her latest issue of Back Herd monthly in her hooves. The magazine detailed a rather conservative Beta mare lifestyle and was all about how to be a facilitating beta in a healthy herd. Things like how to interpret signals or messages sent to you by the Alpha mare and how to keep healthy so you stay in the middle of the pack instead of becoming the herds Omega. It also featured foal rearing information for herd mothers, of course. Just Fine always lead her relationships so she preferred to read Wayfinder herself.

The periodical was another reminder that her fellow earth pony coworker was planning for a foal soon. Apparently her herds lead decided they were ready to start raising a family so this spring Tenderheart and Aloe, or was it Lotus, would be putting Mr. Baritone through his paces.

*Ahem* She cleared her throat to get the mares attention, "Studying up Tenderheart?"

"Oh, Doctor Just! I didn't even hear you come in. Yes, just trying to mentally prepare as much as I can." Marking her page, Tenderheart set the magazine down before looking to her again. "Done for the evening Doctor?"

"That's right, I'm heading home for the night. It's been a long day."

Tenderheart developed a rather naughty look with a little twinkle shining in her pink irises when she winked, "I'm sure Cherry will perk you right up."

Running her peach furred - or 'her peach fuzz' if you were a certain cute mare friend - hoof through her orange mane she returned the saucy look with a tired smile, "I don't doubt she will. But I have to finish here before I can enjoy any of that. Here," Just Fine pulled out John's patient briefing and hoofed the clipboard over to the nurse for reference over night. "He shouldn't be any trouble. He's supposed to provide us with samples so check on him now and then in case he's set one off to the side for collection."

Tenderheart nodded and continued to look over the briefing, "Alright then Doctor, anything else I should know?"

"He's, well... he's not crazy, but he's not all there exactly either. So try not to let any odd comments or confusion throw you off. And maybe keep a tranquilizer at ready just in case." Seeing Tenderheart's pink eyes widen Just went to alleviate the mares rising fear, "No need to be worried, he's only been polite and gentle so far. I'm just suggesting it as a worst case scenario. There really shouldn't be any trouble aside from grumbling."

"Well, if you're sure... how is he crazy but not exactly?" the younger mare sounded hesitant while pulling out a small bin that contained several syringes.

"I am sure." She stepped forward to put her hooves on the nurse's wither and rubbed them with familiarity. Tenderheart tensed for a moment before relaxing into the touch, her ears drooping a bit as she released a sigh. After a moment Just continued while smiling, "I think the worst you'll deal with is his grumbling about invasive examinations. And as for his situation, the most I can share is on his file but summed up, his memories don't match his current reality and he's trying to figure out how to go forward from there."

Seeing Tenderheart nod the Doctor backed away and started to leave the room as the nurse began to fill a small syringe with one of the sedative vials. "Alright then Doctor Just. I hope your evening goes well."

"I'm sure it will." Almost out the second set of doors leading further into the staff only section of the hospital she paused at remembering something else she needed done. "Oh right, one more thing. Tenderheart, can you see to it that this is given to Doctor Happy Days when she comes in tomorrow?"

Tenderheart, placing the prepared tranquilizer aside, took the folded memo from Just's hoof before securing it to John's patient file. "Certainly Doctor. Now shoo, stop lingering."

"Alright, I'm leaving then. Enjoy your magazine." With that she left her coworker behind and proceeded down to her office to pick several items up and drop off her coat for washing. Just Fine still had a long walk home but her hooves didn't feel very heavy knowing who she'd be seeing soon.

MEMO
To: Happy Days
Subject: Abnormality - Quick Results

I won't be in tomorrow so I wanted to let you know some preliminary results of that abnormality I told you I'd found. It will take some time to do a full study of his rectal fluid but a quick test revealed there was indeed no waste-by-product of digestion in his intestine. Not one bit. This effect is possible with a delicate medical spell that removes material from the digestive system but it's a very rare spell that only a few unicorns specializing in digestion have mastered. I haven't heard of this sort of occurrence outside of that spell either. How this factors into his circumstances is unclear to me. He hasn't provided any stool or urine samples yet but when we get those we'll process all three in a bundle. The hospital will have the results of those tests sent to your office since you stated you planned on having him moved to a more semi permanent and hospitable location for his treatment. You said Twilight is designated as his escort and is studying his situation, so I've filed that the results should be sent to her as well.

Just Fine, PD

Things are Rarely a Walk in the Park

It was a new day in Ponyville and a sunny one at that. With the rain the night before coming to an end, the Ponyville weather team made quick work of the remaining clouds. Happy had rather enjoyed the warm sunlight whilst running around the town this morning. She had quite a bit of work to get done over the recent addition to her patient roster, but now her preparations had come to an end and she found herself in the admissions room of the hospital proper catching up with an old friend, nurse Redheart. Swapping 'war stories' to be specific.

Nurse Redheart was having trouble containing her laughter while telling this particular tale of hospital staff shenanigans as was Happy after the nurse got halfway through.,"... and so Minuette was left sitting there trying to decide what she would do with Clear Sight, Just Fine, and that one hoof specialist, I forget his name... you know, the one that treats corns, thrush infections, an- Ah, Good Hoof. Doctor Good Hoof. So yes, poor Minuette was left trying to decide how she was ever going to explain to the head of the district's medical board why three quarters of Ponyvlle's medical representatives were mumbling incoherently while sprawled out on the floor of their hotel in Manehatten with completely dry lips in-" Nurse Redheart failed to stifle her giggling here and barely succeeded, "And! And get this... the meeting was less then half an hour away! Hahaha! Oh Celestia, that poor sweet mare."

Happy didn't bother to stifle her giggle at the finish to Redheart's story. She'd been selected to go to a couple of those medical board meetings and knew just how bad an influence Clear Sight could be about partaking in delicious salts. Clear Sight had said 'Just a pinch'. It never was only a pinch though despite her own efforts against the enabling eye doctor. Happy had found her weakness in celery salt personally, and Clear Sight capitalized on it. "That story sounds awfully familiar in truth. I can't say we fared much better in Las Pegasus last year. I'm worried Ponyville's medical staff will start forming a reputation for salts soon."

"I guess it's to be expected when you live in a Wet municipality. Though..." The nurse leaned over the admissions counter in overblown secrecy, gesturing Happy approach closer, "I hear there's gonna be an appeal on the ballot this year to over turn 'Mayor Mare's Salt Ban for Family Wellness' bill this year."

Whispering back in her own conspiratorial voice Happy went to deepen the political gossip, "Really? What about the M.A.S group? If that's the case why haven't they been campaigning to keep it posted? They got the bill passed through originally after all."

Nurse Redheart leaned back and shrugged, "I suppose that's true. Maybe we'll start seeing ponies on boxes and leaflets getting hoofed out at city hall soon? Communal voting is still 5 months away after all."

Happy considered this for a moment and went to reply but was interrupted by the opening doors of the hospitals patient wing. The orderly sent to check on her patient's readiness was back; a pale yellow pegasus mare with a band-aid cutie mark. "You can go back, the patient is awake."

"Ah, thank you nurse. Just Fine didn't find any immediate problems so John will be checking out now." Turning back to Redheart the mind healer gave her a polite nod, "A pleasure as always Red. Say hello to Blue and Cheerilee for me won't you?"

"Of course. Always good seeing you doctor. Oh, and good luck keeping Ponyville's wackiness in check." Red Heart said with a wink and exposed tongue.

"Pinkie Pie willing, I'll stay the course Red Heart." The two mares shared a titter before Happy leaned forward to give her friend a quick nuzzle. Afterwards, sharing a smile, she turned and left the room for the patients wing. She gave a light nod and thanks when the yellow orderly told her which room John was in.

The walk was a short one as Ponyville, despite it's occasional mayhem, was a fairly hardy town of country folk. Only a couple of rooms were occupied at any given time and the wing itself had only a capacity of sixteen patients total, two to a room. She gave a wave to Daisy, one of the flower sisters recovering from an unfortunate bee sting in her nostril. Or so Happy had heard from the small town gossip network.

Coming to her newest patients partially open door she rose a hoof to politely knock upon it's surface before entering. "Good afternoon John. How are you feeling today?" The grey pony was sitting by the window looking outside though he turned and nodded to her when she called out. A hospital gown was sitting on the bed, obviously discarded.

"Hello Doctor Happy. Thank you for coming. I'm doing much the same as yesterday though less sore thankfully. "

"That's good to hear and of course I'd come. You're my patient after all." She gestured to the lime green cloth with a hoof before smiling with camaraderie, "Didn't care for the gown I take it?"

"Ah, yes, that. It was uncomfortable and did little for me seeing how it left my... tail exposed." Here he rubbed the back of his neck with relaxed ears appearing unsure. It was easier to read him now that his ears were seemingly moving - why they were so still before remained part of the puzzle he represented though. If he wanted the gown to cover his tail then was he worried about his natural coverings or being exposed? "Why have such things in a hospital if you normally- I mean, WE normally walk around naked already? It strikes me as very silly. Ridiculous even."

"You're not the first to ask that actually. It's mostly to add another layer of protection from the elements but also acts as a cover for biological messes. Such as a leaking bandage or if the pony throws up onto their belly or sneezes out draining sinuses while lying on their back. That kind of thing."

"So... it's like a baby's bib for the entire body? I guess that makes sense in a way." He glanced at the garment for a moment before snorting, "It's nice to know they thought I was going to hurl, drool, or bleed all over myself at any point then."

Happy Days was pretty sure that was sarcasm just then. She almost lost her train of thought at hearing it but decided it meant he might be opening up more. Or starting too. It was obvious to her after they'd parted yesterday that his politeness was a coping or defense mechanism. Possibly both. A society was more likely to help a polite and soft spoken citizen than a poorly spoken and unruly one.

"It's just standard procedure to give it to everypony that stays over night. Personally, I consider it more of a body sized napkin. And the tail is exposed so it doesn't hinder a patient who is trying to use the restroom. Some have a hard time walking already after all." He gave a barely audible 'ah' and with that the two lapsed into silence for the moment. Deciding to get things moving onwards she gestured towards the door, "If you're all set lets get you to your semi permanent home for the time being. And on the way we'll discuss how we should best approach your situation."

"I can't say I'll be sorry to leave this place behind." At the door he paused before looking back at the somewhat untidy bed and dish covered nightstand, "Should I pick up or clean before I go?"

"Few people are happy to stay so I'm not surprised. As for the room, it's fine. They have to come and take everything out for washing anyway." Continuing forward, she made her way to one of the wing's exits marked by a yellow exit sign. Nudging the doorway open, she held it for the stallion to walk past her. Remembering his aversion to following yesterday, she opted to walk alongside him once more. Whatever put the patient at ease.

She started to make a beeline for the park not but two blocks away. The hospital utilized it's presence for the physical therapy needs of recovering patients. Having the two so close together was one of the small towns better decisions when it came to zoning. Being Moonday, the start of a sunny weekend for most ponies (her own days off actually being Firstday and Twosday), it was fairly occupied now that yesterday's rain had evaporated.

Glancing to her side she tried to gauge her patients expressions as they meandered to the pony filled park. She could see his grey irises moving about the scenery trying to follow the different details. Was he looking for something in particular?

It was a typical scene really. Numerous families were positioned around the grassy knolls overlooking the central field the younger ponies played in. Each talking amongst herd mates or friends. Sometimes, one of the mothers would approach another herd for a word as their foals started playing amongst each other. Happy had no doubt that they were sizing up and meeting the other family in case a budding friendship between the foals led somewhere else later on. It was a small town, so everypony knew each other to some extent but there was always room for more friends and acquaintances - and inter-herd conflict and family feuding often enough if some of her patients were any indication.

Following his line of sight once it became fixed on something she saw a few stallions that were playing with the young ponies. Between the pony back rides, play wrestling, and some light hoofball, it looked like a fairly merry scene and one all too familiar to Ponyville. "Does this remind of something? Family or your childhood perhaps?"

Snapping out of his trance his ears slumped for a second before he shook his head, "Nothing outside of my other memories I'm afraid. It's more that... I'm not sure if I'm seeing something I should be worried about or if I'm tricking myself."

"Something you're worried about?" She probed gently to see if he'd share sooner rather than later.

He didn't meet her eye and a frown developed around his mouth, "It's something I'd rather wait to talk about. Maybe when we get to our destination. Speaking of, what should I be expecting exactly Ms. Happy?"

She accepted his explanation in stride, it'd come up later today or in a session before long. "First, you should be expecting to meet and greet with your fellow ponies. All too often, patients that have something preventing them from having a 'normal' or 'typical' social exchange with others will hole themselves up and shut every pony out. This can cause a lot of problems, emotionally, socially, and mentally. So, awkward or not, I'll be expecting you to meet and converse with at least thirteen ponies a day to help acclimate you to Equestrian society. That's a bakers dozen, easy to remember."

"Wait, what?"

Seeing that John had stopped walking altogether, Happy turned to look back at the other pony questioningly, "Is something the matter?"

"I was actually asking about the place we were going to right now but I guess my therapy was a question I had also. Doctor, that all certainly makes sense and I... could potentially see myself doing that. But! Thirteen a day is a steep number. I really can't imagine conversing with so many on any given day let alone everyday."

"Oh, sorry John. I guess I had my mind on our sessions." Hmm, thirteen was too high? She'd felt the stoic pony might have trouble meeting others so she'd kept the number conservative for his sake. "Why is that John? Thirteen isn't a very high number for social interactions. In fact, I've conversed with no less than nine myself just this morning before coming to get you. I only meant to exchange names and converse with them a little. I certainly don't expect you to garnish their deepest secrets and their life long aspirations or anything."

She paused for a moment to reconsider before quickly adding, "Though if you do that would be great. Making friends is the goal after all!"

"I guess... I could manage that." The stallion looked to the ground for a moment, fiddling with a peddle under hoof once again before looking up unsure. "It's just, what should I say about myself and my situation? I don't like lying if I can avoid it."

Hearing his admission, she felt her eyes widen in shock though she tried to maintain her visage. She could hardly control every reaction but she always tried her best to make a patient feel like they could share anything with her and shock was just another kind of judgement."Lying? John, it's good that you don't like lying but I'm wondering why you'd think that's what I asked of you? Is there anything wrong with being honest with the ponies you befriend?"

She saw his eyes drift to the side. Though he caught it before they slipped from her eye contact she knew it was a sign of aversion. "I would be extremely uncomfortable spreading around the details of my situation. I'm not particularly fond of appearing weak to others. Nor insane as it were." Apparently the aversion was to his own condition. She was rather mildly surprised at this. Wasn't he the pony that marched into her office, and Twilight's library, and so firmly informed her that he was likely insane? Where was his confidence now? Or rather, when did he develop typical stubborn stallion pride?

"Now, recall we already found you are quite sane. Otherwise, you have absolutely nothing to be ashamed of. This isn't your fault John and you shouldn't suffer anymore because of it than you already are. Okay?" She paused to look deeply into his eyes, trying her best to communicate the feelings behind her words so they'd reach him. She continued when he eventually gave her a sign of his acceptance that she'd sought for.

"That said, my decision stands. Converse with at least thirteen possible new friends a day and, while I don't expect you to purposely divulge your situation, I don't want you to dodge or mislead any questions about it either. The pains and burdens we live through help shape us and no-pony can ever truly know you unless you've shared those with them."

He heaved a resigned sigh, before nodding his assent once more. "I'll try my best then. Perhaps being in a small town will help with that. Though I envision being taken for a struggling stand up comedian at some point."

She paused for a moment wondering if that was an attempt at a joke. "Umm, right, good. Aside from that, you'll be seeing me an hour before noon each day for us to talk about how you're doing and figure out the best ways to help you get acclimated. These sessions shouldn't take more than half an hour but I had an entire hour cleared in case we want it to run later. It's early in the day as I may give you a task for the day to help with your settling in here. Otherwise, Twilight will tell me when she wants you to come by the library for testing or questions. She's a very busy and important mare for Equestria so her time, however well scheduled, is fairly limited."

"I'm just glad she was so willing to help at all. Though her eagerness for testing was worrisome.." There'd been stories about beds with straps and other immobilizing mechanisms in Twilight's basement so Happy shared John's unease. She nodded her head toward their destination down the park's walkway and he quickly joined her in walking once more.

Before she could continue detailing her plan for his situation she noticed a look of trepidation on him, "Is something wrong John?"

Nodding his head he idly kicked a rock down the bricked path they currently walked on. A pair of earth ponies passing them glanced questioningly but looked away shortly after. "I didn't exactly wake up with money so I'm starting to worry about all these costs. Is there some kind of community work plan I'll be joining to pay for my rent, food, and medical bills? I'm not sure I'm going to be able to find work for the moment else wise. My credentials are rather awful at the moment."

"What? Bills?" Happy processed this for a moment before she realized the fool thought he'd be charged for getting ill. "You don't have to worry about that." His eyes bunched in thought while his mouth opened to speak but Happy continued before he could, "I'll probably put you through some community service as part of your treatment, but you aren't expected to pay for your housing and food while you get reestablished with society."

"Huh?"

"Hmm? Were you expecting something else? Celestia taught us that 'If We Care For Everypony Then Everypony Will Care For Us And So We Shall Never Be Alone'. Making sure everyone is able to get the care and comfort they need is the first step as a compassionate society."

"That's... a nice sentiment and I'm glad it's seemingly working here." John stared straight ahead for a time before finally shaking his head, "Still, I feel as though I'll be owing someone without a way to pay them back. I suppose I'll be left with doing community service to try and clear that debt." Ah, there's the classic male stubbornness and sense of grievances. So it wasn't an isolated issue earlier with sharing his condition. Between yesterday and now she wondered how and why it sprung up. It was charming in a way, however foolish.

Happy shouldn't be surprised John could get like this. The guilt of not being able to fend for yourself at all times isn't uncommon, though as a percentage it crops up more in stallions than mares. The point was to get better and get back to happily living your life and in doing so help society by being a positive functioning member of it. It wasn't about owing some imagined debt as by living and working you'd be helping the next pony. 'Pay It Forward' was the bill's slogan for a reason. This also kept the number of homeless down and lowered the crime rate. There were days she rued the 43 something percent income tax rate her nation held though.

She gave a mental shrug, this was something that wouldn't be changing anytime soon, no matter how rational or polite a pony was. "If that'll make you feel better then everypony would of course be happy to see you help out more."

"In the face of such generosity I'm left unsure what to say except thank you."

"Well, just thank-" Happy's reply was cut short by a sing song voice she had grown used to hearing on a weekly basis.

"Did I hear somepony say Generosity?" Happy glanced to her right to see Rarity, Element of Generosity, closing the short gap between them from a knoll. There, a purple and white picnic blanket, atop a larger simple red wool throw blanket, sat with tea and biscuits set up along with cushions shaded by a parasol. It would seem that her patient was having a weekend social event here. Or just enjoying some tea with her good weather and leaving cushions for possible fellow gossipers.

Rarity herself was wearing a simple Sunday dress. Well, simple for the seamstress anyway. Despite the impressive pattern, frills, and ribbons on the white and blue number, it did only have one layer and a single accompaniment in the form of a purple neckerchief.

"Good afternoon Rarity, a pleasure as always. Enjoying the weather?" Rarity most certainly was. A spot of countess grey tea, a warm breeze, and a parasol to prevent any sun damage made the day quite relaxing. It also provided a nice chance for meeting and greeting her neighbors, customers, and ponies ripe with gossip assuming Prim Posy or Lilac Links would crop up at some point for their informal but scheduled tea time visit.

"Oh yes, the sun has been simply marvelous. The perfect weather for tea in fact!" She shifted her gaze to the pony beside the doctor. This has to be the stallion she encouraged Twilight to tell her about last night. The colors matched and he was walking along side Happy Days instead of a little behind, so it all fit.

Rarity was rather surprised when Twilight arrived late to pick up her dress yesterday. Surely something that would make Twilight late for her first date's preparations - with Applejack and Soarin no less - had to be due to something interesting. It was a simple matter of holding the dress hostag -ahem- under hoof until Twilight could explain what made her late for their afternoon meeting.

Turning to the new stallion in town she looked into his grey eyes confidently, "And this stallion must be the infamous John - bane of Twilight's schedule - yes?"

"Twilight did mention getting an outfit last night..." The lovely mind doctor gestured from the stallion to herself, granting her a proper introduction. "John, this is Rarity. Ponyville's local fashionista as well as one of it's best seamstresses."

She raised her hoof before her and closed her eyes as was the usual custom in Canterlot. Normally, the higher class ponies would grasp the hoof and bow for a mock kiss to it. Of course, it should only be for royalty but Rarity felt it fit her well enough in Ponyville. All part of the business of fashion and style. "A pleasure to make your acquaintance good sir."

"I'm sure the pleasure is all mine madam Rarity." She was mildly surprised when her hoof felt John's connect to it. She'd opened her eyes at the contact and saw him bowing his head slightly before her. It certainly wasn't up to Canterlot's level of sophistication, but at least he tried. Not many in Ponyville would.

"Just miss will do. I'm currently freely drifting as an unattached mare these days." She smiled when she saw his nostrils flare as she retracted her hoof from his. It always felt nice to be desirable. Of course, the poor amnesiac pony would be drawn to any confident mare at this point and without some form of a familial escort she certainly wouldn't be the one to take advantage of him.

"Oh..." John looked dazed for a moment before rubbing at his slightly rosy muzzle. Rarity always enjoyed having that effect on stallions. Mares too more often than not, though for different reasons. "Miss it is then. Am I wrong to assume you are one of the local aristocrats or a nobleme-mare?"

She let out a titter at this. A nice refined bell like sound of course. "My my, first madam and now noblemare? If I didn't know you were culturally lost right now I'd call you quite the charmer. In fact, I still might."

John looked like he was about to say something but before he could a whirling sound came and went in the form of a flying disk followed by a high pitched "Sorry!" that sounded anything but sincere with how much glee it contained. A little orange filly ran between the group after the toy that came within a foot of hitting Rarity in the head. After they'd danced out of the way of the charging pony the group gathered themselves up again.

"My my, perhaps this isn't the best place for a conversation. Would you both like to join me for a spot of tea?" She waved a hoof back to her imported satin coverlet.

"Actually Rarity, that sounds nice but we need keep going." Happy Days declined her offer with a head shake. Rarity had been expecting as much if the doctor was with a patient but it was polite to make the offer regardless. She'd only wanted to greet the doctor and introduce herself to Twilight's latest experimen- test subj- individual needing magical help.

"Oh, what a pity. Perhaps another time then. Well, it was nice seeing you as always Happy, and meeting you as well John." She gave a nod to them both before turning with a swish of her tail. She always delighted in how much it bounced as she walked.

"Oh, wait please!" Her hoof paused before it would once more touch the grass of the park and she instead turned back to John. "You're a seamstress right?"

Rarity held back a snort of amusement. Such displays were not proper for first impressions. "I should like to hope so! Though I do far more than simply sew cloth together."

"I don't have any clothes and- how much would an outfit cost? I'm not sure how much money I'll have for-"

"No clothes at all?" Rarity was puzzled for a moment before realization dawned on her. Twilight had said he was amnesiac and wandered in with nothing. Of course he'd have no clothes, money, or possessions. This poor pony had nothing to his name! "Of course you wouldn't have anything to your name would you? Oh, John, darling! I'll not hear any more talk of money right now. Everypony should have some flare in their life and I won't charge a pony without a thing to their name for such a right." Rarity couldn't even imagine what it'd be like to be in his situation. How dreadful.

"Are you certain miss? It might take me some time but-"

"Tut tut! I said not another word. It would be a crime, a horror, a travesty to even suggest such a thing!" She kept up her mock glare until she saw that he was suitably accepting of her generosity. Afterwards, she dropped it with a smile and listed some of the outfits and their accompaniments she carried so he could think of what he wanted when he came to her shop. It was during this time her sense for fashion and design sized him up. Truly sized him up for the first time.

He was fit in that he didn't have any excess fat but he was also slight in structure, unlike the more chiseled look she came to expect from earth pony stallions. It reminded her of the unicorns in Canterlot that would diet and 'do cardio' to keep in shape while they managed their desk jobs. Aside form that, his colors were fairly dull and lifeless. A grey coat, lighter grey eyes, and a black mane and tail were extremely dull even if uncommon as a combination together. This seemed especially the case to herself since she was friends with Rainbow Dash. But... thinking on formal attire now she would dare to say he'd make a fine sight in a tuxedo at the least.

Having ended her list she waited for him to comment on anything that caught his ear. Hmm, his fetlocks would need to be shorn if she gave him any cuffs. "That all sounds very nice but... do you not have any pants? I didn't hear you say anything about shorts or pants."

Looking up from appraising his hooves for hoof-wear suggestions, she raised a brow in confusion. "Pants or shorts? I can't say I've ever heard of them. What are those?" Rarity glanced to Happy for support but only saw an uneasy frown on the other mares face as she regarded John. Curious. Very curious.

"Do you not have any clothes for men that cover the back legs and hips?"

"Oh, 'men' as well. So many different words, how exciting! What language is that dear?" She didn't wait for an answer of course, there were important matters of fashion ahoof here. Bringing a leg up to rub under her chin with the knee she mused aloud, "Hmm, coverings for a stallions back legs and hips... oh," Rarity did her best to withhold a cringe. Now, now Rarity, overalls, coveralls, and jumpsuits were important for worker ponies - earth ponies in particular - no matter how ghastly they tended to be on the eyes. "Dear, do you mean overalls perhaps?"

A head shake was her response. Perhaps there was hope for him yet, "I didn't actually but I'd be happy to settle for those too." Or perhaps not.

"Really darling? Not overalls? Well that won't do. Rarity does not simply 'settle' when it comes to a gift! Just come by the shop and we'll get it figured out without any fuss." She'd see if these pants or shorts were better than overalls if it took her all day. Preventing even one pony from the nightmare of wearing one of those outfits was worth every minute of effort in her opinion.

Happy took a step forward and broke their conversation once again, "That sounds like a great idea Rarity. I was just telling John how he will need to make sure he gets out and meets others. Perhaps you could point him in the right direction?"

Oh, that sounded like it was part of his treatment with Happy. "Well of course I can! He'll be a regular socialite before long. Won't that be nice dear?" Rarity looked to the stallion only to see a grimace that soon turned into a rather brittle looking smile.

"Yes, that would be very helpful." Though he gave the affirmative she doubted it sounded authentic to anypony present. Did she do something to offend him?

Oh, of course. She was a single well to do mare who was also quite beautiful -if she said so herself- and had just met him today. Then, within the first meeting she was asking the single stallion who had no familial support to not only visit her unattended but to socialize via her directions and introduction AFTER she dressed him in an outfit of her design. Rarity could see why he'd be so uneasy, how forward she must seem right now!

"Well, maybe not socialite. I think simply pointing you to the right ponies to meet on your own would be fine."

Ah, that did the trick. His smile was a little less forced now, "Ah, that would be most helpful. Thank you for your generosity miss Rarity."

"Of course darling, naturally!" Rarity giggled, partly due to her therapist's amused grin and partly due to John's obliviousness to why what he'd just said was funny.

"It's always nice to see you Rarity. I'm also glad to see you've been getting out of the shop after how last week went with... your former friends." Happy paused to add emphasis to her words without being obvious, to which Rarity was grateful. Though things ended amiably between herself and Fancy Pants' troupe, it still stung to think and hear about. "But we need to get him settled in and me back to my office before long."

"Of course dear. It was good to meet you John, and I hope you have a fabulous day Happy."

"You too Rarity, enjoy the weather and I'll see you in a few days." She nodded to the good doctor and waved a hoof at the pair as they continued their walk to what Rarity assumed would be one of the way houses in town. She wasn't trying to eavesdrop, but she managed to make out a small snippet of conversation amidst the sounds of the park, "See John, was that so hard? Only twelve more to go now."

"Wait, I'm starting that today?" Rarity wondered what that was about but didn't plan to ask about it directly. It was no doubt part of their sessions and Rarity knew better than to pry. Oh, there was Prim Posy flying just above the tree line. Looks like she did make it to their unscheduled but official tea time.

Pine Breeze was a strong willed and independent stallion. He kept his place clean, even before his sisters would turn up to clean it some. Just dusting though! Mostly - cause who really dusts aside from crazy ponies. He cooked for himself just fine, when his mom, mothers, and sisters didn't visit with food every afternoon. When he didn't have food they'd left over after lunch he had plenty of raw veggies he bought himself and those counted as cooking. He would cook more often but it wasn't his fault they always brought too much and there was always leftovers. And most importantly, he was living on his own. Even if it was a townhouse for displaced ponies. He was still on his own. Most of the time.

Well, actually he had been living on his own. He'd found a note on his door saying another stallion would be taking the second room here today. Pine was excited as he'd finally have another stallion to do stallion things with. Like, go to the gym, or wrestle in the mud, or play hoofball, or! Oh! Or they could even go to a bar! Maybe. Pine Breeze hoped that was the case.

Actually, they'd have to go some ways out of town to even find one. The young stallion realized then he didn't actually know where the nearest salt stop was.

Today was like every other day once he got back from his career as a talented - literally due to his three conifer tree cutie mark - grounds keeper and tree healer. He came home, took a shower, and went back downstairs to visit with his family that always seemed to be in the living room after he got out. Usually it was his two sisters or his mom with another mother. Today was only a little bit different in that his sisters had brought a friend along. They said they were just visiting before spending time with her so this was definitely not some kind of 'meeting'. Though she did seem very nice and she was good with plants too. His sisters were both confectionery makers so he wasn't sure why they were hanging out with one of his fellow plant enthusiasts like this.

Today was like every other day especially because he had to once again disagree with his family about something they really should just accept. "It's not awful. It's very prominent and establishes my strength at first glance."

"Pine Breeze... It looks like you put some kind of dead rat on your face." He ignored Candy Floss as she pointed one of her pink wings at his great accessory. He also ignored when she fluffed her bouncy cotton candy blue hair which unleashed the all too familiar fragrance of sugar and bubblegum into the air.

"Sorry Pine Breeze but I have to agree. That thing is just silly no matter how you look at it." He also ignored Chocolate Blueberry as well since the blue-coated and chocolate-maned pegasus was simply being stubborn to support her sister. He tried not to breath in too much or else he would get too relaxed. Even with Candy Floss sitting with him as well, he could never mistake Chocolate's smell of cocoa powder and milk. She was the eldest of his sisters and the one he curled up to when he was scared as a young colt so her scent always put him at ease. Even now, sadly. So he had to remain focused and on guard.

"Sorry Pine Breeze, but it is kinda... well, I mean, the mustache isn't too bad really. Sorta. Well.... maybe just a bit." Aw, not Tropical Spring too. The peach coated mare seemed so nice too. Even if she was a friend of his sisters. He gave her a glare that was most definitely not a pout. She just shrugged her withers with an apologetic smile.

Maybe he should take this off after all. Was it even helping him with being a strong independent pony away from his mothers and sisters? He stopped his bluish grey hoof before it could reach his face, his willpower kicking in. No! He wouldn't surrender to their social pressures. That's what this surely was. These mares with their coaxing words and so called well-wishes trying to tame and weaken the resolve of stallions everywhere. He was keeping this mustache on, forever!

Even if it hasn't been washed in a couple weeks and it really was itchy and hot under his nose now.

"Well that's too bad, cause it's staying." He took pride in their groans. They should have known they couldn't deter him so easily. He ignored Candy Floss and her mutterings of 'stubbornness' as was his usual tactic. This wasn't stubbornness, this was fighting for his rights and privileges just like he'd read in the Lone Saddle. So he was completely ignoring her and not second guessing his decision at all.

"Suit yourself Pine Breeze." She seemed to pause for a second, obviously settling into the idea of Pine's right to self determination. "I guess you'll change you mind when you catch lip-phoma."

Huh? "Lip-phoma?" He glanced at Candy for help but she was staring at her sister in confusion as well.

Wait, now she was nodding. Did she know? "Oh yaaa, lip-phoma! I'd forgotten about that."

"What? What is it?" His nose really did itch right now. He didn't need to wear it while lounging in his house right? Well, the townhouse he'd been provided anyway.

"Oh, nasty thing it is." His Head snapped to Chocolate.

"Ya real nasty business that is." Back to Candy.

"Oh yes, just dreadful!" Back to Chocolate. Why didn't he sit them together or him sit somewhere else. They had the gap there and he'd just sat in the middle when Chocolate patted the red seat cushion. With his two sisters at either side of him on the three seat couch - with Tropical across from them - he was quickly getting a neck cramp.

"What, what is it? What's lip-phoma!?" Why weren't they telling him? What if he had it? How do you get it exactly? Why was Tropical Spring giggling?!

"Oh, you know, that lip fungus that grows under a mustache that's worn too much." Chocolate finally gave Pine some details, waving her hoof like it was of little consequence. How much was 'too much'? He'd had this one on for at least a week! It was a protest to mare expectations and a symbol of his new found freedoms. Why would he take that off? How come he'd never heard of this before now?

Wait a second... a lip fungus? That was ridiculous. Right? "Since when? I've never heard of that. Are you pulling my backleg?" His nose was feeling pretty hot and sweaty though actually.

"Really? You didn't look into the what happens when a pony wears fake hair on their face for too long?" His neck popped back to Candy seeing her with a shocked expression.

"Of course not- I mean, of course I did! I just... didn't hear anything about that at all." Pine looked down to his hooves, idly spinning the cup of rose water on the glass coffee table before him. It was rather tasty and he was glad they'd brought some to share with him. He usually just drank from the tap.

"Well you should have looked harder then, little brother. Pony bodies weren't made to have facial hair so of course there'd be ramifications." That sounded pretty reasonable, and Chocolate was always the smartest of his sister after all.

He abandoned his cup to wring his hooves together without interference. "What, what are the symptoms? What does it do?"

"Well, first your nose itches," Hearing Chocolate's voice Pine stopped reaching up to scratch at the uncomfortable facial hair, lowering his hoof with a gulp.

"And it gets really sweaty." He did his best to pretend he imagined the drop of sweat that just fell from his muzzle.

"And then, after a week or so of these signs it... actually, I don't think describing it is a good idea, we did just finishing eating after all." The only thing Pine wanted to do with the lunch they brought was up chuck it at this point. He felt even more like that while looking at the removed mustache in his hooves.

Hearing what sounded like a muffled giggle, Pine looked up to Tropical Spring who had been quiet this whole time. Pine was confused by her amused look, but maybe he read it and heard that giggle wrong since she looked very solemn quickly when he locked eyes with her. "You shouldn't worry so much about it Pine. I think you'll be okay if you go to a doctor soon have have it looked at."

"Oh... that makes sense. Ya I could go- wait..." This seemed familiar... weren't they talking about a doctor earlier? Right, it'd been right after they asked if Roseluck had come by and shared a rose and some conversation with him again. She hadn't sadly. She'd been really fun and interesting to talk to also, so he was really sad that he hadn't seen her after Midday last week. Actually, Tropical Spring kinda reminded him of Roseluck and he was just meeting her now... no, don't get distracted Pine!

They'd brought up seeing the doctor for a check-up earlier and Pine had already made his decision. He had to stay firm on it or else he'd be swept up in Chocolate Blueberry's rhythm. Again. Like always. But not this time! "I said earlier I was fine and didn't need to go see a doctor!"

"That was for a check up though, and before we knew you could have a facial fungus." Why was Tropical Spring helping them? She was a fellow plant enthusiast earth pony amongst candy making pegasi. She'd seemed so sweet before too. Why she was smiling behind a hoof as he showed her his hurt and betrayed eyes he could only guess at.

"Ya, a bunch of spores slowly growing, multiplying, and spreading all across your face day after day, eating away at it." There was Candy again, always so cruel. He could be really sick and she was just making it worse for him talking about a mold eating his face off!

Barely above a whisper he mumbled out,"Really? Lip-phoma does all that?" He gulped heavily while staring at the mustache in his hoof that had laid claim to his face for almost two solid weeks. One of which he'd kept it on even while washing up. "Uh, well, I mean... I guess it would be a good idea to see the doctor about an emergency fungal exam. I'll try and set up an appointment for next week-"

"Don't worry about that, you just eat right and get some rest in case you did catch it. We'll stop by the hospital and make sure they see our favorite stallion tomorrow at three p.m." Oh, so now Candy was concerned. Where was that kindness when she was explaining how spores would be spreading across his face?

"Yep, so don't be late. We'll take care of it. Actually, I think our mom was going to see Doctor Stable too, she can come by and you can both go together. Otherwise, it'll be a little silly to show up separately at the same time." Huh, that was oddly specific. Pine wasn't very concerned or surprised about that though. They always seemed to be able to set stuff up for him the day before he wanted to do it. They were really persuasive or something. It took everything he could do to keep from succumbing to their meddling after all. He was sure other ponies couldn't resist it nearly as well.

Hearing the unmistakable giggling of a mare Pine looked up at the mare who had a cutie mark bearing two flowers - one red, the other blue. It was much better than his stupid sisters laughy taffy looping mark or the three melted chocolate blueberry mark. "Huh, is something funny Tropical? You've giggled a lot now I think."

"Oh! Uhm... no it's just... um, I was giggling since you- er-" She glanced on either side of himself, perhaps looking for something to use as a metaphor. He'd had that trouble before. "It's just that... you're far more handsome without that mustache than they told me! I was just surprised they had been so modest about it is all."

Pine's face lit up. Of course he was handsome, was there ever any doubt? Wait, didn't that mean the mustache made him ugly? Why did he wear this thing again? Wasn't it supposed to be good? He wasn't so sure now if it was like a dead rat, possibly gave him a fungal infection and made him look ugly.

Returning from his inner musings, Pine drew up his chest and sucked in his barrel, "Thanks Tropical! I like to keep myself well groomed and my work keeps me in shape too." It was easy enough to foster the grin on his face after being so high strung for the last couple minutes. Tropical really was pretty and she liked plants too... wait, was she in a herd or anything right now? This definitely definitely wasn't a meeting or something right? They'd promised it wasn't. His mom and mothers weren't here so that was a good sign at least.

Before he could ask for some clarification as to why his sisters suddenly decided to bring their friend - who was an earth pony plant enthusiast that reminded him of Roseluck (who they didn't particularly like) - over to meet him, but not meet him, he heard a knock at the front door. Oh right, he'd forgotten his new room mate was coming today.

Author's Note

Edited by an awesome friend Minalkra

It was a train wreck before he edited it. It was embarrassing how badly I had self edited it

Sorry dude

Sorry for the delay folks. I was sitting on 2.5k words for a couple months but couldn't bring myself to write. Drama in my academic career. Managed to get it all sorted out last week so that got me feeling better.

Next up John meets his roomate and then the conversation about gender expectations between the doctor and "John." Also, in case you were curious, the day cycle for Equestria is: Firstday, Twosday, Midday, Nearday, Lastday, Moonday, and Sunday. I figured it would add a little more flavor to the story if I didn't just use English standard day names.

P.S. I know Rarity's mother was wearing pants when we saw her. Minalkra pointed that out quickly enough. Rarity just tries to blank out her parents "fashion" sense as best she can. Once John draws a picture for her later, well, we'll see how the scene with her recognizing the clothing goes from there.

Author Note edit:
P.P.S: I realize Pine is clueless. I tried really hard to write him like that (it wasn't easy). But no, very few stallions are like that, it's just Pine's personality and how he ended up getting raised. Just like you wouldn't expect every mare to have the same personality etc. etc.

To Question Ones Brain

"I think I might be crazy."

This gave the mare pause. Happy Days sat momentarily frozen, a small smile stuck on her muzzle and her light blue forelegs steepled in front of her. Whatever she had expected of this meeting, this was not it. Regaining herself, she blinked and shifted her position slightly, blowing a red bang from her eyes to get a better look at her possible future patient. "That's unfortunate to hear... John?"

The dull-grey stallion nodded his assertion to the name. Taking a moment to gather her thoughts, Happy glanced again at the woefully incomplete entrance exam file of the earth pony sitting across from her. The pleasantly familiar jingle of her teal magic hummed out as she opened her left drawer to withdraw a patient exam notebook along with several meticulously sharpened pencils. One of the benefits of being a unicorn therapist was being able to focus body language and eye contact on the patient while still taking detailed notes.

"Your file indicates that you're not at all familiar with Ponyville or Equestria, what land are you visiting us from?" Sometimes, stallions visiting from other countries would feel overwhelmed by culture shock at seeing the gender normative expectations of pony society compared to the one they grew up with. Happy hadn't seen any such cases herself, but the cities with more tourism reported several cases of gender confused stallions cropping up. With his uncombed short cropped black mane, self assured stance, and firm gaze, he could fit the bill.

The fact that Twilight Sparkle was named in the slot where a stallion's escort is declared only solidified this possibility. Perhaps a foreigner visiting Celestia's pupil? Possibly not. The stallion kept glancing at her note taking, clearly uncomfortable with her continual use of magic. Surely a visitor to the Element of Magic wouldn't be so uneasy around magic like this? Ceasing her spelled note taking, Happy set the paper before her to write in a more conventional method on the polished Apple-wood desk. They made apple furniture from destroyed orchard trees once in awhile and it had been a gift from the Apple's after years of helping them move past that incident with their parents. The poor red stallion still hasn't recovered, though Applejack was certainly doing better.

"I'm afraid part of the problem is that I don't know from whence I came." His mouth was in an uneven line and his gaze wavered. Hmm, was that a lie? But his ears hadn't moved. Happy held onto that thought for a moment, realizing that his ears hadn't moved at all since he'd entered. They were left instead at fully erected alertness. Nor had his nostrils flared to take in the scent of the new surroundings and occupant. Most stallions unconsciously used their enhanced muzzle to smell their surroundings as a defense measure as they picked up on many things based on scent.

"Is it a matter of amnesia or long term memory loss?" These were serious medical concerns, but hardly ones needing therapy. Placing the pencil she'd taken up down, Happy began floating her notebook of medical practitioners and their specialties over from her letter desk.

"I wouldn't say I was possibly insane if that were the case." She nodded along with his statement, having received her book of contacts and opened it up, looking for brain and mind doctors with practice focuses that could be important for him.

"Ah, I see. Well, that's a good place to start then. What makes you think you're mentally unstable?" Happy Days continued leafing through the different contact information. 'Bounce Back - Cognitive Recognition, Frontal Cortex, Brain Stem Damage', 'Dreary Dream - Normative Sleep Pattern Analysis, Insomnia' -

"My only memories are those of being a different species in a different universe."

'Frankly Fine - Concussion Exams, Brain Contusions', 'Frankly Fine - Concussion Exams, Brain Contusions', 'Frankly Fine - Concussion Exams, Brain Contusions', 'Frankly Fine - Concussion Exams, Brain Contusions', 'Frankly Fine - Concussion Exams, Brain Contusions' - Happy Days blinked after realizing she'd been reading the same name for some time. Slowly setting the list of contact information down, she looked once more to the stallion across form her. His unsteady grimace was a good match for her blank stare.

"So you believe you're an alien from a different world?" She'd taken her patient exam notes back up in the teal glow of her magic to better observe the patient while still marking the relevant information she discerned. He seemed more uncomfortable with the conversation than her magic at this point.

When she had transferred herself to this practice after completing the required courses in Canterlot, she had known Ponyville had a small reputation for oddballs and other strange folks with it's well documented proximity to the Everfree Forest, but this conversation was still out the clear blue for her. Like a cloudless sky delivering an unexpected torrent of water, she had a monotone colored stallion sitting on a red cloud cushion in her soft beige wallpapered office saying he thinks he's an alien from beyond their world.

The poor mentally afflicted stallion - his mothers and sisters must be awash with grief - shook his head before casting weary grey eyes to her own pink pools, "Absolutely not. That would be absurd."

Happy blinked owlishly before her eyes set into a stern gaze. Was this stallion wasting her time with jokes? "What? Didn't you just sa-"

"Hold Ms. Days." Her angry questioning ground to a halt. He'd called her Ms. Days. How forward of him! And, and he'd interrupted her. She wasn't used to stallions doing that. Actually, not many interrupted her at all after she got her medical license.

"My apologies Ms. Days," - her heart fluttered as he did it again. Even if he was a confused patient, hearing her second name from a fit stallion like this was a little much for the mares heart -, "I don't mean to be vague or circumspect. It's just that, this isn't an easy conversation for me and... allow me a moment to fully explain my situation, please?"

Calming herself down, Happy gave a nod, "Please, continue at your own pace. And, ah, it's Ms. Happy if you don't mind?" Hopefully he wouldn't be upset at her denial of his familiarity, but it simply wasn't appropriate. She could get accused of trying to take advantage of a mentally unwell patient by leading him on!

"Ms. Twilight requested that as well. Is it normal practice to use the first name with honorifics?" The stallion looked unsure, giving a clear physical message for the first time as he raised a hoof to his chin in contemplation. His ears had still yet to move though, perhaps it was a condition? She also noted that he was very polite, suggesting a controlled or sheltered upbringing that honed his manners.

"Yes, typically Equestrians that have just met will use the first name of a pony on it's own." So he just didn't know. Happy wasn't sure if she should be pleased about that or not. Obviously he lacked knowledge of Equestrian culture all the same though, or had forgotten it whenever whatever this is happened. Hmm, was John Smith really his name then? It was an unusual and awkward pony name to be sure, though not entirely absurd. Happy Days didn't think anyone would want to smith a pair of long johns. Chain mail long johns sounded like they'd chafe. Maybe john was the name for a foreign metal tool or object?

"I see. My apologies for any slight my ignorance gave you then." He bowed his head as a show of submission after his forward actions before, this was a good sign. Perhaps some of his internal knowledge of social expectations still remained?

Finally raising his head, the stallion cleared his throat before entering his lengthy explanation. "To start, as I said, my only memories are those of being a different species in a different universe. But, I am obviously a pony, not a human. I'm obviously on Equs, in Equestria and Ponyville, not on Earth in the United States. I questioned the librarian here, after getting referenced there for any information I needed, about the possibility of trans-dimensional travelers and she explained it was an absurd notion, as I myself had thought. Persisting further, I questioned about mind magic and memory tampering and she explained it was difficult to neigh impossible to utterly rewrite a ponies mind."

Pausing for a moment, the stallion worried his thin lower lip - which was only a slightly darker grey than his own grey pelt coloration - with uncertainty before continuing, "This leaves me with only one reasonable possibility; I'm most likely a pony who has lost his mind to a fabricated fantasy of internal origins. Where every memory I hold must be false despite their clarity. It's why I asked if there were psychiatrists, to submit myself, and my mental illness, for purview. To start finding the source of my ailment as well as in case I could be a harm to those around me. This could be, after all, but a fleeting moment of clarity to an otherwise madness addled mind."

The pencil scribbled furiously through his explanation, quoting it down word for word for future reference even as she mulled over the words she'd been presented with. This case was too unusual, she would need to proceed with caution lest she make matters worse. She didn't have any experience to draw from either.

First and foremost, she should confirm the severity of his mental condition. After that, depending, she could see about his physical well being while formulating a proper methodology to approach this unusual case from. "May I ask a few quick questions of you John?"

"Please, of course." The stallion gave a brief nod to her, obviously differing the conversation to herself.

"Do you ever see things others either don't see or pretend not to see?" Do you hallucinate but don't realize you're hallucinating essentially. She had to ask the question in a way that allowed the patient to assume they're - of course - correct about what they witness.

"I can't say I've had that happen, though I only woke up like this earlier today. I thought levitation and magic was a hallucination at first, as I had never witnessed anything like it before, but Twilight Sparkle was quick to clear up this confusion," He paused to gesture a hoof at her floating and quickly filling patient exam notes, "The same goes for when several pegasi were moving clouds, which I still don't understand the mechanics of despite Ms. Spark- Twilight's lengthy explanation." Doesn't/Didn't know about Magic was added to the list. Perhaps he was kept in a community that had no unicorns or pegasi? A trbalist earth pony sect? She'd heard there were still some of them around, living nomadicaly - in the ancient traditions - in the sprawling meadows east of Canterlot.

"I see, that's good. Now then, have you ever heard sounds or voices that others couldn't hear or pretended not to hear?" Do you have audio hallucinations?

"I'm not hearing voices or sounds without explanation, no. Though, again, I did only wake up this morning with this problem." Close, but not quite definitive enough of an answer for her.

Happy nibbled on her lower lip for a moment, trying to consider the best way to proceed with the thought. Finally, deciding on a good approach she tried again, "So you haven't heard any voices, or anypony, taunting you with insults, aiming to make you paranoid, depressed, or incising you to anger?"

"No ma'am, nothing like that so far." He shook his head again and Happy Days let out a breath. Maybe this wouldn't be so bad?

The last one was the big question though. He seemed to be very collected so far - having an air of calm rationality and intelligence she rarely saw in stallions - so she was hoping for the best."Alright, that's great! Here's the last one, and please be as honest as possible. Describe the most violent urge you've had today and the reason you felt it."

"The most violent urge? Well... I guess it was at the library." Seeing him hesitate, Happy gestured for him to continue. Twilight Sparkle could be grating at times, so this wasn't too surprising. Did her haughty academic attitude vex him? Or was it her stuck up Canterlot attitude? Several ponies had remarked to Happy Days about being upset at being talked down to by the mare.

"Well, yes, it was at the library when I asked about Equestria as a nation. Specifically the part where she explained it's executive branch, it's rulers the princesses. Apparently they raise and lower the sun?" Seeing him looking for confirmation, she gave him a nod. 'Didn't know about Celestia and Luna's solar cycling, grew up fully isolated?' was added to the observations.

"Well, after hearing that, I had to resist the strong urge, the incredibly strong urge actually, to bang my head upon her table, and wall, and door, and... and any hard surface really." He was rubbing a hoof across his broad muzzle at the end of his explanation, eyes closed in apparent pain. 'Seeks to harm himself for his errors/short-comings, perhaps abused for mistakes by his mothers?' yet more included in the dwindling blank space of her note sheet.

"Thank you for answering my questions, that was very helpful. I hope you won't harm yourself like that though as it's never productive nor healthy." Taking a moment to shuffle his entrance exam information sheet on top of her collection of notes, she let the pencil settle upon the desk as well, having collected the most pertinent data she'd need.

Steepling her light blue hooves in front of her, Happy prepared to deliver her verdict. "Now then, John Smith, I have some good news that I can share with you now that will brighten up your day at least. Though first, I should say this is a very unique situation you're in and to best aid you in recovering from this mental ailment I will need some time to look into your circumstances and decide on the best method to proceed with."

He nodded with a small smile of his own in response to her most empathetic smile. The poor pony looked so unsure, even with his alert ears. She'd need to have the medical examiner perform a response test for them. "Thank you Ms. Da- Happy. Know that all your efforts are appreciated. I may not be showing it much, but I am rather upset by this whole affair. Knowing that every memory you hold - of precious moments and loved ones - is most likely utterly false is... world shattering to say the least."

The grey stallion was visibly shaking now as he rubbed a fore hoof along his left leg with moistening eyes. She had expected this to happen eventually and it was also a sight she sought to change with her career. Her cutie mark of a brightly lit sun amidst clouds meant she tried to bring light back into ponies lives by clearing the clouds that try to dim their days. Metaphorically speaking of course. Getting to her hooves and off of her own cloud cushion, the mare moved from around her desk to gently embrace the stallion around his withers and fore legs.

Stallions tended to withhold their pain and hurt longer than mares - not feeling strong enough to display their emotions and vulnerabilities so freely with others - but that didn't mean they didn't feel anything at all. It just took effort and a good mare to find the subtle undercurrents of a stallions heart. Rubbing her hoof along his crest, withers, and back, she whispered to him how it would be alright and that they'd figure it all out. This would build their repertoire and establish herself as a mare he could trust and follow.

Being this close, she could now tell that he smelled fairly clean, though there was the definite scent of forest and grass clinging to him. Was he lost in the wilderness before he wandered into town? A victim of Everfree's magic toying with his mind perhaps? She had seen poison joke victim's, but this didn't seem to fit the bill. Something worth noting, certainly. Twilight was here as his escort, it would be one of her questions for the mare while Happy checked John into a medical examination visit.

After a moment, she heard him cough and so let him go. The unicorn had expected him to cry more than he had after being embraced, or perhaps silently sob and heave several times, but it looked like he was more embarrassed than anything given the blush. "Thank you, miss. I think I'm fine now."

Taking the reaction in stride she shot him a beaming smile and squeezed his wither with a fore hoof, "Of course John. Know that I'll be here to help you in any way I can. This will be a troubling part of your life, so keep in mind that you're not going through it alone, okay?"

"Right, yes, well.. umm.. yes. *gulp* You mentioned some good news?" He appeared to be fairly flustered from the continued contact. Either she was prettier than she thought or he wasn't used to being comforted. Was he neglected during his upbringing or so sheltered he'd never been touched by a mare outside of his family? Another thing to note.

Removing her hoof, she turned and began walking to the window. Once there she peaked at the weather schedule to confirm it would be a light drizzle in the evening. Outside the clinic there were several light clouds still being positioned by the local weather ponies, the sun slowly sinking towards the horizon as the evening began encroaching. "Yes, I can definitely state that you are most assuredly not crazy, nor insane."

"I'm not? I'll admit to only having a passing familiarity with the concept of psychiatrics, but surely I am! Given the odd disconnect of my memories and reality, what other explanation is there?" Glancing back, she could see he was looking at her with disbelief, but that was okay. Disbelief towards good news is always a good thing as it meant things were better than the listener had anticipated.

"Psychiatry, not psychiatrics." Grabbing her dark blue and red checkered rain coat complete with a hood, it complimented her red mane nicely she knew, Happy slipped it on before turning to the stallion and gesturing that the charcoal motif pony should follow as she proceeded to the door to the reception area. "And nope! Being crazy involves wild and possibly violent behavior while you're an appropriately mild mannered and calm stallion."

She beamed him a quick smile in response to his unsure one after her compliment on his social attitude before continuing, "On the other hoof, being insane means having a state of mind that prevents normal interactions and behavior. It's true that you're bewildered by Equestria, and are missing a lot of knowledge, but that could be attributed to ignorance rather than any obstacle preventing you from engaging with reality along with everypony else."

Opening the door for the stallion with her magic, she waited for him to exit the room before closing and locking it behind her. The oak door held a gold engraved plaque that read 'Happy Days - PonyVille MD.' Turning away from her door, she took in the small room with several other doors placarded as hers was along with a few potted bushes of the non-edible kind - not that some ponies didn't try eating them anyway - situated along the walls between. There were several benches and cushions in the waiting area, along with a table covered with reading material deemed of suitably safe content. One such magazine, 'Rocks, Gems and Geology Today' was floating back to the table in a purple aura as the stallions current escort begin trotting to them.

It was while waiting for the prized student of Celestia to reach them that Happy Days realized she'd only seen grey pelt on John's thigh as he'd walked past. A quick. and polite, glance confirmed it: he had no cutie mark!