Dimitri

by The12GageKid_Bron3

Rating: teen
Tags: Dark, Comedy, Alternate Universe, Human
Length: 2244

Dimitri was in a rut, then a button happened.

Dimitri was in a rut, then a button happened.

Dimitri is your average guy. Well, if you count dads, extreme intelligence, and fixing what most would pitch.

Rest of story is at http://www.fimfiction.net/user/RainbowDashFan9001 's "Tactics"

Published 1970-01-01 00:00:00 UTC
Last updated 2014-01-27 11:42:54 UTC

Interviews

Dimitri

Hello everyone. I would like to tell you a story. A story that transcends reality. A story of valor, glory, death, and insanity.

This is Dimitri's story.

EQU, USA , 1200 hours

Dimitri was a dark-haired, tall-ish, twenty-nine year old with brown eyes.

Who was in an interview for a job. This was no ordinary job, he would have his dream job: a professor.

Sounds dry, I know, but Dimitri had wanted to teach since he was in high school.

What? A man can dream as small as he wants!

Dimitri straightened his tie.

"So, uhh, Dimitri, is it? What makes you think sets you apart from the current faculty?" The interviewer asked him, scowling.

"I think that I will add an element of energy. There's just so much out there, so much to see, to do!" Dimitri exclaimed, and spun in his chair to emphasize his point.

"I see." The woman retorted.

"Most, if not all of you, seem to hate your jobs. I want the students to feel wanted and to be engaged." Dimitri added.

He was absolutely right, the faculty hated their jobs, dean to lunchlady. No one knew why, the students were always polite, easily taught, and quiet. They were awesome.

And the teachers still hated them.

"We'll call you if you get the job." The woman replied disdainfully.

Dimitri walked to his car, a red Oldsmobile from the nineties. Broken door handle, busted chair, rust, and general annoyingness. Still ran though. It was once owned by his stepdad, but was passed down to him.

It just won't die.

He jumped into the window, and started the engine, which roared to life. He then began the drive home.

Washington C.H., 1330 hours

John sighed as he walked into his home of fifteen years. He took a deep breath ad wlked up the creaking stairs.

Upon opening the door to his room, he noticed something.

Something was wrong.

Natascha's LEDs were on.

For those of you who don't know, Natascha is Dimitri's computer, and the LEDs burnt out years ago. She's gone through countless upgades, but the LEDs were never replaced.

She had to have some original parts.

"What?" Dimitri asked himself, giving Natascha a lookover. Same case, same parts. Even the LEDs were original.

"Odd." Dimitri stated, confused. He shrugged, and turned on his monitor, an old Asus.

Unknown, Unknown Hours

"But we need him." A darkened figure spoke, looking into what appeared to be a crystal ball.

"No. I will not have one of them here." Another growled in a voice akin to a shallow grave.

EQU, USA, 500 hours

“Can’t believe I got the job.” Dimitri muttered excitedly as he drove to the university.

Dimitri parked in his new space and walked in. He considered locking the car, but nobody would want to steal it.

He shrugged.

Dimitri walked inside, and got directions to his room. He sauntered over to his desk and sat down, sighing.

Unknown, Unknown, You’ve got to be kidding me.

“But sir, need I remind you of the sorry state of affairs we are in?” A figure spoke in a harsh whisper.

The other shadow sighed, “This is our last chance. But his failure will rest on your shoulders.” It spoke.

“Yessir.”

EQU, USA, 1800 hours

Dimitri decided to stay the night and get to know the school. It was what he did.

He wandered into the cafeteria for some vending-machine dinner.

Dimitri browsed the selection. He saw Twinkies, White Castle sliders, a shiny red button, some chips… Wait, a shiny red button!?

Dimitri was instinctively drawn to it.

A3, $1, thud.

He grabbed the button, and held it for a while.

And then he ran to his classroom, stuffing it into a drawer in his desk.

Unknown, Unknown, etc.

“Approval just came in, it’s a go.” The gruff-sounding figure affirmed.

“I’ll make ready the preparations.” The second figure stated, and ran out of the room.

“I hope this isn’t like the last time.” The shadow sighed.

EQU, 1900 hours.

Dimitri had been sitting at his desk, after getting something to eat, for the past hour.

He was contemplating the meaning, purpose, and pushability of the mysterious red hemisphere.

He gave up, and opened the drawer.

“There’s only one way to find out.” He smirked as he pressed the button.

Dimitri felt a tugging in his gut, and spinning, lots of spinning.. He passed out.

Washington CH, USA, 1900 hours.

Natascha was a computer, doing computer things, when she was yanked into another dimension.

How did she know this?

She’s a computer; she doesn’t have to follow your logic!

Unknown, etc., etc.

Dimitri could hear voices and feel something poking him in the side.

Is he alive?

Dimitri

"Is he alive?" A voice asked to his left.

"He'd better be." Declared a voice, this time time to his right.

Dimitri performed a self-diagnostic prior to boot-up.

What? He thinks in computer.

Dimitri apparently had a coat on, along with a hat, as his face was cold, but nothing else. He felt that he had cargo pants on, as the pockets provided extra warmth. Dimitri also felt something inside his chest, whirring. Odd. He didn't whirr.

He opened his eyes, and was met with a sight he was not expecting.

Small equines, it seemed by the silhouettes provided by the dim candlelight.

Dimitri rose up, startling them. His head promptly made friends with the tunnel's ceiling, at high speeds. He fell, and held his aching head, allowing one of the voices to speak.

"Dimitri Romankov?" It asked. Dimitri noticed that it sounded feminine.

"Yes." Dimitri answered, after the aching subsided into a dull throb.

"Weapons expert?"

"I teach history."

"Close enough." The other, more masculine, voice stated.

"Where am I?" Dimitri asked.

"Equestria." Both voices confirmed.

"Where is that exactly?" Dimitri questioned.

"Earth, 1940, or 4940, relative to you." The male answered.

"What!?" John exclaimed.

"Yes, we're on earth.We discovered books containing the tales of the wars you won." The female replied, holding up a history textbook.

"Give me that." John stated, snatching the book away. He flipped through the pages.

'Dimitri Romankov' was plastered all over the World Wars.

"I'm a teacher, not a soldier. That's not me." Dimitri spoke, looking at the shadows.

"It doesn't matter what you were before. You're a soldier now." The male declared.

"Come with us." The female said.

"I don't even know your names." Dimitri protested.

"Oh, sorry." The female's horn glowed, illuminating her and the male's faces.

She had a beige coat, and emerald green eyes. He had a jet black coat and red-brown eyes, like dark Georgia clay.

"I'm Fountain Pen, but most ponies just call me Pen. That's Reich." Pen stated.

"Reich?" Dimitri asked, confused.

"Ja." Reich replied sharply.

"I see." Dimitri thought for a moment. "Civil war?"

"Yes." Reich responded.

"Well, take me to your leader." Dimitri did the vulcan salute.

"Okay." Pen said, and led Dimitri through tunnel after tunnel.

Dimitri couldn't get back if he tried.

Soon they arrived in what seemed to be a large concrete building. They were greeted by a familiar face.

"Greetings." A dark alicorn spoke elatedly.

John felt something inside him tick, and his vision was obscured by web pages popping up.

They were identifying the alicorn in front of him.

Luna.

The web pages disappeared, and a readout was displayed above Luna's head.

Luna, Alicorn, Princess: Moon.

New Lunar Republic

Age:N/A

"Hello Luna. Overthrowing Celestia I see." Dimitri spoke, calmly.

"How- How did thou knowest?" Luna replied.

"I am the NSA." Dimitri deadpanned.

The ruler looked confused.

"National Security Agency, supposedly protects us from terrorists." Dimitri tried.

"What?" Luna asked.

"Forget it, 'twas a joke anyway." Dimitri sighed.

"Anyway... There is a very urgent matter awaiting you." Pen stated, gesturing to a war room.

"Oh, yes, Dimitri, we need you." Luna said.

"I'm a teacher, not a soldier." Dimitri restated.

"Is there anything you can do?" Luna asked.

"Well, I can draw up some weapon schematics, defend the base, and I'm a fairly good shot." Dimitri listed. "Need any of those?"

"I thought you said you were a teacher." Luna stated.

"I help people. Sometimes teach students, sometimes eliminate dangerous people. Either way helps." Dimitri responded.

Preparations

Dimitri

"We need a miracle." Reich, who had been silent until now, stated.

"I can have that arranged." Dimitri replied as he walked into the war room.

"Here's the situation, we have most of southern Equestria, and are pushing on Canterlot. We are being pushed out of Ponyville slowly, but surely." Luna declared, pointing to a map table.

"Hold the line in Canterlot, cut off supply chains. Use resources for war machine. Can it hold?" Dimitri rattled off.

"Yes, but how does that help?" Luna responded.

"Send more supplies to soldiers in Ponyville. Who is the adversary?" Dimitri explained.

"She's only known as 'Eclipse'" Pen chimed in.

"Pony. Likely. Would have to have large pull over Ponyville population. Mane 6? Yes, only option. Fluttershy? Too shy, would crumble. Rainbow Dash? Element of loyalty, but strategy too systematic. Systematic. Twilight Sparkle. Yes, need specifics though." Dimitri thought out loud.

The room's occupants looked confused.

"Princess?" Dimitri asked.

"Yes?" Luna responded.

"No, is Twilight a princess?" Dimitri replied.

"No, why would she be?" Luna asked.

"Good, Twilicorn would make recapture... problematic." Dimitri thought to himself as he faced the map behind him.

"Oh." Luna said, giving a this guy's crazy look to Pen and Reich.

"I saw that. Confusion understandable. I need to be deployed to Ponyville." John stated.

"Why?" Luna questioned.

"Like you said: Need miracle." Dimitri stated, nodding his head.

"It'll take at least five days by cart to get there." Pen stated.

"That's fine, need to plan anyway. Do you have a video or detailed analysis of the battle?" Dimitri asked.

"Yes, but I don't see how this will help." Luna asked.

"I will analyze the enemy's strategy. Counter strengths, exploit weaknesses." Dimitri elaborated.

"Hmm. I'll arrange the ride." Luna said, walking into a hallway.

"Thank you. Where is my lab?" Dimitri asked, loading up some weapon schematics.

Luna turned around. "This hallway, left, right, left, left, right, door at the end of the hall.

Dimitri thanked her, and ran off, following the directions given to him.

Dimitri arrived at the lab, and found it to be more suited to creating swords, bows, and potions.

"Can be used." Dimitri assured himself.

He set to work on the first innovation. A battery.

He needed more POWAAAA!

*Ahem* Sorry.

An hour later, he held the black box in his hands.

Then he made some wires, a casing of some kind, more wire, and a MP40.

Very similar, those.

One day-ish later.

1800 Hours.

Dimitri sat at his makeshift table, eating dinner. Otherwise known as a fried potato sandwich.

What? Potatoes are a substitute for meat.

Upon finishing, he sat back and looked at what he had created.

A full set of military equipment, circa 1940. The clothing had some tungsten-carbide plates built in, the MP40 fired tracer rounds, and the helmet was German design.

He also made a Tesla gun, because fairness is overrated.

And there he sat. Until he heard a knock at the door.

He opened it to find a black-clad pony outside, trying to run in.

It's face met Dimitri's knee at high speed. And it sat on it's haunches, spinning slightly.

Dimitri chuckled, and picked the pony by one leg and examined it.

Female head structure. Bulges at side, indicating wings. Or cancer. A tuft of prismatic mane was sticking out of the linen-like bindings.

Dimitri decided to let it rest on his bed, which he made to be as cold as possible. He even had the subarctic outside air pumping into the frame.

The pony instantly woke up, linens whitening with cold.

"Good, you woke up." Dimitri said, and picked the pony up off the bed.

"Wh-why is th-that b-bed s-so c-cold?" It asked, shivering.

"Really, I thought it was rather warm." Dimitri bluffed. "What would you like?"

The pony stopped shivering and jabbed a knife into Dimitri's gut. "Knife." The pegasus spoke as it tried to run.

Dimitri doubled over from the pain blooming in his abdomen, but held fast to the pony's leg. He crawled over to his MP40.

"You're... not going... to kill me." Dimitri managed between pained gasps.

He reached the loadout, and grabbed at the gun. He than shot the pony in all four legs.

It collapsed, sobbing. Dimitri then focused on his injuries.

The pain was gone. He saw the knife being assimilated into his structure. He was healing too rapidly for a human.

Natascha.

During the dimensional jump, which she is now expecting was a time jump, she had integrated herself into Dimitri. She was protected from magic, and Dimitri was basically a super soldier.

Dimitri sat up, and stared at the sobbing mess in front of him.

He pulled a medkit and a Daring Doo book out of his coat.

Dimitri patched up the pegasus, who was too distracted to notice him.

Until the peroxide. She screamed and Dimitri hurried up. He wrapped each leg tightly.

Dimitri then carried her over to his chair, and gave her the book. She looked at the cover, and her eyes lit up.

Evidence is conclusive: we have Rainbow Dash, Assassin mode.

How adorable.