From the Sand to the Skiesby Mr_HollowChaptersChapter 1: Wrong place, Wrong time.Chapter 2: Hit the Ground RunningChapter 3: Back in the SaddleChapter 1: Wrong place, Wrong time.From the Sands to the Skies A first-person, MLP FiM HiE fan fiction. By Mr_Hollow Sand and blood, that’s all I can really remember. Whose blood, that’s hard to say; I mean I know for a fact that I wasn’t alone, pushing into that god-forsaken city. My name is Hazen Rickett, I was a soldier in the United States Army and I was part of a joint invasion force to take over a major city in Iraq. It was the D-Day of my generation, pushing head-first into a heavily fortified stronghold of insurgents, the bastards who attacked the United States to try to prove how big of a John they really had. We were the response, a blind rush to act as a strict kick to the groin to basically say “Hey, put that shit away assholes!” I was nervous, we all were, the young guys who enlisted into the military as a career choice; we always fantasized about what it would be like to see combat, the glory and the action...it’s a typical thing among young guys, though when combat finally came knocking our fantasies were soon crushed. Anyways, we were pushing into the city...at this point I forgot the name of the hell hole. I was running towards a building to use as cover as the rounds of (what I believed to be) an AK of sorts whizzed by. I began to trip up and stumbled towards my cover, slamming into the wall with a grunt. I raised my trusty M16A4 and leaned around the corner, putting a burst of fire towards the line of fire that was directed at me. I was focused on myself and only myself at this point, putting ammo down range towards the bastards who were doing exactly what I was doing, shooting to kill. I was sat in that spot for a solid 20 minutes or so, dodging fire and returning it; I’d racked up about five kills and I wasn’t proud of that. I was fighting to survive, glory being the farthest thing from my mind. I was about to lean around the corner again when I heard a loud whistle from afar then I felt an explosion rock the building I was against. What happened next is where things get fuzzy, I felt an impact on my head then all went black. When I came to I was laid out on my back, distant gunshots were all I could hear. I looked around to get a bearing of my situation; I had no idea where I was in relation to my previous position, but I could see the city. I patted myself down for wounds,my hands and arms were lightly coated in blood, but thankfully there were no wounds which struck me as odd. Another thing to note is that my rifle was gone and so was the standard knife that all of us grunts carried. I rose to my feet, slowly and drew my sidearm. My radio was damaged, the screen had a hole about the size of a dime going into it, but not completely through, which was odd, maybe my radio saved my life? I didn’t know, or care. I was alive and I was making my way back to the city. Upon re-entry I noticed that gunfire died down. Then a low kind of 'THUD' then nothing... until I heard loud explosion about twenty feet from me, and a large white plume of smoke began to form...then another on my opposite side and yet another, I fumbled for the gas mask on my belt, only to feel it was missing and just as I came to that conclusion I was enveloped in the smoke. White Phosphorus is handy when it comes to making smoke screens, I’ll tell you that much, but when you coat an entire city, head to toe in the shit, that’s just evil. White Phosphorus burns extremely hot and will burn you alive if you’re in the impact zone of a WP shell, but if you’re just outside that range the smoke is highly toxic and can kill if under prolonged exposure. All I saw was white, then black as I lost consciousness. When I awoke I was being dragged, I sighed thinking that maybe I had been spotted by a medic wearing a mask, but then something that wasn’t right caught my attention. I was being dragged between lines of trees...a forest? I looked around and sure enough I was being dragged through a forest...a pastel colored forest...”Ugh...what the fuck?” I half groaned, half said. No sooner than I said anything I felt the grip of whatever was dragging me loosen and let go of my collar. “Oh my gosh! You’re awake!” Huh, a woman’s voice? No, a young woman... with an American sounding accent, maybe Canadian? I half sat-up, and turned to get a glimpse of my savior but what confused me was the sight of a small purple equine figure, trotting around me. I was about to look around to see if I could find the source of the female voice, but then I saw the creature before me open it’s mouth. “So you can talk and you can speak Equestrian! That’s grand!” It spoke! "What the fuck?!” I rolled over onto my gut and started to scramble off in a panic, but felt a gentle warmth cover my body, then I was lifted off the ground, I was surrounded in a lavender colored aura and was levitating. “Huh, is that all you can say? ‘What the fuck’ was it?” it said. “This isn’t happening...this has to be some sort of fucked up dream...I just need to wake up. Goddess, please let me be dreaming.” I began pleading for anyone to wake me up, even the goddess I praised. I was and have always been Wiccan. I’m not one of those “edgy” kids who was trying to break the mold, I believed in the ways and felt that this faith was correct, and now I was hoping that pleading for my goddess would save me from whatever hell I was going through. “What’s your name?” The purple unicorn asked. She magically levitated me back to her home...a library, building into a large tree and managed to talk me down, though I didn’t stop pinching myself to see if I would wake up. “I’m Hazen...uh...I mean...P-Private First Class Rickett. United States Army.” I stammered. I acted as if I had been captured and was being interrogated by the freaking enemy. “So you’re a soldier?” She inquired, using her magic to lift my arms and examine them. In another aura she had a notepad and a pencil, the pencil was writing away on it’s own at an extraordinary rate. “Yes...I was on a combat mission...I don’t remember a whole lot about it.” I said with a slight tone of annoyance. “Could you please stop doing that?” She dropped my limbs immediately and looked up. “Sorry, but you’re the first...whatever you are that I’ve seen or heard of, none of my books have anything that resemble you!” She said, excitement mixed with being apologetic, odd mixture. “Really? You’ve never heard of a human?” I choked out, I’m not in Kansas anymore, is really all I could think to sum it up nicely. Another universe? Alternate reality? Possible future of earth? All these possibilities were taking over my mind, while I just stared at the purple unicorn sat in front of me, her lips moving but I couldn’t hear what she’s saying. I shook off my thoughts. “Sorry, what? I got a little lost in my mind for a second there.” I said apologetically, since I never liked to absent mindedly ignore someone, not since Basic Training, at least. “I said, my name is Twilight Sparkle and we’re in a small town called Ponyville, a couple hours from the Equestrian capital of Canterlot...well by train at least.” Trains, huh? I thought the village looked a little...outdated by what I was used to but at least theres some technology that is handy. “Well that’s certainly good to know, thank you.” I smiled as warmly as a confused, scared, alien to this world could and she returned an even warmer smile. “You’re very welcome...but for now can we go through some questions? I’ll ask you one, you answer then you do the same for me?” The gauntlet of questions was just awful. She had so many questions for me that I ended up running out of actual questions about a quarter of a way through her inquisition! It started out fairly simple, what were humans like? How did our societies work? What was our diet like? That last one nearly caused her to have an aneurysm, at least until I explained that humans were basically the evolved cousins of monkeys, then she seemed less....”on edge” as I’ll put it. “Well I do admit, the meat part of the diet maybe a bit difficult to work with, seeing as ponies like myself are herbivores....well aside from the daring ones...or the cannibals out West...” She was about to start rambling until I literally snapped her out of it. “That doesn’t really matter, as long as I can get a steady amount of proteins I should be fine, but I’m no expert on these things, really.” I did worry, though...no meat...NO STEAK! FUCK, WHAT AM I GONNA DO?! “Quick question, Twilight...do all four legged creatures talk here?” She thought for a moment then shrugged. “The Cows talk, Buffalo talk and Griffons talk, Minotaurs talk and Diamond Dogs talk.” The list she rattled off was reassuring, yet concerning... “Griffons and Minotaur exist here?” I said, my jaw nearly hitting the floor. "Yes, we have plenty of varieties of creatures, civilized and savage; domestic and wild.” She sounded like she was advertising the universe to me...I snickered at the though of the “Land of Equestria Vacation paradise commercial” with her voice over. She looked at me puzzled and I explained it all, what television was and advertisements through TV, and she actually giggled at the thought. “That would be silly, wouldn’t it?” I had to say, she was indeed one of the nicest peo-...sentient beings I’d met in a very long time and I enjoyed talking to her. After the bridge from question time to friendly conversation she had what I called a “lightbulb moment”, when someone remembers something they meant to do or say or ask or whatever. “About your clothing, is that the armor your world’s military uses?” I was wearing the standard issue DCUs or Desert Combat Uniform, it consisted of three colors dark brown, mint green and beige in a traditional camo scheme, I looked myself over, I was dusty, dirty and my uniform had burn holes in it...I sighed going back to that last horrible second before the cloud of White Phosphorus enveloped me...did I die? If I didn’t how the hell did I survive? Then my mind went to the event itself...why did we barrage the place in WP? We didn’t have any need to mask our movements with smoke, we would’ve done that before moving into the Area of Operations...it had to have been an offensive strike which was highly illegal under the Geneva Conventions. It was depressing to think that I may have died because we were fighting a losing battle that we had to cheat just to win. Again I sighed and looked up to Twilight. “Well my country uses this specific pattern of camouflage for the branch of the military I’m in, but all branches have different uniforms and camouflage patterns. Also, this isn’t really armor, but just a thick but breathable material. The real body armor is in the vest I’m wearing and the helmet I’m wearing.” I said, pointing to but not actually touching said armored pieces. “But, you’re not wearing a helmet.” Twilight replied. I patted my head to make sure and sure enough my helmet was gone. “Was I wearing it when you found me?” I asked her and she shook her head no. “Well damn, I was hoping that would’ve made it.” I shrugged. “Oh well, it does feel nice to go soft-top.” She gave me a confused look and I sighed. “Sorry, it’s a term me and a few of my friends in the Army used when we were not wearing helmets.” I chuckled, thinking back to a few other bits of jargon we used...not appropriate, especially if I say anything about that dirty barracks rat that Jon kept seeing...now I’m rambling...Twilight eventually put the pieces together and then smiled. “So when you’re wearing a helmet you’re going hard-top, right?” I nodded and she clapped her hooves together with joy. “Twilight, I heard a voice, do we have company?”No longer than she did that I heard a voice from upstairs, it sounded like a young boy, probably 10-ish years old. The owner of the voice, a very short purple and green reptilian creature, rubbing one of it’s eyes came down just enough to where I could get a good glimpse of him. He stopped dead in his tracks once he saw me. He was visibly shaking, but besides that he barely moved, I couldn’t even tell if he was breathing. Twilight trotted over to him and did all the cartoonish ways to snap him out of his trance. Sighing I walked over to him and grabbed him by his little shoulders; I shook the hell out of him. After a bit of the treatment he finally came to, thankfully I didn’t have to slap him. “AH! MONSTER!” he yelled, then proceeded to belch, which combusted into fire mere inches from my face. “Holy shit!” I exclaimed, releasing the know identified dragon and stumbling back a couple of steps. No Spike! It’s okay! He’s friendly!” Twilight cried. “So you’re a soldier from a place that may be in a different universe from a species that nopony has ever heard of?” The baby dragon asked, his tone suspicious. “Yes, basically; and I doubt that ANYBODY would know what I could do to get home.” I emphasized the ‘anybody’, as you can probably tell that it didn’t go over well with the two of them. “Why do you say ‘anybody’?” They both asked almost in sync. “Because that’s what my world says, and it makes sense to, since I’m not a pony and neither is Spike.” They both seemed to take this thought in for a moment before shrugging. “I guess so.” said Twilight and with this Spike nodded in agreement. “So, Twilight what do you think we should do with him?” Spike eyed me, again suspicious of my intentions. “Well maybe we should tell Princess Celestia?” Twilight said nodding to Spike who then against all logic that I can understand pulled a scroll and a quill from behind him. Twilight began her letter... “Dear Princess Celestia, I have come across an odd creature in the Everfree Forest just outside of ponyville. It was alive but unconscious. I began dragging it back to my home in Ponyville when it awoke, and while it is a sentient creature, showed the primal instinct of fear when it came across another unfamiliar sentient being. We have been talking and so far from what I’ve gathered is a male of the species Homo Sapien, or Human as he put it. He is very friendly and I’m sure he would like to meet you.” - Your Faithful Student, Twilight Sparkle. The letter was sent off in a puff of Spike’s firebreath...interesting way of sending mail, I suppose. “Well now I suppose we wait...mind if I smoke?” I said, reaching into my pocket for my trust pack of Cigarettes. {End of Chapter 1} Chapter 2: Hit the Ground Running“The popularity of smoking has taken a slight dent in my world since the link between cigarette smoking and lung cancer was publicized and plenty of concerned individuals have run campaigns against cigarette companies.” A good body of smoke came from my mouth as I started that sentence. I smoked since I was 16 and by god if I didn’t waste so much of my pay now on my habit. I always got a nice ass-chewing from my superiors, but I tended to brush them off. I mean they were right, the damned things were gonna kill me in the long run, but hell they took the edge off and that’s why I always had a pack on hand when I could. I packed my cigarettes tight just out of habit, I grew up in Boston, Massachusetts where I would typically run into a fair amount of wind or rain and the tight packing, while making taking a drag a bit tougher made sure I didn’t have to re-light. “So people use machines to make cigarettes?” Twilight asked, magically levitating a small jar over to where I was, just as I had asked. “The cigarettes here are all packed using magic...well that and we don’t add any chemicals. I don’t smoke, though.” Huh, so I can keep smoking while I’m here...awesome! “Well good on you, Twilight and thanks for the jar, I really don’t want to make a mess of the floor...though I could’ve just stepped outside...” “It’s alright, Hazen; l’m fairly used to smoke, though it’s mostly just the magic scrolls, they still leave that odor. I never thought I would need an ashtray, since I have few visitors who actually do smoke...” She replied while I held the cigarette between my index and middle fingers on my left hand and reached over to pet the baby dragon with my right hand. My attempt at petting the creature was denied, as right before my hand came into contact with the green scales on his head Spike backed off. “Nu-uh. I’m not a dog.” Spike said, sounding fairly annoyed. “Sorry, little dude.” I replied, withdrawing my hand back to the rather SMALL chair I had been sitting in. I finished my cigarette fairly quickly and I dropped the butt into the ash jar, but just as I was about light another but then Spike’s cheeks puffed up and he belched up a flame that nearly singed my eyebrows. It was a scroll, a reply from the princess. Spike cleared his throat and in an attempted announcer voice he read “My dearest Twilight, while this is indeed of importance I am far too busy to pay a visit at this moment to see this creature of which you mentioned. I will inform you of my arrival in advance. Your Teacher, Princess Celestia.” “Darn, looks like Princess Celestia has things to take care of.” Twilight sighed. “Well she is your country’s royal sovereign so she is bound to have duties to take care of.” I said...well partially muttered as I was putting another cigarette between my lips. I sat there, fairly calm and enjoying the slight nicotine high, my mind began to wander. Why hadn’t I followed the standard protocol when I first met Twilight? I should know better, I mean so far so good but what if their leader treats me differently? I shook these thoughts away and replaced them with my theories of the world I was in. I went through all possible scenarios, from my aforementioned Alternate universe and future of earth theories, to a possible pocket hidden away from earth in one of those dark zones people who go to never return from. I was subconsciously taking drags from my cigarette, as I usually did when I was deep in thought, then I noticed that Twilight was speaking. “Sorry, Twilight, I keep drifting off into my own mind...I’m still trying to get a grasp of this place... I mean this is no where like where I was before you found me.” I said sounding slightly dejected, and she looked at me with the deepest expression of concern. Then I told her my tale, of the city and the firefight...I explained guns and how they worked and then about White Phosphorous and of what ended up happening to me in the end before I woke up. “I just don’t understand what would bring me to a place like this.” What I thought would be a slight tone of melancholy was actually quite overwhelming. I was certain now that maybe I was in a form of afterlife seeing as I shouldn’t have been able to survive the cloud of WP. The Purple unicorn, who seemed to feel sorry for me came over to me and wrapped a leg around me and gave me a light hug, which partially caught me off guard, I didn’t return the hug but I certainly did feel better. “Well I’m very sorry you’ve been through so much...” Twilight started to speak, but I cut her off. “It’s okay, it’s my job...I fight and if I die, I die for my country...that’s what I signed up for, after all.” I said, a smile upon my face. I enlisted on July 20th, 2000. I went through basic training and graduated eight weeks later. I enlisted for a few reasons, I felt patriotic enough to enlist so I suppose that is reason number one, though I never felt that I had real qualifications for a civilian job, I just felt drawn to the military to help me find out what I was good at. Then comes the final reason, my family has lineage in the military. My father was a grunt and so was his and so on...though the one man in my family that changed my view of it all was my uncle who fought in Vietnam. He was a tunnel rat, a crazy S.O.B by pretty much all standards, but he was a cool guy. He told me this “You see boy, when you’re a soldier you have to remember a couple of things; first, you’re superiors have your name and your ass, don’t piss them off. Second, when you get out there and you’re fighting, you’re fighting for your country...your friends, your family...those suits in Washington who decide who you’re fighting...no matter how you feel about some of the people you’re gonna fight for all of the people.” He was right. “I asked you if you would like to meet my friends.” Twilight’s words managed to shake me from my thoughts this time. “Eh...would that be a problem to the rest of the town?” I wasn’t ready to start a panic in a strange land I knew so little about, hell I wasn’t even armed...was I? I patted myself down and felt the familiar bulk of my pistol, right where it should be. Stupid! Stupid! Stupid! I’ve been shitting on protocol since I got here! Twilight opened her mouth to reply but I cut her off again. “Twilight, I’m going to take a gun from my belt, I’m only checking it.” Her expression changed to a mixture of curiosity and excitement, she nodded. I unfastened the strap and pulled the pistol from it’s holster. Twilight leaned closer with extreme interest. “So that’s a gun? What is that made of? Can we disassemble it?...” She had more questions than I noted, but I feel I had to cut down for the sake of saving ink. After a long examination of my side-arm and a long discussion, Twilight finally decided it was time to venture out and see her friends. We went to meet her friend Rarity first, apparently she was the most fashion savvy woma- ... mare in town; she had her own boutique and as Twilight put it “Makes the highest quality clothes in all of Equestria.” As we were walking over, the thought popped into my head. I reached into my pocket and pulled out the small leather square that was my wallet, and from the wallet I took a small photograph of me and my girlfriend, her in an elegant black dress and I was wearing my Green Class A uniform and beret, a few ribbons on my coat, my name tag and the usual. I was going to see if maybe, just maybe I could have Rarity re-make my uniform, so that I may be presentable when I was to meet the Princesses. Twilight gave me a light nudge on the arm. “Deep in thought again?” I nodded. “A couple things are on my mind...I’m still a bit worried about causing a stir in the town.” She pointed her foreleg around, showing that some of the other ponies didn’t even look in my direction, and even the ones who did didn’t look twice. We arrived and I have to say the design of the building was an...interesting concept; the building itself resembled a carousel, painted purple with yellow accenting it. Twilight gently shoved the door to the boutique open; which revealed the small reception-type area, most likely where she would take orders; Twilight motioned toward a rather comfy looking, lavender colored sofa, on which I took a seat; it was indeed the most comfortable seat I’ve sat in, since deployment. Twilight vanished into the back of the store, calling for Rarity while I sat there taking in the atmosphere. The room smelled as if it was perfumed, yet it had a subtle undertone of a smell of creativity mixed with hard work and ambition. Besides the smell, it was a bright room; both the amount of light inside and the colors that filled the room made it very comfortable, those shades of a deepish pink color with yellows and purples indeed reminded me that this building belonged to a lady. “Well hello, welcome to Carousel (called it.) boutique!” The new voice was very pleasant, it was what I would expect a sophisticated female to sound like, clear with a touch of what sounded like a proper English accent. I looked up to see the source of the voice and my eyes took hold of a beautiful white unicorn mare with a deep purple mane and tane, both were curled. “Hello there, Ms. Rarity.” I greeted her pleasantly, which seemed to catch her surprise...did she think of me as a savage? I could understand why, I was covered in dirt and blood. She looked me over, acting as if she was inspecting some of her designs. I could feel her stare and with that I stood up, and walked over to her; “If I may say, this shop is quite lovely...though the designs aren’t really in my taste...or form for that matter.” I smiled at her, only to have it returned but hesitantly. “Well, well, well...looks are deceiving, with the state of your..’clothes’(She said it sounding mostly like they weren’t really clothes)...and the dirt and Oh my, that dreadful blood in your hair! We certainly must clean that!” I chuckled and was about to tell her that I was fine, but I was dragged away by that familiar feeling of unicorn magic. “And I must make you some new clothes! I cannot...CANNOT...let you wander around in those rags!” She was certainly generous...though it was a little...overwhelming. “Actually, I had an idea about that...but I don’t know how I could pay for such a task.” I said as she was scrubbing the blood from my hair with some very fragrant soap. “And Rarity, these “rags” are the uniform of my country’s military. Please treat it with respect.” I partially said, partially snapped. I noticed that she was fairly hesitant to continue conversation. “I-I’m sorry, I didn’t mean any disrespect.” She sounded very...guilty? I realized that I must’ve sounded very harsh. “No, no. I didn’t mean to snap like I did, It’s just what I was used to back home, I had a few instances of disrespect towards me personally and towards the military.” I was very apologetic, I didn’t mean to make her feel bad; especially since she didn’t know. “Really? I don’t understand why anypony would disrespect those who protect them.” She sounded quite surprised. I nodded and spoke “It’s just because of the day and age my world is in I guess.” With that settled she continued to clean the blood from my head. “Oh! That looks simply divine, Hazen dear! May I hold on to this picture for reference?” Rarity was “holding” the picture in front of her with her magic. “Of course...just make sure it gets back to me later.” She smiled and nodded. “Goodbye, Ms.Rarity; thank you.” I stepped out of the boutique wearing a new black wool pea-coat, custom tailored which included a little pocket on the inside of the coat for my cigarettes, new grey pants...the material I’m not really sure of... a black belt, a comfortably fitted white T-shirt (much to her objection, she wanted to make me a dress shirt) all along with my boots, cleaned to the point where they looked almost brand new...oh and a bag with my BDU’s (which she did the best she could to clean them.) Twilight trailed behind me for a moment before turning back and snapping at Spike about dilly-dallying. He (adorably) toddled back to us with his head practically cemented in the direction of the boutique. I stopped for a moment and flanked around to catch a look at the baby dragon’s face. He was obviously love struck. “Oh boy...” I muttered as I caught back up with Twilight. She looked back at her assistant and giggled. “You noticed?” She said then giggled again. “Are you kidding, a blind man could’ve noticed.” I said before chuckling myself. “Whaaaat?” the baby dragon whined and I chuckled again. “You’re just so adorable with your crush on Rarity.” I stuck my tongue out at him playfully and he frowned. “Sorry, buddy I was just teasing.” I felt bad that I had potentially insulted the baby dragon. “It’s alright, Hazen...I just wish she would return my feelings.” Spike sounded fairly somber at this point and as if it was my little cousin of ten years old, I picked him up and hugged him. “Hey, everyone has their chances in life and love; if she doesn’t work out you’ll find someone, but you need to step up...observing from a distance and hoping for them to come to you doesn’t always work out.” I patted him on the head, and set him down; he was smiling. “Thanks for the advice.” said Spike. Our journey took us to a farm, a large plot with apple trees for acres and acres in each direction. Twilight and I were discussing the history of earth as well as I knew it. She was very interested in the industrial revolution periods of England and the United States and then very saddened at the events of the Second World War. I was about to bring her up to the modern times but I was beaned in the head with an apple. “GOTCHA!” a female voice exclaimed, I rubbed the back of my head with a groan. Twilight and Spike started to crack up with laughter. “AJ, come out!” Twilight called once she’d wiped the laugh-induced tears from her eyes. “Whut in tarnation is that thing?!” an orange mare called. She had a blonde mane covered by a light brown stetson hat as well as a blonde tail and green eyes and a fair southern drawl. “My name is Hazen Rickett and I’m a human.” I replied to the country pony. “And whut are ya’ll doin’ here?” She asked fairly suspiciously only to be reconciled by a quick, but detailed explanation of everything I had told her. “So you’re a soldier from a differ’nt world?” the pony asked me and looked me over once, then twice. “Ya’ll don’t very...soldiery...” I replied with a light chuckle. “Well I had met Ms. Rarity earlier and she made me some new clothes...every soldier has to have a civilian side, right?” She smiled, apparently satisfied with my answer. “Well ahm, Applejack, AJ to my friends, sorry about earlier.” She held out her hoof, I took it and shook it. “Well I understand, seeing an odd creature, let alone anyone unfamiliar on your property is fair enough for such action...though I could think of something a sight better than apples for that.” She gave me a look of “Well I’m waiting, what is it?” I waved the thought away. “Well besides my thought, I have to say that was a damn good toss, I certainly felt that apple.” She smirked. “Well ahm am one of those farm-mares no one wants ta go tusslin’ with!” I laughed heartily. “Well that’s for sure.” “Ya’ll are welcome here anytime! Don’t be a stranger, ya hear?” Applejack yelled as Twilight, Spike and I walked down the dirt road. I smiled and waved back to her as we left. “Well she’s certainly a friendly one.” I said walking along, I put my hands in my pockets, my smile wide. The walk back towards ponyville was a quiet and comfortable one. I reached into my coat for my cigarettes but...I didn’t feel the urge for once. “Huh, that’s odd.” I said to myself outloud. “What?” Twilight and Spike said at the same time. “I don’t feel like I need a cigarette right now...that’s sort of odd for me.” They both shrugged. “Well I guess it’s maybe because I feel at ease for once...l dunno...even when I wasn’t enlisted I smoked out of boredom...when I was stressed...hell...I smoked for damn near any reason I could.” This was true, since I started smoking I found it to be my go to curb the edge of a situation. We headed back into Ponyville and towards a rather interesting looking store, the roof looked as if it was a gingerbread house with frosting along the edges of the roof, with a small addition through the roof that was decorated to look like a pair of cupcakes...speaking of which the shop’s sign was simply a cupcake. “A bakery? We gettin’ lunch?” I asked aloud for either of my companions to answer. “Well if you’d like to, but actually one of my friends works here.” Twilight replied as she magically opened the door and held it open for me. “Thank you, Twilight.” I stepped through and just out of the doorway, reaching back to hold the door open for my companions. As they entered I felt a sudden weight slam against me and knock me to the floor, by instinct I reached for my sidearm, bringing it up into the face of a giggling pink pony. “HIHIHIHIHIIHIHIHIHIHIIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHI!” she said “I’mPinkiePie!Whatareyou,whatisthat?Oh!HelloTwilight!” She turned and launched herself off of me and toward Twilight, only to be stopped by a magical field trapping her mid-air. “Aw, you’re no fun, Twi.” Pinkie said with a faux disappointed tone...only for the act to be killed by her giggling. Twilight dropped the field and she came back to me as I was rising to my feet, I put my sidearm away and was rubbing the back of my head. “Ow...” I mumbled. She then appeared hanging upside down in front of me, looking at me with a wide smile...the sudden breaking of physics and science proceeded to escalate my headache. “Uh my name is Hazen and uh...how in the hell do you do that?” I asked the beaming pink pony. “She’s just Pinkie Pie, it’s easier to think of it that way.” Twilight said. “She’s one of my friends and Ponyville’s finest baker and party animal.” Pinkie proceeded to shake her head up and down so fast all I saw was a pink blur and I swear to any and all gods that I heard a cow bell being struck as she did so...what is this a damned cartoon? So...there was no lunch, but hell I didn’t care, I didn’t have any money to buy food and I sure as hell wasn’t gonna have Twilight pick up my lunch, no matter how many times she insisted I held firm. “So where to next?” I asked, lighting a cigarette....I didn’t need it until my run in with Pinkie Pie, she broke physics for fucks sake, I felt like I got mind fucked and what goes good after getting fucked? A cigarette, that’s what. I laughed at my own stupid joke to get an odd look from the purple pony and the baby dragon. “Uh...we’re going to see Fluttershy over by the forest...you okay?” Twilight asked, sounding genuinely concerned. I explained I remembered a funny joke that the two probably wouldn’t get and left it at that. We arrived at the small cottage, which sort of resembled a tree with a roof covered or made of leaves. There were birdhouses all over the place, with many birds flying in and out of them, many species I recognized and some I didn’t. Twilight approached the door and gave it a knock as I dropped my cigarette butt in a little glass container that had some cigarette butts in it already. “So...is she a smoker?” I asked Twilight, as we waited. “Not really, but Angel her little bunny has been going through a phase and has been smoking plenty.” She replied. Okay, that’s fuckin’ weird...a rabbit...smoking...then again the fact there are sentient talking horses who also smoke...eh fuck logic. As I finished my internal monologue the door opened up just a crack. “Oh...hello Twilight, hello Spike.” A very soft voice said. The door opened further, then an “EEP!” was heard...then the door slammed and pretty damn hard too. “Fluttershy, it’s okay! He’s friendly!” Twilight called as she banged on the door yet again. I moved towards the door, then something heavy and hard hit my head...again and everything went black. I found myself in an alley way back in Iraq, it was hazy...I saw one of my squadmates laying down fire around the corner, but I couldn’t hear anything but this loud ringing in my ears, I tried to talk, but couldn’t hear what I was saying...he turned and looked at me and started to shout, but again the loud ringing was dominant. He started to turn back to where he was shooting before, but a round impacted his head and he went limp. I awoke with a start, my head was bandaged. I looked around the room, it was a very cozy little living room in which I appeared to be just tossed onto the sofa. “Ah...my fuckin’ head.” I said, rubbing the sore spot. A little bunny hopped into the room with a lit cigarette in his mouth, he hopped over to me. I looked at him inquisitively and he made the gesture of a lighter with his paws. “Need a light?” I asked, he nodded. I reached into my coat pocket for the little red disposable lighter I had and flicked it to life. The rabbit hopped over and extended his cigarette towards the flame, taking a drag and exhaling the smoke. He gave me a rock on sign and hopped away, only to be passed by a yellow pony with a pink mane. “Oh! You’re awake! I’m so so sorry about that, Angel thought you were a monster and dropped a big rock on your head.” The pony explained. “Wait...the bunny that went by with a cigarette.” I asked, she nodded. “Dammit...he just bummed a light off me...little bast- jerk.” I didn’t want to insult her friend..or pet or whatever. “You’re Fluttershy, right?” I inquired as I sat up. “Y-yes...Twilight and Spike went to get some pain relievers and some more gauze since I used the last of mine on your head.” She replied, bowing her head, she has suddenly become shy on me...and by god it was adorable! “Well thank you, Fluttershy. My name is Hazen Rickett. I smiled at her, hoping to coax her to do the same...she lightened up a bit but not a lot. After a short discussion about my world, humans and the animals of earth she had finally loosened up to a level that I didn’t feel like I was talking with a turtle in it’s shell. The door swung open and in stepped in Twilight and Spike with a small vial of pills, a package of gauze and two packs of “Unfiltered Saddle Arabian” cigarettes. Angel hopped up and took the packs of cigarettes and hopped over to Fluttershy. “Oh Angel...you need one?” The bunny nodded and Fluttershy opened one of the soft packs and pulled out a cigarette. She gave it to the rabbit who then hopped over to me, I took my lighter and lit his cigarette again then a thought came into my head. “Uh...could I see one of those?” I asked Angel, he nodded. Fluttershy handed over the open soft pack and I took one out and looked it over, it smelled just like an unfiltered Camel. I exhaled a fair cloud of smoke, riding out a nice little head rush from the smoke...it was like Camel and American Spirit merged and made a damned fine Organic foreign cigarette, clean and flavorful. To be fair, I gave Angel one of my cigarettes, though I hoped he wouldn’t mind since it was a processed brand. He finished his Saddle Arabian and put the Marlboro Red in it’s place. I lit it and he seemed to enjoy it. I left without the bandages, seeing as Flutters had just wrapped my head out of habit. We were off to try to find Twilight’s other friend who as she put it “Could be anywhere she can stroke her ego.” I saw a cyan blur with a rainbow trail behind it traveling quite fast across the sky. I pointed out to Twilight who turned off in the direction of said blur and began to run, Spike bobbing up and down on her back, holding on for dear life. I followed the two across town and into a small clearing. It wasn’t a long jog, but it was refreshing compared to the sprinting I had done back in the sand... A cyan pegasus pony with a rainbow mane and rainbow tail was stood in front of Twilight, and they were talking, Twilight pointed towards me with her hoof. Rainbow bolted towards me and flew all around me looking me over carefully. “Uh...hi.” I said, following her around her orbit. “Can you fly?” the cyan pegasus asked me once she landed in front of me. “Not without a vehicle, sorry.” I said and she seemed quite disappointed. “Darn, I was hoping for some competition...” She shrugged “Eh, don’t worry about it dude...name’s Rainbow Dash.” Competition, more like someone else to smoke...shit she was going pretty fucking fast a minute ago. “Good to meet ya, I’m Hazen Rickette, just call me Hazen.” I said extending my hand, she put her hoof forward and we shook. “Well if you want some competition in something besides flying, I could give it a go.” I said jokingly, her smile went wide. “Really?!” I nodded and she looked ready to list off possibly every possible competition we could have, but Twilight stepped in and explained that we were busy...which was true, gotta get living arrangements settled. We returned to Twilight’s library and discussed the issue over tea and dandelion sandwiches. “Well you could stay here, as cramped as it might be.” Twilight said levitating her cup to her lips and sipping at the tea. “I wouldn’t want to impose, I mean...” I started but she cut me off. “I insist, I cannot leave you out on the street or in the woods, that wouldn’t be right!” Well, looks like I’m crashing here for a while... “Thanks Twilight, I will pay back this favor how ever I can.” The next few days were pretty uneventful, just hanging around and doing chores... turns out winter was coming soon, so I began chopping wood and piling it up beside the library. Chopping wood brought me back to when I would visit my grandmother in New Hampshire during the summers. It was taking a break, shirtless leaned up against the Library with an Saddle Arabian burning down between my lips when Twilight came out with a glass of water. “Ah, I got you on break, good. Here’s some water and thank you again, I can’t always have wood delivered during the winter.” She said levitating the glass into my waiting hand. “No, thank you for taking me in. This is the least I can do.” I took a large sip of the water, emptying half the glass in one pull. “Oh, by the way Princess Celestia sent a letter, she’ll send an escort to pick us up tomorrow afternoon.” I nodded. “Alright, I better go see if Rarity has my uniform ready, thank you Twi.” I petted her head, she smiled. I was off to see Rarity for my uniform and tomorrow I would meet the rulers of this land...to say I was nervous was a fucking understatement... Chapter 3: Back in the SaddleI picked up the uniform along with custom shoes to match. Rarity did a damn fine job, it was practically identical to the one I had hung up back home, minus the few ribbons I had; but all in all she basically replicated the entirety of my uniform from the ranks to the beret that adorned my head the next day. I spent the few hours before bed pressing my uniform again and again, then shining my shoes, I had to be presentable...I had to be. I woke up early, before the sun rose and got myself squared away with a bowl of oatmeal, a nice glass of milk and my first cigarette of the day, just to make everything better. I sat up in the quiet library, reading various books to pass the time. Twilight had a little closet she didn’t use down stairs, so I hung the uniform in it and thankfully it stayed as straight as I felt was presentable. Twilight woke up pretty much as the sun did, just a few hours after I did and wasn’t surprised to see me up whatsoever. “Nervous, Hazen?” She asked with a yawn. “You have no buckin’ idea, Twi.” I replied. I got dressed in the uniform, it was surprisingly comfortable compared to the one back home...I suppose it being custom tailored for your hide will do that. I decided that I should stop kicking the shit of the protocol and act as I was taught to do and treat the Princesses as I would a friendly diplomat, polite, respectful and to speak only when spoken to...though my instincts told me to be cautious...so I tucked my pistol down my pant leg, just in case. Twilight and Spike stepped outside and I joined them in awaiting the escort. Once the chariot surrounded by armored Pegasi guards showed up I felt a touch uncomfortable and Twilight noticed the slight change in my demeanor. “Hey...it’s alright, there’s no more guards than if it was only Spike and I...relax.” I nodded, but this didn’t comfort me...these boys had spears and I wasn’t taking any chances. We stepped forward, Twilight said some words to the lead guard and he nodded to her. Without incident we all loaded up into the chariot with no problem...what happened next still gets me. The chariot began to fucking fly, like Santa’s sleigh out of a damn christmas special. “God dammit, I’m no airborne...” I mumbled under my breath. The flight was a short one, and we landed in front of a beautiful palace...the surrounding city was also beautiful, I had to assume this was Canterlot, the capitol that Twilight told me of days before. We stepped from the chariot and towards the palace gates. The soldiers on watch raised their spears and pointed them at me and me alone. I was ready to reach for my sidearm and inflict some high velocity lead poisoning on these guards, but a loud voice rung out from behind them. “GUARDS, I BID THEE STAND DOWN!” The source, was a midnight blue...alicorn? What the hell? The guards lowered their spears and snapped to attention Twilight moved ahead, but I stood my ground as the alicorn approached. “Princess Luna, it’s great to see you!” Twilight said to the Alicorn who smiled at her. “Tis good to see you as well, Twilight Sparkle. This is the creature thou mentioned in thine letter?” She said at a normal volume, and with Twilight continued down to meet me. I snapped to attention as she was roughly ten paces away, which caught the attention of the guards who had just held me at spear point. “Hmm...thou are a soldier?” she inquired looking me over. “Yes, ma’am. I am Private First Class Hazen Rickett of the United States Army.” I spoke loud and clear, avoiding shouting as was the first mistake I made at Basic Training, getting smoked for such a thing was not fun. She nodded “At ease, I am Princess Luna, ruler of the night who rules by the side of my sister, Celestia.” I relaxed just a bit, but didn’t get too comfortable seeing as I still had to meet Celestia, but I felt that my presentation helped my first impression with the princess of the night. Twilight, Spike and I continued into the palace in tow of Princess Luna, as we walked (me half marching just out of habit) examined the Princess further, the mark on her flank was a crescent moon and her mane was...well it looked like a foggy night sky, twinkling stars shrouded by a deep blue mane, her tail matched. She walked with very elegant steps, trained in or natural I don’t know. A black tiara adorned her head just above her horn. By any stretch she had a natural beauty that seemed to be enhanced by her regal stature. Twilight piped up and started a conversation with her, explaining my discovery and the last few days. I didn’t say a word, speak when spoken to...I was back in the formal soldier mode. We got to the throne room after a short walk. The high ceiling and wide interior of this room was quite awe inspiring...though the whole damn palace was awe inspiring, this room hit me the hardest for one reason or another. As we stood just before the throne I snapped back to attention, regardless of Princess Luna’s presence. The alicorn before me seemed to be the opposite of the Princess of the night, a bright white coat and rainbow mane that seemed to blow in a non existent breeze. “Princess Celestia, it is good to see you!” Twilight said, trotting up the god like figure before me. She was taller than her co-ruler as well, by half a foot at least. “It is good to see you too, my most faithful student.” She smiled warmly at Twilight and her attention turned to me, maintaining said smile. “And you must be the creature my student stumbled across.” Her voice was very soothing along with one of the warmest smiles I have ever seen in my life. “Yes, ma’am. I am Private First Class Hazen Rickett of the United States Army.” I said again, I kept my bearing no matter how badly I wanted to return her smile, it was almost contagious. “It is a pleasure to make your acquaintance, Private First Class...everypony, may we please have a moment to discuss PFC (Shortening it up for ink) Rickett’s situation?” In that instant the room cleared, Twilight, Spike and all the guards were gone and the only ones in the throne room were Princess Luna, Princess Celestia and I. “PFC Rickett...what is thine reason for being in our lands?” The princess of the night asked me. “I have no reason, to be honest ma’am...” I told them both my tale, from deployment to arriving at Twilight’s home. They both seemed uneasy at the details of the battle and the cause of the war, but stayed attentive. I explained human’s weapons of war...what humans were, the countries and the like. “From what you’ve told us, you’re very lucky to be alive.” Princess Celestia started...”But I need to know you’re not going to harm any of our little ponies.” I nodded and replied “I understand, ma’am. I have no intention of causing harm to any of your subjects without provocation, If I’m in danger I will act accordingly, but besides that I have no plans of causing unjust harm.” Both princesses seemed satisfied with my answer, but seemed to have something more in store for me. Princess Celestia began to speak and what she requested made my heart drop. “You’re going to have to work with the Equestrian military to earn proper citizenship?!” Twilight was floored. “Relax...I’m not a fan of this, but at least she’s giving me a few months to settle in and get prepared...she even gave me some bits so I could get a room here, so that I may report in tomorrow, since she has somethings to show me apparently...” I patted the bag of bits in my pocket. “It’s just like my deployment back home...” I sighed and reached into my pocket, taking a cigarette. Fuck it, I needed it. I got my room in a fairly nice hotel, a stone’s throw away from the palace. Twilight had Rainbow drop off some clothes, which I immediately changed into as I took a walk around Canterlot. It was a bustling city of classy elites...fuck I hated this place already. I got some food from a local market run by a griffon, which sold meats and cheeses. I left with a few steaks that the fellow was kind enough to cook for me, it didn’t cost much seeing as I had some extra after renting my room. I returned to my room and enjoyed one of the slabs of meat, it was excellent and I thanked my goddess for them. The rest of the night was spent me lighting up cigarette after cigarette until I finally fell asleep...I was pissed off and by god I was worried, what the hell would I be doing in the Equestrian military? Would the troops take to me or would I be alienated? I slept fairly lightly, and woke up just before 9:00, I ate another steak and got dressed in a finer set of clothes that Rarity had made the day before my departure to Canterlot. I left my BDU’s behind as they were practically ruined and I didn’t want to ruin them further. I went off towards the palace, with my sidearm tucked in my boot. “Today is going to be interesting.” I said to myself aloud. Apparently the Princesses had a stash of human technology, each piece arriving randomly...they had a research lab underneath the palace, where ponies were working 24/7 studying and trying to replicate the most useful of objects. Celestia lead me in and I was blown away immediately by the sheer amount of badassery that lay ahead. I immediately went over to investigate a pick up truck I had never seen before...it was Ford, but the style was unfamiliar to me. I was immediately asked by the princesses what it was. “Well this is a vehicle used by humans to get around fairly quickly...it can go hundreds of miles in a few hours depending on conditions and fuel consumption.” I looked around the cab, a few Alkaline Trio CDs among many others...but no keys. I reached up under the steering column and wrenched the underside open, revealing the wires. With a little folding knife I found in the glove box I cut a couple of wires and pressed them together. The engine revved to life. “Aha! Thank you dad!” My father taught me a few useful things growing up, hotwiring cars being one of them...bless his soul. I slid up into the driver’s seat....and looking around the engine’s roar drew the attention (and scared the shit out of) all the research ponies and the princesses alike. After returning to my hotel and grabbing everything I had brought, I loaded the bed of the truck up with a few of the heavier guns and tossed a tarp over it and tied it down. “Alright princesses so, besides taking these few goodies, what are my remaining objectives?” I lit up a cigarette I had taken from a World War II C-ration accessory pack...they were pristine, as if just delivered...Lucky Strikes...my grandfather smoked these during his time in Germany...another crazy S.O.B. in my lineage. “Well, Hazen your orders are to take these items to Ponyville and seek Pinkie Pie, she has discovered the Mirror Pond, it allows anypony to make a clone of themselves and through some research the elements have done on it, it can clone items as well...use this to your advantage, we have a specific assignment in mind for you, where this may prove useful.” Princess Celestia replied. “We’ll have shipments of the rest of the items in our research sent down that way as well as establishing a camp and making it restricted to only those who have our approval. You’re going to be in charge for now, seeing as you actually know what these items do. Any questions?” I thought about it. “No questions, but a suggestion...if you’re going to make a camp around this we are certainly going to need either a VERY large warehouse, or a series of decently sized ones...I’m certain that I’ll have to keep a steady supply of these trucks around...I have a few ideas.” I smirked, Technicals, we’re going to need technicals...and with one of the goodies loaded in the bed of the truck...this was going to be fun. It wasn’t a horribly long drive to Ponyville, I stayed on the coach roads which were practically abandoned. Driving through the remnants of old abandoned and nearly abandoned towns reminded me of the American Southwest when the railroad made its way through, killing off the towns that thrived off of wagoneers and their patronage. I dug through the CD’s and popped in a CD that I was not only familiar with but was one of my favorite albums... “When was it that you lost your youth or traded it for something more for them to use so jaded...” The second track began...I’d listened to the first track so much I just decided to skip it and get back to it later. I began to sing along. This was Alkaline Trio’s From Here to Infirmary, an album that had just come out this year. I loved my punk rock seeing as I grew up during it’s high point and Alkaline Trio was one of my favorite bands. The song I was listening to now, Mr. Chainsaw hit home for me, it was a song about growing up and facing the real world, tossing yourself away just so you could survive. “Everything that you could never say...it wouldn’t matter anyway, I took a hammer and two nails to my eardrums long ago...” The music made the drive much much easier...thank god for a working CD player. I pulled into Ponyville and of course everypony crowded around the truck, some terrified ones ran away while others stood around trying to figure out what it was. I hopped out and looked around at them all. “Citizens of Ponyville, there is no cause for alarm...this is merely a human vehicle and not some metal monster. Please, pay me and it no heed and return to your business.” I called out to the gathering crowd. They all began to disperse...oddly enough these ponies were fairly open minded. I was concerned I was going to have a lynch mob out for me at some point...ah whatever. I pulled it around to Twilight’s library and knocked on the door. “Oh Hazen, you’re back! Wait...what is that thing behind you?” Twilight was happy to see me, and that certainly made me happy. “That, Twilight is a pickup truck...” I explained the rest to her and what cargo I had in the bed...we decided that for the time being it would be best to keep it protected so that no one got hurt if they went snooping around. Her horn began to glow and a purple forefield surrounded the truck, effectively blocking from any unwelcome entry. I thanked her, then patted her head. “Well Twi, I hate to run off but I have orders...I need to go see Pinkie...maybe after all my work we could hangout? Have some tea or something?” It had only been a few days and I was already beginning to get more comfortable. “Sure, that sounds good!” Twilight replied. I waved good bye and began walking to Sugarcube Corner. Finding Pinkie was certainly no chore, she was usually here if not bouncing around the town and continuing to break physics... I explained my orders to her and after getting permission from Mr. and Mrs. Cake we went back to get the truck. I had Pinkie load up in the passenger’s seat and off we went, towards the forest. Thankfully there was something of a path, though it was rough...thank god for four wheel drive...it made beating through the forest much easier. Guards had already landed and began establishing a perimeter and many of them began setting up tents while construction crews coming in from the OTHER side began knocking down forest and setting up foundations for what appeared to be three large warehouses...all around the site there were tents being raised and what looked like watch towers being set up...good god I thought I had stepped back and been sent into ‘Nam. I pulled up to a few blockers with guards manning them. A brief conversation with a guard on site who would later do amazing things, he told me that they recognized that the “metal carriage” I was in was explained in their orders they didn’t bother double checking. We pulled in just at the entrance to the cave and disembarked. Pinkie showed me inside and explained everything that occurred in her little “episode” with the pond. After a few test runs I ended up with three packs of the Lucky Strikes...fuck yes. I undid the tie downs on the truck and set the tarp down beside the pool and began off loading the cargo...but not before rubbing my hands together manically. The first thing I set on the mat was a M240B light machine gun...belt fed 7.62mm killing machine...oh such a beast....such a beast... next to it I set down a pair of rifles, one Barrett M82 .50 cal Sniper rifle and a M40A3 7.62x51mm Sniper rifle. I set the M40 in the bed due the fact that there was no room in the back of the cab from all the other goodies I had packed...and hell with the rest of the shit that was going to be delievered we were going to have quite an armory. I carefully placed an M72 Law rocket launcher down on the tarp...damn thing was brand new...and last but not least...an M2 .50 cal belt fed death machine, not just because fuck you, but because fuck you and your cover. Before too long I had a tarp and a few small tables loaded with guns...oh it was beautiful! I took a list of inventory (including what was shipped down), which I’ll put down here, note: this list was written before copies were made 2x M16A4 5.56x46mm NATO 2x AKM 7.62x39mm 1x M14 7.62x51mm NATO 3x M1 Garand .30-06 Springfield 1x L96 .338 Lapua Magnum 5x Mosin Nagant 91/30 7.62x54r mm 1x M4A1 5.56x46mm NATO 2x Colt M1911 .45 ACP 1x Kimber Warrior .45 ACP 1x Thompson Sub Machinegun .45 ACP 1x PA-63 9x18mm 2x Beretta M9 9x19mm 1x DShKs 12.7x108mm 1x Mossberg 500 12 Gauge 1x Spas 12 12 Gauge Now, it seems odd I have to say, this random assortment of firearms ending up in a land that still uses spears, swords and the like... hell digging through the labs later on we stumbled across some radios, and helicopter parts, seriously...how in the blue fuck did this stuff end up here? Why does the old WW2 and older stuff seem brand new? Why did supplies end up here and no people? The questions were clouding my mind and I didn’t seem to notice a tug at my sleeve. “Hazen, what is all this stuff?” Pinkie asked looking specifically towards the guns. “Well Pinkie, these are firearms, they fire a lead projectile at high velocity when the primer (I took a round from my concealed M9 out for reference.) is struck by the firing pin. The firing pin hitting the primer causes a spark within the casing which is loaded with gunpowder, which is highly flammable, The gunpowder ignites and explodes causing the actual bullet which is this little tip to go flying.” I reloaded the round back into the magazine. Pinkie seemed even more confused...so I put it in a more simple sense. “When someone pulls this trigger, the weapon goes off and a piece of metal goes flying really fast and can seriously hurt, or kill.” This shocked her, but I patted her on the head. “It’s alright, I know it’s different and I know it’s not a nice thing...but these weapons have saved countless lives from evil...though evil has they’re own guns too.” After everything was set up we decided to try something...risky, though Pinkie said it was perfectly safe. I was lowered into the mirror pond and as expected a clone of myself came out with me. “Well then...cloning, this’ll be fun.” I said with a grin, the clone mirrored my grin. “Alright, so you should know the situation, we are gonna be part of the military...again. I need you to continue the cloning until we have a decent set up around here to keep arms, transport and supplies made.” The clone nodded but then asked “So...am I Hazen, or...” I cut him off. “You’re free to choose your own name, if you’d like.” The clone smiled, must be nice choosing your own nomenclature, I suppose. We had an extreme amount of clones at the end of the day, but it was good. Supplies were being “made” and once the supply crew was set, we had more clones made to help the construction crews outside, all while I just stood and watched...so this is what being an officer feels like...probably not. We mounted up cloned M2’s onto cloned Ford trucks, making technicals...it was nice having mobile platforms of death...if only we had tanks...damn. Rarity, being the generous mare she was designed many uniforms based off the ones I came in, sans burns and blood. We had winter gear, desert, woodland, urban...she even decided to make “fashion” camo like back home...pink and purple...ugh... The first month passed and the orders from the princesses changed from numbers, training the royal guard to eventually posting security around various towns, villages and security. By this point, we had such an efficient line of supplies that we managed to have surplus to sell. No guns for ponies or anyone else...didn’t want to have that shitstorm brewing because of us. Uniforms for ponies, cloned cigarettes, rations and music (yes we cloned music...because morale and stuff.) were what kept the clones paid... Oh and the clones took on their own personas to make things easier...I mean in a barracks full of clones if someone called “RICKETT!” how much of a pain in the ass would it be to figure out which one? One the arrival of the second month (I hung around Ponyville, mostly but did go to oversee operations) Twilight and her friends and I had become very close and on this particular day...well...I got new orders. “Oversee troop movements towards the Griffon Empire...we are war, sir.” Were the words one of the messenger clones passed on to me. I was at my newly constructed home in Ponyville. I had another messenger send for the six ponies... “You’re going to war?!” All six exclaimed in unison. “Yes.” was all I could say. I had a bottle of cloned Jack Daniels sitting on my desk in my “office” it was a new bottle...but half empty already. “War...in a peaceful land...hell my troops love their assignments of the security details because they just get to move around and meet new ponies...no problems for them, no fighting...but now...damn...I was hoping it would just be a peacetime tour.” my tone was somber and slightly slurred as the booze started to kick in. I reached for an unfiltered Camel and lit it up. “My closest friends...please don’t worry about me, I’ll write when I can...but for now I say we make this night memorable.” I pulled another couple of bottles from under my desk, one being Vodka and the other being Jameson Whiskey. My head slightly hurt, thankfully I did have some water while I was drinking the night before or else this would be hell. I popped some Aspirin as I bounced along on the tailgate of a transport truck. I looked around at the mass of trucks and soldiers on foot...these were my men...but they were also me...I reached into my vest and pulled a single Lucky Strike and lit it...a long drag and a mumbled prayer. “Let this be over soon.”
Chapter 1: Wrong place, Wrong time.From the Sands to the Skies A first-person, MLP FiM HiE fan fiction. By Mr_Hollow Sand and blood, that’s all I can really remember. Whose blood, that’s hard to say; I mean I know for a fact that I wasn’t alone, pushing into that god-forsaken city. My name is Hazen Rickett, I was a soldier in the United States Army and I was part of a joint invasion force to take over a major city in Iraq. It was the D-Day of my generation, pushing head-first into a heavily fortified stronghold of insurgents, the bastards who attacked the United States to try to prove how big of a John they really had. We were the response, a blind rush to act as a strict kick to the groin to basically say “Hey, put that shit away assholes!” I was nervous, we all were, the young guys who enlisted into the military as a career choice; we always fantasized about what it would be like to see combat, the glory and the action...it’s a typical thing among young guys, though when combat finally came knocking our fantasies were soon crushed. Anyways, we were pushing into the city...at this point I forgot the name of the hell hole. I was running towards a building to use as cover as the rounds of (what I believed to be) an AK of sorts whizzed by. I began to trip up and stumbled towards my cover, slamming into the wall with a grunt. I raised my trusty M16A4 and leaned around the corner, putting a burst of fire towards the line of fire that was directed at me. I was focused on myself and only myself at this point, putting ammo down range towards the bastards who were doing exactly what I was doing, shooting to kill. I was sat in that spot for a solid 20 minutes or so, dodging fire and returning it; I’d racked up about five kills and I wasn’t proud of that. I was fighting to survive, glory being the farthest thing from my mind. I was about to lean around the corner again when I heard a loud whistle from afar then I felt an explosion rock the building I was against. What happened next is where things get fuzzy, I felt an impact on my head then all went black. When I came to I was laid out on my back, distant gunshots were all I could hear. I looked around to get a bearing of my situation; I had no idea where I was in relation to my previous position, but I could see the city. I patted myself down for wounds,my hands and arms were lightly coated in blood, but thankfully there were no wounds which struck me as odd. Another thing to note is that my rifle was gone and so was the standard knife that all of us grunts carried. I rose to my feet, slowly and drew my sidearm. My radio was damaged, the screen had a hole about the size of a dime going into it, but not completely through, which was odd, maybe my radio saved my life? I didn’t know, or care. I was alive and I was making my way back to the city. Upon re-entry I noticed that gunfire died down. Then a low kind of 'THUD' then nothing... until I heard loud explosion about twenty feet from me, and a large white plume of smoke began to form...then another on my opposite side and yet another, I fumbled for the gas mask on my belt, only to feel it was missing and just as I came to that conclusion I was enveloped in the smoke. White Phosphorus is handy when it comes to making smoke screens, I’ll tell you that much, but when you coat an entire city, head to toe in the shit, that’s just evil. White Phosphorus burns extremely hot and will burn you alive if you’re in the impact zone of a WP shell, but if you’re just outside that range the smoke is highly toxic and can kill if under prolonged exposure. All I saw was white, then black as I lost consciousness. When I awoke I was being dragged, I sighed thinking that maybe I had been spotted by a medic wearing a mask, but then something that wasn’t right caught my attention. I was being dragged between lines of trees...a forest? I looked around and sure enough I was being dragged through a forest...a pastel colored forest...”Ugh...what the fuck?” I half groaned, half said. No sooner than I said anything I felt the grip of whatever was dragging me loosen and let go of my collar. “Oh my gosh! You’re awake!” Huh, a woman’s voice? No, a young woman... with an American sounding accent, maybe Canadian? I half sat-up, and turned to get a glimpse of my savior but what confused me was the sight of a small purple equine figure, trotting around me. I was about to look around to see if I could find the source of the female voice, but then I saw the creature before me open it’s mouth. “So you can talk and you can speak Equestrian! That’s grand!” It spoke! "What the fuck?!” I rolled over onto my gut and started to scramble off in a panic, but felt a gentle warmth cover my body, then I was lifted off the ground, I was surrounded in a lavender colored aura and was levitating. “Huh, is that all you can say? ‘What the fuck’ was it?” it said. “This isn’t happening...this has to be some sort of fucked up dream...I just need to wake up. Goddess, please let me be dreaming.” I began pleading for anyone to wake me up, even the goddess I praised. I was and have always been Wiccan. I’m not one of those “edgy” kids who was trying to break the mold, I believed in the ways and felt that this faith was correct, and now I was hoping that pleading for my goddess would save me from whatever hell I was going through. “What’s your name?” The purple unicorn asked. She magically levitated me back to her home...a library, building into a large tree and managed to talk me down, though I didn’t stop pinching myself to see if I would wake up. “I’m Hazen...uh...I mean...P-Private First Class Rickett. United States Army.” I stammered. I acted as if I had been captured and was being interrogated by the freaking enemy. “So you’re a soldier?” She inquired, using her magic to lift my arms and examine them. In another aura she had a notepad and a pencil, the pencil was writing away on it’s own at an extraordinary rate. “Yes...I was on a combat mission...I don’t remember a whole lot about it.” I said with a slight tone of annoyance. “Could you please stop doing that?” She dropped my limbs immediately and looked up. “Sorry, but you’re the first...whatever you are that I’ve seen or heard of, none of my books have anything that resemble you!” She said, excitement mixed with being apologetic, odd mixture. “Really? You’ve never heard of a human?” I choked out, I’m not in Kansas anymore, is really all I could think to sum it up nicely. Another universe? Alternate reality? Possible future of earth? All these possibilities were taking over my mind, while I just stared at the purple unicorn sat in front of me, her lips moving but I couldn’t hear what she’s saying. I shook off my thoughts. “Sorry, what? I got a little lost in my mind for a second there.” I said apologetically, since I never liked to absent mindedly ignore someone, not since Basic Training, at least. “I said, my name is Twilight Sparkle and we’re in a small town called Ponyville, a couple hours from the Equestrian capital of Canterlot...well by train at least.” Trains, huh? I thought the village looked a little...outdated by what I was used to but at least theres some technology that is handy. “Well that’s certainly good to know, thank you.” I smiled as warmly as a confused, scared, alien to this world could and she returned an even warmer smile. “You’re very welcome...but for now can we go through some questions? I’ll ask you one, you answer then you do the same for me?” The gauntlet of questions was just awful. She had so many questions for me that I ended up running out of actual questions about a quarter of a way through her inquisition! It started out fairly simple, what were humans like? How did our societies work? What was our diet like? That last one nearly caused her to have an aneurysm, at least until I explained that humans were basically the evolved cousins of monkeys, then she seemed less....”on edge” as I’ll put it. “Well I do admit, the meat part of the diet maybe a bit difficult to work with, seeing as ponies like myself are herbivores....well aside from the daring ones...or the cannibals out West...” She was about to start rambling until I literally snapped her out of it. “That doesn’t really matter, as long as I can get a steady amount of proteins I should be fine, but I’m no expert on these things, really.” I did worry, though...no meat...NO STEAK! FUCK, WHAT AM I GONNA DO?! “Quick question, Twilight...do all four legged creatures talk here?” She thought for a moment then shrugged. “The Cows talk, Buffalo talk and Griffons talk, Minotaurs talk and Diamond Dogs talk.” The list she rattled off was reassuring, yet concerning... “Griffons and Minotaur exist here?” I said, my jaw nearly hitting the floor. "Yes, we have plenty of varieties of creatures, civilized and savage; domestic and wild.” She sounded like she was advertising the universe to me...I snickered at the though of the “Land of Equestria Vacation paradise commercial” with her voice over. She looked at me puzzled and I explained it all, what television was and advertisements through TV, and she actually giggled at the thought. “That would be silly, wouldn’t it?” I had to say, she was indeed one of the nicest peo-...sentient beings I’d met in a very long time and I enjoyed talking to her. After the bridge from question time to friendly conversation she had what I called a “lightbulb moment”, when someone remembers something they meant to do or say or ask or whatever. “About your clothing, is that the armor your world’s military uses?” I was wearing the standard issue DCUs or Desert Combat Uniform, it consisted of three colors dark brown, mint green and beige in a traditional camo scheme, I looked myself over, I was dusty, dirty and my uniform had burn holes in it...I sighed going back to that last horrible second before the cloud of White Phosphorus enveloped me...did I die? If I didn’t how the hell did I survive? Then my mind went to the event itself...why did we barrage the place in WP? We didn’t have any need to mask our movements with smoke, we would’ve done that before moving into the Area of Operations...it had to have been an offensive strike which was highly illegal under the Geneva Conventions. It was depressing to think that I may have died because we were fighting a losing battle that we had to cheat just to win. Again I sighed and looked up to Twilight. “Well my country uses this specific pattern of camouflage for the branch of the military I’m in, but all branches have different uniforms and camouflage patterns. Also, this isn’t really armor, but just a thick but breathable material. The real body armor is in the vest I’m wearing and the helmet I’m wearing.” I said, pointing to but not actually touching said armored pieces. “But, you’re not wearing a helmet.” Twilight replied. I patted my head to make sure and sure enough my helmet was gone. “Was I wearing it when you found me?” I asked her and she shook her head no. “Well damn, I was hoping that would’ve made it.” I shrugged. “Oh well, it does feel nice to go soft-top.” She gave me a confused look and I sighed. “Sorry, it’s a term me and a few of my friends in the Army used when we were not wearing helmets.” I chuckled, thinking back to a few other bits of jargon we used...not appropriate, especially if I say anything about that dirty barracks rat that Jon kept seeing...now I’m rambling...Twilight eventually put the pieces together and then smiled. “So when you’re wearing a helmet you’re going hard-top, right?” I nodded and she clapped her hooves together with joy. “Twilight, I heard a voice, do we have company?”No longer than she did that I heard a voice from upstairs, it sounded like a young boy, probably 10-ish years old. The owner of the voice, a very short purple and green reptilian creature, rubbing one of it’s eyes came down just enough to where I could get a good glimpse of him. He stopped dead in his tracks once he saw me. He was visibly shaking, but besides that he barely moved, I couldn’t even tell if he was breathing. Twilight trotted over to him and did all the cartoonish ways to snap him out of his trance. Sighing I walked over to him and grabbed him by his little shoulders; I shook the hell out of him. After a bit of the treatment he finally came to, thankfully I didn’t have to slap him. “AH! MONSTER!” he yelled, then proceeded to belch, which combusted into fire mere inches from my face. “Holy shit!” I exclaimed, releasing the know identified dragon and stumbling back a couple of steps. No Spike! It’s okay! He’s friendly!” Twilight cried. “So you’re a soldier from a place that may be in a different universe from a species that nopony has ever heard of?” The baby dragon asked, his tone suspicious. “Yes, basically; and I doubt that ANYBODY would know what I could do to get home.” I emphasized the ‘anybody’, as you can probably tell that it didn’t go over well with the two of them. “Why do you say ‘anybody’?” They both asked almost in sync. “Because that’s what my world says, and it makes sense to, since I’m not a pony and neither is Spike.” They both seemed to take this thought in for a moment before shrugging. “I guess so.” said Twilight and with this Spike nodded in agreement. “So, Twilight what do you think we should do with him?” Spike eyed me, again suspicious of my intentions. “Well maybe we should tell Princess Celestia?” Twilight said nodding to Spike who then against all logic that I can understand pulled a scroll and a quill from behind him. Twilight began her letter... “Dear Princess Celestia, I have come across an odd creature in the Everfree Forest just outside of ponyville. It was alive but unconscious. I began dragging it back to my home in Ponyville when it awoke, and while it is a sentient creature, showed the primal instinct of fear when it came across another unfamiliar sentient being. We have been talking and so far from what I’ve gathered is a male of the species Homo Sapien, or Human as he put it. He is very friendly and I’m sure he would like to meet you.” - Your Faithful Student, Twilight Sparkle. The letter was sent off in a puff of Spike’s firebreath...interesting way of sending mail, I suppose. “Well now I suppose we wait...mind if I smoke?” I said, reaching into my pocket for my trust pack of Cigarettes. {End of Chapter 1}
Chapter 2: Hit the Ground Running“The popularity of smoking has taken a slight dent in my world since the link between cigarette smoking and lung cancer was publicized and plenty of concerned individuals have run campaigns against cigarette companies.” A good body of smoke came from my mouth as I started that sentence. I smoked since I was 16 and by god if I didn’t waste so much of my pay now on my habit. I always got a nice ass-chewing from my superiors, but I tended to brush them off. I mean they were right, the damned things were gonna kill me in the long run, but hell they took the edge off and that’s why I always had a pack on hand when I could. I packed my cigarettes tight just out of habit, I grew up in Boston, Massachusetts where I would typically run into a fair amount of wind or rain and the tight packing, while making taking a drag a bit tougher made sure I didn’t have to re-light. “So people use machines to make cigarettes?” Twilight asked, magically levitating a small jar over to where I was, just as I had asked. “The cigarettes here are all packed using magic...well that and we don’t add any chemicals. I don’t smoke, though.” Huh, so I can keep smoking while I’m here...awesome! “Well good on you, Twilight and thanks for the jar, I really don’t want to make a mess of the floor...though I could’ve just stepped outside...” “It’s alright, Hazen; l’m fairly used to smoke, though it’s mostly just the magic scrolls, they still leave that odor. I never thought I would need an ashtray, since I have few visitors who actually do smoke...” She replied while I held the cigarette between my index and middle fingers on my left hand and reached over to pet the baby dragon with my right hand. My attempt at petting the creature was denied, as right before my hand came into contact with the green scales on his head Spike backed off. “Nu-uh. I’m not a dog.” Spike said, sounding fairly annoyed. “Sorry, little dude.” I replied, withdrawing my hand back to the rather SMALL chair I had been sitting in. I finished my cigarette fairly quickly and I dropped the butt into the ash jar, but just as I was about light another but then Spike’s cheeks puffed up and he belched up a flame that nearly singed my eyebrows. It was a scroll, a reply from the princess. Spike cleared his throat and in an attempted announcer voice he read “My dearest Twilight, while this is indeed of importance I am far too busy to pay a visit at this moment to see this creature of which you mentioned. I will inform you of my arrival in advance. Your Teacher, Princess Celestia.” “Darn, looks like Princess Celestia has things to take care of.” Twilight sighed. “Well she is your country’s royal sovereign so she is bound to have duties to take care of.” I said...well partially muttered as I was putting another cigarette between my lips. I sat there, fairly calm and enjoying the slight nicotine high, my mind began to wander. Why hadn’t I followed the standard protocol when I first met Twilight? I should know better, I mean so far so good but what if their leader treats me differently? I shook these thoughts away and replaced them with my theories of the world I was in. I went through all possible scenarios, from my aforementioned Alternate universe and future of earth theories, to a possible pocket hidden away from earth in one of those dark zones people who go to never return from. I was subconsciously taking drags from my cigarette, as I usually did when I was deep in thought, then I noticed that Twilight was speaking. “Sorry, Twilight, I keep drifting off into my own mind...I’m still trying to get a grasp of this place... I mean this is no where like where I was before you found me.” I said sounding slightly dejected, and she looked at me with the deepest expression of concern. Then I told her my tale, of the city and the firefight...I explained guns and how they worked and then about White Phosphorous and of what ended up happening to me in the end before I woke up. “I just don’t understand what would bring me to a place like this.” What I thought would be a slight tone of melancholy was actually quite overwhelming. I was certain now that maybe I was in a form of afterlife seeing as I shouldn’t have been able to survive the cloud of WP. The Purple unicorn, who seemed to feel sorry for me came over to me and wrapped a leg around me and gave me a light hug, which partially caught me off guard, I didn’t return the hug but I certainly did feel better. “Well I’m very sorry you’ve been through so much...” Twilight started to speak, but I cut her off. “It’s okay, it’s my job...I fight and if I die, I die for my country...that’s what I signed up for, after all.” I said, a smile upon my face. I enlisted on July 20th, 2000. I went through basic training and graduated eight weeks later. I enlisted for a few reasons, I felt patriotic enough to enlist so I suppose that is reason number one, though I never felt that I had real qualifications for a civilian job, I just felt drawn to the military to help me find out what I was good at. Then comes the final reason, my family has lineage in the military. My father was a grunt and so was his and so on...though the one man in my family that changed my view of it all was my uncle who fought in Vietnam. He was a tunnel rat, a crazy S.O.B by pretty much all standards, but he was a cool guy. He told me this “You see boy, when you’re a soldier you have to remember a couple of things; first, you’re superiors have your name and your ass, don’t piss them off. Second, when you get out there and you’re fighting, you’re fighting for your country...your friends, your family...those suits in Washington who decide who you’re fighting...no matter how you feel about some of the people you’re gonna fight for all of the people.” He was right. “I asked you if you would like to meet my friends.” Twilight’s words managed to shake me from my thoughts this time. “Eh...would that be a problem to the rest of the town?” I wasn’t ready to start a panic in a strange land I knew so little about, hell I wasn’t even armed...was I? I patted myself down and felt the familiar bulk of my pistol, right where it should be. Stupid! Stupid! Stupid! I’ve been shitting on protocol since I got here! Twilight opened her mouth to reply but I cut her off again. “Twilight, I’m going to take a gun from my belt, I’m only checking it.” Her expression changed to a mixture of curiosity and excitement, she nodded. I unfastened the strap and pulled the pistol from it’s holster. Twilight leaned closer with extreme interest. “So that’s a gun? What is that made of? Can we disassemble it?...” She had more questions than I noted, but I feel I had to cut down for the sake of saving ink. After a long examination of my side-arm and a long discussion, Twilight finally decided it was time to venture out and see her friends. We went to meet her friend Rarity first, apparently she was the most fashion savvy woma- ... mare in town; she had her own boutique and as Twilight put it “Makes the highest quality clothes in all of Equestria.” As we were walking over, the thought popped into my head. I reached into my pocket and pulled out the small leather square that was my wallet, and from the wallet I took a small photograph of me and my girlfriend, her in an elegant black dress and I was wearing my Green Class A uniform and beret, a few ribbons on my coat, my name tag and the usual. I was going to see if maybe, just maybe I could have Rarity re-make my uniform, so that I may be presentable when I was to meet the Princesses. Twilight gave me a light nudge on the arm. “Deep in thought again?” I nodded. “A couple things are on my mind...I’m still a bit worried about causing a stir in the town.” She pointed her foreleg around, showing that some of the other ponies didn’t even look in my direction, and even the ones who did didn’t look twice. We arrived and I have to say the design of the building was an...interesting concept; the building itself resembled a carousel, painted purple with yellow accenting it. Twilight gently shoved the door to the boutique open; which revealed the small reception-type area, most likely where she would take orders; Twilight motioned toward a rather comfy looking, lavender colored sofa, on which I took a seat; it was indeed the most comfortable seat I’ve sat in, since deployment. Twilight vanished into the back of the store, calling for Rarity while I sat there taking in the atmosphere. The room smelled as if it was perfumed, yet it had a subtle undertone of a smell of creativity mixed with hard work and ambition. Besides the smell, it was a bright room; both the amount of light inside and the colors that filled the room made it very comfortable, those shades of a deepish pink color with yellows and purples indeed reminded me that this building belonged to a lady. “Well hello, welcome to Carousel (called it.) boutique!” The new voice was very pleasant, it was what I would expect a sophisticated female to sound like, clear with a touch of what sounded like a proper English accent. I looked up to see the source of the voice and my eyes took hold of a beautiful white unicorn mare with a deep purple mane and tane, both were curled. “Hello there, Ms. Rarity.” I greeted her pleasantly, which seemed to catch her surprise...did she think of me as a savage? I could understand why, I was covered in dirt and blood. She looked me over, acting as if she was inspecting some of her designs. I could feel her stare and with that I stood up, and walked over to her; “If I may say, this shop is quite lovely...though the designs aren’t really in my taste...or form for that matter.” I smiled at her, only to have it returned but hesitantly. “Well, well, well...looks are deceiving, with the state of your..’clothes’(She said it sounding mostly like they weren’t really clothes)...and the dirt and Oh my, that dreadful blood in your hair! We certainly must clean that!” I chuckled and was about to tell her that I was fine, but I was dragged away by that familiar feeling of unicorn magic. “And I must make you some new clothes! I cannot...CANNOT...let you wander around in those rags!” She was certainly generous...though it was a little...overwhelming. “Actually, I had an idea about that...but I don’t know how I could pay for such a task.” I said as she was scrubbing the blood from my hair with some very fragrant soap. “And Rarity, these “rags” are the uniform of my country’s military. Please treat it with respect.” I partially said, partially snapped. I noticed that she was fairly hesitant to continue conversation. “I-I’m sorry, I didn’t mean any disrespect.” She sounded very...guilty? I realized that I must’ve sounded very harsh. “No, no. I didn’t mean to snap like I did, It’s just what I was used to back home, I had a few instances of disrespect towards me personally and towards the military.” I was very apologetic, I didn’t mean to make her feel bad; especially since she didn’t know. “Really? I don’t understand why anypony would disrespect those who protect them.” She sounded quite surprised. I nodded and spoke “It’s just because of the day and age my world is in I guess.” With that settled she continued to clean the blood from my head. “Oh! That looks simply divine, Hazen dear! May I hold on to this picture for reference?” Rarity was “holding” the picture in front of her with her magic. “Of course...just make sure it gets back to me later.” She smiled and nodded. “Goodbye, Ms.Rarity; thank you.” I stepped out of the boutique wearing a new black wool pea-coat, custom tailored which included a little pocket on the inside of the coat for my cigarettes, new grey pants...the material I’m not really sure of... a black belt, a comfortably fitted white T-shirt (much to her objection, she wanted to make me a dress shirt) all along with my boots, cleaned to the point where they looked almost brand new...oh and a bag with my BDU’s (which she did the best she could to clean them.) Twilight trailed behind me for a moment before turning back and snapping at Spike about dilly-dallying. He (adorably) toddled back to us with his head practically cemented in the direction of the boutique. I stopped for a moment and flanked around to catch a look at the baby dragon’s face. He was obviously love struck. “Oh boy...” I muttered as I caught back up with Twilight. She looked back at her assistant and giggled. “You noticed?” She said then giggled again. “Are you kidding, a blind man could’ve noticed.” I said before chuckling myself. “Whaaaat?” the baby dragon whined and I chuckled again. “You’re just so adorable with your crush on Rarity.” I stuck my tongue out at him playfully and he frowned. “Sorry, buddy I was just teasing.” I felt bad that I had potentially insulted the baby dragon. “It’s alright, Hazen...I just wish she would return my feelings.” Spike sounded fairly somber at this point and as if it was my little cousin of ten years old, I picked him up and hugged him. “Hey, everyone has their chances in life and love; if she doesn’t work out you’ll find someone, but you need to step up...observing from a distance and hoping for them to come to you doesn’t always work out.” I patted him on the head, and set him down; he was smiling. “Thanks for the advice.” said Spike. Our journey took us to a farm, a large plot with apple trees for acres and acres in each direction. Twilight and I were discussing the history of earth as well as I knew it. She was very interested in the industrial revolution periods of England and the United States and then very saddened at the events of the Second World War. I was about to bring her up to the modern times but I was beaned in the head with an apple. “GOTCHA!” a female voice exclaimed, I rubbed the back of my head with a groan. Twilight and Spike started to crack up with laughter. “AJ, come out!” Twilight called once she’d wiped the laugh-induced tears from her eyes. “Whut in tarnation is that thing?!” an orange mare called. She had a blonde mane covered by a light brown stetson hat as well as a blonde tail and green eyes and a fair southern drawl. “My name is Hazen Rickett and I’m a human.” I replied to the country pony. “And whut are ya’ll doin’ here?” She asked fairly suspiciously only to be reconciled by a quick, but detailed explanation of everything I had told her. “So you’re a soldier from a differ’nt world?” the pony asked me and looked me over once, then twice. “Ya’ll don’t very...soldiery...” I replied with a light chuckle. “Well I had met Ms. Rarity earlier and she made me some new clothes...every soldier has to have a civilian side, right?” She smiled, apparently satisfied with my answer. “Well ahm, Applejack, AJ to my friends, sorry about earlier.” She held out her hoof, I took it and shook it. “Well I understand, seeing an odd creature, let alone anyone unfamiliar on your property is fair enough for such action...though I could think of something a sight better than apples for that.” She gave me a look of “Well I’m waiting, what is it?” I waved the thought away. “Well besides my thought, I have to say that was a damn good toss, I certainly felt that apple.” She smirked. “Well ahm am one of those farm-mares no one wants ta go tusslin’ with!” I laughed heartily. “Well that’s for sure.” “Ya’ll are welcome here anytime! Don’t be a stranger, ya hear?” Applejack yelled as Twilight, Spike and I walked down the dirt road. I smiled and waved back to her as we left. “Well she’s certainly a friendly one.” I said walking along, I put my hands in my pockets, my smile wide. The walk back towards ponyville was a quiet and comfortable one. I reached into my coat for my cigarettes but...I didn’t feel the urge for once. “Huh, that’s odd.” I said to myself outloud. “What?” Twilight and Spike said at the same time. “I don’t feel like I need a cigarette right now...that’s sort of odd for me.” They both shrugged. “Well I guess it’s maybe because I feel at ease for once...l dunno...even when I wasn’t enlisted I smoked out of boredom...when I was stressed...hell...I smoked for damn near any reason I could.” This was true, since I started smoking I found it to be my go to curb the edge of a situation. We headed back into Ponyville and towards a rather interesting looking store, the roof looked as if it was a gingerbread house with frosting along the edges of the roof, with a small addition through the roof that was decorated to look like a pair of cupcakes...speaking of which the shop’s sign was simply a cupcake. “A bakery? We gettin’ lunch?” I asked aloud for either of my companions to answer. “Well if you’d like to, but actually one of my friends works here.” Twilight replied as she magically opened the door and held it open for me. “Thank you, Twilight.” I stepped through and just out of the doorway, reaching back to hold the door open for my companions. As they entered I felt a sudden weight slam against me and knock me to the floor, by instinct I reached for my sidearm, bringing it up into the face of a giggling pink pony. “HIHIHIHIHIIHIHIHIHIHIIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHI!” she said “I’mPinkiePie!Whatareyou,whatisthat?Oh!HelloTwilight!” She turned and launched herself off of me and toward Twilight, only to be stopped by a magical field trapping her mid-air. “Aw, you’re no fun, Twi.” Pinkie said with a faux disappointed tone...only for the act to be killed by her giggling. Twilight dropped the field and she came back to me as I was rising to my feet, I put my sidearm away and was rubbing the back of my head. “Ow...” I mumbled. She then appeared hanging upside down in front of me, looking at me with a wide smile...the sudden breaking of physics and science proceeded to escalate my headache. “Uh my name is Hazen and uh...how in the hell do you do that?” I asked the beaming pink pony. “She’s just Pinkie Pie, it’s easier to think of it that way.” Twilight said. “She’s one of my friends and Ponyville’s finest baker and party animal.” Pinkie proceeded to shake her head up and down so fast all I saw was a pink blur and I swear to any and all gods that I heard a cow bell being struck as she did so...what is this a damned cartoon? So...there was no lunch, but hell I didn’t care, I didn’t have any money to buy food and I sure as hell wasn’t gonna have Twilight pick up my lunch, no matter how many times she insisted I held firm. “So where to next?” I asked, lighting a cigarette....I didn’t need it until my run in with Pinkie Pie, she broke physics for fucks sake, I felt like I got mind fucked and what goes good after getting fucked? A cigarette, that’s what. I laughed at my own stupid joke to get an odd look from the purple pony and the baby dragon. “Uh...we’re going to see Fluttershy over by the forest...you okay?” Twilight asked, sounding genuinely concerned. I explained I remembered a funny joke that the two probably wouldn’t get and left it at that. We arrived at the small cottage, which sort of resembled a tree with a roof covered or made of leaves. There were birdhouses all over the place, with many birds flying in and out of them, many species I recognized and some I didn’t. Twilight approached the door and gave it a knock as I dropped my cigarette butt in a little glass container that had some cigarette butts in it already. “So...is she a smoker?” I asked Twilight, as we waited. “Not really, but Angel her little bunny has been going through a phase and has been smoking plenty.” She replied. Okay, that’s fuckin’ weird...a rabbit...smoking...then again the fact there are sentient talking horses who also smoke...eh fuck logic. As I finished my internal monologue the door opened up just a crack. “Oh...hello Twilight, hello Spike.” A very soft voice said. The door opened further, then an “EEP!” was heard...then the door slammed and pretty damn hard too. “Fluttershy, it’s okay! He’s friendly!” Twilight called as she banged on the door yet again. I moved towards the door, then something heavy and hard hit my head...again and everything went black. I found myself in an alley way back in Iraq, it was hazy...I saw one of my squadmates laying down fire around the corner, but I couldn’t hear anything but this loud ringing in my ears, I tried to talk, but couldn’t hear what I was saying...he turned and looked at me and started to shout, but again the loud ringing was dominant. He started to turn back to where he was shooting before, but a round impacted his head and he went limp. I awoke with a start, my head was bandaged. I looked around the room, it was a very cozy little living room in which I appeared to be just tossed onto the sofa. “Ah...my fuckin’ head.” I said, rubbing the sore spot. A little bunny hopped into the room with a lit cigarette in his mouth, he hopped over to me. I looked at him inquisitively and he made the gesture of a lighter with his paws. “Need a light?” I asked, he nodded. I reached into my coat pocket for the little red disposable lighter I had and flicked it to life. The rabbit hopped over and extended his cigarette towards the flame, taking a drag and exhaling the smoke. He gave me a rock on sign and hopped away, only to be passed by a yellow pony with a pink mane. “Oh! You’re awake! I’m so so sorry about that, Angel thought you were a monster and dropped a big rock on your head.” The pony explained. “Wait...the bunny that went by with a cigarette.” I asked, she nodded. “Dammit...he just bummed a light off me...little bast- jerk.” I didn’t want to insult her friend..or pet or whatever. “You’re Fluttershy, right?” I inquired as I sat up. “Y-yes...Twilight and Spike went to get some pain relievers and some more gauze since I used the last of mine on your head.” She replied, bowing her head, she has suddenly become shy on me...and by god it was adorable! “Well thank you, Fluttershy. My name is Hazen Rickett. I smiled at her, hoping to coax her to do the same...she lightened up a bit but not a lot. After a short discussion about my world, humans and the animals of earth she had finally loosened up to a level that I didn’t feel like I was talking with a turtle in it’s shell. The door swung open and in stepped in Twilight and Spike with a small vial of pills, a package of gauze and two packs of “Unfiltered Saddle Arabian” cigarettes. Angel hopped up and took the packs of cigarettes and hopped over to Fluttershy. “Oh Angel...you need one?” The bunny nodded and Fluttershy opened one of the soft packs and pulled out a cigarette. She gave it to the rabbit who then hopped over to me, I took my lighter and lit his cigarette again then a thought came into my head. “Uh...could I see one of those?” I asked Angel, he nodded. Fluttershy handed over the open soft pack and I took one out and looked it over, it smelled just like an unfiltered Camel. I exhaled a fair cloud of smoke, riding out a nice little head rush from the smoke...it was like Camel and American Spirit merged and made a damned fine Organic foreign cigarette, clean and flavorful. To be fair, I gave Angel one of my cigarettes, though I hoped he wouldn’t mind since it was a processed brand. He finished his Saddle Arabian and put the Marlboro Red in it’s place. I lit it and he seemed to enjoy it. I left without the bandages, seeing as Flutters had just wrapped my head out of habit. We were off to try to find Twilight’s other friend who as she put it “Could be anywhere she can stroke her ego.” I saw a cyan blur with a rainbow trail behind it traveling quite fast across the sky. I pointed out to Twilight who turned off in the direction of said blur and began to run, Spike bobbing up and down on her back, holding on for dear life. I followed the two across town and into a small clearing. It wasn’t a long jog, but it was refreshing compared to the sprinting I had done back in the sand... A cyan pegasus pony with a rainbow mane and rainbow tail was stood in front of Twilight, and they were talking, Twilight pointed towards me with her hoof. Rainbow bolted towards me and flew all around me looking me over carefully. “Uh...hi.” I said, following her around her orbit. “Can you fly?” the cyan pegasus asked me once she landed in front of me. “Not without a vehicle, sorry.” I said and she seemed quite disappointed. “Darn, I was hoping for some competition...” She shrugged “Eh, don’t worry about it dude...name’s Rainbow Dash.” Competition, more like someone else to smoke...shit she was going pretty fucking fast a minute ago. “Good to meet ya, I’m Hazen Rickette, just call me Hazen.” I said extending my hand, she put her hoof forward and we shook. “Well if you want some competition in something besides flying, I could give it a go.” I said jokingly, her smile went wide. “Really?!” I nodded and she looked ready to list off possibly every possible competition we could have, but Twilight stepped in and explained that we were busy...which was true, gotta get living arrangements settled. We returned to Twilight’s library and discussed the issue over tea and dandelion sandwiches. “Well you could stay here, as cramped as it might be.” Twilight said levitating her cup to her lips and sipping at the tea. “I wouldn’t want to impose, I mean...” I started but she cut me off. “I insist, I cannot leave you out on the street or in the woods, that wouldn’t be right!” Well, looks like I’m crashing here for a while... “Thanks Twilight, I will pay back this favor how ever I can.” The next few days were pretty uneventful, just hanging around and doing chores... turns out winter was coming soon, so I began chopping wood and piling it up beside the library. Chopping wood brought me back to when I would visit my grandmother in New Hampshire during the summers. It was taking a break, shirtless leaned up against the Library with an Saddle Arabian burning down between my lips when Twilight came out with a glass of water. “Ah, I got you on break, good. Here’s some water and thank you again, I can’t always have wood delivered during the winter.” She said levitating the glass into my waiting hand. “No, thank you for taking me in. This is the least I can do.” I took a large sip of the water, emptying half the glass in one pull. “Oh, by the way Princess Celestia sent a letter, she’ll send an escort to pick us up tomorrow afternoon.” I nodded. “Alright, I better go see if Rarity has my uniform ready, thank you Twi.” I petted her head, she smiled. I was off to see Rarity for my uniform and tomorrow I would meet the rulers of this land...to say I was nervous was a fucking understatement...
Chapter 3: Back in the SaddleI picked up the uniform along with custom shoes to match. Rarity did a damn fine job, it was practically identical to the one I had hung up back home, minus the few ribbons I had; but all in all she basically replicated the entirety of my uniform from the ranks to the beret that adorned my head the next day. I spent the few hours before bed pressing my uniform again and again, then shining my shoes, I had to be presentable...I had to be. I woke up early, before the sun rose and got myself squared away with a bowl of oatmeal, a nice glass of milk and my first cigarette of the day, just to make everything better. I sat up in the quiet library, reading various books to pass the time. Twilight had a little closet she didn’t use down stairs, so I hung the uniform in it and thankfully it stayed as straight as I felt was presentable. Twilight woke up pretty much as the sun did, just a few hours after I did and wasn’t surprised to see me up whatsoever. “Nervous, Hazen?” She asked with a yawn. “You have no buckin’ idea, Twi.” I replied. I got dressed in the uniform, it was surprisingly comfortable compared to the one back home...I suppose it being custom tailored for your hide will do that. I decided that I should stop kicking the shit of the protocol and act as I was taught to do and treat the Princesses as I would a friendly diplomat, polite, respectful and to speak only when spoken to...though my instincts told me to be cautious...so I tucked my pistol down my pant leg, just in case. Twilight and Spike stepped outside and I joined them in awaiting the escort. Once the chariot surrounded by armored Pegasi guards showed up I felt a touch uncomfortable and Twilight noticed the slight change in my demeanor. “Hey...it’s alright, there’s no more guards than if it was only Spike and I...relax.” I nodded, but this didn’t comfort me...these boys had spears and I wasn’t taking any chances. We stepped forward, Twilight said some words to the lead guard and he nodded to her. Without incident we all loaded up into the chariot with no problem...what happened next still gets me. The chariot began to fucking fly, like Santa’s sleigh out of a damn christmas special. “God dammit, I’m no airborne...” I mumbled under my breath. The flight was a short one, and we landed in front of a beautiful palace...the surrounding city was also beautiful, I had to assume this was Canterlot, the capitol that Twilight told me of days before. We stepped from the chariot and towards the palace gates. The soldiers on watch raised their spears and pointed them at me and me alone. I was ready to reach for my sidearm and inflict some high velocity lead poisoning on these guards, but a loud voice rung out from behind them. “GUARDS, I BID THEE STAND DOWN!” The source, was a midnight blue...alicorn? What the hell? The guards lowered their spears and snapped to attention Twilight moved ahead, but I stood my ground as the alicorn approached. “Princess Luna, it’s great to see you!” Twilight said to the Alicorn who smiled at her. “Tis good to see you as well, Twilight Sparkle. This is the creature thou mentioned in thine letter?” She said at a normal volume, and with Twilight continued down to meet me. I snapped to attention as she was roughly ten paces away, which caught the attention of the guards who had just held me at spear point. “Hmm...thou are a soldier?” she inquired looking me over. “Yes, ma’am. I am Private First Class Hazen Rickett of the United States Army.” I spoke loud and clear, avoiding shouting as was the first mistake I made at Basic Training, getting smoked for such a thing was not fun. She nodded “At ease, I am Princess Luna, ruler of the night who rules by the side of my sister, Celestia.” I relaxed just a bit, but didn’t get too comfortable seeing as I still had to meet Celestia, but I felt that my presentation helped my first impression with the princess of the night. Twilight, Spike and I continued into the palace in tow of Princess Luna, as we walked (me half marching just out of habit) examined the Princess further, the mark on her flank was a crescent moon and her mane was...well it looked like a foggy night sky, twinkling stars shrouded by a deep blue mane, her tail matched. She walked with very elegant steps, trained in or natural I don’t know. A black tiara adorned her head just above her horn. By any stretch she had a natural beauty that seemed to be enhanced by her regal stature. Twilight piped up and started a conversation with her, explaining my discovery and the last few days. I didn’t say a word, speak when spoken to...I was back in the formal soldier mode. We got to the throne room after a short walk. The high ceiling and wide interior of this room was quite awe inspiring...though the whole damn palace was awe inspiring, this room hit me the hardest for one reason or another. As we stood just before the throne I snapped back to attention, regardless of Princess Luna’s presence. The alicorn before me seemed to be the opposite of the Princess of the night, a bright white coat and rainbow mane that seemed to blow in a non existent breeze. “Princess Celestia, it is good to see you!” Twilight said, trotting up the god like figure before me. She was taller than her co-ruler as well, by half a foot at least. “It is good to see you too, my most faithful student.” She smiled warmly at Twilight and her attention turned to me, maintaining said smile. “And you must be the creature my student stumbled across.” Her voice was very soothing along with one of the warmest smiles I have ever seen in my life. “Yes, ma’am. I am Private First Class Hazen Rickett of the United States Army.” I said again, I kept my bearing no matter how badly I wanted to return her smile, it was almost contagious. “It is a pleasure to make your acquaintance, Private First Class...everypony, may we please have a moment to discuss PFC (Shortening it up for ink) Rickett’s situation?” In that instant the room cleared, Twilight, Spike and all the guards were gone and the only ones in the throne room were Princess Luna, Princess Celestia and I. “PFC Rickett...what is thine reason for being in our lands?” The princess of the night asked me. “I have no reason, to be honest ma’am...” I told them both my tale, from deployment to arriving at Twilight’s home. They both seemed uneasy at the details of the battle and the cause of the war, but stayed attentive. I explained human’s weapons of war...what humans were, the countries and the like. “From what you’ve told us, you’re very lucky to be alive.” Princess Celestia started...”But I need to know you’re not going to harm any of our little ponies.” I nodded and replied “I understand, ma’am. I have no intention of causing harm to any of your subjects without provocation, If I’m in danger I will act accordingly, but besides that I have no plans of causing unjust harm.” Both princesses seemed satisfied with my answer, but seemed to have something more in store for me. Princess Celestia began to speak and what she requested made my heart drop. “You’re going to have to work with the Equestrian military to earn proper citizenship?!” Twilight was floored. “Relax...I’m not a fan of this, but at least she’s giving me a few months to settle in and get prepared...she even gave me some bits so I could get a room here, so that I may report in tomorrow, since she has somethings to show me apparently...” I patted the bag of bits in my pocket. “It’s just like my deployment back home...” I sighed and reached into my pocket, taking a cigarette. Fuck it, I needed it. I got my room in a fairly nice hotel, a stone’s throw away from the palace. Twilight had Rainbow drop off some clothes, which I immediately changed into as I took a walk around Canterlot. It was a bustling city of classy elites...fuck I hated this place already. I got some food from a local market run by a griffon, which sold meats and cheeses. I left with a few steaks that the fellow was kind enough to cook for me, it didn’t cost much seeing as I had some extra after renting my room. I returned to my room and enjoyed one of the slabs of meat, it was excellent and I thanked my goddess for them. The rest of the night was spent me lighting up cigarette after cigarette until I finally fell asleep...I was pissed off and by god I was worried, what the hell would I be doing in the Equestrian military? Would the troops take to me or would I be alienated? I slept fairly lightly, and woke up just before 9:00, I ate another steak and got dressed in a finer set of clothes that Rarity had made the day before my departure to Canterlot. I left my BDU’s behind as they were practically ruined and I didn’t want to ruin them further. I went off towards the palace, with my sidearm tucked in my boot. “Today is going to be interesting.” I said to myself aloud. Apparently the Princesses had a stash of human technology, each piece arriving randomly...they had a research lab underneath the palace, where ponies were working 24/7 studying and trying to replicate the most useful of objects. Celestia lead me in and I was blown away immediately by the sheer amount of badassery that lay ahead. I immediately went over to investigate a pick up truck I had never seen before...it was Ford, but the style was unfamiliar to me. I was immediately asked by the princesses what it was. “Well this is a vehicle used by humans to get around fairly quickly...it can go hundreds of miles in a few hours depending on conditions and fuel consumption.” I looked around the cab, a few Alkaline Trio CDs among many others...but no keys. I reached up under the steering column and wrenched the underside open, revealing the wires. With a little folding knife I found in the glove box I cut a couple of wires and pressed them together. The engine revved to life. “Aha! Thank you dad!” My father taught me a few useful things growing up, hotwiring cars being one of them...bless his soul. I slid up into the driver’s seat....and looking around the engine’s roar drew the attention (and scared the shit out of) all the research ponies and the princesses alike. After returning to my hotel and grabbing everything I had brought, I loaded the bed of the truck up with a few of the heavier guns and tossed a tarp over it and tied it down. “Alright princesses so, besides taking these few goodies, what are my remaining objectives?” I lit up a cigarette I had taken from a World War II C-ration accessory pack...they were pristine, as if just delivered...Lucky Strikes...my grandfather smoked these during his time in Germany...another crazy S.O.B. in my lineage. “Well, Hazen your orders are to take these items to Ponyville and seek Pinkie Pie, she has discovered the Mirror Pond, it allows anypony to make a clone of themselves and through some research the elements have done on it, it can clone items as well...use this to your advantage, we have a specific assignment in mind for you, where this may prove useful.” Princess Celestia replied. “We’ll have shipments of the rest of the items in our research sent down that way as well as establishing a camp and making it restricted to only those who have our approval. You’re going to be in charge for now, seeing as you actually know what these items do. Any questions?” I thought about it. “No questions, but a suggestion...if you’re going to make a camp around this we are certainly going to need either a VERY large warehouse, or a series of decently sized ones...I’m certain that I’ll have to keep a steady supply of these trucks around...I have a few ideas.” I smirked, Technicals, we’re going to need technicals...and with one of the goodies loaded in the bed of the truck...this was going to be fun. It wasn’t a horribly long drive to Ponyville, I stayed on the coach roads which were practically abandoned. Driving through the remnants of old abandoned and nearly abandoned towns reminded me of the American Southwest when the railroad made its way through, killing off the towns that thrived off of wagoneers and their patronage. I dug through the CD’s and popped in a CD that I was not only familiar with but was one of my favorite albums... “When was it that you lost your youth or traded it for something more for them to use so jaded...” The second track began...I’d listened to the first track so much I just decided to skip it and get back to it later. I began to sing along. This was Alkaline Trio’s From Here to Infirmary, an album that had just come out this year. I loved my punk rock seeing as I grew up during it’s high point and Alkaline Trio was one of my favorite bands. The song I was listening to now, Mr. Chainsaw hit home for me, it was a song about growing up and facing the real world, tossing yourself away just so you could survive. “Everything that you could never say...it wouldn’t matter anyway, I took a hammer and two nails to my eardrums long ago...” The music made the drive much much easier...thank god for a working CD player. I pulled into Ponyville and of course everypony crowded around the truck, some terrified ones ran away while others stood around trying to figure out what it was. I hopped out and looked around at them all. “Citizens of Ponyville, there is no cause for alarm...this is merely a human vehicle and not some metal monster. Please, pay me and it no heed and return to your business.” I called out to the gathering crowd. They all began to disperse...oddly enough these ponies were fairly open minded. I was concerned I was going to have a lynch mob out for me at some point...ah whatever. I pulled it around to Twilight’s library and knocked on the door. “Oh Hazen, you’re back! Wait...what is that thing behind you?” Twilight was happy to see me, and that certainly made me happy. “That, Twilight is a pickup truck...” I explained the rest to her and what cargo I had in the bed...we decided that for the time being it would be best to keep it protected so that no one got hurt if they went snooping around. Her horn began to glow and a purple forefield surrounded the truck, effectively blocking from any unwelcome entry. I thanked her, then patted her head. “Well Twi, I hate to run off but I have orders...I need to go see Pinkie...maybe after all my work we could hangout? Have some tea or something?” It had only been a few days and I was already beginning to get more comfortable. “Sure, that sounds good!” Twilight replied. I waved good bye and began walking to Sugarcube Corner. Finding Pinkie was certainly no chore, she was usually here if not bouncing around the town and continuing to break physics... I explained my orders to her and after getting permission from Mr. and Mrs. Cake we went back to get the truck. I had Pinkie load up in the passenger’s seat and off we went, towards the forest. Thankfully there was something of a path, though it was rough...thank god for four wheel drive...it made beating through the forest much easier. Guards had already landed and began establishing a perimeter and many of them began setting up tents while construction crews coming in from the OTHER side began knocking down forest and setting up foundations for what appeared to be three large warehouses...all around the site there were tents being raised and what looked like watch towers being set up...good god I thought I had stepped back and been sent into ‘Nam. I pulled up to a few blockers with guards manning them. A brief conversation with a guard on site who would later do amazing things, he told me that they recognized that the “metal carriage” I was in was explained in their orders they didn’t bother double checking. We pulled in just at the entrance to the cave and disembarked. Pinkie showed me inside and explained everything that occurred in her little “episode” with the pond. After a few test runs I ended up with three packs of the Lucky Strikes...fuck yes. I undid the tie downs on the truck and set the tarp down beside the pool and began off loading the cargo...but not before rubbing my hands together manically. The first thing I set on the mat was a M240B light machine gun...belt fed 7.62mm killing machine...oh such a beast....such a beast... next to it I set down a pair of rifles, one Barrett M82 .50 cal Sniper rifle and a M40A3 7.62x51mm Sniper rifle. I set the M40 in the bed due the fact that there was no room in the back of the cab from all the other goodies I had packed...and hell with the rest of the shit that was going to be delievered we were going to have quite an armory. I carefully placed an M72 Law rocket launcher down on the tarp...damn thing was brand new...and last but not least...an M2 .50 cal belt fed death machine, not just because fuck you, but because fuck you and your cover. Before too long I had a tarp and a few small tables loaded with guns...oh it was beautiful! I took a list of inventory (including what was shipped down), which I’ll put down here, note: this list was written before copies were made 2x M16A4 5.56x46mm NATO 2x AKM 7.62x39mm 1x M14 7.62x51mm NATO 3x M1 Garand .30-06 Springfield 1x L96 .338 Lapua Magnum 5x Mosin Nagant 91/30 7.62x54r mm 1x M4A1 5.56x46mm NATO 2x Colt M1911 .45 ACP 1x Kimber Warrior .45 ACP 1x Thompson Sub Machinegun .45 ACP 1x PA-63 9x18mm 2x Beretta M9 9x19mm 1x DShKs 12.7x108mm 1x Mossberg 500 12 Gauge 1x Spas 12 12 Gauge Now, it seems odd I have to say, this random assortment of firearms ending up in a land that still uses spears, swords and the like... hell digging through the labs later on we stumbled across some radios, and helicopter parts, seriously...how in the blue fuck did this stuff end up here? Why does the old WW2 and older stuff seem brand new? Why did supplies end up here and no people? The questions were clouding my mind and I didn’t seem to notice a tug at my sleeve. “Hazen, what is all this stuff?” Pinkie asked looking specifically towards the guns. “Well Pinkie, these are firearms, they fire a lead projectile at high velocity when the primer (I took a round from my concealed M9 out for reference.) is struck by the firing pin. The firing pin hitting the primer causes a spark within the casing which is loaded with gunpowder, which is highly flammable, The gunpowder ignites and explodes causing the actual bullet which is this little tip to go flying.” I reloaded the round back into the magazine. Pinkie seemed even more confused...so I put it in a more simple sense. “When someone pulls this trigger, the weapon goes off and a piece of metal goes flying really fast and can seriously hurt, or kill.” This shocked her, but I patted her on the head. “It’s alright, I know it’s different and I know it’s not a nice thing...but these weapons have saved countless lives from evil...though evil has they’re own guns too.” After everything was set up we decided to try something...risky, though Pinkie said it was perfectly safe. I was lowered into the mirror pond and as expected a clone of myself came out with me. “Well then...cloning, this’ll be fun.” I said with a grin, the clone mirrored my grin. “Alright, so you should know the situation, we are gonna be part of the military...again. I need you to continue the cloning until we have a decent set up around here to keep arms, transport and supplies made.” The clone nodded but then asked “So...am I Hazen, or...” I cut him off. “You’re free to choose your own name, if you’d like.” The clone smiled, must be nice choosing your own nomenclature, I suppose. We had an extreme amount of clones at the end of the day, but it was good. Supplies were being “made” and once the supply crew was set, we had more clones made to help the construction crews outside, all while I just stood and watched...so this is what being an officer feels like...probably not. We mounted up cloned M2’s onto cloned Ford trucks, making technicals...it was nice having mobile platforms of death...if only we had tanks...damn. Rarity, being the generous mare she was designed many uniforms based off the ones I came in, sans burns and blood. We had winter gear, desert, woodland, urban...she even decided to make “fashion” camo like back home...pink and purple...ugh... The first month passed and the orders from the princesses changed from numbers, training the royal guard to eventually posting security around various towns, villages and security. By this point, we had such an efficient line of supplies that we managed to have surplus to sell. No guns for ponies or anyone else...didn’t want to have that shitstorm brewing because of us. Uniforms for ponies, cloned cigarettes, rations and music (yes we cloned music...because morale and stuff.) were what kept the clones paid... Oh and the clones took on their own personas to make things easier...I mean in a barracks full of clones if someone called “RICKETT!” how much of a pain in the ass would it be to figure out which one? One the arrival of the second month (I hung around Ponyville, mostly but did go to oversee operations) Twilight and her friends and I had become very close and on this particular day...well...I got new orders. “Oversee troop movements towards the Griffon Empire...we are war, sir.” Were the words one of the messenger clones passed on to me. I was at my newly constructed home in Ponyville. I had another messenger send for the six ponies... “You’re going to war?!” All six exclaimed in unison. “Yes.” was all I could say. I had a bottle of cloned Jack Daniels sitting on my desk in my “office” it was a new bottle...but half empty already. “War...in a peaceful land...hell my troops love their assignments of the security details because they just get to move around and meet new ponies...no problems for them, no fighting...but now...damn...I was hoping it would just be a peacetime tour.” my tone was somber and slightly slurred as the booze started to kick in. I reached for an unfiltered Camel and lit it up. “My closest friends...please don’t worry about me, I’ll write when I can...but for now I say we make this night memorable.” I pulled another couple of bottles from under my desk, one being Vodka and the other being Jameson Whiskey. My head slightly hurt, thankfully I did have some water while I was drinking the night before or else this would be hell. I popped some Aspirin as I bounced along on the tailgate of a transport truck. I looked around at the mass of trucks and soldiers on foot...these were my men...but they were also me...I reached into my vest and pulled a single Lucky Strike and lit it...a long drag and a mumbled prayer. “Let this be over soon.”
