Rainbow Dash Doesn't Present: Spoon Butt Tastes Bubblicious!

by ServingSpoon

Rating: teen
Tags: Comedy, Scootaloo, Random, Adventure, Diamond Tiara, Crossover, Sex, Princess Luna, Apple Bloom, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Alternate Universe, Romance, Silver Spoon
Length: 3487

When Silver Spoon fails to be enticed by Diamond's new talent for licking her own flank, DT goes on an epic Mentally Advanced Series of Quests to save the world from Agents of Chaos, Pinkie and Discord, while Silver seeks forbidden knowledge!

<- Canon Silver Spoon is NOT amused ;P

A short collab by two great authors making a very bad Diamond Tiara/ Silver Spoon (originally only implied ship) fic, one paragraph at a time!

Diamond Tiara has been trying to seduce Silver Spoonko every time the smart silver filly comes over to her mansion. Her latest tactic (believe it or else) is to demonstrate the dexterity of her tongue on her own flanks.

But when her new tactic fails to entice her target, Diamond Tiara is sent on an epic adventure that has her seeking revenge, justice, and romance, all in one very strange special episode of-

My Little Pony Mentally Advanced Series!

Will Diamond Tiara save the day? Will Silver Spoonko's quest for infinite knowledge lead her to be abducted by Crystal Aliens from another universe, or will your narrator just get pissing drunk and all moody and close the book before she finishes her story, allowing all those within to be trapped in literary limbo for all eternity!?

Time will tell.

Your Narrator: let me tell thee of theh days of HIGH ADVENTURE! (insert Conan The Barbarian Theme..) theh good one with Arnoldschwartzawutzitz init! because we bloody like Arnold, we does!

Original authors: Mattricole and Telaros
Editor and Publisher: Silver "Serving" Spoon
Published with ALL DUE respect and full permission.
Original Story here: Me and Telaros Make The Most Amazing Story Ever
!!WARNING!! if you have a problem with ponies licking their own plots, step away from the fic and like, no pony gets hurt!
Cover Art by Bakki

Published 2014-01-14 17:00:11 UTC
Last updated 2014-01-14 17:00:11 UTC

Bump, Bump, Should-I-Lick Rump?

Mattricole: "We decided to have a go at a collab. In this collab we took turns writing a paragraph, this is what happened :twilightsheepish:!"

“Like, Oh my god, Silver Spoon.. my flank is delicious!”

Diamond 'I'm a Barbie girl in a Barbie world!' Tiara Richie said one day out of the blue, swearing to a Christian deity she could have never heard of in the magical land of Unicorn farts and Pegasi dive bombings, known as

The United Stables of 'BUCK YEA' Equestria!

And hallelujah go tell it on the mountain! she was right, it was delicious!

“You've been training with Blossomforth again, I see.”

Sylvia Irena Spoonko, responded with a disinterested roll of her eyes as she continued doing her homework, the otherwise utterly useless, bespectacled, 'mud pony' (that's OUR word, you can't use that word!) sighed as she laid on her stomach, flipping through her text book with a bored hoof, in an attempt to expand her already BOUNDLESS cache of knowledge and chewing on the pencil in her mouth, ignoring Diamond’s obvious advances.. again.

“Hah! Shows what you know, I learned this from Applejack!” Diamond Tiara said, as her tongue grew huge and slobbered all over her flank, leaving her bootylicious bubblegum colored booty all slathered in her warm drool “Like you wish you had a tongue like mine!”

“Ugh, Diamond." Sylvia 'I vant to know all zhere is to know!' Spoonko, groaned in dismay "Do you have to be such a tease every time I come over?” Silver, as she is known to her ~~friends~~ friend, said, restraining a giggle with a lady like hoof pressed over her muzzle respectively.

“I’m not teasing, I just decided to show you my athleticism! Just you watch, one day ass licking will be an olympic sport," Diamond proclaimed, standing on her hind hooves, tall, over her associate as if she was up on a winner's pedestal "and I will be so famous that like, David Bowie will sign my tiara with his "Star Wars" Harryson Fiord autographed quill!” Diamond Tiara bragged, envisioning David Bowie in her mind. He was a man’s man. So manly that he like, couldn't even be PONIFIED in parody!

Thats the Power of the Bowie.

Talking about the Bowie..

who?

The Bowie with the power..

what?

Power of the Bowie!

“Well, from what I’ve seen,” Silver turns to Diamond, as she adjusts her glasses, “you’ll have quite the ways to go to catch up to my Cousin Pinkie Pie.” Silver said with a devious grin.

“Pinkie Pie?"

"PINKIE PIE?!”

Diamond Tiara roared as she got out her daddy's 'Home Secruity Policy', a double barrel shotgun. He was too cheep to spring for a pump action. "Why waste the bit$ on bullets?" Mr. Filthy 'I wish I was Bruce Wayne, because Alfred is so hawt!' Richie, would tell his daughter. "Two bullets will put a pretty sizable hole in a stallion's chest, same as five or six!" he was so cheep he didn't even buy 12 gauge bullets which was the caliber the rifle was built to fire.

“I’ll show her who has the greater David Bowie collection!” she yelled, referring to Pinkie Pie one last time as she grabs the box of 10 guage duck rounds, broke the barrel in half and poured all but two shells out on the living room floor. With her two rounds loosely rattling inside the chambers, she closes the breach with a flick of the barrel in her hoof and ran out the door, her father's penny pinching and her own lack of knowledge in firearms, rendering her shotgun effectively more useless than….uh….quick, who’s a useless pony in the show?

"BLU-BLOOD!" The Chosen Woon says out of nowhere to no pony, for not even the nonexistent pumpkin exists on the moon. "Absolutely NOTHING else!" she assures (Queen Chrysalis sings) #Those poor unfortunate foals!# who are reading this text at this very moment.

“I-I meant her tongue…” Silver sighs, realizing her target audience had already exited on her 'senseless and futile 'Ponisher' like quest of revenge, and stuff. Being curious, Silver Spoonko, decides to have a go at trying to taste her own flank. “Huh, this is harder than it looks." she chuckles and mused at her own naivety "My ignorance amuses me.. Just a little more…” still, never one to give up, she preservers in her new quest for forbidden knowledge.

“I’ll show her!” Diamond muttered as she finally got to Sugar Cube Corner, and spotted Apple 'aint I so mind bogglingly adorable, don't yah wanna buy me some ice cream?' Bloom eating a sunday.

“That whore!” DT yelled as she pointed the barrel on her new prey, and pulled the trigger, with nothing coming out. “Curses, curse my inability to load my shotgun properly, it has thwarted me for the last time!” Diamond proclaimed angrily.

Applebloom just stuck her fore hoof casually in both barrels, surprisingly stretching them to accommodate her hoof somehow, as she chewed on a chorizo and said

"Eeeh whats up Diamond?"

As the acerbic smile of the smartass mud pone, burned into DT's baby blue retinas like a fricking laser attached to a shark's head, Diamond Tiara begin to see red, literally. She just now noticed Applebloom's soft and smexy mane was red. The color of fire and passion, but "NO pONY CAN BE MORE BEAUTIFUL THEN MY BELOVED SPOONY!" DT proclaimed with fiery love and lust driven passion of her own.

"Whata yah want me tah do, Diamond Tiara.. talk tah Spoon?"

AB backed away in fear, her butt pressed against the wall, wetting herself as the mighty Tiara advanced, snorting like a bull seeing a red flag in that wavy, shiny, drop dead sexy, home grown mane, and raised the rifle butt high over her head, standing on her hind legs!

"NO, Ms. Bloom!" Diamond sneered vicioulsly and smirked in her blood lust

"I want you to DYE.. your mane!"

DT brought the rifle butt down and it was lights out in Georgia for the infernal farm filly and her sexy, bow tied, mane.

Dank Flank!

As Apple Bloom sat on the bench with her now empty ice cream cone, sporting a new accessory on her head, oddly shaped like some bent piece of blued steel and wood that might resemble Mr. Filthy Richie's twelve-gauge double-barreled Remington. S-Mart's top of the line.

You can find it in the sporting goods department. That's right, that sweet baby was made in Grand Rapids, Marechigan. Retails for about a hundred and nine, ninety five bit$. It's got a walnut stock, cobalt blue steel, and a hair trigger, and it appears to be the source of the young filly’s concussion looking state.

A mess of gray and silvery ball of fur, crashes through the window, rolls along past the unconscious farm pony, and bounces out the opposite window, like a furry cannon ball, pretending to be a tumbleweed in a really bad Western made in 1955 where all the cow colts dress like Gay Cablieros.

Diamond Tiara notes the passing silver 'canon pony' bally, with a shrug “That was one sexy ass tumbleweed!" she nods with approval "Now that Apple Bloom is unconscious, I can do so many things to her, nasty things.. terrible things, naaaaaaaughty things!” Diamond Tiara grew a wide grin of jagged and misaligned teeth as she laughed maniacally.

She reached behind her back and pulled a weapon from ~~out of her ass~~ seemingly no where "Jiggly Puff!" she proclaimed for seemingly no reason whatsoever and puffed her cute pink cheeks out in rebuke as she took her Fat Colt Slim 'Weapon of Choice' and drew a dapper, hooftle-bar moustache, on her victims drooling, droopy-eyed face. “Now that that’s taken care of, time to find out what that thingy was!” Diamond said as she followed the sexy ball of silver and gray furred, thingy.

(Obligatory French guy): "Fifteen.. minutes.. earlier…"

“Al~most!” *crick* “Oh horseshi--” Silver Spoonko paused in mid curse, as she has managed to take in the taste of her own flank.

“Huh, tastes like bubblegum.” she smacked her lips and rolls her eyes up in thought as she sampled the flavor with the skill of a master chef, tasting her latest entrée.

After Silver Spoonko somehow managing to lick her own flank, Scootaloo burst through the door with a gigantic doll in the shape of ~~Sweetie Belle~~ Thrackerzod, the doll completely covered in kissy marks, the shade of lipstick being Silver Spoon's own.

“Oh buck me."

"If you say so baby, HOO!" Scootalloo is all too eager to oblige her.

Silver groans and face hoof's, her only saving grace being that Diamond Tiara wasn't there to see the doll Silver Spoonko used to live out her Unicorn dom fantasies on. The doll having many rips from a whip, sewed up expertly and resewed with the care of a master surgeon, as she had learned from many medical scrolls.

The doll even sported a spiky black leather dog collar, with silver medallion dangling from it, a gold ring, set in each piercing, in it's ears, nose, and horn. It wore a black T-shirt and fishnet stockings and a magic inhibiting horn ring, specifically made for S&M play, to disrupt the flow of magic, but not as powerful as inhibiting as would be used in Celestia's dungeon or local jails. She also had black eye shadow.

All accessories Silver Spoonko had bestowed on her naughty goth pony sex toy.

"HOW DID YOU FIND MY Sub MEANIE BELLE DOLL!?” Silver bellowed in out rage and growled and snorted. She loved Diamond with all her heart and would be crushed if she found out she fantasized about having power over unicorns.. in that way.

A mud pony can dream.. can't she?

“Oh thats easy baby, just like ME! HOO, Scootalloo!?" Scootaloo laughed "Anyway YOU LEFT IT AT SCHOOL!” Scootaloo shouted with a manic look in her eye and a predatory sneer on her lips as she slapped Silver Spoonko with the doll, to the face, intending to knock her out with the bricks inside, so she could DO THINGS to her.

She however succeeded in nocking her head over hooves, sending her flying in a strange furry ball of a mess, hurdling towards town and through the window of Sugar Cube Corner.

“Ooooo, that wasn’t supposed to do that,” Scootaloo mumbled, for a fleeting moment, actually worried she had hurt or killed the adorkably sexable, introverted gray filly. That concern was however sadly lost, in lifeless green plastic eyes, as she stared at the doll. Shrugging off the assualt, she started sniffing it tenderly. It smelled good.

"You gotta purty mouth, baaaby."

she said kissing the black lipstick laden lips of the plush pony toy, making out with it. Her wings extended fully out her back, the longer she lingered in the smell and soft marshmallowy goodness the doll was meant to simulate for it's ~~mistress~~ owner. "Yur a little roughed up on the outside, baby.. but thats OKAY.. Scootmare diiiiigs what's underneath, HOO!"

“If I survive I’m totally crossing that nymphomaniacal chicken out of my fantasy harem all-star dream team” Silver proclaimed angrily as she flew into Blossomforth, sending the two crashing to the ground below, the mare halting her seemingly perpetual tumbleweed/cannon ball impersonation.

Diamond skidded to a stop, seeing Silver Spoonko senpai draped over Bloosomforth's barrel.

“Now that the great mystery is solved, I, Diamond Tiara Richie The Third Esquire, for no explained reason will now kill Discord with nothing but my pinata bat!” And so she did. "It's like, ADVENTURE TIME.. and stuff" she proclaims holding above her head high the piñata bat as lighting split the skies, due to an errant bolt, brought fourth by the arrogant but incompetent pegasus Rainbow Crash.. or something like that!

Diamond Tiara knew she must make this quest alone, without her faithful dog, Silver. "The Friendship has broken!" she proclaims before kissing the filly still draped over Blossomfourth. "Wha MMMPH!!!" the Silver filly protests and then relaxes, moaning as the mighty heroine forces her supple tongue inside her lovers mouth. "We are no longer friends.. you know.. cause now we art lovers HAHA!" Diamond proclaims.

"o-kaaaay" Silver Spoonko replies in acceptance, with a dopey grin and 'Want It, SO bucking NEED IT' hearts in her eyes as Diamond unceremoniously drops her lover's chin back onto the unconscious Blossomforth's barrel.

Eres Ah Touchin Stoory!

(obligatory French guy): Two.. days.. Later..

With her Piñata bat sheathed like a mighty broad sword upon her back, Diamond Tiara then climbed from the deepest darkest cavern to the highest peak, fighting through fire and water until facing down the explosive chocolate milk flinging, boss; Discord,

"YOU SO WON'T PASS!" Diamond stands her ground with the bat in her hoof like a sword, as the mighty beast of chaos summons a fleet of chocolate and cotton candy rain clouds, to rain down upon the hapless mare and get her mane all wet and explody!

"YOOOOU-SOOOO-WON'T-PASS!!!"

Diamond proclaimed with the bat held high and hit the draconequus in the head with her trusty piñata bat, which she named Steve, for no apparent reason, and smote him upon the mountain side, effectively killing him.

“Ha ha, I have done it! Now to build my harem of mare’s that does not include Babs Seed!” she proclaimed triumphantly as she held her bat high.

"By the power of GRAY PONE.. I TOTALLY HAVE THE POWERRRRRR!!!"

Narrator: "Two bloody days ago.. Oi what doth thou want from us? Nightmare Moon gobbled theh Obligatory French ~~Faggot~~ Guy's back syide, soory about that ladies an gents.. *buuuurp*"

Silver awoke among a mess of unrecognizable pony she once knew as Blossomforth, now a disjointed pretzel before her. Silver on the other hoof was starting to feel like her favorite heroine Samus Aran in Morph Ball mode,

Narrator: "oo theh bloody, blazon, pony ell izat?!"

“I really need to get unstuck," Silver sighs "I still need to finish my homework before I can start up on my 17th chapter of 'Diamond x Babs Seed: Seed in You’, I should probably roll my way to the hospital”

Narrator: and soooo she bloody did.

not.

Ha Ha madest thou look!

so endeth the trick..

After what felt like five minutes, Silver Spoon finally untangled herself from Blossomforth, when suddenly a flash of light and thunder blew her back and Diamond Tiara stepped out of Doc Emmet Brown's Delorean Time Machine, finally having found her one true love and first edition to 'Tiara Warrior Princess's' harem.

"If you're going to steal a time machine, why not take one with like, a bit of style!!" Diamond Tiara laughed off her terrible crime, because she could be forgiven, because she was destined to kill Discord two days in the future, as was explained to her lover and the second most conceited mare in town; Mayor Mare, by Dr. Time Turner Whooves and was so amazingly almost happy she decided to buy Silver Spoonko senpai a half eaten cookie.

Narrator: Ahm so bleeding useless, an no pony luvs LUNA! Ah HAVE absolutely NO bucking IDEA WHAT TO DO with me everlasting miserable life! I would end it all, I would.. inah art beat, if ah could!" (narrator drinks another pint of ale to drown her sorrows)

“Wha? What is this voice that speaks to me?” Diamond Tiara questioned, looking around.

“No idea what to do? Wait, is that me? Maybe...this is a sign? That all my bullying should stop, and to be kinder to others. Maybe then...I’ll know what to do?”

Narrator: And some ponies say *hic*, dhat Diamon Tiarah's eart grew three sizes that day! Absflogin lovely!

With a smile of hope, and a song in her heart, Diamond forever changed and became a great pony…

She bought her special some pony the biggest Diamond Ring EVER in the history of Equestria or the universe and proposed to her on one knee with a giant diamond in the back of Applejack~~off~~'s Hasbro official made Pickup ~~fu**~~ Truck!

She married Silver Spoonko that very day. It was a shotgun wedding, sorta, since Applebloom was Diamond's drooling best mare and still had the rifle barrel inbeded apparently in her skull.

Silver Spoonko got to live out her dream at her Bacherlorette Party when Diamond paid ~~Sweetie Belle~~ Thrackerzod to be her lover's willing slave, as an engagement gift to her blushing ~~gay~~ gray bride in holy ~~lesbianism~~ matrimony.

~~Sweetie enjoyed so much serving~~, and was not at all manipulated by Mistress Silver Spoonko, that it was perfectly normal for a unicorn to accept dominance from a powerless mud pony as long as she had wealth and means to care for you, that she forever pledged her heart, soul and body to both her new masters respectively, in this world and the next, for all eternity, giving Diamond the second addition to her harem, and wetting her sexualy deviant palette to find more mares.. who were NOT Babs Seed, to add to her collection of-

"CUTIE MARK CRUSADERS SEX SLAVES, YAY" the two out of three blank flanks proclaimed anxious to get their BDSM cutiemarks. All but Applebloom, who had little choice in the matter as her friends dragged the invalid mare into indentured servitude ~~for the rest of her life~~

Narrator: ha ha jus a jest, no had we OUR way those two rich bitches would be OUR slaves for theh rest ah their miserable *hic* useless lives! Make theh bitches, powerless allicorns we would, like our niece Cadenza-somthing-ur-other! so they can suffer along with me for all bloody eternity! No no of course we would never do such ah thing.. but I BLOODY WOULD! You bloody watch me!

)

In the years to come, Warrior Princess Diamond treated her 'marem' slaves well, However, she could never resist throwing chocolate cake at Applebloom, it truly was her only vice.

So when a piece of her Germein chocolate wedding cake was carved for her new wife and handed gently to Silver Spoonko, Diamond begin grabbing chunks of cake and whipping them at the catatonic cowpony filly.

But Applebloom was okay.. eventually.. but she had to wait a few years, all two of them, for Dr. Silver Spoonko, world famous brain surgeon, to skillfully remove the aforementioned shot gun rifle from Applebloom's skull. Once freed from her cationic state Applebloom agreed to join Diamond's harem of her own free will, with Scootallo, ~~Sweetie Belle~~ Thrackerzod, Dinky Doo Hooves and Peperment Twist, Because Dr. Silver Spoonko really liked her red headed, curly maned, nurse's cute "meep meep meep" and adorable glasses.

Silver Spoonko never did make it to the hospital,

Narrator: Toldja so.. yeah bloody stuupid, brony, bhastards!

having instead married DT soon after she proposed that very day, but she did make the NBA. As a basketball. She got dunked on 374 times, and she liked it.

She even wrote a fan fic on fimfiction.net about her being dunked on called '3 Shades of Gray' that due to a tainted pint of Granny Smith's Moon-cider somehow turned into an incest clop fic, starring her Father; Platinum Spoonko, big sister; Octavia Spoonko, and herself, in between them.

She realized in her infinite brilliance that she might have deep seated, unresolved intimacy issues with her father who was too busy running their marefia family in Manehatten to really give his daughter the attention she needed in her teen years.

But that was before she retired from basketball and attended medical school in Canterlot because NO OTHER pony was smart enough to just pull the shot gun OUT of AB's head, which Dr. Silver Spoonko received a 'Bluebell Peace Prize' for, from none other then Princess 'Mother Buckin' Celestia herself!

And Babs found her special some pony in Manehatten's Rickers Island Prison. When she got out on an assault and B&E (Breaking and Entering) charge, she married the guard who liked to watch her on the toilet. She had grown to like him watching her and they had two lovely MUD PONY foals, one colt and one filly.

Mentally Advanced Luna: "and Dhey all lived appily eveh aftah! The End.. ere now.. well that was a rousing good stoory now wasn't it? We shall endeaveh to look foorward to reading thou another one!

Fare thee well, OUR LITTLE Ponies! (spits in bitter rebuke)

You can all suck me arse.. we ope you choke, we do!

BUCK IT ALL.. we're too bleeding old for this SHITE! (throws down her empty mug and vanishes with a *POIT*)

Fin

Author's Note

Well originally I was going to say and Babs Seed died, because i really hate that mare in canon. But ever pony else got a happy..

SO BE IT!:trollestia:))