The Conversion Bureau: You are so Small It's Funny to Me!

by LieutenantGarrison

Rating: mature
Tags: Crossover, Human, Anthro, Gore, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Dark, Alternate Universe, Other, Original Character
Length: 2372

When Celestia is about to bring the human race to an end humanity makes a final push!

After 35 years of war for survival humanity is on its last leg. So they hire some Mercenary Mech drivers.

Yes it's Anthropoid! I thought I would make something other than the normal TCB fics!

Published 2014-01-15 11:40:02 UTC
Last updated 2014-01-15 11:40:02 UTC

"I'm gonna blow the inside of ya head all over four counties!"

January 14, 197X

Ponies swarmed into the city once called Washington believing this would be the end of humanities denial. How they were wrong, so wrong. Human forces slowly lost their positions due to potions or magic bombs. A lone soldier ran through the streets dodging bolts of magic and sometimes he would turn to fire off a few rounds with his R91 assault rifle behind him. Then the lone chap got hit in the shoulder by a stray bolt causing the flesh to sizzle from the bolt of magic. He tumbled on the ground for a moment before coming to a rest. Groaning in pain he slowly tried to get up but was pushed down to the ground by a single hoof. The mare stood over her prize like he was hers, or is going to be. He begged not to be turned into a pony, his please fell to deaf ears.

You see pony kind did not convert humans into ponies just for love and harmony. It was for the males, the stallion population started to die off and they needed a new way to reproduce. They set their sights on the human race for its moderate male population. First they tried bringing them harmony through the potion only for the humans to reject it. So they took drastic measures and invaded the humans, if it wasn't for magic they would have lost the war but the Elements of Harmony stopped the invasion and turn 5/6 of the human male population and kill off the females. Sadly the humans; even when taking a critical blow found ways to fight on. Even if they can't reproduce the humans still fight on; it wasn't until Celestia was able to look into humanities nature to know why they fight.

They fight for their families, friends, and their race.

The mare slowly lifted the human to eye level, her eyes full of lust and wet/burning nether region. Before she could take of the chaps clothes and rape him a building exploded. She looked to the building to see something that shook her to the core. The machine known as a MT-32 marched out of the destroyed house; the wood under its legs snapped as the multi-ton behemoth walked out. It turned towards he opening its missile pods, in fear the mare ran for her life.

Seeing as the threat was gone the missile pods folded back into the main body before marching on. The MT-32 was a experimental if not humanities last hope for surviving this war, but the only problem with this machine is that a human controls it. You may ask; "what is wrong with that?" I should have told you that the human controlling it had his brain taken out of his body and put into the machine. They have no emotions and no sympathy. Do you know why? Because it hurts, for humanities survival if you could call it that; some brave humans sacrificed their humanity for this. Turned into a machine, to forever walk the Earth destroying anypony or anything that gets in their way.

The soldier seeing his only chance to run got on his knees before standing up and grabbing his AR then ran for the base. The machine however continued its march towards the front. When it got there it was a mess, the trench was filled with potion but the boots the defenders wore came up to the knees so they were safe. That is if they didn't trip. Deploying the missile pods a missile flew out of the machine and into a group of guards. Most were vaporized in the explosion but some legs and corpses flew out of the point of impact. The Pegasi over head noticed the new comer and dived on it releasing potions thinking that it would seep into the machine and converge the pilot but it carried on firing a missile time-to-time.

A brave Pegasus landed on top of the machine and looked around for a weak spot. Seeing the missiles as her only hope of destroying it she raised he spear and thrust it towards only to skid off due to how deep it was. Then before she could retry she noticed something come out of the machine and stair at her. Looking at the thing it had four propellers on each corner as well as one glowing blue eye and a small machine gun attached to the bottom. Before she could make a move the quadrotor fired the smg blowing a one inch hole in the mares head before falling off the machine with a splat! More quadrotors flew out of tubes inside the missile bay doors as they flew off to aid their human allies.

More MT-34s showed up opening their own missile pods and quadrotors. A Earthpony charged at one with a claymore, the machine raised its right front leg then brought it down on her creating a pool of blood and flesh with a squishing sound and clang of metal. More charged forward trying to over run them only to be swatted away or crushed. One of the machines turned to a unicorn squad charging up a spell, the spell fired speeding at the machine. Before the spell hit the machine positioned its armored legs in front of it-self, the spell detonated on the legs doing no damage to the tank. Before they could charge up another spell it rushed at them at terrifying speeds before crushing to two of them under its legs, one immediately died as the other screamed out in pain reaching out. Before the other could react the robots legs rocketed at them. When it collided with the rest it broke the rib cages and crushed vital organs making blood gush out of ones mouth as it was sent airborne. The injured one tried to crawl away but the machine noticed before raising a metal leg and bringing it down on her head.

Then a dragon flew at one of them its golden scales shined in the sun. Before the machine could fire, the dragon picked it up before tossing it randomly, the tank however landed on its legs sliding to a halt as the asfalt under neath it was ripped apart by its legs. It fired a missile at the dragon only to dodge it by a hair. It flew of in another detection, as it was about to go in for another run four green and yellow beams of energy fired out somewhere in the city. The beams tore into the dragons flesh; the scales couldn't protect it from the force the energy emitted and the force behind it. The dragon yelled out in pain as the rays dissipated, it fell to the ground creating a crater in the asfalt.

Before it could look around a single metal leg stomped on its head crushing the skull and brain. Blood and grey mater covered the bottom of the circle shaped foot. The new machine was bi-pedal and its upper torso looked familiar to the MT. It had four barrels; two on each side that fired super-heated plasma bolts. The guns made a hi-pitched energy sound then a steady hum as the cannons recharged. Unlike the MT this one had a real human inside, for security reasons their names are classified.

"Nice shot!" yelled out a distorted voice. Turning towards the speaker we meet another human controlled mech except instead of cannons it had to arms with fist designed to punch out the giants as well as stronger armor.

"Thanks mate!" replied the other. They walked off towards the front, as they approached the front a house was destroyed as a giant mare with blue fur and green hair charged threw the building. She turned towards the machines pulling out an over-sized sword. The Sniper took aim but the Heavy put an arm in front of him.

"I will take her, get to the line!" he said in his robotic voice.

"OK, good luck." said the sniper before running down another street. When the Sniper left the Heavy smashed his fist together.

"Come we fight like men!" he said before raising his fist. The mare dropped her sword before taking a combat stance. They stood their in a stair-down until the Heavy charged forward yelling as he did. The mare followed soon, they soon met. The Heavy threw a punch which collided with the mares cheek cracking her muzzle a bit. The mare retaliated with a kick to the mechs torso only to dent the thick armor. The heavy tried to kick her leg but the mare caught it before yanking on it causing him to fall. He quickly rolled to the side before standing up, raising his fist he threw a series of punches at the mare. Some impacted her chest and gut, while she was able to block some with a cost of some shattered arms. A quick and violent jab to the gut made her throw up blood as she collapsed on the ground. She shrunk back to her normal size while Heavy put his arms on his knees before leaning downward and crouching. "You are so small and weak, it's funny to me." he said before lifting a leg and bringing it down on her squishing her under the metal boot.

"Now that is what I like to see." said a voice, the Soldier mech walked up. It looked similar as well except it had missile launchers. "Now, move out!" he ordered before the Heavy mech ran off. Then an armored chariot rolled down the street towards the mech readying a AP bolt, before they could fire a salvo of rockets launched out of the launchers and towards the chariot. They detonated causing the chariot to roll over and do some rolls before coming into a stop in front of the mech. The surviving crew tried to crawl out as the fire inside began to spread. A lone mare made it out with a severed leg, a blood trail behind her. The Soldier chuckled before walking slowly towards her. "You are all dishonorably discharged!" he said before kicking the poor mare away. The force was strong enough it tore her in half. The lower torso flying into a random building and upper torso just turning into chunks of gore. The soldier turned away before marching on towards the front.

The Demo-man fired off some more Sticky-bombs into the air raining down on a group of Earth-ponies. Before they could run the bombs exploded turning them into red mist or mutilated corpses. "Ka-Booooom!" yelled the drunk Scots-man in his Demo-mech equipped with a grenade launcher and sticky bomb launcher.

""Murr hurr mphuphurrur, hurr mph phrr." said a muffled voice. The Pyro-mech continued forward setting fire to buildings and ponies unlucky enough to get in front of this creature. A mare dropped on her knees and begged for her life only to have the flame-thrower to point at her and she was set ablaze. Her fur immediately was incinerated before her flesh peeled of as she screamed in pain; her tears being vaporized in the fire. It was a sad and sick sight but to the Pyro? He was shooting rainbows at a pony with a big smile on her face. I have seen Pyro-land before, I hate it!

Anyway, Scout flew through the air with his jump-jets. The jump-jet armor was just four rockets attached to the heels and shoulders powered by BONK! A visor protected his face as well as he could grab objects with a special device. He shot open another Pegasi skull with the scatter-gun before pulling out his bat and hitting Wonder Bolt with it, shattering the skull. "Yo, I oughta' be on a baseball card!" he said over the radio.

"Fess..." said Medic over the radio. His mech had six chain-saws, Six arms with Chain-saws! They were covered in blood no. . . soaked in bright red blood as well as the arms, legs, you know what? Fuck it! He was covered in head to. . . foot with blood. "Iz zere a point to your lives?!" he said over the loud-speaker as he cut into anther group of Unicorns. They were easily cut into pieces soaking the ground in a red river of body fluids. A giant charged at him only for it to yell in pain as millions of volts of electricity surged through her body. She fell limb on the ground before a mech de-cloaked.

"Gentlemen." the Spy mech said completely oblivious to two giants running at him from behind. The sniper mech fired a beam into one of the giants head completely turning it into blood and brain matter. Then sentry-guns inside some buildings tore the other apart by the onslaught of bullets. The body was riddled with holes bleeding out the red liquids of life. She fell to the ground making blood splat everywhere.

"You ladies shoulda' oughta' brought some menfolk with ya." said the engineer; the creator of the Mechs. He was just sitting there as his marefriend Quick Fix a orange mare with golden hair sat next to him, she unlike her kind she believed that humanity would have helped ponies even without the use of a potion. Funny story of how they met but I won't get into it.

The MTs march forward pushing back the ponies as the Sniper, Heavy, and Spy picked off a few dragons and giants as the rest continued against infantry. The battle lasted for months until the attack on Washington failed.

Death toll:
Humans: 2,153
Ponies: 9, 000, 000+

At the end of the battle Washington was a blood bath, it would take days to clean up the bodies of ponies. None of that matters now, over a period of years they began to retake the US before returning control over it. When this happened Quick Fix encouraged ponies to revolt against the Sisters and Elements. On 2032 the War on the Goddesses ended with the Ponies and Humans victorious. Together they would create a powerful unity no longer as enemies, but brothers and sisters.