Deus Ex-Murder

by housedoc

Rating: teen
Tags: Dark, Mayor Mare, Original Character, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Comedy, Adventure, Flash Sentry, Twilight Sparkle, Princess Celestia
Length: 3564

A pony is found murdered in her new home in Ponyville. An amateur detective is forced to take on the case, with the help of Princess Twilight and the royal guards.

Murder never happens in Ponyville... except now it did, apparently.
A pony is found dead in her new home, and a non-experienced amateur detective is forced to take on the case against her own better judgement. She enlists the help of the royal guards, and the recently crowned Princess Twilight Sparkle.

(As for continuity, this story probably takes place sometime between Equestria Girls and Season 4.)

Published 2014-01-19 23:20:15 UTC
Last updated 2014-01-19 23:20:15 UTC

I - At the crime scene: Exposition is magic

Morning. A shrill scream woke up most of the neighborhood. This was not a common way for days to begin in Ponyville, unless something was seriously wrong.

Half-awake, baggy eyed ponies pushed open their window shutters to face the dawn and locate the source of the scream. A cold morning breeze blew through their disheveled manes, and pushed around some leaves and scattered envelopes on the ground. The envelopes were escaping from an open mail bag, thrown carelessly outside the door to the house of Sew Seamless, a pony more or less unknown to her neighbors, as she had moved to Ponyville only a few moons ago.

The mailbag belonged to the local mailmare, who was standing just inside Sew Seamless's door, staring at the floor with her mouth wide open. She was frozen in terror. On the floor laid the somewhat burned corpse of Sew Seamless, a light lavender earth pony with a purple and blue mane and tail, her flank showing a thread spool and needle cutie mark.

Outside, the wind was delaying todays mail delivery. Pony heads were peering out of all windows of the surrounding houses, except one, whose shutters remained closed.

An hour later, the sun had risen substantially more, and so had the ponies of Ponyville, many of which had gathered around Sew Seamless's house. Mayor Mare tried to keep them at bay, and from destroying the crime scene. She had appointed some stallions to guard the front door, and a few pegasus ponies were patrolling the skies above the house.

One grey earth pony with medium-length red hair forced her way through the crowd of distressed bystanders, annoyed at their mass curiosity which blocked her path. When she came up to the front door of the house, she immediately locked eyes with the mayor, and introduced herself promptly.

“I'm Detective Snoop, ma'am. I was called upon to investigate a crime scene, and from the look of things, I seem to have come to the right place,” she said in a disapproving tone.

The mayor tried to reply in a controlled and courteous manner, despite the stress she was under. “Ah, yes, I'm glad you're here. Something truly terrible has occurred. Let's speak inside. Big Macintosh, guard the door please and don't let anypony in.” They went through the door and locked it from the inside.

“Miss Mayor, with all due respect,” the Detective began as soon as they got inside, “the way you seem to be handling the situation here is unstable and amateurish. Have you contacted Canterlot about getting some Royal Guards o- ver...?” She trailed off as she suddenly noticed the corpse on the floor, and her jaw dropped inappropriately. Murder... I should have known something was different when such a large crowd had gathered outside. But this... this is on an entirely different level from tracking down stolen muffins...

She tried to get herself together, and turned her head, eyes still widened in shock. She looked at the mayor, who was apparently avoiding to look at the body. Snoop needed to say something, or she would seem just as out of her element as the mayor. The detective cleared her throat.

“A... a murder...?” was all Snoop managed to squeeze out. She tried not to make a disturbed face.

“Yes,” the mayor was ashamed to confirm, “a murder.” She continued quickly, when she noticed the detective was gearing up to back out of this responsibility. “I understand that this is not what you usually deal with, but frankly, there is no pony in town who does! I have sent word to Princess Celestia, and Royal Guards shall be arriving soon. The princess herself will likely arrive later as well.”

Snoop flinched. The princess? Great, I can't back out now, can I? If Celestia arrives here and finds that nopony is taking charge because I chickened out, that will not look good on my resumé. The detective turned her head back to the body again. Can I really do this..? I guess I have to, who else? But... this is way out of my league. She trod closer to the dead pony. She must have been quite pretty when she was alive... Sew laid on her side with eyes closed and mouth slightly open. Her tail was spread out flat against the floor. A braid had kept her mane from doing the same. Burn marks scattered all over her coat, a sewing-related cutie mark, earth pony...

Snoops talent for situations like these was coming back to her after the initial shock, and questions started popping into her head. Right, time is of the essence.

“Who discovered the body?” she suddenly asked.

“The mailmare, Derpy Hooves.”

“Ah yes, I remember her from a previous case I worked on. Where is she?”

“Just outside, in shock.”

“I will need to talk to her. We also need a photographer. Now, while we wait for the guards, tell me who this pony is... or was, while I make some much needed coffee. The coffee shop was closed this morning, horrible timing. Want some?” Snoop felt herself getting back into the groove. Now just keep this momentum.

“Ehm, no thank you... I am a tea drinker, actually.” The mayor looked out the window nervously to avoid eye contact with the dead pony, while Detective Snoop went to raid the kitchen.

“So, what do you know of this... er, what's her name?” Snoop shouted from the other room.

“Her name was Sew Seamless and, well, I don't know that much, honestly.” Mayor Mare kept staring blankly out at the autumn morning, whilst the detective rummaged through the cupboards loudly. “She moved to Ponyville two moons ago, I believe she came from Canterlot. She had plans to open a boutique and sell fancy gala dresses and such. However, progress seems to have been very slow. I have not received any documents regarding the proposed location for such an establishment... It seems she was not really in any hurry to get started with that. I don't think she has made many acquaintances in Ponyville since she moved here.”

Detective Snoop returned from the kitchen. “I see. I should ask around the neighborhood later. We need more ponies here to search this entire house and it's surroundings for clues. Do you know who the last pony was to see her alive?”

“No, I haven't really made any inquiries. Oh, and there's also a cat.”

“A cat?”

“Yes, a dead cat was found in front of the house. We moved it to the backyard, because it looked... unseemly. It has similar burns as...”

There was a loud knock on the door. The mayor went over and opened, revealing three stallions in armor standing on the front porch. Behind them, the crowd eyed them over with excitement.

“Ah, the Royal Guards. Come in, gentlecolts. Thank you for coming over to Ponyville so promptly.” Mayor Mare quickly put on a rather large smile, despite the dire situation at hoof.

“It is our duty, ma'am,” the leader of the three Royal Guards answered while entering the house of the deceased. “Murder is a rare occurrence in Equestria, and can not be taken lightly. I assume you are Mayor Mare.”

The mayor closed the door behind them, shutting out the mass of curious faces. “Yes, heh... that is me,” the mayor said with a sheepish grin. She was acting like a fool for the handsome commander. Detective Snoop was not impressed.

“Your help is sorely needed, sirs,” she interrupted firmly. “My name is Detective Snoop, I am in charge of this investigation. Is Princess Celestia on her way?”

“Yes, but she will take a while,” the commander replied, quickly ignoring Mayor Mare. “Things are busy in Canterlot at the moment. What sort of help did you have in mind?”

“Well, first off you need to remove all these onlookers from the premises. Also, search the surroundings for any clues. I'm afraid the crowd might have damaged a lot of evidence.”

“It shall be done.” The stallions exited. The mayor followed them with her eyes, slightly entranced.

“Mayor Mare!” the detective shouted in an annoyed tone. “We need a doctor to examine the body and those burns, and bring me the mailmare, Ms. Hooves.”

Somewhat later, Snoop was sitting by the dining table to question Derpy, while a doctor was examining the body.

“I know this is a traumatic experience, but we need your help,” Snoop said to the mailpony, while clutching a coffee mug between her hooves. “So, if you could, please walk me through what happened this morning.”

Derpy sat across from Snoop, and looked out the window at the Royal Guards fine combing the ground. She, just like the mayor earlier, avoided glancing over at the body. She was clutching a mug of her own, but had not touched her coffee. She steeled herself by clearing her throat and wore a distant expression as she recounted her morning.

“I was delivering mail just like every morning. As I was going past this house, I went through my mailbag. To my surprise I noticed there was one letter for Sew Seamless, which is double the usual amount... She never gets any letters.”

“O- kay... so where is this letter now?”

“I dunno, I dropped it outside with the others when I saw the body. I found most of them, eventually, but some got whisked away by the wind. I tell you, this is one goof up too many for me this week.” The gray pegasus sighed hopelessly. In her mind, her own small problems were suddenly on par with the murder.

“Why did you go in the front door?” Snoop asked, forcing Derpy back into the situation at hoof.

“Well... When I went to the mailbox to drop off her letter, I noticed a dead cat in front of the house. I was horrified, so I went to tell the pony who I guessed was the cat's owner. I knocked on the door, but there was no answer. So, I opened the door. And, well... you know. The... the body.”

Derpy was getting teary-eyed from reliving the experience. Snoop did not know what to say. She looked at Derpy's mismatched, wet eyes, but had no comforting reply at hand. This was not her strong side.

“These burns must have come from magic,” the doctor proclaimed suddenly. Saved by the bell.

“Come again?” the detective asked.

“These burns could not have come from some tool or regular fire. They must have come from magic. However, they are not that severe. Hardly even third degree. She did not die from this.”

“Really? Then what is the cause of death? Some spell?”

“Yes, probably. Of course, that makes it very hard to diagnose. There is no real visible physical trauma.”

“Perhaps you need to take her to the morgue and cut her ope...”

“Can I leave, p-please?!” Derpy bawled.

“Oh... yes, sorry about this. Thank you for your help, Miss Hooves. Oh, and do tell us if you find that letter,” Detective Snoop said as Derpy was leaving the building quickly. Snoop felt stupid for saying such blunt, gruesome things with a trauma victim right next to her.

The doctor continued. “I do not want to cut her open. There is something... not quite right.”

“What?”

“There is no stiffness, no rigor mortis. And the body is still... lukewarm.”

“But, she is dead, right?”

“Well, yes. There is no heartbeat, no breathing. I have no equipment here, so I can't check for brain activity.”

“We need to get somepony here who knows about magic. I'll fetch the mayor. We need Twilight Sparkle!”

Sometime later still, the commander of the Royal Guards was reporting his findings to Detective Snoop.

“We found this gemstone just outside that side window,” the pegasus commander said while giving Snoop a shimmering, clear stone. “But that's it. There were no hoofprints around that window either, so perhaps the murderer flew in.”

Snoop rolled the gemstone on her hoof, studying the small light specks it reflected. “No, there was magic involved, so the perpetrator was a unicorn,” she mumbled, full of thoughts.

“I see. Well, there is no way of telling if there are any other relevant hoofprints around, because of all the commotion outside earlier.”

Just then, the door busted open and Twilight Sparkle entered... in a sense. She tumbled and rolled until reaching a full stop somewhat in the center of the room, flat on her stomach. The royal guard kept a straight face and bowed to his superior.

“Ah, Princess Twilight Sparkle. What a graceful entrance for a royal highness,” Snoop said coldly.

Twilight tried to gain her hoofing, still noticeably dizzy. “Ehh... well, I haven't really gotten a hang of how these landings work yet.” The guard extended a hoof for Twilight to stabilize herself on.

“Why, thank you-” Twilight's cheeks suddenly turned red when her eyes met the guard's. “Oh... hi there. What brings you to Ponyvi... OH SWEET CELESTIA IT'S A CORPSE!” She quickly turned back to a paler shade.

“Yes, this used to be Sew Seamless,” Snoop said, unfazed by Twilights panicking. “I called you here because it was said that the cause of death was magic. You are definitely one of the most qualified in Equestria on that subject.”

Twilight stared at the body while a photographer was taking pictures of it. She could not take her eyes off the corpse, as it glowed white sporadically from the camera flash.

“Oh... but this is certainly not something I encounter often in my books,” the princess answered, half-focused. She suddenly pulled her eyes away and looked at Snoop. “Why would the cause of death be magic?”

A panting noise was heard from outside, followed by the quick footsteps of a baby dragon as Spike entered.

“Oh... pant... I can't keep up with you these days Twi... pant... Oh, wow a corpse!” Spike's eyes grew large.

“Spike! This is nothing to be excited about!” Twilight said in a berating voice.

“Is anypony even guarding the door anymore?” Snoop was getting more annoyed by the minute. “Well, anyway..! The doctor who examined the body said that the burns were magically inflicted. Also, the body has not entered a state of rigor mortis. It is still soft and almost at regular body temperature, but there is no breathing and no heartbeat. She has been like this for at least two hours, when the body was discovered.”

“Maybe she's a zombie!” Spike remarked and received a light hoofsmack on the head from the princess, who was trying to take the situation in.

“I see..,” Twilight said with a frown. “The burns are easy to explain at least. But the type of magic one would need to use to inflict such damage on another pony is difficult to master, and rightfully so. Dark magic. However it is not lethal.”

“No, the doctor also confirmed as much. Sew Seamless also owned a cat who was found dead outside with similar burns.”

“Well, the burns aside, what could have caused her death?”

“There seems to be no other physical trauma. Which is why you were called after.”

Twilight's frown deepened. This day had certainly taken a turn for the worse. She had planned a full day of book indexing and quill sorting, but once again duty called.

“Well, this is certainly more exciting than book indexing and quill sorting,” Spike said.

“Exciting is not the right word for it. Unsettling, mostly. And I would need to go have a look through my books anyway, because I have no clue where to begin. Is there really nothing else to remark on?”

“Not that the doctor could find. We will move the body to the morgue soon, maybe something will be discovered there.”

The conversation was yet again interrupted by somepony entering through the front door. This time, it was not questionable that she gained access.

“Princess Celestia!” Snoop finally showed reverence for another pony and bowed.

“Technically, you should have bowed to me as well,” Twilight said sourly before realizing that she should herself acknowledge the other princess. “Hello, Celestia!”

“Hello, Twilight, Spike, Mayor,” Celestia said, looking at each one as she spoke, as always managing to keep a soothing and reassuring half smile. She looked over at Snoop. “You must be the pony in charge of the investigation.”

“Yes, Princess. I am Detective Snoop. It is an honor to meet you.”

“Likewise. I have heard of the many cases you have worked on.”

“Thank you, Your Highness. Sadly, this is by far the most serious and horrid one yet. We have a dark magic murder on our hooves.”

Mayor Mare suddenly shot in, feeling the need to make herself heard. “Yes, I am glad you could find the time to come, Princess. It reassures both the citizens and myself.”

“Of course I would come. Murder is rare, and when it happens it becomes a top priority for Equestria. Sadly, I can not stay for too long. We have a busy time in Canterlot right now. Princess Cadence and Shining Armor are visiting the court. The Summer Wrap-Up Gala is coming up, as I'm sure you are all aware of.”

“Nah, I don't care much for galas,” Snoop said bluntly before realizing her possible faux pas.

“Oh... Well, neither do I to be quite honest,” Celestia said to save Snoop's appearance. She then changed the topic somehow. “I hope my guards have been of some assistance.”

“Absolutely. I'm sure they are Canterlot's finest.”

“We have merely done our duty, ma'am,” the orange-coated commander said. Snoop's trained intuition somehow sensed some unspoken tension between certain ponies in the room. For some reason it bothered her.

“Yes, I was hoping the guards could stay here and fine comb the building for a while, if the Princess does not require them right away?”

“Certainly, perhaps Princess Twilight could help them?” Celestia said with a weird smile and a glance towards Twilight.

“Uh, actually, I was hoping that Princess Twilight would get to work on searching for the spell that caused the victims death.”

Just then, Celestia finally noticed the body on the floor and walked closer, her attention now diverted. Her smile faded as she walked, a regal sadness in her steps.

“So here she lays...” Celestia said, studying the body with tranquil melancholy. “This saddens me greatly. You should know that Sew Seamless previously worked for the Canterlot Royal Court.”

“Really?” Twilight queried. “What did she do?”

“She was a designer. Dresses and armor. Tapestries.”

“Hm,” Snoop said, “that is certainly interesting considering we otherwise know next to nothing about the victim. What more can you tell us?”

“Oh, nothing really. Canterlot Castle is a big place, and I did not meet her personally more than two or three times. She was only with the court for a rough moon before she left.”

“Oh, well then I understand that it saddens you greatly...” Snoop said with well-veiled sarcasm. “By the way, have you spoken to your sister about this... occurrence? The murder most probably took place during the night, so it would have fallen under Princess Luna's jurisdiction.”

“No,” Celestia said, taking her eyes off the corpse. “She did not mention anything special at breakfast this morning, and by the time I received word of the crime, Luna had already gone to bed.”

“I see.” But I have no idea what I'm looking at. “Would it be at all possible for me to speak with Princess Luna myself?”

“Well, of course, we are both obliged to help in any way we can, but as I said, she will have a hard time leaving Canterlot right now, with all the gala preparations underway. In fact, I myself have to leave right now. Perhaps we can arrange for you to come with my guards once they leave for Canterlot, and you can speak to Luna at court, if that will not be a hindrance to your investigation.”

“That would be splendid, Princess.” Like I have any choice? I'll happily eat whatever stale breadcrumbs you spare me, Princess.

“Good. Once again, don't forget that we are all counting on you. As I said, this is a top priority for Equestria...”

Princess Celestia left soon after that, and with her the temporary respite of her calm aura. Detective Snoop remained with frustration gnawing at her bones. She had no clue what to do next, and yet she was left with complete responsibility over the situation. She looked over at the body, which was now being covered up with a blanket by the guards. Snoop wished she could be covered up in a blanket for the rest of the day as well.

No... I can't do this. I have no experience. What if I drop the ball? What if I fail in the end and reach no satisfying conclusion? I'll never be taken seriously again... Snoop snapped out of her mild panic and looked around. Everyone in the room was waiting for her next move. Well, I'm past the point of no return. Her next move was this:

“Coffee, anypony?”

Meanwhile, not far from this scene, a pony awoke in pools of sweat from a long nightmare of featureless faces and horrible screams.