Dear princess Celestia I Spike T. Dragon hereby request immediate transferal from Ponyville Library due to a change in working conditions that I am unable to cope with. It has been absolute chaos here at the library ever since... You know what I'm getting ahead of myself.
The problem started about six months ago. Just that morning Rarity, much to my excitement had come in to check out a book on advanced stitching, right as she was about to leave Pinkie Pie came rushing in with a cupcake dangling in her little hair curl. As Rarity walked out the door she remarked “Pinkie Pie have you been gaining weight? darling you must really stop eating so many cupcakes.
To which Pinkie responded with a quick nod of her head causing the cupcake to fly upwards in a perfect ark and land directly in her mouth “Itsh fah aww goo cause” was all she manage to say through a mouth full of frosting as she trotted over to twilight. Rarity tossed her hair and left in a huff.
“Hey Twilight what you doing?”
“I umm uhh I'm just filing away the latest family records we just got an updated batch last week” Twilight responded while trying desperately to shove as many scrolls as possible onto a shelf in a very hurried and messy manner that was rather uncharacteristic of her.
“Ohhh! that sounds interesting. the last time I looked through one of those I discovered that I might be related to applejack I wonder what I’ll find this time” the Pinkie exclaimed as she whipped her head forward sending her hair like a whip to wrap around the scroll that twilight seemed the most eager to hide.
“Wait Pinkie not that one” Twilight squeaked quietly
“Hmm yep knew about that. Oop there's my sisters...... Ohh so thats who Scootaloo’s parents are. yep yep nothing new there, and hey that's new-huaaaa!” she exclaimed as she sat upright on her hind legs making the most incredulous face that she possibly could
“What!” she yelled suddenly appearing in front of twilight who seemed to be trying to hide as far as she could behind her wings.
“What!” she bellowed appearing only as a disembodied head in front of me causing me to fall painfully on my tailbone in surprise.
“What!” she exclaimed once again standing over the scroll bending her neck at an awkward angle to press her face against the last line of text on the scroll.
“Okay pinkie what did you find this time" I said as I stood up rubbing my now sore tailbone
Twilight let out a small whimper as Pinkie took in a huge breath
“Me and Twilight are married!” Pinkie bellowed excitedly at the top of her lungs loud enough that the entirety of Ponyville could probably hear. I looked over at twilight who was sitting there hiding behind her wings whimpering
“bwhuaa” was all I could manage to stutter
“Yep says right here plain as the muzzle on my face, that we’re married.” Pinkie said looking for the first time that I could remember, genuinely puzzled.
“Twilight what's she talking about?” I stuttered, worry creeping noticeably into my voice.
“Spike, Pinkie I can explain”
“Well you better explain it, wifey” Pinkie exclaimed in a mock annoying tone
“You remember a couple of months ago when we all went to Las Pegas right?
“Yep Rarity was working on the costumes for a reaallyy big show and she invited all to go with her and watch it.”
“Yeah that was it” Twilight continued, nervously tapping her fore hooves together “After the show finished and before we all turned in for the night Rarity offered to buy us all a round of drinks to celebrate her success. After a while the rest of the girls went back to the hotel and we decided to stay a while. We stayed there for almost an hour till a really drunk Minotaur came up and started hitting on me and you got into a fight with him. After we got kicked out you said that couldn't stand the idea of anyone taking me away from you, and that you loved me, and that we should get married, and, and” Twilight said stopping for a bit because she was hyperventilating to hard
“And? What happened next?” Pinkie enthusiastically exclaimed while munching on popcorn which she had produced from the depths of her tail “I mean I already know what happens next but i want to hear it as well.”
“Well there was one of those quick marriage churches near the bar and we got married there, and after that we went back to the hotel, and...”
“Well what happened after that!?” Pinkie exclaimed through a mouthful of popcorn
“I uhhh umm don't really feel comfortable talking about that while spike is around”
“Hhmm yesss” Pinkie said in a sage voice stroking a beard made out of popcorn she had somehow attached to her chin “That would explain why I'm pregnant”
“What?!” Twilight stated dumbfoundedly staring at Pinkie
“That's right Twilight” Pinkie Pie lunged at twilight knocking her onto her back “We’re having babies” at that last word confetti suddenly exploded from every where in the library and a giant banner bearing the words “Congratulations!” dropped from somewhere on the ceiling
“pinkie you knew about this?” Twilight said with an unreadable expression on her face
“Well my pinkie sense told me that something amazing was going to happen at the library. Ohhh” she said as she rubbed her muzzle against Twilight’s “I’m just so happy that its us. I was so worried that it might have been somebody else, and I’m so happy that its you Twilight.” Pinkie said with tears running down her face despite that huge grin plastered across it
“Yeah Pinkie so am I” Twilight said as she locked one hoof around Pinkies neck and gently kissed the tip of her nose.
It wasn't till about a month later when we heard the news, octuplets.
Now that you have heard my reason for my request for relocation Celestia I need to be relocated ASAP there are eight, yes eight. Pink and Purple Alicorns running around reeking havoc upon the library and i cant take it anymore please, I need to get out of here as soon as possible/
Signed Spike T. Dragon
P.S. I've heard that there is a infestation of tiny vampire ponies in Sweet Apple Acres with pink manes and orange coats. We haven't heard from either Applejack or Fluttershy in months and I'm starting to get worried