Discord vs Sheogorath 2: Q-ing up a storm

by Chaos Eclipsed

Rating: teen
Tags: My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Random, Discord, Crossover
Length: 3552

Two gods. Both unpredictable. Neither willing to surrender. And who's that third fellow over there?

In this (not) awaited sequel, the gods of Chaos and Madness return! They've already met, but when a third stranger arrives and stirs up trouble, what will the ultimate outcome be?

Whatever it is, there will be three omnipotent characters ready and willing to completely (slightly) maybe screw it up.

Possibly.

Published 2014-03-16 18:00:06 UTC
Last updated 2014-03-16 18:00:06 UTC

I don't know why a made this sequal but this might become a thing. Should this become a thing?

Discord and Sheogorath stared each other down. They were standing side by side, with their bodies facing the bowling lanes in front of them but their heads facing each other. Slowly, they both bent their arms back, swung forward and released their bowling balls upon the pins.

A strike for Discord, but Sheogorath ended up with the deadly 7-10 split. The two gave the split a good stare, Discord frowning at the Daedra’s misfortune. “Now that’s just painful to see. How are you going to escape this one?”

Sheogorath had already picked up another ball. “Like a good sport.” He answered, tossing his ball down the lane. The ball struck the seven pin, stopped abruptly, opened a large mouth and devoured the ten pin.

Another pony in the bowling alley stood up, pointing a hoof at Sheogorath. “He cheated! Everypony saw that! You cheated!”

Sheogorath held up his hands. “I was a good sport. It’s not my fault the ball was hungry!”

Discord shrugged. “It’s just a game.”

The pony pulled a pistol out of his bag. “Am I the only one around here who cares about the rules!?”

Another pony stood up, trying to calm the first pony down. “Come on, man. It’s just a game.”

Before the pistol-wielding pony could answer, he was suddenly and brutally turned into a chicken. “B-kawk!”

Sheogorath twirled his smoking Wabbajack. “Game over.”

Discord scratched his head. “I thought you gave that back to the loudmouth?”

Sheogorath paused, scratching his chin in thought.

<><><>

The Prince of madness was strolling jauntily across the rugged plains outside Whiterun, searching for his target with Wabbajack in hand.

Suddenly, his search ended when he heard his own voice cry out “Cheese! For Everyone!” and a swirling maelstrom of clouds appeared, its center just over the next hill.

Climbing the hill, Sheogorath saw Loudmouth standing in the middle of a cheese storm, wheels of cheese raining down and exploding upon contact with the ground.

At the amazing sight of the call of madness shout, Sheogorath took his Wabbajack and left. “If he can mod, he can console command, too.” The daedra reasoned.

He stopped just long enough to spawn a random wolf pack with his magic, ready to attack any low-level character that became too distracted by the rugged beauty of Skyrim.

Hearing the sound of screaming and snarling reach his ears, he knew that he had chosen his location well.

<><><>

Sheogorath shrugged. “Must have slipped my mind.” He chuckled and continued on his way, whistling merrily as Discord glided through the air behind him.

Suddenly, the god of chaos stopped, placing a lion paw on Sheogorath’s shoulder to stop the prince of madness in his tracks.

The daedra quirked an eyebrow, wondering what Discord was doing as the draconequiis took several paces, sniffing the air.

“There something wrong? Oh, I know!” Sheogorath decreed, with a snap of his fingers. “The Pink One’s baking again! Oh, wait, no! You stepped in somethin’!”

Discord continued to walk around the area, sniffing every so often.

“Ah! I stepped in somethin’!” Sheogorath checked the bottom of his feet. Seeing what was on his foot, he wrinkled his nose, using the end of his Wabbajack to scrape it off his shoe.

Sadly, even with it off his shoe, the public’s opinion of Rainbow Rocks wasn’t going to stop smelling anytime soon. There were even a few opinions of the first movie in there, despite the fact that it had turned out better than expected.

Discord shook his head. “No, this is something else… Something…” He took a long sniff, inhaling several butterflies that had come too close. Grinning, the draconequiis tapped his eagle claw and lions paw together, much like one who was in the middle of scheming. “…Brilliant.”

“Your fanfiction got accepted despite it being a total mockery of literature and not even proofread by anyone except yourself?” Sheogorath nodded his head, grimacing in pain for whoever stumbled across the visual letter diarrhea in question. “Hope ye’ve at least ran it through some grammar checks.”

“Close.” Discord said, grinning madly.

“Oi! That’s my territory!”

Discord, now grinning devilishly --

“Thank ye.”

-- chuckled. “To the east! There, our destiny awaits!”

“I’ll have you know that there is no way in Oblivion I’m going that far!” Sheogorath harrumphed, crossing his arms over his chest.

Discord sighed. “No, we aren’t going to Aus -- Grrk!” His throat closed unexpectedly, stopping him from finishing that sentence. Coughing a few times, he tried again. “We both know that Aus -- Grrk!”

Sheogorath looked down at Discord, whose face was slowly turning blue from lack of oxygen. You’d think he’d have plenty of practice holding his breath considering one lungful lasted thousands of years when he was a statue. “I think we shouldn’t try naming any specifics, just to be on the safe side.”

Nodding, Discord felt his breathing abilities return to him. “I didn’t mean that east.”

“Oh.” Sheogorath blinked, talking a moment to mull the situation over before clasping a hand around Discord’s shoulders. “Lead the way!”

<><><>

Stepping through a time-space anomaly was always something Q looked forward to when traveling across the multiple universes in existence.

Of course, every new and then, they left the user somewhere completely unexpected.

This was one of those times.

Normally, another portal did the trick and fixed the issue, but Q was curious about this previously unexplored plane of existence.

It was in technicolor, but that was a minor issue with the sheer amount of innocence and peace in the air.

“The perfect atmosphere to shake things up.” Q said, smiling to himself as he surveyed the land around him.

“It was over here!” An oddly familiar voice screamed, shooting towards Q like a rocket.

A strange amalgam of creatures, followed closely by a man in a dashing suit, was zooming towards the odd figure dressed in white.

“The voice of an angel!” The creature shouted. “Come Sheogorath, it was this way!”

“What in blazes are ye talking about?” The man called after it. “Curse you, you mismatched ragdoll, all I heard was you screaming!”

“It was the most beautiful sentence I had ever heard uttered!”

Q felt the creature land on him, staring into his eyes. “Did you see the angel?” It asked, again with that strangely familiar voice. Where had Q heard that voice before?

“You seem to be mistaken.” He said, hoping the creature would get off of him.

It worked, somewhat. The creature jumped back, the man called Sheogorath also jumping in shock.

Sheogorath was the first to recover. “Discord, you two have the same -- ”

“Angel!” Discord cried, hugging the now recovered Q’s legs. “And not that idiotic rabbit, either!”

“Get off!” Q demanded. “You hideous creature, I should turn you into a lawn ornament!”

“You ain’t a looker either, buddy.” Discord snapped. The two beings looked at each other for a moment until Discord broke down. “Oh, I give. I just can’t lie to a face that handsome and a voice that majestic!” He faked a swoon, falling back onto a pink cloud for emphasis. “Plus, I’ve already done the lawn ornament bit. It’s boring and rolling your eyes is quite the challenge.”

Q looked unamused. “There should be no possible way a creature like you could come into existence, if only because dodos were smarter and still got wiped out by stupidity.”

Before Discord could open his mouth to respond, Sheogorath whacked him on his head. “If you and your vocal doppelganger could shut up, I’d like to now what’s going on.” Sheogorath jammed his Wabbajack into the ground, leaving it sticking out of the ground as he pulled the two others apart. “And snappy, ‘fore I get Haskill to bore the readers with another poorly planned piece of wasted words that no one bothered to read anyway!” He rolled his eyes. “Honestly, that was the worst part of the first story. To focused on my side of this crossover to do anything interesting. And the headcanon! Ugh!”

Discord gasped. “That’s it! Don’t you see?” he cried, cupping Sheogorath’s cheeks in his hands. “It’s chapter two!”

“That was a one-shot!”

“Then it’s sequel-time!” Discord cried, pumping his fist into the air.

Sheogorath sighed. “We’re gonna have another talk with the Princesses, aren’t we?”

“Indubitably!”

Q slipped away from the two, obviously quite insane, beings.

“Where do you think you’re going?”

Q turned to find both Discord and Sheogorath facing him, arms crossed over their chests.

The purple-suited one with the staff spoke again. “We’re staying true to the original’s premise.” He said darkly, raising his staff. “Prepare to be Wabbajacked.”

Q snapped his fingers, appearing on the other side of the duo in a flash of white. “Trying to fight and defeat a Q is like trying to swat a fly with super-speed and bonus lives. It simply can’t be done.”

Discord snapped his own fingers and, with his own flash of white, appeared next to Q. The god of chaos chuckled. “So, this’ll be fun after all.”

Q let his eyes widen in surprise for a split second, before he recovered his wits and prepared his powers.

“Sneak attack!” Sheogorath cried, firing his Wabbajack at Q. “That’s why rogues rule!”

Q stepped out of the way of the blast.

Discord face-palmed. “A good portion of magical attacks don’t benefit from sneak attacking. Besides, you fall under the mage-fighter multi-class.”

“But I have a very roguish demeanor.” Sheogorath proclaimed, patting himself on the back despite not having read the rulebook. “Besides, it’s a homing attack, so I’m still gonna hit him.”

Q grabbed Discord, and used him as a shield. Just in time, too, as the Wabbajack’s energy projectile had curved around and had nearly hit him.

The draconequiis took the attack head on, allowing Q to step away as he began to shake and twitch.

Discord fell still for a moment, and then his fur immediately puffed out. Since only certain parts of his body had fur on them, the extra fluffiness only made him even more mismatched than he already was.

He raised his eagle claw, pointing at Q. “I see your puffy fluff.” He declared, though how he saw anything was unknown as his eyes were covered by the fluff. “And I raise you… a Fluffle Puff!”

Sheogorath took a moment to look horrified, then gasped and took off down the nearest street.

Ignoring the random appearance of an entire street, Q watched as Sheogorath ran away, turning back just to be assaulted by a giant, pink, fuzzy ball that Discord threw at him. Thrown to the ground by the forceful impact, Q saw a head emerge from the fluff, say something akin to “pfft” and bounce away.

Sheogorath reappeared, his Wabbajack staff still in hand. “I see your Fluffle Puff and raise you - pause for dramatic effect - a certain chocolate cereal brand that rhymes with ‘Loco Huff’!”

Discord coughed. “That joke’s come and gone.”

Now certain in his throat not randomly closing on him, Sheogorath shouted the brand name. “Cocoa Puff!” A grip popped out of the Wabbajack, allowing Sheogorath to heft it on his shoulder like one would a rocket propelled grenade. The staff charged for a split-second before releasing an all-mighty blast at Discord.

Discord flinched when the single piece of cereal hit him in the face.

Grabbing the piece of crunchy breakfast chocolate, he popped it into his mouth, nodding in approval at the taste.

Sheogorath shrugged at Q, a wide grin stretching across his face. “Shoulda used the plural.”

Sheogorath was immediately assaulted by a flock of seagulls, cries of “Mine?” echoing hundreds of times per second. While a high-pitched scream that most certainly belonged to a random, out of sight school-girl observer and not Sheogorath pierced the air, the daedra took off at breakneck speeds, the flock of seagulls following soon after.

So quick was Sheogorath to retreat, that his Wabbajack was left spinning in the air, the energy of its master’s departure so great that it let the staff defy gravity long enough for Discord to wrap his claw around it.

“Mine!” He shouted, though his voice sounded exactly like the seagulls he had sent after Sheogorath. Q rose, fully realizing that the two beings had begun a war that would not soon end. Seeing as he had already been dragged into it, he decided to play along.

Seeing Q rise up and prepare himself for combat, Discord sighed regretfully. “It isn’t everyday that a voice as beautiful as that must go to waste.” He said sadly, tears in his eyes. He immediately perked up, however, as he prepared to utilize the Wabbajack. “Oh, well! Time to be disintegrated!”

Before he fired his attack, he was completely frozen, ice crystals covering his body while Q chuckled and dusted his hands off. Sheogorath reappeared yet again, this time holding a pair of fish from a coral reef whilst covered in bird feathers and sequels that take far too long to come out.

Brushing the offending scraps from his suit, the Prince of Madness clacked his heels together, holding a golden cane. On the bottom of the cane was a glorious red jewel, while atop it rested the smiling head of a demon, its soulless eyes filled with hate for all things living. For during his epic journey to rid himself of annoying birds, Sheogorath had come across one of the greatest and most corrupting powers in existence, unwittingly unleashing its evil upon the world once more.

The Twilicane had returned, vengeance in its soul. Or at least there would be, if it had one. It’s actually just a very strange looking stick.

Taking Q by surprise, Sheogorath spun the Twilicane, bringing it up and crashing the head into the being’s chin.

“I’d tell ya to freeze, but that opportunity’s passed us by!” Sheogorath declared, thwacking Discord on the frozen head. The ice shattered, leaving a shivering draconequiis lying next to the Wabbajack, which Sheogorath retrieved.

Wabbajack in one hand and Twilicane in the other, the Daedric Prince dug his heel into the ground, preparing to charge Q.

His goal: 87 miles per hour.

Any more and a DeLo-- Grrk!

<><><>

EXPERIENCING TECHNICAL DERPY-CULTIES

WE JUST DON’T KNOW WHAT WENT WRONG

PLEASE STAND BY

<><><>

“Honestly, we already did the ‘no specifics’ bit, what with Discord and all -- ”

“It was painful.” Discord sighed, rubbing his throat.

“ -- so I don’t see how the narrator thought it’d be funny to do again, ‘specially since we actually said the bit was done! What’s worse, if this goes far enough classify as a meta-fic, we might not pass moder-- What!? We’re back on!?” Sheogorath jumped to his feet. “Quick, assume the position!”

Sheogorath grabbed the Wabbajack and the Twilicane, returning to his battle stance.

Q resumed awaiting Sheogorath’s attack and generally being as charming as can possibly be without snapping the laws of physics in half.

Discord moved off camera because he was technically out of the scene at the moment and was awaiting his cue to return to the fight.

Now, where were we?

Ah, yes.

Any more and a certain car from a certain movie centering on time travel and its effects might show up and throw off what little stability is left in the world.

Sheogorath stopped suddenly, abandoning his built up energy to look at something just over Q’s shoulder. “What in Oblivion?”

Q frowned. “If you think me simple-minded enough to fall for that trick, I’m afraid this fight will be rather short.”

Sheogorath ignored him, going around to look at the thing that had distracted him. Poking at the golden bit laying on the ground, he noted the carved gem on its upper side. “I say! This must be the new septim! Impressive design, though the resolution’s a bit lower…”

“That’s a bit.” Discord stated matter-of-factly, completely recovered. “Equestrian currency.”

“Well, let’s not let it go to waste, shall we?” Sheogorath said, putting the bit into a nearby jukebox and selecting a song.

Within moments, the sound of pure epic-ness pierced the air around them.

Q blinked. “Is… Is his taste in music that bad?”

“I like it.” Discord said as Sheogorath began lip-syncing with the song.

“Why?” Q asked.

“Stay on the internet for long enough, it grows on you.” Discord said. “Plus, it’s genuinely good, despite its history.”

Q raised his hands, watching as a completely random lightning bolt -- from a cloudless sky, no less -- came down and destroyed the jukebox.

Sheogorath turned, angered at his jam being silenced. “Who signed their death sentence?” He growled. You know he was being serious because the air around him visibly darkened, like in an anime.

Q pointed at Discord, backing away several dozen paces.

Discord looked at Q in shock. “But, I though we were identical voice buddies?”

Q simply gave him a questioning look when Sheogorath hit Discord with the strength of both arms, with the Twilicane and Wabbajack serving as a pair of bats. Discord sailed at Q, but the being sidestepped and remained unharmed. Scowling at the daedra, Q created an energy barrier around Sheogorath, trapping him in an energy web.

Discord flicked Q on the ear, creating a sharp sense of pain that has only ever been humbled by paper cuts and stepping on a lego.

The energy barrier around him dissipated, Sheogorath huzzah’d. “No prison can contain the madness of Sheogorath!” He tried to move, but found himself unable to. “Huh?”

Q had bound Discord in several layers of chains, leaving the god of chaos wiggling on the ground while he had restored Sheogorath’s prison. “As fun as it’s been, I’m afraid that this is rather dull compared to my preferred hobbies. Lesser creatures don’t antagonize themselves, after all.” Q rubbed his chin as Discord rose up behind him, freed of his bonds.

Discord grabbed at the being, but mist. No seriously, Q turned into a fine mist and slipped between Discord’s fingers.

“Homophone jokes?” Sheogorath angrily shouted from his cage as Discord looked around for Q. “We did this last time! ‘Deer’ was bad enough, but this is terrible. I demand originality!” He charged his Wabbajack and fired a blast at his cage, trying to break out.

However, the blast bounced off the walls of the energy cage, coming back and slamming into Sheogorath.

Discord kneeling by the cage, large diamond ring in hand, was all Sheogorath needed to know what happened. However, he looked down anyway, and found his vision obscured.

Ladygorath was back, ladies and gentlemen!

Sheogorath snarled at Discord. “Get up, you buffoon! This isn’t the time!”

“So, there is a time?”

Sheogorath turned to see Q wink at her.

“She’s mine!” Discord shouted, pouncing at Q.

Snapping his fingers, Q dodged the attack with a quick teleport. “Oh, come now. We’re all entitled to a little fun now and then. Besides, my time’s almost up.”

With a clap of his hands, Q turned Sheogorath back to normal and freed him from the energy cage.

Discord snatched the twilicane from Sheogorath, waving it at Q menacingly. “Oh, no. This battle hasn’t had a definitive end. The audience demands a proper resolution! All that’s happened so far is us throwing a few punches. None of us have really used our cosmic powers to their fullest yet.”

The god of chaos snapped the twilicane in two and tossed the remains into a deep pit, where they will hopefully remain until the end of time itself.

Discord stood his ground. “This time, there will be none of that cop-out where it ends in a chess match.”

Sheogorath scratched the back of his head. “I don’t think us destroying everything will make for a much better ending…”

Q raised a hand. “What if we three teamed up and cooperatively annoyed, antagonized and toyed with some of this world’s inhabitants? That was my plan anyway, and you two seem like you have some experience in the field.”

Sheogorath and Discord shared a glance, before nodding to each other, trading grins.

<><><>

“So that’s why you three ate all the cookies?” Celestia asked, frowning at the trio.

Discord chuckled. “They were good cookies…”

“THEY WERE CHOCALATE CHIP!” Luna screamed in the royal caps lock.

“And it took me almost all day to bake that many!” Cadance sighed, looking at the empty trays in the kitchen.

Twilight Sparkle comforted her sister-in-law. “I can get Pinkie to help you, but as for you three.” She said, turning to the guilty. “What do you have to say for yourselves?”

Discord raised a claw.

“Yes, Discord?” Twilight asked.

“Every man for himself!” Discord shouted, teleporting out.

Sheogorath ran out the door, startling several guards as he sped past.

Q jumped out a window.

The four princesses stood, mouths open in shock.

“That didn’t go as planned.” Twilight mumbled.

Luna was grinding her teeth together, the lust for vengeance in her eyes.

Cadance bowed her head in defeat and began trying to salvage the kitchen.

Celestia hid the one surviving cookie in her mane for when she was in a safer location.