Samurai Jackson: Jump into Equestria
Samurai Jackson, the king of boxing jump. He didn't want Equestria, or to go to it. But such is the way of the jump. You see, in his hay-day, he was quite the lord of the land. People looked up to him for the commands of conquering. And they were successful. What a force he was... But today? Why, today he wasn't even a penny of what he was before, he was just a lonely little duckling jumping around for food, this is all he could do. But why was he so poor? As before, he was the lord, now he was dog pee puddle.
Plain and simple:
THE FREE MARKET HAS SPOKEN
~
Today was no different, Samurai Jackson was jumping like 400 light years into the Chinese restaurant in which he was eating in. But oh jeez, the sweaty little children asked him to leave because he couldn't stay seated without jumping up so high, it was scaring the dogs in the back. But Samurai Jackson was not having it that day. He slashed and dashed the bony kids. The blood, it was nowhere to drain, and so naturally the chairs were bloody. Oh gross. Anyway, the towns people unleashes the dogs of war but they were scared, they picked up their spears and pitchforks and chased away Samurai Jackson. Now Samurai Jackson had killed many (for example, there was a roach) but this was too many! It was like that scene from The Matrix Reloaded, except Samurai Jackson wasn't able to handle the sheer number. So he ran.
"Chase Jackson! Chase Jackson! He has no bones!" They yelled.
Now because Samurai Jackson was athlete super-star king of boxing jump, he ran away and they could not catch him. He ran all the way to the hill, kind of like that one from The Nightmare Before Christmas. He pondered.
"What can I possibly do. I have not had the power of a lord in eons... I'm nothing now, and they all hate me."
They was nothing but give up in him. So he did what he felt was right. He was going to kill himself. How? By jumping. Samurai Jackson was going to jump so high, that he would die when he hit the ground.
"Good idea" He thought.
He compressed all the power in his body into the legs, and got ready for the biggest jump ever seen by man. After his legs soaked up all the jump juice, he released, and jumped extremely high. He jumped so high that he left the planets atmosphere, and even went past the moon. He realized that he wasn't going to be able to hit the ground and die by this point.
"I'm screwed" He said.
But wait, it didn't end. You see, he kept going. He jumped so high he was going faster than light, and quickly smashed against the edge of the universe... So what happened? He went into another universe of course! The smash was intense, and left him unconscious. He drifted through this new universe, and eventually fell on a planet. In Equestria.
He woke up, and was in confused.
"Oh no! I thought I was dead!"
But no, and now he will continue to suffer the eyes of judging ponies... Wait, ponies? Yeah, that's right, there were ponies all around him, eye balling him. Wondering what he was, and mocking him.
This was just the beginning of what would become the biggest, most ultimateness thing of all time...
(Find out next chapter.)
Samurai Jackson: Jump into Equestria
"Oh god no! Stop it!" He pleaded, but there was no mercy.
He was surrounded by judging little ponies. They simply wouldn't stop.
Samurai Jackson looked around, looking for a way to escape. He couldn't really run or jump away so fast, his previous jump was so extreme, he was tired. To tired to mess around. He couldn't even fight them back, and they threw rocks at him. He was about to give in, until he saw a little purple dragon and a orange filly wave at him through a manhole. How interesting, it seems as if they wanted him to follow. So he did. He used all his energy to go over by the manhole, and jump in with the dragon and filly.
The dragon closed the manhole. It was dark and smelling like the horse rear in there, but it was peace. Peace, dog. Finally, the sound of annoying little pone-pones was gone, no more insults. Samurai Jackson looked around, and only saw the purple dragon and orange filly.
"What's going on! Where am I?" Samurai Jackson questioned.
"Hey, calm down. You're in Ponyville now." The purple dragon said.
"I'm Spike. This is my fillyfriend Scootaloo". Spike introduced.
You see, Spike and Scoots were outcasted from Pony society for different reasons. Spike was the new age author and thinker, and that was shunned. Scootaloo was orphaned, and ran around stealing pony poo (long story).
"We're freedom fighters, looking to make Ponyville healthier, and not so dumb." Scootaloo added.
Samurai Jackson wondered... Why did he end up here? Why couldn't he just die? Why did he now have a worst life than before?
"I'm Samurai Jackson... I don't even know how I got here!" Samurai pleaded, hoping somehow he could convince the universe to let him die.
"I don't either" Spike said...
"Look, come with me, I'll explain everything. Put on these glasses, the ponies won't be able to recognize us..."
They wen't up to the surface, and there were ponies, ponies everywhere. A massive crowd of them walked towards Samurai Jackson and Spike.
"Don't worry, just act natural". Spike said as he walked into the crowd. Samurai Jackson followed, struggling to keep up with Spike and bumping into ponies occasionally.
"Look around, Jackson. What do you see?" Spike asked.
"Uh... A lot of stupid shit!" Jackson replied, as he saw a sign outside someponies house that said "BLACK PONIES EAT POOP".
"The System." Spike corrected.
"Equestria is a system, Samurai Jackson, and that system is our enemy... But when you're inside, you look around. What do you see? Business ponies, teachers, lawyers, carpenters. The very minds of the ponies we are trying to save. But until we do, these ponies are still a part of that system, and that makes them our enemy." Spike lectured.
"I don't get it," Jackson questioned, "What's wrong with this place?"
"Don't you remember how they treated you on arrival? They mocked you, threw rocks at you, and you were powerless." Spike reminded Jackson.
They turned a corner...
"Look..." Spike said, pointing...
There was a unit of ponies in purple armor marching down the street. Jackson could make out "BY THE ORDERS OF TWILIGHT SPARKLE" written on their armor.
"Twilight Sparkle has been in power for a grand total of 4 moons. She has no idea how to rule, and instead of dealing with the stress, she decided that it would just be easier to give all responsibility to the royal guard, therefor creating a military dictatorship. The Elements of Harmony tried to rebel against the fascism, but they failed, and were publicly executed. With the Elements of Harmony gone, Ponyville, and all of Equestria became ignorant and hateful." Spike concluded.
Samurai Jackson didn't know what the "Elements" were, but he could still understand what Spike meant.
A pony walks by, standing out from all the ponies, as she is wearing a bright red dress, and bright red lipstick. Jackson stares.
"You have to understand, most of these ponies are not ready to quite being bigots." Spike ranted,
"And many of them are so inert, so hopelessly dependent on the system, that they will fight to protect it. Were you listening to me, Jackson? Or were you looking at the pony in the red dress?" Spike asked.
"Yeah I was totally looking at that pony". Jackson admitted.
"Yeah me too." Spike said.
'Let's go back to the manhole, it's been quite the day." Spike finally suggested.
And they did, they walked back and jumped in the manhole. Jackson settled in, and rested for the night. He had quite the day...
Author's Note
Okay now by this point I have absolutely no idea what the hell I'm writing.
