Grave Matters

by Malefic Scholar

Rating: everyone
Tags: Slice of Life, Comedy
Length: 4753

Going to a new school can be a trying experience for any foal.

Going to a new school can be a trying experience for any foal.

The son of a family of Morticians, Wake has been granted the opportunity to receive a world class education at Celestia's school for gifted unicorns.

Now far from home and his family; Wake faces the daunting task of surviving mountains of homework, irate teachers, and an annoying filly that just wont leave him alone.

Wake doesn't want any of this, Wake just wants to go home.

Praeco Nigrum: co Author/sounding board.

Published 1970-01-01 00:00:00 UTC
Last updated 2014-03-07 04:40:26 UTC

Prologue

"Take that fillies!" Wake yelled from atop his mighty Snow castle, it had battlements that would have made any guard give a tear of pride to just be on its walls. The rebuts shot high into the sky, along with the soaring towers and other cathedral like structures.

"Men! Fire the snow-apults!" Upon Wakes command, hundreds of Snow Golems let loose their mighty Snow-apults and launched thousands of snowballs into the air, right at a mass of mares and fillies on the far side of his castles moat.

The Mares and Fillies were soon covered in about three feet of snow. The Golems and Wake cheered for their victory over the cooty horde!

"Yeah! We did it Wake! WAKE! WAKE!"  the cheers of his men became higher and higher pitched until eventually their voices were replaced by the sounding of a ringing bell…..

______________________________________________________________________________

Wake twitched under his sheets as his alarm clock went off, the chiming bell ripping him from a comfortable dream of hurling snowballs at passing fillies. Groaning, he clumsily slammed his hoof into his alarm clock and pushed it behind his night stand.

Sighing happily, he burrowed back into the warm cocoon of his blankets his eyes slowly drifting closed.

“Wakey wakey, Wake!” a shrill voice a voice cried as a Filly shaped projectile slammed him out of his bed, sending him and his giggling attacker to the floor in a pile of blankets and thrashing limbs.

“Go ‘way,” came the muffled reply as he began crawling back to his bed, heedless of the unholy terror that was his twin sister as she clung to blankets he dragged behind him. ”Is Sunday.” Wake continued, as he plopped face first into his mattress before he slowly wrapping himself back in his blankets. A happy smile on his face as he once again began drifting off. “Sleep.”

“Nuh uh” came the indignant reply as a pair of tiny hooves pushed into his side, trying once more to push him from the warm sanctuary that was his bed. “Mom said you have to wake up,” the tiny voice grunted as she pushed once more into her brother’s side. “she said you have to catch the train.”

Wakes smile evaporated like an ice cube in a kiln.

“She said that if you don’t get up now you won’t have time for breakfast!” The filly continued as she began bodily hurling herself into him. “ Dad is making waffles...so...get,”

“I’m going ..I’m going,” Wake mumbled as he began peeling of the blankets

“...UP!”

Pain lanced through Wakes side as his sister turned and slammed her rear hooves into him, bucking him from his bed.

He opened his eyes in time to see a off white tail fleeing the room with his blankets in tow.

Rolling to his hooves Wake stumbled out of the tiny room and into the kitchen, eventually finding his way to his seat, heedless of his parents as they rushed to and fro, checking lists and packing his bags.

“Morning dear,” his mother greeted as she rushed past him a pair of suitcases levitating behind her, “Eat up your train leaves in an hour.” He nodded his head glumly, earning himself a consoling nuzzle. “Oh don't be like,” that she continued. “I’m sure you'll have lots of fun and make new friends in Canterlot. Besides you like learning magic don’t you?” Wake nodded again not looking up from the blow of cereal he was idly stirring.

“But why can’t you teach me?” he asked as he turned to his mother feeling his eyes sting with oncoming tears. “I'll work really hard and …. and I’ll clean my room every day… and I’ll help you at work…”

“Wake,” His mother began, setting down the luggage and sitting next to him.

“I’ll water the flowers and... and mow the lawn...” He whined, tears streaming down his face unashamedly.

“WAKE!” his mother said firmly as he broke down into full blown tears.

“I don’t want to leave!” he blubbered, wrapping his hooves as far around his mother’s barrel as he could and sobbing into her shoulder. “please don’t send me away!”

His sobbing abated slightly as he felt his mother return his embrace.

“It’s only for a few months sweetie,” She reassured as she levitated a tissue to dab at his nose, ignoring the sizable patch of tears and mucous left over on her coat. ”The campus is closed during Hearth’s warming and you can come visit then... Okay?”

He only held on tighter. Sighing to herself the mare wrapped him in magic and gently pried him off.

Finding his luggage now joining him in his orbit around his mother, Wake went limp and sulked as he was taken to the living room where his father waited with his sister sitting on his back.

“Not to eager to leave I see.” The stallion quipped as Wake was deposited in front of him. “Don't worry sport; your old stallion had a great time at the academy. Sports, parties...fillies, everything a growing colt needs!

Wake made disgusted noises as he was lifted onto his father back and carried out the door into the busy Manehattan street.

He lapsed into a depressed silence as his father hailed a passing taxi. Tearfully observing the familiar scenery as the family made its way towards the train station.

“Why isn't Vigil coming?” Wake asked as they arrived at the train station.

“We’ve been over this squirt,” His father sighed “Your sister is an earth pony, she can't do magic.” The stallion rubbed Wake’s head. “ I know you're scared, and you will be a little lonely at first, but you'll make lots of friends I promise.”

The Manhattan train station was a busy affair with at least half a dozen terminals servicing hundreds of ponies.

Wake’s father paused a moment as he scanned the crowd.

“Mr. Cenotaph!” a voice shouted over the dull roar of the crowd. Wake turned to examine the speaker.

The Unicorn stallion was wearing a blue sweater over his own tawny coat, a pair of grey eyes started haughtily down at Wake as he approached.

“Mr. Sunbeam  a pleasure to finally meet you in pony.” Wake’s father greeted as he reached out a hoof.

“Professor Sunbeam,actually.” The teacher corrected as he shook the offered hoof with a slight grimace. “I have come to collect Wake.”

Wake gulped and began backing away from the strange stallion, only to collide with his mother’s blocking hoof. He sank to his

stomach and folded his ears, staring piteously at the assembled adults.

His father merely smiled and rubbed his mane again before depositing his sister next to him.

“Say goodbye to your brother Vigil.” He instructed, as the pale brown filly walked towards her brother.

“Bye Wake,” She have him a quick hug. “I’m taking your room.”

The adults chuckled as Wake sunk lower to the ground the expression on his face becoming increasingly pathetic.

Wake turned to his mother, preparing to once more tearfully request to stay when he was cut off by the trains whistle.

“All aboard!” A Stallions voice shouted as Wake was swept up in a grey aura by Professor Sunbeam.

Wake thrashed madly against the older unicorn’s magic as he was taken aboard the train, and away from his waving parents.

******************

Wake found himself dumped in a private car with a half dozen other unicorn foals. the other students chatting easily with each other or reading books. Professor Sunbeam sat in a corner a book in hoof though his eyes would occasionally dart up to examine his charges.

He scares me. Wake thought to himself as he took a position as far away as he could from the stallion and the other foals.I want to go home. He felt tears welling in his eyes as he clutched his suitcase tighter to himself.

“What’s your problem?” A voice suddenly asked, making him jump in his seat. He whirled around to see a dark orange filly wearing a knit cap staring down at him contemptuously. “You missing your mommy?”

“No,” Wake retorted as he scrubbed his face with a dark grey forelimb.” I just have something in my eye.”

The filly rolled her amber eyes before vaulting over the seat and settling next to him. “Names Autumn Leaves.” The filly said as she extended her forehoof towards him. “What’s your name?”

“Wake,” he replied as he shrank away from the filly’s hoof, curling into a ball on the far edge of the seat.

“Didn’t your mother teach you any manners?” The Filly asked indignantly as she shook her hoof at the cowering colt. “When someone offers you their hoof you shake it.”

Wake shook his head and did his best to become an even smaller target. “I don’t wanna” he squeaked as he pulled his suitcase between himself and the filly, hiding behind it like a shield.

“Why not?” she asked tilting her head to the side in a manner that reminded Wake of a dog he had seen on a walk with his mother.

“You have cooties,” He whispered, averting his eyes and examining a very interesting flower painted on the wall.

“Say again?” Autumn asked, leaning in closer and cupping a peaked ear with a hoof. “ I didn't catch that.”

“You have cooties,” He mumbled as he shrank even further behind his brief case shield, wondering whether or not he would be able to slip under the seat before the filly came even closer.

“I cant hear you~”,

“YOU HAVE COOTIES!” Wake screeched as he dove under the seat.

The car immediately erupted into screams as the foals heard that one of their number had that most dastardly of diseases. Each began racing around screaming their heads off and generally making a mess of things as Wake cowered under his seat.

“I do not have Cooties,” Autumn shrieked as she dove under the seat after Wake,crawling towards the colt with a look in her eyes that he did not like... at all.

His refuge violated, Wake abandoned his brief case and clambered up the seat behind it, Autumn in swift pursuit behind him.

“Yes, you do!” he called back as he shoved aside a particularly chubby colt, “You’re a filly, all fillies have cooties!”

The other colts in the car immediately stopped and stared wide eyed as they found themselves surrounded on all sides by Cootie carriers.

The Fillies on the other hand glared with all the venom their sex provided at the small grey colt standing on top of a seat, their cheeks reddening in anger at the accusation that they to have cooties.

“We do not!” A Mint green filly with golden eyes shouted as she hurled a stuffed bear at the colt, the furry projectile catching Wake in the chest, knocking him off his perch and into the pair of fillies who were sitting in the seat below him.

“Yeah!” A blue filly with a white and blue mane that reminded Wake of toothpaste cried as she began beating on him with her own stuffed companion, raining blow after blow on his head.

“Apologize!” Autumn shrieked as she dove down into the pile of Fillies pummeling Wake, only to be caught in a grey field of magic inches away from the battered colt.

All eyes turned to Professor Sunbeam, who adopted an expression so cold that even those foals who had not participated in the melee adopted a guilty expression.

“Every pony returns to your seats…..now.” Sunbeam hissed the last word, his tone sending the foals scurrying back to their seats.

Reunited with his luggage Wake watched wide eyed as the sweater wearing stallion marched to the front of the car, he shivered when those cold grey eyes met his own.

“Now,” Sunbeam began, glaring at each foal in turn “I don't know who started this..”

A half dozen hooves pointed at Wake, who made himself as small as possible.

“And I don’t care. Henceforth I expect all of you to conduct yourself in a manner befitting students at her majesties academy, Do I make myself clear?”

The Foals nodded their heads, with the exception of the Mint green filly that raised a hoof questioningly.

“Yes, Ms. Heartstrings?”

“What does hensfork mean?”

Sunbeam sighed and rubbed the bridge of his snout with a hoof.

“From now on, Ms. Heartstrings… And its pronounced henceforth. Any other questions?”

Sunbeam sighed again as more hooves shot in the air.

He does that a lot. Wake thought as he made himself comfortable. Clutching his suitcase to his chest, as he watched the increasingly resigned professor answer question after question.

“Now if there are any other questions?” The Wake scanned the room, but the other foals hooves remained firmly at their sides, with the exception of the one chubby colt who had one firmly lodged up his nose.

Gross.

Continuing his observation, he noted the filly who was chasing him earlier was still glaring at him. With a glow of her horn she brought a straw to her mouth and…

Wake flinched as something damp and sticky launched itself at his face, lodging itself to his horn. Reaching up with a hoof he grimaced in distaste as he felt the slimy substance. Shuddering he attempted to pull his hoof away only to find it firmly stuck to his horn.

“Mr. Sunbeam!” the mint green filly suddenly shouted as she pointed a hoof at Wake.

“That’s Professor… Sweet Celestia boy! Have you no shame?” Sunbeam stomped over to loom angrily over Wake. “That is a disgusting habit, and to do it in public no less! I demand you remove your hoof immediately!.”

Wake frantically began tugging away at his horn, but it remained stuck fast. His movements succeeding only in jerking his head back and forth, this only seemed to upset Professor Sunbeam further.

The Stallion quickly magically seized the object of his ire with his and pulled Wake into the air, shaking him back and forth in an attempt to remove his hoof.

“Fine,” he spat after a few moments of fruitless shaking. “If your so set on such deplorable behavior you can do it in the cargo car. Alone!”

Wake was once again lifted from his seat as he was carried to the back of the car. The rest of the foals laughing at his misfortune as Sunbeam slid the door to the next car open, none to gently placing him in the new dank smelling car.

“Perhaps some time alone will let you think on your actions. And both your councilor and your parents will be hearing of your...perversion.” Sunbeam turned up his nose and walked away. Closing and locking the door behind him.

 Leaving Wake in the dark.

Alone.

Ch1.

A cold wind blew through the  hallway, its caress sending a shiver up wakes spine as he waited next to a door; his parents flanking him on either side.

“You’ll be fine Wake,” His mother reassured as she rubbed his back in small circles. “Just like we practised at home.”

The door cracked open and a frowning, yellow stallion peered out. “Next,”

Wake could have sworn his heart froze in his chest. He hadn't been this frightened since his parents had taken him to get his shots.

He turned to his mother, only to find his parents, the bench, and the rest of the hallway had vanished only to be replaced by a dark lecture hall.

“Hatch the egg,” a voice hissed from the shadows.

He jerked his head in the direction of the voice, stifling a scream as five sets of glowing green eyes stared back at him.

“Hatch the egg,” the voice hissed again, more insistently.

His ears twitched as he heard something snaking its way through the darkness around him. He shuddered as he turned to the egg, its dark form glinting wetly under a harsh light that Wake swore wasn't there a moment ago.

“Hatch the egg,” a voice purred into his ear as he felt something slowly winding its way up his hind legs.

He flinched as he desperately focused his magic on the egg doing his best to crack the shell

”Hatch the egg,” The tendrils were halfway to his chest when the shell began to crack.

“Hatch the egg,” the crack spider webbed its way across the egg.

“HATCH THE EGG!” the voice all but shouted, as Wake felt something making its way around his neck. Slamming his eyes shut, he put everything he had through his horn.

The shell of the egg shattered, the crackling of the shell seemingly driving away both the voices and the tendrils.

Cracking his eyes open, Wake jerked his head around, the voices, eyes and whatever was crawling up his back where gone.

Completing his search Wake slowly turned back to the egg, the shards of the shell resting in the pile of hay that protected it.

Shuffling closer to examine it better, he jumped when the pile twitched.

Jerking his head around one more time to sure he was still alone he leaned in closer, fearfully moving a piece of egg with his muzzle, revealing a small pile of black wet, feathers.

The cart groaned as the raven swelled in size, three glowing green eyes glared scornfully at Wake as he fell on his back and began to crawl away, his teary eyes wide in terror.

The giant raven cawed mockingly before it launched itself at him.

The screeching of the cars side door heralded the return of sunlight to the dark cargo car, the light temporarily blinding the cars sole occupant. Wake brought up his now free hood to shield his eyes

“Get up,” A shadow fell over Wake as his eyes peeked over the grey foreleg.” Your councillor wants to see you.”

“But I didn't do anything wrong!” Wake whined as he was hauled out of the nest of luggage he had made for himself. “ It was the orange filly… Autumn I think her name was.”

“Silence you miscreant!” Sunbeam barked as he pushed Wake along.” I'll not have you besmirching the other student’s reputation with your baseless accusations. Now march!

Wake’s eyes and ears wilted as he was dragged through the train station and into a coach. He sat in silence for what felt like hours as Sunbeam glowered at him from the seat opposite to him.

Not for the first time today he wished he was still at home with his parents and his sister. They would just be sitting down for lunch, he could imagine the pile of daisy sandwiches and soup as Vigil would go on about the adventures she had with her friends that morning. His gut twisted at the thought of his family sitting down with out him.

“We have arrived.”

The carriage had stopped in front of a large marble building that Wake recognized from his first trip to the school.

“Out,”

Wake found himself pushed through the carriage’s door before he could react, Sunbeams magic leaving him in a heap on the ground.

“Gently, Sunbeam,’ a matronly voice chided as a set of white hooves halted before Wake’s muzzle.

“The little ingrate is fine.” Sunbeam retorted as Wake stumbled to his hooves.

“I’m sure,” the orange hooves owner replied dryly as Wake’s leg trembled beneath him, wincing when he noticed along scrape on his fetlock.

“Well I'll take him from here,” the mare said as Wake made his way to his hooves. ”come along.

He looked up in time to see an orange rump disappear into the building the carriage had parked outside off.

He turned to look back at the professor, only to be clipped by his suitcase as it was lobbed towards him.

“I would refrain from unpacking,” The stallion said, his eyes glaring coldly down at Wake.

The carriage sped off, the pale blue stallion pulling it sparing Wake a sympathetic glance as he turned a corner.

“Oh don’t worry about him,” The mare’s voice suddenly spoke right next to his ear, Wake flinching away from the sneaky mare who had come up behind him. “Now come along...Wake, was it? Let’s get that scrape looked at.”

He nodded and followed the mare into the building.

************

“So that’s your story eh?” the counselor asked as the mare dabbed a swath of cotton into a jar of what Wake could have sworn was acid by the way its contents made his scrape burn. “A filly shot you with some manner of glue pellet and your hoof got stuck to your horn.”

Wake nodded emphatically for a moment before letting out a whine as the hydrogen peroxide was dabbed once again into the scrape.

“ I’m sure...” the mare replied dryly as she wrapped a cloth around Wakes leg. ”Well in the future, when a filly tries to introduce herself to you, I recommend not accusing her and most of your future class of having cooties.” Amber reinforced this with a sharp tug on the bandage, earning another emasculating yelp of pain.

“There,” Amber leaned back, her green eyes examining the bandage a moment before nodding her head in satisfaction. ”Good as new”

Looking at his bandage a moment, Wake looked shyly back to the mare, who was looking at him expectantly “Thank you miss…”

“Amber,” the mare replied as she picked up Wake from his perch on a high desk, and gently deposited him on the floor.

“Am I still in trouble?” he asked after a moment, shifting nervously, his gaze not quite reaching the adults  face. “Can I go home?

“Hmmmm,” Amber sat down, a hoof scratching her chin as she adopted a thoughtful pose. “No I suppose not, at least not with your teachers, though i recommend avoiding Professor Sunbeam for a while.” Amber smiled as Wake gave a relieved sigh. “Though, you still have a class full of fillies who are no doubt quite upset at you.” Amber paused, her smile faded slightly.

“Why would you want to go home? Don’t you want to learn magic?”

“I do...” Wake scuffed the floor with his uninjured hoof” its just….”

“You miss your family,” Amber said simply.

Wake nodded.

“Don’t worry about it.” Wake winced as Amber have him a noogie

The pair walked through the streets of Canterlot for a time, Wake rubbernecking as they made their way through the capital

“So,” Amber began after a few minutes of silence as Wake gaped at the wonders of Canterlot. “I hear you had a bit of an altercation with some fillies on the train.”

“I'm not afraid of them,” Wake said, puffing out his tiny chest, stomping his injured hoof into the ground. His facade crumbled as he jumped and cradled his injured forelimb.

Amber laughed a moment at the colts posturing a moment before she picked up the whining foals suitcase.

“Alright hot stuff,” Amber laughed as she nudged Wake away from a particularly eye catching display in a window. “Let’s get you all set up in your room, im sure your roommate is eager to meet you!”

After returning to the campus, Amber led wake up a winding street towards one of the dorms located in the back of the school grounds.

The building itself wasn't particularly impressive compared to the white marble castle that the school resided next to, but the hard granite walls exuded a palpable sense of age and security. The dorm had multiple stories, the roof terminating in a massive bell tower that reminded Wake of the chapel his parents worked at in the Manehattan graveyard.

“Well come on!” Amber said as prodded wake with her muzzle, distracting him from his examination of a set of massive Gargoyles taking the form of a pair of bat winged pegasi bearing massive fangs in silent snarls.

“What are those?” Wake asked as he was scooted towards a massive pair of oak double doors.

“Hmm?” Amber looked up at the pair of stone forms crouched menacingly on the roof. “Those,” she began, a look of distaste crossing her muzzle. “Are remnants of a bygone era. You see this used to be a barracks for a very particular branch of the guard.”

Wake remembered the Royal Guard of Equestria. He had assisted his parents with the preparation of a military funeral for some dead guard captain. He and his sister had been in charge of cleaning up the chapel and washing all the dishes afterwards. He didn’t want to admit it but he found the massive stallions with their golden armour and sharp spears more than a little intimidating.

“... And so it became a dorm, though why the Princess won't allow us to remove those horrid things is beyond me!”

Wake simply nodded along, not really paying attention to what the mare was saying.

Amber signed a moment before pushing open the door. “Your room is a on the third floor, room twenty three.” She lowered the suitcase next to Wake. “Stairs are on the left.” She turned to leave. “If you need anything I will be in my office on campus.”

Wake nodded and took his suitcase in his mouth as moved hesitantly inside. The entry hall was huge, Wakes house would have fit comfortably inside the massive space, Ancient sets of blue armour decorated the walls and more ornate doorways, the sunlight gleaming of the metal barbs on the helmet and ear guard  as they stood vigil.

He promptly lost the battle against his foalish curiosity as he set down his suitcase and walked closer to a nearby set of armour, puzzling over the amber eye set in the chest, rather than the blue star that he had seen on the armour of the odd patrolling guard.

“Rather frightful aren’t they,” A voice said behind him.

A chubby white colt sat behind him, a ratty set of saddlebags thrown over his barrel as he walked up to examine the armour.

“Wait... I know you,” Wake said squinting at the new comer, pointing a hoof at the white colt, “You were on the train when that filly shot me with the glue ball!”

“I was,” The colt agreed, “Though as I recall you accused her of having cooties first.”

“But she does… I mean… Why would I accuse her of it if it wasn’t true!?” Wake retorted half-heartedly, Shame at his actions preventing him from truly making a valid argument. He scuffed his hoof against the granite floor as he looked  at the floor, unwilling to look the other colt in the eyes.

“You should apologise,”

Wake heaved a great sigh before nodding his head in agreement.

The other colt gave a big smile before nodding in approval. “good man,” The colt picked up Wake’s suitcase in his teeth before placing it on his back. “My name is Fancy pants by the way, and you are?”

“Wake.”

“Ah,” Fancy pants nodded as they began climbing the stairs. “so Wake like the Ocean, Wake?”

He shook his head, ”my dad said it was a kind of party that took place after a funeral to make people happy.”

“I see….” Wake noticed the colt inch away from him slightly. “so is your father a priest?”

Wake shook his head,” No he is a funeral director; my mom is something called a mortisheen.”

“What do they do?” Fancy asked as he pulled open the third floor door for Wake.

“Dunno, Mom never let me into her work area. She said it wasn't something for little colts or fillies to see.”

They traveled in silence a moment, Fancy Pants’ face screwed up in confusion.

“Well,” Wake said as they reached a door adorned with a big twenty three in big brass numbers “Here we are…”

He turned to Fancy who was examining a carving on the door frame. “I suppose I will see you in class?

Fancy Beamed and gave wake a nod before turning and walking down the hall.

Turning back to the door he pushed to open it…

...only to fall flat on his face as someone else opened it.

“Ah, I thought I heard voices,” a refined voice said over Wake’s head as he looked up to see a startlingly white colt with a short golden mane looking down on him with a slight smile. “You must be my Roommate.” I..,” the colt leaned back and raised a hoof to his chest.” am prince Solis Dolium Blue Blood, heir to the throne of Canterlot… and your new roommate.”