Get Your Own Stupid Unicorn

by Coolestninja1242

Rating: teen
Tags: Gore, Slice of Life, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Alternate Universe, Lyra, Romance, Octavia, Comedy, Bon-Bon, Sex, DJ P0N-3
Length: 14952

Bon Bon is the ponyville candy maker with a love of unicorns. When she is found checking out her friend Vinyl Scartch's butt Vinyl's girl friend Octavia proclaims, "Get your own stupid unicorn!" Well, maybe that's just what B

Bon Bon is a narcissistic, pessimistic, perverted, and cynical earth pony from Ponyville. She's about as uncouth as they come and seems to get worse as she gets older. In her young adult life Bon Bon has only really had two friends, Octavia melody who is a fellow earth pony and plays the cello, and Vinyl Scratch, the unicorn Dj who goes by the stage name DJ-P0n3. Bon Bon's uncouthness hits a high point when she's caught checking out Vinyl's flank. At this Octavia yells, "Get your own stupid Unicorn!" Well maybe that's just what Bon Bon will do. Get your own stupid unicorn is based off the amazing picture by Gift-Wrap (it also happens to be the piece I'm using for the cover with her permission).

Published 2014-01-19 19:10:04 UTC
Last updated 2015-01-30 00:55:32 UTC

Get your own stupid unicorn

Get Your Own Stupid Unicorn

“Get your own stupid unicorn!” Octavia yelled at me while I subtly eyed Vinyl’s flank. Alright, I was about as subtle as a wrecking ball, but I tried. I’d known Octavia Melody since she moved to Ponyville. She was a straight forward, musical, mare. She liked many things: classy things, fancy things, simple things, and oddly enough Vinyl Scratchy things.

To say I’d known Vinyl long would be lying, so I won’t say it. Vinyl and I met long after Octavia and I had met, but unlike Octavia, Vinyl and I seemed to get along right away. We were instant friends, and why wouldn’t we be? I’m a sexy candy maker and she’s well…Vinyl Scratch. Enough said.

Vinyl was the kind of mare who, like me, tried. She tried to be a good DJ but failed when she was trying. Don’t get me wrong Vinyl was a great DJ when she didn’t think about it. The second she tried to put any thought into her music was the second she tripped herself up. Vinyl was so unlike Octavia. Vinyl went with her gut, never thought about anything, and was better for it. I guess some ponies just have good instincts.

On top of everything else Vinyl was drop dead gorgeous. I don’t know what it is about unicorns for me but I just find the whole race so amazing. Show me an earth pony, or a pegasus and I’ll go, “Well yeah they’re cute, but where’s that spark? Where’s the magic?” I guess I’m just weird like that. I guess Octavia’s just weird like that too.

The day they told me they were dating was the day my dreams died. Like I said, Vinyl is gorgeous and I wanted her. I wanted her more than I had wanted anything in my entire life. I’d thought about asking her out but I’m a classy mare myself. I thought I'd play hard to get, and let Vinyl come to me. Apparently that came off as distant. That or Vinyl was just never interested in me. Which is cool, I guess.

Now…I’ve been going on and on about my love life (or lack of a love life), and how my two best friends are getting it on, and how I’m super jealous of both of them, and how Octavia said I should get my own “stupid unicorn,” but I never really said who I am. That’s a good question, and frankly, I’m not too sure myself.

Here’s what I know so far, my name is Bon Bon. I’m a candy maker in Ponyville. I’ve had about seven or eight ex’s: mostly mares, but a few colts in there for good measure. Pretty sure I prefer mare’s but I would be lying if I said I hadn’t been attracted to a colt or two…or four. I have cream colored fur, a red and blue twisty mane and tail, some candies on my flank for a cutie mark, and am currently single. That’s it. I couldn’t’ tell you why I was eying Vinyl’s flank. I couldn’t tell you what my favorite movie was. I couldn’t tell you when my last relationship was, and I couldn’t tell you what I was really looking for in life any more. I just don’t know. I haven’t known for a long time.

So when Octavia protectively pulled Vinyl closer to her and told me, “Get your own stupid unicorn!” I was dumbfounded. I didn’t know what to say. I still don’t. I’m pretty sure I’ve just been standing here looking dumbfounded. “I’m being serious Bon Bon. You can’t simply check out my girlfriends flank like that.” She seems upset.

Come on Bon Bon say something to make Octavia feel better. “Not my fault Vinyl has a hot flank.” I swear my brain and the rest of my body must not be connected. Because in my head I want to do nothing but apologize to Octavia and Vinyl but all I can do is shrug and say, “It’s not like I was touching her flank. I was just looking, come on Octavia be a good sport. You know I liked Vinyl first.” I see a fist coming at me, and that it.

I blacked out for several hours. My friends are gone, and frankly I don’t blame them. God I’m so alone. I dust myself off and start walking back to my shop. I don’t really blame everypony for hating me. It’s not like I did much to get them to like me. Hell, I didn’t do much to make most ponies even tolerate me.
I don’t know why I do this crap. I don’t have any excuse: my parents are nice folks, I had friends growing up, and my childhood was great! I’m just a terrible, horrible, pony. I’m a bitch, I’m a bitch who doesn’t deserve love, or friends, or anyone.

I hear a tiny ding-a-ling as someone walks through my front door. “Welcome to Bon Bon’s Bon Bon’s.” I say with a sad tone. Screw pretending I’m happy. I know I’m not, so why shouldn’t my costumers?

I hear a familiar voice, “And this is the candy shop run by the biggest bitch. Her name’s Bon Bon.” Oh joy, Berry Punch. The town drunk, and another earth pony with a smoking hot unicorn babe. I swear I’m the only one who can’t snag one. All the good unicorns mares are either straight or taken. Berry’s showing around another new pony to Ponyville. It’s like her unofficial, official job. I think the mayor sends her checks but I never really talked long enough with a sober Berry Punch to really know.

“Oh not this crap again Berry, I’m not in the mood.” I said sounding bored and pissed off. Berry was unusually sober with no sign of her kid or her girl any where. Wow she must really work for the mayor. Dang, guess I should stop making jokes.

There was a mint green unicorn mare standing next to Berry though. Berry rolled her eyes and pointed a hoof at the unicorn, “Bon Bon, this is Lyra. Lyra, this is Bon Bon. Lyra, Bon Bon is like…the queen of all bitches so watch out. She’s also super gay so again watch out.”

I snicker a bit, “Aren’t you married to another mare Berry? Not one to really talk about being super gay. Besides, at least I’m not a drunk.” I always seem to push ponies too far. I should have just stuck with the married line but, nope I had to bring up the drinking problem.

“I’m in AA you bitch!” Berry leaps over the counter and tries to assault me but is stopped by a mint green magic aura. I look over to see the pony Berry introduced me too with her horn all a glow and wow, sweet Celestia that unicorn just saved my life. Okay, saved my life is taking it too far. She definitely saved me a major beating though.

I examine the unicorn more closely, she’s mint green with hair that matches her fur but has white stripes in it. It’s actually really nice. It’s by no means a fancy cut but it seems to suit her. She seems really relaxed, and cool. She has a little harp as her cutie mark so she’s obviously a musical type. That’s so much easier when you’re a unicorn. If I’ve learned anything from watching Octavia and Vinyl play it’d be that.

She smiles at me. It’s not a huge smile, it’s a simple, quiet smile. Her eyes though, seriously, her eyes. They are shining so bright right now and they look like the sunrise. I just kind of stare in those eyes and get lost. I don’t even notice that she let Berry down. I don’t even hear them talking. She’s just…I mean those eyes are…wow.

Don’t get me wrong, Vinyl Scratch is hot. Like really, super, hot but this mare is- “Hello, I’m umm…Lyra. Lyra Heartstrings. I guess you’re friend already said that. I hope she didn’t hurt you. I acted as quickly as I could…” She looks away. No, please don’t look away. You’re eyes are the most amazing thing I’ve ever seen. I…I think I’m in love. “Umm…hello? Are you alright Ms. Bon Bon?” She said my name. I can feel my heart melting. I’ve never felt like this before. Ever. “Ms. Bon Bon?” I could honestly listen to her say my name for ever, and just look into those eyes of hers. Nothing else. I just noticed she has a Canterlot accent…dear Celestia that’s adorable.

I don’t know how long I’ve been just standing here drooling over her but, she’s starting to look a little uneasy. “Oh!” I shout out. “I’m sorry I…umm…you….you’re eyes are really pretty. I’ve never seen eyes like that before.” I feel like my face is on fire.

She giggles a bit, dear Celestia do it again. “I asked if you were alright? That drunk didn’t hurt you did she?” She’s got to be the most adorable mare I’ve ever met. I just feel all warm inside. I keep forgetting what we’re talking about, and I don’t even care.
I smile, “I’m fine thanks to you.” I can’t help it, I feel so unlike me. I feel like everything I was to this point was pointless, like that’s not the pony I was suppose to be and that who I really am is what ever I am with this mare. Okay I’m even starting to make myself sick with all the sweetness.

She giggles again, “Oh please, I had nothing to do with it. I’m sure you could have taken her own all on your own. I just…I’m not a fan of violence.” Is she…she’s totally blushing.

I come around the counter, “Hey…umm…I know this is kind of forward. We just met and all but, wow this is harder then I remember it being.” I stammer on. She looks at me confused. I take a deep breath, “I know we just met but…I kind of have this policy about buying ponies who save my flank dinner.” Smooth as fresh made chocolate. I smirk at the success of my pick up line. Mental bro hoof Bon Bon.

She gasp, “Oh!” She looks down red in the face. “I’m sorry! I didn’t mean to insinuate that I’m a…I have a…I’m sorry did you think I fancied mares?” My entire face visibly drops.
I did in fact think she was into mares, I was really hoping she was in to mares. “What?” I say with a fake smile spread across my muzzle. “Naaaaah…I really do have this policy about taking out ponies who save my flank. Plus you’re new in town so…It’s not a date or anything.” It’s totally a date.

It’s totally a date she agreed to, “Oh…alright I suppose one dinner won’t hurt. Lead the way miss Bon Bon.” She smiles at me and I swear I should be a puddle of goo by now. I can’t take this, first pony I really fall for…and she’s straight. So much for getting my own stupid unicorn. Oh well, dinner should be nice. What else could possibly go wrong?

Author's Note

Hahaha lets add another fan project to my already impossibly log to do list. So the cover art again is done by the amazing Gift Wrap. This time I kind of was inspired by the picture before I wrote. I also didn't edit it this time so there's probably a ton of mistakes...oops. Basic thing is I kind of based Bon Bon off of Scott Pilgrim. She's snarky, selfish, but thinks she's all that. Most people write Lyra as the goofy or the more sexually active one so I kind of wanted to a role reverse where it was Bon Bon...I don't know. I like the idea of a Bon Bon like this. Let's get one thing straight this is not in the same universe as Duel Melody. This isn't the same Lyra and Bon Bon. I wanted a fancier Lyra for this one and a more uncouth Bon Bon. Will this story have a happy end? Will Bon Bon and Lyra get together? Eh, we'll see. I'm also working on the next chapter of Duel Melody. Don't worry. It's almost done.

Update 2-15-15: Now edited by the wonderful Hamrmonia con Amore http://www.fimfiction.net/user/Harmonia+con+Amore

Everything that Went Wrong

What could possibly go wrong? Why would I think that. I've seen like every movie there is! You never say “What could possibly go wrong?” You should never think, “what could possibly go wrong!?” What could possibly go wrong? Everything. Everything that can go wrong when you think, “What could possibly go wrong,” goes wrong.

But I’m getting ahead of myself. “So, Lyra?” I ask. She looks at me with her stupid eyes. Her beautifully, stupid eyes, and I’m cursing her and myself right now. “I’m just going out on a limb here but this is your first time in town right?”

She thinks for a moment, we've trotted out to the middle of the shop district. You know, the place with all the food, and the stuff. “I believe I was here once with my father when I was very young. I don’t remember much of the trip…” She smiles at me. “I do remember everyone being very friendly and a filly my age through us a party to welcome us to town.”

Oh good she’s met Pinkie Pie. Maybe that means we can eat in peace and not have some stupid party. Don’t get me wrong, everypony who’s anypony loves a Pinkie Pie party, but when you’re trying to have some alone time with a pony who’s new to town…Pinkie is an unwanted guest. I smile back at her, and for a second I thought I noticed her cheeks turn red. Must be my imagination. “Oh yeah? So you’ve already met Pinkie Pie then?” We just kind of continue to walk around looking at all the different places to eat.

She tilts her head, and it’s so frickin’ adorable! Stop being adorable! “Pinkie Pie? Oh! Do you mean pink earth pony? Balloons for cutie mark? She insisted on throwing me a party as soon as I stepped into town. It was quiet nice. That’s where I met Berry Punch, she offered to show me around town. Though, she seemed a bit tipsy.” She giggles and I laugh. She only just met Berry and already knows that stupid earth pony is a drunker. I love it.

I finally manage to work up the nerve to ask her where she’d like to eat, “So umm…where do you wanna eat? We've sorta just been walking in circles for like an hour..!?!” It’s really been an hour since we left the shop? Wow…time flies. “I know this great place that does Canterlot style food, it’s kind fruity but it’s nice.” She seems to like the idea and we go to Le’ Fancy’s.

Le’ Fancy’s is but of course the most fancy restaurant on all of Ponyville. I’ve only been here once before, they talk with heavy Canterlot accents. I think it’s all fake though. We’re seated right away and our waiter comes over and pores us some water. “Good evening fillies may I offer you some of our Canterlot’s best. It is a fine, red whine aged to perfection and is the best we have to offer.” I look at Lyra, and then the price tag. Yeesh thirty bits just for a bottle of whine? Seriously?

I look up from the menu to see Lyra shake her head, “No thank you…” The waiter looks rather miffed, but he can’t exactly force the whine on us. We place our orders and then the waiter bolts to give us some privacy. Lyra giggles a little bit, “Did you see the price of the whine he was trying to sell us? Thirty bits! I bet it taste terrible. It has to for such a cheep whine.” She smiles at me.

Cheep? She really thinks that stuff is cheep? Well excuse me princess, not all of us can be rich Canterlot socialites. I laugh halfheartedly, “Yeah…I thought it was kind of expensive. Then again I don’t really go out much. Candy making doesn't really make much money and well I’ve got a huge rival with Sugar Cube Corner right down the road. So 30 bits is 30 bits I guess.” She seems put off by this.

She looks down at the table and fidgets while she says, “I’m sorry I didn’t mean to offend you.” Offended me? What? No!

I smile nudging her with my hoof, “It would take a lot more than that to offend me. “ That might have sounded a bit more…flirtatious then I wanted it to. Is she blushing? Oh Celestia I embraces her. Nice going BonBon, nice going. “Uh…” I stammer. “So umm…” Come on Bon’s use your big filly words. “What brings you to Ponyville? Not exactly a tourist spot unless you’re into candy.” For the love of all that is good and holy be into candy. I should also stop probably thinking these horrible things and focus for five damn seconds!

She looks out the window. I can tell she’s thinking about if she wants to tell me the reason she’s here or not. Lucky for her our food arrives and she has an excuse to not answer me right away. Not gonna lie I have no idea what either of use ordered. Something with a lot of veggies, I think mine had hay in it. The big problem with Le Fancy’s and me is everything is written in fancy. I mean everything, the food, the descriptions of the food, the drinks, hell even the prices on some of the items! It all taste the same too, like oats and water. At least that’s how it taste to me. Don’t get me wrong I get some ponies love eating a meal you can’t see with out a microscope but I can taste really well. Big reason I got my cutie mark was because well I have a perfect pallet. I don’t know what this food is suppose to taste like but who ever made it really under seasoned it. I should go back there and teach the chef how to cook. Stupid culinary school idiots thinking they know everything just because they can make a pile of mashed potato’s look like the Crystal Empire. Where was I? Oh yeah, over priced bad food. “This isn't very good is it?” Lyra comments. “It taste rather watered down…and the portion sizes are pathetic even by Canterlot standards.” Dear Celestia I love this mare. I think I might have just been star struck with how pretty she was before, and her eyes but…wow she’s just brilliant. I smile at her, I smile for a long time. Probably too long. She shifts kind of nervously. She’s blushing? Is she blushing? “I’ve sort of run away from home…”

Wait, what? “Ran way from home?” I ask.

She nods politely but still looks kind of confused, and a bit scared. “Okay, ran away from home is probably the wrong phrase. My father sent me away for a little while to cool my head. That’s all. He said Ponyville was a quiet town and when I came home I should be all fine and dandy. So, great. Just great.” She sounds really sad.

I push my mush with my fork, I really have no idea what this is suppose to be. “So what’s his name?” She looks panicked and just gives me a confused look. “You’re having troubles at home, you needed to come to the country side to clear your head and earlier you said and I quote, “I’m not a…I have a….” or it was something like that any way. I don’t have time to go back and look what you said. So what’s his name?” I sounded really serious. It wasn't so much I wanted to know who I’d have to fight her for…I kinda figure I already lost that fight, I need to try and just be friends with this mare. Lyra’s just so great. She’s smart, pretty, funny too. On our way over she told me this great joke about treble clefs in a biker bar causing trouble. I didn’t get it at first but the way she told I still laughed like an idiot. I…I think I’m really in love this time, head over hooves and all that jazz. I just want her to be happy, even if it’s not with me. Ha, I matured so fast all it took was some mare with pretty eyes.

She takes a deep breath and closes her eyes, she looks pained but still tells me all about the guy, “His name is Comet Tail. He’s a unicorn, of course.”

“Of course.” I repeat.

“We’ve known each other since we were kids…” She pauses for a long time.

I pick up where I think she was going with that, “So you were fillyhood friends who fell in love?” She looks distraught.

She begins to push the mush around on her plate too. Seriously what is this stuff? “Not exactly.” Not exactly? What does not exactly mean? “My father and his are business partners. It’s an arranged marriage.” Of all the…those things are so primitive! Who’s to tell any pony who they should love. No, now now Bonny keep a cool head. It’s her father choice as head of house. The arranged marriage is kind of an old thing that stuck around, at least with in the Canterlot elite. The fathers of the bride and the groom decide that they’re gonna get married and that’s it. It makes business partnerships stronger and brings families together. Obviously I have a problem with it. “Comet is a nice colt…most of the time. He has a little bit of a temper and gets mad at me for asking questions. Any question really. It depends on the mood he’s in. He’s really a nice colt though, very hansom, very rich. He’s one of the most famous astronomers in Canterlot.” That son of a…

I try to keep as calm as I can, “Does he hit you?” I can feel whole body shaking. She doesn’t answer. I don’t need her to. “That isn’t okay. You know that isn’t okay right? Did you tell your father?” She still doesn’t answer. That’s probably why she’s on this little get away trip. She argued with this Comet guy and he got rough and daddy blamed her. I haven’t even met these ponies and I want to bring them both down to size. We pay our bill, okay I pay the bill.

Lyra tries but of course, “I can’t let a pony who saved me from that drunk pay. My mom always said neither a barrower nor a lender be. Which I think kind of comes down to always pay off your debts.” She laughs at that. We begin to just wonder around for a while and talk. Some how the conversation gets back onto her fiancé. I might have made the conversation go there. “Listen if you ever need a place to crash or someone to talk to about that Comet guy just give me a ring alright?” She doesn’t say anything. “It’s okay for couples to fight but no pony should hit each other.” I remember something funny so I laugh a little, she glances at me confused. I can smell apple fritters being cooked in the distance, Celestia I’m still hungry. Stupid fancy restaurant. I stop by the apple stand and pick up two offering one to Lyra who eats it like a pony who hasn’t eaten in her whole life. With a mouth full of fritter I say, “Swoory, ffat reminded me…” I gulp loudly swallowing a big bite of fritter. “Of this one time my pals Vinyl and Octavia were having a spat I had to get between them so they didn’t kill each other. After a few minutes they cooled down enough to just talk so it was cool but yeah…”

She swallows quickly and her eyes glow bright, “Did you say Octavia!?” She grabs me swiftly. “As in Octavia Melody!?” Wow it’s nice to see some life in this mare, she was so quite for a while I thought she was dead. I nod very quickly. Calm down mare, okay don’t calm down you this existed is kind of adorable. “Can we…or rather would you take me to meet her? I am a huge fan of her work!” Oh boy.

Okay Bon Bon play it smooth, just tell her the truth. Right now Octavia hates your guts and if I bring a unicorn over she’s going to think I took her advice of “getting my own stupid unicorn” and she’ll just think you’re an easy hook up after getting caught eyeing Vinyl. Play it cool Bon Bon, play it cool. “Sure thing.” Wait what? No, say no. Octavia hates you right now. “Octavia and me are great pals. I’m sure she’d be happy to meet a fan of hers and a friend of mine.” No, no she wouldn’t. One, Octavia HATES MEETING HER RABID FANS! Two, SHE HATES YOU RIGHT NOW! “We can go right now if you’d like.” I continue to say like an idiot. Never say what could possibly go wrong, never say that. Why would I say that? Now me and Lyra are on our way to Octavia and Vinyl’s place…great. Just swell.

Author's Note

One out of three isn't bad. Okay that's more of a broad statement for me updating. I had all of my stories open and ready to go and then things just kept coming up. If it wasn't home work it was something else...I'm kinda surprised I got this done. Any way I'm starting to more place how Bon Bon is in this story. Introduced Lyra's guy, did a very poor job of explaining why she's in Ponyville (I think any way) and now we're going to see Octavia yaaaaaay I'm gonna go pass out on my key board now. Chapter three coming...I have no idea when...and I just laughed loudly at the idea of updating soon so yeah take from that what you will.

And Then Octavia Hit Me (Again)

Just tell her that it’s late and we should just call it a night. I think to myself as Lyra and me walk to Octavia and Vinyl’s place. Now if you’d been paying attention you’d know that right now Octavia is pissed at me for eyeing her girl’s flank. Lyra is the mare who saved my ass once today. (Berry punch was gonna kill me, true story.) and I’m an insensitive jackass. No offense to any actual asses reading this. All of these things put together and it being really, really late puts me in a very bad place. “So Bon Bon,” I hear. “How exactly do you know Ms. Melody?” Lyra asks as we make our way along the short road to Octavia and Vinyl’s place, I really should stall for time.

“Oh you know, normal ways. She was new to town so I became friends with her. I don’t even really remember how.” That’s a lie. That is a huge lie. I was at a bar (what else is new) hitting on anything and everything when Octavia walked by. I said some really stupid pick up line and she kicked my flank. Two days later I had Pinkie Pie help me track her down to apologize, we’d been “friends” (and I’m using that word very loosely) ever since. Come to think of it that’s how me and Vinyl became friends too, okay accept Vinyl laughed at the pick up line and let me buy her a drink as long as I understood I wasn’t getting any where with her that night.

I’m kind of really grateful I didn’t meet Lyra like that. Me getting into fights is normal, me drunk and hitting on anypony is also normal but I think I’d rather have had her save my flank from Berry Punch then get creeped out by me hitting on her at the bar. Thank Celestia we didn’t meet at the bar.

Of course my little trip down memory lane leads right to Octavia and Vinyl’s door. Of course Lyra is patently waiting for me to knock, and of course my hooves feel like lead. With a deep breath and a confused look from Lyra I knock on the door gently. Luna in Canterlot it has to be like midnight by now. Please, please be asleep.

I hear some noise from the living room, “I wonder who that could be?” says a familiar, violent voice. Please don’t hit me, please don’t hit me, please don’t hit me. I can hear some other muttering from the living room. Weird I expected Vinyl to be more awake than Octavia, actually I kind of expected Vinyl to just not be home. Oh right, it’s Tuesday. Vinyl hardly ever takes weekday gigs, not enough money for her awesomeness. Wait…why is…oh sweet mother of Celestia please tell me they didn’t just…eww, eww, no bad mental images go away. Octavia opens the door, “Hello how can I-?” She stops mid-sentence and glares at me.

I chuckle a little bit nervously, “Heeeeey Tavi….”

With hoof raised and ready to attack Octavia yells, “How DARE you show your face here after what you did!” She’s just about to strike me when she’s grabbed by a what is now very familiar green magical aura. “What the?!” Octavia shouts struggling against the magic, and then she notices Lyra.

Lyra looks at Octavia with pleading eyes but still refuses to let her down, “I’m so sorry Ms. Melody. Please don’t be mad at Bon Bon it was my idea to come here. I’d heard you hate meeting fans but I just had to meet you, and when Bon Bon said you two were friends…well I couldn’t help myself.”

Octavia then glares at me, “Bon Bon,” She growls. “you didn’t take my advice did you?” Aw crap, cats out of the bag.

Lyra tilts her head, she also lowers Octavia a bit. “Advice?” she asks her eyes full of concern.

Well crap, Okay Bonny just lie like you always do. I look Lyra in the eyes and am about to tell her the “truth” when I just notice how sad her eyes look. She looks so betrayed and she hasn’t even heard what I had to say yet.

Crap, “Earlier I was checking out Octavia’s girlfriend’s flank. She kind of hit me in the face and told me to get my own unicorn.” Granted Octavia said stupid unicorn and as far as I can tell Lyra’s really smart. Smarter than I am, pretty too. “So, Octavia thinks you and me are dating. We’re not Tavi…she really just wanted to meet you. Berry showed up early and big surprise almost decked me too. Lyra saved my life, twice now!” I’m beaming, I told the truth. Wow. That actually feels pretty good.

Lyra lowers Octavia. Crap, she’s mad at you now! Run! No one moves. It’s quiet.

Lyra at last speaks, “That is…” she pauses and then smiles at me. “the funniest thing I’ve ever heard.” She laughs, Octavia no longer held by Lyra’s magic comes over and lightly hits me.

I look over at her and she smiles at me, “I want to hate you.” She says with a small grin. “I want to hate you for staring at Vinyl. I want to hate you for bringing one of my fans here. I want to hate you for so many things Bon Bon, but that is the most impressive feat I’ve ever seen you accomplish. Well done.” I feel pretty awesome right now, and I only got a light tap instead of a full on hoof to the eye. “Would you two like to come in? It’s rather late but I’m sure I have some coffee some where. Besides, someone owes Vinyl an apology.” Octavia says glaring at me and gesturing us in.

I can see Lyra holding back, “Yes, that would be lovely thank you.” I can see the rabid fan girl in her eyes just wanting to freak out. I can just see all the things Lyra wants to ask Octavia written plain as day on her fuzzy green face. Who’s your inspiration? Vinyl. I love that one song about love and junk who was it for? Vinyl. Do you practice with anyone or do you prefer to practice alone. She practices in front of Vinyl. Octavia is deeply devoted to her mare and I really shouldn’t have tried to come between that, ever. Wow, now I feel like utter crap. Thank you brain.

We make it to the living room, and there’s Vinyl laying down on a beat up looking sofa. It’s plaid and scratchy looking with stuffing coming out in places. It’s obviously something Vinyl picked up before her and Octavia moved in together. She looks up from her…book? Vinyl can read? Okay, dumb question I know Vinyl can read, but who knew she liked to read? She sees Octavia and smiles, she notices Lyra and looks confused, and then she sees me. Vinyl closes her book and gets off the sofa. She looks pissed. It’s super easy to tell when Vinyl’s pissed. Her fur sticks up a little more, and her eyes that are normally magenta start looking kind of red. “What’s she doing here?” Vinyl yells. “And who the hay are you?” Yeah her eyes are doing the red thing right now. Poor Lyra, I should do something.

I step between Lyra and the very pissy Vinyl trying to smooth things over, “Vinyl I’m-”

I get cut off by Vinyl, “You have some nerve coming herrrrrrrrrr mmmm…” That’s a weird sentence. I look over to see Octavia scratching behind Vinyl’s ears and Vinyl just melting. Octavia stops and Vinyl’s face goes bright red but her eyes go back to her normal magenta, “Octi not in front of company.” She looks back at me. “I still think you should apologize.”

I smile, “I was trying to and you interrupted me you big jerk.”

Vinyl playfully pushes me, “Horse face.” She calls me laughing.

I push her back, “Big butt.” Friends are weird, one minute they want to rip you a new one and the next they’re calling you stupid names and everything’s cool. “Any way, this is Lyra. She’s a huge fan of Tavi’s and saved my flank from Berry earlier.” I smile taking a seat on one of the cushy recliners that were clearly Octavia’s. Lyra sits next to me, she’s probably just nervous. The chair is just big enough for the two of us and Vinyl and Octavia take the sofa.

Vinyl still looks super embarrassed, “Well nice to meet you Lyra, name’s Vinyl!” Lyra nods. She’s so shy all of a sudden. I can see it on her face she’s trying to keep it together so she doesn’t make Octavia angry. I tap her gently with my hoof and she jumps slightly and then moves closer to me. “You know you can talk, or like ask Octi questions. She doesn’t bite…much.” Vinyl grins blushing. Octavia who seems totally calm nods at Lyra with a smile.

Lyra fidgets but keeps her place right next to me. I can’t stand how cute she is. “I…I don’t know what to say. There was so many things I’ve always wanted to ask you but now that I’m here…” She pauses and looks at Vinyl. “I think I’ve found my answer to all of them. My biggest question was…well…about a year ago I found a drastic change in your music.” She’s shaking so I put a caring hoof around her. “It just seemed…fuller. You’ve been making the songs for her haven’t you Ms. Melody?”

Octavia smiles, “Yes. I had thought someone would have noticed…so I became reclusive.” Is…is Octavia crying? Oh crap she’s crying.

Lyra looks like she feels terrible. “I’m sorry I didn’t mean…I really enjoy your newer songs! They’re better honestly. I didn’t mean to make you cry.”

Vinyl hugs Octavia and I feel bad, “Nah, you’re fine Lyra. See most of Octi’s fan base is from Trottingham and Canterlot. You know how narrow minded those fancy types can get. Octi didn’t want to loose fans over something as silly as you know love.” God I’m a terrible pony. This whole time I’ve been trying to split them up so I’d have chance with Vinyl. They’re perfect for one another and I’m just…I’m the worst pony there is. I rub my eyes quick. No crying Bonny. Keep it together.

Everything’s quiet again. “I’m still sorry.” Lyra says. “So, um…how did you two meet?” Vinyl and Octavia look genially surprised by this question. “I don’t want to pry…you two just seem so close. I can understand why you wouldn’t want to jeopardize this.” Octavia smiles bigger than I’ve ever seen her smile before.

Vinyl just blushes with this little grin on her face, “It was Bon Bon actually.” Oh yeah I forgot about this. “She came up to me after we’d been friends for like two weeks and told me I had to meet this friend of her’s named…What did you call Octi?”

I clear my throat a little bit, “Tavi McAnnoyed all the time.” Not a creative nick name but a true one.

Vinyl laughs, “Yeah that was it!” Octavia doesn’t look amused at all. “But she goes to me you’ve got to meet my friend. So, we met up at this bar and well I only learned like four things that day. Don’t say their stuff taste like watered down donky piss, don’t stare at the one eyed bar tender, don’t change the song on the jukebox, and I wanna spend the rest of my life with that grey fire starter.” Vinyl’s totally beaming and Octavia just kind of leans into her more. I only kinda remember any of this. I remember telling Vinyl she had to meet me at this run down old bar we used to go to a lot but I don’t remember like anything after that.

Lyra looks just as puzzled as I feel, “Wait, I can understand the wanting to spend the rest of your life with Ms. Melody part but what about all that other stuff?” She asks.

Vinyl scratches her head, “Yeah I guess most of that stuff’s pretty weird huh? Story time. Everyone gather round Aunty Vinyl.” Vinyl gestures for all of us to come closer which is kind of funny. “No?” No one moves. “Alright fine. So I meet Bon Bon and Octi at this old run down bar me and Bon Bon used to go to. Her and Octi are already there sitting at a table near the jukebox. I sit down and introduce myself to Octi and at first we’re just kind of there.” Vinyl scratches her head again.

Octavia smiles and pats her girlfriend on the back, “I remember thinking that Vinyl was the stupidest looking pony I’d ever met and wanted nothing to do with her. I was at a loss for friends though.”

Vinyl smiles and then continues on with her story, “I’m glad you gave me a second chance.” Octavia smiles back. God I’m an awful pony. I was the one who introduced them just so I could gloat over how hot my friends were. I’m so terrible. “So after a few minutes we get some drinks and I’m just kind of swirling it around because it tasted like piss. I even said very loudly it tasted like piss. Now I could already tell the bar tender was getting miffed but Octavia got up and changed the song on the jukebox. I’m telling you Lyra it was like someone set off a gun in the place. Everyone just stared at us for a few minutes. Then Bonny here who was drunk by this time goes to the bar tender, “What’s up with your eye?” I just about lost it.

The dude was wearing an eye patch so I can see why you’d ask that Bon Bon but still. Right after that everyone in the bar turned on us and we got in this huge brawl. Bon Bon was out for the count in like seconds. She was really drunk and one good hit just sent her flying against the wall. So me and Octi are back to back fighting like six guys each and then after a few minutes of fighting and having each others back we just start covering each other moves. It was like we were in perfect harmony. I could hear the our combined tune in my head and it sounded epic. So we took Bon Bon home and just kind of kept hanging out. Went to get some coffee, talked music…and well started dating like a week later.” And that would be why I don’t remember anything. I must have been so drunk and got hit so hard that I just kind of missed everything.

Wow I feel terrible. I spent all that time hitting on Vinyl and trying to get them to break up and here it was it’s kind of my fault that they’re together in the first place. Together and happy. I rub my eyes with my hooves. What the hell is wrong with me? Can’t I just let my friends be happy? No, of course not because I’m a selfish pony. A bad, terrible selfish pony. I was also useless in that fight. That’s right good job Bon Bon just pick fights and let your friends save your flank. Your perfect flank. At least I have that going for me. “So what brings you to Ponyville Lyra?” Octavia asks. Oh no.

Lyra hesitates, I can feel her stiffen up. I nudge her a bit and she kind of stares at me. I try to give her this, “you don’t have to talk about it if you don’t want to” look but I’m not sure if it gets past. She nods at me, not sure if it was a, “I understand.” or a, “okay I’ll talk” nod but she does answer Octavia’s question. “I had a fight with my fiancé and my father sent me here to cool my head.” She said the whole thing in a sad a matter of fact kind of way. “It wasn’t a huge fight but father thought that it was my fault and that I should rethink what this marriage would mean for him, the family, and his business. He thought the country air would do me good.” Lyra becomes even tenser and she starts crying. “He didn’t even care that Comet…” She trails off as if she’d said too much. I hug her tight and she just breaks down and cries harder.

I pat her on the back, “Maybe we should go…” Lyra sniffles loudly in my forelegs. Not how I pictured this night going, like at all. I was going to go home, heat up some left over and watching cooking shows until I passed out on the sofa. Instead I’m in Octavia and Vinyl’s living room trying to console a mare I just met a few hours ago because her dad and her boyfriend are jerks. Admittedly this seems better than watching cooking shows but I just feel so sorry for Lyra. I just want her to be happy, why can’t she just be happy? No one argues with me on leaving so I help Lyra out of the big, soft recliner and Vinyl and Octavia walk us to the door. Octavia and Vinyl both give Lyra a huge hug and this just makes Lyra cry more. She holds onto Octavia for like ten whole minutes which was kind of off but at the same time I just want Lyra to stop crying.

We say our good byes at last. I begin to walk home humming a nice tune softly, it seems to calm Lyra down a bit. We get half way to my place when I realize we’re half way to my place. I stop, “Lyra where are you staying right now?” How could have not thought to ask that before we left Octavia’s?

She sniffles loudly. Lyra had stopped crying a few minutes ago but she was still pretty upset, her eyes were blood shot, and she looked like she hadn’t slept in days. She thinks for a minute and then her eyes get all teary again, “Oh no…” She lets out as little more than a peep. “I’ve been so busy I hadn’t even…I don’t have any place to stay.” She whales loudly.

I pat her comfortingly on the back, “It’ll be alright.” I say with a sorta sad smile. “You can stay with me tonight. I’ve got a nice big, comfy bed you can have and a nice lumpy, old sofa for me.” She insists that she’ll sleep on the sofa but I’m not having it. “Listen Lyra I’d sooner share my bed with you than let you sleep on that sofa.”

And that’s how we got here. Lyra asleep in my bed, cuddling with me, occasionally crying a little in her sleep and me just wide awake cursing the world, cursing myself, and cursing the stupid unicorns that made her cry like this. God help me if I ever get my hands…hooves (what are hands) on either of those two it’ll be hell to pay.
Chapter Four Hell to Pay

Author's Note

Wow I'm tired. Like due to personal things I haven't really slept in two weeks, and I can't really sleep either so I work on this little by little. Now at first I hated this chapter (like the first few paragraphs I hate) and then I kept going back and forth with what I should even do in this chapter and then I needed to get out of Octavia's place and it just kept getting longer and longer but I like where I went. I'm gonna go try to sleep.

This Week Sucks

I didn’t sleep. Every time I started to kind of fall asleep Lyra would either move away from me or move back to me. I’m not complaining, I would never complain about sharing a bed with the nicest, sweetest, prettiest, kindest, most caring pony I’d ever met. I’m really not sure what it is about this mare but I do not want to screw anything up. I just want to be with her like all the time and I have no idea why or what to do about it. I will say that having the nicest, sweetest, prettiest, kindest, most caring pony I’d ever met sleeping in my bed with me is distracting. Really, really, really distracting.

I just kind of lay there staring up at the ceiling, then back to Lyra and then back to the ceiling. Every now and then she’ll start to whimper in her sleep but all it really takes to calm her down is a little pat on the head or shoulder. Every time I do though she mutters something in her sleep that I can’t understand. It sounds happy, or at least it doesn’t sound sad. On and off she’ll cuddle up to me like I’m a big teddy bear. Once or twice she’s even held on to me really tight, those were the only few times I actually slept. This wasn’t one of those times. I’m just laying there looking up at the ceiling and Lyra is on her side facing away from me. She seems peaceful now, and I roll over to look at the clock, 5:02 a.m. I might as well get up. Luna knows I’m not gonna fall back asleep.

Folks have this misconception about candy makers. They think all we can make is candy and well that’s not true. Don’t get me wrong I’ll take the delicate, artful, science of making chocolate over standing in front of a stove with some veggies and oils any day, but just because I prefer to make candy doesn’t mean I can’t cook anything else.

Besides my mom says my special talent isn’t even making candy. Don’t get me wrong I’m really good at making candy but that’s not how my mom sees it. She always said my special talent was “unwrapping the sweet side of others.” It’s a cute idea and I liked it as a filly but let’s face it bad bitch Bon Bon is not making anypony around her any sweeter, least of all herself. Mostly not herself. Especially not herself.

Regardless of all that though I can cook. Hell, I make a mean pancake. Actually, that’s not a bad idea. I get out some bowls, my favorite skillet, a spatula, a whisk, flour, some eggs, sugar, and anything else I’d need to make the best damn chocolate chip pancakes ever. With my own home made chocolate chunks of course.

Pancakes are so easy to make I don’t get why some many ponies mess them up so bad. It’s a simple batter, don’t mix it too much, and then wait for the cake to stiffen a bit with plenty of bubbles before you flip it. Easy, I don’t get why so many ponies screw it up.

Hmm…what’s good with pancakes? Coffee, yeah better get that going. I turn on my coffee machine and get a pot percolating. With coffee I don’t really have my own special mix or anything, okay I lied, I totally have my own special mix. But my mix is just me taking different store bought coffees I like and mixing them together, it’s nothing special I swear. Hmm…something’s missing, toast with jam. Yeah, that’d be good too but that doesn’t really take too long to cook. Yes, I do have my own home made jams if you were wondering. What else should I make? I flip the pancakes, not perfect by any stretch of the imagination but have that golden brown color I’m looking for. Hay bacon! That’s what this needs, something nice, fatty, and crispy. Perfect, just add some juice and it’ll be the best breakfast ever! Wow I have too much time on my hands…hooves. (There’s that word again.)

I hear some light trotting down my stares. Face it breakfast is way to important to miss because of something silly like sleep. I see Lyra sleepily take the corner nearly runing into the wall, her noise sniffs greedily, and her ears flip and twitch with excitement. “Do I…do I smell pancakes?” She asks sheepishly. I nod with a small smirk on my face. “Can I…?” She’s just standing there staring at the food, mouth practically watering. She’s holding herself back again I can tell. She doesn’t want to seem unlady like or uncouth. It’s adorable. I gotta say though I kinda wanna see this mare just cut loose.

I chuckle kicking out a stool for her to sit down, “Clearly all of this is just for me. I mean what normal, healthy pony doesn’t eat eight chocolate chip pancakes, half a pack of hay bacon, four slices of toast, two glasses of orange juice, and two cups of coffee every morning?” I say in the most sarcastic tone possible. Lyra looks defeated and starts to turn to the door. Oh crap, she thought I was serious. “Sarcasm Lyra, sarcasm!” She pauses. “Please don’t go, I was kidding really. I could never eat all of this by myself and left overs are not something I’m big on.” I laugh nervously, please don’t leave. It’s probably only like six in the morning. The sun isn’t even up yet, then again Celestia has been raising it later it seems. Probably just getting lazy, or maybe found herself a colt or something.

Lyra hesitates and then sits. I take my seat opposite her and help myself to some of the food I’d made. After a nod from me (dear lord filly you didn’t need my approval) Lyra also helps herself. She shovels food in her mouth. I can see her trying to be as polite about it as possible but she acts like she hadn’t had a proper meal in days. That’s what I wanted to just see Lyra being Lyra. It’s nice. We eat in silence for some time when Lyra finally comes up for air after her fifth pancake and says, “I’m so sorry! I-it was all just so good I couldn’t control myself.” She looks down ashamed.

I laugh loudly, “What are you sorry for again? For enjoying my cooking? I’m sorry Lyra but that is a really silly reason to be sorry.” Oh sweet Celestia I’m crying. Stop laughing Bon Bon you’re being rude. I get myself to calm down.

She stammers looking at the table and politely puts all the dishes in my sink with her magic. “It’s just…you’ve been so nice to me. You took me out to dinner last night, took me meet my idol, you even let me spend the night here. I feel so stupid. I should have really booked a hotel…” She begins to clean the dishes, granted she’s using her magic and she’s already half way through them.

“Whoa now!” I shout quietly grabbing one of the floating plates. “One you’re not stupid. Stuff happens and two, you’re my guest, guest don’t do the house work.” She puts the plate over with the others to dry easily taking it out of my grasp. She does pause with the dishes if only for a moment. “Lyra there is no reason to feel stupid. You forgot something it happens. I had this saying that used to really get Octavia’s blood boiling. How’d it go? Oh yeah, A ducks gonna duck, a human’s gonna human, and a ponies gonna pone.” I chuckle at my own sillyness.

Lyra laughs too, though it was more of a giggle. She’s so cute when she giggles. I shake my head. I really need to stop thinking about her like that. She has a faïence, he’s a rotten, jerk face but she is still going to get married and I need to respect that if only for her sake. “I’m sorry but I have two questions. First what was all of that suppose to mean and secondly what in the world is a human?”

I chuckle harder, “You need to stop being sorry about everything.” I stop laughing and begin to think scratching my chin with my hoof. “If I remember the context right it pretty much just means stuff’s gonna happen and you should just roll with it because you are what you are. As for what’s a human? I can honestly say I have no idea what so ever. I read about them in a dusty old story book some where when I was a kid but they didn’t really seem like my thing ya’ know? Something about being talking hairless apes or something. It was neat at the time.”

Lyra’s eyes light up at the idea of mythical, hairless apes. Not sure why. “Alright one more question, why did it aggravate Ms. Melody so?”

I think about this for a minute. Why did it piss off Octavia? Then I remember, “Octavia is a total grammar fiend. If you use anything wrong she’ll call you on it. Kind of fun to watch her and Vinyl argue about that trivial stuff actually. Some times I wish I had somepony to argue with about dumb stuff like that. We’d fight about something stupid and then make up like it never happened because we really do love each other and yeah…that just sounds nice.”

Lyra smiles warmly at me, “Bon Bon…” she says softly coming closer to me. My whole body gets warmer, is she gonna kiss me? Don’t do it! She engaged! Bad Bonny, no bad thoughts! She gets close to my ear and whispers, “I did the dishes.” and then she runs like hell out of the kitchen.

My brain takes a minute to process this. She did the dishes? I look behind me and there are all the dishes sitting on my counter clean and drying. Wait, “I told you guest don’t do the house work!” I shout giving chase. As I run I notice she used her magic to dust, sweep, and pick up some of my knickknacks. That bitch (and I mean that in the best way) is cleaning my house! “Guest don’t do the house work!” I shout again, I see Lyra’s mint tail turn the corner and I make chase. I nearly knock something over but Lyra grabs it with her magic still running full speed ahead. “Guest don’t do the house work!” I shout one last time tackling her to the ground. We’re both kind of shocked at first by the whole thing, but suddenly she burst into loud, uncensored, pure laughter and it was the greatest moment of my life so far. I join her in laughter, it feels amazing.

We just lay there on the floor. I roll off of her after a few moments because face it that was going to get a little weird and the last thing I want is to weird this mare out. We’re both just in my hallway laughing like to crazy ponies. It’s wonderful. “I’m sorry I cleaned your house.” She says at last.

I smack her on the arm lightly, “You need to stop apologizing for everything.” I can’t stop smiling. “Thank you for cleaning my house.” I say as the chuckles at last die down. “I don’t think I’ve ever seen it this clean.” I roll over to face Lyra, she’s still beaming with joy. “I guess we’re even now.”

She looks at me with concerned and confused eyes, “Ms. Bon Bon…” I thought we’d gotten past all that miss crap. She rolls over to me and with a sigh and gives me a hug. It’s nice, it’s really nice. “I am forever indebted to you. You’ve housed me, fed me, and took me to meet my idol. If there is ever anything you need don’t hesitate to ask.” Never let me go. That’s a good place to start. Don’t marry that ass hat you told me about. She releases the hug, so much for the first part. “I mean it…I mean my family isn’t as well off as it once was but I’m sure that I could help, even just a little.”

Wait. What? “Is that why you’re marrying that guy? Because his family’s got money?” She doesn’t say anything just kind of looks sad. I sit up, “You’re dad’s making you marry this crazy horse because he has money?” I stand up, this is ridiculous. “You’re dad’s making you marry a violent jerk off because he’s rich!?” I need to calm down, I’m shaking all over, and I slam a hoof with each word. “That is the most..! It’s the most…ugh.” I rub my eyes with my hooves. “Who is this guy any way? Your dad I mean?”

Lyra hesitates, I just noticed she sat up. “My…father is Silver Dollar.” My jaw drops. Silver Dollar was the third richest pony in all of Equestria until someone caught him embezzling from his own company. The media was split right down the middle half of them saying he was framed and the other half saying he was finally getting what he deserved. I read in one of the local papers that his wife also died last year. Needless to say after being on top for so long the guy now hit rock bottom and from the looks of it he’d taken his daughter with him. Shame too, I’d always heard that he was a stand up colt…I guess he wasn’t.

I place a comforting hoof on her shoulder, “Lyra I had no idea…” She must be devastated too, first her mother passes away and then her father gets caught up in some scandal and here I am yelling at her like an idiot. I’m the worst kind of pony. I’m the worst kind of friend.

She smacks my hoof away, “No how could you know?” I can see her trying not to cry. “ How could you not see the resemblance? I mean everypony tells me all the time how I look just like my father. I have his eyes and his mane and…and…He‘s been all over the news for months and…and…and…” She breaks down crying. “And I just want him to be okay!” She wails. “But no he forces me to come to this stupid little town so I can “put things into perspective” whatever that means. Sure he arranged the marriage but it was my idea! And Comet Tail…god I’ve never met such an arrogant pony before! The only one I can think who might have been worse is Blue Blood. Did you know he’s not even a prince? Thank god we’re cousins, I can’t even stand to be in the same room as that idiot! Comet, not Blue Blood, okay both of them. I have to hold my tongue though, this marriage needs to happen. It’s the only way. It’s the only way damn it! My father will get the respect he deserves back! He‘s worked so hard for it. I just…I just” she leaps into my open forelegs and I pat her on the back as she cries loudly. “I just want everything to be okay…” She wails into my shoulder.

I let her cry, it’s what she needs right now. When I’m sure she’s done I at last speak up, “Lyra listen…” She doesn’t move, and she doesn’t stir, I’m not even sure if she’s still breathing. “You don’t owe me anything. You don’t owe anyone a damn thing. I know you want to help your dad but is it really worth it to have to live with that jackass?” Again no offence to any actual jackasses. She doesn’t say anything. I feel terrible but I know she just needs someone to be her friend right now. I know she needs something to distract her right now, “Hey I have an idea, why don’t I show you my candy shop? Take your mind off of things. I haven’t had a taste tester in the longest time. I could use some fresh taste buds, I’ve burned off half of mine. Haha…What do you say Lyra?” She doesn’t say anything she just holds me closer. “Lyra?”

She squeezes tighter, “Just…just hold me a little longer…” She says as no more than a whisper.

I frown, “Alright Lyra, whatever you need I’m here for you.” That’s all I want to be right now. I want to be that pony who’s there for her. Not her girlfriend but her girl friend, not her lover but someone who loves her. She clings to my fur and I hold her close while she trembles and cries. This week sucks. This week really, really sucks.

After another hour or so I convince Lyra she needs to get out. She heads to the bathroom to clean up a little, meanwhile I call Octavia and Vinyl and tell them to meet me at my shop. I don’t give them any details aside from Lyra is very upset and could use some friends. Vinyl is hesitant at first but comes around in the end, between Octavia telling Vinyl it’s the right thing to do and me offering some free candy if the DJ tags along, there really never was another choice. Lyra comes out of the bathroom, her eyes are still a little puffy. “You going to be alright Lyra?” I ask trying to keep my voice even. Probably not even the best question to ask, I really shouldn’t have asked it. She nods and gives me the saddest smile I’d ever seen on any pony. I never want to see her like this ever again.

My shop is only a few feet from my house. That’s why I picked the place, it’s close to home. I unlock the door and it gives a slight jingle as we walk inside. I really should get something louder. I can never hear that little bell when I’m in the back. I take the batches I’d made last night before I went out with Lyra and put them out for display. Lolly pops, chocolates, liquorish, caramels, and mints just to name a few, line the shelves and light up in their bright wrappers. That‘s a sight I never get tired of. I see Lyra eyeing some of the mints. “Help yourself.” I say with a smile.

“No I couldn’t possibly…they’re for sale. You’ll loose money.” She stammers.

True, I would loose some profit, but I sell a bag of them for two bits any way so I doubt I’ll loose too much. Besides how much can one pony eat. “Don’t worry, I’ve got plenty.” I reassure. She takes one of the small bags and then sits next to the counter and puts one of the chocolate coated peppermints into her mouth. I continue to stock watching her melt at the taste. What can I say? I’m one of the best candy makers around, the only reason I don’t get as much business as I’d like is because of Sugar Cube corner down the street. Me and the cakes have a deal though, I provide them with all their candy needs and they let me have all the baked goods I want for a discounted price, on top of that they do have to pay for all the candy. I give them a discounted price because of how much their buying but it all works out pretty even. They just get more business than I do. Frankly, I don’t blame anyone though. They’ve got tasty stuff and put my candies to good use.

I sit down at the counter, “Good right?” Lyra just smiles quietly at me mouth full of mints. Morning at the shop are usually pretty typical, some fillies stop in before school and pick up some sweets with their allowance money, then Pinkie Pie drops by and picks up and order for the cakes. She tries to ask me about Lyra but I told her I didn’t feel like talking about it.

The good thing about Pinkie Pie is she actually is pretty good at reading a room. So, with a quick, “Okie dokie Loki!” She skips out the door with her candy. Yeah it’s totally looking to be a typical day. Still no sign of Octavia and Vinyl though. Oh well, it looks like that bag of mints has taken Lyra’s mind off of things for now any way.

That really sucks about her dad. I can’t imagine what it must be like. Then again my dad delivers milk for a living so I can’t say there are many scandals involved with that line of work. Can you imagine though? Milk delivery colt caught stealing cow’s cash. Nah, it wouldn’t even make the news. I should give my parents a call one of these days. Dad would find that hilarious, I always did have his sense of humor.

My regular morning turns into a regular afternoon. Costumers come in, look over some stuff, some of them talk to Lyra, some talk to me, some even buy some candy(isn‘t that nice). Then another regular comes in, “Hey Lemon Heart.” I say with a smirk. Lemon Heart is the town shrink. She took over after Dr. Screw Ball lost one too many of her screws. Then again some ponies say that that nut job was the daughter of Discord. So, can you really blame her?

Any way back to Lemon Heart, I know Lemon Heart because her and I have the same hair stylist. Over getting our hair curled she told me her fondness for lemon sweets and making lemon flavored sweets. Of course I told her I make the best damn lemon drops in town, and it’s true. Bon Bon Sweetie Drops Bon is always two things: honest and humble. Lemon Heart has been stopping in every day since then for her fix. She’s also always fallowed by another pony. This pony also has the same hair dresser as Lemon Heart and I. She’s also kind of Lemon Heart’s stalker.

I say kind of a stalker because she doesn’t fallow Lemon Heart every where, and this pony really is a sweet pony she’s just really nervous around any pony she likes. This pony’s name is Shoe Shine. Like I said Shoe Shine, Lemon Heart, and I all have the same hair stylist so I’ve talked to both of them a good bit. Lemon Heart thinks Shoe Shine seems harmless but is kind of put off by how quiet Shoe Shine is, and Shoe Shine thinks Lemon Heart is the greatest pony ever, but has been hurt by so many other pony’s in her life she’s just to scared to ask Lemon out. I told Shine to stop by the shop around this time so she could have a safe place to talk to Lemon Heart, so far it hasn’t worked. Come to think of it I’m the reason Shoe Shine seems like a creepy stalker. Whoops, my bad. “Hey Shoe Shine.” I also greet with a smirk. Shoe Shine smiles politely, takes one look at Lemon Heart and then walks as far from the counter as possible. Same old routine I guess.

Lemon Heart sets her bag on the counter, “This is starting to get a little unnerving. She fallows me in here nearly every day…” Lemon Heart glances over at Shoe Shine who was staring. “She also constantly stares at me, which is flattering at best and creepy at worse.” I should just tell Lemon Heart.

I take a deep breath, “Yeah that’s kind of my fault.” Lemon Heart raises an eye brow at me. “You know how the three of us have the same hair stylist?” Lemon Heart nods slowly in response. “Well Shoe Shine sort of mentioned to me that she has a crush on you. She was nervous so I told her to stop by the shop so she’d have a safe place to talk to you. So far this has been the result. I was honestly just trying to help a friend. If you don’t feel the same way Lemon let her down easy like, okay?” I’m sorry Shoe Shine. I can’t keep this going.

Lemon Heart turns back to Shoe Shine, “Is this true? You have a crush on me?” I can’t see Lemon Heart’s face any more but her voice is kind of uneven. I notice Lyra just watching the whole thing.

Shoe Shine steps closer to the door, I see some magenta magic keeping it closed. That must be Lemon Heart, looking at her horn confirms it. I position myself slightly over the counter in case things get messy. “I…uhh…well…ummm…” Shoe Shine stammers. She looks close to tears. That Lemon Heart has no tact, who am I kidding this is my fault. Shoe Shine looks like a little scared school filly. “Y-yes?” Shine replies avoiding eye contact. “I…umm…th-think you’re nice, and pretty, and cool, and so collected. I umm…I mean if you want to…I like lemon drops too?” Wow, she’s really drowning.

I step over the counter and put a calming hoof around Lemon Heart, her magic releases over the door. “Look Lemon you can’t be mad at Shine it was my idea. She just gets kind of freaked out around pony’s she doesn’t really know. More so if she think she likes them. Give her a chance alright?” I’m trying really hard to get some of the tension out of the room.

I see Shoe Shine plant her hooves, “Lemon Heart.” She says sounding bold. It almost instantly flatters. “I-I sort of…kind of…really…like you. If you don’t like me back that’s fine.” Shine says sounding bold again. “Even if we never date…I’d still like to be your friend. I know I probably seem really weird fallowing you around all the time and I get if y-you…you wouldn’t want to but…will…will you go out with me?” Shoe Shine shakes slightly, she certainly isn’t steady. She looked down, then back up. She looked any where but Lemon Heart. It’s quiet in the shop, and for once I’m just glad they’re not that many ponies here today.

Lemon Heart comes closer to Shoe Shine who intuitively steps back. With a small bit of magic, and a quick smile Lemon Heart simply gives something to Shoe Shine and leaves. “What is it?” I ask coming closer to Shoe Shine who looks baffled. In her hoof is a small scrap of paper, she opens it. Written on the paper is an address with a short message, “Write to me, we can set something up later when you feel more comfortable.” I look at Shoe Shine, I can’t read her expression. “Tough break Shine. You know what they say though there are other monsters in Everfree.” That’s a silly saying, a true one but still.

Shoe Shine beams at me, “No,” She says smiling ear to ear. “this is perfect! I can write a letter to her and go over it a few times so I don’t sound like an idiot. My nerves won’t get in the way of just writing to her.” Shoe Shine can’t stop smiling. “This is perfect.” She repeats leaving the store trotting happily home. Well I’ll be Lemon Heart figured out a way around Shoe Shine’s shyness.

I walk back behind the counter, Lyra’s smiling at me. “That was amazing.” She says sweetly. She keeps smiling at me and looks like she wants to say something else. Our happiness however is short lives when Berry “The Bitch” Punch walks in the door.

Author's Note

Wow this chapter is long. Sorry about the lack of updates in general (and if this chapter feels off) been super busy with school and stuff. Probably won't get anything else out soon either. Haven't forgotten, just don't have time.

Berry "The Bitch" Punch

Could this week get any worse? As soon as something good happens something terrible happens to balance it out I swear. What did I do to deserve this? Oh, right…all the bad stuff. Lyra steps a little closer to me when she sees Berry walk through the door. No, not just Berry. Berry, her wife Minutte (Colgate to her friends, Coly to Berry), and their daughter Pinchy. (Not sure if the kid is adopted or from one of Berry’s previous relationships but, boy is that kid scared of me.) “Bon Bon.” Berry says in annoyed tone, only to receive a swift kick to the gut from Minutte. “Ow.” Berry remarks with a wince.

Minutte gives Berry the most annoyed look I’ve ever seen, “Berry we talked about this. You came here to apologize for yesterday remember?” Blunt as ever Minutte. She points to me with a hoof, “Now apologize.” I guess we all know who wears the pants in this relationship.(Wait. What are pants?) Berry mutters something angrily. Minutte huffs, “Berry Ruby Punch, we both know Bon Bon is one of your best friends and one of few ponies who will actually put up with you when you’re at your worse.” Berry winces. “I know it hurts dear, and I’d never ask you to change but I don’t want you fighting with the mare who’s brought you home safe and sound night after night.” Colgate makes it sound better than it really is. I just do what any decent pony would do. You know? Walk the drunker home and make sure she doesn’t get mugged or worse.

Truth be told I won’t really call Berry and me friends, more like drinking buddies. Like I said before Berry is totally the town drunk, she’s also an amazing wing mare. She’s a total bitch, but one of three ponies (I guess four now if we count Lyra) I’d want having my back in fight. We fight and argue a lot, and are like night and day but yeah Berry and I are pretty tight. Berry puffs out her chest, “I won’t apologize until she apologizes for calling me a drunk.” Berry stomps her hoof a few times for emphasizes.

Now it’s my turn to get huffy, “Me? You’re the one who told Lyra that I’m a super gay bitch. I mean it’s true but you don’t have to lead with that. Some friend, hell some wing mare.” I shake a hoof making fun of Berry. “I’m Berry Punch, this is my friend Bon Bon she’s a bitch but you should totally give her a chance.” I pretend to drink from a bottle for effect.

Berry stomps on the ground in anger, “Yeah well, look at me I’m Bon Bon I’m a jerk to everyone even though I had a great life. Look how messed up I am. Why doesn’t anyone love me? Vinyl has a nice ass. Whine, whine, whine.” Berry put a hoof to her forehead and pretended to look sad and troubled.

I scrunch up my face, is that really how I sound? “Yeah well,” I say. “I’m Berry Punch and I’m going to drink every night even though I have a loving, smoking hot, wife and a great kid!”

Berry glares at me, “I’m Bon Bon and I’m going to complain all the time instead of doing anything productive with my life.”

“Yeah well I’m-” I get cut off by Minutte.

“Yes, well I’m Minutte and I think you two are acting like foals.” Yeah Minutte was right we were acting like fool and foals. That’s just how we are though. Then Berry did something she probably shouldn’t have done.

Berry “the dead mare” Punch made fun of her wife. “Ohh I’m Minutte, Berry don’t put your hooves on the table, Berry you can’t have whiskey with breakfast, Berry go apologize to Bon Bon.” Berry really shouldn’t have done that. Truth be told there is one mare in this world that I’m afraid of and her name is Minutte.

See, Minutte is an ex-royal guard turned dentist. She knows all of the princesses personally, and I should know all of them were at her freaking wedding. She was Princess Cadence’s body guard in high school. HIGH SCHOOL! Minutte was a forced to be reckoned with before any of us even knew her, heck she was probably a force to be reckoned with before she was born. She knows a hundred ways to take down any pony, no screw any pony she’s gone toe to toe with changelings and hydras, and she now practices dentistry. Minutte is terrifying and Berry just made fun of her.

Minutte’s pretty face goes from blue to red, “Excuse me!? “ She yells mane and tail practically ablaze. Berry backs up, “What was that? Did you just mock me? Did you really just mock me?” Minutte steps closer horn light up with magic. “Do you really want to go down that road Berry? Do you!?”

Berry stammers, “I…I…” she gulps loudly.

Just before Minutte turns Berry into punch Lyra chimes in, “Minutte? Wait, did you go to Canterlot high?”

Minutte gives Lyra a confused and angry look. Whatever you’re doing Lyra I suggest you do it fast.

“Yes, that’s right. Class of ’85.” The glow of Minutte’s horn becomes less intense. She looks more puzzled then angry now and is facing Lyra instead of Berry.

Lyra’s face lights up, “I was the class of ’86! I thought I knew you from some where. I’m surprised I didn’t recognize you sooner. I mean we were both brides maids for Princess Cadence, what a day that was. I can’t believe you took out four changelings at once. You have to tell me the story.” Lyra says taking a very confused Minutte over to talk. Minutte shoots Berry a look of anger and of pleading for help. Lyra winks at Berry and I hardly hear a, “You owe me.” Smart, funny, and good at handling scary situations. I wonder how much of her story is actually true.

Berry and Pinchy walk up to the counter, “Did that just happen?” Berry asked me sounding both pleased and confused.

“Yup.” I replay handing Pinchy a small bag of sugar free candy. Minutte is very strict with the little tike no real candy allowed, but the kid is a sucker for some suckers so every now and then I’ll make her a batch of sugar free ones. The kid gives me a nervous smile and pulls one out of the bag. Her magic doesn’t really work yet but she can do a cute little levitation spell.

I hear Minutte yell over the kid, “Pinchy what do you say?” and then she immediately goes back to reminiscing with Lyra. I hear a few things here and there. Something about zapping a changeling back in time, another about crushing ones skull with her thighs. Sounds like a fun story.

Sheepishly Pinchy smiles at me with a sucker in her mouth and goes, “Thankyou…” and then trots away to go listen to Minutte’s story. Cute kid, a little shy but she really is cute.

Berry leans on the counter, “Sorry about yesterday. I guess we’re even now. I mean Lyra saved both of our flanks.” Berry and I both chuckle.

I lean on the counter, “Yeah she’s pretty awesome isn’t she. What was with the “super gay” thing though? I mean come on, first off you know I go both ways, secondly that is not how we introduce the awesomeness that is Bon Bon to anyone attractive. Taken or not.”

Berry gave me a sideways glance, “That’s why I said it that way. Lyra’s not into mares and she’s engaged. It was more for you than it was for her. I was trying to tell you without telling you she’s engaged and isn’t going to be interested so don’t try. Then you brought up my drinking problem, not cool by the way, and I just kind of snapped.” Berry runs a hoof through her mane. She’s totally hiding something. I raise an eye brow in an attempt to gain more information. “Alright fine I was also super hung over and got yelled at by both the mayor and Minutte for being out late drinking. You just kind of picked the wrong time to poke the mare you know?”

I chuckle loudly, “Berry Punch going to work hung over? What else is new.” Berry shoots me a dirty look. “Alright I’m sorry too dude. I know you’re trying to get help for your drinking problem and I shouldn’t have brought it up. Seriously though you could’ve just ran in before bringing Lyra in and be like, “Dude there’s this smoking hot mare coming in a few seconds, she’s straight and taken so play it cool.” I mean I would have gotten it.” I’m still kind of bummed out that Lyra’s taken, but there’s nothing I can do about it so I’ll be more than happy to just be her friend. Probably better that way any how.

Just then Octavia and Vinyl bust through my door, “Lyra are you alright?” Octavia yells coming over to Lyra’s aid against Minutte. “Bon Bon said you were upset about something, did any of these brutes hurt you dear?” Wow Octavia is being really sweet, I do not like that one bit. It’s my job to be Lyra’s friend not Octavia’s. Okay, now I know how Octavia feels when I check out Vinyl, you win this round Octavia!

“Berry.” Vinyl snorts stepping up to the counter. “We came as fast as we could, what’s all the hubbub bub? I bet she has something to do with it.” Vinyl glares at Berry.

Okay so story time, I am not the first pony here to hit on Vinyl even after finding out she and Octavia were going out, Berry was. It was maybe two years ago while Minutte had broken up with Berry for reasons neither of them told anyone. Probably Berry’s drinking, maybe Minutte’s work (this was before she settled down and became a dentist). Berry and Minutte hadn’t been dating long and Berry was looking to rebound. Now, Vinyl and Octavia were maybe together for two weeks at the time, wow Vinyl and Octavia have been together for nearly two years that’s kind of weird, so their relationship was still super new. It was at a bar one night and the whole gang was there, Me, Vinyl, Octavia, Berry, and even Minutte who desperately needed to relax.

So we’re all drinking and having a good time when Berry grabs Vinyl’s flank. Of course Vinyl got kind of pissed about it and Octavia got super protective, but the real kicker was when Berry suggested they all go back to her place and…well I’m not getting into it, you get the idea. Needless to say Vinyl got really pissed and still isn’t over it. Octavia’s forgave Berry after a tearful apology, and Minutte was so drunk she doesn’t even remember that night. We try not to talk about it.

“Come on Vinyl.” Berry says sounding annoyed. “I apologized for that ages ago, I was drunk and lonely. You’re not even really my type.” Vinyl scoffs. “Fine be a jerk, just know I have nothing to do with…wait Lyra was upset?”

Oh yeah that’s why we came here isn’t it? Lyra was upset about her life and I wanted to cheer her up and then all this stuff happened. She seems fine now though, “Yeah,” I say sounding kind of distant. I watch Lyra talking to Octavia and Minutte, they all seem to be getting along okay. “she’s got a ton of family issues back home. I thought Octavia could cheer her up better then I could because, you know, music stuff. I don’t get music stuff…I really don’t get Octavia’s music stuff. Plus she only really knows everypony in this room and well Pinkie Pie, but everypony knows Pinkie Pie.” I sigh. She seems happy now, but for all I know she could just be putting a brave face for everyone.

Berry leans on the counter, “I dunno dude she seemed pretty happy when I got here. I mean nervous but that is probably because I nearly decked you yesterday.”

Vinyl laughs, “That’s funny yesterday Octavia actually decked Bon Bon!” Oh joy now they’re getting along. “Yeah, Bon Bon was totally checking out my flank and Octi just yells, “Get your own stupid unicorn!” and just punches Bon Bon right in the face. It was great, I think you were out for like two hours dude.”

I rub my hoof on my cheek where Octavia had struck me, “I’m just glad she didn’t leave a bruise. I mean, what would I do then? My face is my money maker.” The three of us laugh while we’re joined by Lyra, Octavia, Minutte, and Pinchy.

Lyra slides behind the counter and sits next to me, “What’s so funny?” She asks in her adorable Canterlot accent. No, bad Bon Bon. Lyra is friend, just friend.

Berry snickers, “Bon Bon getting punched in the face.” I groan loudly but that just makes everyone laugh more. This is my life now, friends who laugh at my misery. At least I have friends, and with friends like these mares who needs enemies? Well except Lyra, Lyra’s still pretty cool.

We all share a couple more laughs and before any of us know it it’s closing time. I walk everypony out of the store and we say our goodbyes. Octavia even gives Lyra a big hug. I think I hear her whisper something but I’m not too sure. Lyra looks like she’s blushing, and staring at me though. Must be my imagination.

Yeah, looks like today’s wrapping up just like it began, average but nice. Berry and Minutte offer to walk us back to my place but there kid looks super tired so, “Nah guys you go on and head home me and Lyra got this.” Minutte puts the kid on her back and that is possibly the most adorable thing I’ve ever seen ever, I think my heart might explode from too much cute.

Me and Lyra walk back to my place while the sun goes down, it looks like it’s going to be a really nice night. Lyra steps closer to me as she watches the sun kiss the skyline. “It’s really lovely here.” She says with a sheepish smile. I nod in agreement.

We make it back to my place and I unlock the door. That is not an easy feat for someone without magic, or wings let me tell you. Lyra pulls me over to the sofa, “I just want to thank you again for all you’ve done.” She say’s softly.

“Lyra it’s really nothing.”

She shakes her head and hugs me tightly. “No, really Bon Bon it’s everything. Thank you.” She’s really close to me and then before I even register what’s going on she kisses me.

Author's Note

Well that just happened. What'll happen next? Will Bon Bon and Lyra end up together? What about Lyra's husband to be? Will I ever update on a constant schedule? All of these and more someday!