“So there I was. Standing ever vigilant on the roof of Sugarcube Corner, with my pair of trusty binoculars, scouring the land for evil-meanie pantseseses. And then I spotted one! A no good, rotten pony in the market, stealing some flowers from poor old Roseluck!” Pinkie exclaimed, her hooves in the shape of a pair of binoculars.
Fluttershy let out a soft ‘Eep~’, hiding her face behind a curtain of hair as Pinkie leaned in closer to her, both eyes bulging in and out of the makeshift pair of optical enhancers.
“My cape waved majestically in the air-” her eyes became pinpricks and darted between her friends. “Ohmygosh! You girls should have seen it! It was black with pink stripe thingies all over! It was all flappity and cool looking! I wish I actually had one! I would wear it every day and look super duper awesome!” The pink ball of energy rocketed to her hooves, dancing haphazardly, almost knocking some of Twilight’s books off the library shelves in the process.
“Pinkie,” Twilight called out to her overexcited friend, trying to maintain some form of normality to their slumber party and to spare her books an early demise.
Her dancing and twirling came to an abrupt halt, as if a switch had been thrown. Her head stopped mere inches away from her intended target, one marshmallow colored pony. The party pony’s eyes grew as big as saucers, and an unnaturally large grin—one that only Pinkie could manage to pull off—was plastered across her face. Rarity recoiled slightly, putting more of a comfortable space between the two.
“Rarity! Please, please, please with super-extra-sugary goodness on top- mhmm mmngh mnm!” She was cut off as a white hoof popped into her mouth. The errant hoof doing little to stop her from attempting to finish her sentence.
“Of course, darling, I’ll make you a cape. Just give me some time to come up with a design, alright?”
“Mmgmh!” She responded as she shook her head vigorously up and down, causing the seamstress to remove her hoof for fear of it being broken off. Pinkie tackled her into a big hug. “Oh thank you! Thank you! Thank you! You're the bestest best friend ever!”
“Pinkie, can’t... breathe.” The white unicorn gasped out, tapping her friend on the back to garner her attention.
“Oh, hehe, right. Sorry. I just got a bit excited,” she sheepishly replied, removing her death grip.
“It’s perfectly alri-” She halted, feeling her hoof squish on the wooden floor of the library. “Ewwww! Pinkie, where did you get all this drool from?!” The uptight mare gave her hoof a dainty shake, the drool swinging back and forth in viscous strands. “I wasn’t aware one could slobber so much in such a short time...”
Pinkie cocked her head. “Wait. Don’t tell me that you don’t know where slobber comes from? Don't they teach you that in foalschool?” With a serious expression, she tapped her chin, deep in thought about the quandary at hoof, completely forgetting about the promised cape.
“What happened next, Pinks?” Rainbow Dash blurted out, trying to get Pinkie back to her story.
“Right, next… hmmm. Let’s see,” she said, sitting back down in her spot on the floor. “I was standing on the roof… the flower stealing meanie... my majestic cape blowing in the wind… Oh yeah! So there I was, standing on the roof-”
“Ya’ll went over this part already,” Applejack stated bluntly, taking another drink of her hard cider.
Pinkie blew a raspberry at the county pony. “Fine, grumpy McGrumpypants. This dream gets a little juicy, so no more interruptions.” She rubbed her hooves together in excitement before continuing. “I leapt off the building into a nearby bush.” She accented her story with the motion of her hooves. “I darted from bush to box to mailbox to cloud to tree, getting closer by the second…”
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The young, partially cloaked stallion raced away from the scene of the crime, thinking that he would get away scot free. But I, The Pink Mustache, craftily followed in lukewarm pursuit of the flowery bandit as he turned down Seedy alley.
I sprang up directly in front of the grey earth pony, yelling my catch phrase, “No one rides the mustache but me!” He yelped in surprise, falling back on his flank. The look on his face was priceless as he stared at my super awesome cape, or from the fact that I had just appeared out of nowhere right in front of him. Either way, if I was in his hooves, I would be starting at my cape.
“W-who the hell are you?!” the criminal stuttered, dropping the stolen rose from his mouth and backpedaling.
“Evildoer, it is I, The Pink Mustache!” I proclaimed proudly, pointing an accusatory hoof at him. “Give yourself up thief or face the wrath of my cupcakes!” I finished, gently booping his nose with a grin.
“Ahhh!” he shouted, jumping up to his hooves. “Stay the hell away from me, you crazy mare! I didn’t steal anything!” He points a hoof back at me as we stood there, both of our hooves raised and pointed at each other. It was just like a bad Mexican bakeoff!
We stood there, staring at each other, waiting for the other one to make a move. He was the first to turn around and run away. Yes! Nopony beats Pinkie Pie in a staring contest! I put a hoof to my mouth as I giggled. Oh, wait, he’s getting away!
“Stop right there, criminal scum! Nopony breaks the law on my watch!” I clearly spoke as I appeared mere feet ahead of him with a pop. I held my hoof out and he skidded to a stop, once again booping his nose against the bottom of my Hoof of Justice™.
His ears dropped, and his face turned white as he backed up once again. “W-what the hell are you?!” he screamed as he ran back down the alleyway in fright.
I growled, stomping a hoof into the ground. ‘I already told you~ I’m the Pink Mustacheeeeee!” I yelled. My voice echoed throughout the alley towards the fleeing criminal. Surely he would remember my moniker this time, and if he didn’t, I guess I’d just have to tell him again and again until he did. Oh yes, he would remember my name by the time I was through with him.
A large net materialized out of thin air, covering the miscreant just inches before he was able to turn the corner down the street. He fell to the ground, my sticky net holding him firmly as he thrashed around, desperately trying to free himself. I merrily bounced down the dingy back street toward my present, thinking of all the wonderful fun we were going to have before I turned him into the police. I hummed a happy little ditty. Criminals, so sweet and tasty. Criminals don't be too hasty!
He was being a very naughty stallion, struggling about inside the net and yelling all sorts of mean and hurtful things at me. I was doing the community a huge, mega awesome favor by catching these very bad ponies and this is how he thanks me for keeping the streets clean from ponies like him? Oh, yeah. I guess he wouldn’t be happy about it... Oh well, it’s a good thing I brought along Mr. Ball Gag to help me out.
I dragged him to my super secret underground volcanic lair of chocolaty justice or at least I wish it was that, how super awesome would that be? Instead of the awesome underground lair, I had to settle for the basement at the bakery. Ehh, it would have to do for right meow. I tied him down onto a chair, making sure he couldn’t move and removed Mr. Ball Gag. I frowned, looking over the spit-covered device. Mr. Crotchety over here did not seem to have the decency to not drool all over it—Rarity pursed her lips at this, still in the process of removing the laden spittle from her poor hoof. “Pot, meet kettle”. The young stallion was still being very adamant that he did nothing wrong, but I knew better than that. My twin eyes of vigilantism could pierce right through his veil of lies.
I was saddened that he wouldn’t confess to his heinous crime of theft in the hoof degree. How could I turn him over to the authorities if it was just going to be my word against his? They would just release him and all my hard work would be for nothing! Nothing I say! This would not stand.
I grabbed a bright light, shining it directly in his face as I started drilling him with hard hitting questions, like what his name was and where he lived. Beads of sweat started to form on his brow as he refused to give up any information. Hour after hour he kept repeating was the same boring lines over and over “Please, let me go, I’m innocent. You got the wrong pony.” over and over. My hair was starting to deflate; wow was this stallion a bummer. Well, if he won't play nice, then neither will I! I decided.
I removed the glaring light from his face and replaced it with a thick blindfold. He was still resisting at this point, yelling the same hurtful things at me as before, making me even sadder. I had to re-introduce him to Mr. Ball Gag. Boy were those two going to become BBGFFs—Best Ball Gag Friends Forever. I moved him over to a table, laying him down on his back, and strapping his limbs securely to each corner.
He muttered something, but Mr. Ball Gag was doing his job like a good little gag should and kept the stallion’s complaining to a soft volume. I ignored whatever it was he was attempting to say to me as I grabbed a faux leather riding crop. I would never use real leather! You don't harm animals like that! That would just be cruel!
I rubbed his cheek with the flat part of the crop, letting him know that he was going to confess to his crimes one way of the other. I smacked him on the muzzle, just hard enough to get his attention, when he didn’t respond.
“Nod if you understand me.” I waited for a moment for him to do just that, but he was still being a mule about the whole situation. So I bought the business end of the crop down directly on his inner thigh. This caused him to let out a muffled yelp as he nodded his head.
“There’s a good boy,” I cooed at him, running the crop along his thigh and up his side. “I will give you a chance to confess once every two hours. And if you don’t, this will continue until you do.” I paused, waiting patiently for a response that never came. He was starting to get on my bad side, I knew by now, my hair had to be completely flat now. I thwacked him in the same spot again, but harder this time, making him scream into Mr. Gag. “Nod if you understand.”
He nodded, and I smiled back at him, not that he could see me anyways. It just felt good to smile. Every now and then, I would strike him with Lynda—that’s the name of my crop. She’s so nice! She always wants to play with the ponies that I bring down here, and I am more than happy to oblige her.
I could see he was getting aroused more and more after each kiss from Lynda. Boy, he must really like her if he is getting like that already. I decided to test out my new, uhh, what was that word Twilight always uses? Thory? Rorry? Corry? Whatever, I decided to test out what I had been thinking. He was enjoying this, and if that was the case, I have to put an end to that right meow.
I hit the bound stallion with increased ferocity and vigor. His cries of pain turned into moans of pleasure as his stallionhood became fully erect, lightly slapping his belly every time Lynda made him flinch. I decided to up my game a bit.
Walking to the end of the table, in between his legs. I asked Lynda if she was up to the task at hoof and was happy when she agreed to it. Lynda’s head squarely connected on one of the stallion’s exposed balls. He screamed and lurched around in pain.
“Yea, that will do quite nicely, Lynda. Thank you so much for agreeing to this.” I smiled at her before bringing her back on his other nut. He started yelling again and squirming in his restraints. That’s what he gets for not confessing when he had the chance.
I did this a few more times hoping his excitement would die down. I harrumphed as I stared at the still hard shaft, a dollop of precum rolled down the side. I could feel myself getting turned on at the sight of this young and virile stallion that I had strapped down to the table, all to myself. I bit my lower lip as I felt my hoof slide in between my legs, slowly caressing my outer folds. I quickly pulled it away. I had to focus on the task at hoof. I had all the time in the world to get myself off later. But why wait till later?
My eyes darted back and forth across the basement, unsure about what I was thinking about doing. But, he was a criminal after all… I got up onto the table, straddling his face. He moved his head to the side as he felt my soft fur run across his nose.
“Bring your head back to where it was,” I commanded as I told Lynda to kiss the tip of his dribbling member. He let out a muffled cry and complied.
Grinding my moist slit against his cold nose sent a jolt of pleasure up my spine. I moaned deeply, as I moved his muzzle farther into my awaiting sex. I eyed up his twitching member, the one-eyed wily stared back at me, begging to be played with. I licked my lips as my eyes followed its rhythmic up and down motion, I wanted it.
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“Pinkie,” Twilight said for the second time that night, with the exact same deadpan expression as before. “I really don’t think we need to hear about your ‘wet dreams’.” She accentuated her remark with air quotes.
“Awwww!” Both Pinkie and Dash said at the same time.
“You owe me a Coke™!”
Dash raised an eyebrow at her ecstatic friend. ‘What the hay is a Coke? And why did you say the letters ‘tm’ after it?” The girls all looked at Pinkie, awaiting an answer.
Pinkie just shrugged “I ‘unno.”
Fluttershy peeked out from her wall of hair. She had slunk back, trying desperately to hold her wings into place. “I-I don’t mind if you keep, um, telling us about your dream. That is if you-”
Applejack slammed down her mug of family heritage, cutting off the overly timid pegasus. “Yeah, Twi. Let her keep going. I don’t see no harm in it. It was just a dream after all. We all hav’em.”
“Well, yes, I suppose that’s true, but it’s not like we have to share-”
“Oh, Twilight,” the stay puft pony interrupted, in a slightly flustered tone. “Let her finish her tale of bravery and debauchery. I, for one, wish to see how it ends.”
Twilight snapped her mouth shut, and then opened it to say something. My friends are all perverts! “I-is this how you all feel?” she cautiously asked, eyes darting in between her friends, hoping they would change their minds. It’s not like she has never had dreams about coitus, but they were always strictly consensual and very vanilla—textbook reproduction at its most efficient.
To her dismay, they all nodded yes back to her. “Ugh, fine!” she threw her hooves into the air and laid back down.
Dash and Pinkie cheered and gave each other mid-air hoof bumps before they settled back into their respective spots. Twilight just sighed, laying her head in her hooves as Kinky Pie started up her story again.
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The reflection of the large cock could be seen dancing in my in wide eyes as I continued to grind my folds against the bound baddie’s nose. How did I know that his strapping stallion stick was reflected in my eyes, you ask? A mirror, duuuh!
I could feel his warm breath flowing over my well lubed labia, making me shudder in delight as I leaned forward, placing a hoof on either of his legs. The shaft in front of my quivering lips was now liberally coated in pre as I took it into my mouth. I swirled my tongue slowly around the tip, licking away the tasty treat he had baked in his twin ovens for me. It wasn’t overly salty, nor was it under salty; his porridge was just right.
The warm body under me shuddered as I lightly sucked and nipped at the fleshy stick. His body started to shake, and his breathing seemed forced as I continued on. I lifted and hovered my flank just above his gagged mouth. His nostrils flared wide as he took in a deep breath of air along with my scent. I moaned into his twitching dick as the rush of air on my nethers ticked and excited me further.
Not wanting to wait any longer, I plunged my pink petunia back over his muzzle, encasing his entire snout inside me. I guess I must have made him inhale some of my homemade sugar frosting, ‘cause he started gagging. I giggled at the thought, closing my eyes as I pushed his medial ring past my lips, giving it a firm bite, causing his body to tense up before taking the tip of his member down my throat, humming happily the whole time.
I bobbed my head slowly up and down, moving only a few inches at a time, allowing his large girth to ease into my esophagus as it gradually expanded to accommodate the interloper. My eyes opened again, seeing Lynda laying on the table, quietly waiting to be played with again. And what kind of friend would I be if I didn’t let her join in the fun again?
Easing a hoof down while keeping my balance and rhythmically suckling the lollipop in my mouth was a bit harder that I had expected but I was able to reach my friend with relative ease. I grinned, letting his length slide almost all the way out of my mouth, leaving only the squishy tip clamped tightly by my teeth.
His body froze as I pulled my head back, pulling his member taunt. Pulling back even farther, making him lift his flank into the air, exposing his two round baby makers. By this time, I could tell he needed to breathe again as I moved off his soaked face and onto his chest. His fur felt so good, caressing and ticking my lower lips as I rubbed myself gradually back and forth, my body seemed to be on auto pilot.
I groaned and bit down harder, licking around his urethra. Poking and prodding it with my wet muscle, trying to force my way into him. I was so enthralled with my ministrations that I had nearly forgotten about Lynda!
“I’m so sorry! I will never forget you again, Lynda! I Pinkie Promise!”
While he was trying to catch his breath, I gave my hoof a quick flick. Lynda let out a whistle of joy—Lynda was finally getting played with again, yay!—as she struck right in between the orbs. It wasn't her best swing, but it made the stallion yelp and jump nonetheless. I brought her down a few more times in rapid succession. Each strike brought with it another flinch and cries of pain, or was it pleasure? Either way, I was loving every minute of it, and knew I wouldn't last much longer. My nethers felt like they were on fire. Each hair on his chest, now slick and completely matted with my juices, brought me closer and closer.
I let his head fall from my lips as I leaned back, getting into upright and locked position directly over his chest. I placed my hooves on his stomach for support, causing him to grunt and wiggle in discomfort. A low groan left my lips as the tempo of my body sped up to match the feverous beat of an unheard song. My movements became increasingly erratic as I bit my lower lip.
I pushed back with my hooves, placing myself back over his face. Using his muzzle like a living dildo, I forced it in and out of my drenched cunt. Every so often, the rough patch on his nose would rub against my button, sending jolts of pleasure coursing through my spine.
My body went rigid, and I screamed in ecstasy. Everything went white as my body trembled, filling with pure elation. I fell forward, laying on top of his warm body as I showered his face with what felt like gallons of mare cum.
He was so warm and comfy, and I was so relaxed that I think I had passed out, for I awoke sometime later. Only I wasn't where I fell asleep. Well, I mean, the fact that I was standing upright on my back hooves and could feel something wrapped around my forearms that held them above my head, was a pretty good indicator that I was not where I had fell asleep.
My eyes shot open, only to be greeted by darkness. I blinked them a few times and felt a tight cloth had been put around my head. I struggled in my restraints, testing their mettle. The rope bit sharply into my forearms and legs as I strained against them.
As I cried out for help, a somewhat familiar voice told me to be quiet as something solid struck my muzzle. I let out a howl in pain as a warmth ran down past my lips. The voice rang out again, telling me not to make another sound as the other side of my face was struck, snapping my head to the left. I did my best not to whimper as more blood ran freely from my snout. My head was ringing, and I felt dizzy. If it wasn’t for the restraints holding me in place, I would have fallen to the floor.
The blindfold was roughly removed, and my vision came into focus. Before me stood not only the pony that I had apprehended earlier that day, but two more stallions as well. All of them had evil looking grins on their faces as they stared at me, talking to each other in hushed tones. They all let out a hearty laugh as one of them walked over to me and placed a plastic bag over my head. I struggled to breath but it was no use as my muscles spasmed and I started seeing stars before completely blacking out.
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“And that is when I woke up!” Pinkie beamed as she finished up her dream to her group of shocked friends.
“O-oh my,” Fluttershy softly gasped. “That was quite the, um, dream you had.”
“Aww, that’s it? What happened next?!” Rainbow nearly shouted as she stood up, knocking Applejack’s Stetson off.
“Hey, watch it, Rainbow,” she grumbled, picking up her prized hat and placing it back perfectly in the groove around her head. “But I agree with Ms. Wingboner over here. You gotta tell us what happened next.”
“Yes, it’s not nice to keep us in suspense like this, Dear,” Rarity chided, taking a sip from her hot cocoa all while keeping her tail tucked tightly between her legs.
“Well, I can't tell you anymore!”
“Why not?” Rainbow snapped back. “Quit holding out on us!”
Pinkie just laughed, getting up, and stood directly in front of her pranking buddy. “I can’t tell you becauuuuuuse it hasn't happened yet, you silly filly!” She finished by booping her in the nose with a hoof, but not the Hoof of Justice™ mind you. That was only for bad ponies. “I will just have to tell you at the next sleepover.” She giggled, going back to her seat.
“Thank you, Pinkie. That was, umm, very… nice,” Twilight said, trying to shake out the images Pinkie had placed in her head. She made a mental note to talk with Princess Luna about her friend’s strange dreams sometime, just to be on the safe side. “Alright, Applejack. I believe it is your turn to tell us your strangest dream. And I hope this one isn't about sex…” she trailed off, pulling the blanket around her wings even tighter.
Author's Note
So yea, have a thing...
