It's just... a pink talking pony, or something.
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Nicolas Cage Has A Friendly (Not so Much) Chat With Pinkie Pie
It's just... a pink talking pony, or something.
FLASH!
CRACKLE!!
BOOM!!!
A human fell from the churning cloud of purple smoke, and collided heavily with the wooden floor below, face-first. Pinkie Pie immediately dropped Twilight's book of Summoning, and backed slowly away from the man laying in the black leather jacket. Trails of steam rose from his back like twisting wisps from the inside of a sauna. He slowly lifted his head off the ground, looking away from her.
"Hohhhh..." The human moaned. Awkwardly, he twisted his shoulders around and saw the candy-colored pony, who was somewhat taken aback at what she was witnessing. Not believing what he was seeing as well, he turned his attention back to the floor.
"What... the... FUCK!!" He yelled at the ground.
Gradually, he staggered to his feet and felt suddenly lightheaded. Quite dizzy and confused, he started searching around the room and finally came upon a tiny green recliner which would just barely support his frame. He spun around and sat down firmly into the soft cushion, and began rubbing his temples in irritation.
"Jesus... I don't remember drinking jack shit last night."
Not wanting to agitate him any further, Pinkie calmly trotted over and took a seat in a sofa across from him, though still having that same trademark smile. He became faintly aware of some slight heat from a fire brushing over his left cheek. He glanced over and rubbed his eyes open, taking in the sight of the fireplace just beside the both of them.
"So, umm... what's your name mister?" Pinkie asked lightheartedly.
He turned his head slightly and cocked an eyebrow at her. "And... what the fuck are you supposed to be exactly?"
"Well I'm a pony! Duhhh!!"
He leaned his neck back and stared up at the ceiling. "No. Yeah. No, that's just fucking great. It's just... a pink talking pony, or something." He lurched forward to meet her cool blue eyes. "Look sweetie, you want an autograph or something? Because if you did want one then I suggest not knocking me unconscious and then kidnapping me. That's not the way to go about these things, babe. Trust me, I would know."
"Unconscious?!" Pinkie retorted. "No no no... I summoned you to my room! That's much different!"
He winced at the word 'summon'. "Wait a second, did you drug me or something? And what do you mean by summon? Please tell me you didn't like Ghost Rider."
"What's Ghost Rider?" She asked wholeheartedly.
He sunk back in his chair and clutched his chest. "Oh thank god, she didn't fucking see Ghost Rider."
"Why, what's so bad about a ghost rider?"
He raised his eyebrow again and spoke very slowly. "Well, it's not exactly a movie I'm 'proud' of."
"You're a director?!" She blurted.
"Actually... no, I'm an actor. But, maybe I should be a director." He rubbed under his chin in deep thought. "Hmmmm... nah."
"So wait, you didn't say what so bad about it... the movie, I mean."
He readjusted himself into a more comfortable position. "Well, it wasn't too bad I suppose. It just left a bad taste in people's mouths I guess. I would've turned it down... but the money was just too good. You know what I mean, sweetheart?"
"Um... no. I don't actually. And, does it bother you that you're talking to a pony?" She asked.
"Pony? Ha, that's pretty dubious. I can tell you're just a robot. Obviously." He stood up slowly and approached her to get a closer look.
She curled back into her seat, petrified. "W-what are you doing?! Stay back!!"
"What're you so scared of? You're just a robot--OOOF!!" Pinkie promptly slammed her hoof into the broadside of his face.
The amazing and talented actor fell back onto the floor much in the same way when he first arrived. Pinkie, though absolutely terrified while doing so, jumped onto his back and curled her hooves under his neck. She yanked back tightly, causing him to gag painfully.
"Gahh..." He grumbled. "Now... I'm sure of it... are you... Eva...GAH... Mendez!!"
Nicolas Cage immediately pushed himself and Pinkie upward using his well-defined biceps.
"Who's GRR... Eva Mendez?!" Pinkie muttered. She continued to apply her sleeper hold that Rainbow Dash showed her once, but it seemed to have little effect on the raging thespian.
He staggered up awkwardly with the pony still wrapped viciously around his neck. Suddenly, he jumped high into the air and let his full weight fall backwards onto her.
"Body slam, babe!!" He muttered.
Pinkie's back crashed forcefully onto the hardwood floor, knocking the wind out of her instantly. His weight falling on top of her nearly crushed her sternum, but she somehow managed to avoid the worst of the impact. Still trying to catch her breath, she rolled away and simultaneously kicked her back hoof across his chin again.
Nicolas clutched the side of his jaw as it began to swell. "You ruined my face!! Now what am I supposed to do about filming Ghost Rider Three?!?! Do you know what they're gonna do?! Their gonna get someone better looking than me, now that my face is all fucked!!"
The pony lurched onto her front legs breathing heavily. "What are you TALKING about?! There's nothing wrong with your face!!
The knuckle sandwich he was preparing to fire at her cheek stopped in midair. He lowered his arm calmly, still not quite picking up what he had just heard.
"W-what did you say?" He stammered in all his glory.
"I said," She inhaled deeply, "that there's nothing wrong... with your face."
He clutched his heart in agony. "Oh no... I'm so sorry. I didn't mean to hurt you. I've been taking classes to stop that, I swear to god. But... thank you little pony. No one's ever told me that before."
"Well, maybe they should." She surmised.
His arm rose to cradle his head and he began to weep softly into his leather jacket. The pink pony courteously calmly walked over and patted his back, letting him vent it all out. She quickly thought of something to take his mind off of the pain.
"Are there any other movies you didn't like being in?" She inquired.
He pulled away his teary eyes and glanced down at her. "Yeah. 'Knowing' sucked some serious dong."
Pinkie patted his back one more time. "Hey, we all suck some serious dong now and again." She assured him.
He painfully swallowed the lump in his throat. "Yeah... I guess you're right." The amazing thespian looked away from her again, wallowing in his own grief.
"Hey, you want some cupcakes? I just made a fresh batch before you got here!" She gleefully exclaimed.
"That depends." He muttered through teary eyes, "Can I pose for you while I eat them?"
"Uhh... like naked posing?" She asked hesitantly.
"No sicko, just like, you know, show off some of my acting faces." He retorted.
"WELL DUHH!! Of course I'd like to see those!" She shouted with a smile.
"That's just great, pink pony. Ever seen someone as handsome as me eat a cupcake?"
She rubbed underneath her chin just like he had done. "Can't say I have." She said matter-of-factly.
"Well..." He winked at her playfully. "You're about to."
"YIPPEEEE!!!" She cried in sheer joy.
Pinkie Pie then took his hand into her own hoof and tugged him along to the staircase. Now the two very best of friends, they walked down into the kitchen and great times were had by all, especially by the handsome actor who has starred in much better movies than Ghost Rider. Oh, how he loved his little pink pony friend so!
FIN.
