As I gained consciousness again, albeit slowly, I felt myself moving. Actually moving, not being moved. I didn't have to open my eyes as they were already slightly open. My vision was blurry and my eyes hurt a little like I hadn't closed them for a long time.
I noticed that I wasn't so much walking as limping.
My right forehoof radiated a dull pain which quickly told me why it would be a bad idea trying to put weight on it.
I blinked, which eased some of the pain I received from my eyes and helped me to see a bit more clearly.
Apparently I left the library and was now walking through the streets of this town.
My lips curled slightly up in a ghost of a smile.

Good.

As more and more of my body began to report for duty I became aware that I was hurt in several places. Not caring where I went I just let my hooves follow their own will. The first thing that came to mind was trying to move my wings, cause it would be much less painful to just fly if they were fine. But the sharp pain that came in response from my left one told me that flying was out of question. As I took stock of my body I desperately tried to ignore one region of it entirely.
But to no avail.
The ache and the strange feeling of something foreign in my womb were just too prominent. I felt unbelievably dirty at a area I could never hope to reach and clean. Tears began to well up in my eyes again as the inevitable memories swarmed my mind mercilessly.
I couldn't blame her for what has happened as it was not her fault.
And because... she would not even remember what she did.
I went through this way more frequently as I cared to count. Every single time it was the same.

A small smile crept to my lips again.
At least I would not destroy her life now that my body has moved me out there on autopilot. It wasn't exactly like sleepwalking as I was not asleep during it. I just let my instincts of flight take over and shut my mind down so I didn't had to think.
Thinking was bad as it brought back the memories.
Memories that would take me several months to cover under a thick layer of ignorance and denial just to have every single memory of every single mare resurface when it happened again. To turture me, to mock me and screaming at me that it was all my fault.
I did not know how and I did not know why.

But I knew... it was my fault.

I watched my tears fall to the ground below me and noticed that it was still dark. And again it was a good thing. Nopony would see me like this. All I had to do was guiding my steps just the littlest bit so I could get out of town. I just needed to get away... as far as I could. Nopony will ever know what has happened. The worst that could happen was that the mare would wake up and blush at the very detailed dream she had and maybe question herself what was wrong with her dreaming something like that.
Nopony had to suffer because of me.

I would never allow that ever again.

Soon my wounds would be healed. None of them were severe and I learned how to nurse myself quite a while ago so I would not bother anypony.
Suddenly my relatively good forehoof slipped underneath me and I cought me with my other one to support me out of reflex. Pain shot through the limp upwards, so much of it that I could have sworn that I saw it traveling up my leg and I cried out as it hit me.
Almost instantly it buckled under me and I fell, face first, into the dirt. Clenching my teeth and squeezing my eyes shut. My ears swiveled back and forth hastily trying to catch any sound that could mean that I had drawn the attention of somepony towards me.
After what felt like a little eternity I calmed down and struggled to get on my hooves again. Carefully avoiding the one which caused me to yelp.
Looking in front of me for the first time I discovered that I wasn't that far away from what looked like systematically planted trees.
Good. Didn't want to stumble into the Everfree by accident anyway. I knew it wasn't season for any kind of fruit that would grow in these parts so I could head in and hide there. At least to rest a bit. Maybe I could find a pond and wash me so that I didn't look like I was raped. Then I could just head towards the hospital and pretend that my injuries came from a crash-landing.

I smiled again.

Yeah that was a good idea. Nopony would ask me any inconvenient questions and I would probably be in good care.
That was good. Just pretending nothing ever happened at all. Maybe I myself would come to believe it at some point.
My thoughts apparently kept me busy longer than I thought and my wonderful legs had kept moving into the orchard. I looked over my shoulder and no sign of the town could be seen anymore. I sighed relieved but it turned into yet another yelp as I stumbled over a root. Again I had hit the ground but this time all strength my flight instinct had given to me disappeared.
An overwhelming fatigue flooded my senses and in a matter of seconds I drifted off to sleep.

"Mommy! What are you doing?"

"Shh, sweetie. It's alright. See? I'm just cuddling with my filly a bit."

"B-but Mo-" *gasp* "That feel so weird. P-please stop..."

"Oh, sweetie. Believe me, you will enjoy it."

"No. Mommy... please... lemme go..."

I did not wake up scared. I did not bolt upright. I did not even open my eyes.
Tears soaked my fur as the dream lingerd a bit before fading completely. It was the oldest of my buried memories and at the same time the most painful. My body ached and now the part of me that was formerly focused on walking noticed that my fetlocks burned and a dull pain radiated from them with every beat of my heart. That, sadly, was not new for me either. If I would part my fur to take a closer look I would see the burn marks that the magic left behind on them. Luckily they would be unnoticeable if not looked for directly.

I felt too tired to get up already but the fear of that dream kept me awake.
A sob escaped me and I made no effort to hold back the oncoming tears.
What kept me going, I wondered.
After that night I had everything taken from me that I managed to save over all this ordeals. So what kept me going?
Maybe it was hope, maybe just plain fear of death.

I wasn't able to finish my thoughts though because a worried mumble drifted to my ears. Maybe earlier in my life I would have tensed up or even attempt to escape but I gave it all up just then and there.

The voice... was female.

The irony slapped me so hard across my muzzle that I almost thought it was an actual blow. Here I lay, barely escaped one mare only to be found by another one. I heard the unmistakable groan of a wooden cart and then an impact as the cart fell forward. Apparently because the pony pulling it left it with haste.
I just kept my eyes closed and waited for the inevitable to happen. It had to be every second now that the mare was close enough to take in the view of my body fully and whatever it was that kept mares advancing on me would take its effect on her.
A hoof touched my shoulder and, albeit I gave up, my body tensed involuntarily. I heard a small and broken voice utter a plea and I registered belatedly that it was my own.

"Please just leave me alone..."

"Eenope."

My heart skipped a beat and my eyes shot open. The voice was way too deep to belong to a mare and I felt myself crying again but this time out of relief. There was a stallion with the mare I heard before. Whatever charm I possessed never seemed to work whenever there was a stallion or at least three mares around.

"Hey sugarcube. What got ya roghed up so badly?"

That was the mares voice but it didn't matter. I was safe. Unable to process the feelings that flooded me all at once I just stayed there a bit. Unmoving. Grinning to myself like a madmare and crying until a face came into my line of sight. I could not make out many details but it was red and definitely a stallions. His deep, but somehow melodic, voice resonated all the way to my core.

"Are y'all alright?"

The worry in his voice brought new tears of joy and I let them flow freely as I slowly shook my head and stuttered the only response I thought they would believe.

"Got hit by a strong current.... crashed here..."

He nodded and then disappeared from view but shortly after I felt myself getting lifted of the ground. A second later my sight was blocked by what I first mistook for a red wall. I soon noticed that this wall was moving and that it had fur. I felt myself blush when I finally registered that I was lying on the back of the stallion and even more as I started to feel his muscles flexing under me.
It felt so good, so relaxing, so secure that I soon got lost in the feeling of his fur rubbing against mine and his smell, oh sweet Celestia this smell. He smelled a bit of sweat and musk but it wasn't unpleasant. Quite the opposite. To me it was the most heavenly scent I've had ever smelled.
The scent of a hard working stallion who kept his body clean after work, so that only the fresh sweat could be smelled.

Oh Celestia I loved that scent.

Author's Note

Heya to everyone that is still reading this.

First I'd like to thank everyone that liked my story even if I have done nothing to explain a single thing yet.
But be patient and everything will be explained later on.

I wanted to say that I probably won't update this story very frequently and that it is an exception that I updated this fast.
But I've gotten some comments now that demand clarification and so I thought I move this story on a bit to maybe cover at least some basic things without spilling the beans completely.

Also I was informed that my english is quite bad so I appologize for every mistake and grammatical catastrophe I might have caused.

I hope you can enjoy my story nonetheless