Screwed Minds

My eye twitched and I stared rather angrily at the chimera.
“My name is Verso, not Kay.”

It blinked and snapped its claw, making a scroll appear in its hand. It held it beside my head and glanced at my face and the scroll. Turning my head, I saw it was a surprisingly high-definition picture or my face, moving to match my expression. Only difference: it had blue eyes. I facepalmed. Those were Recto's. My eyes are yellow.

“Oh. My bad. Seems like I just saved the wrong one,” it declared. “Would you happen to have a twin brother?” Before I could answer, it glanced around us, looking at the scenery, and continued; “It sure looks a lot like the moment Kay died, though. There’s even the Gate behind your head! I know it wouldn’t just go and find somepony else!”

Preferring not to ask why it replaced ‘somebody’ by ‘somepony’, I looked around me too. And the first thing that hit my mind was seeing my own body half reduced to shreds on the ground, eyes closed. And that freaking damn box glowing right beside my head.
I jumped away from that thing. The chimera looked at me with an amused expression.

“A bit shocked? I guess seeing your own soon-to-be corpse can have that effect.” It shrugged. “I’m sorry, but I came to save Kay, and you say you’re not him. So I’ll just have to…”

“My name isn’t Kay, but that’s how my parents named this body,” I exclaimed before it did something I’d regret. “It’s kind of complicated.”

It smiled and disappeared in a flash, reappearing right next to me, its lion paw around my shoulders, it mouth next to my ears.
“I know, but it was way funnier to scare you a little.”

“How do you do that?!” I hissed, moving away from it. “You obviously stopped time, somehow make things appear out of nowhere, teleport and duplicated my body!”

“And your mind,” he nodded in confirmation.

And my… Oh, wait… Recto! He was away when he duplicated my mind! Did it…

Recto! Are you here? Recto!

I didn’t know it was possible to have a headache without being connected to our body, but it sure looked a lot like it. Verso’s voice rang through our soul and awoke me the hard way.

Verso? Are you finished with that strange box and Santa?
Oh, thank whatever is still looking upon us, you’re okay! I was so worried!
Why? Did something happen?
You can say it like that.

I started to connect to our senses to see through our eyes, but Verso stopped me.

Not right now, I… Could you go back to sleep for a few minutes?
What? You awoke me just to ask me to sleep some more? I mentally giggled. I have to admit, it sounds a bit funny.
Not exactly. I’ll explain it to you when I’m done.
Okay! Good night again!

I let out a breath I definitely knew I was holding. Recto was safe, everything was okay.

Well, except for the fact that we’d just been rescued by a mismatch of creatures with incredible powers that could probably wipe me off the surface of the planet with but a thought who also knew what that horrid ‘Gate’, as it called the box, was.

“Who were you talking to?” it asked.

And could spy our mental conversations. Totally normal.
I looked at it in the… yellow..? of the eyes, thinking as fast as I could.

“You said your name is ‘Discord’, right?”
“Well, I’m kind of a lefty, but that’s mostly true.”

God, the pun hurt my mind. Even Recto wouldn’t do that one, and he can have a really shitty humor!

“You said you came to save me. Why?”
“Is this some kind of question show? In that case…”

‘Discord’ disappeared again and three copies of him popped out of nowhere, standing behind a buzzer, ready to press the button. One of them was wearing big glasses and dental apparel, another wore a big frizzy blonde wig and pink lipstick, and the last one looked terribly old, patches of his fur falling of his body.

I don’t think there is a correct way to react to such a mindfuck.

The transsexual chimera pressed his… her… its buzzer:

“What’s the question again?” it asked in a parody of a feminine voice.
“Is he for real..?” I whispered, before repeating louder. “I said: why did you come to save me? Surely, something with… capacities such as yours doesn’t spend its time saving people.”

The elder Discord pressed his buzzer down.

“I’ll have you know,” he stated in a worn out voice, “that back in our days, we did a lot more than just ‘saving people’, youngin. And that we still could, if we wanted to. I may be a few years older than I should be to be playing the ‘superhero’ part, but that doesn’t mean any…” He tried to stand up and a terrible crack resonated in the room, his eyes shot open wide by the pain. “Oh! My back! I knew I shouldn’t do that anymore…”

The ‘female’ chimera rang her buzzer again.

“To answer your question, sweetie, a friend of ours recently opened our eyes about some things we have done, and we feel partly responsible for making your life as it is until now. So we’ve come to offer you a new beginning of sort.”

He feels ‘partly responsible’ for my life until now? And he knows what this horror truly is? What little thankfulness I felt for saving me quickly disappeared, drowned by anger. He made my life as it is now?! That bastard is the reason I…
Okay, okay, you need to calm down, Verso. First, that may not be what he is referring to. Second, you really don’t want to fight something with such powers as his. Final, you should hurry and let Recto wake up as fast as you can.

“Okay…” I growled, struggling not to try and see what would happen if his three heads were crushed at the same time. “So you can travel through time. But why didn’t you come sooner? And why are you duplicating me, instead of just taking me away?”

“I can anzwer zis,” the nerdy Discord announced, buzzing his buzzer. Heh, would Recto be here, he would probably have gone on and on with that one… “We want to zave you, but zinze we are in ze pazt, removing you from your timeline would cauze big troublez!” Gosh, his voice was already getting on my nerves. “Ezpezialy wiz a timeline zuch az yourz!”

Huh? I always knew I was a lot more important than the average human, but now my timeline was of the utmost importance? Hey, at least something good to remember from all this!
A sudden jab of pain inside my skull forced me to press my hand on my temple. I would have to return to the backseat soon.

“And why didn’t you come sooner then? Why wait for me to almost die?”

The gender confused Discord buzzed again.

“Well, you see honey, we want you to be at your best. And besides, we couldn’t really apologize for everything that happened, and we feel that you have to have experience the entirety of your… fate for you to maybe forgive us.” She… It winked at me, and I shivered in a mix of disgust and… well, more disgust.

“You said, ‘a new beginning’? How are you going to do that?” I asked, the pain strikes getting more and more frequent. He may have healed my body and restored most of my energy, but it seems that the stress was still hitting my very soul. “Give me the fast version, I hate being on front.”

The three chimeras flashed and the original Discord appeared before me.

“Well, if you want it to be fast, here it comes: I want to get you to a rather peaceful world, in another universe, on which you’ll be entirely free to live as you want.”

Wow, that was fast.

“And that’s it? No catch whatsoever? Not a ‘you’ll owe me one’ or ‘I’ll just need your soul’ or ‘you’ll be turned into a magical pony?”

“Nah, that’d be ridiculous,” he replied with an amused grin. “I came here because I felt guilty. But…”

Ah. That’s it. I always thought that a sentence means little before the obligatory ‘but’ in the middle.

“… I’ll just need you to be around. For the sake of my mind.”
“What do you mean?”
“For you, nothing. It’s just another reason I came to save you at this peculiar moment in my time period.”

I glared at him suspiciously, but another jab of mental pain made me decide to overlook that information and just groan in displeasure. Time to wake up Recto.

“Okay, Discord. I’ll wake up my mindmate now. He’ll go on front and be the most active one. And don't try to pull any trick: he may be weaker than me, I can still change position to kick your ass if I have to”
“Oho! So you have someone else inside your head!" the chimera answered, my threat obviously going waaaay over his head. "And I thought you were just crazy here.”
“By all means, I am. But that’s not the point.” Another terrible mental sting. “He’s named Recto, he is a lot... happier than than I am, but I just ask one thing of you: don’t tell him we died.”
“Why not?” He tilted his head. “Don’t you think he should know?”
“That’s not your problem. Just don’t.” I just don’t want him to know I failed to protect us…

Discord shrugged and snapped a claw, instantly transporting inside some strange room, without any exit or light source, but bright nonetheless. I was sitting on some sort of comfy chair while Discord floated above his, now wearing a top-hat, a monocle and a bowtie. On the coffee-table separating us laid some white porcelain cups, a teapot and what I assumed were biscuits. Like, real ones.I levitated one of them in my mouth and chewed it with pleasure. It tasted like heaven! Then, reality hit me inside my skull with baseball bat.

“Gah!” I growled when another migraine jab hit me. “Okay, I’ll wake him now.”

Recto! You can wake up now.
I swear I didn’t eat the last muffin! I shouted.
… What? Tell you what, I don’t even want to know right now, I'mn not even going to ask how you know what a muffin is.
I don't. I just just like the word.
...I have a little briefing for you.
Oh. Okay.

A few seconds later.

Let me recap: the box was some sort of trap, so you got us out of the Institute, we were hunted down by the guards and you encountered a magical chimera named Discord that wants to help us by bringing us to another world? All of this, while I was sleeping?
That’s about it.
Why is it always so great while I’m sleeping! I whined.
Trust me, I’d pass my ‘excitement turn’ any day.

I connected myself to our senses and got a look at Discord.

Hehe… He looks funny!
More like annoying as hell, but it doesn’t matter. Want to come back on the front? I’m tired with all the running.

We exchanged positions and I smiled brightly at Discord. No, he is helping us and Verso did say he had to be kinda old. And he has a funny hat. So it's mister Discord!

“Hello!” I waved at him. “I’m Recto! Nice to meet you, mister Discord!”
“Hello, buddy. I trust your friend explained you the situation?”
Stop that. I know you can hear us when we speak with each other.
“He can?” I exclaimed in wonder. “No one could, except Verso! That’s great, now we can speak without anyone noticing! That’s kinda like spy-thingy!”
“Well, aren’t you a lot more enthusiastic than your friend, now?”

I heard Verso growled at the back of our mind.

“Yeah, he is kinda grumpy when we aren’t playing ‘hide and seek’ or ‘tag’ with the guards. “
Hey!

Mister Discord and I both chuckled at his reaction, and I looked around us. Ooh, a new place! Fancy! And what are those brown things sitting the plate on the table?

That’s food, try it.

Ooh! New food! This day keeps getting better and better! I grabbed one of them and took a bite of it. And froze.

“Are you alright?” mister Discord asked after a minute, grinning.

His voice snapped me out of this trance and I figuratively exploded in joy. That was the most awsomest thing I ever tasted!

“Ohmygoshwhatisthisitssogooditsthebestthingever!” I shouted in excitement before swallowing the rest of this little piece of Heaven in one bite and levitating the others right to our mouth, munching as much of it as I could.

Careful, you’ll…
“Ugk!”
… choke or something… Well, that’s one way to go, I guess.

Something was blocked in my throat, preventing me from breathing. Verso facepalmed and mister Discord sipped a piece of his cup of tea.

“Jolly” he declared in the most neutral tone I ever heard. Then, seeing that I was choking a bit hard, he snapped his claws and a glass of some light brown liquid appeared next to us, floating in the air. “You may want to drink this.”

I grabbed the glass and drank it empty in a second, dislodging the crumbs trying to murder us from our throat. And I froze again. For about three seconds.

“Ohmygoshthisisevenbetteranditissttryingtokillmethisthebestdayeverofalltimeinalleternity! Whatisitwhatisitwhatisit?” I screamed in wonderful bliss.
Okay, calm down, you’re being hysteric here.

I breathed slowly and felt our heart rate slow down slowly, back to a normal rate. I glanced back at mister Discord who looked at me still unfazed. He was still drinking his cup. And I mean the cup: the liquid was mysteriously floating where he had already drunk the container.

“Oh? These are edible too?” I floated a cup next to me.
What? No! He is just strange. You have to drink the tea inside.
You know what these things are?
Yep. You ate a few cookie wand washed it away with a glass of chocolate milk. The best food we had in years.
And what is this ‘tea’?
Hot water infused with leaves.
Sounds strange.

I sipped at the ‘tea’ and nearly spat it back, surprised by the warmth of the drink. Gulping it down, I winced.

“Tastes strange too.”
“I suppose you’re not used to its flavor,” mister Discord said, swallowing what was left of his cup and just throwing the mysteriously floating tea behind him, where it exploded. “But we have some pressing matter at hand.”
“Right.” I levitated the cup down on the table. “Like, what are you wearing around your neck?”
Mister Discord looked a bit taken aback and glanced down. “The bowtie?” he asked.
“So that’s what bowties look like? Bowties are cool! Can I have one?” Mister Discord snapped his talon and a white one appeared around our neck. “Yay!”
“Verso wasn’t joking when he said you were silly. But that’s not important. I cannot stay here much longer; you have to make a choice.”
“What choice?” I asked, before the memory came back to my mind. “Oh, yeah, you offered to take us to another universe.”
“Yes, and I also promised it was way safer for you than your world. You would be the only human there though.”

Oh. I first thought it was a no-brainer, but being all alone, even with Verso, for the rest of our life may be a bit… lonely.

You’ve thought about it already, Verso?
Yes, but I won’t tell you unless we disagree. I don’t want to influence your choice.

Well, let’s weigh the pros and the cons. On the plus side, we don’t have to worry about the Institute anymore, but we would be kinda alone.

“Not exactly,” mister Discord said. “You would be the only human, but there are other sentient beings on this planet.”
“Oh, kinda like aliens so?” Yay! Meeting little green men!
“Well, you would be the alien there, in fact.”
“What? You’ll turn us into a small green man? Why? That would be silly!” I giggled. “But rather funny too.”

Verso facepalmed again and mister Discord chuckled and told me we wouldn’t change our specie. Back to the decision: not all alone with Verso, but just no other human. I guess I’d miss human contact a bit.

Now, only one question was left for me to make my choice.

“Will there be more chocolate milk there?” I asked in my most serious voice.

I think Verso’s figurative eyes twitched and mister Discord exploded in laughter. Like, literally: he exploded and solid ‘laughter’ words were spread everywhere messily. He reappeared in front of us, making the small table disappear.

“There will be more chocolate milk than you could possibly dream about.” I stared at him in wonder, stars in my eyes. “I take it you’ve made your choice?”
“Yes! To the chocolate milk world!” I answered as loud as I could.
Just… Just take us away from here already. Verso said in an irritated voice for some reason.
Mister Discord’s grin grew wider. “Well, ‘pony up’ friends, and please keep your arms and legs inside until the vehicle is completely stopped.”
“Inside what?”
He wrapped his arm around our shoulders and looked in the same direction I did. “No time to explain. Weee!”

Everything exploded in colors and I felt like we were violently dragged by some incredible force. It felt like falling for an eternal second, surrounded by cheap special effects, kinda like that scene at the end of A Space Odyssey, only for real with less three eyed babies.

Not that there weren’t any though. We saw lots of strange things: cities of glass floating into the nether, gigantic flying turtles carrying smaller but still planet-sized elephants who were also supporting some kind of plate, a big green thing looking like the mutated child of a kraken and a man with leather wings, a giant spaghetti dish with googly eyes, a small blue box flying through space, and many, many other things I didn’t understand. I think I saw some space ducks too. Such majestic creatures.

That was kind of the funny part. Because pain arrived soon after.